Keeping Up Appearances s01e05 Episode Script

( theme music playing ) ( whistling ) ARE YOU QUITE SURE MY MILK WENT INTO A CLEAN BOTTLE? ( sighs ) VERY GOOD.
I DO LIKE A MILKMAN WITH CLEAN FINGERNAILS.
YOU MAY BRING AN EXTRA YOGURT TOMORROW.
YOU SEE HOW CLEANLINESS PAYS? AND EXTRA YOGURT-- WOW.
- WHAT FLAVOR? - SURPRISE ME.
I'D LOVE TO.
( dog barking ) THERE'S THA DREADFUL DOG AGAIN.
HE'S ALWAYS COMING INTO MY GARDEN AND MAKING GESTURES.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
( humming ) JUST A MINUTE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING, RICHARD? YOU WANTED THE ROSES DEADHEADED.
AREN'T WE FORGETTING SOMETHING? I KISSED YOU GOOD MORNING.
DIDN'T I KISS YOU GOOD MORNING? IT'S NOT THAT, DEAR.
YOU'RE NOT WEARING A TIE.
I-I-I'M GONNA DEADHEAD THE ROSES.
I WILL NOT HAVE YOU STANDING OUT IN THE STREE HALF-DRESSED.
WE HAVE A SOCIAL POSITION TO MAINTAIN.
OH, MORNING, ELIZABETH.
OH, GOOD MORNING, MARJORIE.
- MORNING, PHYLLIS.
- SHALL YOU BE COMING LATER? TO THE CHURCH HALL? OH, YES-- EXPECT I SHALL BE COMING WITH HYACINTH.
HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO LIVE NEXT DOOR TO HYACINTH? OH, YOU GE USED TO IT.
I THINK THAT'S TERRIBLE.
FANCY HAVING TO GET USED TO IT.
I CAN'T STAND HER.
SHE ONCE INVITED ME TO ONE OF HER CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS.
- OH, THEM! - YOU GET USED TO THEM TOO.
YOU POOR THING.
ABSOLUTELY CAN'T STAND HER.
IF THAT DOOR OPENED NOW, I'D HIDE.
THATTOO.
YOU SEE? THAT'S BETTER.
I FEEL A BIT OVERDRESSED.
I WILL NOT HAVE YOU OUT THERE GARDENING WITH YOUR SHIRTS WIDE OPEN.
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'LL BE LOOKING LIKE ONSLOW.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO ADMIRE ONSLOW'S RELAXED ATTITUDE TO LIFE.
ONSLOW'S IDEA OF WHA TO DO WITH A GARDEN IS TO ABANDON AN OLD CAR IN IT.
- BUT HE ENJOYS LIFE.
- EXACTLY! WHAT KIND OF IRRESPONSIBILITY IS THAT? WELL, I'LL BE OFF THEN.
WIPE YOUR FEET BEFORE YOU COME BACK IN, DEAR.
RIGHT.
GOT THAT.
MORNING, LADIES.
HAVE YOU LOST SOMETHING? - Elizabeth: YES.
- Others: NO! - Elizabeth: NO! - Others: YES! WORM.
WE THOUGHT WE SAW A WORM.
AH.
IT SEEMED A VERY UNUSUAL SORT OF WORM.
- ( Richard chuckles ) - VERY! WELL, CAN'T STAND HERE ALL DAY.
OH, IT'S YOU, ONSLOW.
HOW ARE YOU? YOU NEEDN' GO INTO DETAIL, THIS IS MERELY AN INQUIRY AFTER YOUR GENERAL HEALTH.
I'M SORRY YOU HAVE A MOSQUITO BITE, BUT ITS EXACT LOCATION IS REALLY NO BUSINESS OF MINE, DESPITE OUR BEING RELATED THROUGH MARRIAGE.
YES, ONSLOW, I'M SURE MOST PEOPLE WONDER HOW YOU MANAGED TO GET BITTEN THERE, BUT THAT'S NOT THE KIND OF SPECULATION I CARE TO PURSUE.
THANK YOU, ONSLOW, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THE COARSE REMARKS.
I WISH TO CONVERSE WITH MY SISTER.
DAISY, GOOD MORNING, DEAR.
WHAT WAS ONSLOW WEARING? OH, I HATE TALKING TO ONSLOW WHEN HE'S ONLY WEARING A VEST.
NO WONDER HE GETS MOSQUITO BITES IN ODD PLACES.
