Men in Trees s01e05 Episode Script

Previously on "men in trees" - you're a cop? - Uh, fish and game biologist.
You're mine! He's been talking about you all night anyway.
- ben seems nice.
- Oh, we're separated.
You didn't want me to leave, did you? You give us something to talk about.
A sweetheart like you is a hot commodity.
- You had an "X.
" - Don't remind me.
On your cheek.
morning, everyone.
Okay, it's official.
Elmo is definitely having a heat wave- hottest fall on record.
So sit back, pray for rain, and enjoy the always cool advice of everyone's favorite relationship expert Marin frist.
Okay, the lines are open, and it looks like we got a shy one.
it's my lady.
Ever since we started having sex, she wants to talk about it.
- Is that a problem? - Yeah, 'cause she wants to talk all the time.
She's calling me at work.
The guys were ragging on me so much, I told her to stop and now she's mad.
Uh-huh.
Did you, by any chance, explain to her why you wanted her to stop calling you? Um, no.
Okay, guys.
Here's the thing about communication.
In order to do it, you actually have to talk.
Women like it when you tell them things.
Don't leave us in the dark, guys.
People get hurt in the dark.
When I look back, it's like, seriously, how could you be so blind? And what kills me if I hadn't been away so long, maybe we would have actually found time to talk about our issues before it got to kiki.
Now I'll never know, you know? I guess you're right.
I'm sure it will.
Thank you, dr.
Cohen.
I will talk to you again next week.
Any chance of getting some a/c in here? Scheduled for the 2010 upgrade along with magic finger beds.
- Uh, whatcha got there, buddy? - It's a mosaic.
I'm giving it to annie for our one-month anniversary.
- So you guys are getting pretty serious, huh? - I guess.
Mm-hmm.
- Do you think annie will like it? - She'll love it.
It's a great gift.
Hey, can I just say, graham sleeping with that other girl in your own bed- that's not cool.
Patrick, I know I don't have any options for decent phone reception around here but could you at least pretend not to be listening in on my therapy calls? I got it.
I'll just turn off my ears.
Little trick I do with my mom sometimes.
Thanks.
Personally, I don't think you need all that therapy.
You're not crazy.
Are you? has anything happened yet? - What? - Sex.
It's still kind of the "getting to know you" phase of the relationship.
Not that I haven't thought about it a lot.
We are, uh, talking about the frogs, right? Y - yeah.
I mean, uh, uh, no.
I - they haven't mated yet.
- Oh, I'm surprised.
Temperatures go up like this, - a lot of species think about mating.
- Yeah.
Uh, I'll be at my house if anyone needs me.
Okay.
I gotta get me some action.
- Jerome, people are trying to eat.
- Yeah, and drink.
Can't help it.
All this heat is making me hot under the proverbial collar if you know what I mean.
Yes, we know what you mean.
Now please stop talking about it.
- Sounds like ben's not getting any.
- Guys, come on.
Definitely not getting any.
- why don't you shut up before I wipe down this counter with your face? - Whoa! Take a load off, dude.
We all have crazy exes or whatever.
He was just messing around.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, guys.
- I think this heat is getting to me.
- No worries.
You all right? Yep.
Yep.
rocky? little guy? jack? Are you there? h i.
Hi.
I was just admiring your yard - what are you making here, a boat? - A kayak.
Oh.
Looks roomy.
Almost as big as my new york apartment.
Is there, uh, something you needed, coach? - Rocky's sick.
- Yeah? Who's rocky? He's my raccoon.
Well, not my raccoon.
He's the raccoon that's been living in my closet.
He's sick or something.
Could you take a look? Yeah, okay.
oh, sorry.
Sorry to barge in like this, but I stopped by the office, and annie said that you'd be here.
That's okay.
- I didn't know you had A tattoo.
- Yep You know, it's funny.
Before you came here, me and mom used to always do our mid-morning snack together But I swear, my leftover muffins never tasted this good.
- Must be the company.
- Uh-huh.
Maybe the nutmeg.
Yeah, I've been adding it to the last few batches- flavorful and good for nausea.
- Little fun fact there.
- Mm-hmm.
- These frogs aren't really doing too much, are they? - unh-unh.
I think we should have sex.
well, good thing I got here when I did.
Well, you could have gotten here sooner if you had a phone.
What kind of person doesn't have a phone? - Don't you ever want to talk to anybody? - Not really.
Well, what if someone wants to get in touch with you like, uh, your friends or brother or lynn? - Assuming lynn is still - they call me at work.
Sorry.
- Well, he's, uh, pretty dehydrated.
- Oh.
- I'm gonna have to take him with me.
- I've been giving him water.
- Ahem.
Yeah, and a belt.
- Oh, man! - Yeah.
I'll say one thing for him.
He's got fabulous taste.
