Magical Girl Friendship Squad (2020) s01e05 Episode Script
The Real World
1
Go, go, go, go! ♪
[clears throat]
I have called this meeting
to discuss a pressing issue.
This apartment is disgusting.
- Looks fine to me.
- Actually, kind of neat today.
I propose we adopt a solution
I saw employed on the program
The Real World:
a chore wheel.
No fucking way.
Wait Yeah.
Why should we have to vacuum?
It's your fur
all over everything.
How many times must I remind you
about my lack of thumbs?
And yet, you can make
a chore wheel.
This is bullshit.
I don't have to follow
your made-up rules,
- and I'm not gonna.
- Whoa, Dais. Chill.
Daisy, growing up,
you were angry
that your parents
demanded your participation
in the Church of the Savior's
Unthinkable Torment.
Now you instinctively rebel
against authority.
And whose fault is that?
If I'm angry at anyone,
it should be you,
for making such
a fucked-up world!
Stupid mess, getting in the way
of my moody door slam.
Yikes.
Maybe I should stay home
from the women's empowerment
conference
- and make sure she's okay.
- Certainly not.
This is an important opportunity
for you to gather intel
about Aggregon's
energy hoarding.
Why do you always have
to tell me the plan
I helped come up with?
Think she knows everything just
because she's a talking panda.
"For Nut only.
"Absolutely do not drink this,
Alex and Daisy,
even if we have an argument
and you want to get back at me."
Hmm. Weirdly specific.
This will show her.
[accent] "Ooh, I'm Nut, and I
know everything about Daisy.
"She's so predictable
just because her parents
"made her go to bed at 5:00 p.m.
"to shield her from
the gaudiness of street lamps.
[regular accent] "If I just
made the world a little better,
"Daisy could've been
[sighs]
totally different."
[screams]
Hi, Corvin. I thought this
was only for female employees.
It's called being an ally.
You'll need to sign up now
for your afternoon elective.
Do you want the workshop
on pitching your voice deeper
to be taken more seriously,
the seminar
on the most slimming power poses
- or speed mentoring?
- Speed mentoring?
Two minutes each
with higher-level female execs
and,
since there aren't that many,
a few male execs' wives.
I'll do that one. I guess.
[groans]
Where's all my stuff
that I keep on the floor?
It's on the shelves? Gross.
- Alex? Nut?
- Hey, sleepyhead.
Hey, random hookup.
[chuckles] Very funny.
It's me, Pansy.
Your monogamous,
live-in girlfriend?
DAISY: Oh, my God.
Nut's magic tea made me basic?
Ready to go to your parents'?
My parents?
They're at their church bunker
preparing for the end of times
like every other weekend.
Um, no, they're next door.
We have lunch with them
every day.
Their stable marriage
is the model
that taught you
about relationships.
There's our favorite girls.
Who wants Arnold Palmers?
So, we eat lunch
and then do a flogging circle
as punishment
for nourishing ourselves?
No, silly. We play Scrabble.
[chuckles]
You're a riot,
daughter whose kooky sense
of humor we fully appreciate.
[chuckles] Wow.
You're really, really normal.
Daisy!
[exhales]
If it isn't my long-lost sister.
Gloriana.
Just calling to catch up.
- Tell me what you need.
- [sighs]
My human guardian drank the last
of my teleportation tea,
and now she's stuck
in your copycat world.
Can you please find her and give
her your tea to send her home?
Ooh, I'm kind of slammed today.
- [groans]
- Fine, I'll offer the tea.
But I won't force her to take it
if she prefers my world
to yours.
[sighs] Must everything
be a competition?
"Must everything
be a competition?"
We are not doing
the copycat game.
"We are not doing
the copycat game."
Okay. Love you.
Okay. Buh-bye.
So, what are your goals?
I just want to keep making
that cash money, right?
[chuckles]
Speaking of goals,
what do you know about Aggregon
that may or may not be
public information?
I meant your personal goals.
If you want a family,
you better start planning now.
[exhales] You know, employees
can freeze their eggs for free
in the Sandberg Ballroom.
