Lip Service s01e05 Episode Script

I'm dead, I'm connected to a criminal and there some strange drug dealer bloke that keeps following me around.
I found these keys last time I was here.
Are they yours? Never seen them before.
And who's Alma Carter? Is she my mother? Alma Carter's not interested.
She didn't want you.
Who's that then? It's Hayley, the fit intern.
-She's been flirting with me non stop.
Hayley? Tell her to take the day off tomorrow, right? And ring me.
I had to fire her.
You recommended her.
She's your protegée.
I'm Tess, Chloe's ex.
Who the hell are you? Shona.
Were you seeing her before you finished with me? Is there anything I need to worry about? You you and Frankie, you go back a long way She's a friend, that's all.
Is there someone? Cat It's always been Cat.
Oh, my God! Oh! Oh, God! Morning.
I think I love you I'm sorry.
No I like it.
Do you just like it, hm? Or I need to go to work.
I feel your heat, but cannot touch.
A lonely moon orbiting the sun.
The gravity between us, The only thing stopping me from falling back to earth Audition script? Sorry.
I wish.
No, it's Ed's book.
Well, first draft.
It's really good.
- You sound surprised.
- Well, I'm not, but I mean, really good, like a proper book you'd pay money for and everything.
It's about these two scientists working on a space station because she might be from this race of aliens they're researching and he might be a robot.
- It's brilliant.
- Brilliant So, um did you and Jay stay up long after I crashed? Not really.
Cos I got up in the middle of the night to get a drink and - You saw.
- I couldn't help it.
- Yeah, well, it was nothing.
- It was Jay! He's a man! He's - he's got, like, bits.
- It's just like a strap-on without the strap.
Aagh! What - but what about Becky? - How's she going to find out? - Well, I'm not gonna tell her.
- Neither am I, and I doubt Jay's going to be shouting it from the rooftops.
We were drunk, - it felt like a good idea at the time.
- All right.
As long as you're not going all hasbian on me.
Becky throw you out early or something?.
No, no I didn't stay there last night.
Thanks.
- Everything all right? - Uh-hum.
I just thought you two were in training for domestic bliss.
When did you know? That you loved her? Why you asking me that? When does anyone know? You're a keeper, you tell me.
Morning.
How's the hangover? All right, yeah.
I think I got away with it.
I just got to go photocopy these things.
I didn't expect you in today.
You walked in on them? - No, the door was open.
- They're actually having an affair? No! Apparently it was just a one night thing.
Has Frankie always been Well, she's always been out with girls but I know she's - fucked a couple of guys here and there.
- Is that I mean, have you ever? And Jay? Jay'd probably fuck you if you had tits.
What is this? Early birthday present.
Argh, you remembered.
- But you're not allowed to open it.
- I'm going to open it! Ah! Ah, that's so sweet! Thank you.
- It's you and me, Mykonos '08! - Yeah.
Look at your pasty little chest.
So what we doing for it? Er, there's not much to celebrate.
It's your 30th! Exactly.
By now I was supposed to be guesting on-stage having already built up a Hollywood fan base.
Instead it's like I'm in some shit version of Groundhog Day.
It's not that bad.
Well.
So we're what, successful? There's no point dressing it up.
But what am I doing about it? What are you doing about it? You've got this great book - Did you read it? - Yeah.
- And? - It's brilliant.
But instead of getting it out there you're here drinking tea.
Where's the drive, the bloody-minded determination to push your life to the next level? I've sent it off.
Oh! - Well done.
- Just to some agents.
I was going to ask if yours had a literary division, actually.
No.
I don't think so.
Um I mean, I could ask? I was going to pop in today actually, big push and all that - Hey.
- Hey.
I'm sorry about last night, the police and everything.
It's no excuse I saw my uncle after - you gave me Alma's details.
- And what'd he say? That she didn't want me.
So she is your mother? Yeah.
- What now? - I don't know.
It's not like I've got any way of finding her even if she wanted to be found.
Well, if you do get another lead, try leaving me a message instead of going nuclear.
Yeah, speak to you later.
Well nice to see you two getting on again.
The site is an old school but the developers are doing an appraisal to turn it into flats.
