K.C. Undercover (2015) s01e05 Episode Script

Uh, the chem lab blew up and your test got canceled.
You found an app that'll duplicate your mother's signature for absentee notes.
Ursula the sea witch exchanged your voice for human legs.
Okay, you need to help me out here.
I entered the national Team Focus photography contest, and it's down to three finalists.
- Is one of them you? - Yes.
Okay, good, because otherwise, this guessing game was becoming a very big waste of time.
I am so proud of you.
This is amazing.
You are a great photographer, and I already know that you're gonna win.
You got this, you got this.
I entered a photograph of you.
You lost this, you definitely lost this.
What are you talking about? Marisa, there is no such thing as a good picture of me, okay? I'm just not photogenic.
In person, I look okay, but in pictures, I'm all, like And now, you're not gonna win, and it's gonna be all my face's fault.
- That's me? - Mm-hmm.
Wow, I was wrong.
You're not a great photographer.
Girl, you're a miracle worker.
We got this, we got this.
I keep it undercover.
I keep it undercover.
Dad, can you believe that Marisa is one of the top three young photographers in the whole country? Salmon.
When did we have salmon? Uh, two years ago.
Remember, you made salmon and said, "I'm not lookin' forward to cleanin' this grill.
" Well, I'm still not.
Tell your mother, for Father's Day, I want a new barbecue.
Anyway, last year's winning picture ended up in magazines, on billboards.
They even put it on bus stop benches.
Could you imagine the whole city parkin' their butts on my head? No, I cannot imagine that.
Actually, I can, but I don't want to.
Dad, I'm telling you, Marisa's really good and I think she can win.
She may win, but it won't be with a picture of you.
Oh, no, don't worry, I don't look all Sweetie, we can't take the chance of some seeing a photograph of you.
I know you're still new to this, but you are a spy, remember? I should hope so.
Otherwise I'm just a 16-year-old with a laser cannon and a grappling hook.
I'm serious.
Remember a couple of weeks ago, when you stopped those guys from stealing that confidential file? Oh, yeah, remember? I did one of these, and one of these, and one of these.
Yeah.
And remember one of them did one of these? He's out there, and he's thinkin', "If I could just get my hands on that girl who ruined my mission, I'd make her sorry.
But I have no idea who she is.
Oh, well, I guess I'll just take my mind off it, and go down to the bus station oh, wait! This head my butt is parked on looks kinda familiar.
Hello, photo contest people.
Who took this photo? Hello, photo contest winner.
Who is this girl? Your best friend who lives at 35 Melby Lane?" Sorry, K.
C.
, I'll finish the story in a minute.
I gotta see who's at the door.
Oh, no, it's someone who wants to kill us! Please, Mr.
Bad Man, don't take me, just take K.
C.
, because I'm not dumb enough to have my picture plastered all over the city.
But, Dad, this is really, really, really important to Marisa.
And much less important but still somewhat important, it is the best picture of me ever taken.
But no one will ever get to see it.
Well, you could just put it in a frame, give it to me.
After all, I did just save your life.
Go for the triple, go for the triple.
Yes, baby, yes! Triple! I'm sorry, I just do not get figure skating.
Oh, so here's where all the dishes are.
Yeah, you might wanna wash a few cups.
I had to get creative.
Is that all you have to say? Sorry.
Love you, Mom.
I love you, too.
But I don't love cleaning up after you.
This place is a pigpen.
Clean it up.
Oh, Mom.
Hey, don't "Oh, Mom" your mom.
It's time you start pitchin' in around here.
That makes two of you.
Pardon me? I have got a "honey do" list so long, I'm startin' to think it's a "honey, don't kid yourself, it's never gonna happen" list.
As a reminder, you're mad at Ernie, so start focusing some of that disappointment back in his direction.
You're both gonna have to start doing your fair share around here.
I am not a machine.
No, she's not a machine.
But you know who is? Oh, Judy! Ernie, we can't use an eight-year-old girl to do our chores.
She's a robot.
She's here to assist us on missions.
We don't have a mission, seems like a waste of robot to me.
I can't believe you, Ernie.
You finally had a good idea for once.
What do you people want? I'm busy.
Whoa, what crawled up your external drive? Sorry.
I'm just frustrated.
I'm trying to learn about the human experience, so I can be a better agent.
Yeah, the human experience is hard to figure out.
Fortunately, you have a smart, handsome, caring older brother to show you the way.
Oh, yeah? When does he get here? Now, the human experience.
What's the best way to teach you? Ooh, I know.
Chores.
That's a great idea, Ernie.
Chores? What about love, loss, compassion? What about we start with cleaning the toilet? Hey, Marisa, um I've just been thinking about that photograph you took of me, and, uh, yeah, you can't enter it in the contest.
You mean the photo that I did enter in the contest that beat out hundreds of others, the one that you loved the other day? The one where you didn't look all That photo? Yep, that's the one.
