In My Skin (2018) s01e05 Episode Script

1
Miss, I want to run for head girl.
Lovely. Deadline was yesterday.
Please shut the door.
Yeah, but I was off sick yesterday
so Oh, cry me a river.
I can't go moving
dates around willy-nilly,
else everyone will want
special treatment, won't they?
Well, it could just be our little
secret.
Don't do that.
Rules are rules, and anyway,
these things,
they're a popularity contest.
Not to say that you're not popular
but, erm
All right, let's not beat
around the bush, you're not popular.
Cheers, miss. Come on. Get real.
I've got the likes of
Poppy Cruickshank in the running.
It would be David and Goliath.
Yeah, but popular girls shouldn't
just automatically get it anyway.
It's not fair.
Oh, maybe you'll get a Filofax and
start adhering to deadlines then.
What use is a Filofax? People
in the running for head girl./
Now, if there's nothing else
This is discrimination.
No, it's not.
Can I just say one more thing?
Oh, good God, what?
This school, right, has been crying
out for the voice of the many
and that's me, me.
Come on. Just do it as an
experiment,
see if I get the others to
work harder.
That's two things.
Campaign speeches are next week.
Don't let me down
and don't embarrass yourself.
I won't, I promise.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, please get out.
..I wouldn't call myself an expert.
I would argue no-one can truly
call themselves a film fan if they
haven't watched an Almodovar.
Oh, please, that's ludicrous.
I didn't say you have to like them.
But you've got to be fluent in
their artistic currency.
Travis, favourite film? Erm
I've always really liked
Moulin Rouge.
You've got to be joking. No.
That was a great film. Arty.
Arty is one word.
Derivative's another.
Trav, Mrs Blocker wants to
see you in her office. Why?
She caught you on the CCTV wearing
your trainers. Oh, for God
Erm
Right, I'll see you in a bit, boys.
You're welcome. Oh, you dickhead,
I was bricking it.
Well, I had to be cruel to be kind,
didn't I?
Right, do you want to help me
make some posters? What for?/f
I'm so crap at this stuff. Hm.
Yeah, I can see that.
HE SCOFFS
By the way, I wanted to say
sorry for the other day.
Just for the other day? Because
you've been a dick for weeks, babe.
Yeah, well, all right,
give us offence.
Will you forgive me if I buy you
a Club bar? Maybe.
Thanks.
On a completely different topic,
erm,
can I borrow £1.50?
Please. You're a twat.
Have you spoken to Lyds?
Yeah. Well, no, I haven't.
I texted her but she just replied
with three middle-finger emojis.
Yeah, I know. She's pissed.
She's so pissed.
Right, show me them.
Right, yeah. I don't know, this is
what I've got. I mean
THEY LAUGH
No, that's shit. Ohhh!
That's a bit harsh.
No, it's not funny. What?
I can't put that round the school.
I'm a strong independent woman.
..future, that's just fact, there
won't be jobs for any of us,
within ten years, we'll just
Peter.
Hey, erm, can you help us with this?
Please. I'm hardly going to say yes
before I know the terms.
All right, chill out, I'm not going
to ask you to sign a contract.
Just help with these posters. Oh!
Very droll.
Done. Easy.
Oh, my God. Peter, you're a ledge.
But don't think this
secures my vote,
I will remain impartial until I have
considered all policies.
BELL RINGS
Right. There we go.
That's that one done.
Nice. Right.
Babe. What's all this?
She's running for head girl.
I'm running for head girl.
Oh, my goodness, good for you,
babe. Thanks.
But what about the deadline?
You missed it, right?
Oh, that It doesn't matter to me,
I'm just
I'm so proud of you, Beth.
Good luck.
Gosh, she's a rotten apple.
All right, Grandma.
Jesus! Shut up!
Hi, Beth. What?
Can I take some of those? I'll put
'em up for you. Thanks.
Here, take a few.
Beth?
Beat the bitch. Sorry?
You heard me.
Bye.
Bye.