- They've asked us for our input.
- No way Don't worry, the orphans have all been rehoused.
No.
This is where we went.
You were schoolgirls together? Yeah, uniforms and everything.
We were a couple of years apart.
You know I wouldn't mind going back.
I could take some pictures.
The brochure's almost done.
You just need to choose the photos that you want.
I'll do the school as part of the same fee.
That's really not necessary No, hang on! Anything that improves the pitch Unless you think your personal feelings could cloud your judgement again.
- They won't.
- Right.
Perfect.
I'll expect something on my desk when I get back from Germany then.
What's his problem? Doesn't matter.
I had it in my head that I wanted a fry up, right? So I went to this all-night cafe, fell asleep, and by the time - I woke up it was time to come in - Really? I swear - Here, I'll phone the estate agents right now.
- No, you won't, cos we're not doing it.
Becks? I want you.
All this stuff can wait till we're both ready, ok? - But don't think going AWOL's the way to get round me - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I love you, ok? I want what you want.
I promise.
- I'll see you later.
- Bye.
See you.
Hey.
What are you doing? Nicotine? - Right.
- Jay! - It was only a fuck.
- Listen.
It was a fucking mistake.
Yeah, well, it was both of us.
I didn't have to twist your dick.
I just want to forget about this, ok? - I already have.
- Hello! - Hey.
- Hands up if your head hurts today.
Yeah.
What you doing here? I wanted to talk about Tess' birthday.
Is my sister around? I could get a new haircut.
Like a pixie bob, accentuate my cheekbones, fringe over the wrinkles? It isn't as if I haven't been trying for you, Tess, but I know.
You have seen most of the casting directors in Scotland.
And? And the feedback I get is you have a tendency to What? Too physical? I don't project enough? Be a little negative.
- What? - You did cry at audition.
Once! Then there was the balcony incident at the Shakespeare workshop.
Romeo had a hard-on! So what do I do, Saphia? Cheer up.
You're an actress contort your face into a smile and be happy! Hello? Er, yes, I'm just finishing with a client - Oh, Tess smile.
- Ok! - She said she didn't want a fuss.
- Oh she always says that.
But I think that's exactly what she needs after all the Lou stuff.
- Yeah, well, you are the Tess expert.
- What are you thinking? Surprise The Dykes of Hazard.
Friday night at Gravity.
Country and western.
- Tess does love it.
- It's got Kenny Rogered, Billy Gay Cyrus Playing to a bunch of hen nights in stetsons Yeah, and how are we going to get her down there without her realising? Why not do it at my flat? It's not like we haven't got the space.
As long as it doesn't get too messy again.
Messy how? The flat warming last night - Tess puked.
- I passed out.
You'd have hated it.
What do you think I am? That sounds exactly what you'd want from a party! Yeah, exactly.
Tess has been going on about the local.
- I could take her down there while you guys set up.
- Or I could? I mean, I already talked to her about doing something so if you guys say you're busy, if she does try to make other plans, then she'll have no other option.
Fine.
You all right? Yeah, it's just Hayley.
I feel like if I'd looked out for her a bit more she might still be in a job.
She's a big girl, Cat.
Someone gave her the ketamine.
She didn't say who? She wouldn't tell me.
She thinks I'm like a teacher or something.
You always were a bit of a girl scout.
Thanks.
No, in a good way! How's it good? You think about stuff, you don't just dive in.
Maybe a bit too much sometimes.
But at least it means you make good decisions.
You do the right thing.
I wish I was a bit more like that sometimes.
Jesus, I remember it being even bigger than this.
I think we were just smaller.
Well, I was.
I remember you being pretty well developed.
I think you should get some pictures.
Oh, God So you remember? Course I remember.
Every break time, you were up there writing 'lyrics'.
Only cos I knew your registration room was down there.
I used to get this great view down your shirt.
We used to wear skirts too remember? Worked both ways.
I can't believe they're still here.
You were watching way too much Cell Block H.
I was trying to impress you! It was my first time in detention.
I thought it's what you did! You were in here more than you were in class, you should've stopped me if it was so lame.
It wasn't lame I quite like having our names up there together.
