Loaded (2017) s01e05 Episode Script
The Boat
1 Watto! Watto! Wat [PHONE RINGS.]
- Adam Watson speaking? - We're late for work.
We're late for work! I've only got another 31 laps, and then I'm good to go.
All right, well, get on with it.
We've got a game to make! If I'd have known about hamster-balling in my early 20s Just get on with it! Here I go! So? What do you think? Yeah.
I mean, - I guess.
- I think it's fun.
- Yeah, he likes it.
- Yeah, well, he's just saying that because he wants to get out of the caravan.
I would quite like to get out of the caravan, to be honest, mate.
I'm sensing fungus.
There's definitely spores.
I'm wheezing, listen.
Guys, no one's leaving until we finish the game.
Come on, boys, this used to be our spiritual palace, the Caravan of Dreams! The toilet's not working anymore.
It's just sort of churning it all around rather than Thank you, Watto, you certainly painted us a picture with words there.
Look, we made some fucking good games in this caravan, and this next one's going to be our masterpiece.
I'm not sure about this Viking chief, you know? He looks a bit like a rapist Aryan grandpa.
Josh, they're placeholder graphics.
Once we get Watto's artwork on there, it's going to be legendary.
I'm gonna go for a run, get the legs pumping! No, Watto, sit down.
Can everyone just stay positive and - [PHONE RINGS.]
- stay focused? Hey.
Yeah, in about five minutes, I reckon.
Ah, that sounds lovely.
Yeah.
Yeah, perhaps we should open a bottle of red to go with it? Yeah, anyone's fine.
Not that one.
OK.
Bye-byeâbye bye.
Bye-byeâbye bye-bye.
Right, if we're all finished ordering our dinner, what are you doing this weekend? - Abi.
- I'm gonna see if I can get my Segway out from the bottom of the pool.
I might throw a pot.
Yes, I bought a kiln.
Might join a pottery circle.
All right, well, can we cancel, please? I'm formally requesting your presence in the caravan this weekend.
- We need to finish the game! - Oh, come on, mate.
We've been stuck in here for two weeks.
We need to take a step back, - do other things.
- Look, I've told Casey that the four of us are gonna come up with something Well, no offence, but that's between you and her.
Now, I'm going back inside the house, and I'm going to help Abi cook a lamb tagine with lemon couscous, and I'd really like to see you try and stop me.
Josh, come on, get back to work, Josh.
Oh, Watto.
Oh, not you as well, you? Seriously, mate, I am in the shape of my life! Actually, it's been great.
Letting Leon lead on the game.
I mean, let him be mum for a while.
You know? And if Watto wants to let a firework off in the caravan, I'll just sit back and watch that baby burn.
- He really did that? - Yeah.
Catherine Wheel.
It was insane.
He went a bit weird after everything with his mum, but he's OK again now.
Did a bit of damage, but, you know, what do I care? I'm but a humble employee.
I clock in, I clock out.
OK, this part, the tuna, is lovely.
This part Disgusting.
So, this weekend, I was thinking farmers market.
We could stock up on some overpriced chutney.
I'm busy this weekend.
All right.
Got work, got to do some work.
Cool.
That's totally cool.
I thought you were working anyway? Get the game finished? Yeah.
Yeah, no, I'll just crack on with that.
Yeah.
Have you? [SLURPS.]
Oh, yeah.
That is lovely.
Really rich tannins.
Hmm? - How's the game looking? - Yeah, amazing.
Ewan is so excited about it, he can barely breathe.
Oh, good.
So it's done? - I can play it? - Yeah, almost.
Almost? - You said you'd have it.
- Er, we're just working on the visuals.
Make it snappy, cos we're announcing it at EDX.
Announcing what? The game, Leon, we're announcing the game.
But that's in like six weeks? - Three more seconds on this leg.
- Ahhh.
I booked the main stage in the big hall.
You're going on right after the Angry Birds guys and right before the Clash of Clans guys.
It's gonna be huge, Leon, huge.
I mean, the whole world's gonna be watching.
That's great! I'm I'm razzed about it.
I know you're gonna be under a lot of pressure between now and then, - so I want you to take Naomi.
- For me, I get a PA? Yeah, it's just till the game's done.
A man of your stature shouldn't be doing this shit on his own.
She's happy to grab your coffee, carry your bags, whatever you need.
I also manage Casey's diary and do all of her special appointments.
Whoa, no need to talk about my special appointments.
I don't know anything about Casey's special appointments.
Hip circles.
- That's great.
Casey, thank you.
- Just get the game finished.
And when you're done with her, you can pass her back.
Got it, got it.
God, I'm so psyched to play this game, Leon.
I love Vikings, you know? I really do.
Their whole outlook.
Plundering and sacking of villages, it's it's inspirational.
OK, catch you later.
Woo! OK, so what are we doing now? Let's go shopping.
Leon Harper.
This is my assistant, Naomi.
Casey's assistant.
He's borrowing me, because I just get passed around like a paperback, apparently.
I want to hire something for the weekend.
Oh.
Just a rental, is it? No, OK, that's fine.
Yeah, me and my mates need to get some work done.
I want to get them away from the distractions.
- Somewhere nice, you know? - Right.
Well, a couple of options.
This is the Fantasia.
Oo-wee! 82 feet long, cruising speed of 22 knots, capacity of 12.
Charter her for a week, she is - 120,000.
- Piss off! Sorry, that's 1â2â0 for the week? Gosh, that's a lot.
Well, there's option two.
This is the Blue Minnow.
She's such a cutie.
I love how compact she is and the great thing about a yacht like this is you park it next to the big one, there's plenty of shade, you see.
It's perfect for the mid-price budget.
Listen to me, I have money.
He actually does.
He has a lot of money.
Sure.
- How much money? - Let's just say a lot.
Like nine, ten million pounds.
Sir, a man of your standing shouldn't be renting.
I mean, you're not a student.
You should be looking to make a statement, and this Is a statement.
I mean, this is a roar.
You don't need to mince around, saying, 'Oh, I want your respect, ' when you're standing on the pure teak deck of your own 3,000-horsepower, 70-tonne yacht.
OK, you should definitely get the big one, like he says.
And I happen to know that they're willing to make a quick sale if you've got the cash.
And a little birdie tells me you've got the cash.
Do it, Leon.
Make a statement.
You know what? Boom, I'll take it.
- How much? - £33 million.
Oh, awesome.
Great.
Should be down the end here.
It doesn't bother you, Leon? People will think, 'Oh, look at that - flash wanker in his big, fat boat.
' - Yacht! - Flash wanker in his big, fat yacht! - Thing is, mate, - I don't really like boats.