Uh, ya see, I thought about it, and I realized that I am just not comfortable with people parking their butts on my head.
And not to sound like a butt head, but I don't wanna be a butt head.
But you look beautiful.
Are you kidding me? I mean, you can practically see that pimple ready to burst through my skin.
Where? Oh, right there.
Oh.
I cannot believe that I did that.
I am such a klutz.
Get that.
Let me wash this off for you.
Oh, great, now it's got a smudge.
Oh, great.
How did that happen? Guess you're just gonna have to use another photo.
K.
C.
, what are you talking about? It is a digital photo.
I have the original one on my computer at home.
I could print out a million of them if I wanted to.
Oh.
Phew! Bullet dodged.
Yay, technology.
K.
C.
, what is going on with you? Nothing.
What are you talking about? Is there something you're not telling me? - No.
Not at all.
- Are you sure? Yeah, I mean, Marisa, would I ever lie to you? No.
Of course you wouldn't.
It's just, uh, you've been acting so kooky lately.
What are you talking about? Kooky? Who's kooky? Me, kooky? No, you kooky.
Yeah.
I'm kooky.
Hey, bro, I need you to do me a favor.
What are you doing after school? You know, the usual.
Good, so you're available.
Okay.
All right, I need you to get into her hard drive and delete that picture for good.
- This is so exciting.
- What being on a stealth mission? No, being in a girl's room.
Uh, Ernie.
I don't think her computer is in her underwear drawer.
Just being thorough.
Thoroughly creepy.
I don't care if you believe me, Mom.
Our school does get Katy Perry's birthday off, and if you loved me, you wouldn't have called the school and checked She's coming.
Fly the coop.
She made it look so easy.
Well, hello there.
Fancy meeting you here.
What the heck are you doing in my room? I think you know exactly what I'm doing here.
I'm not stupid.
I know you've been sending out signals.
Well, message, uh, received.
Number one, you are stupid.
And number two, message, uh, deleted.
Get out! Well, cross this human experience off the list.
I'm done.
Uh, not so fast, baby bot.
You're not done polishing the floors until I can see my reflection.
I don't know why you wanna see your reflection, but okay.
Lighten up, Ernie.
Kids need to play sometimes, too.
In fact, I know a great game you can play right now, Judy.
It's called "rotate Daddy's tires.
" Wait.
I think I hear Mom.
Oh, take five.
You've earned it.
I'm a robot.
Time means nothing to me.
Does having your hard drive erased mean anything to you? Give me the rag.
- Hey, baby.
- Hey, Mom.
Wow! The floor looks brand-new.
Way to go, guys.
Well, there's nothing you can't accomplish without a little elbow grease and love.
You left out a robot.
By the way, Mom, we also dusted the shelves, polished the silver, and made some homemade potpourri.
What a coincidence.
So did I.
Craig and Ernie, I am impressed.
You two deserve a little fro-yo break.
Well, we did work hard.
Yeah, I just hope I'm not too sweaty to go out in public.
You know, because we worked so hard that I perspired.
Okay, Sidney Poitier, let's not get overdramatic.
You know, Judy, it wouldn't kill you to clean a little, too.
Hey, K.
C.
, I called you yesterday afternoon.
You didn't call me back.
Oh Ow, ow, I lost my voice.
Oh, maybe you left it in my room, along with your brother.
Okay, you know about that.
Oh, hey, look at that.
Your voice is back.
Now you can tell me what's really going on.
I would love to but I can't.
Look, I know you were trying to delete that photo off my computer, so just tell me why.
Uh, you were running out of RAM.
Okay, I think, for some reason, you don't want me to win that contest.
No, Marisa, that is not it at all.
- Then tell me what it is.
- I can't.
Lately, you can't tell me anything.
I know you're keeping secrets from me.
- No, I'm not.
- You're lying.
- That's not true.
- You're lying again.
Marisa, it's not it at all, okay? Look, here's the deal.
I, uh Yes? I'm sorry.
I can't.
You know what? It's okay.
Because if you're just gonna keep lying and keeping secrets, then I guess we're not really best friends.
I don't know, maybe we shouldn't even be friends at all.
Mom, Marisa's mad at me because she thinks I'm lying to her.
Why does she think that? Because I am lying to her.
What did you say? That I wasn't lying to her.
Okay, so we're having the balancing friendships and spying talk.
Can't we do the birds and the bees talk instead? I mean, it's so much easier, and I have a good picture book for that.
It's just not being able to tell what's really going on in my life is driving us apart.
Honey, I know what you're going through.
I used to have a best friend named Jackie.
I was sent on a last-minute mission, and I missed her wedding.
Jackie was furious.
She asked me a million times, "Why weren't you there, why weren't you there?" And of course, I couldn't tell her the truth.
So what did you do? Well, I had no choice.
She was asking too many questions, so I had to get rid of her.
