Mrs. America (2020) s01e05 Episode Script

1
MAN: I had no idea
what I would find
when I went searching
for my father.
They flashed the Zodiac Killer,
and my heart stopped.
WOMAN: He believes
he is the son of the Zodiac.
- Cook the food.
Scrub the floors.
Fold the laundry.
Cook the food!
Scrub the floors!
Fold the laundry!
- [chanting]
This is what a marriage is.
This is what a marriage is.
- Where is my drink?!
Do you see my cock?
Where's my tie?!
Can you see my cock?! Ohh!
- Ohh!
- Yeah, thanks. Yeah.
- This is what a marriage is.
This is what a marriage is!
This is what a marriage is!
[door slams, horns honking]
- This is why they hate us.
- "The Voice" said
it was provocative.
- Certainly provoked laughter.
- Hey, you don't think
our marriage is a prison,
do you?
Because I also "cook the food!"
- [laughs]
- Isn't marriage by definition
prison?
- See what I'm up against?
- Both:
This is what a marriage is.
This is what a marriage is.
- [laughs]
- It's gotta be good research
for your book, though.
- How's it coming?
- He's almost done.
- Well
- What? You're almost done?
- I still need a good title.
Uh, "Men's Lib"
feels derivative.
I was thinking "Wonder Man,"
like "Wonder Woman,"
but also,
I wonder how to be a man.
I'm not good with titles.
What about you?
You have one for your book?
- Uh, yes. 200 pages of shit.
- I highly doubt that.
- I promised I would have it
finished by my 40th birthday.
- What do you wanna do
to celebrate?
- We should all go
on a trip together.
- You mean like Saint Martin?
I love that house we went to,
right?
- Or maybe south of France.
- Or maybe we could just treat
it like any other Tuesday.
- You gotta let us do something.
I mean, it's a big milestone.
- If you wanna do something
for me,
send me five more states.
- You hold this, hmm?
[camera shutter clicks]
Just like you're working.
- Mm.
- Much better.
[camera shutter clicks]
[telephone rings in distance]
So distinguished.
- You look like Rock Hudson.
- [chuckles]
I guess that makes you
Doris Day, honey.
- [laughs] Que será, será.
Oh, one last thing.
[camera shutter clicking]
- Oh, it's all right.
No one will notice.
- No, it's too worn
for the picture.
- Let me ask you something else.
Leaders of the women's movement
claim your wife's arguments
against the ERA
are old-fashioned.
Would you characterize
your wife as such?
- Uh, not at all.
I would classify my wife
as an exceptional woman
who has been able to manage
a career at home
and her public life.
[camera shutter clicks]
- How are the kids?
- Oh, Roger's enjoying
Princeton.
And Phyl might apply there
next year.
- And John?
- He's exploring
different paths.
You know young people
these days.
But Bruce is studying
for the LSATs.
- Oh, following
in his father's footsteps.
- If anything, her public life
has helped shed light
on my own causes, uh,
namely communism and abortion.
- I think what's missing
from this picture
is you, Mrs. Schlafly.
- Oh, no, no, no.
This is a profile of Fred.
- Yes, but
- Besides, I wasn't
on the list of, uh, poses.
[Doris Day's "Que Será, Será"
playing]
I'm in no condition
to be photographed.
- With regard to abortion,
their efforts
at zero population growth
actually help the communists
The future's not ours to see
Que será, será
["A Fifth of Beethoven"
by Walter Murphy playing]
- I'm so sorry I'm late.
My talk ran long,
and I couldn't get a taxi.
Nice to meet you in person.
- [chuckles] It's fine.
- Uh, I hope you started
without me.
- He wanted to wait.
- I reached out to Ms. Steinem
because when I arrived
at Justice,
I discovered there is
a massive women's problem
in this country.
- Wait, have you heard
about Vietnam?
- [chuckles]
I would like
to start a women's task force,
but I wanna work
with movement leaders
so we're not at cross purposes.
- Well, off the top of my head,
what about hiring a woman
to run it?
- Well, why don't you come
on board to advise me?
- Um, would you actually
take my advice?
- [chuckles] You know,
not all Nixon appointees
are corrupt and chauvinistic.
- We've been targeting
swing states in the Midwest.
Ohio was a big win.
- I'm from Ohio.
- Me, too. Toledo.
- Dayton.
What I wouldn't give for
a bottle of Vernors right now.
- Schweppes doesn't taste
the same. [laughs]
- Next, we're making a big push
for Illinois.
If we win, it could be
a real turning point.
- Phyllis Schlafly's home state.
Boy, she has polarized
the hell out of the fight.
You gotta give it to her.
That's clever.
- It is.
She's a very clever puppet
for special interests.
- Special interests aren't
baking all those pies.
- They are paying for the flour.
- What are you doing
to neutralize her?
- We wrote an exposé on her
in "Ms." Nothing stuck.