HOW'S DADDY? HEAVILY SEDATED, GOOD.
I THINK IT'S BEST, DON'T YOU? IT SUITS HIM, BLESS HIM.
SOMETIMES I THINK IT MIGHT SUIT ONSLOW.
NOW, WHY I'M CALLING, DAISY, IS THAT I SHAN'T BE ABLE TO VISIT TODAY AFTER ALL.
BY POPULAR DEMAND I'VE BEEN INVITED TO TAKE CHARGE OF THINGS AT THE LADIES' CIRCLE.
YES, WE'RE HAVING A VISITING SPEAKER AND THEY NEED ME THERE TO GIVE THINGS A LITTLE STYLE AND POLISH.
I COULDN'T MISS IT, THEY WOULDN'T ALLOW IT, THEY RELY ON ME TOTALLY.
( Richard humming ) - ALL ALONE, RICHARD? - AT THE MOMENT, YES.
- HYACINTH INDOORS, IS SHE? - UH-HUH.
- NOT A BAD MORNING.
- NO, VERY PLEASANT.
COFFEE, ELIZABETH! DAMN SHOELACES.
LISTEN, I MUST BE GOING.
DID I HEAR A SUMMONS TO COFFEE? YES.
BETTER GO.
( doorbell rings ) OH, ELIZABETH! YES? - COFFEE? - ( laughing ) OH, YES, OF COURSE.
THE BACK DOOR, DEAR.
ELIZABETH? OH, THERE YOU ARE, DEAR.
OF COURSE, IF YOU HADN'T BEEN GARDENING, YOU COULD HAVE COME IN AT THE FRONT.
I HAD CHANGED MY SHOES AND WASHED MY HANDS.
WHAT I ALWAYS DO WHEN I'VE BEEN GARDENING IS CHANGE MY SHOES AND WASH MY HANDS.
DO SIT DOWN, ELIZABETH, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
Both: NOT THERE, DEAR, I LIKE TO FACE THE WINDOW.
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE HAPPIER WITH A BEAKER, RATHER THAN WITH MY DELICATE HAND-PAINTED CHINA.
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
FOR SOME REASON, I'M ALWAYS A BUNDLE OF NERVES WHEN I'M IN YOUR HOME.
I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY, DEAR, YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF.
- WELL, I DO TRY.
- I'M SURE YOU DO, DEAR.
BUT IT CAN'T BE EASY WHEN YOU'RE ALL THUMBS.
HAVE YOU TOLD ONSLOW YET? - TWICE.
- WHAT'D HE SAY? I DON'T THINK HE WAS LISTENING.
- ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HIM?! - I'M GOING TO TELL HIM! COME ON, THEN, IN YOU COME.
- COME IN.
- GO ON, FOLLOW HER.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
- COME ON.
- ( dog barks ) - COME ON, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
- SHUT UP, YOU! - JUST BE QUIET.
( racing announcer on TV ) - ONSLOW? - HMM? - I'VE GO SOMETHING TO TELL YOU-- - HANG ON, THEY'RE NEARLY OFF.
I'M IN LOVE, ONSLOW, WITH A 17-YEAR-OLD.
HE'S GOT A GOOD CHANCE, THIS.
I'VE GOT TWO QUID ON IT.
ONSLOW, I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU, YOUR WIFE IS IN LOVE WITH A 17-YEAR-OLD! THAT'S DISGUSTING, THAT IS.
INTERRUPTING A BLOKE'S PRIME TIME VIEWING.
ANYBODY WE KNOW? ( clears throat ) I THOUGHT HE BELONGED TO ROSE? HE DID-- BUT THEY FOUND THEY WEREN'T COMPATIBLE.
OH, HE'S NICE ENOUGH.
WE JUST WEREN'T COMPATIBLE.
- HOW OLD IS HE? - 17! IS HE OLD ENOUGH TO SMOKE? OH, TA.
KEEP THE PACK.
OH, CHEERS! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN KEEP HIM INTERESTED TILL HE'S OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK? AW, NO! LOOK, I'VE MISSED IT NOW.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST BUG OFF AND LET ME WATCH THE REPLAY.
NOW, I DON'T INTEND TO MAKE A BIG ISSUE OF IT.
I'D RATHER IT BECAME CLEAR GRADUALLY THAT I BROUGH MY OWN DELICATE, HAND-PAINTED CHINA FOR THE BENEFI OF THE GUEST SPEAKER, MYSELF AND OTHER PROMINENT MEMBERS.
