Monday Monday (2009) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
Alison, the hospital rang Don't say it.
Please.
It's your father.
I didn't even know he was ill.
You should make sure she's alright.
I look on you as a friend.
You need professional help, Christine.
And I'll get it.
Please don't leave me.
I'm not gonna.
(Sobs) You know that.
And what would you say your main plus points are, Christine? Well, I am a woman who knows what she wants.
I'm very successful.
And what age range are you looking for in a partner? Dunno.
My age, more or less.
How old is that? We'll put your details into our database and see what we come up with.
Should find you someone in the next couple of days.
Wonderful.
Don't suppose you fancy a drink, do you? We're not allowed to socialise with clients.
I'm not a lesbian.
I just wanted to kill some time.
You know what it's like.
Don't want to go back to work.
Don't want to go home either.
I'm afraid it's company policy.
Don't make me go to the cinema all by myself.
Again.
I'll see myself out.
£ Theme music (Wedding bells) Will you, Michael, take Sally to be your lawful wedded wife? I will.
You're not Michael.
Will you, Sally, take Michael to be your lawful wedded husband.
(Echoed laughter) Will you promise to (Echoed) Be faithful to him as long as you live (Alarm beeps) (Gasps) I feel humiliated.
Well, you shouldn't.
You're so in a different place now.
Fine.
But I still don't want anyone at work to know.
Remember how you felt six months ago? If you bumped into Michael now you'd feel completely differently.
If I bumped into Michael now I'd kick his head in and rip his bloody balls off! Good.
Yes, now you see how much perspective you've gained.
I feel like everybody knows it was meant to be today.
Like I've got jilted bride written across my forehead.
No, don't be silly.
No-one knows.
Tada! So, today is a very special day for a very lucky lady.
Er, you shouldn't have.
They're not from me.
I mean, I would've bought you flowers.
In fact, I should have bought you both flowers to say thanks for letting me stay last week, but, you know how it is, sort of, have a thought and then you forget the thought.
But it is the thought that counts.
I'd quit while you're ahead, Steven.
So, go on, then.
Open the little card.
I want to know who they're from.
Well? No-one.
They can't be from no-one.
No-one important.
I'm just gonna put these in water.
Is she OK? She Just don't ask.
I thought the place needed brightening up.
Great minds think alike.
I bought in some plants.
Chlorophytum comosum.
Spider plants.
Otherwise known as spider plants.
At my meeting last night, Elijah talked about how selfish alcoholics can be.
He said we'd all benefit from looking after something like a dog or a goldfish.
And you chose a spider plant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Apparently they're very hard to kill.
Right.
Point being, that by taking care of these little fellas I would gain What was it? The patience to develop the friendships I've been sorely lacking.
I mean, I've got friends, haven't I? Of course.
Would you say I've got lots of friends? Well, when you say lots I mean, obviously you'd think of us as friends.
Right? Sure.
Pop to the kitchen, give them some water, eh? Oh.
Make us a cup of tea while you're there.
You didn't send them to yourself? Don't be silly.
Well, if you don't tell me then I'll have to tell everyone that today OK.
They're from him.
Who him? Michael him.
You're joking? Well, what did he say? Sorry.
He said 'Sorry, love Michael.
' Oh, what a dick.
Tell me about it.
Why are you putting them in a vase? Thought you wanted to kick his head in? Put them in the bin.
What do you think he means? Do you think he means like sorry Stop those spiraling thoughts right there.
You need to chop the ends diagonally.
Then they'll last longer.
Right, here you go - one strip-a-gram uniform.
Only joking.
It's HR's turn on the job swap.
You're booked in on supermarket floor Headingley branch.
Uh, was I supposed to know about this? I forwarded Christine an email, she said thought you'd benefit more than she would.
The lad from the bakery will be here at 11:00.
OK? I'm no good on my feet all day.
Fine.
Then you type up your own Fantasticat notes.
I'll go and get changed.
You can't go before you've done the presentation.
Then you go to the supermarket and I'll do the presentation.
I thought you were supposed to be my friend.
You need to work on your empathy.
Before you say anything - it's my new look.
Well, it it's very lovely.
Firey.
Titian.
Good for you.
Very brave.
Thank you, Christine.
Thank you very much.
No, no.
Thank you.
Have a lovely day.
And you.
Empathy.
Morning.
Yes, it's Titian.
It's my new look.
Did you do it for charity? Hmm? Was it supposed to be highlights? OK, sorry, can we have a little bit of quiet? Where's Sally? She's been nabbed for a job swap.
She's got to go on supermarket floor.
How long for? Why? You pining already? Can I have a little bit of quiet, please? Everyone.
Fantasticat.
(Meows) This is the Fantasticat.
And the Fantasticat is going to help us work out what we are - fantastic at.
It's also going to help us with our 360 degree appraisals.
(All groan) OK, so, to start with there's some key phrases to remember, um, yep, they are (Clears throat) Would you excuse me for one minuto.
I can't work with notes like these.
Your writing - it's teeny tiny and spidery, and everyone's staring at me like I'm an idiot.
You need to come.
Now.
Like immediately.
Or else Or else what? Friends help each other.
Friends don't like to see their friends humiliated.
(Gasps) Please! Oh, OK.
Just give me a minute to change.
No time to change.
No, no, no! And, so, to recap, you need to fill in the questionnaire and your answers will be assessed by your peers.
The intention is to gain insight into where you think your strengths and weaknesses lie and where your peers think your strength and weaknesses lie.
Um, they need to be completed by the end of the day, and then they'll be passed on to Alyson and used as part of the departmental assessments.
Thank you very much, everybody, for your time.
You'll need to type up the forms.
You can ask one of the Karens to help.
Oh, who knows, maybe Gillon will be a talented typist.
Who? The job swap, from the bakery.
Is someone coming in from the bakery? It's called a job swap, Christine.
Look like you needed that.
Yeah, first cigarette I've had for a year and a half.
I keep trying to quit.
It's not easy.
Yeah, I know.
I get a few days in and then some shit happens and I'm back on 'em again.
One day at a time.
You know, you must forgive yourself.
If you fall, draw on your inner strength and try again.
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to lecture you No, no, it's cool.
Wise words.
I'll try again.
Um, you've got something on your jacket.
Is that soil? I have spider plants.
Right.
Well, thanks for the advice.
I'll see you around.
Yeah, see you around.
It's not so hard to make friends, is it? You two happy here? In this light? Good.