- Preaching to the choir.
Why don't you debate her?
- [sighs]
- On television.
- The last thing I want to do
is use my profile
to increase her audience.
- Besides, you can't reason
with women like Phyllis.
They've internalized
the patriarchy.
- Mm. Well, perhaps the answer
to equality lies in the courts.
- Rulings can be overturned.
Writing an explicit prohibition
against sex discrimination
into the Constitution
makes it just as unacceptable
as discriminating
on the basis of race.
- Hmm. Well, maybe you should
debate her, Mrs. Ginsberg.
- Oh, no.
I don't like the limelight.
[MFSB's "TSOP (The Sound
of Philadelphia)" playing]
- I challenge Phyllis Schlafly
to debate the issues raised
by the Equal Rights Amendment.
She's made
some outrageous claims.
- We should time the debate
to take place
right before the vote
in Springfield.
- Feels good to go
on the offense.
- Since she has made it
her personal crusade
to keep us all from attaining
our full rights
as United States citizens,
I think it's important
to demonstrate
publicly and legally
that she doesn't know what
the hell she's talking about.
How's that?
- Perfect.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- You'll drop the "hell."
- Oh, Gloria!
Jules. I took some photos
for "Ms." last year.
- Of course.
So nice to see you again.
This is my friend Bren
- Brenda, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- You were
at the Christmas party.
Are you down here doing a story
about
the impeachment proceedings?
- We had a meeting at the DOJ.
I'm actually a lawyer
for the ACLU.
- Oh. So you were crashing
the "Ms." Christmas party.
- No, no, no, I'm one
of the founders of "Ms.,"
so technically
it was legitimate.
- Definitely a lawyer.
- Mm-hmm. [chuckles]
- How long are you two in town?
- Just for the night.
- Have you been
to the Dubliner? Just opened.
Great happy hour.
- Gloria's in charge
of happy hours.
- Stan asked if we could
continue our conversation
over dinner tonight.
- Well, I guess we have
dinner plans.
- I think he just meant the two
of us, but I'll double-check.
[indistinct conversations]
- We should get going.
- Next time.
- [chuckles]
- My brain doesn't work
this way.
- It's just a puzzle,
and puzzles are games,
and games are fun.
Now that is
the transitive property at work.
- Mm.
- Well, you could take
the LSAT.
A man with solid prospects
very attractive to a girl.
- Face it, Mother.
None of your children
wanna go to law school.
- Well, a law degree
is versatile.
No, it's not just for, uh,
being a lawyer.
You could, uh,
go into politics or business.
Here. Let's take a look
at this one.
"Now the number of calories
in a gram of refined cane sugar
is the same as in
an equal amount of fructose"
- I can read myself.
- Hmm.
- Uh [sighs]
Uh, I don't know.
"B"? "C"?
- Ugh. Don't just say letters.
Consider it.
[papers rustling]
Uh, I would say"E."
Since the premise
does not account
for the fact that sugar
is not the only ingredient
that contains calories.
[door opens]
Oh! I'm right.
It is "E."
[door closes]
[footsteps approach]
You're home early.
- Uh, Linda got an advanced copy
of the morning paper.
- Well
Oh, look,
they quote you at length.
- Huh.
- I think you look very handsome
in the photo.
- Not bad.
- So how does it feel
to be Phyllis Schlafly's
lawyer husband?
- [chuckles]
If you keep studying,
you can be
Phyllis Schlafly's lawyer son.
- Mm.
- Ah-ah.
- When's dinner?
- It's at 6.
- [sighs]
- It's always at 6.
Hmm.
[siren wailing]
- Well, when I was at Harvard
- [sighs]
Never heard a good story
that begins with
"When I was at Harvard"
- I had the professor
that was the inspiration
for "The Paper Chase,"
and he announced
he would only call on women
one day a yearLadies' Day.
- [chuckles] Ladies' Day.
- And he would only discuss
cases involving
widows and brides.
He didn't think we could handle
sparring in a Socratic fashion
without bursting into tears.
- [chuckles]
Did you ever burst into tears?
- Tears of rage.
I paid the same tuition.
- Well, why didn't you transfer
somewhere else?
- Harvard's the best law school.
- Have you ever been
photographed?
- [chuckles]
Once for "Glamour"
a few years back.
- That makes sense.
You're beautiful.
- No, it was for a profile
about the movement.
It was just about me
and my husband.
- [scoffs]
That's the third time tonight
you've said "husband."
Why did you change your mind
about meeting me out?
- Well, I felt bad.
You're friends with Gloria,
and I was very rude.
[sighs]
Where are we headed?
- The Watergate.
Should we break in?
[footsteps depart]
- You have to wait.
- I thought I was!
- [laughs]
Oh, no, I lost mybracelet.
- Oh. I'll get it.
- Got it!
- Shh! What if we get caught?
