Melrose Place (2009) s01e05 Episode Script
Canon
Previously on Melrose Place: Oh, my God.
Sydney.
Did you know her pretty well? I met her four years ago.
She was the one who convinced me I could be a real chef.
JONAH: She moves in and a week later Sydney's dead.
Coincidence? Okay, the girl's a little weird.
That doesn't make her a murderer.
We're getting married, guys.
LAUREN: All my life all I wanted was to be a doctor.
I went on this fancy dinner with this guy.
He offered me $5,000 to have sex with him.
Junior publicist.
Simms.
Jonah, you are a hugely talented filmmaker.
AMIR: What's a rich boy like you doing this stuff for anyway? Look, I need cash, okay? AMIR: Bring me something I can move.
What are you doing? Get out of my restaurant right now before I call the cops! What did this guy do to you anyway that was worth my career? Look, I was trying to help you.
Didn't you try to help Sydney the night she died? (phone ringing) Rodriguez.
JANE: I thought you'd like to know Ella Simms had every reason to want Sydney Andrews dead.
I try it on I take it off So what you got? Something about boots and boys Boots and boys They bring me so much joy Bring me joy I gotta say I wear 'em both so pretty As I walk in the city Watch out Boots and boys Give me boots and boys Boots and boys Boots and boys, boys Oh I'm keeping quite the collection Take nothing less than perfection Oh, Lor! Happy birthday, El.
Mm, she bakes, saves lives-- what can't the girl do? You want to make a wish before we burn down the apartment? Uh, no, no, Lauren.
You know I don't play the wishing game.
If I want something I go out and get it.
Of course you do.
What was I thinking? Last carb till my party tomorrow night.
Mm, you are still coming, right? Yeah.
In scrubs and booties if I have to be.
I love you.
Hey, I'll play with both hands next time.
That might help you a little bit.
(laughs) You won by a bucket.
Or should I say, a letter.
Auggie and I play a real game.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Horse is a very real game, my friend.
And so is my left-handed reverse layup.
ELLA: Freeze.
Both of you.
Oh, what, you're too busy auditioning for an Old Spice commercial to RSVP to my party? No, I just wanted to do it in person.
You got a minute? Hmm, yeah, why don't you actually shoot me an e-mail? After a soapy shower.
Uh, game on for Riles and me.
I thought she was going to call you though.
No text, no tweet, no call.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say she didn't like me.
DAVID: Well, I'm in.
And you're going to love my birthday present.
Don't make promises you can't keep, David.
Oh look what the tide washed in.
Hey, Aug, what's up? Hey.
What's up, man? Perfect timing.
I'm gonna go get that shower.
Please tell me we're confirmed on rezzies for tomorrow night.
Yeah, yeah, I've got a block of Coal's best tables with your name all over them.
Awesome.
Marcello's in New York, so I'll be able to get you whatever you want.
Mm, my favorite words.
You're the bestest.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, birthday girl.
I told the doorman to make sure that your guests get right past the velvet rope.
Oh, thanks, Violet.
Can't do much else on a hostess salary.
I'm not exactly being paid like a rock star.
Not yet, but if there's one thing that Sydney taught me, it's that there is always room to move up.
What do you think you're doing? Disabling your vehicle.
That's what happens when you don't pay your parking tickets.
I just moved here from Denver, I mean, I thought you had like a year to pay those things.
They're really expensive.
Due date's written on the ticket and on the follow-up notices.
(crying) Hey, you okay? Not really.
(crying): Oh, God.
I'm a total failure.
I can't afford the impound fee.
I mean, how am I supposed to take care of my sister now? There was a rock climbing incident about a year ago and she hit her head.
And now she has to relearn how to walk.
And I'm the only one who can drive her to physical therapy.
(sobbing) Look, I'm never supposed to do this.
Thank you so much.
(sighs) Bravo.
I know you.
From WPK.
You're you're Phillip's client, right? I was Phillip's client.
He said I was too demanding.
I just don't tolerate incompetence.
Sydney Andrews.
Ella Simms.
Yeah, I've, um, seen you in the lobby.
You know, between my Jamba Juice stops and picking up the dry cleaning for my boss.
Something tells me you'll have your own Jamba Juice delivery boy one day.
Really? Well, what makes you say that? I have an eye for talent.
You have a future, Ella, once you rethink the unique approach to your hair and get rid of those nails before you accidentally impale someone.
You just need to find a sense of style, sweetheart.
I like the way I look.
That's the problem.
I can help you.
I can take you to my salon, we can go shopping.
What are you, some Good Samaritan? I have been called a lot of things, never that.
My art gallery is short a publicist, and anyone who can sell a bogus story to a Beverly Hills parking officer, can sell the hell out of my gallery.
It's eas You just set your mind on what you want and go get it.
If I hadn't learned that, I'd still be commuting to Beverly Hills from Van Nuys in a hatchback.
Gotta run.
See you at Coal.
How a girl like me can make you feel when we're alone If you're good to me, you won't be thinking twice When the show's over, you'll get your million dollar price Oh, I had nothing Gentlemen.
You must be the, uh, birthday strippers my assistant ordered.
We need you to come downtown for some questioning.
Ooh, unfortunately that's impossible.
You see, I'm booked solid today.
We got a tip that contradicts your alibi on the night of Sydney Andrews' murder.
You might want to postpone your morning meetings.
Ella, I've known you for seven months now and you're one of my closest friends and, uh, I don't have a lot of close friends.
I'd do anything for you.
And I do mean anything.
So, if you want to start your next year off with a bang, you know where I live.
I thought this was supposed to be PG.
Hey, I try my best.
You're so not speaking at our wedding.
Bye.
See you.
See you after school.
Okay.
Ow! So, Ella's own documentary.
That's a pretty big gift for a birthday.
Hey, you know what, she busts her butt trying to send work my way, so I figured she deserves something special.
Hm.
What, like you don't have some serious bling all wrapped up in a bow for her? Hardly.
Come on, Ella's a great girl but she has yet to earn diamond status.
Did you sell a blockbuster and not tell anybody? What is this? Sick, right? This real estate agent hires me to shoot these virtual tours of all these just out of control mansions for his Web site.
Check this out.
Look at this bedroom.
Riley would kill for that room.
Well, then you just gotta sell a couple of big movies and make that happen, bro.
You're so right.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm gonna get right on that.
Hey, Kyra, here are those olives you asked for.
Thanks.
You okay? Ah, my landlord's stressing me out about my back rent, my agent's not returning my calls, so I bought a bottle of wine last night.
I didn't open it.
Listen, Kyra, if you need a couple days off Work is the best place for me.
Like you said, if I'm in charge of the alcohol, the alcohol can't be in charge of me, right? Hey, guys.
Hey, Violet.
Hey, V.
I'm gonna hit the storeroom.
Last night I saw Kyra pour three apple martinis with one hand and pop open a beer with another.
It was amazing.
She's a great bartender.
It's good to see her bounce back after some rough times.
What do you mean? Let's just say I try to be there for her.
You like helping people out, don't you? Well, when you've been on the receiving end of it, it's, uh, it gives you a certain perspective.
RODRIGUEZ: You know him? Who doesn't? Dante Zaretti.
P.
I.
to the stars.
Have you ever used his services? Half of my clients are married to cheating, drug-abusing, tax-evading celebutards.
I have five P.
I.