- It's a yacht! I feel claustrophobic, too confined, but simultaneously, agoraphobic, too much space and sky and sea.
A couple of days away from everything, we finish the game and we go home.
You don't have a bag.
Oh, I'm wearing two sets of clothes.
Two t-shirts, two pants, four socks.
Track pants, underneath, a really thin pair of joggers.
Toothbrush, toothpaste, bar of soap.
I'm basically a walking overnight bag.
Wow! That's actually really clever.
Here she is.
Whoa! It's a mammoth.
I feel like I'm in a hip-hop video.
Yeah, Ewan, just like Jay-Z with your goose-down pillow.
Let's take it for a spin.
Er, yeah, we can't, mate.
I haven't got a licence, - and we're not insured.
- Great.
So you've essentially just bought a very pricey static caravan.
Whoa! Ladies first.
Well, it's polite.
Oh, look at it.
You was right, it's like the Big Pimpin' video.
Oh, right, no shoes on the carpet.
Shoe covers to be worn at all times.
- Why does it stink of bleach? - That's not bleach, that's the sea.
We're not on the sea.
You hired a crewman.
Oh, yeah, I totally forgot.
Leon Harper.
Do we salute, or - No, not really.
- Cool.
I thought that.
Well, ahoy there.
Welcome aboard.
Right.
The sun is shining, we're on a yacht.
Let's make gaming history.
What has gotten into him? - Do you want a hand? - I'm fine, thanks.
Who's the princess who brought his own pillow? - Oh, erm - Let me guess, - Captain Pugwash? - Yeah, yeah.
Big bloody princess.
Anyroad up, onwards and downwards.
I'm gonna go and do some burpees on the top deck.
Can we close these blinds, please? Everywhere I look, all I can see is white, male privilege.
Just - Internet isn't working.
Brilliant.
- What's this? There's a stain on the couch.
This router is so old.
It's not coming off.
Great.
No wonder I got such a good deal.
Right, yeah, they are fucking hard.
So, how's it going then? With the new game? Oh, it's amazing.
Once we get the new graphics implemented, it's gonna be great.
Yeah, well, maybe.
I have my reservations.
Sorry about everything with your mum.
- I hope you're OK.
- Oh, no, it's cool.
She sent me Well, she posted on Facebook, and she's in South Africa.
So that's good.
And she got her money in the end.
Do you need some help? Hi.
Yeah, hi.
Can I help you? Hello.
OK, then.
OK, bye.
What was that? That, my friends was a frisson.
That wasn't a frisson.
- Do you like him? - I don't know.
Maybe.
OK, yes, I'm basically in love with him.
Oh, easy, Ewan.
Slow down.
Well, why don't you just try flirting with him then? - And don't be weird.
- Erm, - I was flirting.
That was me flirting.
- That wasn't flirting.
- That's how I flirt.
- Show me.
Pretend I'm the chef and flirt with me.
What time is it? I'm not telling you until you flirt with me.
That was me flirting.
I Unbelievable.
Oh, my God.
Excuse me.
I don't suppose you, erm happen to know the time? I don't have a watch.
But you have.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, as late as that.
Ahh.
Is there anything else I can help you with? No, no, I really was just quite curious about the time.
Shame.
I was hoping it was because you wanted to do that.
Yeah yes.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Oh, it's my mum.
Mums? OK, Naomi.
What the hell is going on there? - Tell me everything.
- We're on a boat, everything smells of bleach, and Ewan brought a big pillow.
You're on a boat? What the fuck is this? Speed 2: Cruise Control? Leon bought it.
They're trying to fix the game.
Look, I am at a wedding in Sardinia, and there are Murdochs here.
I can smell them.
So, just get me the build of the game and e-mail it over, OK? I don't know about this, Casey.
- I feel quite bad.
- Naomi.
My sweet Naomi.
You're my right hand and you know that, cos I tell you all the time.
OK, well, I'm telling you now.
Can you just help me out here? For the sisterhood.
All right, I'll do it.
Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? You've gone all Dalek-y again.
Josh? Can you just forget about her for two days and do some work? What is it, Leon? What is it about me and Abi - that you just cannot stand? - Abi! Yeah.
Because you don't like strong women, because they scare you.
Just because she farted in my car doesn't make her a strong woman.
Oh, yes, it does.
And it frightens you.
Mate, I'm just trying to look out for you.
Well, I don't want you to! All right? I preferred it if you just stayed out of it.
- Oh, yeah? - She cares about me, Leon.
OK? She feeds me, she looks after me, she loves me.
She doesn't lock me in a caravan and force me to work like some Victorian child slave for weeks on end.
Why is she still seeing Greg, then? What did you fucking say? It's true, I'm sorry.
I did some digging.
I was going to tell you after we fixed the game, because I didn't want to derail you.
What do you mean you did some digging? What does that mean? Nothing.
You've been following my girlfriend? No.
I paid someone and he did it.
You paid a stranger to follow my girlfriend? The guy's a professional.
He's a stand-up guy.
- He's got a website and everything.
- Let me see.
Let me see.
Carl Goldfarb? Private investigator.
Oh, he's fucking Mossad! Now ex-Mossad.
You had Mossad follow my girlfriend? Look, it was just when you got back together and I must have forgotten to cancel it.
You know, like when you subscribe to Netflix? No, Leon, this is not like when you subscribe to Netflix.
Look, I just wanted to check out what her motives were.
You know what it's like.
When the money comes in, it just sends - everyone a bit funny.
- Oh, really? Says Blofeld from the lounge of his giant yacht! All right, mate, well, he's compiled a report Oh, my God.
There is a dossier.
Well, if you ever want to see it No! I don't want to read the dossier, because that is a gross invasion of my girlfriend's privacy.
Actually, yeah, I do want to read the dossier, but only because I want to see just how far over the line you've gone this time, Leon.
Knock-knock! Hello? Yeah, can I help you? I'm from next door.
Are you forensics? No, I'm the new owner.
Right.
So, the inquest's all over? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Oh, sorry.
I just assumed they would've told you when you bought it.
Thing is, Hugo, previous owner, he died on board.
He shot himself.
He shot his wife, then shot himself.
In this room.
Right, I'm Well, I'm pretty sure they did not mention it when I bought it.
Murder at the marina.
How very Brett Easton Ellis.
And where out of interest, where did this happen? Yeah, pretty much exactly where you're sitting.
Sure.
Sure it did.
Husband or wife in this spot? So sad.
They both sort of slumped together.
Two slumpy bodies.
Right, then! Going to go and get some fresh air! Yeah, think I might join you.
