Kolchak: The Night Stalker (1974) s01e05 Episode Script
The Werewolf
Admittedly, the story you are about to read is bizarre, incredible.
Those of you who wish to avoid being unsettled, who wish to avoid thinking will label it insane.
And though you, the reader, would find these facts almost impossible to substantiate, that does not change their nature.
Facts they are, I know.
I saw them happen.
Yellowstone County, Montana, December 11.
Horrified local authorities investigated the gruesome deaths of four area residents- the Rockwell family- mother, father and two children.
All had been discovered strewn around their isolated farm their bodies mutilated.
An official coroner's report stated they had been dead three days.
Cause of death? Attacked by wolves.
Fact: The last sighting of a wolf in Yellowstone County occurred in 1948.
Fact: In the entire history of this continent, there has never been one documented case of attack by wolves on a human being.
That year, Chicago was having one of its worst winters in history, but Christmas was merry.
Our office even had a party.
The first since Lindbergh soloed the Atlantic.
The festivities were the idea of Edith Cowles, our office mother and founder of my favorite riddle column.
The Asian flu had decimated our staff, but the party had accomplished its end, that ofbidding a fond adieu and bon voyage to Tony Vincenzo, who was finally taking a long-awaited vacation Aboard the cruise ship Hanover.
He wasn't paying for the cruise, of course.
He had wangled it as his own feature story, and the New York office was picking up the tab.
No, no, no, that's in the office next door.
Will you shut up a minute? Shh.
Tony.
Hello, sir.
No, it's not him, sir.
One moment, I'll put him on.
What is it? It's New York.
Will you get on the phone? Oh, oh.
It's for you.
Hurry up! Okay.
You got it, Tony? Okay.
You gonna take it home? Oh.
Well, what time are they gonna get here? What day? A watch.
A wristwatch.
Oh, I don't think so.
But I've had this planned months ago.
Well, doesn't anybody there consider the fact that I haven't had- What? You can't understand? Wait a minute.
Doesn't anybody there consider the fact that I haven't had a vacation in five years? Shh.
They want me to pick them up at the airport? Boy, that's gall for you.
That was the same airport I was gonna leave from.
He certainly doesn't look like Old Nick now, does he? Now look.
Couldn't I have the flu? Couldn't you tell them that I'm sick? Look, I need this vacation.
J- Just tell 'em I'm sick.
I'm already packed and ready to go! Uh-oh.
Kolchak! - Yes, sir.
- How's that flu of yours? - Oh, bugs never get me, sir.
- Oh, I thought I heard you mention something about a temperature, a queasy stomach or something the other day.
Me? Yeah.
No, no, no, never.
- How come you never get sick, Kolchak? - I must live right, sir.
Ron.
Hey, you look pretty good, Ron.
How do you feel? What's this? My column.
I'd like you to look it over so I can get outta here.
At 10:00 in the morning.
Where're you going? The doctor, if you don't mind.
I think I'm getting sick.
Well, how about all those megavitamins you've been taking, and the massive doses of Vitamin "C"? They're making me sick.
How would one-week, all-paid-expense cruise on the Hanover make you feel? Worse.
I have a bad time with seasickness.
Everything makes you sick, doesn't it? Seasick.
Airsick.
Don't drive your car more than 30 miles an hour.
You know, a reporter has to travel, Ron.
Please, I would like to go to the doctor.
Go.
Go.
Only don't let them put you in a wheelchair.
You'll probably start bleeding from the ears.
Okay, okay, Kolchak.
You got it.
You win.
Aw, Tony, I'm sorry about that.
You had this vacation all planned.
It was gonna be such a good time.
And here we bought you this lovely plantation hat for a Christmas present.
Yeah, they're coming.
I'm sorry.
I didn't hear you.
What did you say? They're coming.
That's what I said.
- The British? - The accountants.
And some big macher from New York.
Oh, no.
Oh, Tony, that's terrible.
Oh, that's awful.
The books are in shape for an audit, aren't they? - There's the plane tickets.
- Plane tickets.
Tickets for the boat.
- And expense money.
- Expense money? Uh- Uh- Don't get the idea you're going on a vacation.
I wanna see these stories.
I want them to be incisive, thought-provoking.
This is billed as a swinging singles cruise, and I wanna see this trip laid bare.
Their pretensions, the expenses, the heartbreak - and the joy if there is any.
- Joy.
Then, of course, there's, uh, the ship itself, the Hanover.
Now, she's headed for the scrap heap.
This is her last trip.
Why don't you do a couple of pieces with a- with a nostalgic flavor, you know? Why am I telling you all this? You're supposed to be a professional.
Now look, don't go bananas, Kolchak.
Just some nice simple stories about people on a boat, huh? Sure, Tony.
Sure, sure.
Are we gonna get any riddles today, Miss Cowles? The Hanover had been built in the early '30s.
A floating anachronism, 900 feet long, she could sleep 2,000.
Considered by many to be the grandest lady to have ever sailed the seas she had outraced U-boats, fought off dive-bombers and weathered the wildest of parties.
But she had not weathered the airlines.
The 747 had condemned her to death.
Mm.
Hi, man, how are ya? Oh, I- Hey, put 'er there.
Good to see ya.
Hey, let me ask you something.
Sure.
What are you doing here? I guess I'm your roommate.
Oh, hey, terrific.
Mel Tarter.
Hi, Mel.
Hi.
Hey, where's your name tag? You gotta have a name tag.
No, no, no, I'm not a regular passenger here.
I'm a reporter.
See? A reporter.
Oh, you mean like the fifth column, huh? Uh, no.
The fifth column was a Nazi spy ring.
Now, if you mean the press, that's the Fourth Estate.
Oh, yeah, right, right.
Have a hit.
Uh, no, thanks.
No? Oh.
Mm, all right.
Listen, I already made the whole tour around the ship and back again.
Yeah? And it's the usual breakdown.
See, you got 40% divorced- Uh-huh.
You got 50% deceased, and you got 10% delightful.
Now that's the 10% we're interested in, right? Oh, right.
Hey, I'm gonna go get myself another one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Full.
Full.
Hi, I'm Wendy.
Is Mel Tarter here? Well, yeah.
Hey, all right! How you doing, babe? Oh, pumpkin, you look good.
Will you look at that swimsuit? Huh? Look what's in it.
And look what's out of it.
Hey, you know why they call it a bikini? Because that's where they set off the atomic bomb.
Because that's where they set off the atom bomb.
Chimes.]
- Oh, hey, that means food.
Uh, you coming up? Uh, no.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't catch your name.
- Carl Kolchak.
- Is that with a "C" or a "K"? Both.
Uh, "C" for Carl, "K" for Kolchak.
That is cute, but where is your name tag, Carl? Well- Oh, see, he's a reporter.
Fifth column.
- Fourth Estate.
- Yeah, right.
We're gonna go.
We'll see you later.
Paula Griffin.
Oh, you mean the chick we met up at the Grog Shop? Yeah, he's perfect.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, listen, Carl.
Paula, you will love her, man.
I mean, she's gonna really turn your train around.
- Turn my train around? - Yeah, yeah, right.
You comin' up? Uh, no, thanks.
I'll join you in a little while.
I just got off the plane from Chicago.
I jumped in a cab and raced down to the pier.
I'd like to get a shower.
Chicago? All right! I gotta tell ya.
The last time I was in the Loop- Chimes.]
Oh, hey, listen.