HMMM? PHYLLIS.
- HAVE YOU SEEN A GHOST? - IT'S WORSE THAN THAT! - HYACINTH.
- All: HYACINTH! NOW, YOU WILL BE CAREFUL WITH MY CHINA, RICHARD? I WILL, IF I CAN SEE.
OH, NO! DON'T ASK ME TO CARRY YOUR BEST CHINA, HYACINTH.
I CAN'T BEAR THE RESPONSIBILITY.
YOU'LL HAVE NO PROBLEM, DEAR.
I SHALL OPEN EVERY DOOR FOR YOU.
AH! VICAR! JUST THE MAN I WANT TO SEE.
HELLO, MRS.
BUCKET.
"BOUQUET.
" A LITTLE WORD WITH YOU IN PRIVATE, VICAR.
FOR THE BENEFI OF THE TOP TABLE AND THE GUEST SPEAKER, I'VE BROUGHT ALONG MY OWN DELICATE, HAND-PAINTED CHINA.
I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO OPEN EVERY DOOR.
THANK YOU, VICAR.
OH, IT'S VERY QUIET HERE.
THERE DON'T SEEM TO BE MANY PEOPLE ABOUT.
NO.
PLEASE EXCUSE ME.
OH! DO BE CAREFUL, ELIZABETH! THAT WAS A GIFT FROM SOMEONE VERY DEAR TO ME.
- RICHARD BOUGHT IT? - NO, NOT RICHARD! IT WAS A GIFT FROM SHERIDAN TO HIS MOMMY.
I PAID THE BILL.
YOU COULDN'T EXPECT A SCHOOLBOY TO AFFORD THINGS LIKE THIS.
PUT THEM SAFELY ON THAT TABLE, DEARS.
VICAR, WHAT TIME IS OUR GUEST SPEAKER ARRIVING? OH DEAR, I FORGO THE SAUSAGE ROLLS.
( gasps ) ( loud whisper ) HYACINTH! THERE SHOULD BE SOMEBODY HERE.
THERE'S FOOD ON THE TABLE.
OF A RATHER UNIMAGINATIVE VARIETY, IT MUST BE SAID.
I THINK IT NEEDS A SMIDGEN OF MY HAUTE CUISINE.
RICHARD, BRING MY ACCOUTREMENTS THROUGH, WILL YOU? THIS'LL BE THE PRINCIPAL BUFFET TABLE-- WELL, I MUST BE GETTING ON, MRS.
BUCKET.
"BOUQUET.
" I'LL CATCH YOU LATER, VICAR, AND FILL YOU IN IN SHERIDAN'S PROGRESS AT UNIVERSITY.
OH.
GOOD.
HE'S DOING BRILLIANTLY WELL.
- AH.
- HIS TUTORS ALL FORECAS ASTONISHING THINGS FOR HIM.
JUST PUT THEM DOWN THERE, DEAR.
THEY SHOULD BE QUITE SAFE.
NOW, I'D BETTER TRY AND BRING A LITTLE STYLE AND POLISH TO THIS FOOD.
I SHALL NEED SOME EXTRA PEOPLE FOR THE UNSKILLED JOBS.
RECEPTIVE PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLING TO WATCH AND LEARN.
ELIZABETH, COME HERE, DEAR.
WHILE RICHARD IS GUARDING MY CHINA, WILL YOU GO AND ROUND ME UP A FEW WILLING HELPERS? ( stammering ) WHAT IF THEY WON'T COME, HYACINTH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WON'T COME"? JUST TELL THEM WHO IT'S FOR.
IT HASN'T WORKED.
YOU DON' KNOW THAT.
WELL, LOOK AT HIM.
DOES HE LOOK JEALOUS? MAYBE HE'S HIDING IT.
DOING A VERY GOOD JOB.
MAYBE HE'S IN TURMOIL INSIDE.
IF HE IS, IT'S INDIGESTION.
LET'S FIND OUT.
ONSLOW? DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO COPE NOW THA DAISY'S GOT A TOY BOY? HE WILL.
I THINK HE'LL BE ABLE TO COPE.
Hyacinth: I TRUST YOU'VE REMEMBERED YOUR CRUETS, LADIES.
OH, YOU DO YOUR LETTUCE LIKE THAT? SORT OF LUMPY AND CAREFREE? MY SHERIDAN PREFERS HIS ARRANGED RATHER MORE SYMMETRICALLY.
