Kevin Can F*** Himself (2021) s01e05 Episode Script
New Patty
Previously on "Kevin
Can [BLEEP] Himself."
- Patty, I can't live without you.
- Oh!
Jenn, this is Allison.
Allison, my wife Jenn.
Patty O'Connor? Detective
Tammy Ridgeway, Worcester PD.
Do you have any idea
what that bust was about?
[GRUNTING]
Do you have any idea why
this car was reported stolen?
Kevin, you called the police?!
What was I s'posed to do?!
I've been tryin' to reach ya all day!
That's the kind of
juvenile crap he does!
And you just watched him and laughed!
I need those pills for him.
'Cause I'm gonna kill Kevin.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
Nah. You're just having a time.
Patty, I'm not "having
a time." I'm serious.
I'm gonna kill him, and I'm
gonna make it look like an OD.
Okay.
What? That's That's
not exactly an insult.
I mean, you're like You're you.
You mean the person who just
saved your ass from two cops?
Yeah, and it's not like you
shot 'em and we're on the lam.
You asked nicely.
Maybe you talk or think
A big game, but come on.
When it really comes down
to it, you're, like
wallpaper.
In the nicest way possible.
Are you mad at me now?
Yes.
No. I just
You're right.
I think I am just having a time.
Oh, shoot.
Can you notice this bruise?
Oh, what? You mean where
the giant trucker fell on you?
Yeah, it shows.
Shoot.
How am I gonna explain this to Kevin?
Allison, you think I'm
walking around wondering
how I'm gonna explain a random
gun in the house to Neil?
No.
I'm gonna bury it in the backyard
so I don't have to explain anything.
Cover it up.
Some criminal mastermind you'd be.
[LAUGHTER]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
JENN: Allison?
- Jenn! Hey!
- Hi!
Hey, girl. How are you?
I'm fine. Fine.
This place is great, right?
Totally. I-I-I love it here.
[CHUCKLES]
That foundation's perfect for you.
It's so good for under-eye circles.
[SNICKERS]
Not that Not that
you need it, of course.
Thank you. [CHUCKLES]
Oh.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Oh. It was so good seeing you.
Let's get coffee soon, okay?
- Sure. Sure. Bye.
- Okay.
Hi. Um
how much is this?
$30.
Are you serious?
Yes.
There's a CVS down the street.
No. That's That's fine.
Um, I will take this.
- Of course.
- Please.
Is there anything else
I can get you, ma'am?
No. That's That's all for today
ma'am.
Oh, come on.
[SIGHS]
[RADIO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
Hey, Kurt.
Hi.
You look perfect.
Oh, yeah. I feel radiant.
Kurt, it's It's Tuesday.
Uh-huh.
Oh. That's cold.
Yeah.
We don't usually hang out on Tuesdays.
No, I know.
I just, uh, I thought
I'd make an exception.
So we could talk.
Okay.
Maybe you got some
thinking done on the road?
About us?
You forgot.
I proposed.
And y-you forgot.
No. No, I did I didn't forget.
I mean
I-I really I mean to think about it.
I did think about it. I just
The truth is, I didn't know why
you had to propose in the first place.
I mean, we've been doing
this for three years,
and it's fine.
It's fine?
Yeah.
It's good, you know?
Nothing was wrong.
I don't know why we should mess it up.
Because I don't want to just stand still
for the rest of my life.
Why not? We both hate exercise.
Patty.
I'm not asking for anything weird.
What I want is normal.
It's what normal people do.
Normal people.
So, I'm not normal because
I want to live my life
the way that I want to?
Look, if this is the way
you want things, then
yeah, I-I you know,
I can't do it anymore.
If we're never gonna get married
No.
We're not.
Then we're done.
Fine.
You know what?
Have fun rotting at Kevin's house.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[LAUGHTER]
Well, this is cozy.
Yeah. It's a tight fit.
Hey, well, what's going on here?
Ah. The women of the hour are here.
Allison, would you be a doll
and sit down for a second?
[LAUGHTER]
Okay.
What is this, Kevin?
Oh, no big deal.
Just got a question.
Just one teeny tiny,
itsy bitsy question.
Did you really think I wouldn't find out
what you two did on your road trip?!
I'm gonna make like a border guard here
and ask if there's anything
you'd like to declare.
- No?
- No?
And boom goes the dynamite!
I found this burger wrapper from Top Dog
laying on the back floor of my car.
You're mad that we left
a wrapper in your car?
Kevin, we found a whole wheel
of cheese under one of the seats.
Hey, that was aging.
Oh, no. This is not about the mess.
This so-called "beauty expo"
that the two of you took
my car to was located in Brattleboro,
yet the nearest Top Dog burger franchise
is located in Burlington.
- Well
- So, what happened then is that
By your own account
You both drove three
full hours out of your way
to eat at Top Dog?
And you didn't bring
a burger back for me?!
- Unforgivable!
- Sacrilege!
The evidence doesn't lie, ladies!
Oh! Kevin!
The burger would have gotten
cold on the drive back.
And that's why I have
a toaster oven, Patty!
Wow. He He caught us.
Yep. Picture of a toaster oven.
Lock us up.
[CHUCKLES] No.
This is not an "us" problem.
You see, Allison doesn't
know squat about fast food,
bless her heart.
She's simple.
She's narrow-minded.
She's right here.
She likes salad.
- Boo.
- Boo.
Allison would never pick
up a burger for anyone.
But you?
You shoulda known better.
The group can't have that.
So, Patty O'Connor, you are hereby
excommunicated.
What that means is that
you are no longer allowed in
- or sometimes near a church
- I know what it means, Pete.
Yeah, well, in this case,
it's the church of Kevin.
This isn't easy on any of us,
but you're free now to start a new gang.
You can take Allison.
Gee, thanks.
- Hey!
- Sorry. Reflex.
And we will move on as well.
This town is flush with Pattys.
It's a buyers' market for Pattys.
Happy shopping.
I know you love a bargain.
You can tell by Allison's wardrobe.
- Hey!
- Sorry. Reflex.
[LAUGHTER]
- I think that went great.
- I think so.
Yeah.
Hey.
What?
You okay?
Yeah. I'm fine. Whatever.
You know he's gonna change
his mind in, like, two minutes.
It's how he is.
I-I don't want him to change his mind.
I don't care.
Okay, well, you know
what would cheer you up?