You know what we're gonna do? You and I will sit down and have a long chat, okay? Right.
Sure.
We'll rap about Chi.
Absolutely.
See ya later, buddy! Later.
Bye.
Oh, he's perfect! Oh, afternoon, sir.
You must be, uh, Mr.
Stieglitz.
I'm the assistant purser.
Anything you need, I'm your man.
- Please call me George.
- What do you want? Oh, just doing some unofficial checking, sir.
There's a fella down on "B" deck.
He was assigned a cabin that he doesn't like very much.
It's too small.
He'd be willing to pay well for a larger place.
Would you be interested in a deal like that, sir? No.
Because I specifically asked not to have a cabin mate.
Oh, that's okay, Mr.
Stieglitz.
Just remember, anything you need, I'm your man- George.
Liquor, ladies, late-night snacks.
Now please get out.
Say, I got a honey of a telephoto lens that will fit this camera.
The trouble is somebody just scratched off the serial numbers.
Now, Mr.
Stieglitz, if there's anything you need at any time, all you have to do is ring, and I'll be right here at your service.
Thank you.
moon hadjust risen off the starboard bow.
And two, an angry Mrs.
Lois Prysock of Eugene, Oregon hadjust lost $50 in dimes to the ship's slot machines.
Mrs.
Lois Prysock had lost everything.
Hey.
Hey, Cal.
Come on, hey.
I want you to meet Paula.
You remember Wendy, don't you? Yeah, sure.
Here, right over here.
Hey, Cal Kolchak, fourth column, I want you to meet Paula Griffin.
Your own little roundhouse.
You know what I mean? Have fun, guys.
Oh, fourth column.
Are you an accountant? Uh, no, no, I'm a reporter.
Oh, a reporter.
Oh, that's terrific.
You get to go all these marvelous places, meet interesting people, do exciting things.
I'm a nut about old movies.
Did you ever see Too Hot to Handle with Clark Gable and Myrna Loy? He was a reporter, and she was an aviatrix.
They had all kinds of adventures.
They fell in love.
They went up the Amazon River where this head-hunting tribe was.
It isn't anything like that, is it? Uh, the head-hunting is, yes.
Listen, would you excuse me? I gotta do a story.
Do you mind? Oh, certainly.
About what? Well, it's about the trip.
My editor wants to do a story about the glamour and the excitement and the fun of the trip.
Oh, they don't write articles like that anymore, Cal.
Uh, Carl.
Carl.
Carl? Oh, excuse me.
Everything today is either an expose or a polemic.
Polemic? Mm-hmm.
It's an argument, controversy.
It's a little late at night for a lifeboat drill, isn't it? Maybe we've been torpedoed.
Did you ever see Lifeboat with Walter Slezak and Tallulah Bankhead? Uh, no, I- Excuse me.
Do you mind - Paula.
Paula.
Paula Griffin.
Do you do this every time you hear a whistle blow? Hey, what happened? Nothing.
He heard the whistle blow, and he split.
Did you say something to him? I said nothing.
You must have bugged him, Paula.
Come on.
I didn't bug him, Mel.
I'm sorry, sir.
You're not allowed up there.
Captain Wells's orders.
Wells? Oh, I've already spoken to Wells.
See, why, we're old buddies from the Yorktown in '44.
We were cohelmsmen together.
I just wanna take another look at the bridge.
Oh.
Did you say Yorktown? Yorktown, yeah.
Great ship.
Great ship.
But it went down in '42.
'42? I thought it was- Hey, Doc? Hey.
Out.
Sir? Down.
Down.
Certainly.
Oh, you must be lost.
This area's off-limits to all passengers.
I heard shots up here.
Oh, no, you didn't.
It was a high-pressure hose busted.
Whipped around, messed up a couple of boys, that's all.
I wanna get into my cabin downstairs.
I'm afraid this water will flood it all.
We're checking upon all of the damage right now, sir.
Give me your name and cabin number.
My name is Carl K- Carl K.
Wells, Royal Suite.
- Are you related to the captain? - I certainly am.
I'm his son.
We haven't seen each other very much in the past few years, since my mother and he divorced.
I was very young.
But I'd like to get through if you don't mind.
I'm sorry, sir, I'm sure your father will be reporting to you personally, sir.
What's your name? Gribbs, sir.
Gribbs.
Yes.
Carl Kolchak, I.
N.
S.
A very important message to go to the Chicago office, I.
N.
S.
Top priority.
No stories going out tonight, sir.
Did you hear me, son? I said top priority, triple "A.
" I'm sorry.
We're having a little trouble with the equipment.
When is it gonna be fixed? Soon.
Soon.
What's that gun doing there? Uh, big swimming regatta tomorrow.
I'm the starter.
Yeah.
No, the pool's closed.
We know that, sir.
I work out every day.
I love tennis and swimming.
Have you ever been to Los Angeles? Yes, once in a while.
You know, you oughta be in commercials.
Excuse me, sir.
Excuse me.
Sis.
Hey, what is this? Hi.
Hey, I shell out a buck eighty for a mai tai, and I don't even get half a dance? Bert Efron, right? No, no, it's Bernie.
Bernie.
Bernie.
I must have heard wrong.
There's a cute little redhead down by the casino who's looking all over the ship for you.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
She said she met you at last year's convention.
What convention? I don't know.
Whichever one you were at.
The mai tai.
Oh, excuse me.
That was very cute.
"Sis.
" Are you that anxious to get back to the story of my life, an expose? Yes, but first I've gotta ask a favor of you.
Oh, no, no, no, Carl.
I don't know if I could do that.
I mean, the ship has rules.
Paula, you remember Across the Pacific with Humphrey Bogart and Mary Astor? Yeah, they were on a freighter.
Sydney Greenstreet and Benson Fong played the two Axis spies.
Exactly.
Now, do you remember the scene in which Mary Astor created a diversion so that Bogey could go into Benson Fong's cabin and steal the codes? That never happened in Across the Pacific.
Oh, sure it did.
It was one of the most exciting parts.
Carl, I've seen it at least eight times on TV.
Oh, well, they must have cut that part on the television.
It never happened, Carl.
It didn't? No.
Is this that important to you? Oh, very.
Okay.
But next time, don't try to con me.
Just lay it on me.
Oh, excuse me.
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, could you help me? I, uh, lost one of my contact lenses out there, and, uh, I can't see a thing.
Lady, I'm snowed under here.
Well, what if I fall down the stairs and break my neck? Then you'll have a lawsuit on your hands.
Please, help me.
All right.
Thank you.
All right, now which way is this thing? Over in this general direction.
Right here.
Right here.
It's very tiny.
This is ridiculous.
I can't see- Did you look over there? It's too dark.
I can't see anything.
Ah, I've got it! I've got it.
I didn't see anything.
Where was it? Well, your eyes must be worse than mine.
Thanks.
The first-class pool- it was no longer in service, but two couples from Wayne, Indiana, after drinking too much, decided they simply had to swim there.
They should have gone to bed.
"It'll take a minimum of 36 hours to check all passengers "for possible police or psychiatric records.
Maintain security in silence.
" Yeah, operator.
Operator? Carl, did it work? They're thinking of turning the boat around and going back to L.
A.
What? Oh, damn it! What? My lens.
I lost it.
I really lost it.
Every time I really open my eyes, I lose it.
Oh.
Oh, these carpet fibers.
If it gets buried in there, we'll never find it.
Why would they do that, Carl? Quiet, quiet.