- Well, maybe he just prefers a belt to whatever this is.
- It's an energy bar.
- I thought it would give him energy.
- Well, apparently not.
Oh, I'm sorry, rocky.
Oh, I feel awful.
Seriously, we should release him back into the wild before I kill him.
I can't believe you made a raccoon your pet.
He's not my pet.
- It's not like I- - named him? All right, look, we're roommates not pet and pet owner.
Well, he's domesticated now.
You need to put a collar on him.
Well, maybe I could tattoo my name on his tiny arm.
- Do raccoons have arms? - What are you getting at? Who's lynn? She's none of your business.
Like jack- I asked him a simple question about his tattoo.
He gets all, like, "uh, it's none of your business.
" Well, if it's such a big secret, here's an idea - don't put it all over your arm.
- Oh, lynn.
- What, you know her? Knew her.
She's jack's ex.
- Wife? - Girlfriend.
She left three months ago.
He was kinda heartbroken.
Well, I know how that goes.
Are you interested in jack? mr.
Nonverbal? I don't think so.
- Not exactly my type.
- I see.
Besides, getting involved with any man right now would be very "unwise," as my therapist would say.
I'm such a dope! Hey.
Don't worry about it.
How can I not worry about it? I told patrick I wanted to have sex with him and he didn't even say anything.
And now I don't know if he didn't say anything because he thinks I'm a brazen hussy or because he doesn't wanna have sex with me.
Well, I'm sure that he doesn't think that you're a brazen, uh, person.
So you think he doesn't wanna have sex with me? - uh, well, maybe, you know, he's afraid.
- Of what? You know, sex.
You know, it complicates things.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I pushed too hard.
Maybe I pushed him into this whole relationship.
Maybe he doesn't even really like me and he's only seeing me because he's too polite to tell me the truth.
Do you think that's true? You have to admit he's very polite! Ahem.
Well, he obviously likes you and he brings you muffins every day.
- That's gotta say something.
- But they're leftover muffins.
- "Leftover.
" Get it? - not really Exactly.
Damn daisy! Patrick? You okay? Yeah.
Are you sure? There's not a problem, something you want to talk about? No.
Okay.
But my friend might have a problem.
Oh.
I see.
Like if my friend, were, say, uh a virgin does he have to tell his girlfriend or he could just not say anything 'cause she might think he's a big loser freak? Well, I think your friend should be open.
If his girlfriend is anything like annie - I'm sure she'll understand.
- Really? Awesome! I think my friend will be really, uh, happy to hear that.
- Hey.
- Oh.
Hi.
I just came to check on rocky, see if he's okay.
Oh, yeah, he's fine now.
Can I take him home? Uh, yeah, if you want.
Okay.
- here you go.
- Oh.
Great.
Hey, listen.
I just want to apologize for being so nosy.
I clearly hit a nerve when I talked about lynn and I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.
You're right.
It's none of my business.
It's okay.
But if you ever want to talk we, uh, we broke up a few months ago.
She left.
It was bad.
According to the experts, it gets better.
Look, I don't know lynn, but she must have been crazy to leave you.
You're smart - a man of few words, but smart, incredibly handy, great with raccoons and pretty easy on the eyes, too.
You're not so bad yourself.
Thanks.
Yeah.
hey.
wow.
Okay.
Wow.
I should get going.
Shouldn't we talk about what just happened? Uh okay.
What just happened? Great sex? Right.
Okay.
- So we're good? - We-we're great.
Thanks.
Uh, you're welcome? Thanks? Hey.
- Um are you busy? - No.
Hey.
I was just leaving something for you.
That's of the flower field from our first date.
It's beautiful.
And there's this note.
Uh you can read it if you want or I can just tell you what it said.
I just wrote it.
Okay.
Dear annie I hope you like this mosaic.
I made it for you.
It's of the flower field from our first date.
You're really special to me and I'd like to do that thing you mentioned but you should know I've never done that before.
So you're a virgin? I'm not.
- Is that a problem? - Oh, that's not for me.
- Is it for you? - No, not at all but your first time's a really big deal.
I totally understand if you want to wait and make sure.
No.
I'm sure.
U h - so should i - no, no.
don't say another word.
I'll do everything.
I want to make your first time a night you'll never forget.
- All you have to do is come prepared, okay? - Okay.
ahh, thanks.
- I got really thirsty all of a sudden.
- No problem.
I need to know if I'm good in bed or not or just okay.
So do you wanna take your clothes off or do you want me to do that for you? Oh, no.
no.
No, no.
Uh I'm sorry.
Uh, I just wanted your opinion as someone who dated me.
I oh! - Oh.
- Oh.
well, that was six years ago.
You know what? This was a bad idea.
- You don't have to do this.
- I'm sorry.
You always did it for me.
- I did? - You did.
theresa and I we fooled around a coup weeks ago and that was it.