Never had sex in a kitchen before.
In your face, the Food Standards Agency.
No, but in all seriousness, my buttocks and, at one point, my actual penis did graze the worktop, so you might want to Dettol quite heavily, actually.
- In these two areas.
- Don't worry.
I'll sort it.
You probably do this all the time, don't you? Bonking at work.
It's such a randy environment, isn't it? Look at the Navy, out on their submarines.
Giant submersible gang bangs.
The guests are usually rich twats who behave like animals, wiping their arses on towels and stuff.
Crikey.
Must have the wash your towels on a very hot temperature.
If not just a straight up boil wash.
They're just so out of touch with the world.
It's like money just turns them into total wankers.
God, yeah.
It can happen, it can happen.
They're just different to us.
But you'd know that.
How long have you worked for them? Hmm? Oh, God.
Me? Yeah, ages.
The big, rich shitheads.
And I thought the endless swimming pool was eerie.
I don't think this is working, Leon.
Oh, stop being such a baby.
It's a murder suicide.
Grow a pair.
You probably shouldn't have bought this boat.
- The murder boat.
- Yacht.
Murder yacht.
Can we focus? Streets away.
I can't believe I'm reading this.
This dossier is a disgrace.
It is an intrusion into the private life of my girlfriend.
Yeah, and you're probably not interested in this, but it does offer remote surveillance in terms of a - drone.
- Drones? Ha, what's next? Remote missile strikes? Nothing is going on, Leon, all right? I'm going to prove it to you.
I'm going to call her right now.
OK, guys, quick announcement.
Firstly, I just fucked a guy in the kitchen.
Secondly, he kind of thinks I'm your butler, so if you'd all play along with that, I'd be mightily grateful.
- OK? - Butler? Ewan, who the fuck has a butler? Lady Penelope.
ABI: Hey, Josh.
How's the game going? Fine, fine.
Yeah, yeah.
- What are you up to? - Nothing much.
Just left yours.
Right.
I thought you were at work.
No, I am.
I'm going for a walk first.
All right.
Where are you going? She's got my dongle.
Can I maybe call you back later? Er, OK.
OK, then.
Yeah.
What are you doing? Nothing.
Shopping.
For tights.
Are you? Are you e-mailing Casey? What?! No! Am I? God, I am so shit with computers.
Were you going to send her the game? Are you spying on us? You're a spy.
- You're human malware.
- Oh.
I thought you were on our side.
She made me! She's very persuasive.
She's like the snake in The Jungle Book.
Would anyone like me to draw them a bath? Any ironing? Call her right now.
Tell her you played the game and it is amazing.
I could press your suit for you if you like.
Can you just shut the fuck up for two minutes, please, Ewan? And can everyone get back to work? She wouldn't Would she? Abi? Not with Greg.
Would she? I mean, why would she? Why wouldn't she? He's taller, fitter, happier.
He is very tall.
Yeah.
No, he is Quite tall.
Hi, is this Carl Goldfarb? Yeah, this is Josh Connors.
You been looking into my girlfriend, Abi.
Carl? Send in the drone.
You shouldn't let them talk to you like that, you know.
It's fine.
I know my place.
What are what are you doing? Spitting in their food.
Wow.
- You must really hate them.
- Yeah.
- What's not to hate? - No, totally, I agree.
That's what I'm saying.
What the heck? I'm not very good at spitting.
It's the only reason I didn't become a professional footballer.
You don't think less of me, do you? I only spit, I don't wank.
Gosh, I hope not.
Not in the gazpacho, anyway, that wouldn't work at all.
Give that to Leon.
CASEY: So, what have you got for me? I've played the game and it's brilliant.
Best game I've ever played.
And I play Tetris.
They know, don't they? You've been compromised.
They totally know.
I've totally been compromised.
Come on.
Come on, look, just get back out there, pretend to them that I'm cool with everything, play the game, and then tell me what they have, and then you're all done.
OK? Why am I the only one working? There's Ewan? I think he's too busy working on the crew boy's dick.
He should be working on the game.
Look at that water, there.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, but look at it, though.
Yeah, I'm looking at it.
No, but really look at it, though.
Watto, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, no, she bought it.
She's totally fine about everything.
Oh, she knew, didn't she? She totally knew.
I've totally been compromised again.
To be honest, being a single agent was difficult.
Being a double agent was more or less impossible.
Oh, good, you're back.
What are you doing? - Just watching something.
- What? Nothing.
Drone footage of Abi.
You have a drone following your girlfriend? Yeah, just so I can prove to Leon that nothing's going on.
Can we moved in closer to the target, please? - Closer to the target, thank you.
- Dinner is served.
Don't eat it, we spat in it.
- Why? - It was an act of love.
Gazpacho! Gazpacho.
It's got saliva in it.
Gazpacho.
I spat in that.
I am on your side.
I just wanted you to know that.
That's not That's not my mum.
No, can't be.
And you guys seem really nice.
You seem really nice.
You're not going to believe this.
I've just seen my bloody mum.
Yeah.
She came back! Can you believe that?! My mum?! I knew she'd come back.
OK.
Excuse me.
One second.
She came back! We have a problem.
Watto's off the wagon.
- What do you mean? - He's high.
He's talking about seeing his mum.
It's a Chinese man in a fishing boat.
Shit.
I wonder if she can hear me.
Mum! Hey! Mum! Oh, shit, shit.
Josh, Ewan, a word, please, in the engine room, now.
We have a problem.
I think Watto maybe accidentally drank some water with a tab of acid in it and now he thinks he's seeing his mum.
- In what sense, sorry? - What are you talking about? Erm, I been doing this thing to myself.
I've been micro-dosing with small amount of LSD and now Watto has - drank, like, all of it.
- You spiked Watto? No, not deliberately.
I saw it on Reddit.
Everyone's doing it.
It's like homoeopathic drug-taking, but it works.
- Jesus Christ.
- Is he OK? Yeah, he's fine, but I think we should all just act very normal around him.
I don't want to freak him out and push him over the edge.
You took acid because of something you saw on Reddit.
Are you insane? I just wanted to give myself a little boost.
It's all right for you, you're the creative one.
I needed some help, and this new game, I I just wanted it to work so bad.
And this was your solution, was it? Bring your mates out to a murder scene and spike them with acid? God! Here you go, mate.
Nice glass of lovely water.
She's still out there.
Like a mermaid.
Like a mer mum.
Josh told me what you did.
- I didn't mean to.
- What in this water, Leon? Rohypnol? I'm going to make him a sandwich now, without any drugs in it.
She's going to Gina's house! Everyone! She's just going to Gina's house! Panic over.