I said I don't care.
Why don't we do
something stupid tonight?
Why would we do something
if we knew it was stupid?
Because sometimes, stupid can be fun.
We can, like, break
into the community pool
and go swimming, or
we could go to the Seas
and scam drinks off married guys.
I'm gonna go home and
eat a really big burrito.
Have fun.
[SIGHS]
[POT SHATTERS]
[SIGHS]
[GASPS] Jesus Christ.
Don't worry. It's just me.
Yeah, and who the hell are
you? How'd you get in here?
I picked the lock at the back.
You know, this place
has been here forever.
Business must be good.
Yeah. People always need haircuts.
Oh, yeah.
Aunt Cindy just loves your haircuts.
C-Cindy? Cindy is your
Aunt. Yeah. Nice lady.
Real bad pill problem, though.
I've been taking some off her hands.
[CHUCKLES] I'm a family man.
So, if you think about it,
you've kind of been
selling to the both of us.
That's not the deal we had.
Um, what did you think was happening?
That my little old auntie
was throwing back two bottles a week?
[LAUGHS] Come on.
She's got knee issues.
Yeah.
There are plenty of people
with "issues" in this town,
and you've been helping
out a lot of 'em.
Half my friends buy through you.
That That's not possible.
Hey, you didn't ask questions
when your ladies started
to put in bulk orders.
I get that. I do.
Why complicate things?
But if you're gonna dry up
the well all of a sudden,
you gotta answer to
all your real customers.
[BELL JINGLES]
Ah. Detective Ridgeway. Back again.
I'm nothing if not thorough.
I think we covered everything.
Well, that's kind of
for me to say, right?
We're still looking for this dealer,
and I heard some stuff about this area.
You know of any Nick Wyndorff.
You keeping your nose clean?
You bet, Detective Ridgeway.
Just got a nice wash.
Yeah. I don't really
know anything about that.
Maybe it ended with the guy at Fiore's.
No. I think I have a pretty
good lead beyond that.
Oh, good.
Drugs are bad.
And what are you doing next Friday?
Well, I What?
You should come to a work thing with me.
- A work thing?
- Yeah, it'll be, um, fun.
We can hang out, talk some more.
Uh, sure. Yeah. Def Def Yeah.
Uh, that sounds good.
Well, great.
I'm sure I'll be seeing you, Nick.
Nick?
Oh, my God.
Hey, bartender.
Another beer, please?
God, it's like I'm invisible.
If only.
You're like a bumper sticker, Neil.
You're the only one who
doesn't have to look at you.
It's times like this I just
wish that Patty would
Uh, sorry.
I meant to say "She-Devil."
She-Devil was a pain, but
she was useful, you know?
- She was our enforcer.
- Please.
She's like Dad's hips
Utterly replaceable.
Hey, bartender.
Let me get some more buffalo
sauce for my grilled cheese.
Hold up. What have we got here?
My friend.
You just ordered buffalo
sauce for your grilled cheese?
I was unaware that was on the menu.
It's not.
But I don't order from the menu.
Not in here.
Not in life.
Whoa, I think that's deep.
What do you call that little baby?
I call it a Paddy Melt.
My name's Patrick, but
everybody calls me "Paddy."
Paddy Melt.
Patty Paddy.
- Patty, Paddy.
- Come on.
Kevin taketh and the Good Lord giveth.
Sir, why don't you come join us here?
Alright.
Hey, bartender, food, there.
He's very commanding.
I like the cut of your jib, Paddy.
Thank you very much, Kevin.
Did he just guess my name?
[LAUGHTER]
Thank you.
Look, I get it, you're cold.
Well, that's what happens
when it's 20 degrees
and the heat is still broken.
Yeah, well, I thought I could get away
with waiting to fix
the furnace for another week or so.
It's been warm.
Yeah, well, you say that every year.
Ah. Cold does you good.
Keeps you awake.
[BELL CHIMES]
Did I tell you Chuck's been
falling asleep at stop lights?
Yeah.
Hey.
[RADIO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
What are you doing?
Context clues, Allison.
God, I hate vodka.
Well, you got a-a whole
liquor store in here.
It's efficient.
You still excommunicated?
What?
No. I mean, yes.
It's not about that.
Okay.
It's just all this shit, you know?
Why can't we all agree that change sucks
and everything should stay the same?
Well, that's a
That's a losing battle.
You can't put that
toothpaste back in the tube.
Sure you can.
Use a Q-tip.
You know what I mean.
Day Drinking Barbie.
Love it.
Well, watching you work's
making me thirsty, so
Excuse me.
Hey.
I said "excuse me."
Okay, sorry.
When you bump into someone,
you should acknowledge it
and, I don't know, maybe apologize.
Yeah, uh, I just said I'm sorry, okay?
Uppity bitch.
What did you just call
me, you piece of shit?
You said "shit." I'm so proud of you.
All I'm asking for is some decency.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I am so sorry, sir.
Uh It's on the house.
What?
[CLEARS THROAT]
D, that man just bashed into
me and called me a bitch.
Yeah, and I am sorry, but hello?
Is it your first day here?
Last week, I got spit on.
Come on. You know the drill.
We gotta put up with this crap daily.
You're right, D.
Yeah. I know.
We do.
What's this? You just said
you were you were cold.
Oh, oh, oh. No.
Um
I quit.
What?
Uh, Allison, you don't
have to be so dramatic.
[SCOFFS]
Bye, Diane.
Consider this my gold watch.
Sam, I need to talk to you.
Now.
Okay.
I'm not wallpaper.
NICK: Evening.
Jesus Christ.
Never got to finish our
conversation from earlier, so
thought I'd stop by.
I don't know what else
we have to talk about.
Oh.
The pills you owe me, for one.
The town is dry.
It's not my fault.
Oh.
I feel like you must
not have heard of me
if you're taking that sorta tone.
No, I-I've heard of you.
Good.
Your friend Tammy
stopped by my house today.
Right after I saw her at your salon.
I-I didn't do that.
Sure.
Fine.
But
she was asking questions
about a local drug dealer,
someone who maybe
sold before the town
went dry.
Sounds familiar.
So, if you want your friend
Tammy to think that your salon
actually specializes in a good wash,
give me some pills, honey.
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
The way you got up in that
Yankee fan's dumb face?
You scared him outta the bar
without even saying a single word.
You just stared at him.