You thought you were so cool.
What was it? "What you in for? Mine's the usual, smoking.
" It was better than yours! What was it? Flashing the PE teacher or something? I was campaigning for girls to be able to wear shorts.
It was a political protest! Mum went mental when she found out.
Marching in accusing the school of quashing free speech.
It was so embarrassing.
Well, that was one thing I never had to worry about.
Whatever happened with your mum we don't know the circumstances.
- She was young - She's not any more.
Give us a drag then.
You've given up! Just for old times' sake.
Cat! What? It's not like I'm taking up dick again, is it? This is the part where you're supposed to cough your lungs up.
Dib, dib, dib.
No! No evidence! No evidence! Get your hand out! It's sad it has to change Yeah? I thought you were all for leaving the past behind You did put that fag out, didn't you? Shit! I can't get through.
He's going to go ballistic when he gets back from Germany.
They say it's mostly just smoke damage.
The insurers'll have a field day.
It's not funny.
I'm not exactly employee of the month after all this intern shit.
Yeah.
That wasn't your fault.
Everything's my fault since he found out I like girls as opposed to middle-aged fat men in suits Two months ago he was talking about making me partner, now he's looking to demote me and I give him this.
Yeah, it wasn't your fault, Cat.
It was Jay.
Jay gave Hayley the gear.
I helped him cover it up at the time but I didn't realise it would put you in the shit.
What what was he even doing with her? I don't think anything happened.
Only because she passed out! I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
I just didn't want to grass him up.
I'm not blaming you.
Bloody Jay! So I get this call, and it's this specialist sci-fi agency asking if I 'do lunch'!? That was quick.
It was the main guy as well.
The company's named after him! Amazing I wonder if he'll have picked up on the same flaws I did.
Flaws? Yeah.
Like, it's brilliant and everything but - the main guy, whatsisname? - Sorin.
Yeah.
Why doesn't he just like, go for it with her? Well, that's kind-of the point.
He can't her species forbids it.
Well, he should.
Like, it's better than floating round space wondering what might have been.
But would she reciprocate? Well, you're the writer.
Make it happen.
Right, I make it shots o'clock.
Actually I'm going to leave it.
I want to have a clear head tomorrow for this meeting.
But it's Wednesday! We always do shots o'clock on a Wednesday.
Well, I'm having shots o'clock.
Oh, and I was thinking I probably should do something for my birthday.
Why the change of heart? Oh, it's my meeting Oh, yeah? It went well? Yeah.
Yeah, it turns out, um she still thought I was doing the runner's job, and now there's like a whole backlog - of auditions.
- Awesome! So I was thinking we could check out your new local? Hm, I wonder if it should be something bigger.
Like, really celebrate.
I'll speak to the others and see what they think.
Course, yeah.
Go for it.
Thanks for all your help.
Like we never left.
Listen, don't worry about Alistair.
It'll be fine.
Uh.
Looks like you've got company.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Yeah.
Hey.
Clarice let you off with a caution then? Yeah.
Couldn't get you on the phone.
Just wanted to make sure you were all right after yesterday? Yeah, I'm fine.
Busy day.
I didn't even make it into work.
I can barely remember anything that happened last night.
It's probably for the best.
- You coming up? - Yeah? I was only planning an early night but you can come up for an hour or so.
I think I'll leave you to it.
Maybe another time.
All right.
Whatever you think.
Night.
Honey, I'm home! Hey.
You smell of smoke Oh, I had a meeting on site.
You know what builders are like That smells amazing! You know, when I was younger I used to have this fantasy about Bewitched.
The girl band? No, I had that one too.
No, I mean the old TV show.
Where the witch marries a human and then she turns into the perfect '50s housewife? Are you seriously telling me that this does it for you? Uh-hum.
Each to their own.
You're not fucking anyone are you? No.
Come in - You all right? - Yeah, fine.
I was just wondering, are you doing anything on Friday night? I was thinking of doing something for my birthday.
- Shit.
Sorry, I said I'd work.
- Ah! I can try and get out of it, though.
No, no, no, it's ok! I wasn't going to do anything big.
- Sure? - Yeah, yeah.
It's fine.