Excuse me. Hi.
Sorry, I'm just looking for Trina.
I think she was watching the telly.
OK.
I'm going that way, I'll take you.
OK.
Are you her daughter? Yeah.
Yes, Bethan, she's been telling me
all about you. Really?/f
Yeah, you're going to be a Hollywood
star, apparently. Oh, G
I don't know about that!
THEY LAUGH
I've healed you now, so you can get
on the floor if you want.
Piss off.
Oh, Beth!
Where have you been? To school.
School. Busy? Yeah. Oh!
I've got myself in a bit of hot
water. Why? font col
See that woman over there?
Just promised to buy her
a brand-new Ferrari. Oh!
Writing cheques my arse can't cash.
Cup of tea? No.
No, I don't want that.
Ah, backwash.
So, how do you feel?
Yeah, great.
It's like a five-star hotel in here.
No, but, I mean, like, what's going
on in your head? Everyth
Yeah. Well, I can read the Bible
and enjoy it and I can drink hot
and cold tea and enjoy that too.
Mam, no, don't drink
Someone's drunk out of that.
Don't drink it.
Listen. Huh?
I'm going to run for this election
thing in school. Mm./fon
Like Margaret Thatcher?
No, Mam, no.
Basically, if Iif you get it,
you become the face of the school
so I've got to do this speech
in front of
Remember when you did a play and you
were sick, vomited everywhere?
You was a wreck. Yeah,
I remember that, yeah.
It's not like that.
Oh, hold on a minute.
Just got to tune my brain in, Beth.
What are you doing, Trina,
you all right?
No, it's just a cleaner.
Mam, shush.
You can't say that, that's rude.
Gasping for a cup of tea.
Oh, Mam, that's Oh
Disgusting?
It's very nice, thank you. OK.
What is he doing up there?
Don't care. He can stay up there.
What's some good policies?
What did you want
when you were in school, Nan?
All I cared about was necking boys.
Oh.
It's true. Duncan Gibbert made me
go weak at the knees. Stop
Look, you don't need all this
bollocks, you're a lovely girl.
You just stand up there and say,
"I'm beautiful, everybody
font color="#ffff00
You smoking crack?
Not lately, no.
BETHAN LAUGHS
Go and tell him his tea's ready.
He won't come. Right./fon
I'll go tell him and you are coming
with me. No, I'm not.
Please, I don't want to see him.
Come on.
LOUD KNOCKING
Dil, I'm coming in. Not now, Mam.
Come and have some dinner.
Just get out, Mam.
Get out!
I told you.
Hey.
Whoa. How many farts have
you done in here?
It stinks.
TV ON IN BACKGROUND
Can you not? That's my last one.
Twat.
What are you watching?
Cats Kingdom. Why?
Do you want something? Yeah.
I miss you.
I've been worried about you.
Well, I'm fine, so you can go.
You don't come to school and you
look like shit so I look
Yeah.
Look in the mirror.
My mum's at a conference anyway so
I'm obviously going to knock off.
Guess what?
Shereen Hammer and JD Jenkins had
sex in a graveyard.
Like, on a grave.
Can you imagine the corpse
underneath being like,
"Are you taking the p?"?
Do you reckon you'll be
there on Wednesday?
Dunno.
Cos I'm doing my speech
for head girl.
Yeah. And I need you and Trav
there because I'm shitting myself.
What?
That is suicide.
Yeah, maybe.
Will you vote for me, though?
Pff, no.
I'm going out now so
OK, I'll go.
I'm so sorry about what
Tony Chippy did to you.
I know you feel like a piece
of shit, but you're not.
You're wicked. You're
..amazing,
you're funny andI love you.
Oi!
DOOR CLOSES
Vote for Bethan.
Vote for Bethan.
Do you s? Why's she laughing?
That was a bit rude.
Vote for Bethan. Vote for Bethan.
Vote for Bethan, mate.
Trav, I printed 100 of these.
No-one's taken one.
Free flapjack if you vote for me.