's on speed dial.
That's not a crime.
Why am I here? We're still trying to account for your timeline the night Sydney Andrews died.
Didn't we cover this? Where were you? Like I said the first time, I left Coal at midnight.
And then I went home and spent the night molesting my neighbor, David Breck.
It's okay, he's over 18.
Then why is there security cam footage of you in the alley outside of Coal talking to Dante Zaretti at 1:00 a.
m.
? I don't wear a watch.
I must've lost track of time.
Not only does this picture prove that your alibi is bogus, but it also makes me wonder what you're talking to a P.
I.
about.
Okay, look, one of my clients thinks her husband is a closet case, so she hired Zaretti to follow him and he did, all the way to Kathy Griffin doing stand-up.
Ella, you might spin stories for a living, but you're not selling it to me.
Well, I have nothing to sell because I didn't do it.
So either you release me now or you charge me, which isn't gonna happen because you have nothing on me.
Here you are.
Thank you.
Well, I have to admit, I didn't peg you as someone who wanted to pursue this line of work on a regular basis.
I'm not sure anyone really pursues this kind of life.
Well, you'd be surprised.
We don't all grow up wanting to be heart surgeons.
You've been looking into me.
Of course.
Then you know I'm having some trouble paying for medical school.
Well, we all have our reasons.
Lauren, the doctor angle is brilliant.
It is, but let's be real.
I need my girls to be available, and you're not.
I know what your hours are like.
But if-if I could set my appointments in advance, I could arrange my schedule accordingly.
What do you think I'm running here, some sort of Sherman Oaks modeling agency? No, no.
No, Wendi, no.
I That night we met, I was with a guy and it got ugly, and I was scared.
You know what it's like-- you can't tell anyone where you're going, or who you're meeting.
I need to know there's someone keeping me safe.
Will you give me a chance? Please? I choose the client, time and location.
New girls start at $1,500 an hour.
I take 50 percent.
Are we clear? Completely.
And, Lauren, there is one rule I insist you live by.
You miss an appointment, no matter the excuse, you're done.
Alright.
Dante Zaretti, Ella Simms from WPK.
Listen, we got to get our stories straight, and we got to do it sooner rather than later.
Great.
Call me back ASAP.
Ella? Covering Jasper Barnes at his photo shoot at the Bradbury Building, and I told TMZ to accidentally show up when Lizzie Stevens checks herself into Promises.
You up to speed? Yeah, nice try, Ella.
Hey, you want to tell me about the incredibly attractive police raid this morning? They still have zero leads on the Sydney Andrews murder.
Somehow they think I am gonna shed light on the case.
The LAPD practically dragged you out of here in shackles.
That's not bringing comfort to anyone.
So, whatever mess you're in, clean it up immediately before you embarrass the entire firm.
You embarrassed me.
Oh, well, hello to you, too, Syd.
I have a conference call with New York, so I had another gallery showing last night, and only made one sale.
No one showed up.
Your publicity blitz was a complete and utter failure.
Come on.
I wrangled more buyers through those doors than anybody at this company.
Well, they weren't there last night.
Syd, you are being unreasonable.
I got you write-ups in the L.
A.
Times, The Weekly, even Vanity Fair.
It is not my fault if nobody likes the art.
We had a deal.
I turn you into a real publicist, and you promote my gallery.
What am I supposed to tell my artists when they start pulling their work off the walls? I don't know.
Paint prettier pictures.
Well, look who's grown out of her UGGs and into her Manolos.
I gave you style, Ella.
I gave you a place to live.
I spent your birthdays with you when your own mother wouldn't even bother calling.
We were friends.
And this is what you trade it for.
I'm still your friend, Syd.
I'm just not at your beck and call 24-7.
Off to sign a client, or just have sex with one? Judging from the size of your new office, you've been working overtime.
Close your eyes and count to eight Hey, you.
Don't know if you remember me.
We used to be best friends? You're vaguely familiar.
It's Ella, right? Ella actually gets to see you for 30 seconds a day.
I know.
I miss you.
I'm sorry.
Seems like the only time we talk nowadays is when I'm rescheduling another missed shopping date.
Actually, this is one shopping excursion that might have been worth the wait.
I was hoping that you would come with me to help pick out my wedding dress.
Riley, I would love that.
Good.
That is a huge relief, considering I don't know the difference between satin and chiffon.
Mm.
Yeah.
Tomorrow afternoon I am totally free.
That's perfect.
Okay.
Meet at my apartment at 5:30, and we'll drive over together? I'll bring the Kleenex.
If you don't need it, I will.
Hey.
You look like you kind of know your way around a bar a little bit.
Uh, I'm just practicing.
I was thinking about asking Marcello if he needed an extra bartender.
Violet, I know you're ambitious, but you just started as a hostess.
Normally you got to work your way up a little bit.
I know, and I'm totally grateful for my job.
It's just that rent alone eats up my entire paycheck.
I could really use the extra tips.
Yeah.
Living in L.
A.
is kind of like eating at Coal.
It's all good till you get the bill.
Especially when you live around people like Ella Simms.
You kind of start wishing you could dress like them, too.
Well, don't worry.
You don't need expensive clothes.
You look great.
Looks like pericarditis.
(phone ringing) Could you excuse me a minute? This is an emergency.
Hello? Lauren, Wendi Mattison.
Wendi, hey, um, I-I'm glad you called.
Good, 'cause I have a job for you tomorrow at 4:00 p.
m.
at the Doheny.
There'll be a room key for you at the front desk.
(alarm sounding) Excuse me.
Line is in.
Hello? Lauren? Are you still with me? Yeah, yeah.
Um, tomorrow at the Doheny.
I'll be there.
Good.
Your name will be Nikki.
Nikki Bloom.
You don't want to go home 'Cause your family's all wrong MAN: The space is magnificent.
You just don't find this kind of Mediterranean charm in a home this size.
Now, if you're interested, I'd move quickly.
The owners are accepting offers after the weeke, okay? Thanks, guys.
Thank you.
Mickey.
Hey, man, here it is.
Top-to-bottom, 14-bedroom tour of the entire estate.
I even got a shot of that waterfall in the backyard, tracking with the stones in the foreground.
It's awesome.
Forget about the damn video, Jonah.
Isn't that what you hired me for? Apparently not.
The diamond necklace with the ruby pendant? It's worth $65,000.
It was on the master suite vanity, and now it's gone.
Where is it? I don't Wait.
Are you You think I stole something? You're the only one who had access to that room.
Okay, I'm not a thief.
Is this is this your little scam? You sneak into these estates with your camera, and you rob them blind? You've used me before.
I run a legitimate business.
So do I, but if my clients find out that I was stupid enough to let some punk-ass thief into their home, bye-bye listings.
Mickey, n I swear to you, I don't know anything about a necklace.
Yeah? Let's see what the cops have to say.
Hey.
Wow.
Wendi sure knows how to pick 'em.
I'm Nicky.
Hello, it's nice to meet you, beautiful Nicky.
I'm Frank.
(laughs) You let me kiss you.
Yeah, of of course They say she needs to slow down The baddest thing around town She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood ho I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl Without being disrespectful No.
Not yet.
Damn, girl! Damn, you's a sexy bitch A sexy bitch What's wrong? Damn, you's a sexy bitch.
Nothing.
("Starstruck" by Santigold playing) I want you to dance for me.