And pulled out a big-ass knife.
This is exciting. We've never
had a real badass in our crew.
Badass is fresh.
I've been badass for
years. It's nothing new.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Alright. Got an intruder.
Female, 5'7", brown hair,
about 55 to 60 years of age.
That sounds like Patty.
PATTY: I'm 33 and look it!
Let me in!
Can't allow it.
Patty violated my trust,
and the price must be paid.
"You are the weakest link! Goodbye!"
You remember that show?
It was wicked cool.
Alright, Kevin has spoken.
Nobody gets into this house.
Come on, Kevin!
Let me in!
I have Allison's coat.
And a tallboy.
See? Not a trick.
Or a treat, that's for sure.
Kev, you just say the word
and I'll booby-trap
this place soup to nuts.
You're soup to nuts.
You don't need to booby-trap anything.
Paddy, will you please tell Patty
that if Patty has something to
say, Patty can say it to Paddy
and Paddy will tell me what Patty said?
[LAUGHTER]
Uh, I think that means get outta here.
Whatever!
I'll wait in the kitchen for Allison.
That way, you won't
even have to look at me.
Yeah, except we already looked at ya.
- What was that, Neil?
- Nothing. I was talking about Kevin.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
[BOTTLES CLINK]
[PILLS RATTLE]
Wow. That's nice.
I'm sorry. I just It's complicated.
Okay, well, maybe it
doesn't have to be, you know?
Everything's complicated
if you overthink it.
So, maybe instead of going
just straight to guilt,
you could enjoy being stupid for once.
Impulsive.
You're giving me lessons
on being impulsive?
Oh, I am totally unpredictable lately.
I, um
I quit the package store today.
- You did?
- Yeah.
I just I threw down my
smock and I walked out of there.
Wow.
You've been there for, what, 10 years?
I just felt like if I was in
that place for one more second,
I'd literally die.
I'd keel over next
to the rack of Malibu.
On sale for $23.99.
What are you gonna do instead?
Uh, I don't know.
Anything.
That's exciting.
- Very impulsive.
- Yeah.
And obviously, that job
wasn't going anywhere,
and I feel like I need
to keep going, you know?
Although they did pay me.
But it was terrible money.
But it was still money.
It was still steady money.
Oh, my God. What have I done?
There's the Allison I know.
No, I'm serious. What am I gonna do?
- It'll be fine.
- No, I can't have no money.
What am I I'm gonna rely
on my husband for an allowance?
- Jesus Christ.
- Hey, listen, um
I've been hurting for reliable employees
since I opened this place,
and I know you can drop a tray
full of water glasses
with the best of them.
- I've seen it.
- That was one time.
Well?
Are you Are you serious?
You're offering me a job right now?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, it didn't really seem
problematic until just now,
but I just wanted to
impulsively offer a hand.
[RADIO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
I know what you did.
What?
The seat, please.
Interrogate her like I taught you, Kev.
Where are we even gonna
find 40 strobe lights?
In my van.
Where were you tonight, Allison?
At work.
Doing what?
Working?
[SCOFFS]
Do you take me for some
kind of an idiot, Allison?
Did you really think
I would have no idea
what's going on with my own wife?
This is a small town.
It was only a matter of
time until I found out
that you quit the liquor store?!
- The liquor store?
- Yeah! The liquor store!
Diane just called and
told me what happened.
Now, if you'll look at this
board, you'll see see all the
NEIL: Eh, you got the wrong side there.
That's the one you used from earlier.
Just flip it around, Kevin.
Flip it, Kev. There you go. Nice flip.
Thanks, Paddy.
Because of your actions,
we just lost your 10%
discount on alcohol.
So, I took the liberty of
laying out the math for ya.
Uh this is math?
Look at the board and you'll
see all of the things that,
because of your little
tantrum, we can longer afford.
I love when Kev goes
full "Murder, She Wrote."
We do have similar hair.
Kevin, I already got a new job.
Is it at another liquor store?
- No. A diner.
- Gah!
Allison, this all comes
back to one basic concept
Loyalty.
I demand it.
Our marriage demands it.
Kev, you deserve not to have
to think about this stuff.
You know what would
make you feel better?
The doctors say a quadruple bypass.
A relaxing dudes' day
of competitive paintball.
Sir, we'd love nothing more.
Hell yeah.
I'm out.
But, Dad, you love war simulations.
Yeah, you always get so into them.
Those are called flashbacks.
I'm gonna sit this one out,
catch up on my Bible reading.
You wanna read a real Bible,
might wanna check out
"The Da Vinci Code."
[IMITATES EXPLOSION]
Hey.
No one mentioned you were in here.
They probably forgot.
You waiting for me?
What the hell are these, Allison?
What? You went through my pockets?
So not the point.
I got them from the trucker in Vermont.
The one you pistol whipped.
Okay.
You carried them around.
You're actually thinking
about doing this.
I already told you that I was.
- It's not my fault you don't listen.
- Excuse me.
You're the woman who won't speak up
when she doesn't get a slice
of her own birthday cake.
You can't blame me for having
some doubts that you're going
You know I'm dry,
and it's It's created more problems.
Like, murder-y guys guys coming
around my place, threatening me.
Why don't you just give me these, okay?
- Can't.
- No, Allison.
You can't do this.
The thing is, I think I can.
Turns out, I'm actually good at
doing terrible things to people
who deserve what's coming to them.
It's not that hard.
It's just like giving
karma a little push.
And no one deserves
what's coming to them
more than that asshole
in the living room.
And I got the pills, and all I gotta do
is just spike the next disgusting meal
he makes me make for him, and just
Just watch his breathing
slow down until it stops.
And then I'm free, Patty.
Okay.
Maybe that's true.
Maybe you could go through with it.
- I'm telling you, I can.
- Okay, you can go through with it.
But are you really sure that it'll work?
Because you better be.
You better know beyond a doubt
that he's not gonna wake up the next day
wondering why the hell he passed out
and pissed himself after
eating what you fed him.
Well
that should be enough.
Should?
Allison, this is Kevin
we're talking about.
The guy who drank a pint of
moonshine on Christmas Eve,
then woke up for kegs
and eggs on Christmas Day.
He's a tank.
This whole thing
This plan it's dangerous.
And not just for you.
Hear me out for a sec.
Kevin's got a very public
grudge against me right now.
That's motive.
