Malibu Country (2012) s01e05 Episode Script

Oh, hey June, I didn't have time to make breakfast this morning but there's *** and waffles right here - Knock yourself out.
- No problem, Reba.
Did you just call me Reba? That's still your name, right? Yeah, but to you, I'm mum and I'll always be mum even when you're a mum.
Keith calls his parents by their first names actually, Kim insists on it, she says mum *** imbalance of power.
Well, there is an imbalance of power.
I have it all, and you have none.
Fine, mom.
So I was thinking of going to the mall.
Oh, honey, I'd love to take you, but I have three meetings this morning.
- I can't.
- Don't worry.
I'm not asking you to take me.
I know you're, like, a single mom now and super busy and dealing with the move and getting your music career on track.
Have I missed anything? Well, besides a cup of coffee and a plate of guilt, no.
Yeah.
That's why I'm going with a friend.
What friend? Hey, guys.
Hey, June-June.
Hey, Kim-Kim! Hi! Are you ready to go to the mall? Yeah.
Okay.
So you're the friend? Yeah.
Don't worry, Reba.
I know that you are swamped.
Oh, my gosh, wait.
I keep forgetting you're from the deep South.
Okay, so here's the deal "swamped" can also mean crazy busy.
Anyway, I just want you to know I'm here for you, I'm here for June, and you want to know what's super cool? I have always wanted to have a daughter of my own.
Well, I'm glad that I had a daughter so you could take her shopping.
Oh.
Okay, let's not waste any more time, sweetheart, because after the mall, I still have my yoga and my nails and my Brazilian wax.
It's my busy day.
Oh.
Where have you been? Oh, there was some tasty waves out there, Cash.
Yeah, I can see that.
It's just, uh, yesterday when I tried to go out, the local guys told me to get lost.
Well, so what? You've got a middle finger.
Use it.
walkin' with my head high soakin' up the sunshine la-la-la-la-la, life is sweet Whoa! Wow! You look different! Is that glitter? Oh, no, no.
It's shimmer, 'cause glitter's for sluts.
That's a lot of bags for a broke teenager.
I didn't spend a dime.
Kim paid.
I've gotta get me a sugar mama.
- Kim paid? - Oh, she insisted.
And I said "thank you," but I'll say it again.
- Thanks, Kim-bo.
- You're welcome, J-dog.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Eee! Cute.
You know, Kim, I'm not really comfortable with you buying her all these clothes.
Oh, Reebs, please.
It was my pleaj.
How much did all this cost? Oh, I don't know.
I don't look at numbers.
I just sign things.
Besides, 3% of the proceeds go to buy livestock for a village in Burundi.
Last year, I got three Balenciaga handbags, and they got a Christmas goat.
Well, I'll write you a check.
- You don't need to be buying my daughter's clothes.
- What? Or a house! Oh, my lord.
That's a receipt for a house, right? Reba I'm taking all this back.
Whoa.
What? N fine, but it's on your head tonight if a village in Africa goes without goat cheese.
You know, if you were my sugar mama, what would our arrangement be? Good.
No.
H-hold on.
This table is just for locals.
You're gonna have to eat over there at the counter.
Oh.
Oh.
O-okay.
What the heck is wrong with you, boy? But you just said that I couldn't sit at the ta I know what's going on.
This whole surfing thing has left you feeling a little emasculated.
Yes.
Totally.
Thank you for noticin'.
I don't what What's "emasculated"? Well, I can't define it without being overly graphic, but let's just say "snip-snip.
" Look, it's just, back in Nashville, - I was a big shot.
- Mm-hmm.
I was popular, everybody knew who I was.
- I know.
- I-I mattered.
And here, I'm just a nobody.
Immaculated.
You know, Cash, your life is changing.
I know it's rough.
But it's time for you to step into manhood.
But to do that, you need a man to give you a push.
And since your daddy's not around, that man will be me.
Is June home yet? It's almost dinnertime.
Nope, not yet.
She does live here, right? I mean, I see her wet towels on the bathroom floor and clothes in the laundry hamper, but I never see her.
Hi, June.
Well, here's my little mystery girl.
- Nice of you to join us.
Remember us? Your family? - Mm.
Sorry.
I was over at Kim's.
Oh.
- Whatcha drinkin'? - Hmm? Oh.
It's a kelp-based cleanse Kim and I are doing.
Excuse me.
It's Kim.
Hmm.
You just came from there.
It's a 4-second walk.
What could you two be catching up on? We send emoticons to each other.
You know, those little pictures that express how you feel.
I know what emoticons are.
Well, you never use 'em.
Well that's because I can tell you how I feel right here.
Plus I can't find the little suckers on my telephone.
Kim and I can talk for hours using them.
Like I'll send her a smiley face, and then she'll send me a thumbs-up, and then I'll send her a top hat, and then she'll send me a helicopter.
Well, if I had my cell phone, I'd send you a table, a chair, and some meatloaf.
Sit.
Uh, thanks, but I'm not eating meat.
This cleanse will flush out my system and make my skin look younger.
You're 14.