Oh.
Hey, Ewan.
It's the butler.
Ewan, the butler.
Hello.
May I be of assistance? It's weird, because you look like a butler, even though you're not a butler.
You're just plain old Ewan, the millionaire.
But, in my eyes, you look like a butler.
You look like Alfred out of Batman.
- What's he talking about? - Oh, shit.
Was I not meant to say anything in front of him? Oh, mate, I'm so sorry.
How much? 13.
9 million, plus another 29 million in stock options.
Jesus Christ.
If it takes the edge off, can't really touch them.
- Stock options run over three years.
- Yeah, that's not the point.
The point is you lied to me.
It's - It's patronising.
- And I'm sorry.
You know what? You're just a rich twat like them.
No.
Yes, I am twat, but I was like that before, I can't help it.
It's like a disability.
I should be on benefits.
- Oh, so you want even more money? - No, I'm just saying the money didn't make me into a twat.
I came pre-twatted.
I thought it was weird.
Who has a butler? Oh, no, no, no, no She's going into Greg's house.
You were right.
Sorry, mate.
What the hell is that? Someone switched the engine on.
Oh, shit.
Watto.
Shit! Mum! Mum! Why is she sailing away from me? Watto, mate, what are you doing? I want to talk to Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! [MUSIC: Ride Like The Wind by Christopher Cross.]
Mum! Guys, we're going very fast towards that landmass! Watto, drop the anchor! You're going to crash my boat! Yacht! It a yacht, Leon! Oh, shit! We're getting a bit close to the edge, boys! Mum! Mum! Get him off! Get him off! Let go! [LOUD THUMP.]
[WATTO CACKLES.]
Yep.
You grounded it.
We're going to be stuck here for six hours before the tide changes.
No, that's too long, I'm afraid.
I need to get in contact with my girlfriend quite urgently.
- She's not picking up.
- Oh, OK.
Oh, well, in that case, we just need to find some way to control the gravitational pull of the Moon.
- Maybe you can try and bribe it.
- Calum, please, can we just talk about it? Everything's going to shit, Leon.
I'm going to go and spy on Abbey.
Um, you going to be all right up here by yourself, mate? Run like the wind And you were a cool mum, which was always great.
You know, a mum with the car, with the top down, but I think what I really needed was a normal mum.
You know? I needed a good bollocking every now and again, because we used to share fags on the way back from Scouts, and that's just not on, Mum.
Not for a 12-year-old, it's just not.
So I don't know what you want to do about our relationship in the future, but I'm going to leave that in your court.
Because I'm not going to run around after you any more.
I'm tired of chasing after you.
Do you understand? [HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE.]
OK, good.
Come on, let's hug.
Let's hug.
Hey, Naomi.
One last favour as my PA would you play the game for me? I think just need someone to let me know it was all worthwhile.
Also, I think I got the dosage wrong.
My, erm My hands seem to be growing.
Creamy mushroom pasta, sir.
You've jizzed in that one, haven't you? Hmm.
[LEON CLEARS THROAT.]
Can I help you? It's none of my business, but he's actually a great guy once you get to know him.
It took me about two years to break through the outer crust and get to the good stuff, but it was worth it.
My God, she's coming out.
She's coming out! Wait a minute, wait a minute.
She just went to get her stuff! She's just been to get her stuff back.
- Great.
- Oh Oh, Abbey.
I just wanted to hear your voice.
I'm over at yours again, is that OK? My place is so cold.
Of course.
Help yourself to wine.
Oh, thank you, I will.
I saw Greg.
I was going to wait until you got back, but I just wanted to tell you.
Oh, really? No way.
Yeah, he wanted to stay friends.
We went for pizza once, because he was upset, but I thought, "No, I can't do that.
" I love you, Josh.
I love you, too.
God, it's so nice seeing you smile Hearing you smile.
Sorry.
I should be more open with you.
No, no.
We all have our secrets.
So, when are you going to be back? - I don't know.
Tomorrow.
- Damn it.
You're away, and the batteries have gone flat in my vibrator.
Just use the ones from my bike lights.
Good thinking! Josh, there's a fucking drone in your back garden.
You were right.
I did jizz in it.
Sorry for lying.
Also, I'm sick of being sorry.
I just go around apologising for having money all the time, and I can't help it.
I don't particularly want it.
I never really thought about it.
But once you get it, it is quite sticky, and you get covered in it.
And you think you're acting normally, but the thing that scares me is, what happens when you can't tell any more? One day, you're normal, and the next, you're You're Russell Crowe.
I know a really nice pub not far from here.
Well, we can't, Watto's got the only lifeboat.
Well, algae, that's point A.
Weil's disease, that's point B.
Do you want me to carry on? Oh, my God.
Ready? Yeah.
Sweet Jesus, it's freezing! You all right, mate? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
I spoke to Mum, I let off some steam.
I'm And I got some fish.
I feel really, really awake.
I feel like I've taken something, but I haven't taken something.
Why do I feel like I've taken something? Come on, mate, let's get you home.
Aw, look at the mess I made of your deck.
- I'll clean it, I'll clean it.
- You haven't got to worry about that.
No, I'm so wired, I've got to do something.
I feel like I've taken something, but I haven't taken something.
Why do I feel like I've taken something? Whoa! OK, mate.
Have fun.
How's Watto? Good.
How's the game? Sorry, I just don't get it.
It's like that Farmville one, only not as good, and a lot more racist towards Scandinavians.
[PHONE RINGS.]
- What are you going to tell her? - OK, what have you got for me? OK, well, I quit.
I'm not doing this any more.
It's the weekend, and I was supposed to be at my mate's house party, but does anyone give a shit? Instead I'm stuck on a death boat with a load of maniacs, apart from Watto, who's fucking lovely, eating soup with spit in it.
The game's shit.
They've tried, they have, but it is.
My job is shit, and my life is shit.
Is that enough for you? You know what I say to that? I'll give you a pay bump.
- All right, fine.
- See you Monday.
Watto's come back.
Come on, let's take a life boat and go home.
No, I'm not leaving, I'll go down with the ship.
Well, that's very Dido of you.
I didn't want to tell you this, Josh, cause I didn't want to scare you, but we're announcing the game in six weeks on the main stage at EDX.
OK, you know, once Maybe once we get the graphics implemented Oh, Josh, you were right, it's shit.
It's no good.
Now I know why Hugo shot himself.
Or shot his wife, and then shot himself.
Leon, we've got an iPhone game that doesn't work.
It's hardly murder-suicide time, is it? You've got something, haven't you? A little seed for a new game? No.
Actually, no.
