Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s01e05 Episode Script
Can't Fight this Seedling
Planet looks harmless enough.
So did the last place The Collector sent us.
- Until it wasn't.
- I am Groot.
We are being followed.
- Lose 'em? - Nah.
Let's get a look at 'em first.
These so-called "Guardians" are gonna mess up sooner or later.
And when they do, I'm gonna throw them all in Kyln prison.
Wait Where'd they go? Are they nuts? How's it goin'? You lowlifes won't get away with this.
You really want to provoke that space-cop again, Quill? The real question is, how did Titus follow us all the way from Conjunction? Might have had something to do with this tracker.
Oops.
All right, we're looking for one large Pandorian crystal.
It should stick out like a sore thumb in all this leafy green stuff.
So what do you think, big guy? See any long-lost relatives? Some missing branches from the family tree? I am Groot.
Hey.
Lay off of Groot.
Oh, come on.
I'm just kiddin' around.
He doesn't understand half of what I say anyway.
No one understands most of what you say, but that ain't the point! He's Sensitive.
Look, he's a log! - We should get moving.
- Right.
- Let's go find us a crystal.
- I am Groot! It's all right, buddy.
You can hang out here and watch the Milano instead.
See? You hurt his feelings! The Collector said the crystal should be somewhere in this village.
Yeah, great! A whole town full of tree-killers.
Good thing Groot ain't here to see this.
Crystal, dead ahead.
Even better! They worship the d'ast crystal.
Don't worry.
I've got a plan.
Okay.
These disguises are just offensive.
You! What are you doing back there? Great plan, Quill And by "great," I mean lousy.
Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy 1xO5 Can't Fight This Seedling Well? What are you doing there? I was just, uh Fixing your sacred crystal here.
What sort of blade is that? This? It's a laser scalpel.
Well, it might prove useful against the monsters.
What do you want for it? Oh! Oh I couldn't part with this.
Uh, my dear father killed six forest monsters with it.
It's probably worth I mean, as much as this crystal.
Agreed! The crystal For the blade.
You drive a hard bargain, mister.
Ha! I can't believe that chump traded the crystal for a crummy pocket knife.
I can't believe that fool gave me this amazing blade for that worthless hunk of rock! I am Groot.
I am Groot! Huh? I am Groot.
I am Groot! It's okay! It's okay, he's with us.
No monsters here, I promise.
Huh? I stand corrected.
Back, foul creatures.
Go.
Now! I am Groot.
Yeah! That was awesome, huh? I am Groot! You could've warned me! I am Groot! Leave our village, foul beasts! You get out of here! Let us celebrate our victory and our heroic friends with a feast! I am Groot! Yes! Right down the middle in one blow.
Take that, Mr.
Log! I am Groot.
Hey! Show a little sensitivity, huh? Lighten up.
It's a party! For the heroic Guardians of the Galaxy! I am Groot? I think you better hold onto it, buddy.
You're the responsible one.
So those stone creatures.
Have they attacked you before? Mmm.
The Rexians first appeared after a fireball flew across the sky, streaking off to the west.
A few days later, we noticed the fungus spreading through the forest.
And then, those creatures.
Try and have some fun, huh? Hey, I promise, nobody's gonna chop you down.
They'd have to get through me first.
I am Groot.
I am Groot! I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot! I am Groot! I am Groot! You'd think a walking tree would be a little more careful about forest fires.
I am Groot.
What? Ow! They no longer appear grateful.
Nearly getting your whole town burned down? It's kind of a mood-killer.
Yeah, I think we'll be going now.
We can't leave them vulnerable to another rock monster attack.
Agreed.
I have become quite fond of the little wood-choppers.
Besides, we ain't goin' nowhere Till you apologize to Groot! He tries to torch the whole village, and I got to apologize? Mmm-hmm.
Fine.
Groot, why'd you leave! Get it? 'Cause you're a tree! Dude, is that mold? Ugh! Gross.
Groot! Come on, man.
Lighten up! Yo, Groot! That you? Hey.
Uh, apparently I said something that you took the wrong way, and Can you at least look at me? I'm trying to be sincere here.
Okay, fine.
If you're gonna be that way, I won't look at you, either.