- UhI think it's been
established that security
in this building is not great.
- [chuckles]
Right.
- Okay.
I can do it.
- Oh.
- I think.
Got it.
[water splashing]
- [chuckles]
[water splashing]
Wanna see who can hold
their breath the longest?
- No.
I wanna kiss you.
- Oh. Oh.
[Saint-Saens' "The Carnival
of the Animals" playing]
- How's that?
- Oh.
- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
- That better?
- Mm-hmm.
- Gosh, your calves
have gotten so strong.
- Well, I ran 12 miles today.
- 12?
- [laughs]
- I don't know what to do
about this challenge.
No, itit's insulting.
Now I'm the leader
of the opposition,
and they should send
their girl wonder
to debate me, not to
- I told you.
Ignore it.
- I've never turned down
an invitation to
to debate on the ERA,
and they're gonna say
I'm scared.
- Scared? I've never even heard
of Brenda Fasteau. She's nobody.
- Well, and no, she helped
write the amicus brief
for Frontiero v. Richardson.
She's a lawyer.
Now what if this is
some kind of trap,
that, uh, they're trying
to humiliate me
that I don't have a law degree?
- What was
the biggest sticking point
between
the North and South Vietnamese
during the Paris peace talks?
- The shape
of the negotiating table.
- So if you don't like
the terms of the debate,
change the shape of the table.
- Mm-hmm?
- So you respond
that since the ERA
is going to, uh,
destroy
the institution of marriage,
the debate ought to be
between couples.
And that way you can bring
your lawyer husband with you
and protect you from
her Supreme Court credentials.
- Well, you'dyou'd have
to travel with me.
Can you swing that with work?
- It's my law firm.
I can do whatever I like.
- Thank you, Daddy.
[The Seeds' "Can't Seem
To Make You Mine" playing]
I can't seem
to make you mine, oh
- Thank you.
Kiss and run all the time,
oh
Flyin' around like a
- May I help you
with something, ma'am?
- I'm here to take the LSAT.
everything that you see
Oh, the registration's
under Bruce Schlafly,
but I called, and they said
I could take it instead.
I can't seem
to make you mine
I'm his mother.
- [laughing]
- You enjoyed yourself.
- [laughs] Stop.
- Ohh. [exhales deeply]
- [continues laughing]
- That was incredible.
- Ohh.
- Wow.
- [exhales deeply]
- [kisses] You're so much
more open and
you let me know everything
you wanted.
[siren wailing,
horn honking in distance]
Did something happen
when you were in D.C.?
- No.
- You didn't sleep with someone?
- I would never sleep
with another man. You know that.
I would never do that.
- You would never sleep
with another man?
- It was
a very spontaneous thing.
Gloria had dinner plans,
and I had met this photographer
earlier in the day with her
named Jules.
- Jules.
- And I had way too many drinks,
andand then
I wasn't not gonna tell you.
I justhaven't.
I just didn't tell you yet.
- It's okay.
- It is?
- Yes.
- Yeah, it's okay. Come here.
Look [kisses]
If it was another man
[chuckles]
that would be something else
entirely, but
a woman? I mean
that's practically
a rite of passage
for a radical feminist.
- I mean, I've always
wanted to experience sex
once with a woman.
- Well, now you have.
[kisses]
- Well, that's what I thought.
- We win Missouri
- Well, we've talked about
going to Illinois next week.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry I'm late.
I have just received
an interesting message
from a producer
on "The Tomorrow Show."
Tom Snyder has invited Brenda
and her husband
to appear on the show
in a couples debate
with the Schlaflys.
- Huh?
- What?
- Oh.
- A couples debate
with me and Marc?
- And Fred and Phyllis, yes.
- [laughs]
- Apparently she suggested
the idea.
- Of course she did,
because he's the one
feeding her the lines.
It's a trap.
- Maybe she was hoping
you weren't married
so she could worm her way
out of debating you.
- Yeah, she likes to paint us
all as man-hating lesbians.
Well, the joke's on her.
You go on TV and look like
Barbie's DreamHouse
for all of flyover land to see.
- Yes, but if she and Fred
beat Marc and Brenda,
you know, that gives Phyllis
a boost in Illinois,
and we have to get Illinois
to ratify this year.
- No, we made a challenge.
She either has to accept it
or not.
- I'm not in charge
of TV show bookings.
- The whole point of this
was to go on the offensive,
and she's got us
playing defense again.
Now we're trying to prove we're
as white, straight, and married
as Phyllis
and Mr. Phyllis Schlafly?
What we should do is send
a lesbian couple.
- Oh, very funny.
- [scoffs] Wow.
- I think that's a good idea.
- Oh, look, don't start.
I'm going straight
from this meeting
and meeting with
the National Gay Task Force.
But she happens to have
a husband
who happens to be
a magnificent hunk of a man,
and I'm not going to apologize
that the image
of Phyllis Schlafly
eating her words
gives me a warm feeling
down in my kishkes.