Look at the state of her.
Corrupt already.
Be honest. No-one is going to vote
for me, are they?
LAUGHTER
What the fuck?
You just got dog pooed. Oh, my God!
Is it on me? Is it on me?
No, it's on ME, you twat!
It stinks. Is it on you?
Do you see what I mean, though?/fon
We're being shat on,
it's embarrassing.
Right, none of the pupils are going
to vote for you, babe.
But the teachers make up 50% of
the vote, don't they? So if you
get them on board No. ..you may
font color="#00ff
Go in the staffroom. Please don't.
I've said no.
Trav!
KNOCKS ON DOOR
Please don't. I asked you not to.
Yeah, but it'll be fine.
You're causing a scene now.
I'm not causing a scene. See./
SHE SIGHS
Avon calling.
What do you guttersnipes want, hm?
Well, Bethan is on the campaign
trail and she'd love to run
the teachers through her policies,
wouldn't you, Beth?
I'm trying to eat my bagel here
so 60 seconds.
That's all we'll take
and then we'll be right out of here.
All right. Enter.
Make it pithy. OK.
We're in.
So, these two want to chew our ears
off. Come on, then, let's hear it.
I'm running for head girl
and I wondered if I could count on
your vote.
It all depends, doesn't it?
You scratchy our backies,
we scratchy yours and all that.
Basically, I'm going to pledge
for the canteen to go plastic free.
Ooh, boring. Or did you just steal
that off of every single poster down
the corridor, did you?
No. No, I didn't, actually.
No. I called the current suppliers
to price it up and they're actually
more expensive than the ones
offering compostable packaging.
Not bad.
See, you nearly lost me there
but then you reeled me
back in like a little fish on a
little dish. Props to you.
SHE SNIFFS
Right. Time's up.
Can I give you one of these?
No. No.
THEY GIBBER
Get all those muscles relaxed.
Yeah. Just let it go. Oh! /fo
How does it help my speech?
Cos if you're relaxed, then
people are going to listen to you.
Like as if you are just watching
the telly. Get your tongue out.
That's it.
Cunnilingus. Focus.
Focus. Seriously!
Repeat after me.
Betty Botter bought some butter but
she said the butter's bitter
Who the fuck is Betty?
THEY EXHALE
Brrrrrrr.
BOTH: Aaaaaaaaaaaah.
Hit me.
Come on.
My fellow Year 11s Eye contact,
babe!
My name is Bethan Gwyndaf
and I'm here to recruit you.
I can't forget the looks on the
faces of people who have lost hope.
If I can be elected, it's a green
light, it says dare to hope
and you and you and you,
you have to give people hope.
Is that the speech from Milk, babe?
What, you've seen it?
Yeah, of course I have. Everyone
has. It's good. It's really good.
It's really good.
It's just not really you.
What? The speeches are tomorrow!
Well, I What am I meant to do?
Well, it's fine, we can just
work on it It's not fine.
We can go through it.
I've just wasted, like, the last
however many hours doing nothing in
a field, embarrassing myself, for
you to say it doesn't sound like me.
Hope for a better place to Oh.
SHE MUMBLES
Hope for a better place to come to,
if the pressures at home are too
great.
HE SLAMS DOOR
I could cry when I hear you
talk like that.
You're going to go far, my girl.
OK, settle down.
Come on, take your seats.
We will be starting in five minutes
with the female candidates.
You have to line up near me.
Female candidates.
Settle down.
Shut it!
Jonesy, in your own time.
SHE TAKES DEEP BREATHS
First candidate to welcome to
the stage, please,
it is Sarah Zygmund.
APPLAUSE
Give me an L!
ALL: L!
Give me another L!
ALL: L!
Give me an A!
OK, that's quite enough of that.
I'd like to get home today before
lunchtime. Isn't it? All right.
Now, we have Poppy Cruickshank.
CHEERING
We love you, Poppy!
I love you too!
Right, first things first.
Llanfair High School is the best.
