Misfits s01e05 Episode Script

- What is that? - The storm, the lightning! It's just done something to us.
Something's happened to me too.
I turned invisible.
Look at me! All I have to do is touch you.
They'll think the probation worker's still alive.
Someone must be using his credit card.
It's them.
- I saw you with that girl.
- It just happened, like.
I didn't mean it to.
My life is fucked and that's on you.
Pervert! What are you doing? - Give it back.
- Come on, we'll do an interview.
First question.
Have you ever had sex with a piece of fruit? - Give me my phone.
- Second question.
Was it a melon? He's trying to kiss me! - He's trying to kiss me! - Just give it back! Give him his phone back, you prick.
Stop hitting me! Have your little toy.
Melon-fucker! Don't touch my phone.
He's got Tony's credit card.
- It was in here.
- Why did you put it back? You need to catch him using it.
It's evidence against him.
- It's here somewhere.
- Even if we catch him using it, it doesn't prove anything.
- How would he have got it? - Maybe he found it.
The most we can do him for is fraud.
Stop.
He'll know someone's been in there.
You keep this up, you're gonna lose your job.
I know this is difficult.
He's got Tony's credit card.
I'm sorry.
It's not enough.
What is this? This is your chance to talk about community service.
It's bullshit.
Have you learned anything? Don't get caught.
Fine.
How do you think you've changed? I think I'm taller.
They graffiti and we clean it off.
They graffiti and we clean it off.
They graffiti and we clean it off.
What is that about? Rough in the jungle, innit, in the jungle? You're fuckin' lying! Do I look like I'm some kind of fuckin' knob? Do I? It's not easy being you, is it? - What do you mean? - How do you get along with the others? It must be hard.
You're not like them.
You're more mature.
Why has he been in there longer than the rest of us? He's obviously making more progress.
He's such a little arse-kisser.
So have you thought about what you want to do when this is over? I don't know.
Would you like to go to college or get a? He's such a twat.
- Sorry, that was really unprofessional.
- He is a twat.
So what do you like doing? Come on, there must be something.
I like making videos, - editing them together and that.
- Really? I have a friend who runs an editing suite.
I could ask about some work experience, if that's what you're interested in.
There's no need to look so shocked.
I'm not that bad, am I? I should do some work.
Thank you.
For what? It's nice there's someone I can actually have a conversation with.
Thanks.
We never did find out who was putting notes in our lockers.
What did I say? I said they had nothing.
They were just pissing in the wind.
- You don't know what they got on us.
- Maybe they're watching us right now.
This shit is old news.
We have outfoxed the fox, which makes us very bloody foxy.
You like that, huh? Yeah.
- Do you wanna come to mine tonight? - Can't.
Gotta baby-sit my nephew.
How about I come with you? My aunt and uncle are well religious.
Don't even have a TV cos of all the sex.
Man, they take one look at you Are you saying I look dirty? I thought that was you.
D'you want a lift? I'm offering you a lift.
It's not illegal.
Get in.
Let's go somewhere quiet.
Why are you looking at me like that? I can't see you any more.
- Are you finishing with me? - I'm sorry.
Tell me why.
Tell me.
There are things going on with me, things I can't tell you about.
- What things? - It's nothing you've done.
It's me.
- I've changed.
- No, you can't do this to me.
- Don't do this.
- I'm sorry.
Please.
Why are you looking at me like that? It's nothing.
Nothing.
Let's get a drink.
So what's going on with Curtis and Alisha? Come on.
I'm not blind.
Are they seeing each other? I suppose so.
Alisha's a very beautiful girl, isn't she? So what else do you lot get up to when I'm not around? Nothing.
Really? It's OK.
I'm not sure I wanna know, anyway.
Are you up to anything exciting this evening? I'll probably just go online.
How about you? I'll watch some television, get an early night.
God, I sound boring.
I don't think so.
Thanks.
See you tomorrow.
- What if I can talk to animals? - Why would you even think that? I saw this basset hound eating a kebab off the pavement.
I was like, "You dirty bastard," and this basset hound gave me a right funny look.
- He probably thought you were a twat.