Boys! Boys! Now, don't quote me on this, but I might have just had a really incredible idea for a game.
- Adam Watson speaking? - We're late for work.
We're late for work! I've only got another 31 laps, and then I'm good to go.
All right, well, get on with it.
We've got a game to make! If I'd have known about hamster-balling in my early 20s Just get on with it! Here I go! So? What do you think? Yeah.
I mean, - I guess.
- I think it's fun.
- Yeah, he likes it.
- Yeah, well, he's just saying that because he wants to get out of the caravan.
I would quite like to get out of the caravan, to be honest, mate.
I'm sensing fungus.
There's definitely spores.
I'm wheezing, listen.
Guys, no one's leaving until we finish the game.
Come on, boys, this used to be our spiritual palace, the Caravan of Dreams! The toilet's not working anymore.
It's just sort of churning it all around rather than Thank you, Watto, you certainly painted us a picture with words there.
Look, we made some fucking good games in this caravan, and this next one's going to be our masterpiece.
I'm not sure about this Viking chief, you know? He looks a bit like a rapist Aryan grandpa.
Josh, they're placeholder graphics.
Once we get Watto's artwork on there, it's going to be legendary.
I'm gonna go for a run, get the legs pumping! No, Watto, sit down.
Can everyone just stay positive and - [PHONE RINGS.]
- stay focused? Hey.
Yeah, in about five minutes, I reckon.
Ah, that sounds lovely.
Yeah.
Yeah, perhaps we should open a bottle of red to go with it? Yeah, anyone's fine.
Not that one.
OK.
Bye-byeâbye bye.
Bye-byeâbye bye-bye.
Right, if we're all finished ordering our dinner, what are you doing this weekend? - Abi.
- I'm gonna see if I can get my Segway out from the bottom of the pool.
I might throw a pot.
Yes, I bought a kiln.
Might join a pottery circle.
All right, well, can we cancel, please? I'm formally requesting your presence in the caravan this weekend.
- We need to finish the game! - Oh, come on, mate.
We've been stuck in here for two weeks.
We need to take a step back, - do other things.
- Look, I've told Casey that the four of us are gonna come up with something Well, no offence, but that's between you and her.
Now, I'm going back inside the house, and I'm going to help Abi cook a lamb tagine with lemon couscous, and I'd really like to see you try and stop me.
Josh, come on, get back to work, Josh.
Oh, Watto.
Oh, not you as well, you? Seriously, mate, I am in the shape of my life! Actually, it's been great.
Letting Leon lead on the game.
I mean, let him be mum for a while.
You know? And if Watto wants to let a firework off in the caravan, I'll just sit back and watch that baby burn.
- He really did that? - Yeah.
Catherine Wheel.
It was insane.
He went a bit weird after everything with his mum, but he's OK again now.
Did a bit of damage, but, you know, what do I care? I'm but a humble employee.
I clock in, I clock out.
OK, this part, the tuna, is lovely.
This part Disgusting.
So, this weekend, I was thinking farmers market.
We could stock up on some overpriced chutney.
I'm busy this weekend.
All right.
Got work, got to do some work.
Cool.
That's totally cool.
I thought you were working anyway? Get the game finished? Yeah.
Yeah, no, I'll just crack on with that.
Yeah.
Have you? [SLURPS.]
Oh, yeah.
That is lovely.
Really rich tannins.
Hmm? - How's the game looking? - Yeah, amazing.
Ewan is so excited about it, he can barely breathe.
Oh, good.
So it's done? - I can play it? - Yeah, almost.
Almost? - You said you'd have it.
- Er, we're just working on the visuals.
Make it snappy, cos we're announcing it at EDX.
Announcing what? The game, Leon, we're announcing the game.
But that's in like six weeks? - Three more seconds on this leg.
- Ahhh.
I booked the main stage in the big hall.
You're going on right after the Angry Birds guys and right before the Clash of Clans guys.
It's gonna be huge, Leon, huge.
I mean, the whole world's gonna be watching.
That's great! I'm I'm razzed about it.
I know you're gonna be under a lot of pressure between now and then, - so I want you to take Naomi.
- For me, I get a PA? Yeah, it's just till the game's done.
A man of your stature shouldn't be doing this shit on his own.
She's happy to grab your coffee, carry your bags, whatever you need.
I also manage Casey's diary and do all of her special appointments.
Whoa, no need to talk about my special appointments.
I don't know anything about Casey's special appointments.
Hip circles.
- That's great.
Casey, thank you.
- Just get the game finished.
And when you're done with her, you can pass her back.
Got it, got it.
God, I'm so psyched to play this game, Leon.
I love Vikings, you know? I really do.
Their whole outlook.
Plundering and sacking of villages, it's it's inspirational.
OK, catch you later.
Woo! OK, so what are we doing now? Let's go shopping.
Leon Harper.
This is my assistant, Naomi.
Casey's assistant.
He's borrowing me, because I just get passed around like a paperback, apparently.
I want to hire something for the weekend.
Oh.
Just a rental, is it? No, OK, that's fine.
Yeah, me and my mates need to get some work done.
I want to get them away from the distractions.
- Somewhere nice, you know? - Right.
Well, a couple of options.
This is the Fantasia.
Oo-wee! 82 feet long, cruising speed of 22 knots, capacity of 12.
Charter her for a week, she is - 120,000.
- Piss off! Sorry, that's 1â2â0 for the week? Gosh, that's a lot.
Well, there's option two.
This is the Blue Minnow.
She's such a cutie.
I love how compact she is and the great thing about a yacht like this is you park it next to the big one, there's plenty of shade, you see.
It's perfect for the mid-price budget.
Listen to me, I have money.
He actually does.
He has a lot of money.
Sure.
- How much money? - Let's just say a lot.
Like nine, ten million pounds.
Sir, a man of your standing shouldn't be renting.
I mean, you're not a student.
You should be looking to make a statement, and this Is a statement.
I mean, this is a roar.
You don't need to mince around, saying, 'Oh, I want your respect, ' when you're standing on the pure teak deck of your own 3,000-horsepower, 70-tonne yacht.
OK, you should definitely get the big one, like he says.
And I happen to know that they're willing to make a quick sale if you've got the cash.
And a little birdie tells me you've got the cash.
Do it, Leon.
Make a statement.
You know what? Boom, I'll take it.
- How much? - £33 million.
Oh, awesome.
Great.
Should be down the end here.
It doesn't bother you, Leon? People will think, 'Oh, look at that - flash wanker in his big, fat boat.
' - Yacht! - Flash wanker in his big, fat yacht! - Thing is, mate, - I don't really like boats.