How's that? I mean, I bust on your little buddy Rocket all the time, and you don't see him getting all weepy.
Come on, man.
If that's all you're gonna say Whoa! I am Groot! Guys? We have a problem! I am Groot! Quill? What did you do? - Me? - It's the fungus! It's taken him over, just like the rock creatures! Oh, you've got to be kidding! He's growing out of control.
How can we stop Groot without hurting him? Groot.
Groot! You gotta cut it out! You're acting crazy! I am Groot.
Ugh! He's just talking gibberish! Oh, when I say that, it's an insult? Seriously! Even I can't understand him.
Well, this worked pretty well on the rock dudes.
Timber! I am Groot.
I don't think that's gonna keep the big guy down long.
If fungus controls him, we must remove the fungus.
Okay, problem.
The fungus is all up inside him, too.
And So is the crystal? Don't bother.
I gave it to him for safekeeping.
We need to stop Groot's infection from the inside of the root.
If you'll Pardon the expression.
All right.
Me and Rocket will go in and figure out how to deal with the fungus.
You guys stay out here and protect the villagers if the beanstalk here wakes up.
Huh? As in, Jack and the Beanstalk? Famous earth legend? Okay.
See, there's these magic beans, and You know what? Never mind.
Come on! I saw a big knothole down by his leg! Never thought I'd have to play tree surgeon.
Really, Quill? You're goin' there? Yeah, that's not creepy at all.
Poor guy.
That's gotta hurt.
Wow! He's empty inside.
Oh, there you go again! It so happens that Groot has a rich inner life! He's a deep thinker, man.
No, I mean he's literally "hollow.
" Yeah, he Oh, yeah.
I guess he is.
Weird.
Don't look now, but here comes the welcoming committee.
They do not look very welcoming.
- Destroy the monster! - Hold on! I don't know what you're planning, but that "monster" is our friend.
And our other friends are inside that friend.
I'm very sorry, but the only thing that has kept this infection from spreading is fire! We must burn every trace of the fungus we find.
Burn the monster! Ugh.
This stuff is everywhere.
It's like a neon noodle factory threw up on everything.
No wonder he's going nutso.
Don't worry, buddy.
We'll get this gunk out of your system.
Somehow.
Maybe we can burn the fungus without hurting Groot too badly.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You see that sticky stuff on the walls? One little spark, and that sap goes "Whoosh!" So no flamethrowers, no element blaster, and don't even think about using those jet boots.
We must not hurt them Badly.
Fire in the knothole! That ain't funny! I am Groot.
There are too many.
Grab on! Okay, either I'm tree-sick, or your big, wooden buddy is tilting.
That hot-foot must have woke him up! Oh, come on! I'm supposed to light the firewood, not the other way around! Still not funny, Quill! Groot! I hate roasted vegetables! Not even close to funny! Oh, flarg.
I got ya, little buddy! We get out of here alive, we don't tell nobody about this, okay? Come on.
Let's get up to the top before he decides to breakdance.
Yeah.
No idea what that means! And you say Groot don't make no sense.
I am Groot.
Keep Groot busy.
He can't attack the village if he's after us.
I shall do my best to occupy his attention.
I am Groot! Drax, look! That meteor must be the source of the fungus.
Then I will destroy it at once! Titus to Nova Headquarters.
I'm attempting to neutralize the mutative menace.
This day just gets better and better! I do not see how a Nova Corps attack improves our situation.
I am Groot.
What the krutack is that? I don't know.
His heart? Plants don't have hearts! Except hearts of palm.
And celery hearts.
- You finished? - Think so.
No, wait, artichoke hearts! Now, I am finished.
Whatever it is, the fungus withers when it gets close to it.
Maybe that's how we beat this thing! Pandorian crystal at 12 o'clock.
Hello, beautiful.
Jeez, Quill.
Can't you focus on Groot for once? I am! I'm all about saving Groot! But while we figure out how to do that I'm gonna grab this crystal! Fine, fine.
Grab the lousy 'Kay.
ROCKET: Huh? Uh, Quill? Something weird over here.
Hang on Almost got it Quill! Behind you! Quill! Hey! Little help here? Quill? I am Groot! Titus here.