Do what? The boat.
Operator.
May I help you? Operator, I'd like ship-to-shore, please.
Long distance to Chicago, Illinois.
Tony Vincenzo, I.
N.
S.
Offices.
Area code 312-555-8842.
I'll try that for you, sir, but it may take a few minutes.
I'll hold.
I'll hold.
A pacific storm.
What? That's the only reason they'd turn the boat around.
I had a friend once- they took a cruise to Acapulco.
There was a hurricane up ahead, and they returned to port.
They never got their money back.
They'll hear from me if that happens to us.
We got a lot more to worry about than getting our money back.
Aha! There it is.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Carl.
Hello, operator.
What's going on? What's happening? Still trying, sir.
better check out down there.
Check the topside.
Come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
Carl, I just got a marvel- Oh.
Huh? Get this man in the infirmary.
Two months.
That's very odd.
Do you have a history of coagulation problems? No, no, it seems to be healing, and then it just breaks open again.
It has happened twice now.
And I have this constant dizziness and the blackout spells.
Odd.
Likely the abrupt change from Greenland's the cause for it.
As for the claustrophobia, rabies, I think we can safely rule that- I know that.
I'm no fool.
I'm sorry.
It's quite natural that you'd be a little irritable.
Here.
You take two of these at bedtime tonight.
It'll help you sleep and ease any discomfort.
Hmm? Don't you humor me with pills.
They gave me pills at the Billings Naval Hospital in Montana.
They didn't do anything to relieve my nightmares.
You've been experiencing this much discomfort, and they've discharged you from NATO? Why didn't you stay in the naval hospital? I'm still with NATO.
I'm merely on a rest leave, Doctor.
Mm-hmm.
Please be careful.
You might think of seeking neuropsychiatric help.
Now listen to me.
I don't want to look at inkblots.
I don't want to discuss my nightmares.
I want to stop them now, today! Now please, give me an injection of a- of a painkiller.
I can't give you any narcotics.
Why can't you? Well, there's procedure with using narcotics.
You babbling fool.
Doctor? Who was that man? Good morning, Mr.
Kolchak.
Your dad would like to see you.
Dad? I don't have a dad.
Right this way.
Oh! Dad.
Well, congratulations, Captain.
My compliments.
This is all cleaned up spick-and-span.
Good as new, shipshape.
Nobody'd ever dream there was a brouhaha here last night.
Mr.
Kolchak, you are to understand and comply with the following for the duration of this voyage.
One, you are to cease annoying crew members in the performance of their duties.
Two, you are to desist from fomenting trouble among your fellow passengers.
But - Three, you are to stop representing yourself as my son.
Well, I thought I could get away with a little of a resemblance - That's all.
Dismissed.
Just-Just a minute.
Captain Wells, I happen to be a reporter for the Independent News Service.
News, sir.
That's the press.
You do know about the First Amendment, the freedom of the press? I'm fully aware of all the articles of the Constitution of the United States, Mr.
Kolchak.
Splendid.
Are you fully aware of the articles of the Maritime Code? Article 43: The captain of the vessel shall have full and sole authority over all passengers and crew therein.
And shall, in the event of a crisis, take any means he deems necessary to ensure that everyone aboard acts in compliance with the best interest of the vessel.
Crisis.
You did say "crisis," sir.
That means you agree there was something very strange aboard this boat.
Ship.
Boat, ship, whatever.
I was down here last night, and I saw something absolutely incredible, before, well, before I was blacked out, but I did see it.
There was a disturbance, yes, but the matter is now fully in hand.
Disturbance? Listen, what I saw down here, I saw your crew being ripped apart by some thing, some animal thing.
Torn into shreds like they were rag dolls, limb from limb.
Now, whatever it is that's aboard this boat, Captain, is not well in hand.
If you wanna know what I think it is - Article 47, revised Maritime Code: Should any person or persons fail to comply with the captain's directives, he or they shall be placed under bodily restraint for as long as the captain sees fit.
Bodily restraint? It used to be called "putting a man in irons," Mr.
Kolchak.
Now, while we don't have that outmoded means of bodily restraint, I'm sure the ship's engineer could jury-rig a suitable substitute.
Isn't that right, Mr.
Hallem? Gribbs here could put something together with some chains and a couple of marlinespikes.
- Take about 15 minutes.
- Marlinespikes? Oh, yeah, mean things.
Metal, looks like a shark's tooth.
You mean you can really do that? Let's hope you never have to find out, Mr.
Kolchak.
Now I suggest that you just do what you came on board to do, interview.
The schoolteachers, the dentists, the aging stewardesses.
Well, that's all very simple, Captain, but unfortunately, your passengers seem to be disappearing into your deep freeze.
I think you'd better make up a set of those irons, Mr.
Gribbs, just in case.
Yes, sir.
Carry on.
Now, Mr.
Gribbs, that won't be necessary, really.
I mean, that kind of thing is really out of the Dark Ages, isn't it? Are those them? Sir? Are these those? Mr.
Kolchak won't win any prizes for his photography, but his subject is certainly startling.
Dr.
Ross? Operator, I want ship-to-shore, please.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Kolchak, but all the lines are busy.
Please try later.
They've been busy for the last two hours.
How did you know my name? Buongiorno, Carlo.
And what happened to you last night? I heard a lot of men running by, and then you were gone.
They jammed the phone on me.
Captain Bligh has put me off-limits.
You know, everyone aboard has the case of the crazies.
Something is very wrong here.
And do you know, they closed the Grog Shop for the rest of the voyage? And there's a whole long section of carpeting been taken out near the lobby.
They're wasting their time.
Blood stains cannot be removed.
Well, I happened to overhear a couple of Italian stewards talking.
They thought I couldn't speak Italian.
lo capisco tutti.
You know what one guy was saying? - No, no, I don't.
- Che cosa di animale? Che cosa "lupo e mano.
'" You know what that means? No, no.
Lupo? Lupo.
Oh, wolf! Exactly.
Isn't that absurd? I don't know what's gotten into everybody.
Claws and fangs.
And it's not gonna stop either.
You wouldn't happen to know anything about legends, would you? Legends? Yeah, you know, uh, legends.
- Oh, you mean like Oedipus.
- No, like the werewolf legends.
You're not going to take a couple of Neapolitan sailors seriously, are you? Italians always overdramatize.
What about movies? I mean, you've seen 'em all.
Certainly someone involved must have done some research.
Oh, well, it's silver bullets, I think.
What? I forgot.
Wait a minute.
It was John Wayne.
You said something.
What was it? Silver bullets.
Silver bullets.
Charlie Chan? I forgot.
I didn't, uh- Uh, ahem, steward.
Oh, how you doing, Mr.
Kolchak? Fine, George.
Hope you changed your mind.
I'll go as high as 18 bucks for this.
George, are you available for an errand of sorts? Oh, I'm always at your service, Mr.
Kolchak.
Really? Oh, hey, there's my main man.
How you doing, Carl? And, uh, what are you doing, Carl? Oh, I know.
You're fixing up some kind of costume for the fantasy dress ball tonight, right? - Wrong.
- No, I mean, that's a helmet, right? I mean, you're into some kind of Visigoth trip.
There will be no fancy dress ball tonight.
Oh, yes, there will, 'cause they announced it this morning.
Yeah, and I'm playing Lady Godiva.
And I'm coming as Peeping Tom.
All right.
Mel, you've reconnoitered this ship pretty good.
Is there a priest on board? Priest? A priest.