- It's a yacht! I feel claustrophobic, too confined, but simultaneously, agoraphobic, too much space and sky and sea.
A couple of days away from everything, we finish the game and we go home.
You don't have a bag.
Oh, I'm wearing two sets of clothes.
Two t-shirts, two pants, four socks.
Track pants, underneath, a really thin pair of joggers.
Toothbrush, toothpaste, bar of soap.
I'm basically a walking overnight bag.
Wow! That's actually really clever.
Here she is.
Whoa! It's a mammoth.
I feel like I'm in a hip-hop video.
Yeah, Ewan, just like Jay-Z with your goose-down pillow.
Let's take it for a spin.
Er, yeah, we can't, mate.
I haven't got a licence, - and we're not insured.
- Great.
So you've essentially just bought a very pricey static caravan.
Whoa! Ladies first.
Well, it's polite.
Oh, look at it.
You was right, it's like the Big Pimpin' video.
Oh, right, no shoes on the carpet.
Shoe covers to be worn at all times.
- Why does it stink of bleach? - That's not bleach, that's the sea.
We're not on the sea.
You hired a crewman.
Oh, yeah, I totally forgot.
Leon Harper.
Do we salute, or - No, not really.
- Cool.
I thought that.
Well, ahoy there.
Welcome aboard.
Right.
The sun is shining, we're on a yacht.
Let's make gaming history.
What has gotten into him? - Do you want a hand? - I'm fine, thanks.
Who's the princess who brought his own pillow? - Oh, erm - Let me guess, - Captain Pugwash? - Yeah, yeah.
Big bloody princess.
Anyroad up, onwards and downwards.
I'm gonna go and do some burpees on the top deck.
Can we close these blinds, please? Everywhere I look, all I can see is white, male privilege.
Just - Internet isn't working.
Brilliant.
- What's this? There's a stain on the couch.
This router is so old.
It's not coming off.
Great.
No wonder I got such a good deal.
Right, yeah, they are fucking hard.
So, how's it going then? With the new game? Oh, it's amazing.
Once we get the new graphics implemented, it's gonna be great.
Yeah, well, maybe.
I have my reservations.
Sorry about everything with your mum.
- I hope you're OK.
- Oh, no, it's cool.
She sent me Well, she posted on Facebook, and she's in South Africa.
So that's good.
And she got her money in the end.
Do you need some help? Hi.
Yeah, hi.
Can I help you? Hello.
OK, then.
OK, bye.
What was that? That, my friends was a frisson.
That wasn't a frisson.
- Do you like him? - I don't know.
Maybe.
OK, yes, I'm basically in love with him.
Oh, easy, Ewan.
Slow down.
Well, why don't you just try flirting with him then? - And don't be weird.
- Erm, - I was flirting.
That was me flirting.
- That wasn't flirting.
- That's how I flirt.
- Show me.
Pretend I'm the chef and flirt with me.
What time is it? I'm not telling you until you flirt with me.
That was me flirting.
I Unbelievable.
Oh, my God.
Excuse me.
I don't suppose you, erm happen to know the time? I don't have a watch.
But you have.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, as late as that.
Ahh.
Is there anything else I can help you with? No, no, I really was just quite curious about the time.
Shame.
I was hoping it was because you wanted to do that.
Yeah yes.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Oh, it's my mum.
Mums? OK, Naomi.
What the hell is going on there? - Tell me everything.
- We're on a boat, everything smells of bleach, and Ewan brought a big pillow.
You're on a boat? What the fuck is this? Speed 2: Cruise Control? Leon bought it.
They're trying to fix the game.
Look, I am at a wedding in Sardinia, and there are Murdochs here.
I can smell them.
So, just get me the build of the game and e-mail it over, OK? I don't know about this, Casey.
- I feel quite bad.
- Naomi.
My sweet Naomi.
You're my right hand and you know that, cos I tell you all the time.
OK, well, I'm telling you now.
Can you just help me out here? For the sisterhood.
All right, I'll do it.
Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? You've gone all Dalek-y again.
Josh? Can you just forget about her for two days and do some work? What is it, Leon? What is it about me and Abi - that you just cannot stand? - Abi! Yeah.
Because you don't like strong women, because they scare you.
Just because she farted in my car doesn't make her a strong woman.
Oh, yes, it does.
And it frightens you.
Mate, I'm just trying to look out for you.
Well, I don't want you to! All right? I preferred it if you just stayed out of it.
- Oh, yeah? - She cares about me, Leon.
OK? She feeds me, she looks after me, she loves me.
She doesn't lock me in a caravan and force me to work like some Victorian child slave for weeks on end.
Why is she still seeing Greg, then? What did you fucking say? It's true, I'm sorry.
I did some digging.
I was going to tell you after we fixed the game, because I didn't want to derail you.
What do you mean you did some digging? What does that mean? Nothing.
You've been following my girlfriend? No.
I paid someone and he did it.
You paid a stranger to follow my girlfriend? The guy's a professional.
He's a stand-up guy.
- He's got a website and everything.
- Let me see.
Let me see.
Carl Goldfarb? Private investigator.
Oh, he's fucking Mossad! Now ex-Mossad.
You had Mossad follow my girlfriend? Look, it was just when you got back together and I must have forgotten to cancel it.
You know, like when you subscribe to Netflix? No, Leon, this is not like when you subscribe to Netflix.
Look, I just wanted to check out what her motives were.
You know what it's like.
When the money comes in, it just sends - everyone a bit funny.
- Oh, really? Says Blofeld from the lounge of his giant yacht! All right, mate, well, he's compiled a report Oh, my God.
There is a dossier.
Well, if you ever want to see it No! I don't want to read the dossier, because that is a gross invasion of my girlfriend's privacy.
Actually, yeah, I do want to read the dossier, but only because I want to see just how far over the line you've gone this time, Leon.
Knock-knock! Hello? Yeah, can I help you? I'm from next door.
Are you forensics? No, I'm the new owner.
Right.
So, the inquest's all over? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Oh, sorry.
I just assumed they would've told you when you bought it.
Thing is, Hugo, previous owner, he died on board.
He shot himself.
He shot his wife, then shot himself.
In this room.
Right, I'm Well, I'm pretty sure they did not mention it when I bought it.
Murder at the marina.
How very Brett Easton Ellis.
And where out of interest, where did this happen? Yeah, pretty much exactly where you're sitting.
Sure.
Sure it did.
Husband or wife in this spot? So sad.
They both sort of slumped together.
Two slumpy bodies.
Right, then! Going to go and get some fresh air! Yeah, think I might join you.
Never had sex in a kitchen before.
In your face, the Food Standards Agency.