- Uh
- Ladies, switch mentors.
Hi, there. What do you know
about the company's
energy research?
WOMAN:
Have you frozen your eggs yet?
Not that this company
isn't great for working moms.
They gave me two weeks
of maternity leave
and then replaced me
with another woman
and brought me back
as her assistant, so
More jobs for women?
Hi. Uh, sorry to interrupt.
Oh. Uh, cool. Thanks.
I guess.
The free egg freezing
sounds cool.
Or like the company's
trying to get us all
to put off having babies
so we can keep working here.
[chuckles]
Right?
Alex, is it?
Let me give you some advice.
Being a woman in a man's world
means making sacrifices.
[chuckles] Oh, totally.
I-I was just joking about
You're in
the outrage department,
isn't that right?
Yeah. My background's
in programming, but
Sounds like
you're being underutilized.
You know, the most important
aspect of leadership
is squeezing all you can
out of your employees.
They're the best resource
in the world.
- Thanks. Um, I-I mean
- [phone buzzing]
Move along.
Oops! Sorry.
[chuckles]
BRB.
Bathroom break.
Hmm.
Nut.
Man, that was awesome.
I'm on such a high. Do you want
to go get a drink somewhere?
But now is when we sit
on the couch
and watch
our favorite network TV drama,
- NCIS: Minneapolis.
- Oh. O-Okay.
Ooh, Mission: Impossible's on.
Alex and I made up
this action movie drinking game
where you drink
anytime anyone does anything
that would hurt in real life.
[chuckles]
Fair warning, you get fucked-up.
No! We have to follow
the schedule.
Okay, okay. Geez.
Who's Alex, anyway?
Nobody, I guess.
♪
- [knock on door]
- Oh, thank God. I'll get it.
- Nut?
- As if. I'm her sister.
What? Nut has a sister?
Who do you think created
this superior universe?
Fun fact: in my world,
red pandas aren't endangered.
So, Nut's "special tea"
brought me
into a universe you made?
And my "special tea"
is the only way
to send you back.
♪
I may not have been to
the gynecologist in four years,
but I'm pretty sure this is not
how freezing your eggs works.
And there it is.
Nut thinks she's so great,
but her universe
is hideously flawed.
Look at your loony-tune parents.
- Or those fish that look like Ted Cruz's face.
- Fair.
Here,
there's no pesky free will,
and everything's perfect.
No offense, but I'd rather have
parents who don't get me
than ones
who are basically robots.
At least in Nut's universe,
I get to decide if I want
to obey the chore wheel.
Uh-oh.
You're not leaving so soon, are you?
Daisy,
you have to get to EWWcon.
Aggregon is taking
workers' genetic material
and using it for
[screams]
Well, well, well. Our new hire
is some kind
of social justice warrior mole.
I knew there was something fishy
about you
when you failed to participate
in Tie-Dye Fri-Dyes.
Technically,
I didn't participate
because Tie-Dye Fri-Dye
is stupid.
[gasps]
How dare you!
So, you knew the company
was making these
things out of employees' eggs?
Did I know?
Honey, whose initiative
do you think it was?
And you go-getter gals
have been donating eggs
all day!
Have fun!
[laughing]
[whimpers]
[grunts]
[grunting]
Normcore Daisy sucks.
She doesn't even have
a nonmagic bong.
Classic Nut to give
random humans magical powers
- to protect her.
- I'm not a random human.
Being Nut's guardian
is my destiny. [grunts]
- [grunts]
- Oh, I'm sorry!
I hit an adorable, fuzzy panda.
That's, like, the first sign
of being a serial killer.
[laughs]
"Destiny"?
Did Nut tell you that?
Free will
means destiny is bullshit.
Nut lied to you
to get what she wanted.
You know what?
For an adorable, fuzzy panda,
you're kind of a bitch.
- [grunts]
- Girl, bye.
[line rings]
[energy zapping]
[grunts]
[grunts]
Damn.
I go to another world
for one day,
and you start a fight
with a bunch of
- What are these things?
- Where the hell were you?
["Must Be Nice"
by Trampoline Team playing]
Bong Selleck Laser Light Show!
