Jean-Claude Van Damme: Behind Closed Doors (2011) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
(Chanting) Jean Claude! Jean Claude! Jean Claude Van Damme Yah! Martial arts legend Nice kick, huh? Action hero His movies have grossed over $700 million in a career spanning over 25 years.
But now it's time to discover the real man behind the macho image I've got nothing to hide any more.
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as he allows cameras total access into his extraordinary world.
Argh! (Laughter) This is an intimate portrait Love you, baby.
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of an international movie star as you have never seen him before.
I don't see Sly or Seagal doing that.
We're up close and personal as he bares his soul.
The world is going bad.
Everything is dying around us.
I believe the end is soon.
And gives us an unprecedented look into the mind of a movie legend.
I pray to save the world.
See? God loves me.
I'll talk to you later! Coming up It's Christmas - Van Damme-style.
Merry Christmas! - That's my daughter.
- Papa.
Action! A movie stunt goes horribly wrong.
- Medic, please.
Medic.
- What the! Is it broken? Jean Claude meets his daughter's boyfriend for the first time.
He'll be shitting his pants.
Yeah, I'm sort of prepared.
You're not sleeping in the same room? And shows him Aaargh! .
.
who's the daddy.
You keep hitting the same spot.
? We wish you a merry Christmas and a (Bleep) workout Action star Jean Claude Van Damme has arrived at Baton Rouge, Louisiana, to finish off his latest movie, Dragon Eyes.
And another trailer.
Firstly, he needs a haircut for his role as a prisoner in the film.
It's perfect.
T urn your face this way.
Next, a visit from the make-up department, before joining director John Hyams on set.
Is there a way in which Cung can come into it a little more with a better strategy? The men block out a scene where Jean Claude grapples with another prisoner, played by Cung Le.
You'll be downand then like this.
Bang.
- Let's see.
You wanna try that? - Yeah, yeah.
- I step in.
- One, two And choke.
Step back.
- And then like this.
- You got it.
- Make me look good.
- (Laughter) Ready, andaction! Cut.
In the film Cung Le's character will eventually become a student of his fellow inmate and martial arts master, played by Jean Claude.
JC's about to teach me some kicks, some body conditioning, and it's gonna be fun.
Bam! Yeah.
Don't make too much noise.
Bad! That's a wrap on JC, everybody.
- Yeah! - (Cheering) Amazing.
It was great.
It's always great to have JC around.
With the interior shots over, there's just one more prison yard scene before Jean Claude can join his family for Christmas.
- Thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
- Goodbye.
He should be happy, but there 's something on his mind.
I'm going to meet my daughter and she never introduced me to her boyfriend.
This is the first time.
You see what I'm doing to you - bam! - I'll do the same to the boyfriend, maybe, if I don't like him.
OK? Say hello to Bianca.
Bianca.
Eddie, if you don't treat her nice I'm gonna come for your ass.
- You know what I'm saying? - OK.
Good.
Jean Claude will be meeting with his family in Canada for Christmas.
They have an apartment in Vancouver, where daughter Bianca is giving her new boyfriend Eddie a compulsory haircut.
(Winces) - I'm sorry.
- Why do you have to start above my eyebrows? - It hurts.
- No, trust me, see.
She hates mein the heart.
That's why I'm with him, to make his life miserable.
Oh.
Bianca is pulling out all the stops to make sure Eddie looks his best.
When I first met him he didn't have scruff It was love at first sight for her.
His hair was short.
He was ugly.
And now he's beautiful.
But, yeah, I'm happy with my hair.
Are we done? I think so.
- Good? - I think it has character.
Awesome.
1 300 miles south in LA, Jean Claude's wife Gladys This is heavy.
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son Kris Game Boy game.
Game Boy.
Watch.
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and his girlfriend Elari, are packing.
Perfect.
The main talking is; what will Dad make of Eddie? It's gonna be fun.
We'll spend the holidays up there.
You know, with Mom, Dad, sister.
Sister's boyfriend's gonna meet Dad.
And get one of these and one of those.
He didn't know who Dad was.
She doesn't like nobody knowing who her dad is until three or four months into the relationship.
He'll be shitting his pants.
He's been shitting pellets ever since he met my sister.
Since he thought about being with her, he's been shitting pellets.
"Wait a second, if I'm together with this young lady, I'm going to have to meet this young lady's father.
Oh, my God!" From his Louisiana hotel Jean Claude's Skype-calls Gladys.
We're going to call now MrsVan Damme.
- Wham! - (Ringing tone) ÃÂa va? - How you doing? - Good.
I'm packing, sugar.
My son told me when they talked together, you know, Bianca and Kristopher - Yeah, they talked.
- They're sharing secrets.
He believes she's very, very madly in love.
Bianca's very cautious.
She takes her time, she doesn't like to rush into things.
You know, she's very frugal.
On your first love, on your first one or two or three relationships, you are not right away married.
Do you think they're gonna marry right away those two? It's too early.
They're 20 and 21 years old.
I don't know about this stuff and I'm always scared.
- I'm dying to be with you.
- I know.
Let me tell you something.
I'm so ecstatic with everybody being there.
I am so happy.
And looking forward to you playing the video games and watching your movie nights.
I'm looking also to play Monopoly.
- OK.
- OK.
I love you.
Goodbye, have a good dinner.
OK, bye-bye.
Bye.
This is Bianca's.
She doesn't need this, does she? Oh, Bianca.
But first things first - packing the luggage.
And one of the most important cases of all - the doggie bag.
So when they're on the road, you know, they can go out, pee-pee.
And potty and eat.
One thing I'm good at is packing.
I'm sure we don't need half of this stuff.
It's gonna be much fun.
I love road trips.
Bored with packing, Kris decides to liven things up.
Hey! Go pick that up now.
OK, I'm gonna pick it up.
Aaargh! Oh, my ass.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
No matter how old you're gonna get a mother is always there.
Finally, it's time to set off.
And with so much luggage they're taking two cars on the long drive north.
We're gonna leave after seven, for sure.
To avoid traffic.
We have to stop during the night.
I have no intention of risking my life.
I agree with you.
I agree with you.
Don't worry, relax.
We're gonna stop halfway.
Take a rest.
Everybody chills.
And the next morning we go, OK? We'll find a good place to stop.
We're good to go.
We're good to rock and roll.
Here we go.
Gladys is keen to do the drive as fast as possible so they can get there in time to spend Christmas with Jean Claude.
Our total drive is 21 hours and 35 minutes.
So I think we're good.
We're gonna make it.
How are you holding up? You OK? But driving in convoy has its problems, especially when an impatient Mom is directing your every move on her cellphone.
T ry to go in your middle lane, please.
This is better.
I've got to get in behind you soon.
I mean, don't tell me how to drive.
I don't like it when people call me to tell me how to drive when they're driving behind me.
Drive in front of me, then.
Leave me alone.
Kristopher, 60, 60.
We have traffic behind us.
Your 60 is 70.
Come on! I'll go to 70.
It's no problem.
I have no problem obeying the rules.
Kris, move it, because people are trailing behind you.
Oh, you're playing with fire now.
You don't hang up on me.
When I'm right, you don't hang up on me.
You're making me nervous.
It's very stressful and very annoying.
Back in Louisiana, Jean Claude is in the hotel gym.
He wants to get fit enough to make a comeback in the kick-boxing ring and take on a former Olympic gold medallist.
I want to go back in shape a thousand per cent.