No, but in all seriousness, my buttocks and, at one point, my actual penis did graze the worktop, so you might want to Dettol quite heavily, actually.
- In these two areas.
- Don't worry.
I'll sort it.
You probably do this all the time, don't you? Bonking at work.
It's such a randy environment, isn't it? Look at the Navy, out on their submarines.
Giant submersible gang bangs.
The guests are usually rich twats who behave like animals, wiping their arses on towels and stuff.
Crikey.
Must have the wash your towels on a very hot temperature.
If not just a straight up boil wash.
They're just so out of touch with the world.
It's like money just turns them into total wankers.
God, yeah.
It can happen, it can happen.
They're just different to us.
But you'd know that.
How long have you worked for them? Hmm? Oh, God.
Me? Yeah, ages.
The big, rich shitheads.
And I thought the endless swimming pool was eerie.
I don't think this is working, Leon.
Oh, stop being such a baby.
It's a murder suicide.
Grow a pair.
You probably shouldn't have bought this boat.
- The murder boat.
- Yacht.
Murder yacht.
Can we focus? Streets away.
I can't believe I'm reading this.
This dossier is a disgrace.
It is an intrusion into the private life of my girlfriend.
Yeah, and you're probably not interested in this, but it does offer remote surveillance in terms of a - drone.
- Drones? Ha, what's next? Remote missile strikes? Nothing is going on, Leon, all right? I'm going to prove it to you.
I'm going to call her right now.
OK, guys, quick announcement.
Firstly, I just fucked a guy in the kitchen.
Secondly, he kind of thinks I'm your butler, so if you'd all play along with that, I'd be mightily grateful.
- OK? - Butler? Ewan, who the fuck has a butler? Lady Penelope.
ABI: Hey, Josh.
How's the game going? Fine, fine.
Yeah, yeah.
- What are you up to? - Nothing much.
Just left yours.
Right.
I thought you were at work.
No, I am.
I'm going for a walk first.
All right.
Where are you going? She's got my dongle.
Can I maybe call you back later? Er, OK.
OK, then.
Yeah.
What are you doing? Nothing.
Shopping.
For tights.
Are you? Are you e-mailing Casey? What?! No! Am I? God, I am so shit with computers.
Were you going to send her the game? Are you spying on us? You're a spy.
- You're human malware.
- Oh.
I thought you were on our side.
She made me! She's very persuasive.
She's like the snake in The Jungle Book.
Would anyone like me to draw them a bath? Any ironing? Call her right now.
Tell her you played the game and it is amazing.
I could press your suit for you if you like.
Can you just shut the fuck up for two minutes, please, Ewan? And can everyone get back to work? She wouldn't Would she? Abi? Not with Greg.
Would she? I mean, why would she? Why wouldn't she? He's taller, fitter, happier.
He is very tall.
Yeah.
No, he is Quite tall.
Hi, is this Carl Goldfarb? Yeah, this is Josh Connors.
You been looking into my girlfriend, Abi.
Carl? Send in the drone.
You shouldn't let them talk to you like that, you know.
It's fine.
I know my place.
What are what are you doing? Spitting in their food.
Wow.
- You must really hate them.
- Yeah.
- What's not to hate? - No, totally, I agree.
That's what I'm saying.
What the heck? I'm not very good at spitting.
It's the only reason I didn't become a professional footballer.
You don't think less of me, do you? I only spit, I don't wank.
Gosh, I hope not.
Not in the gazpacho, anyway, that wouldn't work at all.
Give that to Leon.
CASEY: So, what have you got for me? I've played the game and it's brilliant.
Best game I've ever played.
And I play Tetris.
They know, don't they? You've been compromised.
They totally know.
I've totally been compromised.
Come on.
Come on, look, just get back out there, pretend to them that I'm cool with everything, play the game, and then tell me what they have, and then you're all done.
OK? Why am I the only one working? There's Ewan? I think he's too busy working on the crew boy's dick.
He should be working on the game.
Look at that water, there.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, but look at it, though.
Yeah, I'm looking at it.
No, but really look at it, though.
Watto, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, no, she bought it.
She's totally fine about everything.
Oh, she knew, didn't she? She totally knew.
I've totally been compromised again.
To be honest, being a single agent was difficult.
Being a double agent was more or less impossible.
Oh, good, you're back.
What are you doing? - Just watching something.
- What? Nothing.
Drone footage of Abi.
You have a drone following your girlfriend? Yeah, just so I can prove to Leon that nothing's going on.
Can we moved in closer to the target, please? - Closer to the target, thank you.
- Dinner is served.
Don't eat it, we spat in it.
- Why? - It was an act of love.
Gazpacho! Gazpacho.
It's got saliva in it.
Gazpacho.
I spat in that.
I am on your side.
I just wanted you to know that.
That's not That's not my mum.
No, can't be.
And you guys seem really nice.
You seem really nice.
You're not going to believe this.
I've just seen my bloody mum.
Yeah.
She came back! Can you believe that?! My mum?! I knew she'd come back.
OK.
Excuse me.
One second.
She came back! We have a problem.
Watto's off the wagon.
- What do you mean? - He's high.
He's talking about seeing his mum.
It's a Chinese man in a fishing boat.
Shit.
I wonder if she can hear me.
Mum! Hey! Mum! Oh, shit, shit.
Josh, Ewan, a word, please, in the engine room, now.
We have a problem.
I think Watto maybe accidentally drank some water with a tab of acid in it and now he thinks he's seeing his mum.
- In what sense, sorry? - What are you talking about? Erm, I been doing this thing to myself.
I've been micro-dosing with small amount of LSD and now Watto has - drank, like, all of it.
- You spiked Watto? No, not deliberately.
I saw it on Reddit.
Everyone's doing it.
It's like homoeopathic drug-taking, but it works.
- Jesus Christ.
- Is he OK? Yeah, he's fine, but I think we should all just act very normal around him.
I don't want to freak him out and push him over the edge.
You took acid because of something you saw on Reddit.
Are you insane? I just wanted to give myself a little boost.
It's all right for you, you're the creative one.
I needed some help, and this new game, I I just wanted it to work so bad.
And this was your solution, was it? Bring your mates out to a murder scene and spike them with acid? God! Here you go, mate.
Nice glass of lovely water.
She's still out there.
Like a mermaid.
Like a mer mum.
Josh told me what you did.
- I didn't mean to.
- What in this water, Leon? Rohypnol? I'm going to make him a sandwich now, without any drugs in it.
She's going to Gina's house! Everyone! She's just going to Gina's house! Panic over.
Oh.
Hey, Ewan.
It's the butler.