And now I don't know what's happening.
Have you asked her about it? We don't really talk very much anymore.
Well for the record, you were the best I ever had.
- Come on.
- Seriously.
It's not just the sex I'm talking about.
It's the it's the way you made me feel- like I was the most beautiful woman in the world.
You are beautiful.
come on.
well I should get back to the bar before jerome finishes off the tap.
Thanks for this.
Anytime.
it's hot.
I know you don't talk very much, but that was pretty amazing, right? I like the way you smell, by the way- like the woods.
I like that smell.
It's very woodsy.
- Are you still awake? - Yeah.
- Am I talking too much? - Yeah.
- Do you ever say anything other than "yeah"? - Nope.
yoo-hoo! It's annie.
Jack? Are you here? This town is too small.
Quick! pass me my shirt.
here, here.
This is a pillowcase.
I'm just, uh, dropping off the grant proposal.
- What should I do? - Go out the back! Aah! Aah! it's a booby trap.
I need to get it in the mail, and I wanted you to have a final I was just, uh, taking a nap.
- Oh.
I'm sorry.
- Did I wake you? - No, no.
Would you mind taking a really quick look at this grant proposal? - I want to get it in the mail first thing.
- You know, I'll just gonna have a look at it later tonight.
Okay, it will only take a minute.
Uh and, um, we should really get it out in the mail first thing if we want to make the deadline.
Why don't you just mail it? - I trust you.
- You do? Thank whoa.
Yeah.
Listen, annie, it's nothing.
- We weren't- - ah! Don't worry, boss.
My lips are sealed.
well, that was, uh - really nice.
- Yeah.
um I don't know if I'm supposed to you think I did this for money? I'm sorry.
I didn't want to assume anything.
- I should get back to work.
- Yeah, me, too.
- Hey.
- Hey yourself.
- I, uh, put your sheet back under your kayak.
- Oh, thanks.
- Mm.
- Maybe I should come back later.
- Oh, oh, no.
It's okay.
I'm done.
okay, seriously, this is weird.
We can't even be in a store together? I just don't want the whole town to know what we're doing.
Neither do I, but we don't even know what we're doing.
I'm just saying, maybe we should have a talk about this whole naked thing that we're doing so that we can have a normal conversation outside of this naked thing that we're doing.
- Fine.
- Fine.
- I'll stop by your place at 9:00.
- Fine.
- Good.
Okay, I know I'm not supposed to say anything but can I just say "yay"? - Annie, um - you guys look so great together.
I was looking through the aisle.
I coughed.
Ahem.
Did you hear me? Uh, yeah, I, uh - I was thinking if you guys are, you know, whatever, that maybe Marin won't go back to new york as soon as she finishes her book.
She's such a huge flight risk.
God, it would be so awful here without her, don't you think? hey.
Are you here? Do you have a minute? I really need to talk.
- Oh, what did I do? - It sounds like you had sex with a hot guy twice.
Yeah.
He is pretty hot.
This is so not a good idea.
Oh.
I tried to go with it, you know, just have fun but I'm not a hooker upper.
- No offense.
- None taken.
But I can't have jack be my rebound guy.
That's just mean.
I just don't think I'm ready for anything else right now.
So tell him that when you see him tonight.
Yeah, I guess I could.
I just don't want it to be too awkward.
he is very hot.
You want to hear awkward? I slept with ben.
Theresa's ben? I mean, not that he's her ben necessarily anymore obviously.
Anyway, ben ben? And? It was nice.
until he tried to pay me.
Isn't that the general idea? We dated a few years ago.
What happened? Well, I stupidly broke things off when matt's dad came back into my life for, like, 30 seconds- just long enough for ben to meet theresa.
Do you still like him? Maybe I do.
I didn't think I did.
This is why I don't date anymore.
Not that I would date a married guy anyways.
Well, I'm the last person to encourage somebody to have an affair but he and theresa have that whole weird arrangement.
Maybe she wouldn't mind.
All women mind.
Jack jack? Jack? uh, hello? hello.
uh, this is, uh uh, you look can I have a glass of water? - are you sure you're okay? - Yeah.
I was just, uh, hot.
- That's all.
- Mm.
This is really soft.
It may be the most perfect piece of clothing I've ever seen.
I just wanted everything to be perfect for our first time.
- This is so perfect.
- Yeah.
Not like my first time, which was totally not perfect.
- Awful, actually.
- Awful? Yeah, not like you.
Well, he was just really nervous and he kept groping me like a blind guy.
And then I woke up the next morning in a barn.
Don't ask me how I got there.
But it was just me and these smelly goats.
I still have nightmares and - oh, did you- did you remember the condom? - Um no.
- Oh, I said come prepared.
Remember? - Well, I'm not, okay? I'm not prepared for any of this.