A thousand per cent, not a hundred.
A thousand per cent.
Because of my age I'm going to have to train harder.
(Bones crack) You see all that cracking? That's when I'm scared.
Cos I have a tendency to forget .
.
to forget my age.
And I believe in my head, I feel like I'm like, I don't knowI never grew (Groans) I've got no power.
A complete disaster.
(Exhales) I didn't do this for a long time.
So, you know when you do weights, it's kind of funny, because you see some result.
You're pumping.
You look good on camera "Hey, The Muscles from Brussels.
" It's bullshit.
Old injuries to his hip have left Jean Claude unable to do some of his trademark power kicks.
Here's the fracture.
And here's the other fracture.
Cos all my life I did that kick and then I came on the inside, so that movement here, that's when Sch-crack! Here.
So basically now, this - bye-bye.
This one like "Whoom!" This step (Makes explosion sound) Hup, hup, hup, hup (Makes explosion sound) But we'll get it.
Because God isGod is with me.
On the road, the family are rushing to make it to Vancouver on time to join Jean Claude for Christmas.
The heavy rain has already slowed progress and now there 's another problem.
We're on the San Francisco Bridge, folks.
The heart of San Francisco is 50 miles off course, meaning further delay.
Elari, in particular, isn 't happy.
They told you, it's like ten hours in the car.
I just want to be in my own world.
- And you're just nervous, nervous, nervous.
- I'm not nervous.
Then don't talk to me.
This time the delay is nothing to do with Kris.
Gladys has made a mistake with the sat nav.
- San Francisco? - The weather is bad, Bianca, but it's moving.
- We're in San Francisco.
- You can't stop in San Francisco.
Yep.
I would have been in Utah by now.
(Scoffs) Hello.
You don't drive fast.
We're going by speed limit and it's a lot of rain.
Yeah, with my speed limit I would have been in Utah.
- Here's the thing.
- Yeah? What we should have done is what I said.
- What did you say? - Here's Vancouver, here's Los Angeles.
- Here's San Francisco.
- Right.
Instead of going this way, we did this.
Now we have to loop around and go back up again.
We're not that far out.
We're close to it.
We're 30 minutes close to it, Ma.
So now we've wasted 30 minutes.
My girlfriend is attacking me for nothing, OK? She's not pregnant.
She has no right to do that.
The thing is this; we have to go north.
With more than two-thirds of the trip still to go everyone is feeling the strain.
So they decide to call it a day and hope for better progress tomorrow.
Gonna wake up at 7am.
Maybe we'll stop on the road here, have a little breakfast and then head on out.
Good night.
Jean Claude is in Louisiana where he must finish his final scenes on the movie Dragon Eyes.
It could be a stressful day, so it's just as well assistant Cathy is on hand.
- Where are my socks, Cathy? - What did you do with them? - You wanna wear yesterday's socks? - Cathy, where's my socks? Nine years, ten, eleven.
How many years together? - 1 2.
- 1 2 years.
- Do they smell, Cathy? - No, not at all.
(Laughter) I thought this was a phone.
Look, Cathy, like an idiot.
- Your shaver? - Yeah.
We need to make a hard copy of all your phone numbers, like I have of mine.
I lost the phone of the executive assistant of Mr Putin.
That's great.
I go to Russia, I cannot call him any more.
But then if I had the phone number it wouldn't be a problem.
- What did you put on your neck? - What did I what? That tattoo there.
What it means? It means "gift from God".
- You're a gift from God? - I believe so.
I think so too.
I mean, God gave you to me.
God gave you, gift from God.
God gave you to me.
- A gift from God.
- To me.
You have to put gift from God and below put Van Damme.
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to anyone's life I enter.
- Give him some good tips.
Bye-bye.
- Bye.
Even on the way to the set Cathy can't relax as Jean Claude wants to locate a looser pair of trousers.
It's tight.
The pants are so tight.
I wanna take them off.
- I should have taken training pants.
- It's right here.
- Can you do it? - I think so.
Luckily, she's feeling energetic.
Look at that ass.
Look at that.
It's tight, man.
I don't get it.
Women they have those tight jeans.
They put tight jeans on.
It's like allit's like Very light.
You know, with time, it's like Lift.
(Laughs) Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
(Laughs) - Oh, it's kids' stuff.
- Exactly.
In the trailer his first appointment is with the film producer Moshe Diamant.
So Moshe saw me when I came in very early in Los Angeles, like 20-something years ago.
- 25 years.
- 25 years ago.
(Exhales) And then he saw the good and the bad.
But he was always there for me.
Every time I needed help.
In the '80s and '90s, Moshe's movies helped turn Jean Claude into one of the world's biggest stars.
Timecop did 50 million domestic.
- You also did Maximum Risk.
- After.
Timecop did 50 million domestically, I think.
By today's numbers, almost 200 million dollars.
For you to understand how big of a star he was.
- That's a real friend.
- Off screen, no? That's a real friend.
In Jean Claude's final scene his character will step in to protect Cung Le from a prison-yard brawl.
But first Jean Claude has to rehearse the fight scene with a stunt co-ordinator.
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at the same time spits blood.
Pops his nose.
He was facing pain, then there's the leg right there.
Wham! OK.
Let's go very slow.
Slow, slow, slow.
Very slow.
Bam.
Like that.
Like this in the front.
- Like this.
And bam! - That's it.
This is awesome to be rescued by Van Damme.
Yee-haw! - Bam, and then "Kah!" - Yeah.
The rehearsal was with a stuntman, but the real scene is being played with actor Johnny.
- This is your guy.
- Of course.
I'm sorry.
I thought I was fighting you.
- We were just walking it with him.
- (Laughter) How do you feel comfortable doing it for yourself? Can you be relaxed about it, just like that? You stomp the guy.
Give me one punch and then get up and stomp.
And then I go on the chest like bam.
Like this? - It's not so hard, yeah? - No, no.
He's hands-on with everything.
He wants to have his fingers in the cookie jar with pretty much all aspects of the production.
Which is good.
His involvement is part of the success.
You like to move Jean Claude has shot hundreds of scenes like this, but this one is about to go badly wrong.
Then you stay there and then I can go with this kick, and go like "bam" like that, with kick.
- Yeah.
- So, it's like bam, bam.
Fantastic.
Here we go.
And - Roll it.
- Rolling I don't know if it's my worst nightmare or my number one wish.
I'm a big fan of his.
Action! Now's the moment where Jean Claude has to step into the scene.
With the action so frantic, everything has to be inch-perfect.
- Get him! - Hit him! (Shouting) But there 's a problem.
The extra hasn 't raised his head far enough, meaning he 's been kicked in the face for real.
Cut! You OK? - Get the medic on the set.
- Medic, please.
Medic.
Sorry.
Nah.
He got my teeth and my nose.
Yeah.
Injuring Johnny leaves Jean Claude feeling terrible.
(Low conversation) I went in and You know, to go for the chest and he goes down.
Hey, this stuff happens in the movies.
- What the! - Let me get the blood out.
I'm sorry.
He's gonna have something to talk about with his grandkids for a long time.
We got covered.
We don't even need fake blood.
- Is it broken? - I don't think so.
It's straight.
Luckily, nothing was broken, except for a couple offront teeth.
It was actually both of my front ones, see? Director John is looking on the positive side.
It happens all the time.
We've had a lot of contact so far.
Sothis is par for the course on this one, unfortunately.
ButIooks good.
And even Johnny has managed to put a brave face on it.