Conventional weapons proving ineffective against current threat.
Requesting clearance to use anti-matter ordnance.
Request denied, corpsman! The resulting explosion would likely destroy the village and its That's a risk I'm willing to take.
Anti-matter missiles! Is he insane? He'll kill us all! No.
He will not.
One down, four to go.
Snap out of it! Come on! Say something, Quill! A stupid tree joke.
Anything! I am Groot! Quill? What are you watering that thing for? I am Groot! I don't know what you did, Quill, but you're killing off the fungus! I am Groot! Groot.
Are you all right? Lock target and fire.
I told you I would destroy the fungus.
Is it just me, or is it getting cramped in here? I am Groot! That's offensive! But it don't get funnier with repetition! Huh? So, what happened? How did you get rid of the fungus? I am Groot.
Seriously, knock it off! I am Groot! I I am Groot! I am Groot, I am Groot.
Your friend.
And that explosion? The meteor that brought the fungus has been destroyed.
And without the fungus to infect them, no more monsters.
Attention! You're under arrest for interfering with a Nova Corps officer in the course of his duties.
Now, stand clear, so I can blast that monster.
The Guardians of the Galaxy are heroes, not criminals.
If you would do them harm, you'll have to go through us first.
And I don't imagine Nova Corps takes kindly to one of their own slaughtering innocents.
Fine.
But I still got my eye on you Guardians.
Listen, Quill, I'm sorry you had to leave your crystal.
I am Groot.
I am Groot! Oh, another point on the map to Something.
The Cosmic Seed? My dad? I am Groot.
Yeah, I get it.
Carrying around the thing that can grow back your entire civilization inside you? You're a lot more than just a log.
There you guys are! Hey, listen I gotta know.
What happened when you touched the big, glowy thing, huh? I am Groot! Ah! I know you can talk again.
I heard you sing into your stupid tape! It's kind of a blur.
I mean, I still can't understand what Groot says, but I think I know what he means.
Oh, you think! Well I know exactly what he means.
Is that right, bud? I am Groot.
That's okay, big guy.
I'll keep your secret.
corrections by: kDragon
So did the last place The Collector sent us.
- Until it wasn't.
- I am Groot.
We are being followed.
- Lose 'em? - Nah.
Let's get a look at 'em first.
These so-called "Guardians" are gonna mess up sooner or later.
And when they do, I'm gonna throw them all in Kyln prison.
Wait Where'd they go? Are they nuts? How's it goin'? You lowlifes won't get away with this.
You really want to provoke that space-cop again, Quill? The real question is, how did Titus follow us all the way from Conjunction? Might have had something to do with this tracker.
Oops.
All right, we're looking for one large Pandorian crystal.
It should stick out like a sore thumb in all this leafy green stuff.
So what do you think, big guy? See any long-lost relatives? Some missing branches from the family tree? I am Groot.
Hey.
Lay off of Groot.
Oh, come on.
I'm just kiddin' around.
He doesn't understand half of what I say anyway.
No one understands most of what you say, but that ain't the point! He's Sensitive.
Look, he's a log! - We should get moving.
- Right.
- Let's go find us a crystal.
- I am Groot! It's all right, buddy.
You can hang out here and watch the Milano instead.
See? You hurt his feelings! The Collector said the crystal should be somewhere in this village.
Yeah, great! A whole town full of tree-killers.
Good thing Groot ain't here to see this.
Crystal, dead ahead.
Even better! They worship the d'ast crystal.
Don't worry.
I've got a plan.
Okay.
These disguises are just offensive.
You! What are you doing back there? Great plan, Quill And by "great," I mean lousy.
Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy 1xO5 Can't Fight This Seedling Well? What are you doing there? I was just, uh Fixing your sacred crystal here.
What sort of blade is that? This? It's a laser scalpel.
Well, it might prove useful against the monsters.
What do you want for it? Oh! Oh I couldn't part with this.
Uh, my dear father killed six forest monsters with it.
It's probably worth I mean, as much as this crystal.
Agreed! The crystal For the blade.
You drive a hard bargain, mister.
Ha! I can't believe that chump traded the crystal for a crummy pocket knife.
