Hotel Babylon (2006) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
Hey.
CHARLIE: Who's the most important person in a hotel? Rebecca, the manager? No.
It's certainly not me.
Is it Tony, the concierge? The man who can find you anything.
Look, he just found that nice, old gentleman a niece.
Is it the chef? The head barman? No.
You want to know the most important person in a hotel? It's him.
I'm serious.
And this guy.
And them.
These are the people that cook your meals and clean up your mess.
But you'll never see them, they're our dirty little secret, forbidden from even entering the same breathing space as any of the guests.
Many of them here illegally.
They simply don't exist.
But we're happy to turn a blind eye to doctored papers and fake passports.
If you've got two hands to clean with and two knees to crouch on, who cares whether you should be here or not? We feed them and water them, and the questions we don't ask are the ones they don't want to answer.
What you doing? You're half an hour late.
Get over there, lively.
-Okay, sir.
-Go on.
Besides, if it weren't for them, we'd have to employ regular people with National Insurance contributions, minimum wages and tiresome complaints about working conditions and Well, are you willing to pay for that? This is the way it's always been.
After all, who really built the pyramids? The Pharaohs or the slaves? -Food poisoning? -TANY A: Yes, that's right, Charlie.
It happened all of a sudden.
One minute I was fine Listen, Tanya, if you're gonna call in sick, can you at least come up with something a little bit more original? -Charlie, I'm not lying.
I'm really, really -Yeah, sure.
Next time, if a man answers, say "women's problems".
Take it from me, for most men, those are the two most frightening words in the English language.
-Did you have a pleasant stay? -Oh, yes.
Although we didn't get out that much.
Oh, God, you two, get a room.
No, wait.
You just have! I really must make tracks.
I'll call you tonight.
-John -It'll be fine.
Sorry, there's just Mr Fuller's company paid for the room.
-There's just a purchase from the mini-bar.
-Oh, right.
Sorry.
-Have you seen Pete around? -Pete? -Chauffeur guy with a ratty face.
-Oh, him.
No.
Why don't you check with security? Hi, Ben.
Look at you.
I could eat you up.
Morning, Anna.
Ooh, I'm loving what your hair's doing today.
Charlie? Waiting for six checkouts.
Other than that, we're VI.
-Any chance I can get five minutes? -As long as it's just five.
-Ooh, Ben, come here.
Something on your face.
-Gone.
-Are you okay? -Never been better.
Rebecca, can I just say, you look amazing.
I know.
Hold me.
I'm frightened.
-What's the matter with her? -Oh, please.
Do you need a diagram? If she was a man, she'd be high-fiving us all and burping.
She and her husband have obviously got back together again.
Two or three times I'd say by the looks of things.
Lovely.
Hey, Jagdeep.
You seen Pete? Chauffeur guy, ratty little face.
Not for a few days.
Rebecca kick him out.
-What? -This is Wednesday, right? He pull up, I see Rebecca come out the lift, then she talk to you, then she go outside and go climb in his car.
They talk for a bit.
She start jabbing her finger like this.
Then she get out, she slam the door and he drive off.
You saw all of that from in here? You want to know what's really going on, come to Jagdeep.
I don't miss bloody nothing.
Hmm.
Just like last week, when the guests nicked the sofa.
That was You got nothing better to bloody do? All right? It's okay, we're not coming in.
We're just here to stop anyone getting out.
Morning, sir.
Everything all right? My name is John Boyack from the Immigration Service.
-We have authority to search these premises.
-Not a problem.
Would you like someone to show you around or are you Oh, while I remember.
Ben, did you take those purple acquisition forms down to Housekeeping like I asked? -Ah, no.
I'll do it now.
-Brain like a sieve.
Anyway, as I was saying, are you okay or would you like someone to show you around? -Jackie.
-Immigration.
-It's a raid.
-Oh, God! (YELLING IN SPANISH) (SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN) Sledjik.
Justbloody sledjik.
(STAFF CLAMOURING) Where's Ibrahim? He'll be fine.
There's a code we use.
It means we get a few minutes' warning so we can hide from them.
Adam! What's wrong with her? She's diabetic.
She's having a hypoglycaemic attack.
What do we do? We can't take her out there.
They'll take her.
They'll take all of you.
Rachel, pass me that box.
What are you doing? The sugar in the jam is absorbed through the mucus membranes in her gums.
I wasn't always a cleaner.
(GASPS) Hey.
You okay? It's Adam, isn't it? Thank you.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -They've got someone.
-Ibrahim.
Come on, sir.
He's Sudanese.
For Christ's sake, his brothers and father have all been shot.
If he gets sent back, he'll be killed.
That's exactly what my boss will do to me if I go back with an empty van.
-Look, I'll sack him.
Just let him disappear.
-We're not stupid.
We know the codes.
You had, what? Two minutes, three, to clear them away? He wasn't quick enough.
We got him.
Rules of the game.
Jackie.
Jackie, can you I am terribly sorry everybody.
This does happen from time to time.
Erm, Gino, could you perhaps get these ladies and gentlemen a drink? Okay.
(CHATTERING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGES) -Hi, Gino.
-Hey.
-This guy's just rang down.
His keycard's -So, anyway, there's this guest coming tomorrow and he thinks I'm gay.
Why does he think you're gay? Who knows? He's crazy.
-I told him I have a boyfriend.
-What? GINO: He's in my bar.
He's been spending money all night.
Thank you.
And I'm being, you know, attentive.
Just smiling and shit to encourage him.
Anyway, eventually he get up and ask if I want to go to his room.
I had to say something.
I have a boyfriend.
So you told him you had a boyfriend? Yeah, he's a big fellow.
We have a lot of fun.
This guy tip like an Arab, but he coming again tomorrow, so I need your help.
-With what? -With the walking and the talking.
Make me more -Believable? -Swishy, yeah.
-You're the only gay I know.
-I'd gathered that.
Look, I give you 10% of whatever I get.
Dress? Whatever.
I know what you thinking, is gonna be a tough job.
-You think I should lose the moustache? -No! I think the moustache is essential.
Hey, Ben.
Just the walking and the talking, eh? You make me a real gay, I gonna kill you.
-I'll bear that in mind.
-I serious.
I start looking at men's asses, you a dead man.
Hi, I need to speak to someone.
It's a little delicate.
-No problem.
-We're here to help.
Thank you, Derek.
Why don't you go and do your door thing? Step this way.
-I stayed here the night before last.
-Yes, of course.
-I trust you both had a pleasant stay? -Yeah.
Yeah, it was great.
Look, I need you to send an email to my husband.
Well, to me, actually, but I need him to see it.
He's found a receipt for something that I took from the mini-bar and So I need you to send an email saying I don't know, that it was a mistake and that I didn't take it.
-Was it a particularly expensive item? -Yes.
Yeah.
It was one of those mini bottles of wine, £15 for two glasses.
You've got to admit, it was quite steep.
Well, I'm afraid there's not a lot I can do.
The prices are listed in the room service menu.
I know, it was stupid of me not to have checked, but if you could just send this email That's really not possible.