[laughter]
Why aren't you more excited?
Why isn't she more excited?
- It's fine. We'll do the show.
- Good.
- Mistake.
- Great. So that's settled.
Next on our agenda, we have
gotten a great response
- Everything okay?
- to the launch of our
Win With Women in '74 campaign.
- Yeah.
- We are making a push
to support women candidates.
- You don't have to do it
if you don't want to.
- Of course I wanna do the show.
I'll do anything to win Illinois
for us, and so will Marc.
Besides, it'll be
great publicity for his book.
[applause]
- Yes.
[applause continues]
- Fantastic.
[Anna Karina's "Roller Girl"
playing]
Je suis la fille
que l'on colle
Sur les Harley Davidson
Les B.M. Double V
Les camions 16 tonnes
Je suis la roller girl
Roll, roll, roll, roller girl,
roller girl
Roller girl
- Jules!
Roll, roll, roll,
roller girl
Roller girl
Roll, roll, roller girl
Nice moves.
- Not bad, huh?
- Yeah.
- We're making a goodbye toast
to Margaret.
- Where are you going?
- San Francisco.
- Not San Francisco. Oakland.
- I haven't told Gloria yet.
The Left Coast is calling me.
- To Margaret.
- Whoo!
- To Margaret.
- Thank you.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
[glasses clatter]
The palm trees and Panthers,
the Pacific and the poets.
- Earthquakes and Reagan.
- The love-ins
and living-out-loud life.
Feels like I'll find
my people there.
- Oh, we're not your people?
- Yes.
And you're my people,
and you're my people.
I go to NOW meetings on Monday,
National Black Feminist
Organization on Tuesday,
Lesbian Alliance on Wednesday,
and PTA on Thursday.
It's exhausting.
- Is California any different?
- See for yourself.
Brenda and her husband
are going to be
on "The Tomorrow Show"
to debate the Schlaflys
about the ERA
because they are
the perfect heterosexual couple.
- Ah!
- [chuckles]
Just made you come
in the bathroom three times.
There's no windows here.
- [laughs]
What do you expect, Jules?
She's basically
a suburban housewife.
- Don't let them bully you,
okay?
I live in Chappaqua
with my husband and three boys,
and I teach third grade,
and it works for me.
- We live in the city.
Roll, roll, roll,
roller girl
Roller girl
Roll, roll, roller girl
- How about
[feedback whines]
[amplified voice]
"Eve came from Adam's rib.
It's time to abort women's lib"?
[feedback whines,
indistinct conversations]
- UmI say we just stick
with "Jam and sham."
- It's just that "abort"
is more emotional.
[telephone rings]
[picks up receiver]
- STOP ERA. Rosemary speaking.
- Big mistake putting Rosemary
in charge of the bullhorn.
- Well, I tried to put you
in charge.
- I can't speak in front
of hundreds of people.
[doorbell rings]
How did it go with
Bruce's LSATs, by the way?
[ring]
- Oh. Uh, very well.
- Wonderful.
- He wants to go to med school.
[knock on door]
Yeah, I'll be right back.
- That would be great.
- Oh. Can I help you?
- Is there where
a John Schlafly lives?
- Oh, he's not at home.
May I help you?
- I found his wallet.
- Well, I'll make sure
he gets it. Thank you.
- He should be more careful
with his stuff.
Not everyone's as thoughtful
as me. [chuckles]
- You know what?
You deserve a reward
for your sense of
civic duty.
[bills rustle]
Well, that should be enough,
right?
[footsteps depart]
- Are you going to Trader Vic's
or the Chateau Marmont?
Maybe you'll see
some movie stars.
Mom? Are you even listening?
- No, no, it's a
it's a work trip.
[footsteps approach]
[door closes]
Right.
- So?
[hangers clack]
How was the LSAT?
[sighs]
[closet door closes]
What?
- He didn't take it.
- What do you mean,
you didn't take it?
- I had an event
at my fraternity.
- He just didn't feel
he was ready.
You know how competitive
he is.
He can take it next year.
- Well, you should be ashamed.
for wasting your mother's time
and my money.
- I'll pay you back.
- Well, actually, the money
didn't go to waste.
They let me take it instead.
[smacks lips, chuckles]
- What?
- You took Bruce's test?
- Why would you do that?
- Oh! It was a lark.
You know me.
I enjoy multiple choice
and logic
and those sorts of things.
- What a pointless thing to do.
- As I said, it was a lark.
- Well, if you didn't want
my money to go to waste,
you should've convinced this one
to go instead.
- I don't wanna go into law.
- Well, you wanna do menial work
for the rest of your life?
What's wrong with you?
- There's nothing wrong
with him.
- Oh, why do you keep
protecting him?
- Fredthis is our time
as a family
to relax and enjoy our dinner
together.