BUT THEN HE HAS SUCH NATURAL GOOD TASTE.
"MY MOMMY," HE USED TO BOAST, "DESIGNS THE PERFECT SALAD.
" ( laughing ) A WICKED BOY, SHERIDAN.
I USED TO PROTEST, OF COURSE, COVERED WITH EMBARRASSMENT.
BUT THAT'S HOW HE WAS.
SO PERCEPTIVE, EVEN AT THAT AGE.
TO MASTER CLING FILM, DON'T YOU, DEAR? HAD GOOD TASTE.
EVEN AS QUITE A SMALL CHILD.
WHEN OTHER BOYS WOULD COME HOME FROM SCHOOL LOOKING AS THOUGH THEY'D BARELY SURVIVED AN EXPLOSION, MY SHERIDAN WOULD ALWAYS HAVE HIS TIE ON STRAIGH AND THE CLEANEST PAIR OF KNEES IN THE CIVILIZED WORLD.
OH, IS THAT ONE OF MRS.
WATSON'S CAKES? OH YES, I CAN SEE IT IS NOW.
( chuckles ) SHE DOES TRY, BLESS HER.
THAT'S ONE OF SHERIDAN'S FAVORITE CAKES, WHEN IT'S MADE PROPERLY.
NOT THAT HE HAS A SWEET TOOTH, HE'S VERY SELF-DISCIPLINED.
I REMEMBER HIS SCOUTMASTER USED TO SAY THAT HE'D NEVER KNOWN ANYONE APPLY MORE GRI AND DETERMINATION TO THE ACQUISITION OF HIS COOKS' BADGE THAN SHERIDAN.
OH, THAT'S NICE, DEAR.
WHATEVER IT IS.
IT'S VERY TOLERANT OF ONSLOW TO LET ME HAVE A TOY BOY.
TOOTOLERANT OF ONSLOW TO LET ME HAVE A TOY BOY! AND YOU SPEN ALL THAT TIME AND TROUBLE ON HIS MOSQUITO BITE.
I SUPPOSE I JUS HAVE TO CONCLUDE THAT ONSLOW DOESN'T LOVE ME.
MAYBE UNDERNEATH HE LOVES YOU.
UNDERNEATH WHAT? HE'S GOT PRACTICALLY NOTHING ON.
HOW SOON THE MAGIC SLIPS FROM YOUR MARRIAGE.
THESE DAYS, HE NEVER SAYS ANYTHING NICE TO ME.
NEVER ANYTHING ROMANTIC?! NEVER.
I TELL A LIE, ONCE HE SAID, "DAISY, YOU DO GREAT CHIPS.
" IT'S NOT MUCH AFTER 20 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.
- IS THAT ALL HE SAYS? - ANY MORE BEER? THAT'S WHA HE SAYS MOSTLY.
SEE, I THINK THE THING IS, HE JUST DOESN'T NOTICE.
IF HE WERE WITH SOME OTHER MAN, AND SAW YOU WITH YOUR TOY BOY, THEN THE OTHER MAN WOULD BE BOUND TO NOTICE, AND SAY SOMETHING TO ONSLOW.
THEN ONSLOW WOULD HAVE TO NOTICE.
WE NEED ANOTHER MAN.
- SOMEBODY RELIABLE.
- YEAH SOMEBODY WHO ONSLOW WOULD LISTEN TO.
Both: RICHARD! DON'T WORRY, DEAR, THEY'RE NOT COMING TILL 1:00.
AND OF COURSE WHAT IS QUITE EXCEPTIONAL IN THIS DAY AND AGE, IS SHERIDAN'S INSTINCTIVE THOUGHTFULNESS, HIS ABSOLUTE CARE AND CONCERN FOR HIS MOTHER.
IT'S SO VERY RARE.
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE GIFTED ACADEMICALLY.
( sniffs ) GARLIC? DO YOU THINK THAT'S QUITE APPROPRIATE IN AN ANGLICAN CHURCH HALL? HOW DO YOU MEAN "RICHARD NEEDS ME"? GO AND FIND OUT.
- WHY'S HE NEED ME? - HE WOULDN'T SAY, BUT IT'S IMPORTANT! HE SOUNDED URGEN ON THE PHONE.
I NEVER HEARD THE PHONE.
ONCE WE HAD A CHIMNEY STACK BLOW DOWN, YOU NEVER HEARD THAT EITHER.
BUT HE'S NEVER NEEDED ME BEFORE.
HE'S YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW.
