My Life as a Teenage Robot (2003) s01e05 Episode Script
Party Machine; Speak No Evil
1 (Jenny) 5:00, get a call to go blading at the skate park down by the mall, but my mom says I gotta prevent hostile aliens from annihilating us all.
Hyah! With the strength of a million and 70 men, I guess I really shouldn't complain.
Still, I wish I could go for a walk without rusting in the rain.
It's enough to fry my brain.
So welcome to my life as a teenage robot, the story of my life as a teenage robot.
My teenage robot life.
[Wakeman singing.]
Perfect.
[beeping.]
Right on schedule.
I'm just about ready to go on my trip.
Now I'm ready.
[singing.]
Whoa! Trash everywhere.
These walls and floors are filthy.
This room is an absolute pigsty.
XJ9! You don't have to yell, mother.
I'm right here.
What's up? Well, I will tell you what is up.
The piles of trash in this room.
I asked you to do one thing this week: Clean your room.
There is no way I can leave such an irresponsible robot to defend the earth.
I am unpacking.
[gasps.]
No! I mean, you have to go.
How are they going to solve the energy crisis on pluto without you? Pluto will just have to sit in the dark with you to blame.
The annual minutian invasion happens tomorrow morning.
How can I leave you to deal with such a threat on your own? Mother, please.
Just because I didn't clean my room doesn't mean I'm irresponsible.
Now, I fought the minutians before on my own and have defeated them on my own.
You can trust me to take care of this.
It's time to face the fact that your little girl is growing up.
[mournful violin music.]
[crying.]
Well, you're right, XJ9.
Well, technically, you're wrong, because you're a robot and will remain a teenager forever, but metaphorically, you're absolutely right.
I do trust you.
I will go as planned.
Now, there's just one thing before I leave.
Jenny, I got some stuff for our secret party tonight.
[gasps.]
Brad, hide! Ahhhhhh! What was that? Nothing.
What was what? I mean, coming.
(Wakeman) The minutians will land on this precise spot tomorrow at 6:00 A.
M.
sharp.
How is it again that you know they'll land here? They always land here.
Why do you think I moved here? The minutians are predictable, punctual, and mean.
So you will need this, the S.
U.
X.
Containment unit, the only weapon against absolute minutian world domination.
Oh, yeah, the vacuum thingy.
Well, don't worry.
I'll make sure it's in a safe place.
See? Hmm, yes.
Now, you don't want to miss your flight.
Hello, Bradley.
Hello, Mrs.
W.
Have a pleasant trip, ma'am.
Do not forget, XJ9.
6:00 A.
M.
sharp.
I won't.
Good-bye.
[both laugh insincerely.]
Whew, that was close.
Come on.
It would have ruined everything if mom found out about our supersecret party tonight.
If throwing the coolest party in the world doesn't make me popular, nothing will.
Totally.
And Don Prima will be there.
Mm-hmm.
[banging.]
Mom's back! Hide! Hide where? Oh, it's you.
I came to help with the supersecret party.
Tuck, didn't I tell you that-- We got a lot of work to do before tonight.
It's going to be a total rager.
Where should I put the pin the tail on the donkey? You can't stay, Tuck.
Yeah, adults only.
[sobbing.]
See, this is exactly why he can't be here.
I could be an adult! I could be an adult! Look, Tuck, it's just that-- [telephone rings on other end.]
(Wakeman) Hello? Hello, Mrs.
Wakeman? It's Tuck from next door.
Okay, you can stay.
Pin the tail on the donkey? Yes.
I just called to say I love you.
Excuse me? [whistling.]
The kid's good.
Anyway, he'll just end up falling asleep.
I'm totally staying up all night! Whatever.
This is going to be the most fun ever! [techno music.]
Yes, nice to see all my peeps again.
Ladies, how's it goin'? [together.]
Hmm! I dig! I dig! High-five.
(boy) Heads up! Jeez, what's with you people? Hey, how's my cohost doing? Oh, Brad, I never realized How hard it would be to throw a party.
It's much more fun to go to someone else's.
What are you talking about? I'm having a great time.
What? [wood creaking.]
Oh! I got it.
Whoa, what's this huge line for? [cheering.]