Thirsty? No, I don't think so.
Seem to be OK to me Christine, the job swap's here.
Christine, Gillon.
Gillon, Christine.
Finding it extremely tricky bringing my 'what I am fantastic at' list down to three.
Even if I cut out all my sports, I've still got - mental arithmetic, verbal reasoning, lateral thinking and communication skills.
Can't think of any negatives.
Well, you are a ginga.
Yeah, and you have a very average IQ.
What? And I have great boobs but can we just stop bickering.
And try and get on, shall we? Oh, for God's sake! Somebody has posted up some ginger jokes on the intranet.
If I find out that's you, Vince, you are dead, you hear me? Dead meat! So, basically, think of the office as a ship and HR as the helm of the ship - without HR the ship would sink.
Well, it wouldn't sink straight away, but it might go offcourse and maybe smash into another ship.
And then, it would sink.
We're a very important department.
Right.
And I'm rather a big cheese here, so, if you want to climb the corporate ladder, just give me the word.
Let's get to work.
So, what do we do now? We write our own good points and our own bad points - all the positives and all the negatives and then we swap.
And I look at what you've written and you look at what I've written.
Then I write what I think are your good points and your bad points and you write what you think are my good points and my bad points.
And then we hand them in and no conferring.
Do you remember two years ago when you thought that pink cardigan didn't suit me and I still wore it, and we fell out? That were awful.
I cried for about five days.
Me too.
Um Should I be doing something? Oh Do you know how to fill a stapler? Yeah, everyone knows how to Super.
Fill that.
Back in a tick.
You'll have to be quick.
I'm not allowed to take calls.
I just need to know what you do.
What? In the office, what do you do? Everything that you don't do.
Which is everything.
Could you be a little more specific? I've really got to go.
Gillon, do you know the fire drill? No.
Good, come on.
That's a work of art.
Don't be silly.
It's just icing.
Uh-uh.
You do it with pride, and it shows.
Well, I love cakes.
I was nearly somebody's wife once.
Ten years ago, I was stood up at the altar.
I was a size 8 on my wedding day, can you believe it? Now look at me - the last rotting apple in the basket, the last pint of milk going off in the fridge, well past my sell-by date.
How about you, Sally? You got a fella? You OK, love? It's not very British, is it? Listing what you're fantastic at.
How about me? Hmm? What am I fantastic at? Well, you're just generally fantastic at loads of things.
Like? Well, you're, ah, you're fantastically efficient.
Organised.
Driven.
Is that it? Well, you're fantastic in bed.
Thanks.
Who's that? That is the new Sally.
Listen Steven, um, do you fancy having some lunch today? Because my meeting's been cancelled we can go to that cafe on the corner.
Yeah, that would have been really nice but I've got to go to the bank at lunchtime to pay-in some cheques.
Is that OK with you? Yeah, of course it's OK with me.
We're not joined at the hip, are we? In fact, I think I'll skip lunch.
I'm not actually that hungry.
And then I found out Michael was having an affair - with my own sister.
Ever since we were kids, she's always wanted what I've got.
My Ken doll, my bedroom, my fiance.
Don't you get worried, Helen, that you won't meet anyone? Well, first of all, no-one fancies me.
And second, I'm happy on my own.
We don't need men.
They let you down.
Better off without them.
Spice Girl power and all that.
So, what you have to do is just take a leap of faith and say, 'I am fantastic at' It'd have to be music.
I mean, I want to be a singer-songwriter.
Go on, then - just say it.
Say 'I am fantastic at' OK.
I am fantastic at music.
Great.
And between you and me, Gilly, you know, my heart also lies in the creative arts.
But it's not going to be easy.
You are going to have to fight for your dreams.
You know, if I'd carried on training I could have been a ballerina at Covent Garden by now.
No shit? Yes, shit.
I'm telling you that's Knock knock! I'm about to go for lunch and I thought Gillon might like to come with.
Maybe I can show you where the canteen is? Yeah, we'll see you down there.
Excuse me, have you got anything better than sliced bread? What are you doing here? You look like you're having a bad day.
So.
The flowers, wow.
I'm guessing they're from a guy.
If you must know, today was meant to be my wedding day.
They were from Michael.
Oh.
Oh.
He sent them as an apology.
My God, what a dick.
Well, it's probably character-building, so Sally Newman.
How about you and I go out this evening to celebrate the fact you never have to think about that twat ever again? A few drinks, a few bags of crisps.
Don't let anybody tell you I don't know how to show a girl a good time.
I don't think I'd be very good company.
You're always good company.
Well, Alyson may not like it, so There's no harm in a drink.
It's not like it's a date or anything.
Actually, I just fancy settling down with a glass of wine and watching Jaws.
Like I said, better off alone.
You'd rather be alone with Jaws.
Yeah.
That's what I watch, when I'm feeling suicidally single.
Most people would go for a rom-com.
Well that seems pretty stupid because you want something to take your mind off romance, don't you? Look, thanks for coming by, Steven, it's been fun Sally! Sal Nice sandwiches.
Oh.
Sally, look, I I am really fond of you.
That's .
.
that's sweet.
I'll see you around, OK? It's just a little something from me to say thank you for all the support you've shown me lately with my dad and everything.
You didn't need to buy me a present.
Well, I want you to know that I don't only care about work - there are other things that are important to me as well.
In fact, I've been thinking about this whole 'let's keep us a secret' thing and maybe it's time we came out? How about dinner tonight, somewhere fancy? I'll book a table.
Yeah, great.
Great.
The next thing I know, I'm feeling a bit low so I stick my head in the fridge and start comfort-eating for England.
Too many nights in with those cats, that's my problem.
How many have you got? Three at the moment.
Is she still going on about those bloody cats? Sally, Greg.
Greg's on fish.
Nice to meet you, Sally.
Hi.
I'm not as spotty as the usual lad.
So, you're running late then, Greg? No.
I thought I'd come in early for tomorrow's morning shift to keep ahead of the game.
He drives me mad, he does.
He's so bloody rude, isn't he? You've got a bit of a thing for him? He's alright.
He's tall.
Makes me laugh.
Anyway, what's the point? I've been there once.
Not going there again.
Not worth the hurt.
What? So you're saying, your wanker of an ex is going to stop you from having any fun? Brilliant.
What are you doing tonight anyway? Anything nice? I'm going to go out.
For a drink.
So I thought to hell with Jaws, I'm going to just Table's booked.