Um, Frank, dancing's really not not my thing.
Well, it's my thing, and I'm paying a lot of money.
Right, and I understand that completely, but I'm a terrible dancer.
I-I can't dance.
Okay, so, what are you saying? Do I need to talk to Wendi, get a different girl? 'Cause when I throw you on again No.
No, of course not.
What is the missing ingredient? I I see you fade Stop thinking.
Feel the music.
I I see you fade away I I see you fade There you go.
I I see you fade away Under the skin Is not so easy to swallow Don't rub me in Divide my dreams are so hollow What is it you get I don't get? I watch you fumblin' again 'Cause dream easy on your cigarette Through it, ain't through now (sighs) Wendi never disappoints.
You are truly phenomenal.
Hey.
Hey, I'm just getting started.
We-we spent an hour Having earth-shattering sex.
Why not keep going? I thought Wendi told you, I always keep the second hour optional.
Right.
Um, do you mind if I make a phone call then? Seriously? You have somewhere you need to be? 'Cause if you're-you're too busy No.
I want to be wherever you want me to be.
(sighs) Miss Simms, a slight problem.
Your credit card's been denied.
That's my platinum card.
Your machine must be broken.
We called the credit card company.
Your card appears to be maxed out.
There's an ATM around the corner.
(laughs) Well, that's impossible.
There's a $20,000 limit on that card.
How'd you pull this one off? Are you bored? Lonely? I'm still angry.
Did you think I would forget that you told David I was sleeping with his father? You're the one forgetting the facts.
Like how you were also sleeping with David? You were practically building a nest in that family tree.
Just admit it-- it killed you to see me happy again.
Syd, I would be overjoyed to see you happy again.
Then maybe you wouldn't feel the need to humiliate me in front of perspective clients.
I'm saving them the hassle.
We both know that you'll kick them to the curb when you don't need them anymore.
Just like you did to me.
Last I checked, you were the one who walked out on our friendship.
Sweetheart, I think you've made it very clear that your definition of friendship vastly different than mine.
Hey.
I could have you arrested.
You're the one with the maxed out credit card.
If you can't afford this place, there's a diner just down the street.
(sighs) Before I'm gray, David.
I don't mind being late to my birthday party, but I don't want to be a no-show.
Two seconds, El.
I'm just about ready.
So what'd you get me? Well, that's a surprise.
Oh, please, there's no such thing.
No peeking, El.
I'm not peeking.
(sighs) Damn, birthday girl.
You look smokin'.
Why, thank you, David.
You make fairly suitable arm candy yourself.
Oh, by the way, before I descend into a tequila-tinged haze, you know our friend Detective Rodriguez? Well, turns out, he's not really our friend.
He has his handcuffs in a tizzy over our alibi.
So, if anyone asks, we got home after 2:00 a.
m.
, not midnight.
You got it? Wait, you said that they cleared you.
Why is he snooping around? Well, I made the mistake of flirting with him out of boredom.
Poor fool actually thinks he has a chance.
But the questioning-- it's just getting so old.
So can we just, please, keep our story airtight? El, if I'm gonna be your alibi, I need to know the real story.
Okay.
Only if you promise not to tell a soul.
I promise.
I mean it, David.
You say anything, and I will tell everyone that behind all the Prada, you're really the prince of San Berdoo.
Cough it up, El.
What are you hiding? Okay.
You want to know the truth? The night Sydney died (quietly): I slept with a client.
I'm sorry, what? I slept with a client.
That's it? That's your big confession? Well, it is when their high-profile wife is also a client.
Look, if this hit the blogosphere, I'd get 15 minutes of fame and a lifetime of peddling In-N-Out burgers.
Can we please get our butts on the road? Very important people are waiting for an even more important person.
Me.
(loud dance music playing) Just the way the cop was questioning me-- I was so nervous.
And I started doing that twitching thing with my eye.
Now he probably thinks I'm, like, a serial killer.
You told him the truth.
You didn't steal that necklace.
Where is everybody? I mean, he could be getting a search warrant right now.
Next thing we know, LAPD's busting down our door, rummaging through all of our stuff.
Yeah, and what are they going to find, your Doctor Strange comic collection? Oh, and they said they're gonna call all my past employers.
So, once word gets out that I'm a suspected criminal, I'm through, Riles.
Okay, Jonah, if you're not up for this party, don't stay on my account.
I'd much rather be on the couch with you and a bowl of popcorn.
I can't bail on Ella's birthday.
It's just going to require some advanced level intoxication.
Done.
Rum and coke, my treat? Yeah.
Okay.
I'll come find you.
Okay.
(patrons talking and laughing) Can I get a rum and coke and a red wine, please? ELLA: What do we have here? Aw, thank you.
That is so sweet.
(clears throat) Happy birthday.
Oh! A bracelet.
It's beautiful.
You hate it.
I do not.
If there's one thing Ella Simms can't lie about, it's jewelry.
No, it's just that I may have gotten a peek at that amazing diamond necklace that was in your desk.
You know, the one with the ruby pendant.
So you were sneaking around.
I just thought you were gonna surprise me with it later, that's all.
I love this.
Son of a bitch.
I know it sounds totally insane, but somebody stole that necklace, and it wasn't me.
And David saw footage of exactly where it was.
Okay, so, what, he burglarized the place? That's crazy.
Seriously, Jonah.
First Violet, now David.
You're like trapped in your own Hitchckian thriller.
He seemed really interested in that house when he saw it.
And the address was right there in front of him.
Jonah, David could buy ten of those necklaces with his trust fund.
I know.
It doesn't make any sense.
I mean, maybe he gets off on the thrill of it or something.
You won't be lonely Even if the sky is falling down You'll be my only No need to worry Oh, my God.
Jonah Miller! A birthday video? How sweet are you.
Get your butt over here! Go on.
Go to your master.
ELLA: Come on.
That's so sweet.
Riley, hey.
I'm sorry I missed our shopping date.
Okay.
Something came up, suddenly, and You couldn't have called to reschedule? Like you have the last three times? I lost track of time.
Right, because the only clock is on your nonexistent cell phone.
Riley, you know what my life is like.
I have to be at ten places at once.
Okay, and I only needed you in one.
I promise you, I'm going to help you find the perfect wedding dress.
It's not about the dress, Lauren.
It's us.
We used to do everything together.
Now I feel like you have this whole other life that I'm not a part of.
That other life is a hospital full of sick people.
I get that.
Except I called the hospital and you weren't there.
Here are the limes that you wanted.
Awesome, V.
Thank you.
I'm sorry to recruit you, but I am slammed.
Oh, I can tell.
Do you need any help? Yes, actually.
Would you mind stocking some of those glasses back there for me? Easy.
You're a lifesaver.
Just let it be Come on, bring your body next to me I'll take you away, hey So, El, the fact that you're concocting a way to put this on my reel and make your ten percent is exactly why we love you.
Happy birthday.
And that is why I refer to Jonah as the next Spike Jonze.
Thank you, for the most thoughtful gift ever.
Total group effort, though.
It's really from all of us.
Oh, well, then, thank you to everyone.
In this town, true friends are hard to find, and I am lucky to say that I live in a building full of them.
Cheers! Mm.
How are we not on shots yet? Good question.
My treat.
Let's go.
Yeah? (phone chimes) Can I talk to you for a quick sec, outside? Jonah.