"Oh, thanks for saving my butt,
Daisy.
I know you probably had
your own stuff going on today."
I called you, like, nine times.
I've been battling these freaks
all alone.
Birth Control, Abort Operation!
[crackling]
Cover me.
Bong Selleck Cloud Cover!
♪
Must be nice ♪
Must be nice ♪
Must be ♪
Hasta la vista, ladies.
Sorry, everyone.
The egg freezer's out of order.
Do whatever you want with
your eggs. It's your choice.
Come on. I called Nut before
when I couldn't reach you.
Status report.
There was a minor security blip
courtesy of a nosy new hire,
but I took care of it.
It doesn't appear you did.
CORVIN:
I'll handle her right now.
Don't bother.
I will handle it myself.
Your incompetence
is too great a risk
as we near the final stage
of my plan.
Effective immediately,
your contract here
is terminated.
But, Verus,
I made an army for you.
- I can do better. I
- Terminated.
ALEX:
Shit got wild in there, Nut.
Corvin texted Verus
- about some kind of mutant army, and
- Verus?
Alex, listen to me.
Verus is extremely dangerous.
DAISY: Hey, Nut.
Gloriana told me you lied.
We were never fated
to protect you.
You could have chosen anyone.
Nut, is that true?
Yes, I did choose you
more or less at random,
but you have proven yourselves
worthy guardians.
Not the point. You guilted us
into thinking
we were the world's only hope.
You put us in danger
over and over.
And I still don't want
a chore wheel!
- It is not safe for you at Aggregon.
- Just
leave us alone, Nut.
Alex.
Oh. Hi, Ver
The position
of my executive assistant
has suddenly become available,
and I'd like to offer it to you.
I'm flattered, but I
Before you answer,
you should know
that Corvin has been let go
for his unconscionable
egg freezing program.
This company hasn't always been
squeaky clean.
I'm offering you the chance to
change that from the inside.
Your destiny
is still unwritten.
If I take this promotion,
you and I can change Aggregon
for the better.
Of course.
Don't you want me as a mentor?
Deal.
Go, go, go, go! ♪
[clears throat]
I have called this meeting
to discuss a pressing issue.
This apartment is disgusting.
- Looks fine to me.
- Actually, kind of neat today.
I propose we adopt a solution
I saw employed on the program
The Real World:
a chore wheel.
No fucking way.
Wait Yeah.
Why should we have to vacuum?
It's your fur
all over everything.
How many times must I remind you
about my lack of thumbs?
And yet, you can make
a chore wheel.
This is bullshit.
I don't have to follow
your made-up rules,
- and I'm not gonna.
- Whoa, Dais. Chill.
Daisy, growing up,
you were angry
that your parents
demanded your participation
in the Church of the Savior's
Unthinkable Torment.
Now you instinctively rebel
against authority.
And whose fault is that?
If I'm angry at anyone,
it should be you,
for making such
a fucked-up world!
Stupid mess, getting in the way
of my moody door slam.
Yikes.
Maybe I should stay home
from the women's empowerment
conference
- and make sure she's okay.
- Certainly not.
This is an important opportunity
for you to gather intel
about Aggregon's
energy hoarding.
Why do you always have
to tell me the plan
I helped come up with?
Think she knows everything just
because she's a talking panda.
"For Nut only.
"Absolutely do not drink this,
Alex and Daisy,
even if we have an argument
and you want to get back at me."
Hmm. Weirdly specific.
This will show her.
[accent] "Ooh, I'm Nut, and I
know everything about Daisy.
"She's so predictable
just because her parents
"made her go to bed at 5:00 p.m.
"to shield her from
the gaudiness of street lamps.
[regular accent] "If I just
made the world a little better,
"Daisy could've been
[sighs]
totally different."
[screams]
Hi, Corvin. I thought this
was only for female employees.
It's called being an ally.
You'll need to sign up now
for your afternoon elective.
Do you want the workshop
on pitching your voice deeper
to be taken more seriously,
the seminar
on the most slimming power poses
- or speed mentoring?
- Speed mentoring?