Not that it was easy.
Anyone would think I was trying to do something illegal.
Sally.
I'm going to just catch up on some paperwork, 'cause God knows what Christine's been up to without me.
You really didn't have to do this, Christine.
No problem, it was totally on my way.
Right, well, thanks for the lift.
I'll see you tomorrow.
See ya.
£ Upbeat music Yeah.
There are numerous red-headed popstars.
Yeah, there are, mainly B-listers.
Not that there's anything wrong with being a B-lister.
They're very much performers in their own right.
Mick Hucknall is not a B-lister.
I recently read in a poll that he's one of the most disliked men in pop music.
And I recently read that he's slept with over 500 women, so, you know, touche.
Karens! Red-headed pop stars, name some.
Um Mick Huckw We got him.
We've already done him, ya.
Talking of aging rockers.
Hmm.
So, you gonna give me some lessons, then? If you want.
Are you expensive? Oh, no, I'm a bargain.
Huh, me too - to the right person.
Morning, Gillon.
Safe! Oh, brought your guitar in.
Gonna serenade me? Uh, no, I've got a gig later on.
Nice look, Christine.
What's that, like a retro Madonna thing? Yeah, look, it's just something I pulled together at the last minute.
OK, Gillon, let's go.
Another day, another dollar.
Come on, another euro.
Come on.
And how was your evening? Enjoy yourself? Oh, I didn't go in the end - needed an early night.
I had a quiet one too.
One of the cats had been sick behind the washing machine.
Managed to have a bit of a think, though.
About what you said.
Hey? You know, about Greg? Oh, well, you shouldn't listen to me.
What do I know? No, I think you were talking sense.
I think he might fancy me.
And like you say, why the hell let that ex of mine ruin me life? £ It's coming down like chocolate stars in the sun £ Every few years gone £ Don't waste your time, boy £ Don't waste it shouting at the moon £ At the moon £ At the moon £ 'Cause it's all coming down £ After you.
£ What's going on? Oh, it's just a little guitar music.
Yeah, I can see what instrument he's playing, thanks.
Ah.
Um Yeah, look, I felt that the morale of the workers could be raised by some music.
You know, during the war, seriously There is always something going on with you, isn't there, Christine? Things are never normal.
And I'm still waiting for those appraisals.
I'd like you to email them through to me by the end of the day.
I just said it, straight out.
I said 'Greg, you coming for a drink tonight, or what?' And he said? He said, 'If I must'.
What do you think? Oh, I dunno, Helen.
We're going to go straight out after the shift - you, me and Greg.
Me? I want treat you to a goodbye drink.
And you've talked some sense into me.
Shown me I can take control of me love life.
Like you do.
So how do I get the appraisals out of the file and into the emails? Um, yeah, you just Oooh, that's easy-peasy when you know how, isn't it? God, Sally makes such a fuss about sending these things.
Problemo? Yeah, it's me mate Guy.
He's meant to be helping me out with the gig later on but he's blown me out.
Friendships can be very disappointing.
Maybe I can help.
Oh, it's carrying loads of heavy stuff and I was gonna use his car.
As my father used to say - 'You could crush grown men with those thighs, Christine.
' That was before the bulimia.
And I've got a car with a big boot! Hey, nice! Kissable.
Helen? If things don't work out tonight, you won't be too disappointed, will you? I mean, men can give out confusing signals and Look at you, all worried! It's my date, not yours.
I'll be fine, I'm excited.
OK.
Alright, that's that done.
Let's rock! Well, you're not going to get in trouble if you're not around here? I mean, it's only four o'clock.
Oh, they'll survive.
I can't believe you'd write that about me.
What? I'm not selfish.
I'm tall.
That is why I do the tall things.
How dare that you write that I'm selfish? How do you know what I wrote? Have a look in your inbox.
She's sent them out on a round robin, hasn't she? I thought you were my best friend, Karen! Karen! Don't run away from me! I want to talk to you! You wanted to see me? Yeah, what would you say was the target demographic for our new organic range? Oh, um 16 to 44, ABC1.
What does FMGC stand for? First Market Fast Moving Consumer Goods.
What's the capital of Bulgaria? Bucharest? Sofia.
Second man on the moon? Sorry.
I'm not quite sure what I'm just establishing that there are certain areas - large areas, where I know more than you.
And, as such, I find it rather surprising that you think I have a, quote - 'a patronising manner, in both business and personal situations.
' How did you know You see it's not patronising if I'm actually smarter than you.
Maybe you don't know what patronising means.
Perhaps you'd like me to write it down for you.
Has anyone seen Christine? In her office.
I'm asked to write a negative quality, I write a negative quality, and I'm attacked for it! I'm telling you - I will not be spoken to like that by that .
.
ginger idiot! I'll resign.
If anyone needs me, I'll be in the canteen.
You should've took me aside and talked to me in private! Instead of humiliating me in front of the entire office! (Loud bickering) Christine? Oh, we've had some laughs, haven't we? Do you remember that time when I threw icing at you and it got stuck in your hair? Er, nope.
Yes you do! You're such a tease.
Oh, I won't be a minute.
Vince has been crying in the toilet, the Karens are threatening to kill each other I'll try and locate Christine.
Yo! Wassup? PHONE: Christine, where are you? Oh, Sally, it's been the most incredible day.
You're not at your desk? Yeah, the whole the friendship thing.
I've really got the hang of it! Yeah, Gill and I, we're getting on like a house on fire.
He's just terrific, and he's so talented.
Christine, you send out the appraisals email on a round robin.
The office is in chaos.
Hello? Hello? Yes um, oh, Sally Um, terrible line, I can't You're breaking up.
(Makes static noise) Hello? (Whistling) Hello?! Yeah, that was the office.
Everything's falling apart without me.
Typically.
So, where were we? Right, red or black? This is the red.
That's very nice.
It's a lovely colour on you.
Then again, maybe you should try the black on, once more, just Er, uh, yep.
£ Romantic music Christine? OK, yeah, sorry.
I was just - the black! It's very nice.
£ So if I don't stand a chance £ Then let me down easy £ I don't want to fall from this height.
£ Oh these days, these days I was always afraid would arrive.
£ (Cheering) Thanks.
Thanks very much.
Well, I'm just going to introduce my next, and my last song of the night.
And there's someone pretty special to me out there and I just want to say thank you to her.
And so this next song's for her.