Hey, Carl, I mean listen.
Paula's cute, you know, but you don't have to sign up for a life sentence.
I mean, getting spliced is not the object of this cruise.
Getting your chimes rung is.
This has nothing to do with chimes ringing or splicing at all.
Oh, good, man, because Wendy and me made that marriage scene for about 10 years, and we're here to tell you it is nowhere.
What? Let me absorb this slowly.
- You and Wendy were married? - Yeah.
- I mean, to each other.
- Oh, right on.
Yeah.
We got divorced about three years ago, and we've been having a ball ever since.
Well, I wish you all the luck in the world.
Thank you.
In the meantime, is there a priest on board? Well, hey, what about what's his name? Who? Oh, yeah, I know, yeah.
There was some cat that told me he flunked out of divinity school.
Is that any help? - Does he speak Latin? - Well, last night he was kind of into Romance languages.
That's funny.
That's very funny.
Will you find him and bring him back here in about an hour? Yeah, okay.
And then you wanna put on your Lady Godiva outfit for me? You know, Mel, you just never had any respect for our marriage.
What are you talking about? You know what you really are? What'd you find out? We were right.
When I placed the call from my cabin, I got through fine.
I talked to your editor, Mr.
Vincenzo.
Yeah.
Oh, gee, does he sound like he needs a vacation.
Anyway, he seemed very upset when I mentioned you wanted stuff about mutilation murders.
- That follows.
- He sounded awful.
I mean, coughing and sneezing.
Apparently he has the flu.
But he still has to come into work because nobody else is in the office.
- I don't get it.
- You wouldn't understand.
What did he say about the animal attacks? Well, last month, in Yellowstone County, Montana, a family of five was killed.
The authorities there believe that they were attacked by - Wolves.
And before that, a six-man NATO radar team in Greenland- NATO? Tell me the date.
It was exactly one month before the Yellowstone County incident, right? Yes, that's right.
Five were mutilated beyond recognition, but one survived.
- What was his name? - It's not listed here.
You mean there's no record of him? Who he was? Where he went? Where he came from? No.
Listen, I gotta meet a guy.
You stay here, right here in this room, and do not move.
No matter what happens, do not leave this room.
Is that clear? Yes.
I mean, those are orders, right? You stay - Lock the door behind me.
On second thought, I'll lock it for you.
Oh.
Well, you got it? Yeah, where's the money? Money, money, here.
Here's your money.
$50.
Could I have a receipt for that? We gotta find a better place to make the pass.
The what? Just give it to me, please.
I wanna make sure you're satisfied.
You got the right material.
And besides, I wanna make sure nobody's giving me any phony money.
- What are you talking about? - Now, don't laugh.
I got a trunkful of lira, marks and pounds that ain't worth a dime.
But those are American dollars.
So what? What do you think it's gonna be worth tomorrow? Oh, good evening, ma'am.
Sir.
Besides, I'm getting some pretty bad vibes here.
I don't like the smell of this whole thing.
Let's go down to my compartment.
Who is it? Me.
Paula Griffin, this is George- Just first names, okay? Okay.
Hey, that's nice stuff.
Genuine Vallarchon.
You wanna unload it? It's not ours.
It doesn't make any difference.
Wi-Will you put it down, please? Let's see what you got.
Come on.
Come on.
That's silver plate.
That's not sterling silver.
Haven't you got any real silver aboard this ship? - Sure.
- Well, get it.
- Uh-uh, not for any price.
- Why? It's the buttons on the captain's dress uniform.
Oh? What are you doing here? How did you get in here? Well, if I told you, Captain, you'd clap me in irons.
Clap you in irons.
I'll have you keelhauled for this.
Well, Captain, you seem to be fond of living in the past, so perhaps you'd be interested in knowing that there is a werewolf on board.
Really? Really.
Article 22, revised Maritime Code: Should any passenger or passengers exhibit, in the captain's opinion, an unbalanced state of mind, the captain may order that such passenger be put - To sleep.
Yes, I know.
I won't deny we've had trouble.
My officers concur with me that we've had a psychotic killer on board.
A psychotic killer? What about the drugs missing from the infirmary? The man may have had a serious drug problem.
But since the attacks have stopped, obviously one of three things has happened.
The man fell overboard, the man committed suicide, or the man suffered serious injuries and crawled away to the bowels of the ship to die.
Or the thing is still alive and waiting for the moon to rise.
- The moon.
- The moon.
The full moon.
Check your nautical charts, Captain, for the exact time.
Have Mr.
Hallem come up here with the security party, please.
Listen, you've seen the photographs that I took.
Did you see a psychotic killer in that? All right, I will address you in terms you will understand.
You will understand and comply with the following orders.
All security personnel are to be equipped with silver bullets.
Those silver bullets are to be blessed by a priest, not in English, but in Latin.
Furthermore, sir, before moonrise, all passengers and personnel are to be restricted to their cabins with the doors bolted and locked.
- End of orders, sir.
- Yes, sir.
Take him below.
Take him below.
Now wait just one minute.
If you put me someplace against my will and something happens to me, you're gonna have to write a new chapter in the Maritime Code, or my editor's name is not Antonio Vincenzo.
Your editor.
Release him.
- Not here, outside! - Just a minute now.
Wait a minute, fellas.
Wait just one second.
- Mr.
Hallem.
- Yes, sir? Ask Royer how much time we'd buy if we changed course now and tried to outrun the rising moon.
Sir? Nothing! Hey, Paula.
Hiya.
Here's your man, Jay Remy.
Oh, yeah.
Here it is in the pot.
It has to be blessed.
Hey, is this gonna take long? I've invested a lot of time in a couple of young ladies- Just do it, will you? I mean, just mumble something in Latin.
It doesn't make a lot of difference- Are you folks loaded? What's going on? Nothing is going on.
I just need you to bless this pot of melted silver, that's all.
I mean, we haven't got much time.
See, that's the problem.
So, if you know anything in Latin, a prayer, anything? Well, I know a nuptial prayer pretty good.
Well, that doesn't sound quite right to me.
- Mm, a prayer for the dead? - Yeah, that sounds more like it.
Now, if you ever need any more blessings, we'll talk about it.
You just come on down to my cabin.
We'll have a little drinky-winky or something, but leave Hi-Ho Silver here.
If I were you, I'd go back to my cabin, lock the doors, stay sober and remember some more prayers.
ordinary career soldier, answered a primordial call and had a most extraordinary dream.
A nightmare that no human being could ever imagine or begin to comprehend.
Mr.
Stieglitz? Mr.
Stieglitz.
It's George.
Are you all right? Get in your cabin, you dum-dum.
The body was never recovered.
When the old ship was scrapped, all evidence was scrapped along with her.
Of the 11 crewmen and four passengers attacked by the beast, it is not known how many actually died.
The injured? Well, they disappeared.
Rumor has it to Switzerland, to undergo treatment for a rare blood disease.
The shipping line would only admit to having had a psychotic stowaway on board.
The killer had fallen overboard after being cornered by ship's officers, so they said.
All traces of Bernard Stieglitz vanished.
His baggage was gone.
His name could not be found in any passenger manifest.
NATO officials claim no such man had ever existed in their organization.
And any attempt to publish a werewolf story about such a man would be met with the heaviest legal artillery.
Vincenzo, always gun-shy, conveyed that message to me in no uncertain terms.
So, here the story sits, for good, I guess.
No one but you and I know the real truth.