Jonah.
We'll be right back.
Sure, bro.
No need to worry Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down? Down Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down? Hello? I'm looking for my birthday surprise.
Happy birthday, Ella.
Zaretti.
Surprise.
Ten voice mails, six e-mails.
Why are you stalking me? I wanted to talk to you before the police did.
You know, so we could get our story straight.
That night we met, we were discussing a mutual client.
You got it? Is that the lie you spun to the cops? Well, I certainly wasn't going to tell them you killed Sydney Andrews.
Hey, I walked into that courtyard to find a woman facedown in a swimming pool.
Are you delusional? They are never going to believe that.
If you're trying to pin this murder on me, it's not gonna happen.
Wait till the cops find out that you hired me to break into her place.
Ella.
Syd keeps text-bombing me.
I gotta go.
Gotta lose the leash.
I'll call you later.
You're my ride.
Cab it.
Who wants another shot? Oh, whatever.
Oh it's just a friend.
Her name's Sydney Andrews.
She lives on the second floor.
So, what am I looking for, anyway? Proof that she's trying to hijack my life.
Credit history, medical records, passwords, pictures, whatever she has on me.
Sydney wants to ruin my life.
And I want her to rot behind bars.
What really happened, Zaretti? Huh? She catch you in her apartment, you panicked, stuck a knife in her? Maybe I better have a little conversation with the cops and tell them how you killed Sydney and tried to frame me for it.
LAUREN: Ella? There you are.
What? Lauren.
Hi.
Um, this is Mike Smith.
He's-he's a work colleague.
Pleasure, Lauren.
I-I'm not interrupting anything, am I? Oh, God, no.
He was actually, um, just leaving.
Happy birthday.
Are you okay? What was that? Yeah, no.
I'm fine.
He's just some drunken work guy.
No biggie.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Okay.
Are you kidding? Would you please just answer the question.
Did you take the necklace or not? Yeah, man.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I just couldn't resist the way it brought out my eyes.
You think that that was the same necklace? She's talking about something that belonged to a chick that I hooked up with.
She left it by mistake.
Okay? You know what? I bet if you go to my place, you'll find one of her earrings on my pillow.
Wh Do you think I like pointing fingers at one of my best friends here? I don't know.
My job is on the line here, David.
Unlike you, I actually have to work for my cash flow.
Then why don't you leave the detective work up to the pros and go back to working on your little home videos.
(scoffs) It's pretty obvious why Auggie wants nothing to do with you these days.
Careful you don't burn through your trust fund like you burn through all the people in your life.
I'm going to get going.
I'm beat.
Wait a second.
Uh, is there another cash box around here? Uh, that's everything.
Why? 'Cause we're $700 short at the bar.
Uh, did you include the credit cards? Marcello always forgets.
No, I ran the numbers four times.
Well, then something's off.
I mean, yeah, it was crazy night, but not a $700 deficit crazy.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
Auggie, I swear I didn't do that.
I-I don't even know how that got in there.
Really? 'Cause it looks like it just came out of your bag.
AUGGIE: What is this? $700.
Oh, what, you think I'm taking advantage 'cause the boss is out of town? Auggie, you know me.
I'd never steal.
Yeah, but you've stolen before.
You told me to buy drugs.
Okay, that was over a year ago.
Auggie, you have to trust me.
I did not do this.
Look, I don't know what to think.
Let's just talk about this tomorrow, okay? Great.
So much for trusting each other.
LAUREN: Riley.
Riley! I should've called.
I blew it.
I'm sorry.
I know.
I stopped by Radiology before I checked in at the desk.
No cell reception.
It's just, this wasn't an ordinary shopping trip.
I know.
This was the most memorable shopping trip of your life.
Okay, I'm not going to let you down like that again, Riley.
What I mean is, I was using this trip as an excuse to ask you to be my maid of honor.
I don't even know what to say, Riley.
You know what? You don't have to say anything.
It's probably really selfish of me to ask you.
Why is it selfish of you? I mean, you got showers, fittings, bachelorette party Yeah, but, Riley With your schedule at the hospital and all your studying you probably don't have time for silly wedding plans.
Excuse me.
First of all, your wedding is not silly.
And secondly, I'm not going to lose my friend to my job.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
I'm going to find a way to balance my responsibilities.
There's nowhere I'd rather be than beside you on your big day.
Come here.
(knocking on door) David, it's Jonah.
Your backstabbing basketball buddy.
Door's open.
Um, so I was wrong.
I was very, very wrong.
Apparently a maid, kind of found that necklace.
It's actually a funny story, she was She was cleaning behind some furniture and then So what you're saying is that the necklace wasn't in my apartment.
I I-I'm sorry.
I feel like crap, man.
Jonah, why would I steal jewelry? I don't know.
I-I don't know.
I I guess I just kind of had it in my head that this could all be a facade somehow.
Only in my geeked out imagination could I be sharing a courtyard with Thomas Crown.
Jonah, stick with the romcoms.
Okay? The film noir's killing you.
Riley would totally agree.
Look, man, what can I do to make it up to you? Let's settle it on the court.
One-on-one, loser buys lunch.
You're on.
Good.
And I strongly suggest you bring your jump shot, 'cause I'm starving.
Some of these dresses should be made illegal.
Look at this one.
Um, the 1800s called.
They want their sleeves back.
Okay, so my first duty as your maid of honor is to destroy this.
Oh, give me that.
You ruined it.
Vile.
(phone ringing) Hello? Hello, Doctor.
I heard you enjoyed my patient.
It was, um, it-it was a pretty standard procedure.
Standard? I told him to keep you as long as he could.
Consider this your final exam.
This mean I passed? With flying colors.
I'm going to be using you again, Lauren.
In fact, I'm going to be using a lot of you.
Welcome to the family.
Thanks.
Bye.
Passed what? Oh, just this test at work.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
(groans): Oh, my God.
They still make these things in teal? How's Kyra doing? She still swears she didn't do anything.
Marcello doesn't believe her, so he's letting her go.
She was so cool.
I feel bad.
So do I.
I tried to convince him to give her a second chance, but he wouldn't budge.
So I guess you'll be looking for a new bartender.
Do you think Marcello would give me a chance? I already talked to him.
He's willing to give you a couple of hours on a Tuesday night.
No way.
But you have to be great, 'cause he made it clear he's not running a charity.
Thank you so much, Auggie.
I so owe you one.
No, you don't.
Just keep your hand out of the register and you'll be fine.
Miss Simms, how was yoga? Oh, God, just move in already.
Thought you might like to know we talked to Dante Zaretti about your little meeting.
Oh, good.
Then I'm sure he explained to you that we were discussing a mutual client.
Actually, he said you hired him to break into Sydney's apartment.
Except when he got there, she was already dead.
Well, that is one P.
I.
with a very vivid imagination.
He says you got there beforehim that night, stabbed her, then tried to make him look like the killer.
According to Zaretti, you're the murderer.
Okay, why does he get to be Mr.
Credibility? I mean, he's obviously lying.
He's just saying that because WPK didn't want to use him anymore.
Look, Sydney Andrews made me who I am today.
Why would I want her dead? If we can confirm his story, you can bet your Burberry you'll be arrested for murder.
Well, that's one big "if," Detective.
Good luck with that.
Oh, I'm not so sure I'm going to need any luck.