- [sighs]
Bless us, O Lord,
these thy gifts
which we are about to receive
from thy bounty
through Christ, our Lord.
Linda Ronstadt:
Stand on the corner
- What are you working on?
- An introduction
to Marc's book.
Probably the best shot I've got
at getting published
before I turn 40.
- You already published a book.
- "The Beach Book"
is not a book.
- You know [sighs]
you're too hard on yourself.
- The dust jackets were made out
of sun reflectors.
[chuckles]
- Can I tell you something?
- You're also writing a book?
- [chuckles]
Marc told me about Brenda
experimenting.
- What?
- While you two were in D.C.,
some photographer?
- She didn't tell me.
- Sounded like it wasn't
a big deal.
That man is enlightened,
'cause it sure as hell
wouldn't fly with me.
- Maybe we should rethink
planning a vacation with them.
- You will find any excuse
to not celebrate.
- [sighs] What's to celebrate?
Nothing is going well.
- Hey. If I learned anything
from my divorce,
it's to focus on the things
you c control
and change that.
- Marlo called. She wants
to donate the proceeds
from "Free To Be You and Me"
to Ms. Foundation.
It got me thinking.
I could set up grants
to focus on survival issues,
working class women,
battered wives,
focus on marginalized groups.
Maybe you could help me
set that up.
- That is a great idea.
Mmm.
- They're taping
a "Free To Be You and Me"
TV special next week.
Do you think Kerrie and Kyle
would enjoy
coming to the studio with me?
- They would love it.
- And maybe afterward,
we could get a slice of cake
for my birthday.
They like cake, right?
- Kids generally like cake. Yes.
Loggins and Messina:
Do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do-do, do-do, do-do-do
[jet roaring]
Do-do, do-do-do
Hey, little girl,
won't you meet me
At the schoolyard gate?
I got backstage passes
to the biggest show in town
So, honey,
don't you make me late
If we leave really early
and we hurry
We can get in with the band,
'cause little Tim Smitty's
- If we have time,
we should hike up to
the Griffith Park Observatory.
It's where they filmed
"Rebel Without a Cause."
- I think I need to go lie down.
- Okay, I'm just gonna stop by
the concierge and get some maps.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
- Oh, my God. It's them.
- I hate Los Angeles.
- We probably won't move
until the summer,
but I'd like to take
a few months to finish my book.
- I didn't know
you were writing a book.
- On black feminism.
- Is there anything I can do
to entice you to stay?
"Ms." won't be the same
without your voice.
- I think we'll be happier
in Oakland.
- You're not happy here?
[footsteps approach]
- No, it's justthe schools
are better in Oakland.
You probably have to get going.
[indistinct conversations]
- Look who's here.
- Children: Hi, Ms. Gloria.
- [chuckles]
Hey.
Is something wrong?
- Margaret just quit.
- I'm sorry.
- She's moving to Oakland.
You know, better schools there
for her daughter.
- Is that what she told you?
- You excited to see
how a television show gets made?
- Oh, yeah. We've been listening
to the record all week.
Tell Ms. Gloria
what your favorite song is.
- "It's Alright to Cry."
- It's one of my favorite songs,
too.
[toilet flushes,
door opens]
- [inhales sharply]
[door closes]
[teeth swishing]
[footsteps approach]
- Hey. What's going on?
You okay?
- [sighs]
I think I'm pregnant.
- Uhwe're gonna have a baby?
This is incredible. A baby.
[kisses]
Oh, my goodness.
UhOkay, uh, so look,
we can put the crib in our room
for the first few months,
but then we gotta start looking
for a 2-bedroom.
And hey, hey, I know it's scary,
but it's not like
we haven't talked about it.
- It's just
it's the timing of it.
- Uh-huh.
- Are we even ready?
- Hey, but it's never
the right time, right?
That's what Ruth and Marty
always say.
- Yeah, but
- You're worried
about your career?
- [sniffles] I don't know!
I don't know what I think
because you keep talking.
[exhales deeply]
- Okay. Okay.
- [exhales deeply]
- Brenda, I'm listening.
- [exhales deeply]
I slept with Jules again.
- When?
- She lives in the city.
Uhand we've been seeing
each other.
- I thought you were just
looking to experiment. Um
So are you leaving me for her?
- [exhales deeply] No.
Look, can we talk about this
later?
- I forgot.
We have to go on television
and pretend to be
the perfect married couple.
- We don't have to do the show.
- We have to go.
Everyone's counting on us.
We can smile. We can fake it.
That's apparently what
you've been doing anyway.
[exhales deeply]
[footsteps depart]
[door opens]
- [crying softly]
[door slams]
[indistinct conversations]
- [exhales deeply]
- Did either of you cross paths
with Paul Freund
while you were at Harvard?
- We had him
for Constitutional Law.
- Oh. He was my classmate.