- No, it wasn't that kind of look.
It was more like, "Are you talking to me?" See? Babies.
That's why I always use a condom.
And if the girl looks dirty, I use two.
Belt and braces.
Who's that? It's a mate.
- Come on, let's go again.
- Really? I'm good to go.
You seen Curtis? - Who are you? - I'm his girlfriend.
Do you know where he is? He's been arrested.
- What for? - For exposing himself.
- What? - Yeah, flashing.
At some Scouts.
Try tying a knot in that! Or maybe you have.
Very funny.
When you see him, can you get him to call Sam? She seems nice.
Your girlfriend was here.
The other one.
We covered for you, though.
I always wanted to be a cheat.
I'm just too disorganised.
I struggle to remember one girl's name.
It's not like that.
I've tried to finish with Sam.
I tell her it's over, she starts to cry and you know what it's like when girls cry.
- Horrible.
- I feel so guilty.
Time rewinds and it's like I never said it.
I've ended it six times.
She cries, I'm back where I started.
It's doing my head in.
I just need it to be over.
You need to make her hate you.
Seriously.
She's steaming, she's telling you you've got a tiny dick, you're crap in bed.
You don't feel guilty, maybe time won't rewind.
You gotta be brutal.
Get her riled.
Tell her she's got nasty snatch gunk.
I don't even know what that is.
You know, - it's the stuff that comes out.
- I'm not saying that.
She hasn't done nothing wrong.
I can't hurt her.
- I hear you, man.
- Don't put your arm around me.
It's these powers, man.
No matter what you do, the ones you love will be the ones who pay.
Right.
See you later, chief.
Who are you? Hello.
Who are you? Finn? Where did you go? Come here.
- He's always crawling off.
- He's beautiful.
Thanks.
- What's his name? - Finn.
Finn.
So how old is he? - Nine months.
- He must take a lot of looking after.
Yeah, just a bit.
Only had two hours' sleep last night, didn't I? Is there no-one to help you? Where's his dad? He's not around.
Really? Can I? Can I hold him? Maybe I could play with him for a while.
We could hang out.
Nathan! What the hell are you doing? I found a baby.
Bye, Finn! Did you see him? He is beautiful.
Are you taking the piss? I've spoken to a few people about getting you work experience.
- They're gonna come back to me.
- Thanks.
Are you OK? Do you? Are you doing anything? I was going home.
Do you want a drink? I mean, with me.
Do you wanna go for a drink with me? I'm your probation worker.
I can't.
I'm sorry.
What did you want to talk to me about? - I can't see you any more.
- You're finishing with me? Why? Cos I'm gay.
You're gay? So What, it was all a lie? - Everything? - Wait - How could you do that? - What are you doing? - Do I mean nothing to you? - Don't cry.
- What did you want to talk to me about? - I can't see you any more.
You're finishing with me? Why? Cos you're fat.
You're large.
- Kind of round.
- What? I've got 3 months left to live.
I don't want to waste it with you.
I'm impotent and I know how much you love cock.
- Why are you being like this? - Cos you got weird tits.
And nasty snatch gunk.
I'm sorry.
- You're finishing with me? - You're gonna ask me why and I can't tell you.
There are things going on with me, things I can't tell you about.
No matter what I do, the ones I love will be the ones who pay.
- Is that from Spider-Man? - What? What you just said.
That's from Spider-Man.
You're dumping me with a line from Spider-Man? You immature, pathetic, shallow bastard! - It's not from Spider-Man! - Have you got no respect for me? I thought you were better than that.
You stay away from me! Done.
They asked me if I wanted small or large.
- I said large.
- You trying to get me drunk? I'm joking.
Maybe I should get you drunk.
- Why? - Because I reckon you're quite cute when you're drunk.
- Who's that? - I went to school with him.
A friend? He lives next door to me.
He stopped speaking to me when we started secondary school.
Did he give you a hard time? Every morning when I woke up, I felt sick just thinking about it.
I told my parents and the teachers.
They knew it was happening.
No-one did anything.
Was it his house you tried to burn down? A few months ago, he sent me a text inviting me to this club.