Happy, happy! So I bumped into Ed earlier What, signing books in Waterstones, was he? It seems he knows about me and Jay Ah! You didn't seem that bothered earlier It's fine.
But you got to tell him it can't go any further.
Ok.
It could really mess things up for Jay and Becky.
No, I'm serious.
All right.
Cool.
I didn't know you'd taken up boxing - What? - FG Boxing.
I auditioned for a self defence radio ad but apparently I don't even sound fit.
I didn't hear a fucking bell! Get back to work! Can I help? This place just for boys or can anyone join in? We do girls too some of them are uglier than the boys though.
So how'd you hear about us? My flatmate has these.
- They work here? - I don't know.
This is a staff keyring.
I can't believe you stood there letting me take the flak - while you're the one doling out ketamine in the first place.
- I'm sorry.
- What about Becky? - What about her? I thought you were leaving all that snatch-hound shit behind I was! I am! Then what were you doing in the toilets with Hayley? Listen, you can talk! Back to school with Frankie, strolling down memory lane behind Sam's back.
- I was working! - Would Sam see it like that? I am happy with Sam! I'd never go back! She gave you head, made you breakfast and went to work.
What's the problem? I just I don't want to scare her off.
- I she's been a bit distant.
- Do you think it's the ex? I just think you're being paranoid.
Yeah? You like this one, right? A lot.
I didn't need to tell her though.
I tell women I love them all the time.
Yeah, that's when you're trying to fuck them.
What if they said it to you? Mm.
Saying I love you's like a gun fight.
If you draw first, you'd better not miss.
Girls' group classes are Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays.
You should check it out, they'll love you.
All right? Yeah, sorry.
Could you - could you get me a glass of water? - Yeah, no problem.
Back in a bit.
- Hello? - Hi, Catflaps, it's me.
Erm, what are you doing on Friday night? - Me and Sam have got gig tickets.
- Ah.
- Why's that? - Erm, er, it's nothing.
Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just I haven't seen you much since I moved out, but another time.
- How's Sam? - Yeah good.
Good.
You two must be loving it without me there.
Sex in the bath, sex on the sofa, rubbish in the bin.
Yeah, she's, er really making herself at home.
Don't sound too enthusiastic! No, no, I am.
I am.
It's just you don't want to hear about all this happy-clappy couply stuff.
Why not? I don't know.
Just How's the new place working out? Yeah, good Great view.
Frankie not keeping you up all night with Sadie? Not really.
No? Why you asking? No reason.
So, look, I'm sorry again about Friday.
I'll make it up to you, ok? Oh, no, no.
It's it's Ok.
Look, I'll, um I'll speak to you later.
Yeah, bye.
Hi! Erm, I just I've just moved in next door.
Um, haven't we met before? Maybe.
Um, well, this is going to sound really weird but, um I was wondering if, um do, er Er, if do you know any decent electricians in the area? Um, my lights have just gone out TV, radio, everything! You're in luck.
I'm a spark.
Right, um Um, you really don't have to do this I don't mind.
That's weird.
Um this was all not working a minute ago.
Er It's probably just your breaker.
-Right It's a little box? Usually up high, or built into your fittings.
Do you mind if I just No, no, go ahead.
And I'll just, um - Is it a little box, did you say? - Mm.
This is really kind of you.
Oh, um - Do you want me to? - Yeah, yeah thanks.
Hello? Yeah, yeah, can I ask who's calling? - Chloe? - Um oh, it's just - it's my ex - Ex - flatmate.
- Girlfriend.
- Thanks.
- I can go No, no, no no! Um yeah, this really isn't a good time, er, my neighbour, um, I just - Your breaker's fine by the way.
- Er, um no, no, no.
Wait! You, erm oh, no! What do you want? It's the same guy I met with Jay.
His name's Darren Morris, I recognise his picture.
If he's lying about the keyring, he could be connected to my past.
Are you going to go back? Be careful.
So, this one? Mm, do you think Tess'll be able to work the buttons? It's the future.
Don't tell me you're still using Milo? - What's wrong with Milo? - It rattled! I'm surprised you could hear it over your sound effects?! Um, do you reckon they giftwrap? Hiya Ok, we'll head back.