- And does he know your wife
has been citing his article
on the ERA in her testimony
before state legislatures?
- Mis-citing.
- We're not in touch.
- I see.
- Do you have children?
- No.
- Not yet, no. No.
- You know when I miss Cambridge
the most? In the fall.
- Oh, that foliage.
- Made studying for torts
less bleak.
- Yeah.
- First, let me introduce
Brenda and Marc Fasteau
Brenda Feigen Fasteau is
30 years of age,
and she is a graduate
of the Harvard Law School,
the full-time director
of the
American Civil Liberties Union's
women's rights project
and a strong advocate
of the Equal Rights Amendment.
Her husband is
Marc Feigen Fasteau.
He is 31, also a graduate
of the Harvard Law School.
He is a lawyer, uh, and is now
putting together a book
about male sexual stereotyping.
On the other side of the issue
are Phyllis and Fred Schlafly.
Mrs. Schlafly,
a housewife and mother of six,
is the head of STOP ERA,
the national organization
which opposes
the Equal Rights Amendment.
Now Mr. Schlafly is a lawyer,
and he strongly supports
his wife's efforts.
Now I am told that Mrs. Schlafly
ran for the Congress twice
in the state of Illinois
- That's right.
- and lost both times.
She thanked all the people
who voted for her,
and her husband thanked
all the people who did not vote
for her.
- Right, Marc, yeah.
- I'm Marc.
- Uh, yes, uh, Tom. Right.
- So the ERA has been ratified
by 33 states so far.
Uh, it will have to be ratified
by 38 states
- And that's two
that have rescinded.
Nebraska and Tennessee are
- But states aren't really able
to rescind,
so the first thing is
to acknowledge the truth,
which is that women
are discriminated against.
- Well, I don't acknowledge that
at all.
- Well, then I'll just lay out
my version of the truth.
- Before we get into that,
II'dI would like to give
Mrs. Schlafly and Mr. Schlafly
an opportunity
to enumerate what they think
this amendment means,
and then we'll come over
to this side,
and you can say what
you and Marc think it means.
Is that okay?
- I'll say what I think,
and Marc will say
what he thinks.
- Okay, everyone will say what
they think. All right? Fine.
Here we go. Mr. Schlafly.
- Well, under the ERA,
the poor girls would have to
support the family 50%. Now
- Oh, butbut wouldn't we be
getting something for that,
Fred?
- Oh, first, Tom
- We may well perhaps.
- Uh, let me just say, the ERA
would, uh, impose
a doctrinaire equality
on men and women
and take away from women some
of the most important rights
and privileges they now have
by law,
and that's why we think
it's a fraud.
- Can you give us an example
of what you mean?
- Well, uh, for example,
uh, under our current system,
uh, in a case of a breakup
of marriage,
the mother gets the children.
Now, uh, who wants
to trade that in
for a so-called equality
whereby each, uh, parent
gets one child?
- The ERA does not say
that in the case of divorce,
each parent gets one child.
- Oh, yes, it does.
It says you have to interpret
things absolutely equally.
- Well, what if she has one
child, would it be cut in half?
- Oh, well, you
you can joke all you want.
I mean, the courts, uh,
would decide, as they did,
uh, with a recent
Washington, D.C., case,
where three children
were given to the father,
and the mother had to pay
child support.
- What was the name of the case?
- It's crazy to say that was
an advance for women, but the
the larger issue is that the ERA
erodes the institution
of marriage, not just divorce
- Cite the case.
- The case?
Well, I'd have to look it up,
but the point is
- You don't know the name
of the case?
- Well, there's so many cases.
We don't have time to cite
them all.
- Just cite the one case.
- We don't have time
to cite them all.
- Just name this one case.
- The point is,
if everything must be equal,
then the logical extension
of the ERA
is that we would have
a gender-neutral society
or homosexuals will have
- You have scared the women
of America into believing
something that is not based
in reality, but when you argue
an actual point
in the real world
in a court of law,
you need to cite a case
to support your argument,
so cite the case.
- Well, I think it was
Foley vs. Langham or Lancaster.
Something like that.
- No, there is no such case.
- Oh, yes, there is.
But you see
- Did you just make up a case?
- I'm not a lawyer. No. I'm the
wife of a lawyer, and I really
do think that's more fun, and I
get tired of the feminists
- Well, listen, I doubt we're
gonna get to agree
on this at all,
so we should just move on.
- There is no disagreeing
on fact.
The fact is there is no
Foley vs. Langham case.
Also a fact is that you are not
really a housewife.
You are a full-time lobbyist
working to defeat the ERA
so that businessmen can continue
to make millions of dollars
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
- discriminating
against women
when they work,
when they buy insurance,
and when they give birth.
- No, well, I don't work
for anyone.
The majority of the money
- Oh, great, so you're a patsy.
Well, maybe you should stick
to baking and leave
interpreting the law
to the lawyers.