I can't believe that fool gave me this amazing blade for that worthless hunk of rock! I am Groot.
I am Groot! Huh? I am Groot.
I am Groot! It's okay! It's okay, he's with us.
No monsters here, I promise.
Huh? I stand corrected.
Back, foul creatures.
Go.
Now! I am Groot.
Yeah! That was awesome, huh? I am Groot! You could've warned me! I am Groot! Leave our village, foul beasts! You get out of here! Let us celebrate our victory and our heroic friends with a feast! I am Groot! Yes! Right down the middle in one blow.
Take that, Mr.
Log! I am Groot.
Hey! Show a little sensitivity, huh? Lighten up.
It's a party! For the heroic Guardians of the Galaxy! I am Groot? I think you better hold onto it, buddy.
You're the responsible one.
So those stone creatures.
Have they attacked you before? Mmm.
The Rexians first appeared after a fireball flew across the sky, streaking off to the west.
A few days later, we noticed the fungus spreading through the forest.
And then, those creatures.
Try and have some fun, huh? Hey, I promise, nobody's gonna chop you down.
They'd have to get through me first.
I am Groot.
I am Groot! I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot! I am Groot! I am Groot! You'd think a walking tree would be a little more careful about forest fires.
I am Groot.
What? Ow! They no longer appear grateful.
Nearly getting your whole town burned down? It's kind of a mood-killer.
Yeah, I think we'll be going now.
We can't leave them vulnerable to another rock monster attack.
Agreed.
I have become quite fond of the little wood-choppers.
Besides, we ain't goin' nowhere Till you apologize to Groot! He tries to torch the whole village, and I got to apologize? Mmm-hmm.
Fine.
Groot, why'd you leave! Get it? 'Cause you're a tree! Dude, is that mold? Ugh! Gross.
Groot! Come on, man.
Lighten up! Yo, Groot! That you? Hey.
Uh, apparently I said something that you took the wrong way, and Can you at least look at me? I'm trying to be sincere here.
Okay, fine.
If you're gonna be that way, I won't look at you, either.
How's that? I mean, I bust on your little buddy Rocket all the time, and you don't see him getting all weepy.
Come on, man.
If that's all you're gonna say Whoa! I am Groot! Guys? We have a problem! I am Groot! Quill? What did you do? - Me? - It's the fungus! It's taken him over, just like the rock creatures! Oh, you've got to be kidding! He's growing out of control.
How can we stop Groot without hurting him? Groot.
Groot! You gotta cut it out! You're acting crazy! I am Groot.
Ugh! He's just talking gibberish! Oh, when I say that, it's an insult? Seriously! Even I can't understand him.
Well, this worked pretty well on the rock dudes.
Timber! I am Groot.
I don't think that's gonna keep the big guy down long.
If fungus controls him, we must remove the fungus.
Okay, problem.
The fungus is all up inside him, too.
And So is the crystal? Don't bother.
I gave it to him for safekeeping.
We need to stop Groot's infection from the inside of the root.
If you'll Pardon the expression.
All right.
Me and Rocket will go in and figure out how to deal with the fungus.
You guys stay out here and protect the villagers if the beanstalk here wakes up.
Huh? As in, Jack and the Beanstalk? Famous earth legend? Okay.
See, there's these magic beans, and You know what? Never mind.
Come on! I saw a big knothole down by his leg! Never thought I'd have to play tree surgeon.
Really, Quill? You're goin' there? Yeah, that's not creepy at all.
Poor guy.
That's gotta hurt.
Wow! He's empty inside.
Oh, there you go again! It so happens that Groot has a rich inner life! He's a deep thinker, man.
No, I mean he's literally "hollow.
" Yeah, he Oh, yeah.
I guess he is.
Weird.
Don't look now, but here comes the welcoming committee.
They do not look very welcoming.
- Destroy the monster! - Hold on! I don't know what you're planning, but that "monster" is our friend.
And our other friends are inside that friend.
I'm very sorry, but the only thing that has kept this infection from spreading is fire! We must burn every trace of the fungus we find.
Burn the monster! Ugh.
This stuff is everywhere.
It's like a neon noodle factory threw up on everything.