My nose ain't broke.
That would be the third time it's been broke.
I just said to him Yeah, he knows I'm sorry, right.
- I'm so sorry.
- That's all right, that's all right.
- I've had worse things - I'm so sorry.
I'm very sorry.
That's all right.
- We have that shot? - Yeah, we definitely have it.
OK, one, two, three.
The best picture you ever had, buddy.
I can't say it was nice, but it all worked out for the better.
I'm returning two cards.
Thank you.
In California, Gladys, Kris and Elari are starting the second day of their epic drive north to Vancouver.
Everybody feels good now that we've slept.
It was a good idea.
I didn't sleep the whole night.
Oh, stop whining.
Come on.
They're hoping to make up for some long delays Let's do it.
.
.
and get to Vancouver in time to join Jean Claude for Christmas.
We're gonna make this.
We are gonna make this together.
Nothing's gonna stop us now.
Nothing is gonna stop us now.
Butjust when things seem to be going well, one of Kris'brake warning lights starts to flash.
It's saying brake lampwatch out.
I read my manual.
It means that the brake bulb is out.
- I'm pushing here, and I don't know if - It works back there.
- It's a malfunction on the screen.
- It's the accident risk.
Because I don't know If I'm on the street and my ABS goes off, it's - ABS is your? - Automatic braking system.
- Yeah.
- OK.
But it's going off on paved roads.
That means there's a malfunction in the computer.
- Can we go? - Yeah.
I'm confident about the car.
I know my car inside and out.
It's just thatit's just that er I want to make sure we don't have any more problems.
Kris carries on and hopes for the best.
But after a few hours there are more warning lights.
- (Beeping) - The fault seems to be getting worse.
By now his brakes are beginning to lock on and off.
With the road still wet Kris' journey is becoming a nightmare.
(Beeping continues) Kris.
I'm calling the service department.
I can't drive it.
You brake, it goes.
You go, it brakes.
And then if you want to switch it on, and you want to actually go, it doesn't.
So now he doesn't want to drive it any more.
I'mI'm dead.
I can't drive it.
I'm not going to make an accident.
GLADYS: I don't know about I don't wanna hear it.
I'm not making an accident.
Please send somebody to tow.
This is the only solution from what you're telling me.
You cannot have it towed.
We cannot cross the border with a tow.
But the thing is, I don't know where I'm gonna stay or what I'm gonna do.
Or how this is gonna happen.
I'm really confused and I'm starting to panic.
- I'm sorry.
I don't wanna risk our lives.
- I completely agree with you.
We'll get there and Christmas is gonna be perfectly fine.
- Yeah.
- Dinner.
We'll cook a big pasta.
Yeah, yeah, don't worry.
I want to go to sleep.
I'm so tired.
A dealership a day keeps the doctor away.
With the car broken down, the chances of all three making it to Vancouver in time for Christmas are now in jeopardy.
Kris is about to find out if his car is fit to drive, so everyone can get to Vancouver in time to join Jean Claude for Christmas.
Going back to Mercedes and finally they can give us the truck back.
And give usgive us the diagnosis.
They're so tired.
They don't know what's happening or what this trip is about.
They just know that they're with us.
Everything is fine.
The car is in good condition.
- Apparently I was on a locking system.
- How did you do that? They said I was crazy to drive.
I could have easily - poow! - OK, that's all good.
- Course it's good.
On the road again.
Snow just popped out of nowhere.
That's fantastic.
We saw all kinds of nature, from nice weather to rainy to storm to wind.
To everything.
Three solid hours of driving later and with no more mechanical problems, it looks like the end could be in sight.
Finally, we made it.
We truly made it.
Merry Christmas and happy New Year.
Oh, my God.
Yay, look at her.
We made it! Gracias.
Adios.
- Hey! - Bianca, he has to go pee-pee.
- Hi.
- Oh.
Oh, my God! - Another son.
- Another one.
Well, this is our home.
Welcome to our home! Hi.
- Aaah! - Bianca! We made it.
We're very, very very, very relieved.
Ha-ha! It's fantastic.
With Jean Claude's arrival imminent, Gladys must work fast to get the apartment looking just the way he wants it.
You guys, take all the luggage and put them in your rooms now.
- Before Daddy comes, so it's clear.
- What time is he coming? Now.
At eight he lands.
Seriously, Dad's coming.
- OK.
- Eddie and Bianca, - you know to put the shoes in order, right? - Yes.
Your room has towels all over.
Put them in for the wash now.
I'm gonna check everything.
Can we dim the lights for Dad? Make a little cleaning.
Yeah, but I don't have luggage.
Where I am supposed to stick - Turn off the light because of energy.
- Oh, I love Christmas.
My favourite holiday of the year.
Last-minute decorations.
Yay! I've never done a tree so quick in my life.
(Singing) I should go where the men are.
No, just because he's a man doesn't mean he doesn't have to do nothing.
- It's the future now.
You're doing something.
- You go, girl! Yeah.
Hang stuff.
Finally, the apartment is ready.
Everything is perfect.
Good.
I'm so happy.
Oh.
OK.
Now everyone is keen to see Jean Claude and even more eager to see how Eddie copes with his Meet The Parents moment.
Maybe he's a little nervous.
I honestly think just a little bit.
Yeah, I'm sort of prepared.
(Laughs) Hey, Eddie.
Can I talk to you? - All right, so - How do you feel about my father? Are you a little bit nervous? I mean, who's not nervous when they meet the father of the girl? - Sure.
I was the same.
- Yeah.
He's shitting his pants.
Of course.
I can't wait to see that.
That will be a classic moment.
When Jean Claude finally arrives his greetings follow a strict pecking order.
First, of course, are the dogs.
He has to say hi to the dogs first.
Look at his head.
Oh, I'm so happy to see him.
Ahh.
Home.
It's my turn.
Next, a long hug for wife Gladys, before moving on to the kids.
Come! You're getting bigger.
You grew! Hi, Elari.
How are you? - How are you feeling? - Good.
And you? FinallyEddie's turn.
- Hey, you.
- And a question any young man dreads.
- You're not sleeping in the same room? - I'll sleep with you.
- Good.
- (Laughter) Listen, we'll switch.
- Wife for me and me for wife.
We're good.
- Hey.
So, Eddie is unfazed, but Jean Claude has a plan to knock some respect into the young Romeo.
Tomorrow we do the first lesson in karate, which is the most important.
- To be able to take punch.
- OK.
- Raging Bull is going to attack.
- No Raging Bull.
Let's make a deal.
You give me my first real karate lesson and I'll give you your first salsa lesson.
But Jean Claude isn't in a deal-making mood and he demonstrates on Bianca.
- That's my daughter.
- Papa.
(Laughter) Boof! Doof! Oh, man, I was like a bundle of nerves exploding.
It was fine.
It was a good experience, you know.
Not many people get that opportunity so It was real nice.
Yeah, it was very cool.
Very cool.
He greeted me with open arms.
Jean Claude hasn't seen Bianca for weeks, so he's taking the opportunity for some real father-daughter bonding.
You amuse me.
Why are you doing this to me? Eeee! (Laughs) It's a new exercise for the double chin.
Oh, ho, ho.
Before Jean Claude settles in he's managed to have a private chat with Eddie about Bianca.
You were not there.
He said to me "Sir, I want to ask you something.
I'm in your house.
It's really disturbing me, but I mean, I'm old-fashioned.
Can l I will be sleeping with your daughter in her room.