- [laughs]
- Okay. You both have
some opinionated wives,
but seriously, let's bring
the fellas in on this
and have them get a word in.
Marc, you are in what you call
an equal marriage.
So let me ask you this.
Who wears the pants
in your family?
- Well, we both do. Uh, Brenda
looks much better in them
than I do. [chuckles]
- But, um, our marriage was
was really forged
in the crucible of feminism,
so we don't have assigned roles.
- And, Fred, how about you?
Well, your wife has
a very strong and
and dominant kind of style.
She wear the pants
in your family?
- Oh. No, she doesn't.
Uh, I'm obviously physically
larger than she is.
- Yeah, well, he chins himself
25 times every morning.
- And, uh, she's very, uh,
submissive.
- Sub-submissive?
- Oh!
- Wait.
Phyllis Schlafly submissive?
I justI
Well, I can't even, uh
- [chuckles]
- Is that right?
- Well, um, Fred's the boss
of the family,
and, um
- Oh. All right.
Well, speaking of submissive,
we've got some bills
to pay here, so
- And what was that all about?
- I don't like your tone.
- You hung me out to dry!
- You made up a case,
and I couldn't defend you
without looking foolish.
- Well, you could've jumped in
earlier.
- If you had stopped talking
- Oh, no, no, no.
You just sat there.
Why do you think
- What?
- I brought you.
- That LSAT wasn't a lark,
was it?
You're applying to law school.
- Is that such a crazy idea?
- Yes! Absolutely crazy.
- No, you don't think
I could get in.
- It's not a matter
of whether you could get in.
- I have raised six children.
They're almost all grown
- You are too old.
Who applies to law school
at 50?
- You can't stop me from going.
- Well, who's going to pay
for it?
I have let you run around
this country with your cause.
- It's our cause, Fred.
It's our cause.
- I am the lawyer
in the family.
- Don't worry. I'm not looking
to practice estate law!
- You made a sacred promise
to me when we were married,
or have you forgotten?
- I've not forgotten.
But you can't blame me
if you didn't do more
with your law degree
to save our country.
Where are you going?
- I don't need
to explain myself to you.
- [sighs]
[inhales sharply]
[exhales deeply]
[exhales deeply]
- God, that was tremendous.
- You were pretty amazing.
- Thank you. Thank you.
We make a great team.
Are you in love with her?
- I don't even know
if I like her.
I'm sorry I lied to you.
I'm sorry. I'm
I'm confused, andum
- What?
- [voice breaking] I really
love being with a woman.
- More than me?
- I could never love anyone
more than you. [cries]
What do we do?
- What if you didn't have to be
this or that?
I mean, what if there's
another way?
Isn't it the whole point
of living a radical life?
- [sniffles] Until you bring
a child into it.
- Says who?
We've always played
by our own rules.
We can choose to build
our family however we want.
- I think it's, uh, uh,
Foley vs. Langham or Lancaster,
something like that.
- No, there is no such case.
- Oh, yes, there is,
but you see
- Did you just make up a case?
- I'm not a lawyer, no.
I'm the wife of a lawyer,
and I really do think
that's more fun
- Listen, I doubt we're
gonna get to agree on this
at all
[all speaking at once]
- Just look at her face.
She's dying inside.
[lighter clicks]
[Phyllis
continues indistinctly]
- It would help if your friend
cracked a smile. She's winning.
- discriminating
against women when they work,
when they buy insurance,
and when they give birth.
- No, well,
I don't work for anyone.
- Oh, great,
so you're a patsy.
Well, maybe you should stick
to baking
and leave interpreting the laws
to the lawyers.
- [laughs]
- [exhales deeply]
[coughing]
- opinionated wives.
But, seriously, let's bring
the fellas in on this.
[Tom Snyder
continues indistinctly]
- You're not gonna add
your name to my FBI file?
- Well, we both do. Uh
- I never traveled to Cuba as
part of the Venceremos Brigade,
by the way.
- [chuckles]
When did you go through it?
- When I sent you out
to get coffee for me.
- Right.
- [chuckles]
You should be more careful.
- [chuckles]
- I would like to go to Cuba
one day.
- I'll take you.
- This is a one-time thing.
- Oh! Okay.
Sure.
You're still gonna be
my advisor, though, right?
- Phyllis Schlafly, submissive?
- I don't have time to consult
with some man's
women's task force.
- Right. Sure.
[playing
Chopin's "Étude Op. 10, No. 3"]
- Sounds beautiful.
[stops playing]
- How was California?
- Your father's cross with me
for taking the LSAT.
Doesn't want me to go
to law school.
- It's the one thing left
that's all his.
- Did I ever tell you the story
about how I quit smoking?
- I didn't even know you smoked.
- Oh, yes, I was a pack a day,
and your father hated the habit.
He thought
it wasn't, uh, ladylike.