However, I will make a note of it in the computer and perhaps on your next visit That man I was with, he isn't my husband.
Ah.
My husband thinks I was staying with my sister in Brighton.
I told him that I came here for a coffee when I got off the train, so obviously he's wondering why the receipt is saying I took something -from a mini-bar in a room.
-Well, he would.
We had a huge row.
Look, I know this is a lot to ask, but please, I really need your help.
-No! -Why not? Hotel policy.
We don't lie and we don't send out fake emails.
-Come on, Charlie.
-It's just one email.
Well, suppose he finds out? The husband.
Suppose he finds out and wants a divorce and they produce this email as evidence in court.
-He won't.
-You can guarantee that? We're not here to cover up people's squalid little trysts.
-I've told her it'll be fine.
-It's not our job -to lie about their pathetic, grubby little -Her marriage is at stake.
You can hear me, can't you? I mean, I am saying this out loud? I will take full responsibility.
It's not up to you to take responsibility.
It's up to her! If you're wondering what to tell her, say it's fraud.
And you wouldn't want to commit a fraud, would you, Charlie? -I'm really sorry.
-No.
Right.
Okay.
Thanks anyway.
This isn't because I'm a coward.
I am gonna tell him.
And John, my The other man.
He's gonna tell his wife.
We want to be together.
I care deeply about my husband.
He deserves better than to find out like this.
Wait a second.
-Give me your email address.
-What? I'll say that we've had a glitch and the computer's putting out the wrong billing information.
Oh, God, thank you.
Thank you so much.
I'll put my mobile number on there as well.
I'm not proud of this, for what it's worth.
I fell in love.
-You're a doctor in? -Sierra Leone.
-I was an anaesthetist in Freetown.
-Why did you leave? I wrote an article criticising the Minister for Health.
We fled before the police came, but they held a trial anyway.
Apparently I was sentenced to two years.
Rachel, give him some aspirin.
We don't have any.
Is there anything I can do? -They keep aspirin in reception for the guests.
-Sure.
I'll nick a couple of packets.
-I also need bandages, if you can get them.
-Right.
This happen a lot? A lot of them, they connect hospitals with authority.
If they go there, they worry questions will be asked, information passed.
Now, forgive me.
I have to clean the toilets.
Thank you.
I know it sounds But thank you for doing this.
It reminds me of my former life.
This is important to me.
You must be really proud of your dad, Rachel.
-I -My daughter's a good girl.
-You like it here? In England, I mean.
-Your accent.
It's not English.
-No, I'm from Australia.
-Australia? Then we're all a long way from home.
Yeah.
Yeah, we are.
Hi, everyone.
What we need to discuss today is yesterday's raid by the Immigration Service.
It's been about five months since the last raid, so I guess we were due one, and given they were able to apprehend someone, that should hopefully buy us a bit of breathing space.
What I do want to talk about is how in future we Yes, Jackie.
I feel like a teacher.
Yeah, I just wanted to know what you meant by that last comment.
Now that we've, what, thrown them some meat, they won't bother us for a while? Well, I think that's a slightly emotive way of putting it.
They know there are people working here without the correct documentation.
The fact that we are allowed to operate at all given those circumstances is because they turn a blind eye.
Enduring a raid now and then is Losing a member of staff.
-Is a small price to pay if it -If it allows us to keep the toilets clean -for below the minimum wage.
-Allows the rest of the staff to continue working here safely.
My point is, in future, we can't allow it to spill into a public area of the hotel like that.
Yes, Jackie.
Is that what we're talking about here? That it happened in reception? I think what we're talking about is minimising disruption.
Oh, I'm sorry, should I have put my hand up? Is that the new rule now? So next time, I shouldn't bother hiding them? I should just let Immigration take their pick? No, of course not.
But this is a business.
We all have jobs to do and, as Head of Housekeeping, yours is the control and supervision of your staff.
You can't have it both ways.
Unless you're gonna pay more or offer better conditions, these are the people you're gonna get.
To be fair, the fact that it's casual work suits them as well.
Thank you, Charlie.
If we need anything else blindingly obvious pointed out, we know who to ask.
Yeah.
They work 18-hour shifts for next to no money, yet it's the hotel being exploited.
We feed these people.
We give them jobs.
But we have responsibilities, Jackie, and so do you, so stop being so bloody naive! Well, I guess that's me told.
Hi, Rachel.
Pull up a chair.
Here you are, Rachel.
I'm done.
You can sit here.
You literally have no windows.
-What are you doing here? -I can't believe it.
-I thought that was illegal.
-Is this a raid? -No one was told.
-You should speak to someone.
What if there was a fire? -What do you want? -August 30th.
-What about it? -It's when your visa ran out.
A few weeks we could deal with.
But six months? That's just rude.
-So what happens now? -Well you could go back to Australia and apply for a new visa there, but frankly, it's a long shot.
You've concealed your status, which means you're an illegal immigrant.
That doesn't so much as put you at the back of the queue, but put you in a whole, new, different queue, you really don't want to be in.
-I have a son here.
-I bet he's a stunner.
-I can't leave him.
-Take him with you.
This is his home.
This is my home.
Yeah, moot point that.
Option two, marry.
-The dad still on the scene? -Yes, but we're no longer a couple.
Ah.
Anyone else around? -Not really.
-That's criminal.
So where does that leave us? Here's the thing.
I've gotta keep my quota up and you are going to help me.
We won't take the piss.
You give me someone now and we won't have to come back for five months or so? I can't.
I can't do that.
Sleep on it.
I got to take someone home in the van, Jackie.
Doesn't have to be you.
-Listen, I've only got 15 minutes.
-Oh, that's okay.
I promised I'd help out on the morning checkout.
-The thing is, I need to tell you something.
-Oh.
Why don't you tell me after? Or better still, during.
Throw in a couple of swear words.
I have to go back to Australia.
My visa's run out.
-You're kidding? -No.
How come? Okay, the plan was George, my ex, and I would marry, but we split up.
By which time, my visa had expired.
For the first month or so I thought it'd be okay and we'd get back together.
But it got later and later, and I thought, if I tell them now, they'll send me back, so I said nothing.
There must be something you can do.
I could get married, Charlie.
You and, erm, what's his name? George? You're not seeing each other, right? -Yeah.
-No, so that's not really an option.
No, obviously not.
Your son's here.
Surely there must a way round it.
No, I'm sure you're right.
Can't you appeal or write a letter? It'll be fine.
I just thought that I just thought that you'd want to know.
-Oh, sorry.
-No, no, it's ok.
Come on in.
I was just -Shit.
What happened to your face? -Oh, yes.
Just me being clumsy.
The vacuum pipe, it was stuck.
I yanked it out and bam! Babe, you need to get some powder on that thing.
Come over here.
Okay, prepare to be dazzled.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING) (WHISTLING) -It's great to see you again.
-Thanks, Gino.
It's great to see you.
-That's a nice tie.
-This one? It's old.
-Have you lost weight? -Atkins.
I like your mouth.
Whoa! Okay, that's We may just have to pull back a little there.
Yeah, I'm confused.