I got the cops coming in and
out of the salon every other day
asking about the "local
dealer" who's been selling
Who's been selling Oxys to the town.
Maybe you don't give a shit.
Maybe you don't have a conscience
when it comes to Kevin anymore.
But try and have one
when it comes to me.
Please.
Please.
It's gonna be fine.
Okay?
- It's all gonna be fine.
- [PILLS RATTLE]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
Oh, God.
[RADIO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
PATTY: Kurt?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[SIGHS]
- Hey!
- Patty.
- Kurt, hi.
- What are you doing?
- I need to talk to you.
- Okay?
I know I was being real stupid earlier,
letting this end.
I was just scared, you know?
I mean, you're You're the best.
Solid, steady.
That's what I want.
Forever.
So, let's do this.
Let's get married.
I made a huge mistake.
I don't think you did.
What are you talking about? I-I
Kevin called me.
Kevin?
Yeah.
He, uh, wanted me to know
"the kind of lady I was with."
Said you couldn't be trusted,
and that you went behind his back and
Oh, my God. Kurt, he's a Goddamn idiot.
I mean, he's just mad that I
didn't bring him a burger back
from when Allison and
I went on our trip. It's nothing.
Yeah, I-I know what it was about.
He told me.
And I know he's an idiot.
I mean, I've been telling
you that for years.
But
when he was telling me what happened,
I realized you obviously
never went to a beauty expo.
I Googled it, and there
aren't even any beauty expos
in Vermont.
And I guess I really don't
care where you actually went.
Maybe it has something to do
with the cop that was stopping
by the pharmacy, asking
questions about you.
I have no idea.
But that's the thing that got me.
I have no idea.
Not where you were,
not what you might
be doing with Allison.
Like, none.
We've been sitting next to each other
for the last three years,
and, uh, I don't think
I know you at all.
So, just
[LAUGHS]
Frickin' Revelations.
So, how did playing paintball
go with Travis Bickle?
First of all, the "paintball course"
was the parking lot of a Walmart.
Paddy would just shoot anyone
who didn't put their cart away.
Yeah, and he shot me whenever
his little heart desired,
which it desired a lot.
That's a "P," man.
He basically branded me.
He's a psycho.
With excellent aim.
Alright, who's gonna tell
this unhinged marksman
to hit the bricks?
[LAUGHTER]
We're in a bit of a jam here.
No! No!
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
And remember, it has to
be a real smash burger.
Chili, extra cheese.
And none of your fancy cheese, okay?
Just terrible yellow American.
SAM: I know how to make
a burger, thank you.
Okay.
You ready to start the new chapter
of your career next week?
The Bev's Diner Chapter?
Absolutely.
Expect my whole life to change.
Uh, is that burning, Sam?
Oh, shit.
Ah.
So, why do you have me
re-creating a Top Dog burger?
[LAUGHTER]
Look, Kev.
Is that a Top Dog burger?
- Where'd you get that?
- Oh, I'm not sure.
Someone left it on the
back stoop with a note
that just said "I'm sorry."
Who could it have been?
Let me think this through.
Who in my life needs to apologize to me?
- Probably Patty.
- Yeah, it's gotta be Patty.
Um, Patty does make the most sense.
No, no, no. Paddy's right here.
Alright, this sounds
insane, but hear me out.
I bet it's Patty.
[LAUGHTER]
Solid work, Kev.
So, Patty drove all
the way back to Top Dog
just to make up for her act of betrayal?
Noble.
Hey, there, little buddy.
In a matter of moments,
you're about to go from
outside me to inside me.
You step back, She-Devil!
You are banned from the premises!
Bro, you gotta calm down.
You're way too intense.
Too intense? What, are you kidding me?
My intensity is what makes
me an ideal upgrade from you!
Ain't that right, my guys?
[LAUGHTER]
Clearly, they agree with me.
Oh, yeah, right. And they're
just too nice to tell me?
Absolutely not. They're too scared.
Scared?
[LAUGHTER]
Kev, that's not how you feel, is it?
I try not to start any
statements with "I feel."
It's too soft.
Paddy, you're terrifying.
I'm very afraid of you, and I'm huge.
TOGETHER: Sorry.
No.
No, I'm sorry, alright?
I never wanted to make
anybody feel uncomfortable.
I think I should leave.
It's probably for the best.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
- Paddy, wait
- No, no, no.
My parole's getting revoked anyway
'cause of what I did
to that mannequin, so
What'd you do to that mannequin?
You're sweet.
Well, guess I'll see y'all
in around five to seven years!
[LAUGHTER]
That was amazing.
You stood up to him like nobody else.
Yeah, you really saved our necks there.
Too bad this didn't happen yesterday.
You could have really saved Neil's neck.
Oh.
It's very purple.
Which is a good thing.
It means the bruise is getting air.
I'm impressed.
You really showed
you've got what it takes.
I like the cut
of your jib.
Thanks.
Welcome back to the group.
And thanks for the burger.
What burger?
Okay. I get it.
You don't know anything
about the Top Dog burger
that just happened to be on
my stoop with an apology note.
Alright. This is gonna
happen in two bites.
You ready?
Maybe it would've worked, but
Maybe.
Yeah, maybe isn't good enough, I guess.
So, just take 'em if
you think it'll help.
Half the problem, for sure.
Though I don't think
it does me any favors
with Detective Ridgeway.
[SIGHS]
Thanks, though.
Don't think this is me
changing my mind, though,
'cause I-I can't.
Okay. [SIGHS]
I get it.
He's a manipulative dick.
Once you see it, you
can't un-see it, you know?
Yep.
But you do realize that
we got pulled over together
out of state.
We assaulted a trucker together.
You made me an accomplice
without telling me.
If you get caught, I go down, too.
I'll end up rotting away in prison
because you roped me into this mess.
Or because you're an evil drug dealer.
That was a joke.
No. Shut up.
Okay.
Detective Ridgeway is
looking for the local dealer.
Yeah. You.
So, maybe
we give her somebody different.
If Kevin
is going to die.
Yes.
Okay.
So, maybe instead of in
some quiet, small way,
it's big and violent and surrounded
by certain drug-dealing stuff
Who's to say he wasn't
selling to the town?
That's an idea.
That's a good idea.
You think I can pull
off big and violent?
No. Allison, look at your coat.
We'd obviously need to outsource.
Okay.