Bye.
Last call, people.
Don't mind me.
I can help myself.
- Can I have another bowl for the road? - I think you've had enough.
- Hey, has anyone seen jack? - Not tonight.
I saw him loading up his fishing gear.
- He's probably gone to his cabin up to ravenhook.
- Oh, his cabin.
Great.
So he's hiding to avoid a simple conversation.
Very mature.
I wish I could go into hiding.
Patrick? Unfortunately.
- Did something happen with you and annie? - No, actually.
Nothing happened between me and annie because I'm a big loser freak.
You are not a loser freak.
Annie went to all this trouble to make things special for me and I was all worried I was gonna botch things up and ruin the night and then things got weird, and I left and botched things up and ruined the night.
- So you just walked out? - I may have sprinted.
What is it with you guys? Why do you just run off when something gets a little awkward? Why don't you just talk and work things out like civilized women? Because talking leads to drama and then drama leads to more talking.
It's a vicious circle.
Men are afraid of talking.
We don't want to give you guys any ammo.
So we're the enemy here? The time you women spend analyzing everything to death you could be actually doing something.
Yeah.
Men aren't talkers.
- We're doers.
- Doers.
Fine.
Then do something.
- You care about annie, right? - Of course.
Then you should run right now and tell her that you want to be with her 'cause there aren't too many women like that around here especially in elmo.
Because if nothing else, she deserves a face-to-face conversation, right? Which i am going to have if it kills me.
You're right.
Excuse me.
So if you'll excuse me, I have a cabin to find.
- Where am i finding this cabin? - You turn left at the old mine, right? - Right right or right left? - Right left.
- Yeah.
No, left at the mine and then across the suspension bridge.
But it-it gets really dark out by ravenhook, and there's a lot of unmarked roads.
So I'll stop and ask for more directions because that's what women do- we ask things! There goes drama.
looks like someone got their hand caught in the cookie jar.
hey ho, friends and prospective guests of the elmo inn we're really sorry we missed ya, so leave a message- oh, hey.
I wanted to catch you before you left.
Listen, I want to apologize for before.
I left things weird between us, - and I am sorry.
- That's okay.
No, it's not.
Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night? Uh, sure.
Great.
Great.
Um listen, don't be offended if I pay for dinner, okay? okay.
I gave my flower to my high school librarian, mrs.
Teeboom.
Stop jiggling, patrick.
She was a trifecta of hotness- lonely, divorced and over 40.
- I still use some of the moves she taught me.
- There are moves? I don't even remember my first girl's name.
- Oh, my god.
- Annie's gonna forget about me.
No, she's not gonna forget about you.
You matter to her.
You don't forget about the people you care about.
I gotta get out of here! - I got an idea.
- Aah! No! I think we got it oh, my god.
Oh! oh, crap! Oh! annie! annie! annie! Annie! Annie! Patrick, what are you doing? I'm sorry for running off and breaking your window.
I tried knocking, but I guess you-you couldn't hear me.
What is that thing on your hand? Uh, it'S it's a condom dispenser.
I got my hand stuck.
It's a really long story.
I thought you weren't coming back.
I have been waiting over three hours for you.
Well, I've been waiting over 26 years for you.
And and if you let me, I'll give you the best first time you never had.
I love you, annie.
annie? I love you, too.
It was right here? Jack?! Hey! Hey, what are you doing here? Why did you bail on me? Sorry.
I just needed to be alone.
Oh.
Well, you could have told me that.
Look, I know you're a man of few words, but is there something that you want to say to me or not say to me? 'Cause I gotta tell you, I am really confused here.
That's why I come here.
This helps me think.
What are you thinking about? Us.
There's an "us"? - you don't stop, do you? - Unh-unh.
It's how I'm built.
I'm a talker.
It's what I do, usually.
Until I didn't with graham, and then it came back to bite me in the ass so I don't do that anymore.
If there's an awkward conversation to be had I'm your gal.
Okay.
I uh, don't think that I'm ready to be involved again.
Okay.
But if I was, you'd definitely be up there.
Up there.
Uh, thanks.
well, I think it's pretty clear at this point that I am not ready either.
That's what I was gonna tell you last night when you left and didn't leave a note.
Sorry, again.
Well, at least we know we're on the same page.
And just to clarify, that page would be uh, friends? yeah, okay.
Friends.
I've never actually been just friends with someone I've had sex with.
Bet you never fly-fished either.
you know, as your friend I just want you to know that you are very good in bed.
so are you.
Stop talking.
You'll scare the fish.
sometimes when we're quiet the answers we've been waiting for find their way to us.
We can't always use words to find our way through the darkness.
sometimes all you can hope for is some good conversation while you're figuring it all out.
And maybe when you have no words left at all you're right where you need to be.
because sometimes it's not until you stop talking that things really start.