[chuckles] Well, he was right.
And, uh, he gave me a car
as a wedding present,
and of course,
I didn't have a gift for him,
soI decided to give up
smoking.
And the day of our wedding,
I smoked my last cigarette.
Now was it hard to quit
cold turkey?
Very.
And do I have to force myself
to resist the seduction
of cigarettes?
Every single day.
But the mind is stronger
than the body.
You just have
to exercise willpower.
Now did you, uh,
get your wallet?
- Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
- I saw it, thank you.
- Must have, uh, fallen out
on the floor in the mudroom.
I found it, and I left it
on your dresser.
[sighs]
You have to be more careful,
John.
- I will.
- I had such trouble conceiving
after you were born.
I thought maybe
you might be my only one.
Now I'll need some help
with my jingles
for my rally.
- Girls are tired
of the old ones?
- Hmm.
- What rhymes with "alimony"?
- [chuckles]
[playing intro to
Joplin's "The Entertainer"]
[door closes]
[typewriter keys clacking]
- Good to see you, Phyllis.
- You're in here?
- I know.
Hard to believe.
Senior partner.
Uh, Fred's just down the hall.
I can take you if you'd like.
- I can find it, thank you.
- Mazel Tov.
- Hey.
- Honey.
- Thank you.
[laughs]
- Thank you.
- Congratulations.
[glasses clink]
- Yay.
- We wanted to ask you
- Uh-huh.
- something important.
Will you please be
the godparents?
- We'd be honored.
- All right.
All right! Come on!
- [laughs]
- As long as it doesn't involve
changing any diapers.
- No.
- [laughs]
- Yes.
- Big year.
[laughter]
Yeah.
- It's a big year,
birthing a book and a baby.
- Oh, well, the baby was
considerably less work
and infinitely more fun
to create.
Did Frank tell you?
He came up with
the perfect title for the book
"The Male Machine."
- Huh.
[Psychedelic Soul Crew's
"Can't Let Go" playing]
Wellcan't come soon enough.
We should send it
as a Christmas gift
to every chauvinist legislator
in Illinois
that voted against us.
- We'll get it done next year.
We should start talking about
raising money now.
[bell dings]
Dessert's ready.
- [chuckles] Let me help you.
Can't let go
[clink]
- Here. I got you something.
- My, uhmy old one
works just fine.
- I stopped by the office
to give it to you,
but youyou weren't there.
- Thank you.
- So if it's okay,
I might have this one.
I did very well on the LSATs,
and I have decided to apply
to Wash U.
Now it's close enough
that I'll be home
every night for dinner.
[latches click]
- You really don't need
to work this hard.
[latches click]
Lots of people don't want
the ERA to go through.
They won't let you fail.
[TV turns on]
- one young man on our team
to maybe win the championship
[man on TV
continues indistinctly]
- We're so excited to start
a family.
[faucet turns off]
That sounds boring to you,
butI think maybe I'm more
conventional than I thought.
I've always wanted to be
a mother.
- You're going to be
a wonderful mother.
[dish clatters]
[scrubbing dish]
I was thinking about hiring
Jules to do a photo shoot
for our next cover.
I wanted to check with you first
if that was okay.
- Of course. Of course.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- It was just a phase.
It's not who I am.
- It's okay if it is.
- What are youare you gonna
call a press conference,
sit beside me and declare,
"We are all lesbians"?
Where's Kate Millett now?
[TV playing indistinctly]
We should coordinate
our fundraising trips
with Marc's book stops.
- [sighs]
I might take a step back
from the public speaking
and [sighs] organizing.
I wanna get back
into my writing,
finish my book.
[carousel music playing]
- Hey, it's starting.
There's a land that I see
Where the children are free
And I say it ain't far
To this land
from where we are
Take my hand, come with me
Where the children are free
Come with me, take my hand
And we'll live
In a land
where the river runs free
In a land
through the green country
In a land to a shining sea
In a land
where the horses run free
And you and me
are free to be
You and me
Every boy in this land
Grows to be his own man
In this land, every girl
Grows to be her own woman
Take my hand, come with me
Where the children are free
Come with me, take my hand
And we'll run
To a land
where the river runs free
To a land
through the green country
To a land
where the children are free
And you and me
are free to be
You and me
Our women do not
consider themselves
enslaved by marriage.
And they certainly
do not want to sacrifice
their present privileges
for some phony equality
with men.
What is Devs?
What is Devs?
What is Devs?
What is Devs?
(horn honks)
What is Devs?
What is Devs?
What is Devs?
GUILLERMO:
The journey was perilous,
but Nandor the Relentless
stood tall and proud.
Thus, the noble vampire set sail
to conquer the new world
for the greater glory
of the undead.
-Does my hair
really look that billowy?
-(wind blows)
Looks fantastic.
I'd never wear anything
like that.
(retching)
(gagging, coughing)
(squeaks)