Well, um
you know any natural-born killers?
I think I might.
Can [BLEEP] Himself."
- Patty, I can't live without you.
- Oh!
Jenn, this is Allison.
Allison, my wife Jenn.
Patty O'Connor? Detective
Tammy Ridgeway, Worcester PD.
Do you have any idea
what that bust was about?
[GRUNTING]
Do you have any idea why
this car was reported stolen?
Kevin, you called the police?!
What was I s'posed to do?!
I've been tryin' to reach ya all day!
That's the kind of
juvenile crap he does!
And you just watched him and laughed!
I need those pills for him.
'Cause I'm gonna kill Kevin.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
Nah. You're just having a time.
Patty, I'm not "having
a time." I'm serious.
I'm gonna kill him, and I'm
gonna make it look like an OD.
Okay.
What? That's That's
not exactly an insult.
I mean, you're like You're you.
You mean the person who just
saved your ass from two cops?
Yeah, and it's not like you
shot 'em and we're on the lam.
You asked nicely.
Maybe you talk or think
A big game, but come on.
When it really comes down
to it, you're, like
wallpaper.
In the nicest way possible.
Are you mad at me now?
Yes.
No. I just
You're right.
I think I am just having a time.
Oh, shoot.
Can you notice this bruise?
Oh, what? You mean where
the giant trucker fell on you?
Yeah, it shows.
Shoot.
How am I gonna explain this to Kevin?
Allison, you think I'm
walking around wondering
how I'm gonna explain a random
gun in the house to Neil?
No.
I'm gonna bury it in the backyard
so I don't have to explain anything.
Cover it up.
Some criminal mastermind you'd be.
[LAUGHTER]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
JENN: Allison?
- Jenn! Hey!
- Hi!
Hey, girl. How are you?
I'm fine. Fine.
This place is great, right?
Totally. I-I-I love it here.
[CHUCKLES]
That foundation's perfect for you.
It's so good for under-eye circles.
[SNICKERS]
Not that Not that
you need it, of course.
Thank you. [CHUCKLES]
Oh.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Oh. It was so good seeing you.
Let's get coffee soon, okay?
- Sure. Sure. Bye.
- Okay.
Hi. Um
how much is this?
$30.
Are you serious?
Yes.
There's a CVS down the street.
No. That's That's fine.
Um, I will take this.
- Of course.
- Please.
Is there anything else
I can get you, ma'am?
No. That's That's all for today
ma'am.
Oh, come on.
[SIGHS]
[RADIO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
Hey, Kurt.
Hi.
You look perfect.
Oh, yeah. I feel radiant.
Kurt, it's It's Tuesday.
Uh-huh.
Oh. That's cold.
Yeah.
We don't usually hang out on Tuesdays.
No, I know.
I just, uh, I thought
I'd make an exception.
So we could talk.
Okay.
Maybe you got some
thinking done on the road?
About us?
You forgot.
I proposed.
And y-you forgot.
No. No, I did I didn't forget.
I mean
I-I really I mean to think about it.
I did think about it. I just
The truth is, I didn't know why
you had to propose in the first place.
I mean, we've been doing
this for three years,
and it's fine.
It's fine?
Yeah.
It's good, you know?
Nothing was wrong.
I don't know why we should mess it up.
Because I don't want to just stand still
for the rest of my life.
Why not? We both hate exercise.
Patty.
I'm not asking for anything weird.
What I want is normal.
It's what normal people do.
Normal people.
So, I'm not normal because
I want to live my life
the way that I want to?
Look, if this is the way
you want things, then
yeah, I-I you know,
I can't do it anymore.
If we're never gonna get married
No.
We're not.
Then we're done.
Fine.
You know what?
Have fun rotting at Kevin's house.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[LAUGHTER]
Well, this is cozy.
Yeah. It's a tight fit.
Hey, well, what's going on here?
Ah. The women of the hour are here.
Allison, would you be a doll
and sit down for a second?
[LAUGHTER]
Okay.
What is this, Kevin?
Oh, no big deal.
Just got a question.
Just one teeny tiny,
itsy bitsy question.
Did you really think I wouldn't find out
what you two did on your road trip?!
I'm gonna make like a border guard here
and ask if there's anything
you'd like to declare.
- No?
- No?
And boom goes the dynamite!
I found this burger wrapper from Top Dog
laying on the back floor of my car.
You're mad that we left
a wrapper in your car?
Kevin, we found a whole wheel
of cheese under one of the seats.
Hey, that was aging.
Oh, no. This is not about the mess.
This so-called "beauty expo"
that the two of you took
my car to was located in Brattleboro,
yet the nearest Top Dog burger franchise
is located in Burlington.
- Well
- So, what happened then is that
By your own account
You both drove three
full hours out of your way
to eat at Top Dog?
And you didn't bring
a burger back for me?!
- Unforgivable!
- Sacrilege!
The evidence doesn't lie, ladies!
Oh! Kevin!
The burger would have gotten
cold on the drive back.
And that's why I have
a toaster oven, Patty!
Wow. He He caught us.
Yep. Picture of a toaster oven.
Lock us up.
[CHUCKLES] No.
This is not an "us" problem.
You see, Allison doesn't
know squat about fast food,
bless her heart.
She's simple.
She's narrow-minded.
She's right here.
She likes salad.
- Boo.
- Boo.
Allison would never pick
up a burger for anyone.
But you?
You shoulda known better.
The group can't have that.
So, Patty O'Connor, you are hereby
excommunicated.
What that means is that
you are no longer allowed in
- or sometimes near a church
- I know what it means, Pete.
Yeah, well, in this case,
it's the church of Kevin.
This isn't easy on any of us,
but you're free now to start a new gang.
You can take Allison.
Gee, thanks.
- Hey!
- Sorry. Reflex.
And we will move on as well.
This town is flush with Pattys.
It's a buyers' market for Pattys.
Happy shopping.
I know you love a bargain.
You can tell by Allison's wardrobe.
- Hey!
- Sorry. Reflex.
[LAUGHTER]
- I think that went great.
- I think so.
Yeah.
Hey.
What?
You okay?
Yeah. I'm fine. Whatever.
You know he's gonna change
his mind in, like, two minutes.
It's how he is.
I-I don't want him to change his mind.
I don't care.
Okay, well, you know
what would cheer you up?
I said I don't care.
Why don't we do
something stupid tonight?