Is that OK by you? " I wanted to say, "What about three months ago? Did you ask my permission? " Hm! So tomorrow - Tonight GLADYS: You're a pain in the ass.
Do this to me.
Hurh! Wargh! Aaaargh! - But he still asked, right? He's a good kid.
- I should throw in an elbow.
You're such an old-fashioned fart.
Nobody's going to be good for Bianca or Kristopher.
That's true.
We shall see.
- Before I shtup my wife - Oh, stop! .
.
I ask her father, "Sir, can I shtup your wife - your daughter? Oh, stop already.
That's a man.
Once he's calmed down, Jean Claude starts to get changed, because tonight the family have been invited to a Christmas Eve house party.
I'm telling you, if I want to tonight, I'm having a little drink.
- No, you don't drink, darling.
- Just a little drink, it's Christmas.
- No.
No.
- Come on, babe.
Jean Claude hasjust started a new healthy diet and before getting changed for the party he's checking out the result.
Which diet? I was born this way.
(lnhales) Aaarrh-waaaargh! Ohhh-waaaargh! Aaargh! The Christmas Eve bash is being held at the home of one of his friends, Robert, who knows how to throw a good party.
Merry Christmas! Gladys hasn 't made the party, and despite her strict instructions, Jean Claude has decided to celebrate Christmas with a drink or two.
Or three.
By now Jean Claude is in full-blown party mode and that can mean only one thing.
Karaoke.
? And so I face the final curtain ? But through it all ? When there was doubt ? I ate it up ? And spit it out ? I faced it all ? And I stood tall ? And did it my way (Music continues) Oh.
I could sleep.
Was it good for you guys too? It's Christmas morning in Vancouver.
And for Eddie it's guaranteed to be one he won't forget in a hurry.
This is a great way to start Christmas.
So happy.
The happiest time of the year picking up piss.
Time out.
Don't move.
Everyone has needed a lie-in, especially Jean Claude, who stayed at the party until the bitter end.
He's gonna have a hangover, for sure.
Oh Good morningno.
Office, close the door, don't talk to us.
Mama.
By midday everyone is gradually surfacing.
Puppy Nikita is still in the doghouse and there's no sign yet of Jean Claude.
Is Dad still sleeping? It's brunch.
We have to talk low, because he went to bed at six in the morning.
- How was he when he came in? - Fine.
He felt so sick.
- Yeah, of course.
- ldiot! Christmas Day is turning into Christmas evening, and at 5pm Gladys decides it's time to get her husband up.
- I slept all that time? - Yes.
- I can't believe it.
- Yes, you slept all that time.
- Papa, you're up.
- How are you? - How are you? - Good, good.
Hi, guys.
Who's training? I've been very, very bad.
Last night, for Christmas, we all drink.
I drink a little more than you.
- It's shit, man.
- No, don'tdon't, don't Don't go there.
But despite the hangover Jean Claude still intends to keep his promise to Eddie.
Christmas Day is the best day to train.
It's like, unusual.
And give him a Christmas Day to remember with a special Jean Claude workout.
It's gonna be fun, a good experience.
We'll see what it's like.
Hopefully he doesn't scream at me too much.
Wham-bam, please, madam.
OK, let's go.
In the gym, the plan is for Eddie to work out If you like Bianca .
.
while Jean Claude, Bianca and Kris take turns to beat him with a large stick.
- Yo, Bianca.
Want to give him some? - Yeah, I do.
Now, it's Bianca's turn to administer some tough love.
- Not too hard.
- All right.
- (Laughter) - Keep on training.
Not a joke.
Let's go.
- Keep on going.
- Two Next it's Kris' chance to give Eddie some stick.
- Come on, Eddie.
- (Strains) OK.
Out.
Butjust when Eddie thought the torture was over Aaaargh! .
.
it's time for the next ordeal.
You keep hitting the same spot.
I'll show you my stomach now.
? We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas ? We wish you a merry Christmas and a (Bleep) workout (Laughter) Definitely a Christmas to remember.
My stomach's gonna remember it.
I don't think I'll be able to eat tonight.
Eddie needn't worry.
While most people are stuffing themselves with food, festive fun for this family is a full-on workout.
- I'm gonna throw up.
- You want to puke? Bring a basket to puke, please.
We have space to work.
All of us on that bar.
Ready.
All down, relax.
Let's go.
Onethat's right.
You see my hands? .
.
five, six.
Go.
Up, up.
Bam! OK? Five, six Very good.
Ten.
OK, turn around.
Same shape.
1 4, 1 5.
Good.
OK.
Next one.
Like this But the session is not overfor Eddie.
Jean Claude has one more trial that he must face.
I think you're all perspiring.
Sit down for a second.
- Eddie, you stop with me.
- All right.
Surely this must be every boyfriend's worst nightmare.
- Just watch your knees, Eddie.
- But Eddie has come out fighting.
Just a little tap and then you flick.
Oh! His ankle got me in the head.
No, it was a light touch, it was a light touch.
I'll be lucky if I remember today.
Don't fall asleep for an hour.
Having slapped Eddie down to size, it's now Jean Claude's turn to get his comeuppance.
Aargh! (Laughter) Good? OK, OK.
Once everyone has recovered from the martial arts session, it's time for a more traditional Christmas activity - opening presents.
Oh, finally.
Most headsets my whole life, so small.
I put them on on a plane, they come down and six hours on the plane - five hours - like this.
- (Laughter) - Like this.
Like this! - "Are you OK, sir? " - Yeah, I'm OK.
They fall down.
I put them and "pop"! Aaaah! OK, this is for Kristopher from Jean Claude and Gladys.
Jean Claude doesn't want to admit it, but he put Gladys in charge of buying most of the ones he'll give.
- I remember that one.
- (Laughter) I know what it is.
You always make me look like I don't know what's going on.
Mama is calling me from the store saying if I agree on that gift.
It's Jean Claude's turn again, but what do you buy for the man who has everything? Sssh, ssh.
- Video spy pen.
- (Laughter) You can write with it.
It's an hour up to video and sound.
1 50 million people are gonna know I have a spy pen.
No, you know why? We're gonna change the look of them.
We're gonna paint it green and yellow, man.
Gladys didn't buy herself a present, so Jean Claude has an ingenious plan.
- Here, Mama.
- There's an arrow.
"Last, but not least, an in-progress of being cut .
.
a five-carat from" (Laughs) Will you please finish your line? It cost me enough money.
- It looks like a ring.
- It's earrings.
- Earrings? - Put it on your ears.
Five-carat earrings.
No, on each ten, if you want to add them together.
Well, he got away with that one.
- By the way, it was our best Christmas, no? - Yeah.
I like it, because the first time for many years I have my family back together, but more than that I've got boyfriend and girlfriend with my family, so it's like opening up the family, you know.
Finally, it's Eddie's turn.
Jean Claude has decided to make amends for putting him through the mill, with his all-time favourite JCVD DVDs.
That's the one that was well-received by the press.
You know, JCVD.
And that's the first one.
Open them.
You like Christmas? I need to see your face.
- Oh, you were serious! - Yeah.
- No, I really wanted it.
- You know this one? - I know this one.
- You saw it or didn't see it? I saw it.
I saw it before This is one of my favourite movies.
If you can sign this for me? - Yeah.
- Wow.
This is incredible.
Don't tell anyone.
It was a lovely Christmas.
It was very different.
I'm usually spending Christmas with my family, back home in Florida.