JUST GO AND FIND OU WHAT HE WANTS.
- WHERE IS HE? - HE'S AT "ST.
THINGY'S" CHURCH HALL.
- WHERE? - NEAR HYACINTH, BUT WAIT OUTSIDE.
NEEDSYOU.
WHAT HE NEEDS IS A HOLIDAY FROM HYACINTH.
COME ON! - Daisy: GO ON.
- OH, ALL RIGHT.
OH, YES, THOSE'LL DO, DEAR.
I EXPECT THEY'LL SEE US THROUGH LUNCH.
OH, VICAR! I WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOU MY SHERIDAN, DIDN'T I? YOU'VE NEVER MET HIM, OF COURSE - I'M AFRAID NOT, NO.
- BUT YOU'LL HAVE HEARD OF HIM.
OH, MORE THAN ONCE.
MORE THAN ONCE.
THAT'S BETTER.
I MUST BRING HIM OVER THE NEXT TIME HE'S ON LEAVE FROM HIS ACADEMIC STUDIES.
- MAY I-- - OH, THANK YOU.
OR BETTER STILL, YOU COULD COME OVER TO ONE OF MY CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS.
NO, NOT THERE, VICAR.
THERE.
TSK, TSK, TSK.
- YOU'LL FIND HIS CONVERSATION VERY STIMULATING.
- I'M SURE.
AMAZING - INTELLECTUAL POWERS.
- THAT'S NICE.
YES, ISN'T IT? OF COURSE, I SPOTTED IT EARLY.
HE WAS MOST EXCEPTIONAL, EVEN AS A CHILD.
- YES, HE WOULD BE.
- EXCUSE ME, VICAR.
HYACINTH, HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR HUSBAND? OF COURSE.
I SEE HIM REGULARLY.
IT'S A GOOD WIFE'S DUTY.
NO, THERE'S SOMEONE OUTSIDE ASKING FOR HIM.
FOR RICHARD? OH, IT'LL BE SOMEONE VERY IMPORTANT FROM THE COUNCIL.
THERE'LL BE A CRISIS.
RICHARD IS INVALUABLE IN A CRISIS.
EXCUSE ME, VICAR.
I'D BETTER GO AND FIND HIM.
LIVES COULD BE AT STAKE.
HELP THE VICAR, WILL YOU, DEAR? RICHARD! THAT'S BETTER.
RICHARD! - I CAN'T THINK WHO IT MIGHT BE.
- ALL THE MORE REASON TO TAKE TROUBLE.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE VERY IMPORTANT.
NOW, I SUGGES ONE HAND IN YOUR JACKET POCKET.
IT GIVES A SENSE OF RELAXED ALERTNESS.
TRY THE OTHER ONE, DEAR.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD SHOW A HANDKERCHIEF IN YOUR TOP POCKET.
- I HAVEN'T GOT ONE.
- OH, REALLY! WELL, WE CAN' DO THAT THEN.
DON'T STAND ABOUT, DEAR.
HYACINTH, IT MAY BE NOTHING.
TO YOUR NEXT PROMOTION.
WHAT'S ONSLOW DOING HERE? - HOW SHOULD I KNOW? - GET RID OF HIM.
- HOW CAN I DO THAT? - GET RID OF HIM! OH, VERY WELL.
LEAVE IT TO ME.
- BE TACTFUL.
- OF COURSE I'LL BE TACTFUL.
ONSLOW, GO AWAY-- BEFORE ANYONE SEES YOU.
THERE'S ONLY YOU AND THE VICAR AND A FEW ASSORTED FEMALES.
YOU'VE NOT BEEN TALKING TO THE VICAR, HAVE YOU? BEEN TALKING TO THE VICAR! RELAX, I JUST CAUGH A GLIMPSE OF HIM THROUGH THE WINDOW, DIDN'T I? THAT'S ALL RIGHT THEN.
ANYWAY, WHATEVER IT IS, IT'LL HAVE TO WAIT.
- I WANT A WORD WITH RICHARD.
- THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE AT THE MOMENT.
SOMEONE VERY IMPORTAN IS LOOKING FOR RICHARD, HE'S BEEN ASKED FOR AT THE DOOR.
THATWAS ME.
YOU?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN "YOU"? ALL THIS ABOUT? I DON'T KNOW, DON'T LOOK AT ME.
YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME, ONSLOW.
I'M NEEDED INSIDE.