Ewan, the butler.
Hello.
May I be of assistance? It's weird, because you look like a butler, even though you're not a butler.
You're just plain old Ewan, the millionaire.
But, in my eyes, you look like a butler.
You look like Alfred out of Batman.
- What's he talking about? - Oh, shit.
Was I not meant to say anything in front of him? Oh, mate, I'm so sorry.
How much? 13.
9 million, plus another 29 million in stock options.
Jesus Christ.
If it takes the edge off, can't really touch them.
- Stock options run over three years.
- Yeah, that's not the point.
The point is you lied to me.
It's - It's patronising.
- And I'm sorry.
You know what? You're just a rich twat like them.
No.
Yes, I am twat, but I was like that before, I can't help it.
It's like a disability.
I should be on benefits.
- Oh, so you want even more money? - No, I'm just saying the money didn't make me into a twat.
I came pre-twatted.
I thought it was weird.
Who has a butler? Oh, no, no, no, no She's going into Greg's house.
You were right.
Sorry, mate.
What the hell is that? Someone switched the engine on.
Oh, shit.
Watto.
Shit! Mum! Mum! Why is she sailing away from me? Watto, mate, what are you doing? I want to talk to Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! [MUSIC: Ride Like The Wind by Christopher Cross.]
Mum! Guys, we're going very fast towards that landmass! Watto, drop the anchor! You're going to crash my boat! Yacht! It a yacht, Leon! Oh, shit! We're getting a bit close to the edge, boys! Mum! Mum! Get him off! Get him off! Let go! [LOUD THUMP.]
[WATTO CACKLES.]
Yep.
You grounded it.
We're going to be stuck here for six hours before the tide changes.
No, that's too long, I'm afraid.
I need to get in contact with my girlfriend quite urgently.
- She's not picking up.
- Oh, OK.
Oh, well, in that case, we just need to find some way to control the gravitational pull of the Moon.
- Maybe you can try and bribe it.
- Calum, please, can we just talk about it? Everything's going to shit, Leon.
I'm going to go and spy on Abbey.
Um, you going to be all right up here by yourself, mate? Run like the wind And you were a cool mum, which was always great.
You know, a mum with the car, with the top down, but I think what I really needed was a normal mum.
You know? I needed a good bollocking every now and again, because we used to share fags on the way back from Scouts, and that's just not on, Mum.
Not for a 12-year-old, it's just not.
So I don't know what you want to do about our relationship in the future, but I'm going to leave that in your court.
Because I'm not going to run around after you any more.
I'm tired of chasing after you.
Do you understand? [HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE.]
OK, good.
Come on, let's hug.
Let's hug.
Hey, Naomi.
One last favour as my PA would you play the game for me? I think just need someone to let me know it was all worthwhile.
Also, I think I got the dosage wrong.
My, erm My hands seem to be growing.
Creamy mushroom pasta, sir.
You've jizzed in that one, haven't you? Hmm.
[LEON CLEARS THROAT.]
Can I help you? It's none of my business, but he's actually a great guy once you get to know him.
It took me about two years to break through the outer crust and get to the good stuff, but it was worth it.
My God, she's coming out.
She's coming out! Wait a minute, wait a minute.
She just went to get her stuff! She's just been to get her stuff back.
- Great.
- Oh Oh, Abbey.
I just wanted to hear your voice.
I'm over at yours again, is that OK? My place is so cold.
Of course.
Help yourself to wine.
Oh, thank you, I will.
I saw Greg.
I was going to wait until you got back, but I just wanted to tell you.
Oh, really? No way.
Yeah, he wanted to stay friends.
We went for pizza once, because he was upset, but I thought, "No, I can't do that.
" I love you, Josh.
I love you, too.
God, it's so nice seeing you smile Hearing you smile.
Sorry.
I should be more open with you.
No, no.
We all have our secrets.
So, when are you going to be back? - I don't know.
Tomorrow.
- Damn it.
You're away, and the batteries have gone flat in my vibrator.
Just use the ones from my bike lights.
Good thinking! Josh, there's a fucking drone in your back garden.
You were right.
I did jizz in it.
Sorry for lying.
Also, I'm sick of being sorry.
I just go around apologising for having money all the time, and I can't help it.
I don't particularly want it.
I never really thought about it.
But once you get it, it is quite sticky, and you get covered in it.
And you think you're acting normally, but the thing that scares me is, what happens when you can't tell any more? One day, you're normal, and the next, you're You're Russell Crowe.
I know a really nice pub not far from here.
Well, we can't, Watto's got the only lifeboat.
Well, algae, that's point A.
Weil's disease, that's point B.
Do you want me to carry on? Oh, my God.
Ready? Yeah.
Sweet Jesus, it's freezing! You all right, mate? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
I spoke to Mum, I let off some steam.
I'm And I got some fish.
I feel really, really awake.
I feel like I've taken something, but I haven't taken something.
Why do I feel like I've taken something? Come on, mate, let's get you home.
Aw, look at the mess I made of your deck.
- I'll clean it, I'll clean it.
- You haven't got to worry about that.
No, I'm so wired, I've got to do something.
I feel like I've taken something, but I haven't taken something.
Why do I feel like I've taken something? Whoa! OK, mate.
Have fun.
How's Watto? Good.
How's the game? Sorry, I just don't get it.
It's like that Farmville one, only not as good, and a lot more racist towards Scandinavians.
[PHONE RINGS.]
- What are you going to tell her? - OK, what have you got for me? OK, well, I quit.
I'm not doing this any more.
It's the weekend, and I was supposed to be at my mate's house party, but does anyone give a shit? Instead I'm stuck on a death boat with a load of maniacs, apart from Watto, who's fucking lovely, eating soup with spit in it.
The game's shit.
They've tried, they have, but it is.
My job is shit, and my life is shit.
Is that enough for you? You know what I say to that? I'll give you a pay bump.
- All right, fine.
- See you Monday.
Watto's come back.
Come on, let's take a life boat and go home.
No, I'm not leaving, I'll go down with the ship.
Well, that's very Dido of you.
I didn't want to tell you this, Josh, cause I didn't want to scare you, but we're announcing the game in six weeks on the main stage at EDX.
OK, you know, once Maybe once we get the graphics implemented Oh, Josh, you were right, it's shit.
It's no good.
Now I know why Hugo shot himself.
Or shot his wife, and then shot himself.
Leon, we've got an iPhone game that doesn't work.
It's hardly murder-suicide time, is it? You've got something, haven't you? A little seed for a new game? No.
Actually, no.
Boys! Boys! Now, don't quote me on this, but I might have just had a really incredible idea for a game.