Do you actually wanna sleep with this guy? I thought you said compliments were good.
Compliments, yes, but you're getting into a whole new territory there.
Though, to be fair, I have got quite a nice mouth.
Let's just keep it to things you could say to a cousin.
A good-looking, female cousin.
-You can flirt.
You can be twinkly.
-All this effort, Gino.
How much of a big tipper is this guy? Last time he here, he give me £100 just for a vodka tonic.
Jesus! You go, girl.
Is there a walk as well? Show them the walk.
What? -Is terrible, isn't it? -No.
-No, no, it's great.
-Yeah, you've got me on the turn.
And me.
My God.
-What? -That's the guy.
The guy from yesterday.
The woman who asked me to send that fake email.
That's her boyfriend.
-So who's the woman? -She must be his wife.
How cheap.
Yeah.
You think he'd at least take her to a different hotel.
No, I mean the wife.
Look at the hair.
She's no blonde.
I bet you anything that the collar and the cuffs don't match.
Hi.
We have a room booked, Fuller.
Mr Fuller.
And have you stayed with us before, sir? Once or twice.
Right then.
Well, all your information should be in the computer.
Yes, excellent.
I just need to swipe a credit card, please.
-Sorry, babe, could you, er -Yeah, sure.
It's just the guy that does the expenses, bit of a Nazi.
That's excellent.
Thank you, Mrs Miss Kerrigan.
-Is there a problem? -Not at all, madam.
Oh.
Actually, I'm ever so sorry, but it looks like the suite we reserved for you is unavailable.
There was a leak in the room upstairs and it's being redecorated.
What? You're joking.
However, I've got another room for you at the rear of the hotel.
It's very nice.
-KERRIGAN: Does it have a view? -Of sorts.
Room 207.
Sorry, darling.
There you go.
Excellent.
Enjoy your stay.
-What's this? -Last Friday of the month.
Pay day.
But you normally just leave these in our pigeonholes.
That's so impersonal, don't you think? It's just my way of saying, I don't know Thank you for all the hard work you guys put in.
Ah.
Your ill-gotten gains.
Your face.
Relax.
You'll get wrinkles.
More wrinkles.
-Darren who? -I don't know.
He works in the kitchens.
You don't know who he is either? All I know is the guy's leaving and they've asked everyone to sign the card.
(GRUMBLES) I hope we don't have to chip in for the present or nothing.
-You gonna be like this when I go? -Yeah.
-Jesus! -What? What happened? Rachel.
What happened? I saw him on the screen.
He hit you.
-It is fine.
It is fine.
-It's not fine.
-Please, come into my office.
-Jackie, please.
I've spoken to the Back of House Manager and the Head of Security.
-You have half an hour to leave.
-As you wish.
-But Rachel stays.
-That is impossible.
I've seen what you do to her, Adam.
-You say goodbye with me there and then you go.
-I shall take her with me.
Please.
Do not interfere with things that do not concern you.
When someone does that to one of my girls, it concerns me.
Do you know what they do to the women in my country? Their children, their daughters? -I can imagine.
-I brought her here to protect her.
I was a fool.
Your culture disgusts me.
You are so keen to surrender their childhood and immerse them in your own depravity.
The way the men look at the women here.
This is what I risked our lives to escape from? -So that's how you protect her? -God understands.
And one day, so will she.
Do you think God ever gets pissed off being used as justification -by weak and stupid little men like you? -I was a doctor and now I clean toilets.
Can you even begin to understand how that feels? You can't take that out on a 17-year-old girl! She is all I have left! I will not let her go! This is the only thing I can control.
We will not be separated.
If you want her, then I will stay.
Hi.
I'd like an extra pillow, please.
Certainly, sir.
I'lljust ask someone to call Housekeeping, and they'll No, no, no.
It's You don't understand.
I'd like "an extra pillow.
" Okay, I'lljust ask someone to call Housekeeping Excuse me, sir.
I'm so sorry.
I couldn't help overhearing.
If you wouldn't mind? -Mr Casemore? -Yes.
This gentlemen requires an extra pillow.
Thank you, Mr Edwards.
Now then, does sir have a preference? Black, white, blonde, brunette? It helps me to source the service if I know the sort of thing that sir has in mind.
David, at your induction, did they tell you anything about codes? They said if there's a suspect package, we had to say, "MrJet is in the restaurant.
" Yes, very good.
They didn't say "extra pillow" means "hooker"? Does it? Don't tell me all this time you've been giving them extra pillows? Growing up, did people say you were a special child? Well, if you can't help me, perhaps I can speak to somebody who can.
-Problem, sir? -Mr Fuller has had eight phone calls.
-You're a very popular guest.
-None of them were for me.
-They were all misdirected from here.
-That's impossible, sir.
Ah, hang on a minute.
Yeah, we have had some computer trouble.
I think it's redirecting the calls to the wrong rooms.
And I've just had a prostitute knocking at my door.
Well, she would have to let you know she's there somehow, sir.
I didn't order her, you idiot.
What I did order was a bottle of champagne from Room Service about two hours ago.
And it's still not arrived? (SIGHS) This place -Is this anything to do with you? -Me, sir? Room Service is an entirely different department.
I would have to have gone down there and told them to ignore all your calls.
I'll tell you what, why don't I nip down there now myself and get it for you? -What, now? -Here I go.
-Where are you going? -Tea break.
He checked in about 3:00.
Yeah, he booked a table in the restaurant for 9:00.
Where is he? Don't he want a drink first? -How do I look? -Give me the twinkle.
-Fabulous.
-Here he comes.
-Mr Linden, so good to see you.
-And you, Gino.
Oh.
So, Mr Linden, what can I get for you? Sex on the beach, or you want a drink first? A vodka tonic would be great.
I'lljust be over there.
-Your champagne, sir.
-Five hours that took.
-I hope you're not expecting a tip.
-I'll live.
Sorry? What was that? I've had enough of this.
I'm going to speak to your boss.
Mrs Sykes came by yesterday.
Her husband found a mini-bar receipt from your room.
She was worried that your relationship was gonna be discovered, and so she asked us to send an email saying that it was a mistake, to give you both a chance to talk to your partners yourselves.
Is that was this is all about? Christ, what are you? The marriage police? Don't get me wrong, sir.
Once you're in the confines of your own room, I wouldn't care if you're having a threesome with Topol and Arthur C Clarke, but what I do object to is being mislead.
It's not my problem, brother.
I didn't mislead you.
I didn't mislead anyone.
So Liz Sykes knows about this one? And she knows about Liz? Look, Liz has always had a very different impression of our relationship than I have.
She's certainly got the wrong impression about you.
Don't lecture me, you sanctimonious shit.
You're staff, okay? So get that chip off your shoulder and remember that you are here to serve.
There's a food chain, and you're way, way down.
These petty little revenges, you know, they're funny, because they're all you can do.
So bring it on, little man.
Like you said, I'll live.
Hello.
Mrs Sykes? It's Charlie Edwards from Hotel Babylon.
How's it going? How much have you made so far? Nothing.
He's playing some Mary Game.