Thanks.
Alistair's landed.
Well, she sounded kind-of nervous but she said she wanted to meet up in person to tell me something big.
You don't think she wants to get back together, do you? Dunno.
- But you wouldn't, would you? - No.
Not after everything she put you through? God, no! I'd tell her to piss right off.
Um, but the way, you didn't say anything to anyone about the Jay and Frankie thing, did you? - No.
- Good.
Cos you mustn't.
What do you think I am? Well, Frankie said you almost let it slip I shouldn't have even told you! She's unbelievable.
Thinking she can just make up the rules.
What rules? Well, what is she? Is she les? Bi? Straight? Well, isn't that a bit out of date? - Yeah, but it matters! - Does it? Doesn't it? I mean, they do say sexuality's more of a fluid thing.
Well, I don't really want to think about the fluids.
No, but less black and white, more of a spectrum.
Well, I guess we are all just people bodies and stuff.
Exactly! So, technically anyone can love anyone? Yeah, I guess.
It was an accident.
Yeah, but it's not the first one you've had this month, is it? I don't know what's distracting you But if your mind's not on the job then I'm gonna have to seriously reconsider your position within this company.
- I'm so sorry.
- It was my fault! Cat was outside.
She had nothing to do with it.
- Frankie - Look, it was stupid.
But if Cat took responsibility for every stupid thing that I'd done she would have sectioned by now.
Maybe that's what the issue is here.
Responsibility.
If she can't look after a photographer, let alone an intern.
Well, that was me as well.
What? I gave Hayley the ketamine.
Right.
Get out! Yeah, my pleasure.
How much of this did you know about? I did warn you about her.
Sorry Dildo.
What the? Ah! Thanks for coming.
It's fine.
You're looking good.
- It's Botox.
- Botox? We're not going to stay looking young forever.
- You should think about it.
- Happy Birthday, Tess.
So that isn't what you wanted to see me for? - Sorry.
- No, no, it's ok.
I'd rather forget about it too.
So, what did you want? Well we did go out for quite a long time, didn't we? - Yeah.
- And that's got to count for something no matter what happened towards the end.
I suppose I'm not looking for your approval or permission or anything, but you're still a significant person in my life You remember Shona from Spanish? Yeah We're getting married.
Aargh! I know you were never keen on the whole civil partnership thing but I felt you had the right to know.
You were never that keen on monogamy with me! You've you've only been with her six months! It's eight months.
You're just bitter because I'm moving on with my life.
What? Settling down with the bride of Frankenstein? Off to the sperm bank with your turkey baster? I should've known you can't be happy for me.
Yeah, you should have.
You can't be happy for anyone because you're miserable and negative and think it's funny you're a loser.
That's why I dumped you.
But at least I respected you enough to want to speak to you in person.
Clearly I was wrong.
- Clearly you were.
- Bye, Tess.
- Have a nice life.
- Yeah, send me some cake.
Happy Birthday! Woop woop! Guess what, I've got an agent! Even bought me lunch.
With champagne.
Lots of champagne.
I'll tell you about it in the pub.
Don't be late.
So talk me through these new changes.
The astronaut bangs the alien, right? Well, it's more of a happy ending really Yes, you bloody will! Listen to me! Yes, you bloody will! Look, she's This is going to come back on you.
Back on you big time! I recognise his car.
You didn't knock after that? If those two know each other then fuck knows what I'm walking into.
Do you want me to see if Sam can look up this Darren Morris? No.
God, it's no wonder I'm such a fuck up.
You're not a fuck up.
I am.
Ok, you are, but But what? Tell me You know, you're the only one who's ever really known me.
I should go.
Sam's coming to mine before the party.
Yeah.
Course she is.
I'll see you there then.
Where am I going to get a cowboy outfit at this type of notice? Pigtails, blusher.
Sexy Pocahontas.
Is this a party or a role play? Bit of both I didn't think you wanted to know after the other day.
I've been having family problems.
Who hasn't? So, are you coming then? Tell me you want me there.
I want you there.
You were supposed to be here 20 minutes ago, we're going to be late.
I missed you too.