Wow, I did it! Who's next? [all clamoring.]
Wow, who would have thought? [gasps.]
Oh, haven't any of these people heard of coasters? [growls.]
Chill out.
You need to relax.
I don't think I can.
Just leave it up to the old bradster.
Don Prima.
Yes, hello.
I think she's going to be just fine.
Anyways, where were we, girls? [together.]
Hmm! I dig.
I dig.
You know, Jenny, it's totally cool of you to throw such a swingin' party.
Really? Swinging? And me cool? [laughs hysterically.]
Hmm, yes.
Aw, man, our only hacky sack.
Hey, dudes, how about this? You know, Don, I always thought you were really cool too.
Why, thank you.
That's a cool thing to say.
Not as cool as what you said.
You think so? I do.
(boy) Yeah, kick that gadget.
[laughter.]
The vacuum thingy! [boys moaning.]
Did you just backslap three hacky sackers and knock out Don Prima? Don Prima! Here.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no! Are you all right, Don? Who's Don? Hello, there.
Hi.
Uh So, uh How do you Feel about Pin the tail on the donkey? Wow.
I totally love that game! Really? Hey, what's with the little vacuum cleaner? Oh, nothin'.
This little dude is totally partied out.
Dude, he needs a place to crash.
Please snap out of it, Don.
Don? (Brad) See, the trick to pinning the tail is all in the wrist.
Brad, where's the vacuum thingy? Don't know.
Chucked it somewhere.
What time is it? 5:58 A.
M.
What? Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Hey, that robot chic's totally wrecking her own place.
[crowd cheers.]
Where is it? Whereisit? Brad! Oh, sorry.
Everybody Stop! That's it! Party's over.
And stay out.
[engine roaring.]
[ominous music.]
Whew.
[gasps.]
(Brad) Ooh! That was the raddest party ever.
[clock chiming.]
[warbling noise.]
[speaking foreign language.]
We need to find that weapon.
[scoffs.]
Weapon.
I got your weapon right here.
Bad idea.
Really bad idea.
Ahh! (Brad) Whoa! Good catch.
In less than an hour, those minutians will completely take over the world.
If only we could find-- Oh! Hey, I'm sleeping here.
The vacuum thingy! On my signal, open the door.
Now! [vacuum sucking.]
I guess it really was a dust cleaner.
(Wakeman) Well, well, well.
I see the minutians are gone and you cleaned your room.
Splendid work, XJ9.
I'm glad I trusted you.
To show my appreciation, I think I'll let you throw that party you've been wanting to have.
[together.]
Ah! I'll set up the pin the tail on the donkey.
[donkey braying.]
[screaming.]
[all screaming.]
What's wrong? Eh [speaking Japanese.]
[speaking Japanese.]
[ominous music.]
[hisses.]
[screaming.]
Don't panic! [translates.]
Take cover.
[translates.]
[snarls.]
Hey! Toss me a pipe! [translates.]
[whistling descent.]
[speaking Japanese.]
Yay! [cheers.]
[cheering.]
[speaking Japanese.]
[speaking Japanese.]
[screaming.]
[all murmuring.]
Hey, Brad, Jenny's back! Hi, Jenny.
How was Japan? Konnichiwa.
Konnichiwa? Cool.
Oh, for us? Oh, you didn't have to bring these.
[speaks Japanese.]
[repeats Japanese.]
I gotta run to the mall.
Hey, Jenn, you want to come? [speaks Japanese.]
Huh? [speaking Japanese.]
Ah! [door slams.]
Well, I'm late to the mall.
I'll see you later.
And I'm late to the opening of my present.
[speaking Japanese.]
XJ9, you must slow down.
Japanese is not my forte.
You want Sushi? You need to go to the dentist? You want to play charades? Oh, goody.
I love charades.
Four words.
"I.
" [Can-Can from Orpheus in the Underworld plays.]
Uh, can-can? Can! "I can!" "Knot.
" "I can not.
" "I cannot pat my tummy and rub my head at the same time.
" "I cannot bungee jump while painting my toenails.
" "I cannot stop eating cheese in my milkshake.
" [speaking Japanese.]
"I cannot stop petting those cute little puppies.
" Oh, this is impossible.