Okay, so now you pull back a little and let him do the running.
Yeah, maybe.
Or maybe I give him a look at my pretty boys.
Hmm, yeah.
A bit slutty.
-Thank you.
-Pleasure.
-So, how's your boyfriend? -Oh, we finish now.
-Oh, sorry to hear that.
-Yeah.
It's okay.
I want to sleep around.
That's very honest of you.
Oh, I dropped my cloth.
I must clean this floor.
-Gino, this is Jane, my wife.
-Wife? -Did you got here, okay? -Fine, thank you.
Another vodka tonic, please.
-He's married.
-Oh, my God.
A part-timer.
I can't believe I got it wrong.
Maybe because he's English.
You all seem gay.
Don't worry, Gino.
He's not worth it.
Your payslip.
Normally, don't you just put these in our pigeonholes? Well, yes, but I thought it would be nice to God, why is everyone so Is it really that weird? Right, no.
Thanks.
Listen, Jackie.
I'm sorry about In the meeting yesterday, I'm sorry about some of what was said.
You care about them and that's a good thing.
I can't always do that.
In my job, I can't always do that.
And so they need someone like you.
And you must do whatever you think is right for them.
Okay? Right.
Good.
I'll see you later.
I'll do it now.
Thank you.
-A very good evening.
-Mr Boyack.
A couple more visits and we'll be eligible for a hotel fountain pen.
It's okay.
We know where we're going.
Of course, Mr Boyack.
(SHOUTING) Come on! Let's go! -Jackie! -I know.
Come on! Let's go! Please.
Come on.
Move it! Come on! Hurry! Wait.
Where is my father? Let me in! It's Adam.
Let me in! -What are you doing? Let him in.
-Rachel! Open the door! -Rachel! -Jackie, please.
Jackie, Jackie let him in.
Jackie, please.
ADAM: No! No! John Boyack, Immigration Service.
We have reason to believe that you are working here illegally.
No.
No, please.
Please, let me go.
Let me go.
Rachel! Rachel! Looks like you've got half the United Nations in there.
Just him.
That was the deal.
Catch you later! How do you sleep at night? Like a baby.
They've gone.
(RACHEL SOBBING) You don't know what he was like.
Rachel, tell them please.
Rachel, what he was doing to you was wrong.
Look at your face.
Look at what he did to you.
Rachel, please.
-Everything all right there, Charles? -Kool and the Gang.
Can I ask you something? -About marriage as a principle.
-Marriage as a principle? Blimey.
You're happy? You'd recommend it? Well, I'll tell you what marriage means to me.
It means a lack of uncertainty.
-That's a good thing, isn't it? -For me, it is, yeah.
Some people like uncertainty.
Cheers, Tone.
It's interesting that you didn't ask Rebecca.
You asked me.
I mean, my marriage may not be perfect, but it's probably one of the best of anyone's here.
You must have had a pretty good idea of what I was gonna say.
Meaning? Meaning I think you just wanted something confirmed.
Listen, anything weird on your payslip this week? Weird? Like what? Doesn't matter.
Mrs Sykes, thanks ever so much for coming.
-What's going on? What's all this about? -I'm so sorry.
I didn't really know what else to do.
-Liz.
-John.
What's going on? -Who are you? -Who are you? Okay, look.
This is You said you were seeing your nephew's school production of Guys andDolls.
-Wait, you said that was two nights ago.
-Two nights ago, he was here.
With me.
What's she talking about, John? Let me explain.
It's actually quite a funny story Wait a minute.
Liz? Not clingy Liz from work that won't take no for an answer? -What? -Oh, Christ.
-You said she was morbidly obese.
-You filthy piece of Ladies, if you want to fight, please go to Reception.
Yes, now we all need to calm He is such a dead man.
-I'm sorry.
-Don't be.
You've just saved me from the biggest mistake of my life.
Liz! What's going on? Where are you going? -Home.
-Liz Liz! Never mind, sir.
Have a mint.
Charlie.
My office.
Now.
You're fired.
-Okay, I know that I shouldn't have interfered.
-It's not because of that.
-But this guy's actually turned out to be -It's not because of that.
Why then? There's an overpayment of £1,000.
Did you think I wasn't gonna tell you? What is this? Some kind of test? And why would you need testing, Charlie? I got an 18-month sentence and I did a year of it.
I had my own business, importing stuff from Japan.
First year, 50 grand profit.
Second year, nothing.
£20,000 loss in the third year.
I borrowed everything I could, tried to turn things around, but.
.
.
Well, it just didn't happen.
So I set up a couple of accounts in my parents' name, borrowed what I needed.
The plan was always to pay it back.
One good deal is all it would have taken.
Okay.
I've heard enough.
-I should have told you, I know -This wasn't a question of saying something.
This wasn't omission, Charlie.
You lied.
-Have I done anything since? -Not as far as I know.
I'm asking you the question.
Have I done anything since? Yes or no? Don't you dare take the moral high ground over this.
You work in an industry with a turnover of millions.
A previous conviction for fraud is hardly a character reference.
I've done my sentence.
-I'm not a risk any more.
-You should have let me be the judge of that.
How do I know you're straight? How do I know you're not planning something? Being in prison, it's not like Porridge.
Nothing in the world is gonna take me back to that.
You still lied to me, Charlie.
Why should I give you a second chance? -Because you had one.
-How dare you! We are talking about hotel policy here.
My personal life has nothing to do with it! People screw up.
They do stupid things.
But that doesn't make them bad, that makes them human.
You're on your last life.
Thank you.
-The other option.
-Charlie, what are you doing? Hiya, how are you doing? The other option to keep you here.
If that's what it takes.
If that's the only way.
If it's our last resort, then let's do it.
Let's get married.
Sorry.
If there's any consolation, that really did sound better in my head.
It's fine.
It is? -What is? -I contacted the Immigration people.
I explained the situation, and they were fine about it.
-Really? -I mean, they told me off and everything, but they've given me another five months to sort myself out.
-And what's gonna happen then? -Then they'll come back and I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Right.
-That's great, then.
-Yeah, big relief.
-But, hey, thanks and everything.
-You're my mate.
What else could I do? Sorry.
Carry on.
Nice touch.
CHARLIE: A hotel is a society writ small.
It has its ruling class and its workforce.
Its haves and have-nots.
People come.
They stay for a while.
Sometimes they're welcome.
Thank you, sir.
And sometimes they aren't.
With all that luxury, you'd think people would want to stay forever, but all some want to do is go home again.
A hotel can be a sanctuary.
Whether they're fleeing from persecution, their past or themselves.
How we deal with people that ask us for shelter is a measure of our decency and our worth.
It creates unlikely villains and surprising heroes.
-Look after my hotel, Charlie.
-Don't worry.
I will.
Oi! Is he dead? I think I just heard MrJohnson attacking his wife.
The police are still searching the hotel, looking for his intestines.
-You don't seem to be checked in.
-You calling me a liar? If you like someone, you like them.
You can't fight chemistry.
I'm not doing this again.
I'm getting that plane.
-Mark -No, I'm sorry.