I'm just really glad I got to experience what other families do and JC did a very good job opening his arms, and opening his family to me.
⣠morlapin â£
But now it's time to discover the real man behind the macho image I've got nothing to hide any more.
.
.
as he allows cameras total access into his extraordinary world.
Argh! (Laughter) This is an intimate portrait Love you, baby.
.
.
of an international movie star as you have never seen him before.
I don't see Sly or Seagal doing that.
We're up close and personal as he bares his soul.
The world is going bad.
Everything is dying around us.
I believe the end is soon.
And gives us an unprecedented look into the mind of a movie legend.
I pray to save the world.
See? God loves me.
I'll talk to you later! Coming up It's Christmas - Van Damme-style.
Merry Christmas! - That's my daughter.
- Papa.
Action! A movie stunt goes horribly wrong.
- Medic, please.
Medic.
- What the! Is it broken? Jean Claude meets his daughter's boyfriend for the first time.
He'll be shitting his pants.
Yeah, I'm sort of prepared.
You're not sleeping in the same room? And shows him Aaargh! .
.
who's the daddy.
You keep hitting the same spot.
? We wish you a merry Christmas and a (Bleep) workout Action star Jean Claude Van Damme has arrived at Baton Rouge, Louisiana, to finish off his latest movie, Dragon Eyes.
And another trailer.
Firstly, he needs a haircut for his role as a prisoner in the film.
It's perfect.
T urn your face this way.
Next, a visit from the make-up department, before joining director John Hyams on set.
Is there a way in which Cung can come into it a little more with a better strategy? The men block out a scene where Jean Claude grapples with another prisoner, played by Cung Le.
You'll be downand then like this.
Bang.
- Let's see.
You wanna try that? - Yeah, yeah.
- I step in.
- One, two And choke.
Step back.
- And then like this.
- You got it.
- Make me look good.
- (Laughter) Ready, andaction! Cut.
In the film Cung Le's character will eventually become a student of his fellow inmate and martial arts master, played by Jean Claude.
JC's about to teach me some kicks, some body conditioning, and it's gonna be fun.
Bam! Yeah.
Don't make too much noise.
Bad! That's a wrap on JC, everybody.
- Yeah! - (Cheering) Amazing.
It was great.
It's always great to have JC around.
With the interior shots over, there's just one more prison yard scene before Jean Claude can join his family for Christmas.
- Thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
- Goodbye.
He should be happy, but there 's something on his mind.
I'm going to meet my daughter and she never introduced me to her boyfriend.
This is the first time.
You see what I'm doing to you - bam! - I'll do the same to the boyfriend, maybe, if I don't like him.
OK? Say hello to Bianca.
Bianca.
Eddie, if you don't treat her nice I'm gonna come for your ass.
- You know what I'm saying? - OK.
Good.
Jean Claude will be meeting with his family in Canada for Christmas.
They have an apartment in Vancouver, where daughter Bianca is giving her new boyfriend Eddie a compulsory haircut.
(Winces) - I'm sorry.
- Why do you have to start above my eyebrows? - It hurts.
- No, trust me, see.
She hates mein the heart.
That's why I'm with him, to make his life miserable.
Oh.
Bianca is pulling out all the stops to make sure Eddie looks his best.
When I first met him he didn't have scruff It was love at first sight for her.
His hair was short.
He was ugly.
And now he's beautiful.
But, yeah, I'm happy with my hair.
Are we done? I think so.
- Good? - I think it has character.
Awesome.
1 300 miles south in LA, Jean Claude's wife Gladys This is heavy.
.
.
son Kris Game Boy game.
Game Boy.
Watch.
.
.
and his girlfriend Elari, are packing.
Perfect.
The main talking is; what will Dad make of Eddie? It's gonna be fun.
We'll spend the holidays up there.
You know, with Mom, Dad, sister.
Sister's boyfriend's gonna meet Dad.
And get one of these and one of those.
He didn't know who Dad was.
She doesn't like nobody knowing who her dad is until three or four months into the relationship.
He'll be shitting his pants.
He's been shitting pellets ever since he met my sister.
Since he thought about being with her, he's been shitting pellets.
"Wait a second, if I'm together with this young lady, I'm going to have to meet this young lady's father.
Oh, my God!" From his Louisiana hotel Jean Claude's Skype-calls Gladys.
We're going to call now MrsVan Damme.
- Wham! - (Ringing tone) ÃÂa va? - How you doing? - Good.
I'm packing, sugar.
My son told me when they talked together, you know, Bianca and Kristopher - Yeah, they talked.
- They're sharing secrets.
He believes she's very, very madly in love.
Bianca's very cautious.
She takes her time, she doesn't like to rush into things.
You know, she's very frugal.
On your first love, on your first one or two or three relationships, you are not right away married.
Do you think they're gonna marry right away those two? It's too early.
They're 20 and 21 years old.
I don't know about this stuff and I'm always scared.
- I'm dying to be with you.
- I know.
Let me tell you something.
I'm so ecstatic with everybody being there.
I am so happy.
And looking forward to you playing the video games and watching your movie nights.
I'm looking also to play Monopoly.
- OK.
- OK.
I love you.
Goodbye, have a good dinner.
OK, bye-bye.
Bye.
This is Bianca's.
She doesn't need this, does she? Oh, Bianca.
But first things first - packing the luggage.
And one of the most important cases of all - the doggie bag.
So when they're on the road, you know, they can go out, pee-pee.
And potty and eat.
One thing I'm good at is packing.
I'm sure we don't need half of this stuff.
It's gonna be much fun.
I love road trips.
Bored with packing, Kris decides to liven things up.
Hey! Go pick that up now.
OK, I'm gonna pick it up.
Aaargh! Oh, my ass.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
No matter how old you're gonna get a mother is always there.
Finally, it's time to set off.
And with so much luggage they're taking two cars on the long drive north.
We're gonna leave after seven, for sure.
To avoid traffic.
We have to stop during the night.
I have no intention of risking my life.
I agree with you.
I agree with you.
Don't worry, relax.
We're gonna stop halfway.
Take a rest.
Everybody chills.
And the next morning we go, OK? We'll find a good place to stop.
We're good to go.
We're good to rock and roll.
Here we go.
Gladys is keen to do the drive as fast as possible so they can get there in time to spend Christmas with Jean Claude.
Our total drive is 21 hours and 35 minutes.
So I think we're good.
We're gonna make it.
How are you holding up? You OK? But driving in convoy has its problems, especially when an impatient Mom is directing your every move on her cellphone.
T ry to go in your middle lane, please.
This is better.
I've got to get in behind you soon.
I mean, don't tell me how to drive.
I don't like it when people call me to tell me how to drive when they're driving behind me.
Drive in front of me, then.
Leave me alone.
Kristopher, 60, 60.
We have traffic behind us.
Your 60 is 70.
Come on! I'll go to 70.
It's no problem.
I have no problem obeying the rules.
Kris, move it, because people are trailing behind you.
Oh, you're playing with fire now.
You don't hang up on me.
When I'm right, you don't hang up on me.
You're making me nervous.
It's very stressful and very annoying.
Back in Louisiana, Jean Claude is in the hotel gym.
He wants to get fit enough to make a comeback in the kick-boxing ring and take on a former Olympic gold medallist.
I want to go back in shape a thousand per cent.
A thousand per cent, not a hundred.
A thousand per cent.
Because of my age I'm going to have to train harder.
(Bones crack) You see all that cracking? That's when I'm scared.