(Guitar plucking) £ These broken strings, they won't pull me back again £ Caught in the middle with the future £ Got no plans £ Wish I could freeze these moments now.
£ JAWS MOVIE: Everybody, get out of the water now! It was electric.
I took 34 pictures - all marvellous.
Thanks.
And another.
Gillon You don't have to be embarrassed, you know.
You can say it.
You know, whatever you want.
I'll be cool with whatever you want to say.
Oh God You're so sweet.
And inexperienced.
Oh, God, Christine, what It's OK.
Look, I feel it too.
You - know the closeness, the connections No, no, no! You've got this wrong! Oh my god, you are so weird.
Kelly! Listen - this is not how it looks.
OK.
Bring on the cliches.
Oh, Kel, come on! I mean, look at her! I'm not into her.
She's my mum's age! Look, Christine, will you please just explain? Yeah Uh Like he said, it was a Kel! Brilliant.
Sorry.
(Christine snores) Christine? I think we should go and get a coffee.
I Don't say it.
I've heard it too many times.
The word means nothing anymore.
But I mean it.
You can't just keep saying sorry.
OK.
I'm not going to say it.
I was having this great day I'm glad somebody was.
You know, the whole plant thing, I just I really felt like it'd cracked it.
I'd felt like made a friend and it just felt so good.
And then, as usual, I ruined it.
I just took it too far.
You don't deserve friends.
You never ever, take the flack for anything.
I would say sorry but I do everything I can for you.
And the only person you ever think of is yourself - you're selfish.
You're right.
I am a ridiculous, selfish, deluded woman.
I tried to kiss him, Sally.
You what? Oh, Gillon.
The job-swap boy.
He's 21 years old and I tried to kiss him.
I just wasn't thinking straight.
Good God.
Look, I want to change.
I do.
I want to be better.
I want to stop drinking.
I want to stop making ridiculous mistakes.
I want to be normal, Sally.
Somebody better have a very good explanation.
My name is Christine Frances, and I am an alcoholic.
Are we supposed to look surprised? Her denial runs very, very deep.
Yes, I know, it's something of a shock.
But I am what is called a functioning alcoholic.
Debate the word 'functioning'.
And so I have gathered us here, not only to ask for your support in my struggle for sobriety but also .
.
to apologise for my mistake re the appraisals.
I would first like to make it clear that Sally is in no way accountable.
In fact I'd like to make it clear that .
.
Sally is very rarely accountable for anything that goes wrong.
She is a tour de force.
And I would be lost without her.
And so, I ask for the strength to change the things I can change.
And the wisdom to accept the things I cannot.
Now.
Would everybody like to take a chair and move them into a circle.
I didn't mean to offend you.
Then why did you write it? I don't know.
I have to ask you to do things all the time.
I feel so useless.
I hate being small.
I didn't think you minded.
I'm just a little squit, who can't do anything for herself.
But I like doing things for you.
You're my best friend.
I'd do anything for you.
I'd do anything for you too.
Then what are you both fighting for? ALL: Oh! (Applause) I meant what I said - you're patronising.
How do you feel about that, Max? Yeah.
I'll try and take that on board.
Well done, Max.
What I don't take on board though, is the comment about my red hair being a cheap bid for attention.
This is actually my natural hair colour.
I'm a redhead, a ginga.
But I thought For fear of scorn and prejudice I have dyed my hair blonde since puberty up until last week when my trichologist told me that if I carried on doing it, I'd go bald.
I therefore took the decision to go back to my natural hair colour.
Would anyone like to respond to what Max has just shared with us? I lost my virginity to a redhead.
His pubic hair was like flaming fire.
I think redheads are hot.
Thank you, Natasha.
Growing up I had to live with such scorn and prejudice, one just learnt to accept it.
Try being gay.
Then you'll know scorn and prejudice.
(Group gasps) That was a joke.
Congratulations.
Just a bloody joke.
So don't forget, drinks in the canteen tonight, yeah? My shout.
Orange juice for me.
Cocktails and beer for you.
All welcome! Let us celebrate a fresh start.
I really appreciated what you said out there, about me.
Thank you.
I should have said it a long time ago.
(Mobile phone message) 'Call me.
I've changed.
Michael X.
' I don't know any Michael X.
That's kiss, not 'X'.
That's my phone.
No, I think it was brave of her, even if we all did know already.
It takes some guts to get up there and say it.
She was probably drunk.
I presume you're not coming to the party, not really your sort of thing.
I It's OK.
I understand.
I'll head back to Vince's after, then I won't wake you.
It was a joke.
I meant it ironically.
What's ironic about being gay, Vince? It's ironic if you're straight.
Which I am.
You've got gay hands.
You don't look like you're enjoying yourself very much.
Well, parties and sobriety - it's not a great combination.
Woo hoo - needs some more orange juice! I'll get it for you.
So now you're blonde again, do your collars and cuffs not match? That's for me to know and you to find out.
Hi there.
Hi.
Listen, Sally, um, the other evening, I I'm sorry.
I didn't know that Alyson was taking me out for dinner.
Oh, don't worry about that, I had work to do.
OK, well Drink? Yeah.
I thought maybe I'm getting Christine an orange juice and for myself a stiff vodka and cranberry - take your pick.
Vodka cranberry, thanks.
So.
Do you think she'll stick to it? Who knows.
It's not easy - change.
I've changed, you know.
Have you now? Hmm.
Remember when we first met? How could I forget? I vomited on you.
Oh, yeah.
Now Sally, I don't know where my head was at, OK? I was impressed by things, then, that I'm just not impressed by anymore.
Guess who? Alyson.
Surprise! Hey.
I'm just going to go and I thought I know, I know, I never come to these things and I should.
I need to loosen up a bit and I missed you.
Well, why keep it a secret? I mean, we are both consenting adults, aren't we? And you're right, we should have come out ages ago.
I knew they were a couple.
Well, you could have bloody told me.
Let them talk.
Wow.
Um.
OK, um, do you want a drink? Yeah, I'd love one.
Vodka.
(Dial tone) MICHAEL: Darling how are you? I'm so glad you rung, listen It's Oxbridge Holdings.
I want that money and if I don't get it, this isn't going to be a secret for much longer.
I'm not just going to disappear, Rodger.
Are you having an affair? What? We're just mates.
Exactly, and I don't flirt with my mates.
£ I'm walking on sunshine Whoa £ I'm walking on sunshine Whoa.
£ Christine? Christine? You don't think she's pissed? Dead? Dead? Closed Captions by CSI
Please.