You decide what you want.
CHARLIE: Who's the most important person in a hotel? Rebecca, the manager? No.
It's certainly not me.
Is it Tony, the concierge? The man who can find you anything.
Look, he just found that nice, old gentleman a niece.
Is it the chef? The head barman? No.
You want to know the most important person in a hotel? It's him.
I'm serious.
And this guy.
And them.
These are the people that cook your meals and clean up your mess.
But you'll never see them, they're our dirty little secret, forbidden from even entering the same breathing space as any of the guests.
Many of them here illegally.
They simply don't exist.
But we're happy to turn a blind eye to doctored papers and fake passports.
If you've got two hands to clean with and two knees to crouch on, who cares whether you should be here or not? We feed them and water them, and the questions we don't ask are the ones they don't want to answer.
What you doing? You're half an hour late.
Get over there, lively.
-Okay, sir.
-Go on.
Besides, if it weren't for them, we'd have to employ regular people with National Insurance contributions, minimum wages and tiresome complaints about working conditions and Well, are you willing to pay for that? This is the way it's always been.
After all, who really built the pyramids? The Pharaohs or the slaves? -Food poisoning? -TANY A: Yes, that's right, Charlie.
It happened all of a sudden.
One minute I was fine Listen, Tanya, if you're gonna call in sick, can you at least come up with something a little bit more original? -Charlie, I'm not lying.
I'm really, really -Yeah, sure.
Next time, if a man answers, say "women's problems".
Take it from me, for most men, those are the two most frightening words in the English language.
-Did you have a pleasant stay? -Oh, yes.
Although we didn't get out that much.
Oh, God, you two, get a room.
No, wait.
You just have! I really must make tracks.
I'll call you tonight.
-John -It'll be fine.
Sorry, there's just Mr Fuller's company paid for the room.
-There's just a purchase from the mini-bar.
-Oh, right.
Sorry.
-Have you seen Pete around? -Pete? -Chauffeur guy with a ratty face.
-Oh, him.
No.
Why don't you check with security? Hi, Ben.
Look at you.
I could eat you up.
Morning, Anna.
Ooh, I'm loving what your hair's doing today.
Charlie? Waiting for six checkouts.
Other than that, we're VI.
-Any chance I can get five minutes? -As long as it's just five.
-Ooh, Ben, come here.
Something on your face.
-Gone.
-Are you okay? -Never been better.
Rebecca, can I just say, you look amazing.
I know.
Hold me.
I'm frightened.
-What's the matter with her? -Oh, please.
Do you need a diagram? If she was a man, she'd be high-fiving us all and burping.
She and her husband have obviously got back together again.
Two or three times I'd say by the looks of things.
Lovely.
Hey, Jagdeep.
You seen Pete? Chauffeur guy, ratty little face.
Not for a few days.
Rebecca kick him out.
-What? -This is Wednesday, right? He pull up, I see Rebecca come out the lift, then she talk to you, then she go outside and go climb in his car.
They talk for a bit.
She start jabbing her finger like this.
Then she get out, she slam the door and he drive off.
You saw all of that from in here? You want to know what's really going on, come to Jagdeep.
I don't miss bloody nothing.
Hmm.
Just like last week, when the guests nicked the sofa.
That was You got nothing better to bloody do? All right? It's okay, we're not coming in.
We're just here to stop anyone getting out.
Morning, sir.
Everything all right? My name is John Boyack from the Immigration Service.
-We have authority to search these premises.
-Not a problem.
Would you like someone to show you around or are you Oh, while I remember.
Ben, did you take those purple acquisition forms down to Housekeeping like I asked? -Ah, no.
I'll do it now.
-Brain like a sieve.
Anyway, as I was saying, are you okay or would you like someone to show you around? -Jackie.
-Immigration.
-It's a raid.
-Oh, God! (YELLING IN SPANISH) (SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN) Sledjik.
Justbloody sledjik.
(STAFF CLAMOURING) Where's Ibrahim? He'll be fine.
There's a code we use.
It means we get a few minutes' warning so we can hide from them.
Adam! What's wrong with her? She's diabetic.
She's having a hypoglycaemic attack.
What do we do? We can't take her out there.
They'll take her.
They'll take all of you.
Rachel, pass me that box.
What are you doing? The sugar in the jam is absorbed through the mucus membranes in her gums.
I wasn't always a cleaner.
(GASPS) Hey.
You okay? It's Adam, isn't it? Thank you.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -They've got someone.
-Ibrahim.
Come on, sir.
He's Sudanese.
For Christ's sake, his brothers and father have all been shot.
If he gets sent back, he'll be killed.
That's exactly what my boss will do to me if I go back with an empty van.
-Look, I'll sack him.
Just let him disappear.
-We're not stupid.
We know the codes.
You had, what? Two minutes, three, to clear them away? He wasn't quick enough.
We got him.
Rules of the game.
Jackie.
Jackie, can you I am terribly sorry everybody.
This does happen from time to time.
Erm, Gino, could you perhaps get these ladies and gentlemen a drink? Okay.
(CHATTERING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGES) -Hi, Gino.
-Hey.
-This guy's just rang down.
His keycard's -So, anyway, there's this guest coming tomorrow and he thinks I'm gay.
Why does he think you're gay? Who knows? He's crazy.
-I told him I have a boyfriend.
-What? GINO: He's in my bar.
He's been spending money all night.
Thank you.
And I'm being, you know, attentive.
Just smiling and shit to encourage him.
Anyway, eventually he get up and ask if I want to go to his room.
I had to say something.
I have a boyfriend.
So you told him you had a boyfriend? Yeah, he's a big fellow.
We have a lot of fun.
This guy tip like an Arab, but he coming again tomorrow, so I need your help.
-With what? -With the walking and the talking.
Make me more -Believable? -Swishy, yeah.
-You're the only gay I know.
-I'd gathered that.
Look, I give you 10% of whatever I get.
Dress? Whatever.
I know what you thinking, is gonna be a tough job.
-You think I should lose the moustache? -No! I think the moustache is essential.
Hey, Ben.
Just the walking and the talking, eh? You make me a real gay, I gonna kill you.
-I'll bear that in mind.
-I serious.
I start looking at men's asses, you a dead man.
Hi, I need to speak to someone.
It's a little delicate.
-No problem.
-We're here to help.
Thank you, Derek.
Why don't you go and do your door thing? Step this way.
-I stayed here the night before last.
-Yes, of course.
-I trust you both had a pleasant stay? -Yeah.
Yeah, it was great.
Look, I need you to send an email to my husband.
Well, to me, actually, but I need him to see it.
He's found a receipt for something that I took from the mini-bar and So I need you to send an email saying I don't know, that it was a mistake and that I didn't take it.
-Was it a particularly expensive item? -Yes.
Yeah.
It was one of those mini bottles of wine, £15 for two glasses.
You've got to admit, it was quite steep.
Well, I'm afraid there's not a lot I can do.
The prices are listed in the room service menu.
I know, it was stupid of me not to have checked, but if you could just send this email That's really not possible.