Cos I have a tendency to forget .
.
to forget my age.
And I believe in my head, I feel like I'm like, I don't knowI never grew (Groans) I've got no power.
A complete disaster.
(Exhales) I didn't do this for a long time.
So, you know when you do weights, it's kind of funny, because you see some result.
You're pumping.
You look good on camera "Hey, The Muscles from Brussels.
" It's bullshit.
Old injuries to his hip have left Jean Claude unable to do some of his trademark power kicks.
Here's the fracture.
And here's the other fracture.
Cos all my life I did that kick and then I came on the inside, so that movement here, that's when Sch-crack! Here.
So basically now, this - bye-bye.
This one like "Whoom!" This step (Makes explosion sound) Hup, hup, hup, hup (Makes explosion sound) But we'll get it.
Because God isGod is with me.
On the road, the family are rushing to make it to Vancouver on time to join Jean Claude for Christmas.
The heavy rain has already slowed progress and now there 's another problem.
We're on the San Francisco Bridge, folks.
The heart of San Francisco is 50 miles off course, meaning further delay.
Elari, in particular, isn 't happy.
They told you, it's like ten hours in the car.
I just want to be in my own world.
- And you're just nervous, nervous, nervous.
- I'm not nervous.
Then don't talk to me.
This time the delay is nothing to do with Kris.
Gladys has made a mistake with the sat nav.
- San Francisco? - The weather is bad, Bianca, but it's moving.
- We're in San Francisco.
- You can't stop in San Francisco.
Yep.
I would have been in Utah by now.
(Scoffs) Hello.
You don't drive fast.
We're going by speed limit and it's a lot of rain.
Yeah, with my speed limit I would have been in Utah.
- Here's the thing.
- Yeah? What we should have done is what I said.
- What did you say? - Here's Vancouver, here's Los Angeles.
- Here's San Francisco.
- Right.
Instead of going this way, we did this.
Now we have to loop around and go back up again.
We're not that far out.
We're close to it.
We're 30 minutes close to it, Ma.
So now we've wasted 30 minutes.
My girlfriend is attacking me for nothing, OK? She's not pregnant.
She has no right to do that.
The thing is this; we have to go north.
With more than two-thirds of the trip still to go everyone is feeling the strain.
So they decide to call it a day and hope for better progress tomorrow.
Gonna wake up at 7am.
Maybe we'll stop on the road here, have a little breakfast and then head on out.
Good night.
Jean Claude is in Louisiana where he must finish his final scenes on the movie Dragon Eyes.
It could be a stressful day, so it's just as well assistant Cathy is on hand.
- Where are my socks, Cathy? - What did you do with them? - You wanna wear yesterday's socks? - Cathy, where's my socks? Nine years, ten, eleven.
How many years together? - 1 2.
- 1 2 years.
- Do they smell, Cathy? - No, not at all.
(Laughter) I thought this was a phone.
Look, Cathy, like an idiot.
- Your shaver? - Yeah.
We need to make a hard copy of all your phone numbers, like I have of mine.
I lost the phone of the executive assistant of Mr Putin.
That's great.
I go to Russia, I cannot call him any more.
But then if I had the phone number it wouldn't be a problem.
- What did you put on your neck? - What did I what? That tattoo there.
What it means? It means "gift from God".
- You're a gift from God? - I believe so.
I think so too.
I mean, God gave you to me.
God gave you, gift from God.
God gave you to me.
- A gift from God.
- To me.
You have to put gift from God and below put Van Damme.
.
.
to anyone's life I enter.
- Give him some good tips.
Bye-bye.
- Bye.
Even on the way to the set Cathy can't relax as Jean Claude wants to locate a looser pair of trousers.
It's tight.
The pants are so tight.
I wanna take them off.
- I should have taken training pants.
- It's right here.
- Can you do it? - I think so.
Luckily, she's feeling energetic.
Look at that ass.
Look at that.
It's tight, man.
I don't get it.
Women they have those tight jeans.
They put tight jeans on.
It's like allit's like Very light.
You know, with time, it's like Lift.
(Laughs) Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
(Laughs) - Oh, it's kids' stuff.
- Exactly.
In the trailer his first appointment is with the film producer Moshe Diamant.
So Moshe saw me when I came in very early in Los Angeles, like 20-something years ago.
- 25 years.
- 25 years ago.
(Exhales) And then he saw the good and the bad.
But he was always there for me.
Every time I needed help.
In the '80s and '90s, Moshe's movies helped turn Jean Claude into one of the world's biggest stars.
Timecop did 50 million domestic.
- You also did Maximum Risk.
- After.
Timecop did 50 million domestically, I think.
By today's numbers, almost 200 million dollars.
For you to understand how big of a star he was.
- That's a real friend.
- Off screen, no? That's a real friend.
In Jean Claude's final scene his character will step in to protect Cung Le from a prison-yard brawl.
But first Jean Claude has to rehearse the fight scene with a stunt co-ordinator.
.
.
at the same time spits blood.
Pops his nose.
He was facing pain, then there's the leg right there.
Wham! OK.
Let's go very slow.
Slow, slow, slow.
Very slow.
Bam.
Like that.
Like this in the front.
- Like this.
And bam! - That's it.
This is awesome to be rescued by Van Damme.
Yee-haw! - Bam, and then "Kah!" - Yeah.
The rehearsal was with a stuntman, but the real scene is being played with actor Johnny.
- This is your guy.
- Of course.
I'm sorry.
I thought I was fighting you.
- We were just walking it with him.
- (Laughter) How do you feel comfortable doing it for yourself? Can you be relaxed about it, just like that? You stomp the guy.
Give me one punch and then get up and stomp.
And then I go on the chest like bam.
Like this? - It's not so hard, yeah? - No, no.
He's hands-on with everything.
He wants to have his fingers in the cookie jar with pretty much all aspects of the production.
Which is good.
His involvement is part of the success.
You like to move Jean Claude has shot hundreds of scenes like this, but this one is about to go badly wrong.
Then you stay there and then I can go with this kick, and go like "bam" like that, with kick.
- Yeah.
- So, it's like bam, bam.
Fantastic.
Here we go.
And - Roll it.
- Rolling I don't know if it's my worst nightmare or my number one wish.
I'm a big fan of his.
Action! Now's the moment where Jean Claude has to step into the scene.
With the action so frantic, everything has to be inch-perfect.
- Get him! - Hit him! (Shouting) But there 's a problem.
The extra hasn 't raised his head far enough, meaning he 's been kicked in the face for real.
Cut! You OK? - Get the medic on the set.
- Medic, please.
Medic.
Sorry.
Nah.
He got my teeth and my nose.
Yeah.
Injuring Johnny leaves Jean Claude feeling terrible.
(Low conversation) I went in and You know, to go for the chest and he goes down.
Hey, this stuff happens in the movies.
- What the! - Let me get the blood out.
I'm sorry.
He's gonna have something to talk about with his grandkids for a long time.
We got covered.
We don't even need fake blood.
- Is it broken? - I don't think so.
It's straight.
Luckily, nothing was broken, except for a couple offront teeth.
It was actually both of my front ones, see? Director John is looking on the positive side.
It happens all the time.
We've had a lot of contact so far.
Sothis is par for the course on this one, unfortunately.
ButIooks good.
And even Johnny has managed to put a brave face on it.
My nose ain't broke.
That would be the third time it's been broke.
I just said to him Yeah, he knows I'm sorry, right.