I thought he wanted to apologise.
I get to the club, I walk up to him and his mates.
He texted me by mistake.
It was so humiliating.
I was so angry, I I got drunk.
I started thinking about everything he did to me at school.
I lost it.
I went round to his house.
I made sure his family were out.
I soaked some tissues in lighter fluid.
I lit them and dropped them through the letterbox.
- There was a cat.
- A cat? Inside the house.
I thought, "The cat didn't bully me at school.
"He hasn't done anything.
" The carpet was just starting to catch alight.
The cat was freaking out.
- What did you do? - I put the fire out.
How? I pissed through the letterbox.
This is when his mum comes home.
She starts screaming.
You know what it's like once you've started.
It's hard to stop.
- It's not funny.
- Sorry.
I'm sorry.
So are you gonna walk me home? Let's go.
Let's give them something to talk about.
All right? This is me.
Do you wanna come in? Maybe this isn't such a good idea.
- I'm sorry.
- No, it's my fault.
See you tomorrow.
So did you go with "nasty snatch gunk", yeah? - Tried it.
- Seriously? It's done.
It's over.
You know what you said about, "No matter what you do, "the ones you love will be the ones who pay"? Is that from Spider-Man? I don't know.
I was just trying to sound intelligent.
Prick.
Why are you complaining? You got away with it.
Alisha didn't find out.
Job done.
Sorted.
Do you hear that? - What? - A baby crying.
What are you talking about? Do you hear that? What? The baby.
Hey there, little man.
It's all right.
I'm here.
I think I've just seen Nathan stealing a baby.
He just ran off with it.
- Why would he take a baby? - If he gets caught, he's screwed.
Call the prick.
- Switched off.
We need to find him.
- Fuck's sake.
Come on! What's he doing? What the fuck are you doing? There's no need for language like that.
Don't listen to her.
That's a very bad word and she should know better.
- You're acting like a freak.
- Give us the baby.
- You're not taking him! He needs me.
- I think he's gone mental.
Be my daddy.
Be my daddy.
Be my daddy.
The baby, he's got power.
- He's making you think you're the dad.
- He needs a dad.
I know what that's like.
My dad was never around.
Look what it did to me.
- I'm gonna be his daddy.
- You? - You're gonna be its dad? - You're a homeless.
- You're living in the community centre.
- You got no money, no job.
- You're poor.
- And you've got a criminal record.
You can barely look after yourself.
Social Services will take one look at you Seriously, the kid deserves better.
Way better.
Him and his mum can come and live with me at the centre.
I can get free food from the vending machines.
I'll steal booze from the kitchen.
I'll steal from other babies.
I'll go to the park and forage for nuts and berries.
You prick.
Why am I holding this baby? I'm not being sexist but one of you girls needs to take this off me before I drop it on its head.
Why have you got my baby?! Did you take him? You stay away from him! - You stay away from him.
- He didn't take him.
We found him outside.
We were bringing him back.
He's all right.
Why do you keep crawling off? He already thinks I'm a shit mum.
It's like I'm not enough for him.
- You should take him to see his dad.
- He's not interested.
Trust me, as soon as he sees him, he'll want to be his dad again.
I promise ya.
Thanks for bringing him back.
Well, look at you, using your powers, being all superhero.
So is it always this tidy or is it just to impress me? It's always this tidy.
- Is this all the stuff you've recorded? - Some of it.
- Most of it's on hard drive.
- Well, I'd love to watch something.
That's really good.
You're very talented.
What's this? Do you remember that storm a few weeks ago? Yeah, it was just before I started, wasn't it? Do you have any more footage? I'd love to see that.
That's it.
Do you want a coffee? Love one.
Simon, I've got to go.
I've got a friend coming over and I completely forgot.
I'm sorry.
I'll see you tomorrow.
I'm really sorry.
What is going on with this weather? That's my car.
What have I told you about filming us on that thing?! There's something I need to tell you.
It's not how it sounds! - How long have you been with her? - It's complicated.
You're the first person I've been faithful to and you're cheating on me? You have no idea what happened to me last week.
