InSecurity (2011) s01e05 Episode Script

JoJo, do you have anything for headaches? Wow.
You are hung over.
No.
I'm not.
How can you tell? You smell like pina colada mix.
Oohf, is that what that is? Don't worry, I have just the thing.
It's a special chemical mixture designed to cure a hangover.
Taco Mart.
Just eat it.
Trust me.
It works.
Have you ever seen me hung over? No.
Well, I am, constantly.
Ooh.
Thanks.
And you will also need this.
What is this? Some super form of painkiller you've synthesized in a lab? No.
It's concealer.
You look like crap.
Oh.
So, that was, uh, fun last night.
Yeah, fun.
Mm.
Do you mind? No.
I just took a few myself.
Uh, just so you know, I don't make it a habit of getting drunk with my boss.
Not that you were drunk, or I was.
I know I was a little, but-- No.
No, you were fine.
And I don't normally either, but, I skipped lunch yesterday.
You know how it goes.
Totally.
Yeah.
So did we make out? No.
Sleep together? No! O-kay.
So I definitely didn't leave the Jericho file at your place? You lost the Jericho file? Possibly.
Maybe.
Likely.
That's all our undercover NISA agents! If someone gets their hands on that, those agents are as good as dead.
I know! I forgot it was in my briefcase and now don't know where it is, so it's probably with whoever I went home with.
You sure it wasn't you? Yes, I'm sure! Do you remember anything about this woman? Well, chances are she's hot, satisfied.
that swept through her room last night.
Peter, this is serious.
I know.
What are you gonna do to get this file back? Me? Well, you ordered the tequila shots.
Only because you bought the first four rounds.
It seemed like the polite thing to do.
Either way, you've gotta find my briefcase and fast.
If the Minister gets wind of this, I'll be fired.
Also, it'll be a dangerous breach of national security.
Good point.
He'll probably fire you too.
Well now the sun ain't shinin' no more I don't know why but I've seen it before Ain't got no joy No man to lean on He leaves my soul on the floor like a doll Yeah, yeah, yeah! Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo Okay, everybody stop the important work you're doing.
New assignment.
It appears someone has misplaced top secret NISA files.
Whoa, you look rough.
I'm fine.
We just need to find the files.
We think they were taken by a woman someone picked up at a bar.
What kind of woman? Tallish, easy, probably not too bright.
Who lost these documents? I can't say, but they're very irresponsible.
Is it a Cabinet Minister? I can't say.
PM's Office? I really can't comment.
Peter? Peter.
No, no, no, no, definitely not.
You're really terrible at this.
Terrible at what? JoJo and I will get the security footage at the Palomino Club.
How do you know that's the bar I'm talking about? That's where Peter takes all his ladies.
He does? Mm-hmm.
N'udu, Burt, you go and check Embassy Cabs.
It's the car service Peter always uses.
Okay, let's go.
I never officially said it was Peter.
Okay, it was Peter.
I can't believe Peter lost another file.
I know.
The man should be more responsible.
Every time he goes drinking, he loses something: keys, files, laptop, my flame thrower.
Did anyone ever find that? No.
And it was a gift from my Mother.
Aw.
Let us know when you see your girl.
This is time stamped at 8:47 p.
m.
, the precise moment that Peter starts his prowl.
That's not her.
Oh, it might be her.
Nope, not her.
I don't understand.
Shoes.
There is a man out there walking around with no shoes? You North Americans are so forgetful.
What's that? I can't-- Remove those.
Somewhere there is a DJ unable to spin his tunes.
Fine.
I think I got something.
Wow.
National Defence, Fisheries, Ministry of Health.
I knew the flu shot was BS.
Is there nothing from NISA? Aah, here we go.
Jackpot.
And they fit.
Ah, I'm just taking a breather.
I'll get up soon.
Whoa, what is that? Any minute now, I'm back in the game.
Is that you? Come on, Petey, time to get up.
You're embarrassing me.
I'm zooming in.
I don't think that's me.
You're still wearing the same top.
Is that a different guy? Hooo, ho, ho! That is awesome.
You and I are goin' out more often.
Let's just focus on where you left the briefcase.
Aaaah-- You left with the Jericho file.
I did.
Well, that is a load off.
But, uh, don't worry, we're on it.
We got your back, right, guys? Wow.
You had some serious beer goggles on.
What's JoJo talking about? Most of these guys are cute ish.
So, how's it going? Any luck remembering? Nope.
I can just see the headline now: "Drunk rookie leaves file somewhere.
" Hopefully they come up with a better headline than that.
And, uh, look, Alex, I'm not going to let you get fired.
You're the best boss I ever had.
Really? Thanks, Claude.
You let me go at 3 on Fridays, sign off on my expense claims without asking questions.
You leave at 3 on Fridays? I've broken you in just the way I like.
I don't have the energy to break a new boss in.
Thanks.
So, let's get these files.