Why would we do something
if we knew it was stupid?
Because sometimes, stupid can be fun.
We can, like, break
into the community pool
and go swimming, or
we could go to the Seas
and scam drinks off married guys.
I'm gonna go home and
eat a really big burrito.
Have fun.
[SIGHS]
[POT SHATTERS]
[SIGHS]
[GASPS] Jesus Christ.
Don't worry. It's just me.
Yeah, and who the hell are
you? How'd you get in here?
I picked the lock at the back.
You know, this place
has been here forever.
Business must be good.
Yeah. People always need haircuts.
Oh, yeah.
Aunt Cindy just loves your haircuts.
C-Cindy? Cindy is your
Aunt. Yeah. Nice lady.
Real bad pill problem, though.
I've been taking some off her hands.
[CHUCKLES] I'm a family man.
So, if you think about it,
you've kind of been
selling to the both of us.
That's not the deal we had.
Um, what did you think was happening?
That my little old auntie
was throwing back two bottles a week?
[LAUGHS] Come on.
She's got knee issues.
Yeah.
There are plenty of people
with "issues" in this town,
and you've been helping
out a lot of 'em.
Half my friends buy through you.
That That's not possible.
Hey, you didn't ask questions
when your ladies started
to put in bulk orders.
I get that. I do.
Why complicate things?
But if you're gonna dry up
the well all of a sudden,
you gotta answer to
all your real customers.
[BELL JINGLES]
Ah. Detective Ridgeway. Back again.
I'm nothing if not thorough.
I think we covered everything.
Well, that's kind of
for me to say, right?
We're still looking for this dealer,
and I heard some stuff about this area.
You know of any Nick Wyndorff.
You keeping your nose clean?
You bet, Detective Ridgeway.
Just got a nice wash.
Yeah. I don't really
know anything about that.
Maybe it ended with the guy at Fiore's.
No. I think I have a pretty
good lead beyond that.
Oh, good.
Drugs are bad.
And what are you doing next Friday?
Well, I What?
You should come to a work thing with me.
- A work thing?
- Yeah, it'll be, um, fun.
We can hang out, talk some more.
Uh, sure. Yeah. Def Def Yeah.
Uh, that sounds good.
Well, great.
I'm sure I'll be seeing you, Nick.
Nick?
Oh, my God.
Hey, bartender.
Another beer, please?
God, it's like I'm invisible.
If only.
You're like a bumper sticker, Neil.
You're the only one who
doesn't have to look at you.
It's times like this I just
wish that Patty would
Uh, sorry.
I meant to say "She-Devil."
She-Devil was a pain, but
she was useful, you know?
- She was our enforcer.
- Please.
She's like Dad's hips
Utterly replaceable.
Hey, bartender.
Let me get some more buffalo
sauce for my grilled cheese.
Hold up. What have we got here?
My friend.
You just ordered buffalo
sauce for your grilled cheese?
I was unaware that was on the menu.
It's not.
But I don't order from the menu.
Not in here.
Not in life.
Whoa, I think that's deep.
What do you call that little baby?
I call it a Paddy Melt.
My name's Patrick, but
everybody calls me "Paddy."
Paddy Melt.
Patty Paddy.
- Patty, Paddy.
- Come on.
Kevin taketh and the Good Lord giveth.
Sir, why don't you come join us here?
Alright.
Hey, bartender, food, there.
He's very commanding.
I like the cut of your jib, Paddy.
Thank you very much, Kevin.
Did he just guess my name?
[LAUGHTER]
Thank you.
Look, I get it, you're cold.
Well, that's what happens
when it's 20 degrees
and the heat is still broken.
Yeah, well, I thought I could get away
with waiting to fix
the furnace for another week or so.
It's been warm.
Yeah, well, you say that every year.
Ah. Cold does you good.
Keeps you awake.
[BELL CHIMES]
Did I tell you Chuck's been
falling asleep at stop lights?
Yeah.
Hey.
[RADIO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
What are you doing?
Context clues, Allison.
God, I hate vodka.
Well, you got a-a whole
liquor store in here.
It's efficient.
You still excommunicated?
What?
No. I mean, yes.
It's not about that.
Okay.
It's just all this shit, you know?
Why can't we all agree that change sucks
and everything should stay the same?
Well, that's a
That's a losing battle.
You can't put that
toothpaste back in the tube.
Sure you can.
Use a Q-tip.
You know what I mean.
Day Drinking Barbie.
Love it.
Well, watching you work's
making me thirsty, so
Excuse me.
Hey.
I said "excuse me."
Okay, sorry.
When you bump into someone,
you should acknowledge it
and, I don't know, maybe apologize.
Yeah, uh, I just said I'm sorry, okay?
Uppity bitch.
What did you just call
me, you piece of shit?
You said "shit." I'm so proud of you.
All I'm asking for is some decency.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I am so sorry, sir.
Uh It's on the house.
What?
[CLEARS THROAT]
D, that man just bashed into
me and called me a bitch.
Yeah, and I am sorry, but hello?
Is it your first day here?
Last week, I got spit on.
Come on. You know the drill.
We gotta put up with this crap daily.
You're right, D.
Yeah. I know.
We do.
What's this? You just said
you were you were cold.
Oh, oh, oh. No.
Um
I quit.
What?
Uh, Allison, you don't
have to be so dramatic.
[SCOFFS]
Bye, Diane.
Consider this my gold watch.
Sam, I need to talk to you.
Now.
Okay.
I'm not wallpaper.
NICK: Evening.
Jesus Christ.
Never got to finish our
conversation from earlier, so
thought I'd stop by.
I don't know what else
we have to talk about.
Oh.
The pills you owe me, for one.
The town is dry.
It's not my fault.
Oh.
I feel like you must
not have heard of me
if you're taking that sorta tone.
No, I-I've heard of you.
Good.
Your friend Tammy
stopped by my house today.
Right after I saw her at your salon.
I-I didn't do that.
Sure.
Fine.
But
she was asking questions
about a local drug dealer,
someone who maybe
sold before the town
went dry.
Sounds familiar.
So, if you want your friend
Tammy to think that your salon
actually specializes in a good wash,
give me some pills, honey.
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
The way you got up in that
Yankee fan's dumb face?
You scared him outta the bar
without even saying a single word.
You just stared at him.
And pulled out a big-ass knife.