- I'm so sorry.
- That's all right, that's all right.
- I've had worse things - I'm so sorry.
I'm very sorry.
That's all right.
- We have that shot? - Yeah, we definitely have it.
OK, one, two, three.
The best picture you ever had, buddy.
I can't say it was nice, but it all worked out for the better.
I'm returning two cards.
Thank you.
In California, Gladys, Kris and Elari are starting the second day of their epic drive north to Vancouver.
Everybody feels good now that we've slept.
It was a good idea.
I didn't sleep the whole night.
Oh, stop whining.
Come on.
They're hoping to make up for some long delays Let's do it.
.
.
and get to Vancouver in time to join Jean Claude for Christmas.
We're gonna make this.
We are gonna make this together.
Nothing's gonna stop us now.
Nothing is gonna stop us now.
Butjust when things seem to be going well, one of Kris'brake warning lights starts to flash.
It's saying brake lampwatch out.
I read my manual.
It means that the brake bulb is out.
- I'm pushing here, and I don't know if - It works back there.
- It's a malfunction on the screen.
- It's the accident risk.
Because I don't know If I'm on the street and my ABS goes off, it's - ABS is your? - Automatic braking system.
- Yeah.
- OK.
But it's going off on paved roads.
That means there's a malfunction in the computer.
- Can we go? - Yeah.
I'm confident about the car.
I know my car inside and out.
It's just thatit's just that er I want to make sure we don't have any more problems.
Kris carries on and hopes for the best.
But after a few hours there are more warning lights.
- (Beeping) - The fault seems to be getting worse.
By now his brakes are beginning to lock on and off.
With the road still wet Kris' journey is becoming a nightmare.
(Beeping continues) Kris.
I'm calling the service department.
I can't drive it.
You brake, it goes.
You go, it brakes.
And then if you want to switch it on, and you want to actually go, it doesn't.
So now he doesn't want to drive it any more.
I'mI'm dead.
I can't drive it.
I'm not going to make an accident.
GLADYS: I don't know about I don't wanna hear it.
I'm not making an accident.
Please send somebody to tow.
This is the only solution from what you're telling me.
You cannot have it towed.
We cannot cross the border with a tow.
But the thing is, I don't know where I'm gonna stay or what I'm gonna do.
Or how this is gonna happen.
I'm really confused and I'm starting to panic.
- I'm sorry.
I don't wanna risk our lives.
- I completely agree with you.
We'll get there and Christmas is gonna be perfectly fine.
- Yeah.
- Dinner.
We'll cook a big pasta.
Yeah, yeah, don't worry.
I want to go to sleep.
I'm so tired.
A dealership a day keeps the doctor away.
With the car broken down, the chances of all three making it to Vancouver in time for Christmas are now in jeopardy.
Kris is about to find out if his car is fit to drive, so everyone can get to Vancouver in time to join Jean Claude for Christmas.
Going back to Mercedes and finally they can give us the truck back.
And give usgive us the diagnosis.
They're so tired.
They don't know what's happening or what this trip is about.
They just know that they're with us.
Everything is fine.
The car is in good condition.
- Apparently I was on a locking system.
- How did you do that? They said I was crazy to drive.
I could have easily - poow! - OK, that's all good.
- Course it's good.
On the road again.
Snow just popped out of nowhere.
That's fantastic.
We saw all kinds of nature, from nice weather to rainy to storm to wind.
To everything.
Three solid hours of driving later and with no more mechanical problems, it looks like the end could be in sight.
Finally, we made it.
We truly made it.
Merry Christmas and happy New Year.
Oh, my God.
Yay, look at her.
We made it! Gracias.
Adios.
- Hey! - Bianca, he has to go pee-pee.
- Hi.
- Oh.
Oh, my God! - Another son.
- Another one.
Well, this is our home.
Welcome to our home! Hi.
- Aaah! - Bianca! We made it.
We're very, very very, very relieved.
Ha-ha! It's fantastic.
With Jean Claude's arrival imminent, Gladys must work fast to get the apartment looking just the way he wants it.
You guys, take all the luggage and put them in your rooms now.
- Before Daddy comes, so it's clear.
- What time is he coming? Now.
At eight he lands.
Seriously, Dad's coming.
- OK.
- Eddie and Bianca, - you know to put the shoes in order, right? - Yes.
Your room has towels all over.
Put them in for the wash now.
I'm gonna check everything.
Can we dim the lights for Dad? Make a little cleaning.
Yeah, but I don't have luggage.
Where I am supposed to stick - Turn off the light because of energy.
- Oh, I love Christmas.
My favourite holiday of the year.
Last-minute decorations.
Yay! I've never done a tree so quick in my life.
(Singing) I should go where the men are.
No, just because he's a man doesn't mean he doesn't have to do nothing.
- It's the future now.
You're doing something.
- You go, girl! Yeah.
Hang stuff.
Finally, the apartment is ready.
Everything is perfect.
Good.
I'm so happy.
Oh.
OK.
Now everyone is keen to see Jean Claude and even more eager to see how Eddie copes with his Meet The Parents moment.
Maybe he's a little nervous.
I honestly think just a little bit.
Yeah, I'm sort of prepared.
(Laughs) Hey, Eddie.
Can I talk to you? - All right, so - How do you feel about my father? Are you a little bit nervous? I mean, who's not nervous when they meet the father of the girl? - Sure.
I was the same.
- Yeah.
He's shitting his pants.
Of course.
I can't wait to see that.
That will be a classic moment.
When Jean Claude finally arrives his greetings follow a strict pecking order.
First, of course, are the dogs.
He has to say hi to the dogs first.
Look at his head.
Oh, I'm so happy to see him.
Ahh.
Home.
It's my turn.
Next, a long hug for wife Gladys, before moving on to the kids.
Come! You're getting bigger.
You grew! Hi, Elari.
How are you? - How are you feeling? - Good.
And you? FinallyEddie's turn.
- Hey, you.
- And a question any young man dreads.
- You're not sleeping in the same room? - I'll sleep with you.
- Good.
- (Laughter) Listen, we'll switch.
- Wife for me and me for wife.
We're good.
- Hey.
So, Eddie is unfazed, but Jean Claude has a plan to knock some respect into the young Romeo.
Tomorrow we do the first lesson in karate, which is the most important.
- To be able to take punch.
- OK.
- Raging Bull is going to attack.
- No Raging Bull.
Let's make a deal.
You give me my first real karate lesson and I'll give you your first salsa lesson.
But Jean Claude isn't in a deal-making mood and he demonstrates on Bianca.
- That's my daughter.
- Papa.
(Laughter) Boof! Doof! Oh, man, I was like a bundle of nerves exploding.
It was fine.
It was a good experience, you know.
Not many people get that opportunity so It was real nice.
Yeah, it was very cool.
Very cool.
He greeted me with open arms.
Jean Claude hasn't seen Bianca for weeks, so he's taking the opportunity for some real father-daughter bonding.
You amuse me.
Why are you doing this to me? Eeee! (Laughs) It's a new exercise for the double chin.
Oh, ho, ho.
Before Jean Claude settles in he's managed to have a private chat with Eddie about Bianca.
You were not there.
He said to me "Sir, I want to ask you something.
I'm in your house.
It's really disturbing me, but I mean, I'm old-fashioned.
Can l I will be sleeping with your daughter in her room.
Is that OK by you? " I wanted to say, "What about three months ago? Did you ask my permission? " Hm! So tomorrow - Tonight GLADYS: You're a pain in the ass.