Where've you been? I got ambushed by my landlady.
It looks like I'm going to have to find somewhere else to live.
Are you all right? I didn't say anything.
You didn't have to.
I'm fine.
You've just been a little bit off with me over the last couple of days, that's all.
Sorry.
I've just had a really busy week.
It's my best friend's surprise party, I don't want to be late.
Yeah.
Ye-ha! Lady Luck must be a dyke.
I love this place! What can I say? I'm a rent girl.
I could probably help you find somewhere bigger than Jay's if you want mates rates, no strings.
Oh, that might be Tess.
How does she know what your place looks like? I don't know.
- Hey, cowgirl.
- Hey, cowboy.
- Sheriff - All right? - Nice place.
- Yeah, shame about the freeloaders.
- Drink? - Thanks.
I'll sort this out.
Ok.
Is she the one that stole my necklace? - What? - Sadie.
She gave it back.
Well, if you want Sadie, at least act like it.
Cat's taken.
Get over it.
You told her what I said to you? I didn't have to.
Listen, don't try too hard, all right? Cat told me she's more than happy with Sam and that's that.
I'm sorry.
- Wait, wait - What? I'm just going to see where the birthday girl is.
Yep.
I was here on time but there's no sign of her No Oh, hold on Tess! Who are you supposed to be? Jackie Onassis on an ASBO? What happened to you? Botox.
It was a birthday treat.
But I had a reaction.
It doesn't look that bad.
I'm not going out.
Oh, come on, it's your birthday.
- There's nothing to celebrate! - Tess! Chloe's getting married! At least it wasn't to tell you she had chlamydia.
- Hey! Whoa, Tess - What? Good riddance to her.
Yeah, but why does she have to ride off into the sunset while I accelerate into a lonely grave? - Hey, you've got loads of friends.
- Yeah, but not tonight though, eh? All too busy That's not true.
Yes, it is.
- I'm sorry.
- Hey.
Sorry.
I can't even fucking cry properly.
Arrgh.
Ssh.
Who cares about Chloe? Everything else is great.
You've got loads of auditions.
No, I haven't.
I lied.
But I couldn't tell you because you were doing so well.
Tess I got your message.
Congratulations.
I don't care about that.
You don't have to lie to me.
I was jealous! And scared that if you were a success, you wouldn't want to hang out with a loser like me any more.
Tess, you're not a loser! Ok? Tess, you're amazing.
You're beautiful, you're kind, you're talented.
And you don't even realise how funny you are, by accident and on purpose, and if the rest of the world can't see that then they're idiots.
But I can.
And I'll never leave you.
- Because I love you.
- Ah.
I love you too, Ed.
No.
I love you.
Like like a man loves a woman.
Tess? Tess! Tess, you said se you said sexuality was fluid.
Fuck! Hello? Frankie, she's coming Tess is coming! No! No, don't let her in! Quick! Someone get the music! Sssh! Surprise! Tess? Hey, what's up? Hey? Ssh Ed! What happened? What did you do? - I told her.
- You told her what? That I'm in love with her.
Are you? - No wonder you never pull! - Jay You do realise she's gay? Well, it didn't stop you with Frankie, did it? When? Is that where you were the other night? No No! Don't let anyone in.
- Tess? - Go away! - I'm sorry.
- What? We can still be friends.
I thought we were friends.
But all the time you were Just get out.
Can both both of you just get out.
All right.
Come on.
Ow! You fucking bitch.
- Becks.
- Don't fucking Becks me.
Is it true? Becky Becky! We should go.
Canape? Here Frankie, stop.
Come on.
Kiss me.
Frankie, stop.
What? Come on.
It isn't me you want.
Is it? It is tonight.
What? I really liked you, Frankie.
See you around.
- Don't go.
- Stop it.
I love you.
You could move in with me.
You you're sure? - We, we we never gave this a shot.
- Who's fault was that? Dig any deeper, you'll hurt yourself.
Try to find out, I'll hurt her too.
Some actress has dropped out of Uncle Vanya vat The Tron and they need to audition a new Sonia today.
Shit.
You don't think it's broken, do you? Why do you want her? We're just going to chat That's not what I meant.