It's your father.
I didn't even know he was ill.
You should make sure she's alright.
I look on you as a friend.
You need professional help, Christine.
And I'll get it.
Please don't leave me.
I'm not gonna.
(Sobs) You know that.
And what would you say your main plus points are, Christine? Well, I am a woman who knows what she wants.
I'm very successful.
And what age range are you looking for in a partner? Dunno.
My age, more or less.
How old is that? We'll put your details into our database and see what we come up with.
Should find you someone in the next couple of days.
Wonderful.
Don't suppose you fancy a drink, do you? We're not allowed to socialise with clients.
I'm not a lesbian.
I just wanted to kill some time.
You know what it's like.
Don't want to go back to work.
Don't want to go home either.
I'm afraid it's company policy.
Don't make me go to the cinema all by myself.
Again.
I'll see myself out.
£ Theme music (Wedding bells) Will you, Michael, take Sally to be your lawful wedded wife? I will.
You're not Michael.
Will you, Sally, take Michael to be your lawful wedded husband.
(Echoed laughter) Will you promise to (Echoed) Be faithful to him as long as you live (Alarm beeps) (Gasps) I feel humiliated.
Well, you shouldn't.
You're so in a different place now.
Fine.
But I still don't want anyone at work to know.
Remember how you felt six months ago? If you bumped into Michael now you'd feel completely differently.
If I bumped into Michael now I'd kick his head in and rip his bloody balls off! Good.
Yes, now you see how much perspective you've gained.
I feel like everybody knows it was meant to be today.
Like I've got jilted bride written across my forehead.
No, don't be silly.
No-one knows.
Tada! So, today is a very special day for a very lucky lady.
Er, you shouldn't have.
They're not from me.
I mean, I would've bought you flowers.
In fact, I should have bought you both flowers to say thanks for letting me stay last week, but, you know how it is, sort of, have a thought and then you forget the thought.
But it is the thought that counts.
I'd quit while you're ahead, Steven.
So, go on, then.
Open the little card.
I want to know who they're from.
Well? No-one.
They can't be from no-one.
No-one important.
I'm just gonna put these in water.
Is she OK? She Just don't ask.
I thought the place needed brightening up.
Great minds think alike.
I bought in some plants.
Chlorophytum comosum.
Spider plants.
Otherwise known as spider plants.
At my meeting last night, Elijah talked about how selfish alcoholics can be.
He said we'd all benefit from looking after something like a dog or a goldfish.
And you chose a spider plant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Apparently they're very hard to kill.
Right.
Point being, that by taking care of these little fellas I would gain What was it? The patience to develop the friendships I've been sorely lacking.
I mean, I've got friends, haven't I? Of course.
Would you say I've got lots of friends? Well, when you say lots I mean, obviously you'd think of us as friends.
Right? Sure.
Pop to the kitchen, give them some water, eh? Oh.
Make us a cup of tea while you're there.
You didn't send them to yourself? Don't be silly.
Well, if you don't tell me then I'll have to tell everyone that today OK.
They're from him.
Who him? Michael him.
You're joking? Well, what did he say? Sorry.
He said 'Sorry, love Michael.
' Oh, what a dick.
Tell me about it.
Why are you putting them in a vase? Thought you wanted to kick his head in? Put them in the bin.
What do you think he means? Do you think he means like sorry Stop those spiraling thoughts right there.
You need to chop the ends diagonally.
Then they'll last longer.
Right, here you go - one strip-a-gram uniform.
Only joking.
It's HR's turn on the job swap.
You're booked in on supermarket floor Headingley branch.
Uh, was I supposed to know about this? I forwarded Christine an email, she said thought you'd benefit more than she would.
The lad from the bakery will be here at 11:00.
OK? I'm no good on my feet all day.
Fine.
Then you type up your own Fantasticat notes.
I'll go and get changed.
You can't go before you've done the presentation.
Then you go to the supermarket and I'll do the presentation.
I thought you were supposed to be my friend.
You need to work on your empathy.
Before you say anything - it's my new look.
Well, it it's very lovely.
Firey.
Titian.
Good for you.
Very brave.
Thank you, Christine.
Thank you very much.
No, no.
Thank you.
Have a lovely day.
And you.
Empathy.
Morning.
Yes, it's Titian.
It's my new look.
Did you do it for charity? Hmm? Was it supposed to be highlights? OK, sorry, can we have a little bit of quiet? Where's Sally? She's been nabbed for a job swap.
She's got to go on supermarket floor.
How long for? Why? You pining already? Can I have a little bit of quiet, please? Everyone.
Fantasticat.
(Meows) This is the Fantasticat.
And the Fantasticat is going to help us work out what we are - fantastic at.
It's also going to help us with our 360 degree appraisals.
(All groan) OK, so, to start with there's some key phrases to remember, um, yep, they are (Clears throat) Would you excuse me for one minuto.
I can't work with notes like these.
Your writing - it's teeny tiny and spidery, and everyone's staring at me like I'm an idiot.
You need to come.
Now.
Like immediately.
Or else Or else what? Friends help each other.
Friends don't like to see their friends humiliated.
(Gasps) Please! Oh, OK.
Just give me a minute to change.
No time to change.
No, no, no! And, so, to recap, you need to fill in the questionnaire and your answers will be assessed by your peers.
The intention is to gain insight into where you think your strengths and weaknesses lie and where your peers think your strength and weaknesses lie.
Um, they need to be completed by the end of the day, and then they'll be passed on to Alyson and used as part of the departmental assessments.
Thank you very much, everybody, for your time.
You'll need to type up the forms.
You can ask one of the Karens to help.
Oh, who knows, maybe Gillon will be a talented typist.
Who? The job swap, from the bakery.
Is someone coming in from the bakery? It's called a job swap, Christine.
Look like you needed that.
Yeah, first cigarette I've had for a year and a half.
I keep trying to quit.
It's not easy.
Yeah, I know.
I get a few days in and then some shit happens and I'm back on 'em again.
One day at a time.
You know, you must forgive yourself.
If you fall, draw on your inner strength and try again.
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to lecture you No, no, it's cool.
Wise words.
I'll try again.
Um, you've got something on your jacket.
Is that soil? I have spider plants.
Right.
Well, thanks for the advice.
I'll see you around.
Yeah, see you around.
It's not so hard to make friends, is it? You two happy here? In this light? Good.
Thirsty? No, I don't think so.