But first, could you sign this, please? The accountants keep rejecting it.
Fine.
You're expensing ski boots? Spy convention in Whistler.
I don't remember that.
Just sign it, come on.
Now, relax, close your eyes and think.
You're in a bar, there's music, you're drinking.
A man buys you a drink, then another man, then another.
Man after man, after man, after man.
I get it! Oh, no.
There might be one thing.
What? We might need access to dental records.
It's right there, lower back.
That is not your lower back.
It's my lower-lower back.
It's your butt.
I heard we had a break in the case.
Whoa! Hello.
Need a hand? I think we're good.
I'm just here to help, mm, get that file back, whatever it takes.
Whatever you have to endure, I'm here to watch you endure it.
Could this be any more humiliating? Hey, hey.
Oh.
Wow.
There's your answer.
Everyone, avert your eyes from Alex's shockingly pale-- On it.
I told you to leave those.
Did you find anything? What we found should have stayed lost.
What? Did you get the file or not? Ignore him.
We found nothing.
Almost done back there, JoJo? Wow.
Someone still has their wisdom teeth.
And an overbite from what I can see.
Hm.
Match found.
Colin Thurgoode of Rockcliffe Park.
Who? We follow the teeth, we find What was his name, again? Colin.
Colin.
So you're Colin.
I mean, obviously.
It's really great to see you again.
Yeah, you too.
And just to review, you think we got here at 11:30? Yeah.
You remember the neighbours called to complain about the noise when the couch flipped over? And the pineapples you were juggling went everywhere.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to get you a spoon.
I'll get one.
No, you sit.
You're my guest.
So, the chair, is that new? Oh, yeah.
I had the red one the other night, but I had to take it in for repairs.
Frame got bent.
So hot.
You know, JoJo, maybe you could help the others check the rest of the apartment? Thank you.
I did not know how to ask.
Thanks again for letting us search your place.
No worries.
I just hope you find those papers.
We will pay for all damages, of course.
Hey, very nice chair.
Great lumbar support.
Oh, and it reclines.
Remember, Alex? So hot.
How we doing guys? Anything? This vase is clear.
Wait.
I didn't have my sunglasses on.
Let me do that for you again.
No.
Look for the files.
Okay.
Bear-Bear? Oh, terribly sorry.
Here's Bear-Bear.
Go ahead.
A man killed Bear-Bear.
Oh, no.
You love Bear-Bear.
Again, we will pay for all damages.
Here.
Thank you.
I don't do hugs.
So, which one of you is my dad's new girlfriend? You're prettier.
Alex, you want to step in, here? This could end in tears.
Um I'm Alex, your dad's new-- well, not girlfriend, just a one-night friend.
Alex is looking for some very important papers.
The ones with red and N-I-S-A written on them? You've seen them? Where are they, honey? At school.
What? Ms.
Perkins makes us bring in paper to teach us to recycle.
We're green.
Oh, no, um, I don't have any of the paper.
The children transform it all into crafts.
Collages, masks, whatever they dream up.
So everything they bring in is now in this stuff? It's not stuff, it's art.
This is art? Yes.
You see, it's a sweet little ducky.
Here's his beak and here's his-- Got it.
There's been a mistake and-- Oh.
See you all tomorrow.
We need to get Genie's paper back.
Oh, dear.
Um, Genie's paper's already gone into the Blue Box.
Great.
So I'll just take the box.
Uh, no.
You see, the children take the paper from the box and bring it to the scissor and paste station, and-- Just tell me where the paper is.
Well, it's all been transformed into birds.
You see, like a blue jay or maybe a robin or-- Where are the birdies? Now? We finished the unit, so the children are taking them home.
You mean right now? Yeah.
Good luck.
Grab every bird or lump of bird you can.
That's one! Hey, do you want to trade chocolate bar for your bird? Sure.
Nice.
Hey, look what I got! Thank you.
Uh-oh.
Tell ya what, kid.
You give me your pigeon and I'll give you this coupon.
Free macaroni salad at Taco Mart.
Gimme your sunglasses.
Sorry, but that's a deal-- Hey, hey! Hey! Chocolates! Chocolates for your bird.
Des chocolate pour votre oiseau.
Chocolate for your bird! Let's go! Ah, sacrifice! Simon says, touch your toes.
Simon says, put your birds in the bag.
I like you.
Simon says, don't touch me.
You're both parents.
Surely, you're too young.
Aw, how cute.
You look cool.
Colin seems like a nice guy.
Pretty impressive with that chair.
I don't judge.
He's a regular person in my eyes.
No, no, no, no, his office chair.
I want one.
It's so-- Please don't say hot.
Comfortable.
What have we got? None of these projects has any material from the Jericho file.
So nothing? There is one kid whose work is pretty disturbing.
We should probably put him on the watch list.
Wait, zoom in on that.
That's the watermark for the Indian Embassy.
And over here is Slovenia's.