Do this to me.
Hurh! Wargh! Aaaargh! - But he still asked, right? He's a good kid.
- I should throw in an elbow.
You're such an old-fashioned fart.
Nobody's going to be good for Bianca or Kristopher.
That's true.
We shall see.
- Before I shtup my wife - Oh, stop! .
.
I ask her father, "Sir, can I shtup your wife - your daughter? Oh, stop already.
That's a man.
Once he's calmed down, Jean Claude starts to get changed, because tonight the family have been invited to a Christmas Eve house party.
I'm telling you, if I want to tonight, I'm having a little drink.
- No, you don't drink, darling.
- Just a little drink, it's Christmas.
- No.
No.
- Come on, babe.
Jean Claude hasjust started a new healthy diet and before getting changed for the party he's checking out the result.
Which diet? I was born this way.
(lnhales) Aaarrh-waaaargh! Ohhh-waaaargh! Aaargh! The Christmas Eve bash is being held at the home of one of his friends, Robert, who knows how to throw a good party.
Merry Christmas! Gladys hasn 't made the party, and despite her strict instructions, Jean Claude has decided to celebrate Christmas with a drink or two.
Or three.
By now Jean Claude is in full-blown party mode and that can mean only one thing.
Karaoke.
? And so I face the final curtain ? But through it all ? When there was doubt ? I ate it up ? And spit it out ? I faced it all ? And I stood tall ? And did it my way (Music continues) Oh.
I could sleep.
Was it good for you guys too? It's Christmas morning in Vancouver.
And for Eddie it's guaranteed to be one he won't forget in a hurry.
This is a great way to start Christmas.
So happy.
The happiest time of the year picking up piss.
Time out.
Don't move.
Everyone has needed a lie-in, especially Jean Claude, who stayed at the party until the bitter end.
He's gonna have a hangover, for sure.
Oh Good morningno.
Office, close the door, don't talk to us.
Mama.
By midday everyone is gradually surfacing.
Puppy Nikita is still in the doghouse and there's no sign yet of Jean Claude.
Is Dad still sleeping? It's brunch.
We have to talk low, because he went to bed at six in the morning.
- How was he when he came in? - Fine.
He felt so sick.
- Yeah, of course.
- ldiot! Christmas Day is turning into Christmas evening, and at 5pm Gladys decides it's time to get her husband up.
- I slept all that time? - Yes.
- I can't believe it.
- Yes, you slept all that time.
- Papa, you're up.
- How are you? - How are you? - Good, good.
Hi, guys.
Who's training? I've been very, very bad.
Last night, for Christmas, we all drink.
I drink a little more than you.
- It's shit, man.
- No, don'tdon't, don't Don't go there.
But despite the hangover Jean Claude still intends to keep his promise to Eddie.
Christmas Day is the best day to train.
It's like, unusual.
And give him a Christmas Day to remember with a special Jean Claude workout.
It's gonna be fun, a good experience.
We'll see what it's like.
Hopefully he doesn't scream at me too much.
Wham-bam, please, madam.
OK, let's go.
In the gym, the plan is for Eddie to work out If you like Bianca .
.
while Jean Claude, Bianca and Kris take turns to beat him with a large stick.
- Yo, Bianca.
Want to give him some? - Yeah, I do.
Now, it's Bianca's turn to administer some tough love.
- Not too hard.
- All right.
- (Laughter) - Keep on training.
Not a joke.
Let's go.
- Keep on going.
- Two Next it's Kris' chance to give Eddie some stick.
- Come on, Eddie.
- (Strains) OK.
Out.
Butjust when Eddie thought the torture was over Aaaargh! .
.
it's time for the next ordeal.
You keep hitting the same spot.
I'll show you my stomach now.
? We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas ? We wish you a merry Christmas and a (Bleep) workout (Laughter) Definitely a Christmas to remember.
My stomach's gonna remember it.
I don't think I'll be able to eat tonight.
Eddie needn't worry.
While most people are stuffing themselves with food, festive fun for this family is a full-on workout.
- I'm gonna throw up.
- You want to puke? Bring a basket to puke, please.
We have space to work.
All of us on that bar.
Ready.
All down, relax.
Let's go.
Onethat's right.
You see my hands? .
.
five, six.
Go.
Up, up.
Bam! OK? Five, six Very good.
Ten.
OK, turn around.
Same shape.
1 4, 1 5.
Good.
OK.
Next one.
Like this But the session is not overfor Eddie.
Jean Claude has one more trial that he must face.
I think you're all perspiring.
Sit down for a second.
- Eddie, you stop with me.
- All right.
Surely this must be every boyfriend's worst nightmare.
- Just watch your knees, Eddie.
- But Eddie has come out fighting.
Just a little tap and then you flick.
Oh! His ankle got me in the head.
No, it was a light touch, it was a light touch.
I'll be lucky if I remember today.
Don't fall asleep for an hour.
Having slapped Eddie down to size, it's now Jean Claude's turn to get his comeuppance.
Aargh! (Laughter) Good? OK, OK.
Once everyone has recovered from the martial arts session, it's time for a more traditional Christmas activity - opening presents.
Oh, finally.
Most headsets my whole life, so small.
I put them on on a plane, they come down and six hours on the plane - five hours - like this.
- (Laughter) - Like this.
Like this! - "Are you OK, sir? " - Yeah, I'm OK.
They fall down.
I put them and "pop"! Aaaah! OK, this is for Kristopher from Jean Claude and Gladys.
Jean Claude doesn't want to admit it, but he put Gladys in charge of buying most of the ones he'll give.
- I remember that one.
- (Laughter) I know what it is.
You always make me look like I don't know what's going on.
Mama is calling me from the store saying if I agree on that gift.
It's Jean Claude's turn again, but what do you buy for the man who has everything? Sssh, ssh.
- Video spy pen.
- (Laughter) You can write with it.
It's an hour up to video and sound.
1 50 million people are gonna know I have a spy pen.
No, you know why? We're gonna change the look of them.
We're gonna paint it green and yellow, man.
Gladys didn't buy herself a present, so Jean Claude has an ingenious plan.
- Here, Mama.
- There's an arrow.
"Last, but not least, an in-progress of being cut .
.
a five-carat from" (Laughs) Will you please finish your line? It cost me enough money.
- It looks like a ring.
- It's earrings.
- Earrings? - Put it on your ears.
Five-carat earrings.
No, on each ten, if you want to add them together.
Well, he got away with that one.
- By the way, it was our best Christmas, no? - Yeah.
I like it, because the first time for many years I have my family back together, but more than that I've got boyfriend and girlfriend with my family, so it's like opening up the family, you know.
Finally, it's Eddie's turn.
Jean Claude has decided to make amends for putting him through the mill, with his all-time favourite JCVD DVDs.
That's the one that was well-received by the press.
You know, JCVD.
And that's the first one.
Open them.
You like Christmas? I need to see your face.
- Oh, you were serious! - Yeah.
- No, I really wanted it.
- You know this one? - I know this one.
- You saw it or didn't see it? I saw it.
I saw it before This is one of my favourite movies.
If you can sign this for me? - Yeah.
- Wow.
This is incredible.
Don't tell anyone.
It was a lovely Christmas.
It was very different.
I'm usually spending Christmas with my family, back home in Florida.
I'm just really glad I got to experience what other families do and JC did a very good job opening his arms, and opening his family to me.
⣠morlapin â£