The real story.
Cab! Ah.
That's it.
To the airport, huh?
Those of you who wish to avoid being unsettled, who wish to avoid thinking will label it insane.
And though you, the reader, would find these facts almost impossible to substantiate, that does not change their nature.
Facts they are, I know.
I saw them happen.
Yellowstone County, Montana, December 11.
Horrified local authorities investigated the gruesome deaths of four area residents- the Rockwell family- mother, father and two children.
All had been discovered strewn around their isolated farm their bodies mutilated.
An official coroner's report stated they had been dead three days.
Cause of death? Attacked by wolves.
Fact: The last sighting of a wolf in Yellowstone County occurred in 1948.
Fact: In the entire history of this continent, there has never been one documented case of attack by wolves on a human being.
That year, Chicago was having one of its worst winters in history, but Christmas was merry.
Our office even had a party.
The first since Lindbergh soloed the Atlantic.
The festivities were the idea of Edith Cowles, our office mother and founder of my favorite riddle column.
The Asian flu had decimated our staff, but the party had accomplished its end, that ofbidding a fond adieu and bon voyage to Tony Vincenzo, who was finally taking a long-awaited vacation Aboard the cruise ship Hanover.
He wasn't paying for the cruise, of course.
He had wangled it as his own feature story, and the New York office was picking up the tab.
No, no, no, that's in the office next door.
Will you shut up a minute? Shh.
Tony.
Hello, sir.
No, it's not him, sir.
One moment, I'll put him on.
What is it? It's New York.
Will you get on the phone? Oh, oh.
It's for you.
Hurry up! Okay.
You got it, Tony? Okay.
You gonna take it home? Oh.
Well, what time are they gonna get here? What day? A watch.
A wristwatch.
Oh, I don't think so.
But I've had this planned months ago.
Well, doesn't anybody there consider the fact that I haven't had- What? You can't understand? Wait a minute.
Doesn't anybody there consider the fact that I haven't had a vacation in five years? Shh.
They want me to pick them up at the airport? Boy, that's gall for you.
That was the same airport I was gonna leave from.
He certainly doesn't look like Old Nick now, does he? Now look.
Couldn't I have the flu? Couldn't you tell them that I'm sick? Look, I need this vacation.
J- Just tell 'em I'm sick.
I'm already packed and ready to go! Uh-oh.
Kolchak! - Yes, sir.
- How's that flu of yours? - Oh, bugs never get me, sir.
- Oh, I thought I heard you mention something about a temperature, a queasy stomach or something the other day.
Me? Yeah.
No, no, no, never.
- How come you never get sick, Kolchak? - I must live right, sir.
Ron.
Hey, you look pretty good, Ron.
How do you feel? What's this? My column.
I'd like you to look it over so I can get outta here.
At 10:00 in the morning.
Where're you going? The doctor, if you don't mind.
I think I'm getting sick.
Well, how about all those megavitamins you've been taking, and the massive doses of Vitamin "C"? They're making me sick.
How would one-week, all-paid-expense cruise on the Hanover make you feel? Worse.
I have a bad time with seasickness.
Everything makes you sick, doesn't it? Seasick.
Airsick.
Don't drive your car more than 30 miles an hour.
You know, a reporter has to travel, Ron.
Please, I would like to go to the doctor.
Go.
Go.
Only don't let them put you in a wheelchair.
You'll probably start bleeding from the ears.
Okay, okay, Kolchak.
You got it.
You win.
Aw, Tony, I'm sorry about that.
You had this vacation all planned.
It was gonna be such a good time.
And here we bought you this lovely plantation hat for a Christmas present.
Yeah, they're coming.
I'm sorry.
I didn't hear you.
What did you say? They're coming.
That's what I said.
- The British? - The accountants.
And some big macher from New York.
Oh, no.
Oh, Tony, that's terrible.
Oh, that's awful.
The books are in shape for an audit, aren't they? - There's the plane tickets.
- Plane tickets.
Tickets for the boat.
- And expense money.
- Expense money? Uh- Uh- Don't get the idea you're going on a vacation.
I wanna see these stories.
I want them to be incisive, thought-provoking.
This is billed as a swinging singles cruise, and I wanna see this trip laid bare.
Their pretensions, the expenses, the heartbreak - and the joy if there is any.
- Joy.
Then, of course, there's, uh, the ship itself, the Hanover.
Now, she's headed for the scrap heap.
This is her last trip.
Why don't you do a couple of pieces with a- with a nostalgic flavor, you know? Why am I telling you all this? You're supposed to be a professional.
Now look, don't go bananas, Kolchak.
Just some nice simple stories about people on a boat, huh? Sure, Tony.
Sure, sure.
Are we gonna get any riddles today, Miss Cowles? The Hanover had been built in the early '30s.
A floating anachronism, 900 feet long, she could sleep 2,000.
Considered by many to be the grandest lady to have ever sailed the seas she had outraced U-boats, fought off dive-bombers and weathered the wildest of parties.
But she had not weathered the airlines.
The 747 had condemned her to death.
Mm.
Hi, man, how are ya? Oh, I- Hey, put 'er there.
Good to see ya.
Hey, let me ask you something.
Sure.
What are you doing here? I guess I'm your roommate.
Oh, hey, terrific.
Mel Tarter.
Hi, Mel.
Hi.
Hey, where's your name tag? You gotta have a name tag.
No, no, no, I'm not a regular passenger here.
I'm a reporter.
See? A reporter.
Oh, you mean like the fifth column, huh? Uh, no.
The fifth column was a Nazi spy ring.
Now, if you mean the press, that's the Fourth Estate.
Oh, yeah, right, right.
Have a hit.
Uh, no, thanks.
No? Oh.
Mm, all right.
Listen, I already made the whole tour around the ship and back again.
Yeah? And it's the usual breakdown.
See, you got 40% divorced- Uh-huh.
You got 50% deceased, and you got 10% delightful.
Now that's the 10% we're interested in, right? Oh, right.
Hey, I'm gonna go get myself another one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Full.
Full.
Hi, I'm Wendy.
Is Mel Tarter here? Well, yeah.
Hey, all right! How you doing, babe? Oh, pumpkin, you look good.
Will you look at that swimsuit? Huh? Look what's in it.
And look what's out of it.
Hey, you know why they call it a bikini? Because that's where they set off the atomic bomb.
Because that's where they set off the atom bomb.
Chimes.]
- Oh, hey, that means food.
Uh, you coming up? Uh, no.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't catch your name.
- Carl Kolchak.
- Is that with a "C" or a "K"? Both.
Uh, "C" for Carl, "K" for Kolchak.
That is cute, but where is your name tag, Carl? Well- Oh, see, he's a reporter.
Fifth column.
- Fourth Estate.
- Yeah, right.
We're gonna go.
We'll see you later.
Paula Griffin.
Oh, you mean the chick we met up at the Grog Shop? Yeah, he's perfect.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, listen, Carl.
Paula, you will love her, man.
I mean, she's gonna really turn your train around.
- Turn my train around? - Yeah, yeah, right.
You comin' up? Uh, no, thanks.
I'll join you in a little while.
I just got off the plane from Chicago.
I jumped in a cab and raced down to the pier.
I'd like to get a shower.
Chicago? All right! I gotta tell ya.
The last time I was in the Loop- Chimes.]
Oh, hey, listen.
You know what we're gonna do? You and I will sit down and have a long chat, okay? Right.
Sure.