How can we play charades if you cannot speak english? Let's go find out what's wrong.
[machine beeping.]
Hmm, open your oral drive, XJ9.
Aha! You're missing your language O.
S.
Disk.
[buzzing.]
XJ9, there's a fire in town! [speaking Japanese.]
Uh, sounds good.
[screaming.]
[all screaming.]
[speaking Japanese.]
Uh, did you get that? [all talking.]
[all screaming.]
Lay off the threads, mama.
I can't understand a word you're saying.
If you're going to stay in this country, you gotta learn to speak english.
[horn honking.]
I think it's Japanese.
Do you know Japanese? [all talking.]
Quick, to the library! [rewinding noise.]
Okay, I give up.
What is it? Let's take another look at this gobbledygook.
Oh, what's this? Test tube plus water drop equals frowny face.
Test tube plus no water equals happy face.
It must mean to add water.
[muffled screaming.]
Cool! Cool! Whoa! Easy, boy.
Easy.
You want some water? Stay back! I said stay back, you filthy slime! Don't be a fool.
You have your whole life ahead of you.
Oh, no! My dad's going to kill me.
What did I do wrong? [yells in Japanese.]
What did you say? You need something, miss? Uh, hey, hey, pal.
Someone needs to speak to you.
[yells in Japanese.]
Oh, the hose! Hey, hey, buddy, wake up.
This? You're pointing to this? All right.
Here you go.
Hey, that's no way to talk to the animals.
Deja vu.
[screaming.]
[loud crashing noises.]
[horn honks.]
[speaking Japanese.]
[boy yelling.]
He talks like Jenny.
Yes, that is Hydrophelix, quite common in Japan.
He's apologizing to the metal girl for his great size.
Water makes him grow and also hurts him.
He speaks of an evil child who kept feeding him with water no matter how hard he screamed.
The robot is excited to hear he is full of water.
Hey, Jenn, these guys know all about little hydrowhosits.
We will be happy to bring him home.
[speaking Japanese.]
Oh, great, more Japanese.
How's anyone supposed to follow what's going on? Don't worry, Tuck.
From now on, there'll be no more misunderstandings.
[door opens.]
(Brad) Hello, Tuck? You home? Hey, did you figure out Jenny's gift? Sun equals frowny face.
No sun equals smiley face.
Oh, well.
[whistling.]
[muffled screaming.]
[glass shatters.]
Hyah! With the strength of a million and 70 men, I guess I really shouldn't complain.
Still, I wish I could go for a walk without rusting in the rain.
It's enough to fry my brain.
So welcome to my life as a teenage robot, the story of my life as a teenage robot.
My teenage robot life.
[Wakeman singing.]
Perfect.
[beeping.]
Right on schedule.
I'm just about ready to go on my trip.
Now I'm ready.
[singing.]
Whoa! Trash everywhere.
These walls and floors are filthy.
This room is an absolute pigsty.
XJ9! You don't have to yell, mother.
I'm right here.
What's up? Well, I will tell you what is up.
The piles of trash in this room.
I asked you to do one thing this week: Clean your room.
There is no way I can leave such an irresponsible robot to defend the earth.
I am unpacking.
[gasps.]
No! I mean, you have to go.
How are they going to solve the energy crisis on pluto without you? Pluto will just have to sit in the dark with you to blame.
The annual minutian invasion happens tomorrow morning.
How can I leave you to deal with such a threat on your own? Mother, please.
Just because I didn't clean my room doesn't mean I'm irresponsible.
Now, I fought the minutians before on my own and have defeated them on my own.
You can trust me to take care of this.
It's time to face the fact that your little girl is growing up.
[mournful violin music.]
[crying.]
Well, you're right, XJ9.
Well, technically, you're wrong, because you're a robot and will remain a teenager forever, but metaphorically, you're absolutely right.
I do trust you.
I will go as planned.
Now, there's just one thing before I leave.
Jenny, I got some stuff for our secret party tonight.
[gasps.]
Brad, hide! Ahhhhhh! What was that? Nothing.
What was what? I mean, coming.
(Wakeman) The minutians will land on this precise spot tomorrow at 6:00 A.
M.
sharp.
How is it again that you know they'll land here? They always land here.