You don't know! There's another version of history.
There's a few versions.
In the first one, Sam went to jail for a drug deal that went bad.
It was my fault.
I turned back time.
I had the chance to change everything but I messed up and Sam died.
So I went back again, to save her, which I did, but that meant you and all the others, Simon and Kelly, you all died.
So I went back again.
I saved Sam and you and everyone else.
I come back to the present and and Sam's still my girlfriend.
Only you are too.
Seriously? Were you with her when you were getting together with me? Not the first time, but everything changed, so I guess I must've been.
Are you cheating on me with her or are you cheating on her with me? I have no idea.
I didn't mean to cheat on either of you.
- Don't even know if it is cheating.
- I split up with her.
I couldn't lie to you.
I don't want us to be like that.
Oh, I get it.
So you're telling me, even though you didn't have to.
I can't do these big relationship moments.
I won't shag anyone either, and if I do, I'll tell you about it.
Just don't shag anyone else, full stop.
- Fine! - Fine.
So I guess we're getting serious, then.
Listen, I'm sorry I had to leave early yesterday.
It's fine.
You've You've got dirt on your face.
I'll see you later.
No way! What? You and her? - What are you talking about? - I'm talking about - Don't tell anyone.
Don't tell Nathan! - I won't tell that prick anything.
Fit older woman.
Heavy.
Thanks.
Come on, baby.
Come on, now.
- Is that your tea? - Starter, main course, dessert.
- And a beverage to wash it down.
- You can't live on that shit.
Why don't you come round my house and I'll cook you dinner? - What are you cooking? - Chicken nuggets.
- So you are a trained chef? - Do you wanna come or not? - Are you asking me round for sex? - Oh, for God's sake.
She's cooking me "tea", man.
I think I'm in there.
I saw the light was on.
Have the others gone? This, seeing you like this I could lose my job.
I won't tell anyone.
But I'm your probation worker.
It's wrong.
- Do you want me to go? - No.
- I'm such an idiot.
- You're not an idiot.
Do you want a drink? You get some wine from the kitchen.
I'll lock up.
So is it true? What you said about your dad? What if it is? Moving on.
The thing with me snatching the baby You know What's that? Are you thanking me for saving your arse? I guess I am.
These chicken nuggets are cooked to perfection.
What? Have you ever had a girlfriend? Who was she? I met her on holiday.
Really? Did you ever? Did you ever have sex? We just held hands.
We were only nine.
Come here.
- Why? - Because I want to kiss you.
You go get more wine.
What have I told you about filming us on that thing? Pervert! Here, have your little toy.
It's like that, is it? So much for being united by a horrific, life-changing, shared experience.
You know, the situation.
We killed our probation worker! It's like that, is it? So much for being united by a horrific, life-changing, shared experience.
Last week.
You know.
The situation.
Oh, Jesus.
We killed our probation worker.
You shouldn't have taken my phone.
Give me the phone.
- You killed him.
- We had to.
He was crazy.
He was going to kill us.
Tony wouldn't hurt anyone.
The storm changed him.
It changed us all.
We have to tell the police.
You were just using me.
This is what you were after.
I had to find out what happened.
This was the only way.
I'm sorry.
I know it wasn't you.
It was them, wasn't it? You have to give evidence against them.
I'll help you.
Give me my phone! Why are you protecting them?! You told me how they treat you.
They ignore you.
You told me you were lonely.
I never said that to you.
You? You're Shygirl? I loved Tony.
I just wanted to know what happened.
I didn't want to lie to you.
You're not like them, Simon.
You're not.
But you're the only person that can help me.
I need you.
Would you do this for me? Please? Please? Shit! I can't let you go to the police.
You don't owe them anything.
They're the only friends I've got.
I'm looking for Sally.
We can help you, Curtis.
Go! I've always had a set of balls.
You've just never seen them.
That is about the gayest thing I've ever heard.
Get on with it, you little freak! Alisha, stop! I'm sorry.
I will put a bullet in your skull! Kelly, don't! Everybody down.
We fucked up bigger and better than any generation that's come before us.
We were so beautiful!