You killed Jackie? No.
I deleted her from my contacts.
What is wrong with you, K.
C.
? Sorry.
It's just that life would be so much easier if I could just tell Marisa the truth.
I know, But you can't.
It's not even an option.
Look, I know that you hate lying to Marisa.
But when you think about how many bad people we stop from hurting good people, it's worth it, isn't it? I guess so.
So, uh, whatever happened to Jackie? It's a funny story.
So turns out she was an enemy operative working undercover, and was just posing as my best friend.
I wound up throwing her off a building in Rio de Janeiro.
Mom! Oh, she's fine.
But I'm still not talking to her.
All right, family, we just got the go-ahead for Operation Slice and Dice.
K.
C.
's already in the van.
- Let's roll, Judy.
- Sorry.
No can do.
I'm watching Real Houseboos of Connecticut.
Mitzi just found out her boo was not invited to the barbecue.
It's about to go off in here.
Judy, what is wrong with you? You're programmed to assist us on missions.
That was before Craig and Ernie taught me all about the human experience.
I had no idea it was all about pushing your work off on other people.
What did you two do? Mom, there's something I have to tell you.
Dad used her to do all his chores.
No, it was all his idea.
Oh, like I'm supposed to believe Ernie came up with that.
I know.
I was shocked, too.
But look at it this way.
Now your "honey do" list is "honey did.
" Honey, don't.
Now, are you gonna go do your mission, or maybe you wanna trick a child into doing that for you, too.
Fine, but for your information, she's a robot.
A robot.
Intel shows that an enemy spy is expected to arrive at any moment.
Your mission is to place a miniature GPS tracking device in his food, then once he eats it, we'll be able to track him for up to 12 hours.
Won't he know it's in his food? Honey, put it in the tempura.
People eat anything that's deep fried.
I have visual confirmation.
The target's entered the restaurant.
Hey, Chef.
What is Marisa doing there? Apparently disregarding the "please wait to be seated" sign.
I'm in a really bad mood, and this is my favorite place.
If this doesn't cheer me up, nothing will.
Get rid of her.
Ooh, the sizzling teriyaki shrimp.
Is the shrimp as good as it sounds? Now bye.
Chef, you are so funny.
I'm already feeling better.
Target's looking antsy.
Lose Chatty Patty.
Oh, Chef, do you have a best friend? I have a best friend.
Well, I had a best friend.
Normally, we come here together, but we had a really big fight.
I know these things happen, but they don't happen to me and K.
C.
We used to tell each other everything, but she's changed.
She's been lying to me.
You're totally right.
I'm being all judge-y judge-y, but it hurts.
Oh, hey, could you do the big shrimp flip and egg crack trick for me? Oh, please.
It would really cheer me up.
The targets are leaving.
You have to stop them even if it means breaking your cover.
Hey, cool, they added a floor show.
I wish K.
C.
was here to see this.
K.
C.
? Now I get it.
You've been acting all kooky because you're stressed out from your secret job pretending to be a male chef at Benimama's.
Yeah.
We need to talk.
I'm glad I finally know the truth.
But I've gotta say, it's hard to believe that someone I know is a spy.
Why, because I'm a teenager? Oh, no, you I believe.
It's your parents.
They're so dull.
Okay, it's time to erase her memory.
I know I wouldn't mind forgetting that last comment.
Uh, guys, I think I should probably be the one to do it.
You sure, honey? Yeah, I'm sure.
All right, um I'm going to spray you now, and you're gonna forget everything that happened in the last six hours.
It also means that you're not gonna remember why I did not want you to enter that picture into the contest.
I don't care about the contest, I care about you.
Marisa, you say that now, but when you wake up, chances are you're still gonna be mad at me, and you're not gonna want to be my friend anymore.
And even though you won't like me, I will always love you.
I will always love you, too, K.
C.
No matter what.
Even if I don't know that I do.
Okay, I think that I'm ready.
I know that was hard for you, K.
C.
'Cause it sure was hard for me.
But we didn't have a choice.
I get it.
I mean, Marisa could never know the truth about us.
Proud of you, honey.
Dull? I am not dull.
If anything, I got it goin' on.
Marisa.
All clear.
Mmm, what was that, vanilla? - With a hint of lavender.
- Nice.
Fake memory erasing spray might be my new signature scent.
I can't believe your parents fell for that.
I know.
What the heck kind of spies are they? Really get that on there.
I wanna see it shine.
You're not done polishing until I can see my reflection.
I don't know why you wanna see your reflection, but okay.
Now this is a human experience I could get used to.
Hot off the grill that took me three hours to clean.
Well, it probably would've come off faster two years ago.
Yeah.
Oh, did I say I wanted a hamburger? Yeah, you did.
I'm sorry.
I meant salmon.
I don't have salmon.
No, but you do have two legs and a debit card.
Rob, your name's on TV.