Two minutes each
with higher-level female execs
and,
since there aren't that many,
a few male execs' wives.
I'll do that one. I guess.
[groans]
Where's all my stuff
that I keep on the floor?
It's on the shelves? Gross.
- Alex? Nut?
- Hey, sleepyhead.
Hey, random hookup.
[chuckles] Very funny.
It's me, Pansy.
Your monogamous,
live-in girlfriend?
DAISY: Oh, my God.
Nut's magic tea made me basic?
Ready to go to your parents'?
My parents?
They're at their church bunker
preparing for the end of times
like every other weekend.
Um, no, they're next door.
We have lunch with them
every day.
Their stable marriage
is the model
that taught you
about relationships.
There's our favorite girls.
Who wants Arnold Palmers?
So, we eat lunch
and then do a flogging circle
as punishment
for nourishing ourselves?
No, silly. We play Scrabble.
[chuckles]
You're a riot,
daughter whose kooky sense
of humor we fully appreciate.
[chuckles] Wow.
You're really, really normal.
Daisy!
[exhales]
If it isn't my long-lost sister.
Gloriana.
Just calling to catch up.
- Tell me what you need.
- [sighs]
My human guardian drank the last
of my teleportation tea,
and now she's stuck
in your copycat world.
Can you please find her and give
her your tea to send her home?
Ooh, I'm kind of slammed today.
- [groans]
- Fine, I'll offer the tea.
But I won't force her to take it
if she prefers my world
to yours.
[sighs] Must everything
be a competition?
"Must everything
be a competition?"
We are not doing
the copycat game.
"We are not doing
the copycat game."
Okay. Love you.
Okay. Buh-bye.
So, what are your goals?
I just want to keep making
that cash money, right?
[chuckles]
Speaking of goals,
what do you know about Aggregon
that may or may not be
public information?
I meant your personal goals.
If you want a family,
you better start planning now.
[exhales] You know, employees
can freeze their eggs for free
in the Sandberg Ballroom.
- Uh
- Ladies, switch mentors.
Hi, there. What do you know
about the company's
energy research?
WOMAN:
Have you frozen your eggs yet?
Not that this company
isn't great for working moms.
They gave me two weeks
of maternity leave
and then replaced me
with another woman
and brought me back
as her assistant, so
More jobs for women?
Hi. Uh, sorry to interrupt.
Oh. Uh, cool. Thanks.
I guess.
The free egg freezing
sounds cool.
Or like the company's
trying to get us all
to put off having babies
so we can keep working here.
[chuckles]
Right?
Alex, is it?
Let me give you some advice.
Being a woman in a man's world
means making sacrifices.
[chuckles] Oh, totally.
I-I was just joking about
You're in
the outrage department,
isn't that right?
Yeah. My background's
in programming, but
Sounds like
you're being underutilized.
You know, the most important
aspect of leadership
is squeezing all you can
out of your employees.
They're the best resource
in the world.
- Thanks. Um, I-I mean
- [phone buzzing]
Move along.
Oops! Sorry.
[chuckles]
BRB.
Bathroom break.
Hmm.
Nut.
Man, that was awesome.
I'm on such a high. Do you want
to go get a drink somewhere?
But now is when we sit
on the couch
and watch
our favorite network TV drama,
- NCIS: Minneapolis.
- Oh. O-Okay.
Ooh, Mission: Impossible's on.
Alex and I made up
this action movie drinking game
where you drink
anytime anyone does anything
that would hurt in real life.
[chuckles]
Fair warning, you get fucked-up.
No! We have to follow
the schedule.
Okay, okay. Geez.
Who's Alex, anyway?
Nobody, I guess.
♪
- [knock on door]
- Oh, thank God. I'll get it.
- Nut?
- As if. I'm her sister.
What? Nut has a sister?
Who do you think created
this superior universe?
Fun fact: in my world,
red pandas aren't endangered.
So, Nut's "special tea"
brought me
into a universe you made?
And my "special tea"
is the only way
to send you back.
♪
I may not have been to
the gynecologist in four years,
but I'm pretty sure this is not
how freezing your eggs works.