However, I will make a note of it in the computer and perhaps on your next visit That man I was with, he isn't my husband.
Ah.
My husband thinks I was staying with my sister in Brighton.
I told him that I came here for a coffee when I got off the train, so obviously he's wondering why the receipt is saying I took something -from a mini-bar in a room.
-Well, he would.
We had a huge row.
Look, I know this is a lot to ask, but please, I really need your help.
-No! -Why not? Hotel policy.
We don't lie and we don't send out fake emails.
-Come on, Charlie.
-It's just one email.
Well, suppose he finds out? The husband.
Suppose he finds out and wants a divorce and they produce this email as evidence in court.
-He won't.
-You can guarantee that? We're not here to cover up people's squalid little trysts.
-I've told her it'll be fine.
-It's not our job -to lie about their pathetic, grubby little -Her marriage is at stake.
You can hear me, can't you? I mean, I am saying this out loud? I will take full responsibility.
It's not up to you to take responsibility.
It's up to her! If you're wondering what to tell her, say it's fraud.
And you wouldn't want to commit a fraud, would you, Charlie? -I'm really sorry.
-No.
Right.
Okay.
Thanks anyway.
This isn't because I'm a coward.
I am gonna tell him.
And John, my The other man.
He's gonna tell his wife.
We want to be together.
I care deeply about my husband.
He deserves better than to find out like this.
Wait a second.
-Give me your email address.
-What? I'll say that we've had a glitch and the computer's putting out the wrong billing information.
Oh, God, thank you.
Thank you so much.
I'll put my mobile number on there as well.
I'm not proud of this, for what it's worth.
I fell in love.
-You're a doctor in? -Sierra Leone.
-I was an anaesthetist in Freetown.
-Why did you leave? I wrote an article criticising the Minister for Health.
We fled before the police came, but they held a trial anyway.
Apparently I was sentenced to two years.
Rachel, give him some aspirin.
We don't have any.
Is there anything I can do? -They keep aspirin in reception for the guests.
-Sure.
I'll nick a couple of packets.
-I also need bandages, if you can get them.
-Right.
This happen a lot? A lot of them, they connect hospitals with authority.
If they go there, they worry questions will be asked, information passed.
Now, forgive me.
I have to clean the toilets.
Thank you.
I know it sounds But thank you for doing this.
It reminds me of my former life.
This is important to me.
You must be really proud of your dad, Rachel.
-I -My daughter's a good girl.
-You like it here? In England, I mean.
-Your accent.
It's not English.
-No, I'm from Australia.
-Australia? Then we're all a long way from home.
Yeah.
Yeah, we are.
Hi, everyone.
What we need to discuss today is yesterday's raid by the Immigration Service.
It's been about five months since the last raid, so I guess we were due one, and given they were able to apprehend someone, that should hopefully buy us a bit of breathing space.
What I do want to talk about is how in future we Yes, Jackie.
I feel like a teacher.
Yeah, I just wanted to know what you meant by that last comment.
Now that we've, what, thrown them some meat, they won't bother us for a while? Well, I think that's a slightly emotive way of putting it.
They know there are people working here without the correct documentation.
The fact that we are allowed to operate at all given those circumstances is because they turn a blind eye.
Enduring a raid now and then is Losing a member of staff.
-Is a small price to pay if it -If it allows us to keep the toilets clean -for below the minimum wage.
-Allows the rest of the staff to continue working here safely.
My point is, in future, we can't allow it to spill into a public area of the hotel like that.
Yes, Jackie.
Is that what we're talking about here? That it happened in reception? I think what we're talking about is minimising disruption.
Oh, I'm sorry, should I have put my hand up? Is that the new rule now? So next time, I shouldn't bother hiding them? I should just let Immigration take their pick? No, of course not.
But this is a business.
We all have jobs to do and, as Head of Housekeeping, yours is the control and supervision of your staff.
You can't have it both ways.
Unless you're gonna pay more or offer better conditions, these are the people you're gonna get.
To be fair, the fact that it's casual work suits them as well.
Thank you, Charlie.
If we need anything else blindingly obvious pointed out, we know who to ask.
Yeah.
They work 18-hour shifts for next to no money, yet it's the hotel being exploited.
We feed these people.
We give them jobs.
But we have responsibilities, Jackie, and so do you, so stop being so bloody naive! Well, I guess that's me told.
Hi, Rachel.
Pull up a chair.
Here you are, Rachel.
I'm done.
You can sit here.
You literally have no windows.
-What are you doing here? -I can't believe it.
-I thought that was illegal.
-Is this a raid? -No one was told.
-You should speak to someone.
What if there was a fire? -What do you want? -August 30th.
-What about it? -It's when your visa ran out.
A few weeks we could deal with.
But six months? That's just rude.
-So what happens now? -Well you could go back to Australia and apply for a new visa there, but frankly, it's a long shot.
You've concealed your status, which means you're an illegal immigrant.
That doesn't so much as put you at the back of the queue, but put you in a whole, new, different queue, you really don't want to be in.
-I have a son here.
-I bet he's a stunner.
-I can't leave him.
-Take him with you.
This is his home.
This is my home.
Yeah, moot point that.
Option two, marry.
-The dad still on the scene? -Yes, but we're no longer a couple.
Ah.
Anyone else around? -Not really.
-That's criminal.
So where does that leave us? Here's the thing.
I've gotta keep my quota up and you are going to help me.
We won't take the piss.
You give me someone now and we won't have to come back for five months or so? I can't.
I can't do that.
Sleep on it.
I got to take someone home in the van, Jackie.
Doesn't have to be you.
-Listen, I've only got 15 minutes.
-Oh, that's okay.
I promised I'd help out on the morning checkout.
-The thing is, I need to tell you something.
-Oh.
Why don't you tell me after? Or better still, during.
Throw in a couple of swear words.
I have to go back to Australia.
My visa's run out.
-You're kidding? -No.
How come? Okay, the plan was George, my ex, and I would marry, but we split up.
By which time, my visa had expired.
For the first month or so I thought it'd be okay and we'd get back together.
But it got later and later, and I thought, if I tell them now, they'll send me back, so I said nothing.
There must be something you can do.
I could get married, Charlie.
You and, erm, what's his name? George? You're not seeing each other, right? -Yeah.
-No, so that's not really an option.
No, obviously not.
Your son's here.
Surely there must a way round it.
No, I'm sure you're right.
Can't you appeal or write a letter? It'll be fine.
I just thought that I just thought that you'd want to know.
-Oh, sorry.
-No, no, it's ok.
Come on in.
I was just -Shit.
What happened to your face? -Oh, yes.
Just me being clumsy.
The vacuum pipe, it was stuck.
I yanked it out and bam! Babe, you need to get some powder on that thing.
Come over here.
Okay, prepare to be dazzled.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING) (WHISTLING) -It's great to see you again.
-Thanks, Gino.
It's great to see you.
-That's a nice tie.
-This one? It's old.
-Have you lost weight? -Atkins.
I like your mouth.
Whoa! Okay, that's We may just have to pull back a little there.
Yeah, I'm confused.