Seem to be OK to me Christine, the job swap's here.
Christine, Gillon.
Gillon, Christine.
Finding it extremely tricky bringing my 'what I am fantastic at' list down to three.
Even if I cut out all my sports, I've still got - mental arithmetic, verbal reasoning, lateral thinking and communication skills.
Can't think of any negatives.
Well, you are a ginga.
Yeah, and you have a very average IQ.
What? And I have great boobs but can we just stop bickering.
And try and get on, shall we? Oh, for God's sake! Somebody has posted up some ginger jokes on the intranet.
If I find out that's you, Vince, you are dead, you hear me? Dead meat! So, basically, think of the office as a ship and HR as the helm of the ship - without HR the ship would sink.
Well, it wouldn't sink straight away, but it might go offcourse and maybe smash into another ship.
And then, it would sink.
We're a very important department.
Right.
And I'm rather a big cheese here, so, if you want to climb the corporate ladder, just give me the word.
Let's get to work.
So, what do we do now? We write our own good points and our own bad points - all the positives and all the negatives and then we swap.
And I look at what you've written and you look at what I've written.
Then I write what I think are your good points and your bad points and you write what you think are my good points and my bad points.
And then we hand them in and no conferring.
Do you remember two years ago when you thought that pink cardigan didn't suit me and I still wore it, and we fell out? That were awful.
I cried for about five days.
Me too.
Um Should I be doing something? Oh Do you know how to fill a stapler? Yeah, everyone knows how to Super.
Fill that.
Back in a tick.
You'll have to be quick.
I'm not allowed to take calls.
I just need to know what you do.
What? In the office, what do you do? Everything that you don't do.
Which is everything.
Could you be a little more specific? I've really got to go.
Gillon, do you know the fire drill? No.
Good, come on.
That's a work of art.
Don't be silly.
It's just icing.
Uh-uh.
You do it with pride, and it shows.
Well, I love cakes.
I was nearly somebody's wife once.
Ten years ago, I was stood up at the altar.
I was a size 8 on my wedding day, can you believe it? Now look at me - the last rotting apple in the basket, the last pint of milk going off in the fridge, well past my sell-by date.
How about you, Sally? You got a fella? You OK, love? It's not very British, is it? Listing what you're fantastic at.
How about me? Hmm? What am I fantastic at? Well, you're just generally fantastic at loads of things.
Like? Well, you're, ah, you're fantastically efficient.
Organised.
Driven.
Is that it? Well, you're fantastic in bed.
Thanks.
Who's that? That is the new Sally.
Listen Steven, um, do you fancy having some lunch today? Because my meeting's been cancelled we can go to that cafe on the corner.
Yeah, that would have been really nice but I've got to go to the bank at lunchtime to pay-in some cheques.
Is that OK with you? Yeah, of course it's OK with me.
We're not joined at the hip, are we? In fact, I think I'll skip lunch.
I'm not actually that hungry.
And then I found out Michael was having an affair - with my own sister.
Ever since we were kids, she's always wanted what I've got.
My Ken doll, my bedroom, my fiance.
Don't you get worried, Helen, that you won't meet anyone? Well, first of all, no-one fancies me.
And second, I'm happy on my own.
We don't need men.
They let you down.
Better off without them.
Spice Girl power and all that.
So, what you have to do is just take a leap of faith and say, 'I am fantastic at' It'd have to be music.
I mean, I want to be a singer-songwriter.
Go on, then - just say it.
Say 'I am fantastic at' OK.
I am fantastic at music.
Great.
And between you and me, Gilly, you know, my heart also lies in the creative arts.
But it's not going to be easy.
You are going to have to fight for your dreams.
You know, if I'd carried on training I could have been a ballerina at Covent Garden by now.
No shit? Yes, shit.
I'm telling you that's Knock knock! I'm about to go for lunch and I thought Gillon might like to come with.
Maybe I can show you where the canteen is? Yeah, we'll see you down there.
Excuse me, have you got anything better than sliced bread? What are you doing here? You look like you're having a bad day.
So.
The flowers, wow.
I'm guessing they're from a guy.
If you must know, today was meant to be my wedding day.
They were from Michael.
Oh.
Oh.
He sent them as an apology.
My God, what a dick.
Well, it's probably character-building, so Sally Newman.
How about you and I go out this evening to celebrate the fact you never have to think about that twat ever again? A few drinks, a few bags of crisps.
Don't let anybody tell you I don't know how to show a girl a good time.
I don't think I'd be very good company.
You're always good company.
Well, Alyson may not like it, so There's no harm in a drink.
It's not like it's a date or anything.
Actually, I just fancy settling down with a glass of wine and watching Jaws.
Like I said, better off alone.
You'd rather be alone with Jaws.
Yeah.
That's what I watch, when I'm feeling suicidally single.
Most people would go for a rom-com.
Well that seems pretty stupid because you want something to take your mind off romance, don't you? Look, thanks for coming by, Steven, it's been fun Sally! Sal Nice sandwiches.
Oh.
Sally, look, I I am really fond of you.
That's .
.
that's sweet.
I'll see you around, OK? It's just a little something from me to say thank you for all the support you've shown me lately with my dad and everything.
You didn't need to buy me a present.
Well, I want you to know that I don't only care about work - there are other things that are important to me as well.
In fact, I've been thinking about this whole 'let's keep us a secret' thing and maybe it's time we came out? How about dinner tonight, somewhere fancy? I'll book a table.
Yeah, great.
Great.
The next thing I know, I'm feeling a bit low so I stick my head in the fridge and start comfort-eating for England.
Too many nights in with those cats, that's my problem.
How many have you got? Three at the moment.
Is she still going on about those bloody cats? Sally, Greg.
Greg's on fish.
Nice to meet you, Sally.
Hi.
I'm not as spotty as the usual lad.
So, you're running late then, Greg? No.
I thought I'd come in early for tomorrow's morning shift to keep ahead of the game.
He drives me mad, he does.
He's so bloody rude, isn't he? You've got a bit of a thing for him? He's alright.
He's tall.
Makes me laugh.
Anyway, what's the point? I've been there once.
Not going there again.
Not worth the hurt.
What? So you're saying, your wanker of an ex is going to stop you from having any fun? Brilliant.
What are you doing tonight anyway? Anything nice? I'm going to go out.
For a drink.
So I thought to hell with Jaws, I'm going to just Table's booked.
Not that it was easy.