This is exciting. We've never
had a real badass in our crew.
Badass is fresh.
I've been badass for
years. It's nothing new.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Alright. Got an intruder.
Female, 5'7", brown hair,
about 55 to 60 years of age.
That sounds like Patty.
PATTY: I'm 33 and look it!
Let me in!
Can't allow it.
Patty violated my trust,
and the price must be paid.
"You are the weakest link! Goodbye!"
You remember that show?
It was wicked cool.
Alright, Kevin has spoken.
Nobody gets into this house.
Come on, Kevin!
Let me in!
I have Allison's coat.
And a tallboy.
See? Not a trick.
Or a treat, that's for sure.
Kev, you just say the word
and I'll booby-trap
this place soup to nuts.
You're soup to nuts.
You don't need to booby-trap anything.
Paddy, will you please tell Patty
that if Patty has something to
say, Patty can say it to Paddy
and Paddy will tell me what Patty said?
[LAUGHTER]
Uh, I think that means get outta here.
Whatever!
I'll wait in the kitchen for Allison.
That way, you won't
even have to look at me.
Yeah, except we already looked at ya.
- What was that, Neil?
- Nothing. I was talking about Kevin.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
[BOTTLES CLINK]
[PILLS RATTLE]
Wow. That's nice.
I'm sorry. I just It's complicated.
Okay, well, maybe it
doesn't have to be, you know?
Everything's complicated
if you overthink it.
So, maybe instead of going
just straight to guilt,
you could enjoy being stupid for once.
Impulsive.
You're giving me lessons
on being impulsive?
Oh, I am totally unpredictable lately.
I, um
I quit the package store today.
- You did?
- Yeah.
I just I threw down my
smock and I walked out of there.
Wow.
You've been there for, what, 10 years?
I just felt like if I was in
that place for one more second,
I'd literally die.
I'd keel over next
to the rack of Malibu.
On sale for $23.99.
What are you gonna do instead?
Uh, I don't know.
Anything.
That's exciting.
- Very impulsive.
- Yeah.
And obviously, that job
wasn't going anywhere,
and I feel like I need
to keep going, you know?
Although they did pay me.
But it was terrible money.
But it was still money.
It was still steady money.
Oh, my God. What have I done?
There's the Allison I know.
No, I'm serious. What am I gonna do?
- It'll be fine.
- No, I can't have no money.
What am I I'm gonna rely
on my husband for an allowance?
- Jesus Christ.
- Hey, listen, um
I've been hurting for reliable employees
since I opened this place,
and I know you can drop a tray
full of water glasses
with the best of them.
- I've seen it.
- That was one time.
Well?
Are you Are you serious?
You're offering me a job right now?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, it didn't really seem
problematic until just now,
but I just wanted to
impulsively offer a hand.
[RADIO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
I know what you did.
What?
The seat, please.
Interrogate her like I taught you, Kev.
Where are we even gonna
find 40 strobe lights?
In my van.
Where were you tonight, Allison?
At work.
Doing what?
Working?
[SCOFFS]
Do you take me for some
kind of an idiot, Allison?
Did you really think
I would have no idea
what's going on with my own wife?
This is a small town.
It was only a matter of
time until I found out
that you quit the liquor store?!
- The liquor store?
- Yeah! The liquor store!
Diane just called and
told me what happened.
Now, if you'll look at this
board, you'll see see all the
NEIL: Eh, you got the wrong side there.
That's the one you used from earlier.
Just flip it around, Kevin.
Flip it, Kev. There you go. Nice flip.
Thanks, Paddy.
Because of your actions,
we just lost your 10%
discount on alcohol.
So, I took the liberty of
laying out the math for ya.
Uh this is math?
Look at the board and you'll
see all of the things that,
because of your little
tantrum, we can longer afford.
I love when Kev goes
full "Murder, She Wrote."
We do have similar hair.
Kevin, I already got a new job.
Is it at another liquor store?
- No. A diner.
- Gah!
Allison, this all comes
back to one basic concept
Loyalty.
I demand it.
Our marriage demands it.
Kev, you deserve not to have
to think about this stuff.
You know what would
make you feel better?
The doctors say a quadruple bypass.
A relaxing dudes' day
of competitive paintball.
Sir, we'd love nothing more.
Hell yeah.
I'm out.
But, Dad, you love war simulations.
Yeah, you always get so into them.
Those are called flashbacks.
I'm gonna sit this one out,
catch up on my Bible reading.
You wanna read a real Bible,
might wanna check out
"The Da Vinci Code."
[IMITATES EXPLOSION]
Hey.
No one mentioned you were in here.
They probably forgot.
You waiting for me?
What the hell are these, Allison?
What? You went through my pockets?
So not the point.
I got them from the trucker in Vermont.
The one you pistol whipped.
Okay.
You carried them around.
You're actually thinking
about doing this.
I already told you that I was.
- It's not my fault you don't listen.
- Excuse me.
You're the woman who won't speak up
when she doesn't get a slice
of her own birthday cake.
You can't blame me for having
some doubts that you're going
You know I'm dry,
and it's It's created more problems.
Like, murder-y guys guys coming
around my place, threatening me.
Why don't you just give me these, okay?
- Can't.
- No, Allison.
You can't do this.
The thing is, I think I can.
Turns out, I'm actually good at
doing terrible things to people
who deserve what's coming to them.
It's not that hard.
It's just like giving
karma a little push.
And no one deserves
what's coming to them
more than that asshole
in the living room.
And I got the pills, and all I gotta do
is just spike the next disgusting meal
he makes me make for him, and just
Just watch his breathing
slow down until it stops.
And then I'm free, Patty.
Okay.
Maybe that's true.
Maybe you could go through with it.
- I'm telling you, I can.
- Okay, you can go through with it.
But are you really sure that it'll work?
Because you better be.
You better know beyond a doubt
that he's not gonna wake up the next day
wondering why the hell he passed out
and pissed himself after
eating what you fed him.
Well
that should be enough.
Should?
Allison, this is Kevin
we're talking about.
The guy who drank a pint of
moonshine on Christmas Eve,
then woke up for kegs
and eggs on Christmas Day.
He's a tank.
This whole thing
This plan it's dangerous.
And not just for you.
Hear me out for a sec.
Kevin's got a very public
grudge against me right now.
That's motive.