No wonder he's going nutso.
Don't worry, buddy.
We'll get this gunk out of your system.
Somehow.
Maybe we can burn the fungus without hurting Groot too badly.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You see that sticky stuff on the walls? One little spark, and that sap goes "Whoosh!" So no flamethrowers, no element blaster, and don't even think about using those jet boots.
We must not hurt them Badly.
Fire in the knothole! That ain't funny! I am Groot.
There are too many.
Grab on! Okay, either I'm tree-sick, or your big, wooden buddy is tilting.
That hot-foot must have woke him up! Oh, come on! I'm supposed to light the firewood, not the other way around! Still not funny, Quill! Groot! I hate roasted vegetables! Not even close to funny! Oh, flarg.
I got ya, little buddy! We get out of here alive, we don't tell nobody about this, okay? Come on.
Let's get up to the top before he decides to breakdance.
Yeah.
No idea what that means! And you say Groot don't make no sense.
I am Groot.
Keep Groot busy.
He can't attack the village if he's after us.
I shall do my best to occupy his attention.
I am Groot! Drax, look! That meteor must be the source of the fungus.
Then I will destroy it at once! Titus to Nova Headquarters.
I'm attempting to neutralize the mutative menace.
This day just gets better and better! I do not see how a Nova Corps attack improves our situation.
I am Groot.
What the krutack is that? I don't know.
His heart? Plants don't have hearts! Except hearts of palm.
And celery hearts.
- You finished? - Think so.
No, wait, artichoke hearts! Now, I am finished.
Whatever it is, the fungus withers when it gets close to it.
Maybe that's how we beat this thing! Pandorian crystal at 12 o'clock.
Hello, beautiful.
Jeez, Quill.
Can't you focus on Groot for once? I am! I'm all about saving Groot! But while we figure out how to do that I'm gonna grab this crystal! Fine, fine.
Grab the lousy 'Kay.
ROCKET: Huh? Uh, Quill? Something weird over here.
Hang on Almost got it Quill! Behind you! Quill! Hey! Little help here? Quill? I am Groot! Titus here.
Conventional weapons proving ineffective against current threat.
Requesting clearance to use anti-matter ordnance.
Request denied, corpsman! The resulting explosion would likely destroy the village and its That's a risk I'm willing to take.
Anti-matter missiles! Is he insane? He'll kill us all! No.
He will not.
One down, four to go.
Snap out of it! Come on! Say something, Quill! A stupid tree joke.
Anything! I am Groot! Quill? What are you watering that thing for? I am Groot! I don't know what you did, Quill, but you're killing off the fungus! I am Groot! Groot.
Are you all right? Lock target and fire.
I told you I would destroy the fungus.
Is it just me, or is it getting cramped in here? I am Groot! That's offensive! But it don't get funnier with repetition! Huh? So, what happened? How did you get rid of the fungus? I am Groot.
Seriously, knock it off! I am Groot! I I am Groot! I am Groot, I am Groot.
Your friend.
And that explosion? The meteor that brought the fungus has been destroyed.
And without the fungus to infect them, no more monsters.
Attention! You're under arrest for interfering with a Nova Corps officer in the course of his duties.
Now, stand clear, so I can blast that monster.
The Guardians of the Galaxy are heroes, not criminals.
If you would do them harm, you'll have to go through us first.
And I don't imagine Nova Corps takes kindly to one of their own slaughtering innocents.
Fine.
But I still got my eye on you Guardians.
Listen, Quill, I'm sorry you had to leave your crystal.
I am Groot.
I am Groot! Oh, another point on the map to Something.
The Cosmic Seed? My dad? I am Groot.
Yeah, I get it.
Carrying around the thing that can grow back your entire civilization inside you? You're a lot more than just a log.
There you guys are! Hey, listen I gotta know.
What happened when you touched the big, glowy thing, huh? I am Groot! Ah! I know you can talk again.
I heard you sing into your stupid tape! It's kind of a blur.
I mean, I still can't understand what Groot says, but I think I know what he means.
Oh, you think! Well I know exactly what he means.
Is that right, bud? I am Groot.
That's okay, big guy.
I'll keep your secret.
corrections by: kDragon