We'll rap about Chi.
Absolutely.
See ya later, buddy! Later.
Bye.
Oh, he's perfect! Oh, afternoon, sir.
You must be, uh, Mr.
Stieglitz.
I'm the assistant purser.
Anything you need, I'm your man.
- Please call me George.
- What do you want? Oh, just doing some unofficial checking, sir.
There's a fella down on "B" deck.
He was assigned a cabin that he doesn't like very much.
It's too small.
He'd be willing to pay well for a larger place.
Would you be interested in a deal like that, sir? No.
Because I specifically asked not to have a cabin mate.
Oh, that's okay, Mr.
Stieglitz.
Just remember, anything you need, I'm your man- George.
Liquor, ladies, late-night snacks.
Now please get out.
Say, I got a honey of a telephoto lens that will fit this camera.
The trouble is somebody just scratched off the serial numbers.
Now, Mr.
Stieglitz, if there's anything you need at any time, all you have to do is ring, and I'll be right here at your service.
Thank you.
moon hadjust risen off the starboard bow.
And two, an angry Mrs.
Lois Prysock of Eugene, Oregon hadjust lost $50 in dimes to the ship's slot machines.
Mrs.
Lois Prysock had lost everything.
Hey.
Hey, Cal.
Come on, hey.
I want you to meet Paula.
You remember Wendy, don't you? Yeah, sure.
Here, right over here.
Hey, Cal Kolchak, fourth column, I want you to meet Paula Griffin.
Your own little roundhouse.
You know what I mean? Have fun, guys.
Oh, fourth column.
Are you an accountant? Uh, no, no, I'm a reporter.
Oh, a reporter.
Oh, that's terrific.
You get to go all these marvelous places, meet interesting people, do exciting things.
I'm a nut about old movies.
Did you ever see Too Hot to Handle with Clark Gable and Myrna Loy? He was a reporter, and she was an aviatrix.
They had all kinds of adventures.
They fell in love.
They went up the Amazon River where this head-hunting tribe was.
It isn't anything like that, is it? Uh, the head-hunting is, yes.
Listen, would you excuse me? I gotta do a story.
Do you mind? Oh, certainly.
About what? Well, it's about the trip.
My editor wants to do a story about the glamour and the excitement and the fun of the trip.
Oh, they don't write articles like that anymore, Cal.
Uh, Carl.
Carl.
Carl? Oh, excuse me.
Everything today is either an expose or a polemic.
Polemic? Mm-hmm.
It's an argument, controversy.
It's a little late at night for a lifeboat drill, isn't it? Maybe we've been torpedoed.
Did you ever see Lifeboat with Walter Slezak and Tallulah Bankhead? Uh, no, I- Excuse me.
Do you mind - Paula.
Paula.
Paula Griffin.
Do you do this every time you hear a whistle blow? Hey, what happened? Nothing.
He heard the whistle blow, and he split.
Did you say something to him? I said nothing.
You must have bugged him, Paula.
Come on.
I didn't bug him, Mel.
I'm sorry, sir.
You're not allowed up there.
Captain Wells's orders.
Wells? Oh, I've already spoken to Wells.
See, why, we're old buddies from the Yorktown in '44.
We were cohelmsmen together.
I just wanna take another look at the bridge.
Oh.
Did you say Yorktown? Yorktown, yeah.
Great ship.
Great ship.
But it went down in '42.
'42? I thought it was- Hey, Doc? Hey.
Out.
Sir? Down.
Down.
Certainly.
Oh, you must be lost.
This area's off-limits to all passengers.
I heard shots up here.
Oh, no, you didn't.
It was a high-pressure hose busted.
Whipped around, messed up a couple of boys, that's all.
I wanna get into my cabin downstairs.
I'm afraid this water will flood it all.
We're checking upon all of the damage right now, sir.
Give me your name and cabin number.
My name is Carl K- Carl K.
Wells, Royal Suite.
- Are you related to the captain? - I certainly am.
I'm his son.
We haven't seen each other very much in the past few years, since my mother and he divorced.
I was very young.
But I'd like to get through if you don't mind.
I'm sorry, sir, I'm sure your father will be reporting to you personally, sir.
What's your name? Gribbs, sir.
Gribbs.
Yes.
Carl Kolchak, I.
N.
S.
A very important message to go to the Chicago office, I.
N.
S.
Top priority.
No stories going out tonight, sir.
Did you hear me, son? I said top priority, triple "A.
" I'm sorry.
We're having a little trouble with the equipment.
When is it gonna be fixed? Soon.
Soon.
What's that gun doing there? Uh, big swimming regatta tomorrow.
I'm the starter.
Yeah.
No, the pool's closed.
We know that, sir.
I work out every day.
I love tennis and swimming.
Have you ever been to Los Angeles? Yes, once in a while.
You know, you oughta be in commercials.
Excuse me, sir.
Excuse me.
Sis.
Hey, what is this? Hi.
Hey, I shell out a buck eighty for a mai tai, and I don't even get half a dance? Bert Efron, right? No, no, it's Bernie.
Bernie.
Bernie.
I must have heard wrong.
There's a cute little redhead down by the casino who's looking all over the ship for you.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
She said she met you at last year's convention.
What convention? I don't know.
Whichever one you were at.
The mai tai.
Oh, excuse me.
That was very cute.
"Sis.
" Are you that anxious to get back to the story of my life, an expose? Yes, but first I've gotta ask a favor of you.
Oh, no, no, no, Carl.
I don't know if I could do that.
I mean, the ship has rules.
Paula, you remember Across the Pacific with Humphrey Bogart and Mary Astor? Yeah, they were on a freighter.
Sydney Greenstreet and Benson Fong played the two Axis spies.
Exactly.
Now, do you remember the scene in which Mary Astor created a diversion so that Bogey could go into Benson Fong's cabin and steal the codes? That never happened in Across the Pacific.
Oh, sure it did.
It was one of the most exciting parts.
Carl, I've seen it at least eight times on TV.
Oh, well, they must have cut that part on the television.
It never happened, Carl.
It didn't? No.
Is this that important to you? Oh, very.
Okay.
But next time, don't try to con me.
Just lay it on me.
Oh, excuse me.
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, could you help me? I, uh, lost one of my contact lenses out there, and, uh, I can't see a thing.
Lady, I'm snowed under here.
Well, what if I fall down the stairs and break my neck? Then you'll have a lawsuit on your hands.
Please, help me.
All right.
Thank you.
All right, now which way is this thing? Over in this general direction.
Right here.
Right here.
It's very tiny.
This is ridiculous.
I can't see- Did you look over there? It's too dark.
I can't see anything.
Ah, I've got it! I've got it.
I didn't see anything.
Where was it? Well, your eyes must be worse than mine.
Thanks.
The first-class pool- it was no longer in service, but two couples from Wayne, Indiana, after drinking too much, decided they simply had to swim there.
They should have gone to bed.
"It'll take a minimum of 36 hours to check all passengers "for possible police or psychiatric records.
Maintain security in silence.
" Yeah, operator.
Operator? Carl, did it work? They're thinking of turning the boat around and going back to L.
A.
What? Oh, damn it! What? My lens.
I lost it.
I really lost it.
Every time I really open my eyes, I lose it.
Oh.
Oh, these carpet fibers.
If it gets buried in there, we'll never find it.
Why would they do that, Carl? Quiet, quiet.
Do what? The boat.
Operator.
May I help you? Operator, I'd like ship-to-shore, please.