Do you actually wanna sleep with this guy? I thought you said compliments were good.
Compliments, yes, but you're getting into a whole new territory there.
Though, to be fair, I have got quite a nice mouth.
Let's just keep it to things you could say to a cousin.
A good-looking, female cousin.
-You can flirt.
You can be twinkly.
-All this effort, Gino.
How much of a big tipper is this guy? Last time he here, he give me £100 just for a vodka tonic.
Jesus! You go, girl.
Is there a walk as well? Show them the walk.
What? -Is terrible, isn't it? -No.
-No, no, it's great.
-Yeah, you've got me on the turn.
And me.
My God.
-What? -That's the guy.
The guy from yesterday.
The woman who asked me to send that fake email.
That's her boyfriend.
-So who's the woman? -She must be his wife.
How cheap.
Yeah.
You think he'd at least take her to a different hotel.
No, I mean the wife.
Look at the hair.
She's no blonde.
I bet you anything that the collar and the cuffs don't match.
Hi.
We have a room booked, Fuller.
Mr Fuller.
And have you stayed with us before, sir? Once or twice.
Right then.
Well, all your information should be in the computer.
Yes, excellent.
I just need to swipe a credit card, please.
-Sorry, babe, could you, er -Yeah, sure.
It's just the guy that does the expenses, bit of a Nazi.
That's excellent.
Thank you, Mrs Miss Kerrigan.
-Is there a problem? -Not at all, madam.
Oh.
Actually, I'm ever so sorry, but it looks like the suite we reserved for you is unavailable.
There was a leak in the room upstairs and it's being redecorated.
What? You're joking.
However, I've got another room for you at the rear of the hotel.
It's very nice.
-KERRIGAN: Does it have a view? -Of sorts.
Room 207.
Sorry, darling.
There you go.
Excellent.
Enjoy your stay.
-What's this? -Last Friday of the month.
Pay day.
But you normally just leave these in our pigeonholes.
That's so impersonal, don't you think? It's just my way of saying, I don't know Thank you for all the hard work you guys put in.
Ah.
Your ill-gotten gains.
Your face.
Relax.
You'll get wrinkles.
More wrinkles.
-Darren who? -I don't know.
He works in the kitchens.
You don't know who he is either? All I know is the guy's leaving and they've asked everyone to sign the card.
(GRUMBLES) I hope we don't have to chip in for the present or nothing.
-You gonna be like this when I go? -Yeah.
-Jesus! -What? What happened? Rachel.
What happened? I saw him on the screen.
He hit you.
-It is fine.
It is fine.
-It's not fine.
-Please, come into my office.
-Jackie, please.
I've spoken to the Back of House Manager and the Head of Security.
-You have half an hour to leave.
-As you wish.
-But Rachel stays.
-That is impossible.
I've seen what you do to her, Adam.
-You say goodbye with me there and then you go.
-I shall take her with me.
Please.
Do not interfere with things that do not concern you.
When someone does that to one of my girls, it concerns me.
Do you know what they do to the women in my country? Their children, their daughters? -I can imagine.
-I brought her here to protect her.
I was a fool.
Your culture disgusts me.
You are so keen to surrender their childhood and immerse them in your own depravity.
The way the men look at the women here.
This is what I risked our lives to escape from? -So that's how you protect her? -God understands.
And one day, so will she.
Do you think God ever gets pissed off being used as justification -by weak and stupid little men like you? -I was a doctor and now I clean toilets.
Can you even begin to understand how that feels? You can't take that out on a 17-year-old girl! She is all I have left! I will not let her go! This is the only thing I can control.
We will not be separated.
If you want her, then I will stay.
Hi.
I'd like an extra pillow, please.
Certainly, sir.
I'lljust ask someone to call Housekeeping, and they'll No, no, no.
It's You don't understand.
I'd like "an extra pillow.
" Okay, I'lljust ask someone to call Housekeeping Excuse me, sir.
I'm so sorry.
I couldn't help overhearing.
If you wouldn't mind? -Mr Casemore? -Yes.
This gentlemen requires an extra pillow.
Thank you, Mr Edwards.
Now then, does sir have a preference? Black, white, blonde, brunette? It helps me to source the service if I know the sort of thing that sir has in mind.
David, at your induction, did they tell you anything about codes? They said if there's a suspect package, we had to say, "MrJet is in the restaurant.
" Yes, very good.
They didn't say "extra pillow" means "hooker"? Does it? Don't tell me all this time you've been giving them extra pillows? Growing up, did people say you were a special child? Well, if you can't help me, perhaps I can speak to somebody who can.
-Problem, sir? -Mr Fuller has had eight phone calls.
-You're a very popular guest.
-None of them were for me.
-They were all misdirected from here.
-That's impossible, sir.
Ah, hang on a minute.
Yeah, we have had some computer trouble.
I think it's redirecting the calls to the wrong rooms.
And I've just had a prostitute knocking at my door.
Well, she would have to let you know she's there somehow, sir.
I didn't order her, you idiot.
What I did order was a bottle of champagne from Room Service about two hours ago.
And it's still not arrived? (SIGHS) This place -Is this anything to do with you? -Me, sir? Room Service is an entirely different department.
I would have to have gone down there and told them to ignore all your calls.
I'll tell you what, why don't I nip down there now myself and get it for you? -What, now? -Here I go.
-Where are you going? -Tea break.
He checked in about 3:00.
Yeah, he booked a table in the restaurant for 9:00.
Where is he? Don't he want a drink first? -How do I look? -Give me the twinkle.
-Fabulous.
-Here he comes.
-Mr Linden, so good to see you.
-And you, Gino.
Oh.
So, Mr Linden, what can I get for you? Sex on the beach, or you want a drink first? A vodka tonic would be great.
I'lljust be over there.
-Your champagne, sir.
-Five hours that took.
-I hope you're not expecting a tip.
-I'll live.
Sorry? What was that? I've had enough of this.
I'm going to speak to your boss.
Mrs Sykes came by yesterday.
Her husband found a mini-bar receipt from your room.
She was worried that your relationship was gonna be discovered, and so she asked us to send an email saying that it was a mistake, to give you both a chance to talk to your partners yourselves.
Is that was this is all about? Christ, what are you? The marriage police? Don't get me wrong, sir.
Once you're in the confines of your own room, I wouldn't care if you're having a threesome with Topol and Arthur C Clarke, but what I do object to is being mislead.
It's not my problem, brother.
I didn't mislead you.
I didn't mislead anyone.
So Liz Sykes knows about this one? And she knows about Liz? Look, Liz has always had a very different impression of our relationship than I have.
She's certainly got the wrong impression about you.
Don't lecture me, you sanctimonious shit.
You're staff, okay? So get that chip off your shoulder and remember that you are here to serve.
There's a food chain, and you're way, way down.
These petty little revenges, you know, they're funny, because they're all you can do.
So bring it on, little man.
Like you said, I'll live.
Hello.
Mrs Sykes? It's Charlie Edwards from Hotel Babylon.
How's it going? How much have you made so far? Nothing.
He's playing some Mary Game.