What do you want to look like, a fetus? In my day we had a cleanse.
We called it dysentery.
A barber pole, a snowman, and a cactus.
Oh, Kim is so funny.
I wish I could text Kim.
Got any hand gestures on that thing? Whoa.
This is pretty cool.
Ho ho, what's the fire for? Are we gonna make s'mores? Is that how I become a man? Slow down, because I know what you're going through.
I was your age when I lost my daddy.
My daddy's still alive.
Only because your mother and I had a fundamental disagreement.
Look, life changes, and we have to change with it.
- You hear me? - Yeah.
And that means you can no longer pretend to be man of the house.
You have got to be man of the house.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Sit, Cash.
- Right.
Are we gonna drink? I am.
Now I'm gonna give you a piece of advice A man has got to be a good judge of character.
If a person starts a sentence with "I'm not" He is exactly that.
"I'm not stupid.
" Stupid.
"I'm not racist.
" Oh ho.
Racist.
"I'm not a whore.
" Whore.
Stupid, racist, whore.
You see what I'm driving at? 'Course.
I'm not stupid.
I mean, I'm I'm smart.
Yes, you are.
Yes.
And it is time to begin the ritual that will help you overcome and face your fears.
Now when we were still knuckle-draggers, fear was everywhere.
Everybody was afraid of everything.
And the way you become a man is you confront your fears and you face them and overcome them.
You follow me? Y-yeah.
Now you sit here.
No matter what you hear, no matter what you smell.
No matter what you feel creeping up your legs You will not remove this blindfold.
Th-that's not such a big deal.
No, of course not.
Not such a big deal.
Oh! Oh.
What was that? Oh, my God.
Oh, my goodness.
It looked like a A seagull with human feet.
Maybe it's those Those tough punk kids down from the surf shop.
Oh, no, maybe it's a A baby dangling from the mouth of a dingo.
Grandma! Ha ha ha! You're just beggin' me to look at you! Ha ha.
Kim.
(Mocking voice) Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim.
Smiley face.
I know that.
L.
M.
A.
O.
What's that mean? - Oh.
You've got June's phone.
- Oh, yeah.
What's she up to? I-I don't know.
It's in some kind of code.
Well, here, give me that.
Oh, you can't figure it out, either.
Now, Reba, your daddy was a cryptographer in the Navy.
He decoded Hitler's last grocery list.
- And I took an online texting course.
- Yeah? - Oh, boy.
- What's she saying? - A boy asked her to a party.
- Yeah.
But not a boy.
He's 30.
What?! Just kidding.
I love the look on your face.
Oh, my goodness.
Now Kim She's asking Kim for advice about what to do, what to wear.
What's Kim saying? She said, "talk it over with your mama.
" Really? No.
Oh, mama! Man.
But the look on your face is so precious.
How did this happen? I mean, June used to be this mopey little kid in Nashville that wouldn't even come out of her room, and and now she's asking advice about boys and dating and par-tays Everybody but me.
Oh, my gosh! Is the house on fire? No, I am makin' me a man down there.
Knock, knock.
Knock, knock.
Hey, June.
J-dog.
What's up? Just trying to clear my head of the extraneous noises that cloud my thinking.
Great.
L.
O.
L.
O.
What? Nothing.
So, got anything to share with me about school, friends, teachers, what's the haps at the par-tays? I don't think you'd be interested in any of that.
Oh, sure I would.
Tell me.
Well, I have my eye on this new mullet skirt.
Oh, I know about mullets.
Yeah, a lot of the guys had mullet hairstyles back in the '80s.
You know, business in the front, party in the back.
What up? - Mom? - Yeah? I think we're done here.
Yeah.
Okay.
Good talk.
X.
O.
X.
O.
T.
T.
Y.
L.
Okay.
You know what? No.
You and I are going shopping tomorrow afternoon.
- Really? - Yeah.
- And you're not too busy? - Of course not! Somebody's gonna be getting a mullet skirt tomorrow.
It's either you or Cash.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Let's get it for Cash.
It'll be our Christmas card.
Oh.
Morning.
Hey, mama.
How'd you sleep? Awful.
I tossed and turned all night.
I just had this feeling Like I had forgotten something.
Yoo-hoo! Anybody home? Oh, hey! Wow, Reba.
This deck is like a bird crap museum.
You know, if you want, I could have my gardeners come by, give it a little wash.
Why do you have gardeners? Your backyard is a beach.
I know.
I like it to be raked.
Anyway, is June-June here? Yeah, yeah, but we're fixin' to go shoppin'.
You're gonna go shop, together with her? Does she need school supplies, or No, we're gonna go shopping for clothes.
Is she being punished for something? No, no.
It's just that she wants to spend some quality time with her mama.
Oh.
Okay.
Grandma? Hello? That's what I forgot.
This is great.
It's been so long since you and I have had the chance to spend time together in a incredibly expensive store.
Well, if you want, we could leave.
Oh, no, no, no.
We're here to shop.
And get your face out of that phone, girl.
We're here to get you a mohawk skirt.
Mullet skirt.
Yeah, that, too.
Ooh! I could try this on.