It's gonna feel real good when I get to tighten those handcuffs around those adorable little wrists of yours.
Sydney.
Did you know her pretty well? I met her four years ago.
She was the one who convinced me I could be a real chef.
JONAH: She moves in and a week later Sydney's dead.
Coincidence? Okay, the girl's a little weird.
That doesn't make her a murderer.
We're getting married, guys.
LAUREN: All my life all I wanted was to be a doctor.
I went on this fancy dinner with this guy.
He offered me $5,000 to have sex with him.
Junior publicist.
Simms.
Jonah, you are a hugely talented filmmaker.
AMIR: What's a rich boy like you doing this stuff for anyway? Look, I need cash, okay? AMIR: Bring me something I can move.
What are you doing? Get out of my restaurant right now before I call the cops! What did this guy do to you anyway that was worth my career? Look, I was trying to help you.
Didn't you try to help Sydney the night she died? (phone ringing) Rodriguez.
JANE: I thought you'd like to know Ella Simms had every reason to want Sydney Andrews dead.
I try it on I take it off So what you got? Something about boots and boys Boots and boys They bring me so much joy Bring me joy I gotta say I wear 'em both so pretty As I walk in the city Watch out Boots and boys Give me boots and boys Boots and boys Boots and boys, boys Oh I'm keeping quite the collection Take nothing less than perfection Oh, Lor! Happy birthday, El.
Mm, she bakes, saves lives-- what can't the girl do? You want to make a wish before we burn down the apartment? Uh, no, no, Lauren.
You know I don't play the wishing game.
If I want something I go out and get it.
Of course you do.
What was I thinking? Last carb till my party tomorrow night.
Mm, you are still coming, right? Yeah.
In scrubs and booties if I have to be.
I love you.
Hey, I'll play with both hands next time.
That might help you a little bit.
(laughs) You won by a bucket.
Or should I say, a letter.
Auggie and I play a real game.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Horse is a very real game, my friend.
And so is my left-handed reverse layup.
ELLA: Freeze.
Both of you.
Oh, what, you're too busy auditioning for an Old Spice commercial to RSVP to my party? No, I just wanted to do it in person.
You got a minute? Hmm, yeah, why don't you actually shoot me an e-mail? After a soapy shower.
Uh, game on for Riles and me.
I thought she was going to call you though.
No text, no tweet, no call.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say she didn't like me.
DAVID: Well, I'm in.
And you're going to love my birthday present.
Don't make promises you can't keep, David.
Oh look what the tide washed in.
Hey, Aug, what's up? Hey.
What's up, man? Perfect timing.
I'm gonna go get that shower.
Please tell me we're confirmed on rezzies for tomorrow night.
Yeah, yeah, I've got a block of Coal's best tables with your name all over them.
Awesome.
Marcello's in New York, so I'll be able to get you whatever you want.
Mm, my favorite words.
You're the bestest.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, birthday girl.
I told the doorman to make sure that your guests get right past the velvet rope.
Oh, thanks, Violet.
Can't do much else on a hostess salary.
I'm not exactly being paid like a rock star.
Not yet, but if there's one thing that Sydney taught me, it's that there is always room to move up.
What do you think you're doing? Disabling your vehicle.
That's what happens when you don't pay your parking tickets.
I just moved here from Denver, I mean, I thought you had like a year to pay those things.
They're really expensive.
Due date's written on the ticket and on the follow-up notices.
(crying) Hey, you okay? Not really.
(crying): Oh, God.
I'm a total failure.
I can't afford the impound fee.
I mean, how am I supposed to take care of my sister now? There was a rock climbing incident about a year ago and she hit her head.
And now she has to relearn how to walk.
And I'm the only one who can drive her to physical therapy.
(sobbing) Look, I'm never supposed to do this.
Thank you so much.
(sighs) Bravo.
I know you.
From WPK.
You're you're Phillip's client, right? I was Phillip's client.
He said I was too demanding.
I just don't tolerate incompetence.
Sydney Andrews.
Ella Simms.
Yeah, I've, um, seen you in the lobby.
You know, between my Jamba Juice stops and picking up the dry cleaning for my boss.
Something tells me you'll have your own Jamba Juice delivery boy one day.
Really? Well, what makes you say that? I have an eye for talent.
You have a future, Ella, once you rethink the unique approach to your hair and get rid of those nails before you accidentally impale someone.
You just need to find a sense of style, sweetheart.
I like the way I look.
That's the problem.
I can help you.
I can take you to my salon, we can go shopping.
What are you, some Good Samaritan? I have been called a lot of things, never that.
My art gallery is short a publicist, and anyone who can sell a bogus story to a Beverly Hills parking officer, can sell the hell out of my gallery.
It's eas You just set your mind on what you want and go get it.
If I hadn't learned that, I'd still be commuting to Beverly Hills from Van Nuys in a hatchback.
Gotta run.
See you at Coal.
How a girl like me can make you feel when we're alone If you're good to me, you won't be thinking twice When the show's over, you'll get your million dollar price Oh, I had nothing Gentlemen.
You must be the, uh, birthday strippers my assistant ordered.
We need you to come downtown for some questioning.
Ooh, unfortunately that's impossible.
You see, I'm booked solid today.
We got a tip that contradicts your alibi on the night of Sydney Andrews' murder.
You might want to postpone your morning meetings.
Ella, I've known you for seven months now and you're one of my closest friends and, uh, I don't have a lot of close friends.
I'd do anything for you.
And I do mean anything.
So, if you want to start your next year off with a bang, you know where I live.
I thought this was supposed to be PG.
Hey, I try my best.
You're so not speaking at our wedding.
Bye.
See you.
See you after school.
Okay.
Ow! So, Ella's own documentary.
That's a pretty big gift for a birthday.
Hey, you know what, she busts her butt trying to send work my way, so I figured she deserves something special.
Hm.
What, like you don't have some serious bling all wrapped up in a bow for her? Hardly.
Come on, Ella's a great girl but she has yet to earn diamond status.
Did you sell a blockbuster and not tell anybody? What is this? Sick, right? This real estate agent hires me to shoot these virtual tours of all these just out of control mansions for his Web site.
Check this out.
Look at this bedroom.
Riley would kill for that room.
Well, then you just gotta sell a couple of big movies and make that happen, bro.
You're so right.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm gonna get right on that.
Hey, Kyra, here are those olives you asked for.
Thanks.
You okay? Ah, my landlord's stressing me out about my back rent, my agent's not returning my calls, so I bought a bottle of wine last night.
I didn't open it.
Listen, Kyra, if you need a couple days off Work is the best place for me.
Like you said, if I'm in charge of the alcohol, the alcohol can't be in charge of me, right? Hey, guys.
Hey, Violet.
Hey, V.
I'm gonna hit the storeroom.
Last night I saw Kyra pour three apple martinis with one hand and pop open a beer with another.
It was amazing.
She's a great bartender.
It's good to see her bounce back after some rough times.
What do you mean? Let's just say I try to be there for her.
You like helping people out, don't you? Well, when you've been on the receiving end of it, it's, uh, it gives you a certain perspective.
RODRIGUEZ: You know him? Who doesn't? Dante Zaretti.
P.
I.
to the stars.
Have you ever used his services? Half of my clients are married to cheating, drug-abusing, tax-evading celebutards.
I have five P.
I.
's on speed dial.
That's not a crime.