Woohoo!
CHEERING
CHANTING: Llanfair, Llanfair!
OK, OK, OK!
Be serious now, guys.
It would be an honour to
work for you all.
And, truly, my door will always
be open.
I want you to come to me with any
problems, and we'll fix it together.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Now, your final candidate to
take to the stage,
please welcome Bethan Gwyndaf.
Hi.
Sorry.
Hurry up, love!
LAUGHTER
My name is Bethan Gwyndaf.
And I'm here to
..to recruit you.
SNORTS OF LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
Forget a speech.
I'm just going to cut to the chase.
Vote for me and I pledge to fix
the toilet seats.
You know, the deathly ones
that look normal
but are actually split down
the middle, yeah?
No longer will you lower down for
a morning steamer, praying to
Jesus that the toilet seat won't,
you know, bite you on the bum.
LAUGHTER
Dogs bite.
Toilet seats shouldn't.
Do dykes bite, fatty?
Button it, Priest!
I tell you what, Priest,
shall I just get it all out the way
now, yeah?
Yeah, go on, then.
I'm not cool.
I'm not skinny.
And you don't want to jizz on me.
LAUGHTER
Do you want to add anything else?
Eh Yeah.
You've got blancmange tits.
Can we stop this semen
and breast talk, please?
LAUGHTER
Next up, I want to know who the hell
came up with the idea that
pupils aren't allowed in
during break times.
We're out there like soggy rats
getting trenchfoot,
while the teachers, yeah,
they're living it up like it's
Club Tropicana in the staffroom.
So the empty maths hut
round the back -
let's change it into a common room.
If we don't like something,
let's change it.
This is our school and our lives,
and we choose what we do with it.
For too long the school has voted
in popular kids because, well
..we've always done it, but
..being real, sometimes popular
people are two-faced.
They only bother being nice
when they want something,
when the truth is
they don't care about us.
They think they can use us,
but I say not today.
Not ever.
Look, I'm not going to wang on.
You can do what you've always done,
or you can vote for change, AKA me.
Right, lads, vote with your heads,
not your dicks.
Oh, all right now, that's enough
LAUGHTER
Peace out.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Well, how did it go?
It was all right.
Do you think you got it?
I don't know. I have to wait till
tomorrow. Are you happy?/
Yes. Are you happy?
Yes, I'm happy. I bet you were
brilliant. font color
I bet you blew their socks off.
Right, I've got to go, though.
OK. Keep me in the loop!
Yeah, I'm going to go now.
All right Right, I'll speak to
you later. font co
Love you too. Love you more.
Bye! Bye-bye.
I know. She is such a bitch.
In your own time!
Why are we at a scabby house?
Yeah, don't freak out, right, but
..Tony Chippy lives here.
What you doing? What the fuck?
Yeah, well, he's not going to
get away with it. No, Beth,/f
just leave it. It doesn't matter.
It does matter, Lydia.
I swear Seriously, no-one hurts
you and gets away with it.
Just leave it!
I swe I'm leaving, then.
You're not. No I'm leaving.
Wait Trav, I don't want to.
No, you're not doing it./fo
You don't have to. No
It doesn't change anything.
It does change everything.
Beth, stop it!
No, I don't want to
What?
Are you Tony Chippy's wife?
Who wants to know?
Me. Obviously.
I might be, yeah. And what?
Well, you need to know something.
Spit it out.
I've got three minutes before this
starts burning into all of my scalp.
He cheated on you.
What'd you say?
Yeah. My friend, she's 16,
half his age.
You've got some big fucking clit,
turning up on my doorstep.
Yeah, well, it's true, so.
Tony Chippy!
What?
Get here now!
Well, come on, then, mouth.
Thinks you're brave?
Say it to his face.
What's all this?
You should be ashamed of yourself!
What they doing here?
I don't know, do I? Stupid
fucking kids.
Well, if we're kids then
why d'you have sex with her? Huh?
Yeah, Tony.