Long distance to Chicago, Illinois.
Tony Vincenzo, I.
N.
S.
Offices.
Area code 312-555-8842.
I'll try that for you, sir, but it may take a few minutes.
I'll hold.
I'll hold.
A pacific storm.
What? That's the only reason they'd turn the boat around.
I had a friend once- they took a cruise to Acapulco.
There was a hurricane up ahead, and they returned to port.
They never got their money back.
They'll hear from me if that happens to us.
We got a lot more to worry about than getting our money back.
Aha! There it is.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Carl.
Hello, operator.
What's going on? What's happening? Still trying, sir.
better check out down there.
Check the topside.
Come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
Carl, I just got a marvel- Oh.
Huh? Get this man in the infirmary.
Two months.
That's very odd.
Do you have a history of coagulation problems? No, no, it seems to be healing, and then it just breaks open again.
It has happened twice now.
And I have this constant dizziness and the blackout spells.
Odd.
Likely the abrupt change from Greenland's the cause for it.
As for the claustrophobia, rabies, I think we can safely rule that- I know that.
I'm no fool.
I'm sorry.
It's quite natural that you'd be a little irritable.
Here.
You take two of these at bedtime tonight.
It'll help you sleep and ease any discomfort.
Hmm? Don't you humor me with pills.
They gave me pills at the Billings Naval Hospital in Montana.
They didn't do anything to relieve my nightmares.
You've been experiencing this much discomfort, and they've discharged you from NATO? Why didn't you stay in the naval hospital? I'm still with NATO.
I'm merely on a rest leave, Doctor.
Mm-hmm.
Please be careful.
You might think of seeking neuropsychiatric help.
Now listen to me.
I don't want to look at inkblots.
I don't want to discuss my nightmares.
I want to stop them now, today! Now please, give me an injection of a- of a painkiller.
I can't give you any narcotics.
Why can't you? Well, there's procedure with using narcotics.
You babbling fool.
Doctor? Who was that man? Good morning, Mr.
Kolchak.
Your dad would like to see you.
Dad? I don't have a dad.
Right this way.
Oh! Dad.
Well, congratulations, Captain.
My compliments.
This is all cleaned up spick-and-span.
Good as new, shipshape.
Nobody'd ever dream there was a brouhaha here last night.
Mr.
Kolchak, you are to understand and comply with the following for the duration of this voyage.
One, you are to cease annoying crew members in the performance of their duties.
Two, you are to desist from fomenting trouble among your fellow passengers.
But - Three, you are to stop representing yourself as my son.
Well, I thought I could get away with a little of a resemblance - That's all.
Dismissed.
Just-Just a minute.
Captain Wells, I happen to be a reporter for the Independent News Service.
News, sir.
That's the press.
You do know about the First Amendment, the freedom of the press? I'm fully aware of all the articles of the Constitution of the United States, Mr.
Kolchak.
Splendid.
Are you fully aware of the articles of the Maritime Code? Article 43: The captain of the vessel shall have full and sole authority over all passengers and crew therein.
And shall, in the event of a crisis, take any means he deems necessary to ensure that everyone aboard acts in compliance with the best interest of the vessel.
Crisis.
You did say "crisis," sir.
That means you agree there was something very strange aboard this boat.
Ship.
Boat, ship, whatever.
I was down here last night, and I saw something absolutely incredible, before, well, before I was blacked out, but I did see it.
There was a disturbance, yes, but the matter is now fully in hand.
Disturbance? Listen, what I saw down here, I saw your crew being ripped apart by some thing, some animal thing.
Torn into shreds like they were rag dolls, limb from limb.
Now, whatever it is that's aboard this boat, Captain, is not well in hand.
If you wanna know what I think it is - Article 47, revised Maritime Code: Should any person or persons fail to comply with the captain's directives, he or they shall be placed under bodily restraint for as long as the captain sees fit.
Bodily restraint? It used to be called "putting a man in irons," Mr.
Kolchak.
Now, while we don't have that outmoded means of bodily restraint, I'm sure the ship's engineer could jury-rig a suitable substitute.
Isn't that right, Mr.
Hallem? Gribbs here could put something together with some chains and a couple of marlinespikes.
- Take about 15 minutes.
- Marlinespikes? Oh, yeah, mean things.
Metal, looks like a shark's tooth.
You mean you can really do that? Let's hope you never have to find out, Mr.
Kolchak.
Now I suggest that you just do what you came on board to do, interview.
The schoolteachers, the dentists, the aging stewardesses.
Well, that's all very simple, Captain, but unfortunately, your passengers seem to be disappearing into your deep freeze.
I think you'd better make up a set of those irons, Mr.
Gribbs, just in case.
Yes, sir.
Carry on.
Now, Mr.
Gribbs, that won't be necessary, really.
I mean, that kind of thing is really out of the Dark Ages, isn't it? Are those them? Sir? Are these those? Mr.
Kolchak won't win any prizes for his photography, but his subject is certainly startling.
Dr.
Ross? Operator, I want ship-to-shore, please.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Kolchak, but all the lines are busy.
Please try later.
They've been busy for the last two hours.
How did you know my name? Buongiorno, Carlo.
And what happened to you last night? I heard a lot of men running by, and then you were gone.
They jammed the phone on me.
Captain Bligh has put me off-limits.
You know, everyone aboard has the case of the crazies.
Something is very wrong here.
And do you know, they closed the Grog Shop for the rest of the voyage? And there's a whole long section of carpeting been taken out near the lobby.
They're wasting their time.
Blood stains cannot be removed.
Well, I happened to overhear a couple of Italian stewards talking.
They thought I couldn't speak Italian.
lo capisco tutti.
You know what one guy was saying? - No, no, I don't.
- Che cosa di animale? Che cosa "lupo e mano.
'" You know what that means? No, no.
Lupo? Lupo.
Oh, wolf! Exactly.
Isn't that absurd? I don't know what's gotten into everybody.
Claws and fangs.
And it's not gonna stop either.
You wouldn't happen to know anything about legends, would you? Legends? Yeah, you know, uh, legends.
- Oh, you mean like Oedipus.
- No, like the werewolf legends.
You're not going to take a couple of Neapolitan sailors seriously, are you? Italians always overdramatize.
What about movies? I mean, you've seen 'em all.
Certainly someone involved must have done some research.
Oh, well, it's silver bullets, I think.
What? I forgot.
Wait a minute.
It was John Wayne.
You said something.
What was it? Silver bullets.
Silver bullets.
Charlie Chan? I forgot.
I didn't, uh- Uh, ahem, steward.
Oh, how you doing, Mr.
Kolchak? Fine, George.
Hope you changed your mind.
I'll go as high as 18 bucks for this.
George, are you available for an errand of sorts? Oh, I'm always at your service, Mr.
Kolchak.
Really? Oh, hey, there's my main man.
How you doing, Carl? And, uh, what are you doing, Carl? Oh, I know.
You're fixing up some kind of costume for the fantasy dress ball tonight, right? - Wrong.
- No, I mean, that's a helmet, right? I mean, you're into some kind of Visigoth trip.
There will be no fancy dress ball tonight.
Oh, yes, there will, 'cause they announced it this morning.
Yeah, and I'm playing Lady Godiva.
And I'm coming as Peeping Tom.
All right.
Mel, you've reconnoitered this ship pretty good.
Is there a priest on board? Priest? A priest.
Hey, Carl, I mean listen.