Okay, so now you pull back a little and let him do the running.
Yeah, maybe.
Or maybe I give him a look at my pretty boys.
Hmm, yeah.
A bit slutty.
-Thank you.
-Pleasure.
-So, how's your boyfriend? -Oh, we finish now.
-Oh, sorry to hear that.
-Yeah.
It's okay.
I want to sleep around.
That's very honest of you.
Oh, I dropped my cloth.
I must clean this floor.
-Gino, this is Jane, my wife.
-Wife? -Did you got here, okay? -Fine, thank you.
Another vodka tonic, please.
-He's married.
-Oh, my God.
A part-timer.
I can't believe I got it wrong.
Maybe because he's English.
You all seem gay.
Don't worry, Gino.
He's not worth it.
Your payslip.
Normally, don't you just put these in our pigeonholes? Well, yes, but I thought it would be nice to God, why is everyone so Is it really that weird? Right, no.
Thanks.
Listen, Jackie.
I'm sorry about In the meeting yesterday, I'm sorry about some of what was said.
You care about them and that's a good thing.
I can't always do that.
In my job, I can't always do that.
And so they need someone like you.
And you must do whatever you think is right for them.
Okay? Right.
Good.
I'll see you later.
I'll do it now.
Thank you.
-A very good evening.
-Mr Boyack.
A couple more visits and we'll be eligible for a hotel fountain pen.
It's okay.
We know where we're going.
Of course, Mr Boyack.
(SHOUTING) Come on! Let's go! -Jackie! -I know.
Come on! Let's go! Please.
Come on.
Move it! Come on! Hurry! Wait.
Where is my father? Let me in! It's Adam.
Let me in! -What are you doing? Let him in.
-Rachel! Open the door! -Rachel! -Jackie, please.
Jackie, Jackie let him in.
Jackie, please.
ADAM: No! No! John Boyack, Immigration Service.
We have reason to believe that you are working here illegally.
No.
No, please.
Please, let me go.
Let me go.
Rachel! Rachel! Looks like you've got half the United Nations in there.
Just him.
That was the deal.
Catch you later! How do you sleep at night? Like a baby.
They've gone.
(RACHEL SOBBING) You don't know what he was like.
Rachel, tell them please.
Rachel, what he was doing to you was wrong.
Look at your face.
Look at what he did to you.
Rachel, please.
-Everything all right there, Charles? -Kool and the Gang.
Can I ask you something? -About marriage as a principle.
-Marriage as a principle? Blimey.
You're happy? You'd recommend it? Well, I'll tell you what marriage means to me.
It means a lack of uncertainty.
-That's a good thing, isn't it? -For me, it is, yeah.
Some people like uncertainty.
Cheers, Tone.
It's interesting that you didn't ask Rebecca.
You asked me.
I mean, my marriage may not be perfect, but it's probably one of the best of anyone's here.
You must have had a pretty good idea of what I was gonna say.
Meaning? Meaning I think you just wanted something confirmed.
Listen, anything weird on your payslip this week? Weird? Like what? Doesn't matter.
Mrs Sykes, thanks ever so much for coming.
-What's going on? What's all this about? -I'm so sorry.
I didn't really know what else to do.
-Liz.
-John.
What's going on? -Who are you? -Who are you? Okay, look.
This is You said you were seeing your nephew's school production of Guys andDolls.
-Wait, you said that was two nights ago.
-Two nights ago, he was here.
With me.
What's she talking about, John? Let me explain.
It's actually quite a funny story Wait a minute.
Liz? Not clingy Liz from work that won't take no for an answer? -What? -Oh, Christ.
-You said she was morbidly obese.
-You filthy piece of Ladies, if you want to fight, please go to Reception.
Yes, now we all need to calm He is such a dead man.
-I'm sorry.
-Don't be.
You've just saved me from the biggest mistake of my life.
Liz! What's going on? Where are you going? -Home.
-Liz Liz! Never mind, sir.
Have a mint.
Charlie.
My office.
Now.
You're fired.
-Okay, I know that I shouldn't have interfered.
-It's not because of that.
-But this guy's actually turned out to be -It's not because of that.
Why then? There's an overpayment of £1,000.
Did you think I wasn't gonna tell you? What is this? Some kind of test? And why would you need testing, Charlie? I got an 18-month sentence and I did a year of it.
I had my own business, importing stuff from Japan.
First year, 50 grand profit.
Second year, nothing.
£20,000 loss in the third year.
I borrowed everything I could, tried to turn things around, but.
.
.
Well, it just didn't happen.
So I set up a couple of accounts in my parents' name, borrowed what I needed.
The plan was always to pay it back.
One good deal is all it would have taken.
Okay.
I've heard enough.
-I should have told you, I know -This wasn't a question of saying something.
This wasn't omission, Charlie.
You lied.
-Have I done anything since? -Not as far as I know.
I'm asking you the question.
Have I done anything since? Yes or no? Don't you dare take the moral high ground over this.
You work in an industry with a turnover of millions.
A previous conviction for fraud is hardly a character reference.
I've done my sentence.
-I'm not a risk any more.
-You should have let me be the judge of that.
How do I know you're straight? How do I know you're not planning something? Being in prison, it's not like Porridge.
Nothing in the world is gonna take me back to that.
You still lied to me, Charlie.
Why should I give you a second chance? -Because you had one.
-How dare you! We are talking about hotel policy here.
My personal life has nothing to do with it! People screw up.
They do stupid things.
But that doesn't make them bad, that makes them human.
You're on your last life.
Thank you.
-The other option.
-Charlie, what are you doing? Hiya, how are you doing? The other option to keep you here.
If that's what it takes.
If that's the only way.
If it's our last resort, then let's do it.
Let's get married.
Sorry.
If there's any consolation, that really did sound better in my head.
It's fine.
It is? -What is? -I contacted the Immigration people.
I explained the situation, and they were fine about it.
-Really? -I mean, they told me off and everything, but they've given me another five months to sort myself out.
-And what's gonna happen then? -Then they'll come back and I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Right.
-That's great, then.
-Yeah, big relief.
-But, hey, thanks and everything.
-You're my mate.
What else could I do? Sorry.
Carry on.
Nice touch.
CHARLIE: A hotel is a society writ small.
It has its ruling class and its workforce.
Its haves and have-nots.
People come.
They stay for a while.
Sometimes they're welcome.
Thank you, sir.
And sometimes they aren't.
With all that luxury, you'd think people would want to stay forever, but all some want to do is go home again.
A hotel can be a sanctuary.
Whether they're fleeing from persecution, their past or themselves.
How we deal with people that ask us for shelter is a measure of our decency and our worth.
It creates unlikely villains and surprising heroes.
-Look after my hotel, Charlie.
-Don't worry.
I will.
Oi! Is he dead? I think I just heard MrJohnson attacking his wife.
The police are still searching the hotel, looking for his intestines.
-You don't seem to be checked in.
-You calling me a liar? If you like someone, you like them.
You can't fight chemistry.
I'm not doing this again.
I'm getting that plane.
-Mark -No, I'm sorry.
You decide what you want.