And there it is.
Nut thinks she's so great,
but her universe
is hideously flawed.
Look at your loony-tune parents.
- Or those fish that look like Ted Cruz's face.
- Fair.
Here,
there's no pesky free will,
and everything's perfect.
No offense, but I'd rather have
parents who don't get me
than ones
who are basically robots.
At least in Nut's universe,
I get to decide if I want
to obey the chore wheel.
Uh-oh.
You're not leaving so soon, are you?
Daisy,
you have to get to EWWcon.
Aggregon is taking
workers' genetic material
and using it for
[screams]
Well, well, well. Our new hire
is some kind
of social justice warrior mole.
I knew there was something fishy
about you
when you failed to participate
in Tie-Dye Fri-Dyes.
Technically,
I didn't participate
because Tie-Dye Fri-Dye
is stupid.
[gasps]
How dare you!
So, you knew the company
was making these
things out of employees' eggs?
Did I know?
Honey, whose initiative
do you think it was?
And you go-getter gals
have been donating eggs
all day!
Have fun!
[laughing]
[whimpers]
[grunts]
[grunting]
Normcore Daisy sucks.
She doesn't even have
a nonmagic bong.
Classic Nut to give
random humans magical powers
- to protect her.
- I'm not a random human.
Being Nut's guardian
is my destiny. [grunts]
- [grunts]
- Oh, I'm sorry!
I hit an adorable, fuzzy panda.
That's, like, the first sign
of being a serial killer.
[laughs]
"Destiny"?
Did Nut tell you that?
Free will
means destiny is bullshit.
Nut lied to you
to get what she wanted.
You know what?
For an adorable, fuzzy panda,
you're kind of a bitch.
- [grunts]
- Girl, bye.
[line rings]
[energy zapping]
[grunts]
[grunts]
Damn.
I go to another world
for one day,
and you start a fight
with a bunch of
- What are these things?
- Where the hell were you?
["Must Be Nice"
by Trampoline Team playing]
Bong Selleck Laser Light Show!
"Oh, thanks for saving my butt,
Daisy.
I know you probably had
your own stuff going on today."
I called you, like, nine times.
I've been battling these freaks
all alone.
Birth Control, Abort Operation!
[crackling]
Cover me.
Bong Selleck Cloud Cover!
♪
Must be nice ♪
Must be nice ♪
Must be ♪
Hasta la vista, ladies.
Sorry, everyone.
The egg freezer's out of order.
Do whatever you want with
your eggs. It's your choice.
Come on. I called Nut before
when I couldn't reach you.
Status report.
There was a minor security blip
courtesy of a nosy new hire,
but I took care of it.
It doesn't appear you did.
CORVIN:
I'll handle her right now.
Don't bother.
I will handle it myself.
Your incompetence
is too great a risk
as we near the final stage
of my plan.
Effective immediately,
your contract here
is terminated.
But, Verus,
I made an army for you.
- I can do better. I
- Terminated.
ALEX:
Shit got wild in there, Nut.
Corvin texted Verus
- about some kind of mutant army, and
- Verus?
Alex, listen to me.
Verus is extremely dangerous.
DAISY: Hey, Nut.
Gloriana told me you lied.
We were never fated
to protect you.
You could have chosen anyone.
Nut, is that true?
Yes, I did choose you
more or less at random,
but you have proven yourselves
worthy guardians.
Not the point. You guilted us
into thinking
we were the world's only hope.
You put us in danger
over and over.
And I still don't want
a chore wheel!
- It is not safe for you at Aggregon.
- Just
leave us alone, Nut.
Alex.
Oh. Hi, Ver
The position
of my executive assistant
has suddenly become available,
and I'd like to offer it to you.
I'm flattered, but I
Before you answer,
you should know
that Corvin has been let go
for his unconscionable
egg freezing program.
This company hasn't always been
squeaky clean.
I'm offering you the chance to
change that from the inside.
Your destiny
is still unwritten.
If I take this promotion,
you and I can change Aggregon
for the better.
Of course.
Don't you want me as a mentor?
Deal.