Chips, you best looks me
in the eye right now and tell me
they're lying, or I'm going to
fucking nut you.
Shandy, man,
they're just little fucking shits!
Oh, you're a liar! You best run now,
before I belt you,/fon
all three of you little fuckers!
Yeah, go on, threaten us
all you want, but you had sex
with a 16-year-old
who was too drunk to consent.
What's she on about?
Do you know what, Tony?
I wouldn't piss on you
if you were on fire.
Fucking trollop!
Fucking ignore 'em, Shan,
they're little fucking slags
t
That's fucking rich!
Shandy, check his car!
My knickers are in there somewhere.
You little rotten, horrible bastard!
Oh, my God! Run!
YELLING
No hanky-panky, one vote only.
You going to vote for me?
That'd be telling, wouldn't it?
Come on, at least tell us
who's winning.
All right, put it this way,
it's tighter than a nun's clam.
Brilliant.
BETHAN CHUCKLES
Disgusting!
The ballot box has been emptied.
The votes have been counted.
And I gathered you all here today
because we think it's high time
that we announced the winners.
Now, without further ado,
your deputy head girl
Slight pause for suspense.
..is Poppy Cruickshank.
SHOCKED GASPS
That is shocking!
I'm shocked, man!
F-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U!
MUTED
APPLAUSE
Congratulations, Poppy.
She's gutted!
And now it gives me great pleasure
to reveal
Llanfair High School's
newly appointed head girl.
No, actually, no.
It's worth mentioning that this
is a huge responsibility.
But I think these shoulders
will carry with the diligent
Oh, come on!
It's Bethan Gwyndaf.
Wh-aa-aa-aa!
CHEERING
That's cool! I know, I know!
I can't believe it!
EXCITED CHATTER
Babe, congrats!
Such a big achievement for you.
How are you going to celebrate?
Going to go for a Kashmiri
with my mam.
Nice. Yeah.
Well, yeah, well done, you,
for getting deputy. Thanks./font
Actually worked out really well
because I'm so busy
with Duke of Edinburgh
and everything.
Two-faced was an interesting
comment, though.
Well done. Give me a hug.
Right. Catch you later.
Said it before and I'll say it
again,
she's a CUNT!
She'll have to You are head girl!
Head girl, bitch!/font
I'm head girl! Oh, my God!
You're very cool.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
It's amazing! font color="#
So you're literally
MUSIC: Don't Leave Me This Way
# Don't leave me this way
# I can't survive
I can't stay alive
# Without your love #
You all right, love?
She likes the limelight, don't she?
BETHAN CHUCKLES
She won't let any of the others
have a go.
Sorry. Nah, it's all right,
she's having fun.
Hm!
Oh, come here.
Eyelash.
Squash? Yeah.
Enjoy.
# So can't you see
it's burning out of control? #
# I think I'm going to need
some therapy
# Oh, babe
I hope you got a PhD #
Mum, sit down. Come on, love.
Mum, stop!
Oh! Come and dance with me!
Mum, I don't want to.
Stop it, Mum, stop it!
You're embarrassing yourself! Stop!
Sorry.
It'll be all right.
Yeah.
Thank you so much!
That was brilliant!
Thank you, that was great.
Thanks, Alfred.
MUSIC STOPS
Mam?
I got head girl today.
I know.
You are my best girl.
She's never going
to understand me, is she?
UPBEAT MUSIC
SHE SIGHS
# Having trouble telling how I feel
# But I can dance, dance, dance
# Couldn't possibly tell you
how I mean
# But I can dance, dance, dance
# So when I'm tripping my feet
# Look at the beat
The words are written in the sand
# When I'm shaking my hips
# Look for the swing
The words are written in the air
# Ooh, dance
# I was a dancer all along
# Dance, dance, dance
# Words could never make up
for what you do
# Dance, dance, dance #
MUSIC FADES
SHE EXHALES
Staff, these two are here
from the local comp,
volunteering for their
Duke of Edinburgh awards.
BETHAN PANTS