Anyone would think I was trying to do something illegal.
Sally.
I'm going to just catch up on some paperwork, 'cause God knows what Christine's been up to without me.
You really didn't have to do this, Christine.
No problem, it was totally on my way.
Right, well, thanks for the lift.
I'll see you tomorrow.
See ya.
£ Upbeat music Yeah.
There are numerous red-headed popstars.
Yeah, there are, mainly B-listers.
Not that there's anything wrong with being a B-lister.
They're very much performers in their own right.
Mick Hucknall is not a B-lister.
I recently read in a poll that he's one of the most disliked men in pop music.
And I recently read that he's slept with over 500 women, so, you know, touche.
Karens! Red-headed pop stars, name some.
Um Mick Huckw We got him.
We've already done him, ya.
Talking of aging rockers.
Hmm.
So, you gonna give me some lessons, then? If you want.
Are you expensive? Oh, no, I'm a bargain.
Huh, me too - to the right person.
Morning, Gillon.
Safe! Oh, brought your guitar in.
Gonna serenade me? Uh, no, I've got a gig later on.
Nice look, Christine.
What's that, like a retro Madonna thing? Yeah, look, it's just something I pulled together at the last minute.
OK, Gillon, let's go.
Another day, another dollar.
Come on, another euro.
Come on.
And how was your evening? Enjoy yourself? Oh, I didn't go in the end - needed an early night.
I had a quiet one too.
One of the cats had been sick behind the washing machine.
Managed to have a bit of a think, though.
About what you said.
Hey? You know, about Greg? Oh, well, you shouldn't listen to me.
What do I know? No, I think you were talking sense.
I think he might fancy me.
And like you say, why the hell let that ex of mine ruin me life? £ It's coming down like chocolate stars in the sun £ Every few years gone £ Don't waste your time, boy £ Don't waste it shouting at the moon £ At the moon £ At the moon £ 'Cause it's all coming down £ After you.
£ What's going on? Oh, it's just a little guitar music.
Yeah, I can see what instrument he's playing, thanks.
Ah.
Um Yeah, look, I felt that the morale of the workers could be raised by some music.
You know, during the war, seriously There is always something going on with you, isn't there, Christine? Things are never normal.
And I'm still waiting for those appraisals.
I'd like you to email them through to me by the end of the day.
I just said it, straight out.
I said 'Greg, you coming for a drink tonight, or what?' And he said? He said, 'If I must'.
What do you think? Oh, I dunno, Helen.
We're going to go straight out after the shift - you, me and Greg.
Me? I want treat you to a goodbye drink.
And you've talked some sense into me.
Shown me I can take control of me love life.
Like you do.
So how do I get the appraisals out of the file and into the emails? Um, yeah, you just Oooh, that's easy-peasy when you know how, isn't it? God, Sally makes such a fuss about sending these things.
Problemo? Yeah, it's me mate Guy.
He's meant to be helping me out with the gig later on but he's blown me out.
Friendships can be very disappointing.
Maybe I can help.
Oh, it's carrying loads of heavy stuff and I was gonna use his car.
As my father used to say - 'You could crush grown men with those thighs, Christine.
' That was before the bulimia.
And I've got a car with a big boot! Hey, nice! Kissable.
Helen? If things don't work out tonight, you won't be too disappointed, will you? I mean, men can give out confusing signals and Look at you, all worried! It's my date, not yours.
I'll be fine, I'm excited.
OK.
Alright, that's that done.
Let's rock! Well, you're not going to get in trouble if you're not around here? I mean, it's only four o'clock.
Oh, they'll survive.
I can't believe you'd write that about me.
What? I'm not selfish.
I'm tall.
That is why I do the tall things.
How dare that you write that I'm selfish? How do you know what I wrote? Have a look in your inbox.
She's sent them out on a round robin, hasn't she? I thought you were my best friend, Karen! Karen! Don't run away from me! I want to talk to you! You wanted to see me? Yeah, what would you say was the target demographic for our new organic range? Oh, um 16 to 44, ABC1.
What does FMGC stand for? First Market Fast Moving Consumer Goods.
What's the capital of Bulgaria? Bucharest? Sofia.
Second man on the moon? Sorry.
I'm not quite sure what I'm just establishing that there are certain areas - large areas, where I know more than you.
And, as such, I find it rather surprising that you think I have a, quote - 'a patronising manner, in both business and personal situations.
' How did you know You see it's not patronising if I'm actually smarter than you.
Maybe you don't know what patronising means.
Perhaps you'd like me to write it down for you.
Has anyone seen Christine? In her office.
I'm asked to write a negative quality, I write a negative quality, and I'm attacked for it! I'm telling you - I will not be spoken to like that by that .
.
ginger idiot! I'll resign.
If anyone needs me, I'll be in the canteen.
You should've took me aside and talked to me in private! Instead of humiliating me in front of the entire office! (Loud bickering) Christine? Oh, we've had some laughs, haven't we? Do you remember that time when I threw icing at you and it got stuck in your hair? Er, nope.
Yes you do! You're such a tease.
Oh, I won't be a minute.
Vince has been crying in the toilet, the Karens are threatening to kill each other I'll try and locate Christine.
Yo! Wassup? PHONE: Christine, where are you? Oh, Sally, it's been the most incredible day.
You're not at your desk? Yeah, the whole the friendship thing.
I've really got the hang of it! Yeah, Gill and I, we're getting on like a house on fire.
He's just terrific, and he's so talented.
Christine, you send out the appraisals email on a round robin.
The office is in chaos.
Hello? Hello? Yes um, oh, Sally Um, terrible line, I can't You're breaking up.
(Makes static noise) Hello? (Whistling) Hello?! Yeah, that was the office.
Everything's falling apart without me.
Typically.
So, where were we? Right, red or black? This is the red.
That's very nice.
It's a lovely colour on you.
Then again, maybe you should try the black on, once more, just Er, uh, yep.
£ Romantic music Christine? OK, yeah, sorry.
I was just - the black! It's very nice.
£ So if I don't stand a chance £ Then let me down easy £ I don't want to fall from this height.
£ Oh these days, these days I was always afraid would arrive.
£ (Cheering) Thanks.
Thanks very much.
Well, I'm just going to introduce my next, and my last song of the night.
And there's someone pretty special to me out there and I just want to say thank you to her.
And so this next song's for her.
(Guitar plucking) £ These broken strings, they won't pull me back again £ Caught in the middle with the future £ Got no plans £ Wish I could freeze these moments now.