Why do you think I moved here? The minutians are predictable, punctual, and mean.
So you will need this, the S.
U.
X.
Containment unit, the only weapon against absolute minutian world domination.
Oh, yeah, the vacuum thingy.
Well, don't worry.
I'll make sure it's in a safe place.
See? Hmm, yes.
Now, you don't want to miss your flight.
Hello, Bradley.
Hello, Mrs.
W.
Have a pleasant trip, ma'am.
Do not forget, XJ9.
6:00 A.
M.
sharp.
I won't.
Good-bye.
[both laugh insincerely.]
Whew, that was close.
Come on.
It would have ruined everything if mom found out about our supersecret party tonight.
If throwing the coolest party in the world doesn't make me popular, nothing will.
Totally.
And Don Prima will be there.
Mm-hmm.
[banging.]
Mom's back! Hide! Hide where? Oh, it's you.
I came to help with the supersecret party.
Tuck, didn't I tell you that-- We got a lot of work to do before tonight.
It's going to be a total rager.
Where should I put the pin the tail on the donkey? You can't stay, Tuck.
Yeah, adults only.
[sobbing.]
See, this is exactly why he can't be here.
I could be an adult! I could be an adult! Look, Tuck, it's just that-- [telephone rings on other end.]
(Wakeman) Hello? Hello, Mrs.
Wakeman? It's Tuck from next door.
Okay, you can stay.
Pin the tail on the donkey? Yes.
I just called to say I love you.
Excuse me? [whistling.]
The kid's good.
Anyway, he'll just end up falling asleep.
I'm totally staying up all night! Whatever.
This is going to be the most fun ever! [techno music.]
Yes, nice to see all my peeps again.
Ladies, how's it goin'? [together.]
Hmm! I dig! I dig! High-five.
(boy) Heads up! Jeez, what's with you people? Hey, how's my cohost doing? Oh, Brad, I never realized How hard it would be to throw a party.
It's much more fun to go to someone else's.
What are you talking about? I'm having a great time.
What? [wood creaking.]
Oh! I got it.
Whoa, what's this huge line for? [cheering.]
Wow, I did it! Who's next? [all clamoring.]
Wow, who would have thought? [gasps.]
Oh, haven't any of these people heard of coasters? [growls.]
Chill out.
You need to relax.
I don't think I can.
Just leave it up to the old bradster.
Don Prima.
Yes, hello.
I think she's going to be just fine.
Anyways, where were we, girls? [together.]
Hmm! I dig.
I dig.
You know, Jenny, it's totally cool of you to throw such a swingin' party.
Really? Swinging? And me cool? [laughs hysterically.]
Hmm, yes.
Aw, man, our only hacky sack.
Hey, dudes, how about this? You know, Don, I always thought you were really cool too.
Why, thank you.
That's a cool thing to say.
Not as cool as what you said.
You think so? I do.
(boy) Yeah, kick that gadget.
[laughter.]
The vacuum thingy! [boys moaning.]
Did you just backslap three hacky sackers and knock out Don Prima? Don Prima! Here.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no! Are you all right, Don? Who's Don? Hello, there.
Hi.
Uh So, uh How do you Feel about Pin the tail on the donkey? Wow.
I totally love that game! Really? Hey, what's with the little vacuum cleaner? Oh, nothin'.
This little dude is totally partied out.
Dude, he needs a place to crash.
Please snap out of it, Don.
Don? (Brad) See, the trick to pinning the tail is all in the wrist.
Brad, where's the vacuum thingy? Don't know.
Chucked it somewhere.
What time is it? 5:58 A.
M.
What? Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Hey, that robot chic's totally wrecking her own place.
[crowd cheers.]
Where is it? Whereisit? Brad! Oh, sorry.
Everybody Stop! That's it! Party's over.
And stay out.
[engine roaring.]
[ominous music.]
Whew.
[gasps.]
(Brad) Ooh! That was the raddest party ever.
[clock chiming.]
[warbling noise.]
[speaking foreign language.]
We need to find that weapon.
[scoffs.]
Weapon.
I got your weapon right here.
Bad idea.
Really bad idea.
Ahh! (Brad) Whoa! Good catch.
In less than an hour, those minutians will completely take over the world.