NOW GET HIM OUT OF SIGH AND DON'T BE LONG! SHE DOES A GREAT LINE AND WAFFLE, YOUR HYACINTH.
RICHARD, A WORD WITH YOU, PLEASE.
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND THE BACK.
WHY DOES ONSLOW NEVER WEAR A SUIT? HE HAS A SUIT.
HE GOT MARRIED IN A SUIT.
HE STILL LOOKED TERRIBLE, BUT AT LEAST HE LOOKED TERRIBLE IN A SUIT.
NOW THERE, COME ON.
WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS PARTS OF HIM BULGING OUT OF SKIMPY GARMENTS? - COME ALONG, DEAR.
- HE DRESSES CASUALLY.
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CASUAL AND DOWNRIGHT RECKLESS.
I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY DAISY MARRIED HIM.
YOU PLAY TOGETHER AS CHILDREN, YOU HAVE ALL THE STRANGE CHILDISH FEARS ABOUT MONSTERS-- LITTLE DO YOU DREAM THAT YOUR SISTER'S GOING TO GROW UP TO MARRY ONE.
THERE'S NO ACCOUNTING FOR WHO FALLS FOR WHOM.
THERE SHOULD BE, AND DON'T GET IN A PET, DEAR.
IT'S VERY UNTIDY, SUITS INTER-BREEDING WITH T-SHIRTS.
NO GOOD WILL COME OF IT.
WHERE IS ONSLOW NOW? I SENT HIM ROUND THE BACK.
GOOD.
KEEP GOING, DEAR.
THERE'S LOTS MORE TO DO.
OH NO! THEY HAVEN'T PU MY CHINA IN WITH ALL THE REST.
ELIZABETH, DEAR, GIVE ME A HAND, WILL YOU, WITH ALL THIS CHINA UP TO THE TOP TABLE? I WON'T HAVE THE WRONG PEOPLE DRINKING OUT OF MY HAND-PAINTED PERIWINKLES.
OH DEAR.
I THINK THE GUEST SPEAKER WILL BE AT THE TOP TABLE, BUT I'D BETTER CHECK WITH THE VICAR, WHERE IS HE? HE'S OUTSIDE AT THE BACK.
- WHAT? - HE'S JUST STARTED THE OUTDOOR PRAYERS.
RICHARD, DON'T JUS SIT THERE, DEAR, COME ON.
GET RID OF ONSLOW, AND HURRY, BEFORE THE VICAR CATCHES UP WITH HIM.
I'LL BE OUT LATER.
PUT THOSE DOWN, DEAR! - I THOUGHT YOU SAID-- - THEY'VE STARTED.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING JUST THE CHALICE BROKEN ON THE WHEEL, THE PITCHER SHATTERED AT THE FOUNTAIN.
PARDON? £40 EACH AND IRREPLACEABLE! ( singing a hymn ) WHO SO BESET HIM ROUND WITH DISMAL STORIES DO BUT THEMSELVES CONFOUND HIS STRENGTH THE MORE IS NO FOES SHALL STAY HIS MIGHT THOUGH HE WITH GIANTS FIGHT THIS IS A NICE PLACE TO DRAG A BLOKE.
WHY'D YOU WAN TO SEE ME? - AND WHY HERE? - ME?! - DID I WANT TO SEE YOU? - SINCE, LORD, THOU DOEST-- - I GOT A MESSAGE.
--US WITH THY SPIRIT - NOT FROM ME! WE KNOW WE AT THE END SHALL LIFE INHERIT THEN FANCIES FLEE AWAY I'LL FEAR NO WHAT MEN SAY I'LL LABOR NIGHT AND DAY TO BE A PILGRIM HE WHO WOULD VALIANT BE 'GAINST ALL DISASTER LET HIM IN CONSTANCY FOLLOW THE MASTER THERE'S NO DISCOURAGEMENT WHO ON EARTH'S THAT? I'VE NO IDEA.
I'VE NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
( race announcer on TV ) SORRY.
GREAT IDEA OF YOURS, DICKY, TO DRAG ME IN HERE.
- CHEERS.
- CHEERS.
ONSLOW, I DON'T WAN TO BE PERSONAL, BUT-- AT THE CHURCH HALL JUST NOW WASN'T THAT DAISY? - DAISY? - YOUR WIFE? OH, THAT DAISY.
DIDN'T YOU THINK IT WAS FUNNY? I SUPPOSE I DID, REALLY.
I NEVER KNEW SHE LIKED MOTORBIKES.
( theme music playing )