I got the cops coming in and
out of the salon every other day
asking about the "local
dealer" who's been selling
Who's been selling Oxys to the town.
Maybe you don't give a shit.
Maybe you don't have a conscience
when it comes to Kevin anymore.
But try and have one
when it comes to me.
Please.
Please.
It's gonna be fine.
Okay?
- It's all gonna be fine.
- [PILLS RATTLE]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
Oh, God.
[RADIO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
PATTY: Kurt?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[SIGHS]
- Hey!
- Patty.
- Kurt, hi.
- What are you doing?
- I need to talk to you.
- Okay?
I know I was being real stupid earlier,
letting this end.
I was just scared, you know?
I mean, you're You're the best.
Solid, steady.
That's what I want.
Forever.
So, let's do this.
Let's get married.
I made a huge mistake.
I don't think you did.
What are you talking about? I-I
Kevin called me.
Kevin?
Yeah.
He, uh, wanted me to know
"the kind of lady I was with."
Said you couldn't be trusted,
and that you went behind his back and
Oh, my God. Kurt, he's a Goddamn idiot.
I mean, he's just mad that I
didn't bring him a burger back
from when Allison and
I went on our trip. It's nothing.
Yeah, I-I know what it was about.
He told me.
And I know he's an idiot.
I mean, I've been telling
you that for years.
But
when he was telling me what happened,
I realized you obviously
never went to a beauty expo.
I Googled it, and there
aren't even any beauty expos
in Vermont.
And I guess I really don't
care where you actually went.
Maybe it has something to do
with the cop that was stopping
by the pharmacy, asking
questions about you.
I have no idea.
But that's the thing that got me.
I have no idea.
Not where you were,
not what you might
be doing with Allison.
Like, none.
We've been sitting next to each other
for the last three years,
and, uh, I don't think
I know you at all.
So, just
[LAUGHS]
Frickin' Revelations.
So, how did playing paintball
go with Travis Bickle?
First of all, the "paintball course"
was the parking lot of a Walmart.
Paddy would just shoot anyone
who didn't put their cart away.
Yeah, and he shot me whenever
his little heart desired,
which it desired a lot.
That's a "P," man.
He basically branded me.
He's a psycho.
With excellent aim.
Alright, who's gonna tell
this unhinged marksman
to hit the bricks?
[LAUGHTER]
We're in a bit of a jam here.
No! No!
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
And remember, it has to
be a real smash burger.
Chili, extra cheese.
And none of your fancy cheese, okay?
Just terrible yellow American.
SAM: I know how to make
a burger, thank you.
Okay.
You ready to start the new chapter
of your career next week?
The Bev's Diner Chapter?
Absolutely.
Expect my whole life to change.
Uh, is that burning, Sam?
Oh, shit.
Ah.
So, why do you have me
re-creating a Top Dog burger?
[LAUGHTER]
Look, Kev.
Is that a Top Dog burger?
- Where'd you get that?
- Oh, I'm not sure.
Someone left it on the
back stoop with a note
that just said "I'm sorry."
Who could it have been?
Let me think this through.
Who in my life needs to apologize to me?
- Probably Patty.
- Yeah, it's gotta be Patty.
Um, Patty does make the most sense.
No, no, no. Paddy's right here.
Alright, this sounds
insane, but hear me out.
I bet it's Patty.
[LAUGHTER]
Solid work, Kev.
So, Patty drove all
the way back to Top Dog
just to make up for her act of betrayal?
Noble.
Hey, there, little buddy.
In a matter of moments,
you're about to go from
outside me to inside me.
You step back, She-Devil!
You are banned from the premises!
Bro, you gotta calm down.
You're way too intense.
Too intense? What, are you kidding me?
My intensity is what makes
me an ideal upgrade from you!
Ain't that right, my guys?
[LAUGHTER]
Clearly, they agree with me.
Oh, yeah, right. And they're
just too nice to tell me?
Absolutely not. They're too scared.
Scared?
[LAUGHTER]
Kev, that's not how you feel, is it?
I try not to start any
statements with "I feel."
It's too soft.
Paddy, you're terrifying.
I'm very afraid of you, and I'm huge.
TOGETHER: Sorry.
No.
No, I'm sorry, alright?
I never wanted to make
anybody feel uncomfortable.
I think I should leave.
It's probably for the best.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
- Paddy, wait
- No, no, no.
My parole's getting revoked anyway
'cause of what I did
to that mannequin, so
What'd you do to that mannequin?
You're sweet.
Well, guess I'll see y'all
in around five to seven years!
[LAUGHTER]
That was amazing.
You stood up to him like nobody else.
Yeah, you really saved our necks there.
Too bad this didn't happen yesterday.
You could have really saved Neil's neck.
Oh.
It's very purple.
Which is a good thing.
It means the bruise is getting air.
I'm impressed.
You really showed
you've got what it takes.
I like the cut
of your jib.
Thanks.
Welcome back to the group.
And thanks for the burger.
What burger?
Okay. I get it.
You don't know anything
about the Top Dog burger
that just happened to be on
my stoop with an apology note.
Alright. This is gonna
happen in two bites.
You ready?
Maybe it would've worked, but
Maybe.
Yeah, maybe isn't good enough, I guess.
So, just take 'em if
you think it'll help.
Half the problem, for sure.
Though I don't think
it does me any favors
with Detective Ridgeway.
[SIGHS]
Thanks, though.
Don't think this is me
changing my mind, though,
'cause I-I can't.
Okay. [SIGHS]
I get it.
He's a manipulative dick.
Once you see it, you
can't un-see it, you know?
Yep.
But you do realize that
we got pulled over together
out of state.
We assaulted a trucker together.
You made me an accomplice
without telling me.
If you get caught, I go down, too.
I'll end up rotting away in prison
because you roped me into this mess.
Or because you're an evil drug dealer.
That was a joke.
No. Shut up.
Okay.
Detective Ridgeway is
looking for the local dealer.
Yeah. You.
So, maybe
we give her somebody different.
If Kevin
is going to die.
Yes.
Okay.
So, maybe instead of in
some quiet, small way,
it's big and violent and surrounded
by certain drug-dealing stuff
Who's to say he wasn't
selling to the town?
That's an idea.
That's a good idea.
You think I can pull
off big and violent?
No. Allison, look at your coat.
We'd obviously need to outsource.
Okay.
Well, um
you know any natural-born killers?
I think I might.