Why am I here? We're still trying to account for your timeline the night Sydney Andrews died.
Didn't we cover this? Where were you? Like I said the first time, I left Coal at midnight.
And then I went home and spent the night molesting my neighbor, David Breck.
It's okay, he's over 18.
Then why is there security cam footage of you in the alley outside of Coal talking to Dante Zaretti at 1:00 a.
m.
? I don't wear a watch.
I must've lost track of time.
Not only does this picture prove that your alibi is bogus, but it also makes me wonder what you're talking to a P.
I.
about.
Okay, look, one of my clients thinks her husband is a closet case, so she hired Zaretti to follow him and he did, all the way to Kathy Griffin doing stand-up.
Ella, you might spin stories for a living, but you're not selling it to me.
Well, I have nothing to sell because I didn't do it.
So either you release me now or you charge me, which isn't gonna happen because you have nothing on me.
Here you are.
Thank you.
Well, I have to admit, I didn't peg you as someone who wanted to pursue this line of work on a regular basis.
I'm not sure anyone really pursues this kind of life.
Well, you'd be surprised.
We don't all grow up wanting to be heart surgeons.
You've been looking into me.
Of course.
Then you know I'm having some trouble paying for medical school.
Well, we all have our reasons.
Lauren, the doctor angle is brilliant.
It is, but let's be real.
I need my girls to be available, and you're not.
I know what your hours are like.
But if-if I could set my appointments in advance, I could arrange my schedule accordingly.
What do you think I'm running here, some sort of Sherman Oaks modeling agency? No, no.
No, Wendi, no.
I That night we met, I was with a guy and it got ugly, and I was scared.
You know what it's like-- you can't tell anyone where you're going, or who you're meeting.
I need to know there's someone keeping me safe.
Will you give me a chance? Please? I choose the client, time and location.
New girls start at $1,500 an hour.
I take 50 percent.
Are we clear? Completely.
And, Lauren, there is one rule I insist you live by.
You miss an appointment, no matter the excuse, you're done.
Alright.
Dante Zaretti, Ella Simms from WPK.
Listen, we got to get our stories straight, and we got to do it sooner rather than later.
Great.
Call me back ASAP.
Ella? Covering Jasper Barnes at his photo shoot at the Bradbury Building, and I told TMZ to accidentally show up when Lizzie Stevens checks herself into Promises.
You up to speed? Yeah, nice try, Ella.
Hey, you want to tell me about the incredibly attractive police raid this morning? They still have zero leads on the Sydney Andrews murder.
Somehow they think I am gonna shed light on the case.
The LAPD practically dragged you out of here in shackles.
That's not bringing comfort to anyone.
So, whatever mess you're in, clean it up immediately before you embarrass the entire firm.
You embarrassed me.
Oh, well, hello to you, too, Syd.
I have a conference call with New York, so I had another gallery showing last night, and only made one sale.
No one showed up.
Your publicity blitz was a complete and utter failure.
Come on.
I wrangled more buyers through those doors than anybody at this company.
Well, they weren't there last night.
Syd, you are being unreasonable.
I got you write-ups in the L.
A.
Times, The Weekly, even Vanity Fair.
It is not my fault if nobody likes the art.
We had a deal.
I turn you into a real publicist, and you promote my gallery.
What am I supposed to tell my artists when they start pulling their work off the walls? I don't know.
Paint prettier pictures.
Well, look who's grown out of her UGGs and into her Manolos.
I gave you style, Ella.
I gave you a place to live.
I spent your birthdays with you when your own mother wouldn't even bother calling.
We were friends.
And this is what you trade it for.
I'm still your friend, Syd.
I'm just not at your beck and call 24-7.
Off to sign a client, or just have sex with one? Judging from the size of your new office, you've been working overtime.
Close your eyes and count to eight Hey, you.
Don't know if you remember me.
We used to be best friends? You're vaguely familiar.
It's Ella, right? Ella actually gets to see you for 30 seconds a day.
I know.
I miss you.
I'm sorry.
Seems like the only time we talk nowadays is when I'm rescheduling another missed shopping date.
Actually, this is one shopping excursion that might have been worth the wait.
I was hoping that you would come with me to help pick out my wedding dress.
Riley, I would love that.
Good.
That is a huge relief, considering I don't know the difference between satin and chiffon.
Mm.
Yeah.
Tomorrow afternoon I am totally free.
That's perfect.
Okay.
Meet at my apartment at 5:30, and we'll drive over together? I'll bring the Kleenex.
If you don't need it, I will.
Hey.
You look like you kind of know your way around a bar a little bit.
Uh, I'm just practicing.
I was thinking about asking Marcello if he needed an extra bartender.
Violet, I know you're ambitious, but you just started as a hostess.
Normally you got to work your way up a little bit.
I know, and I'm totally grateful for my job.
It's just that rent alone eats up my entire paycheck.
I could really use the extra tips.
Yeah.
Living in L.
A.
is kind of like eating at Coal.
It's all good till you get the bill.
Especially when you live around people like Ella Simms.
You kind of start wishing you could dress like them, too.
Well, don't worry.
You don't need expensive clothes.
You look great.
Looks like pericarditis.
(phone ringing) Could you excuse me a minute? This is an emergency.
Hello? Lauren, Wendi Mattison.
Wendi, hey, um, I-I'm glad you called.
Good, 'cause I have a job for you tomorrow at 4:00 p.
m.
at the Doheny.
There'll be a room key for you at the front desk.
(alarm sounding) Excuse me.
Line is in.
Hello? Lauren? Are you still with me? Yeah, yeah.
Um, tomorrow at the Doheny.
I'll be there.
Good.
Your name will be Nikki.
Nikki Bloom.
You don't want to go home 'Cause your family's all wrong MAN: The space is magnificent.
You just don't find this kind of Mediterranean charm in a home this size.
Now, if you're interested, I'd move quickly.
The owners are accepting offers after the weeke, okay? Thanks, guys.
Thank you.
Mickey.
Hey, man, here it is.
Top-to-bottom, 14-bedroom tour of the entire estate.
I even got a shot of that waterfall in the backyard, tracking with the stones in the foreground.
It's awesome.
Forget about the damn video, Jonah.
Isn't that what you hired me for? Apparently not.
The diamond necklace with the ruby pendant? It's worth $65,000.
It was on the master suite vanity, and now it's gone.
Where is it? I don't Wait.
Are you You think I stole something? You're the only one who had access to that room.
Okay, I'm not a thief.
Is this is this your little scam? You sneak into these estates with your camera, and you rob them blind? You've used me before.
I run a legitimate business.
So do I, but if my clients find out that I was stupid enough to let some punk-ass thief into their home, bye-bye listings.
Mickey, n I swear to you, I don't know anything about a necklace.
Yeah? Let's see what the cops have to say.
Hey.
Wow.
Wendi sure knows how to pick 'em.
I'm Nicky.
Hello, it's nice to meet you, beautiful Nicky.
I'm Frank.
(laughs) You let me kiss you.
Yeah, of of course They say she needs to slow down The baddest thing around town She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood ho I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl Without being disrespectful No.
Not yet.
Damn, girl! Damn, you's a sexy bitch A sexy bitch What's wrong? Damn, you's a sexy bitch.
Nothing.
("Starstruck" by Santigold playing) I want you to dance for me.
Um, Frank, dancing's really not not my thing.