And that's a memo from the Australian consulate.
The school's in Rockcliffe Park.
Those kids' parents all work at embassies.
So is Ms.
Perkins environmentally friendly or getting the kids to collect intel from their parents? Check this out.
I ran her through the database and found this: pictures of Ms.
Perkins with Sven Fluusterson.
He works for an Oslo splinter group.
We checked her bank statements.
She's making twice what a teacher should.
If the Jericho File falls into Norwegian hands-- It'll be a disaster.
Norway's prime minister, NISA agent.
Oh.
We've gotta find out if Ms.
Perkins is a spy.
And I think I know how.
Genie, we need you to wear a wire.
So tell us about Ms.
Perkins.
She teaches art.
She always smiles.
And when you bring in good paper, she puts a puppy sticker next to your name.
I've got five, but Melissa P.
has eight.
I want eight.
What does she do with the good paper? I don't know.
I just really want more puppy stickers.
I can get you all the puppy stickers you want if you wear this.
You're nice.
Do you go out with a lot of guys too? No.
Just for the record, I don't either.
Not that you remember.
Okay, Genie, we will be able to hear everything that you and Ms.
Perkins say.
Okay.
Test, test.
Can you hear me? I can hear you, JoJo.
You're in my head.
Maybe you can do the talking.
Okay, Genie, time to earn those puppy stickers.
Okay, Genie's inside.
Burt, N'udu, are you in position? Ready.
Oh, I'm ready to mop the floor with Perkins.
Burt, no sunglasses.
Fine.
Stickers, stickers, stickers, stickers.
Honey, it's lunchtime.
Why aren't you in the cafeteria? Stickers, stickers.
What's that, Honey? Genie, sweetie, just calm down and show Ms.
Perkins the papers.
These are worth four puppy stickers! Told ya.
She's gonna blow it.
Not helpful, JoJo.
Another great thing about Brandon Academy is that everyone gets their own locker.
Here's yours: 181.
Just put your books in there and make it your home.
Look at you.
No need to be scared.
It's only a locker.
Let me show you the basement.
A teacher was murdered there.
Are you okay? Mm.
Genie, just relax and follow the plan.
Burt, are you ready? This might be going south.
Copy that.
Excuse me.
Oh, si, yessa, senora.
There's a clog in the girls washroom.
Can you take a look? Oui, si, bueno senorita.
Mucho gusta nada.
Dammit! Mm, these are good, Genie, really good.
Thanks.
Can I have my stickers? Where did you get these? Uh uh Tell her your Aunt Alex left them at your house.
Alex left them.
Who? Aunt Alex.
But she's a girl.
They're good.
They're not fake.
Can I have my stickers now? Who said they were fake? Can I just have my puppy stickers? Talk to her.
She likes you.
I don't like her.
You don't like me? Oh, of course I do.
Ssshh, I'm not talking to you.
Genie, the mission is compromised! Run to the bathroom! I'm compromised! I have to go to the bathroom! I can't do it! She knows.
She'll fail me.
I can't fail grade two! It's not really that bad.
Hey, no, no, no, no, no! I signed that out.
Aaaaggh.
MS.
PERKINS: Genie.
Genie? Genie, come out.
I'll give you a sticker.
Scuze, madam.
Je clog in le toilet-a.
A gushy, gushy.
What the hell is going on? Is it safe? We've got a runner.
I'll check the classroom.
N'udu, you try to intercept.
Little help, anybody? Anybody? Empty! Not quite.
Looking for this? Put the gun down.
This is my classroom and I make up the rules.
Yeah, well, this is my country and I defend it.
Sorry, that was really lame, but you seem like the earnest type.
Yes, I earnestly await your demise.
Wow.
That was even worse.
It's time for lights out.
Head on the desk.
Hah! Ow! Let's use our indoor voice.
Hah! Hah! Ow! Class dismissed! Oh, I am so embarrassed that I just said that.
Not only did we get the Jericho file back, but we also busted a top Oslo-ite informant/second grade art teacher.
Excellent work.
Guess it was good I lost those files.
You wouldn't have lost them if I hadn't passed out.
It was, uh, teamwork.
So, this Colin guy, was he, uh, fully functioning? Goodnight.
Hello.
Sorry it took us so long to get you out of those lockers.
Not a problem.
I ate someone's lunch and read a book on the history of Upper Canada.
Maybe I could tell you about it over a drink? No.
Thank you.
I think I'm done drinking for a while.
Goodnight.
Hey, uh, great work today.
Thanks.
You too.
You wanna grab a crantini? No.
A pitcher of crantinis? No thanks, Burt.
Alex, are you up for a drink? I don't know who you are.
Bill from accounting said that wouldn't be a problem.
Goodnight.
Hi, Alex.
No, I will not go for a drink with you! You could at least wait until I ask.
Sorry.
So you got your chair? Ah, yup.
Goodnight, Claude.
Hey.
No.