What do you think? Oh, it's a cute shirt.
Uh, it's a dress.
Oh, you're not wearing that without pants Or pepper spray.
Oh.
Then how about this one? It's really long.
And it's totally see-through.
Excuse me, miss, do you have any thick clothes? You know what, mom? Why don't we shop for you? - Me? - Yeah.
Okay.
Hmm.
Maybe a belt.
Yeah.
Would you stop with the texting? Give me that.
"S.
O.
S.
I'm stuck with my mom.
Get here fast.
" "S.
O.
S.
"? I know what that means.
You wanna be rescued.
From me? What? Oh, my go What are you guys do That's so weird.
Hey, you can just stop it.
I know she's been texting you.
Oh, no, no.
She didn't text me.
I was just walking by, you know, and I love shopping, and then I saw you guys in here, and I love you guys, so I was like Pfft here I am.
Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, "rescue in progress.
Walking into store now.
" You should not just be getting that.
I really have to change my carrier.
Can't believe you left me under the house all night.
I left a boy under the house.
I got me back a man.
Really? Y-you think I'm a man now? What do you think? Well, the first hour or so, I felt immaculated.
But but in a good way.
But after a while, I felt a different part of me take over.
And when I got real scared, I just I thought to myself, no, Cash.
Face your fear.
I mean (Scoffs) What are the odds of an evil clown walking down this beach? You know, you have a powerful imagination, and I like that.
If you end up half the woman I am, you will be twice the man anybody else is.
Sorry I like Kim.
It's just, you've been really busy out here, and at least I have someone to do stuff with.
Hey, I took you shopping, but I guess that's not good enough for you.
You're trying to be all young and cool and fit in, and it's just weird.
Okay, you know what? I'm done talking to you.
Good, because I don't wanna talk to you anymore, either.
Nuh-unh! We're not done talking! I got this.
I'm going up to my room.
Oh, no, you're not going up to your room.
- I can't go to my room? - Correct.
You're grounded from your room until we're through talkin'! All right, stop! Nobody's not talking about nothing to anybody! I will not live in a house where we are all yelling at each other like a bunch of knuckle-draggers.
Now the two of you sit and discuss this calmly, or I swear, I will blindfold you and make you sit under the house! Cash, you're out of June, sit.
- Thank you, son.
- Now you, mom.
- Just you - Mom, sit.
Huh! I yeah.
Now, June Young lady, you've been very insensitive.
You're tossing you mother aside for Kim, and that hurts.
And you mature lady You just had a big move.
You're spread a little thin.
Look, you're both mom and dad now.
It's fine if you don't have a whole lot of time.
Why not let Kim take some of this load off of you? No offense, June.
The thing is, you each have to give a little.
You understand? - Yeah.
- Well, I guess so.
I didn't hear you.
- Fine.
- Yes.
- Okay then.
- Psst.
Psst.
Psst-psst.
Psst! You made your point.
Now get the hell out.
Right.
Come on, grandma.
Let's go surfin'.
Hey, what about the locals? Grandma, I am a local.
Can you believe him? Yeah.
Some nerve.
Is that true, mom? You were hurt? Naw, naw.
Well, maybe a little.
It's just, with the move, you've been all busy.
But we could do stuff together if you want.
There there's a sale at this other store.
No, that's not for me.
I don't need to go to your hip stores.
Honey, my job is to take care of you, make sure you're safe, make sure you get your homework, and make sure you don't grow up to be a jerk.
Good, because you were totally out of place at that store.
Yeah, I was.
'Cause I'm your mama, not your buddy.
Look, I-I understand why you wanna hang out with Kim.
She's a nut, but she's fun.
It's not just that.
I really like it out here.
And it's going really well.
And she's helping me.
Don't you want me to be happy? Well, of course I do.
Just not completely.
Don't worry, mom.
She's never going to replace you, because she's not you.
Oh, honey.
Thank you, sweetie.
I mean, she's rich and fashionable and cool.
Okay, that's about all the compliments I can take.
Mom, what does this text even mean? "I.
S.
O.
H.
O.
T.
D.
I.
Y.
W.
T.
J.
M.
"? "I'm sitting out here on the deck if you want to join me.
" You can't just use the first letter of every word and expect someone to understand you.
You're here, aren't you? Hello? Anybody home? Oh, no.
What? I thought you guys were pals.
Yeah, we were, but she's just She's a lot.
You know, I'm your mama.
I'll take this one for you.
Scoot.
Aw, you're the best.
Hey, Reebs.
Is June-June here? Uh, yes, she is, but I was thinking that maybe you and I could spend some time together.
You were? I was kind of worried that you were mad at me.
You know, I really wasn't trying to steal June.
I know.
I know.
But I wanna spend some time with you, 'cause I think you're fun, too.
Really? Yeah, really.
That's cool.
You know what? Maybe we should take a class together.
Ooh! We should take pilate-balah.
It's a combination of pilates and kabbalah.
So basically, not only are you toning your body, but also your soul.
Okay.
Yeah? Yeah.
Oh, good, 'cause I already signed us up.
Okay.