Well, it's my thing, and I'm paying a lot of money.
Right, and I understand that completely, but I'm a terrible dancer.
I-I can't dance.
Okay, so, what are you saying? Do I need to talk to Wendi, get a different girl? 'Cause when I throw you on again No.
No, of course not.
What is the missing ingredient? I I see you fade Stop thinking.
Feel the music.
I I see you fade away I I see you fade There you go.
I I see you fade away Under the skin Is not so easy to swallow Don't rub me in Divide my dreams are so hollow What is it you get I don't get? I watch you fumblin' again 'Cause dream easy on your cigarette Through it, ain't through now (sighs) Wendi never disappoints.
You are truly phenomenal.
Hey.
Hey, I'm just getting started.
We-we spent an hour Having earth-shattering sex.
Why not keep going? I thought Wendi told you, I always keep the second hour optional.
Right.
Um, do you mind if I make a phone call then? Seriously? You have somewhere you need to be? 'Cause if you're-you're too busy No.
I want to be wherever you want me to be.
(sighs) Miss Simms, a slight problem.
Your credit card's been denied.
That's my platinum card.
Your machine must be broken.
We called the credit card company.
Your card appears to be maxed out.
There's an ATM around the corner.
(laughs) Well, that's impossible.
There's a $20,000 limit on that card.
How'd you pull this one off? Are you bored? Lonely? I'm still angry.
Did you think I would forget that you told David I was sleeping with his father? You're the one forgetting the facts.
Like how you were also sleeping with David? You were practically building a nest in that family tree.
Just admit it-- it killed you to see me happy again.
Syd, I would be overjoyed to see you happy again.
Then maybe you wouldn't feel the need to humiliate me in front of perspective clients.
I'm saving them the hassle.
We both know that you'll kick them to the curb when you don't need them anymore.
Just like you did to me.
Last I checked, you were the one who walked out on our friendship.
Sweetheart, I think you've made it very clear that your definition of friendship vastly different than mine.
Hey.
I could have you arrested.
You're the one with the maxed out credit card.
If you can't afford this place, there's a diner just down the street.
(sighs) Before I'm gray, David.
I don't mind being late to my birthday party, but I don't want to be a no-show.
Two seconds, El.
I'm just about ready.
So what'd you get me? Well, that's a surprise.
Oh, please, there's no such thing.
No peeking, El.
I'm not peeking.
(sighs) Damn, birthday girl.
You look smokin'.
Why, thank you, David.
You make fairly suitable arm candy yourself.
Oh, by the way, before I descend into a tequila-tinged haze, you know our friend Detective Rodriguez? Well, turns out, he's not really our friend.
He has his handcuffs in a tizzy over our alibi.
So, if anyone asks, we got home after 2:00 a.
m.
, not midnight.
You got it? Wait, you said that they cleared you.
Why is he snooping around? Well, I made the mistake of flirting with him out of boredom.
Poor fool actually thinks he has a chance.
But the questioning-- it's just getting so old.
So can we just, please, keep our story airtight? El, if I'm gonna be your alibi, I need to know the real story.
Okay.
Only if you promise not to tell a soul.
I promise.
I mean it, David.
You say anything, and I will tell everyone that behind all the Prada, you're really the prince of San Berdoo.
Cough it up, El.
What are you hiding? Okay.
You want to know the truth? The night Sydney died (quietly): I slept with a client.
I'm sorry, what? I slept with a client.
That's it? That's your big confession? Well, it is when their high-profile wife is also a client.
Look, if this hit the blogosphere, I'd get 15 minutes of fame and a lifetime of peddling In-N-Out burgers.
Can we please get our butts on the road? Very important people are waiting for an even more important person.
Me.
(loud dance music playing) Just the way the cop was questioning me-- I was so nervous.
And I started doing that twitching thing with my eye.
Now he probably thinks I'm, like, a serial killer.
You told him the truth.
You didn't steal that necklace.
Where is everybody? I mean, he could be getting a search warrant right now.
Next thing we know, LAPD's busting down our door, rummaging through all of our stuff.
Yeah, and what are they going to find, your Doctor Strange comic collection? Oh, and they said they're gonna call all my past employers.
So, once word gets out that I'm a suspected criminal, I'm through, Riles.
Okay, Jonah, if you're not up for this party, don't stay on my account.
I'd much rather be on the couch with you and a bowl of popcorn.
I can't bail on Ella's birthday.
It's just going to require some advanced level intoxication.
Done.
Rum and coke, my treat? Yeah.
Okay.
I'll come find you.
Okay.
(patrons talking and laughing) Can I get a rum and coke and a red wine, please? ELLA: What do we have here? Aw, thank you.
That is so sweet.
(clears throat) Happy birthday.
Oh! A bracelet.
It's beautiful.
You hate it.
I do not.
If there's one thing Ella Simms can't lie about, it's jewelry.
No, it's just that I may have gotten a peek at that amazing diamond necklace that was in your desk.
You know, the one with the ruby pendant.
So you were sneaking around.
I just thought you were gonna surprise me with it later, that's all.
I love this.
Son of a bitch.
I know it sounds totally insane, but somebody stole that necklace, and it wasn't me.
And David saw footage of exactly where it was.
Okay, so, what, he burglarized the place? That's crazy.
Seriously, Jonah.
First Violet, now David.
You're like trapped in your own Hitchckian thriller.
He seemed really interested in that house when he saw it.
And the address was right there in front of him.
Jonah, David could buy ten of those necklaces with his trust fund.
I know.
It doesn't make any sense.
I mean, maybe he gets off on the thrill of it or something.
You won't be lonely Even if the sky is falling down You'll be my only No need to worry Oh, my God.
Jonah Miller! A birthday video? How sweet are you.
Get your butt over here! Go on.
Go to your master.
ELLA: Come on.
That's so sweet.
Riley, hey.
I'm sorry I missed our shopping date.
Okay.
Something came up, suddenly, and You couldn't have called to reschedule? Like you have the last three times? I lost track of time.
Right, because the only clock is on your nonexistent cell phone.
Riley, you know what my life is like.
I have to be at ten places at once.
Okay, and I only needed you in one.
I promise you, I'm going to help you find the perfect wedding dress.
It's not about the dress, Lauren.
It's us.
We used to do everything together.
Now I feel like you have this whole other life that I'm not a part of.
That other life is a hospital full of sick people.
I get that.
Except I called the hospital and you weren't there.
Here are the limes that you wanted.
Awesome, V.
Thank you.
I'm sorry to recruit you, but I am slammed.
Oh, I can tell.
Do you need any help? Yes, actually.
Would you mind stocking some of those glasses back there for me? Easy.
You're a lifesaver.
Just let it be Come on, bring your body next to me I'll take you away, hey So, El, the fact that you're concocting a way to put this on my reel and make your ten percent is exactly why we love you.
Happy birthday.
And that is why I refer to Jonah as the next Spike Jonze.
Thank you, for the most thoughtful gift ever.
Total group effort, though.
It's really from all of us.
Oh, well, then, thank you to everyone.
In this town, true friends are hard to find, and I am lucky to say that I live in a building full of them.
Cheers! Mm.
How are we not on shots yet? Good question.
My treat.
Let's go.
Yeah? (phone chimes) Can I talk to you for a quick sec, outside? Jonah.
Jonah.
We'll be right back.
Sure, bro.