£ JAWS MOVIE: Everybody, get out of the water now! It was electric.
I took 34 pictures - all marvellous.
Thanks.
And another.
Gillon You don't have to be embarrassed, you know.
You can say it.
You know, whatever you want.
I'll be cool with whatever you want to say.
Oh God You're so sweet.
And inexperienced.
Oh, God, Christine, what It's OK.
Look, I feel it too.
You - know the closeness, the connections No, no, no! You've got this wrong! Oh my god, you are so weird.
Kelly! Listen - this is not how it looks.
OK.
Bring on the cliches.
Oh, Kel, come on! I mean, look at her! I'm not into her.
She's my mum's age! Look, Christine, will you please just explain? Yeah Uh Like he said, it was a Kel! Brilliant.
Sorry.
(Christine snores) Christine? I think we should go and get a coffee.
I Don't say it.
I've heard it too many times.
The word means nothing anymore.
But I mean it.
You can't just keep saying sorry.
OK.
I'm not going to say it.
I was having this great day I'm glad somebody was.
You know, the whole plant thing, I just I really felt like it'd cracked it.
I'd felt like made a friend and it just felt so good.
And then, as usual, I ruined it.
I just took it too far.
You don't deserve friends.
You never ever, take the flack for anything.
I would say sorry but I do everything I can for you.
And the only person you ever think of is yourself - you're selfish.
You're right.
I am a ridiculous, selfish, deluded woman.
I tried to kiss him, Sally.
You what? Oh, Gillon.
The job-swap boy.
He's 21 years old and I tried to kiss him.
I just wasn't thinking straight.
Good God.
Look, I want to change.
I do.
I want to be better.
I want to stop drinking.
I want to stop making ridiculous mistakes.
I want to be normal, Sally.
Somebody better have a very good explanation.
My name is Christine Frances, and I am an alcoholic.
Are we supposed to look surprised? Her denial runs very, very deep.
Yes, I know, it's something of a shock.
But I am what is called a functioning alcoholic.
Debate the word 'functioning'.
And so I have gathered us here, not only to ask for your support in my struggle for sobriety but also .
.
to apologise for my mistake re the appraisals.
I would first like to make it clear that Sally is in no way accountable.
In fact I'd like to make it clear that .
.
Sally is very rarely accountable for anything that goes wrong.
She is a tour de force.
And I would be lost without her.
And so, I ask for the strength to change the things I can change.
And the wisdom to accept the things I cannot.
Now.
Would everybody like to take a chair and move them into a circle.
I didn't mean to offend you.
Then why did you write it? I don't know.
I have to ask you to do things all the time.
I feel so useless.
I hate being small.
I didn't think you minded.
I'm just a little squit, who can't do anything for herself.
But I like doing things for you.
You're my best friend.
I'd do anything for you.
I'd do anything for you too.
Then what are you both fighting for? ALL: Oh! (Applause) I meant what I said - you're patronising.
How do you feel about that, Max? Yeah.
I'll try and take that on board.
Well done, Max.
What I don't take on board though, is the comment about my red hair being a cheap bid for attention.
This is actually my natural hair colour.
I'm a redhead, a ginga.
But I thought For fear of scorn and prejudice I have dyed my hair blonde since puberty up until last week when my trichologist told me that if I carried on doing it, I'd go bald.
I therefore took the decision to go back to my natural hair colour.
Would anyone like to respond to what Max has just shared with us? I lost my virginity to a redhead.
His pubic hair was like flaming fire.
I think redheads are hot.
Thank you, Natasha.
Growing up I had to live with such scorn and prejudice, one just learnt to accept it.
Try being gay.
Then you'll know scorn and prejudice.
(Group gasps) That was a joke.
Congratulations.
Just a bloody joke.
So don't forget, drinks in the canteen tonight, yeah? My shout.
Orange juice for me.
Cocktails and beer for you.
All welcome! Let us celebrate a fresh start.
I really appreciated what you said out there, about me.
Thank you.
I should have said it a long time ago.
(Mobile phone message) 'Call me.
I've changed.
Michael X.
' I don't know any Michael X.
That's kiss, not 'X'.
That's my phone.
No, I think it was brave of her, even if we all did know already.
It takes some guts to get up there and say it.
She was probably drunk.
I presume you're not coming to the party, not really your sort of thing.
I It's OK.
I understand.
I'll head back to Vince's after, then I won't wake you.
It was a joke.
I meant it ironically.
What's ironic about being gay, Vince? It's ironic if you're straight.
Which I am.
You've got gay hands.
You don't look like you're enjoying yourself very much.
Well, parties and sobriety - it's not a great combination.
Woo hoo - needs some more orange juice! I'll get it for you.
So now you're blonde again, do your collars and cuffs not match? That's for me to know and you to find out.
Hi there.
Hi.
Listen, Sally, um, the other evening, I I'm sorry.
I didn't know that Alyson was taking me out for dinner.
Oh, don't worry about that, I had work to do.
OK, well Drink? Yeah.
I thought maybe I'm getting Christine an orange juice and for myself a stiff vodka and cranberry - take your pick.
Vodka cranberry, thanks.
So.
Do you think she'll stick to it? Who knows.
It's not easy - change.
I've changed, you know.
Have you now? Hmm.
Remember when we first met? How could I forget? I vomited on you.
Oh, yeah.
Now Sally, I don't know where my head was at, OK? I was impressed by things, then, that I'm just not impressed by anymore.
Guess who? Alyson.
Surprise! Hey.
I'm just going to go and I thought I know, I know, I never come to these things and I should.
I need to loosen up a bit and I missed you.
Well, why keep it a secret? I mean, we are both consenting adults, aren't we? And you're right, we should have come out ages ago.
I knew they were a couple.
Well, you could have bloody told me.
Let them talk.
Wow.
Um.
OK, um, do you want a drink? Yeah, I'd love one.
Vodka.
(Dial tone) MICHAEL: Darling how are you? I'm so glad you rung, listen It's Oxbridge Holdings.
I want that money and if I don't get it, this isn't going to be a secret for much longer.
I'm not just going to disappear, Rodger.
Are you having an affair? What? We're just mates.
Exactly, and I don't flirt with my mates.
£ I'm walking on sunshine Whoa £ I'm walking on sunshine Whoa.
£ Christine? Christine? You don't think she's pissed? Dead? Dead? Closed Captions by CSI