Paula's cute, you know, but you don't have to sign up for a life sentence.
I mean, getting spliced is not the object of this cruise.
Getting your chimes rung is.
This has nothing to do with chimes ringing or splicing at all.
Oh, good, man, because Wendy and me made that marriage scene for about 10 years, and we're here to tell you it is nowhere.
What? Let me absorb this slowly.
- You and Wendy were married? - Yeah.
- I mean, to each other.
- Oh, right on.
Yeah.
We got divorced about three years ago, and we've been having a ball ever since.
Well, I wish you all the luck in the world.
Thank you.
In the meantime, is there a priest on board? Well, hey, what about what's his name? Who? Oh, yeah, I know, yeah.
There was some cat that told me he flunked out of divinity school.
Is that any help? - Does he speak Latin? - Well, last night he was kind of into Romance languages.
That's funny.
That's very funny.
Will you find him and bring him back here in about an hour? Yeah, okay.
And then you wanna put on your Lady Godiva outfit for me? You know, Mel, you just never had any respect for our marriage.
What are you talking about? You know what you really are? What'd you find out? We were right.
When I placed the call from my cabin, I got through fine.
I talked to your editor, Mr.
Vincenzo.
Yeah.
Oh, gee, does he sound like he needs a vacation.
Anyway, he seemed very upset when I mentioned you wanted stuff about mutilation murders.
- That follows.
- He sounded awful.
I mean, coughing and sneezing.
Apparently he has the flu.
But he still has to come into work because nobody else is in the office.
- I don't get it.
- You wouldn't understand.
What did he say about the animal attacks? Well, last month, in Yellowstone County, Montana, a family of five was killed.
The authorities there believe that they were attacked by - Wolves.
And before that, a six-man NATO radar team in Greenland- NATO? Tell me the date.
It was exactly one month before the Yellowstone County incident, right? Yes, that's right.
Five were mutilated beyond recognition, but one survived.
- What was his name? - It's not listed here.
You mean there's no record of him? Who he was? Where he went? Where he came from? No.
Listen, I gotta meet a guy.
You stay here, right here in this room, and do not move.
No matter what happens, do not leave this room.
Is that clear? Yes.
I mean, those are orders, right? You stay - Lock the door behind me.
On second thought, I'll lock it for you.
Oh.
Well, you got it? Yeah, where's the money? Money, money, here.
Here's your money.
$50.
Could I have a receipt for that? We gotta find a better place to make the pass.
The what? Just give it to me, please.
I wanna make sure you're satisfied.
You got the right material.
And besides, I wanna make sure nobody's giving me any phony money.
- What are you talking about? - Now, don't laugh.
I got a trunkful of lira, marks and pounds that ain't worth a dime.
But those are American dollars.
So what? What do you think it's gonna be worth tomorrow? Oh, good evening, ma'am.
Sir.
Besides, I'm getting some pretty bad vibes here.
I don't like the smell of this whole thing.
Let's go down to my compartment.
Who is it? Me.
Paula Griffin, this is George- Just first names, okay? Okay.
Hey, that's nice stuff.
Genuine Vallarchon.
You wanna unload it? It's not ours.
It doesn't make any difference.
Wi-Will you put it down, please? Let's see what you got.
Come on.
Come on.
That's silver plate.
That's not sterling silver.
Haven't you got any real silver aboard this ship? - Sure.
- Well, get it.
- Uh-uh, not for any price.
- Why? It's the buttons on the captain's dress uniform.
Oh? What are you doing here? How did you get in here? Well, if I told you, Captain, you'd clap me in irons.
Clap you in irons.
I'll have you keelhauled for this.
Well, Captain, you seem to be fond of living in the past, so perhaps you'd be interested in knowing that there is a werewolf on board.
Really? Really.
Article 22, revised Maritime Code: Should any passenger or passengers exhibit, in the captain's opinion, an unbalanced state of mind, the captain may order that such passenger be put - To sleep.
Yes, I know.
I won't deny we've had trouble.
My officers concur with me that we've had a psychotic killer on board.
A psychotic killer? What about the drugs missing from the infirmary? The man may have had a serious drug problem.
But since the attacks have stopped, obviously one of three things has happened.
The man fell overboard, the man committed suicide, or the man suffered serious injuries and crawled away to the bowels of the ship to die.
Or the thing is still alive and waiting for the moon to rise.
- The moon.
- The moon.
The full moon.
Check your nautical charts, Captain, for the exact time.
Have Mr.
Hallem come up here with the security party, please.
Listen, you've seen the photographs that I took.
Did you see a psychotic killer in that? All right, I will address you in terms you will understand.
You will understand and comply with the following orders.
All security personnel are to be equipped with silver bullets.
Those silver bullets are to be blessed by a priest, not in English, but in Latin.
Furthermore, sir, before moonrise, all passengers and personnel are to be restricted to their cabins with the doors bolted and locked.
- End of orders, sir.
- Yes, sir.
Take him below.
Take him below.
Now wait just one minute.
If you put me someplace against my will and something happens to me, you're gonna have to write a new chapter in the Maritime Code, or my editor's name is not Antonio Vincenzo.
Your editor.
Release him.
- Not here, outside! - Just a minute now.
Wait a minute, fellas.
Wait just one second.
- Mr.
Hallem.
- Yes, sir? Ask Royer how much time we'd buy if we changed course now and tried to outrun the rising moon.
Sir? Nothing! Hey, Paula.
Hiya.
Here's your man, Jay Remy.
Oh, yeah.
Here it is in the pot.
It has to be blessed.
Hey, is this gonna take long? I've invested a lot of time in a couple of young ladies- Just do it, will you? I mean, just mumble something in Latin.
It doesn't make a lot of difference- Are you folks loaded? What's going on? Nothing is going on.
I just need you to bless this pot of melted silver, that's all.
I mean, we haven't got much time.
See, that's the problem.
So, if you know anything in Latin, a prayer, anything? Well, I know a nuptial prayer pretty good.
Well, that doesn't sound quite right to me.
- Mm, a prayer for the dead? - Yeah, that sounds more like it.
Now, if you ever need any more blessings, we'll talk about it.
You just come on down to my cabin.
We'll have a little drinky-winky or something, but leave Hi-Ho Silver here.
If I were you, I'd go back to my cabin, lock the doors, stay sober and remember some more prayers.
ordinary career soldier, answered a primordial call and had a most extraordinary dream.
A nightmare that no human being could ever imagine or begin to comprehend.
Mr.
Stieglitz? Mr.
Stieglitz.
It's George.
Are you all right? Get in your cabin, you dum-dum.
The body was never recovered.
When the old ship was scrapped, all evidence was scrapped along with her.
Of the 11 crewmen and four passengers attacked by the beast, it is not known how many actually died.
The injured? Well, they disappeared.
Rumor has it to Switzerland, to undergo treatment for a rare blood disease.
The shipping line would only admit to having had a psychotic stowaway on board.
The killer had fallen overboard after being cornered by ship's officers, so they said.
All traces of Bernard Stieglitz vanished.
His baggage was gone.
His name could not be found in any passenger manifest.
NATO officials claim no such man had ever existed in their organization.
And any attempt to publish a werewolf story about such a man would be met with the heaviest legal artillery.
Vincenzo, always gun-shy, conveyed that message to me in no uncertain terms.
So, here the story sits, for good, I guess.
No one but you and I know the real truth.
The real story.
Cab! Ah.
That's it.
To the airport, huh?