No need to worry Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down? Down Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down? Hello? I'm looking for my birthday surprise.
Happy birthday, Ella.
Zaretti.
Surprise.
Ten voice mails, six e-mails.
Why are you stalking me? I wanted to talk to you before the police did.
You know, so we could get our story straight.
That night we met, we were discussing a mutual client.
You got it? Is that the lie you spun to the cops? Well, I certainly wasn't going to tell them you killed Sydney Andrews.
Hey, I walked into that courtyard to find a woman facedown in a swimming pool.
Are you delusional? They are never going to believe that.
If you're trying to pin this murder on me, it's not gonna happen.
Wait till the cops find out that you hired me to break into her place.
Ella.
Syd keeps text-bombing me.
I gotta go.
Gotta lose the leash.
I'll call you later.
You're my ride.
Cab it.
Who wants another shot? Oh, whatever.
Oh it's just a friend.
Her name's Sydney Andrews.
She lives on the second floor.
So, what am I looking for, anyway? Proof that she's trying to hijack my life.
Credit history, medical records, passwords, pictures, whatever she has on me.
Sydney wants to ruin my life.
And I want her to rot behind bars.
What really happened, Zaretti? Huh? She catch you in her apartment, you panicked, stuck a knife in her? Maybe I better have a little conversation with the cops and tell them how you killed Sydney and tried to frame me for it.
LAUREN: Ella? There you are.
What? Lauren.
Hi.
Um, this is Mike Smith.
He's-he's a work colleague.
Pleasure, Lauren.
I-I'm not interrupting anything, am I? Oh, God, no.
He was actually, um, just leaving.
Happy birthday.
Are you okay? What was that? Yeah, no.
I'm fine.
He's just some drunken work guy.
No biggie.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Okay.
Are you kidding? Would you please just answer the question.
Did you take the necklace or not? Yeah, man.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I just couldn't resist the way it brought out my eyes.
You think that that was the same necklace? She's talking about something that belonged to a chick that I hooked up with.
She left it by mistake.
Okay? You know what? I bet if you go to my place, you'll find one of her earrings on my pillow.
Wh Do you think I like pointing fingers at one of my best friends here? I don't know.
My job is on the line here, David.
Unlike you, I actually have to work for my cash flow.
Then why don't you leave the detective work up to the pros and go back to working on your little home videos.
(scoffs) It's pretty obvious why Auggie wants nothing to do with you these days.
Careful you don't burn through your trust fund like you burn through all the people in your life.
I'm going to get going.
I'm beat.
Wait a second.
Uh, is there another cash box around here? Uh, that's everything.
Why? 'Cause we're $700 short at the bar.
Uh, did you include the credit cards? Marcello always forgets.
No, I ran the numbers four times.
Well, then something's off.
I mean, yeah, it was crazy night, but not a $700 deficit crazy.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
Auggie, I swear I didn't do that.
I-I don't even know how that got in there.
Really? 'Cause it looks like it just came out of your bag.
AUGGIE: What is this? $700.
Oh, what, you think I'm taking advantage 'cause the boss is out of town? Auggie, you know me.
I'd never steal.
Yeah, but you've stolen before.
You told me to buy drugs.
Okay, that was over a year ago.
Auggie, you have to trust me.
I did not do this.
Look, I don't know what to think.
Let's just talk about this tomorrow, okay? Great.
So much for trusting each other.
LAUREN: Riley.
Riley! I should've called.
I blew it.
I'm sorry.
I know.
I stopped by Radiology before I checked in at the desk.
No cell reception.
It's just, this wasn't an ordinary shopping trip.
I know.
This was the most memorable shopping trip of your life.
Okay, I'm not going to let you down like that again, Riley.
What I mean is, I was using this trip as an excuse to ask you to be my maid of honor.
I don't even know what to say, Riley.
You know what? You don't have to say anything.
It's probably really selfish of me to ask you.
Why is it selfish of you? I mean, you got showers, fittings, bachelorette party Yeah, but, Riley With your schedule at the hospital and all your studying you probably don't have time for silly wedding plans.
Excuse me.
First of all, your wedding is not silly.
And secondly, I'm not going to lose my friend to my job.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
I'm going to find a way to balance my responsibilities.
There's nowhere I'd rather be than beside you on your big day.
Come here.
(knocking on door) David, it's Jonah.
Your backstabbing basketball buddy.
Door's open.
Um, so I was wrong.
I was very, very wrong.
Apparently a maid, kind of found that necklace.
It's actually a funny story, she was She was cleaning behind some furniture and then So what you're saying is that the necklace wasn't in my apartment.
I I-I'm sorry.
I feel like crap, man.
Jonah, why would I steal jewelry? I don't know.
I-I don't know.
I I guess I just kind of had it in my head that this could all be a facade somehow.
Only in my geeked out imagination could I be sharing a courtyard with Thomas Crown.
Jonah, stick with the romcoms.
Okay? The film noir's killing you.
Riley would totally agree.
Look, man, what can I do to make it up to you? Let's settle it on the court.
One-on-one, loser buys lunch.
You're on.
Good.
And I strongly suggest you bring your jump shot, 'cause I'm starving.
Some of these dresses should be made illegal.
Look at this one.
Um, the 1800s called.
They want their sleeves back.
Okay, so my first duty as your maid of honor is to destroy this.
Oh, give me that.
You ruined it.
Vile.
(phone ringing) Hello? Hello, Doctor.
I heard you enjoyed my patient.
It was, um, it-it was a pretty standard procedure.
Standard? I told him to keep you as long as he could.
Consider this your final exam.
This mean I passed? With flying colors.
I'm going to be using you again, Lauren.
In fact, I'm going to be using a lot of you.
Welcome to the family.
Thanks.
Bye.
Passed what? Oh, just this test at work.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
(groans): Oh, my God.
They still make these things in teal? How's Kyra doing? She still swears she didn't do anything.
Marcello doesn't believe her, so he's letting her go.
She was so cool.
I feel bad.
So do I.
I tried to convince him to give her a second chance, but he wouldn't budge.
So I guess you'll be looking for a new bartender.
Do you think Marcello would give me a chance? I already talked to him.
He's willing to give you a couple of hours on a Tuesday night.
No way.
But you have to be great, 'cause he made it clear he's not running a charity.
Thank you so much, Auggie.
I so owe you one.
No, you don't.
Just keep your hand out of the register and you'll be fine.
Miss Simms, how was yoga? Oh, God, just move in already.
Thought you might like to know we talked to Dante Zaretti about your little meeting.
Oh, good.
Then I'm sure he explained to you that we were discussing a mutual client.
Actually, he said you hired him to break into Sydney's apartment.
Except when he got there, she was already dead.
Well, that is one P.
I.
with a very vivid imagination.
He says you got there beforehim that night, stabbed her, then tried to make him look like the killer.
According to Zaretti, you're the murderer.
Okay, why does he get to be Mr.
Credibility? I mean, he's obviously lying.
He's just saying that because WPK didn't want to use him anymore.
Look, Sydney Andrews made me who I am today.
Why would I want her dead? If we can confirm his story, you can bet your Burberry you'll be arrested for murder.
Well, that's one big "if," Detective.
Good luck with that.
Oh, I'm not so sure I'm going to need any luck.
It's gonna feel real good when I get to tighten those handcuffs around those adorable little wrists of yours.