If only we could find-- Oh! Hey, I'm sleeping here.
The vacuum thingy! On my signal, open the door.
Now! [vacuum sucking.]
I guess it really was a dust cleaner.
(Wakeman) Well, well, well.
I see the minutians are gone and you cleaned your room.
Splendid work, XJ9.
I'm glad I trusted you.
To show my appreciation, I think I'll let you throw that party you've been wanting to have.
[together.]
Ah! I'll set up the pin the tail on the donkey.
[donkey braying.]
[screaming.]
[all screaming.]
What's wrong? Eh [speaking Japanese.]
[speaking Japanese.]
[ominous music.]
[hisses.]
[screaming.]
Don't panic! [translates.]
Take cover.
[translates.]
[snarls.]
Hey! Toss me a pipe! [translates.]
[whistling descent.]
[speaking Japanese.]
Yay! [cheers.]
[cheering.]
[speaking Japanese.]
[speaking Japanese.]
[screaming.]
[all murmuring.]
Hey, Brad, Jenny's back! Hi, Jenny.
How was Japan? Konnichiwa.
Konnichiwa? Cool.
Oh, for us? Oh, you didn't have to bring these.
[speaks Japanese.]
[repeats Japanese.]
I gotta run to the mall.
Hey, Jenn, you want to come? [speaks Japanese.]
Huh? [speaking Japanese.]
Ah! [door slams.]
Well, I'm late to the mall.
I'll see you later.
And I'm late to the opening of my present.
[speaking Japanese.]
XJ9, you must slow down.
Japanese is not my forte.
You want Sushi? You need to go to the dentist? You want to play charades? Oh, goody.
I love charades.
Four words.
"I.
" [Can-Can from Orpheus in the Underworld plays.]
Uh, can-can? Can! "I can!" "Knot.
" "I can not.
" "I cannot pat my tummy and rub my head at the same time.
" "I cannot bungee jump while painting my toenails.
" "I cannot stop eating cheese in my milkshake.
" [speaking Japanese.]
"I cannot stop petting those cute little puppies.
" Oh, this is impossible.
How can we play charades if you cannot speak english? Let's go find out what's wrong.
[machine beeping.]
Hmm, open your oral drive, XJ9.
Aha! You're missing your language O.
S.
Disk.
[buzzing.]
XJ9, there's a fire in town! [speaking Japanese.]
Uh, sounds good.
[screaming.]
[all screaming.]
[speaking Japanese.]
Uh, did you get that? [all talking.]
[all screaming.]
Lay off the threads, mama.
I can't understand a word you're saying.
If you're going to stay in this country, you gotta learn to speak english.
[horn honking.]
I think it's Japanese.
Do you know Japanese? [all talking.]
Quick, to the library! [rewinding noise.]
Okay, I give up.
What is it? Let's take another look at this gobbledygook.
Oh, what's this? Test tube plus water drop equals frowny face.
Test tube plus no water equals happy face.
It must mean to add water.
[muffled screaming.]
Cool! Cool! Whoa! Easy, boy.
Easy.
You want some water? Stay back! I said stay back, you filthy slime! Don't be a fool.
You have your whole life ahead of you.
Oh, no! My dad's going to kill me.
What did I do wrong? [yells in Japanese.]
What did you say? You need something, miss? Uh, hey, hey, pal.
Someone needs to speak to you.
[yells in Japanese.]
Oh, the hose! Hey, hey, buddy, wake up.
This? You're pointing to this? All right.
Here you go.
Hey, that's no way to talk to the animals.
Deja vu.
[screaming.]
[loud crashing noises.]
[horn honks.]
[speaking Japanese.]
[boy yelling.]
He talks like Jenny.
Yes, that is Hydrophelix, quite common in Japan.
He's apologizing to the metal girl for his great size.
Water makes him grow and also hurts him.
He speaks of an evil child who kept feeding him with water no matter how hard he screamed.
The robot is excited to hear he is full of water.
Hey, Jenn, these guys know all about little hydrowhosits.
We will be happy to bring him home.
[speaking Japanese.]
Oh, great, more Japanese.
How's anyone supposed to follow what's going on? Don't worry, Tuck.
From now on, there'll be no more misunderstandings.
[door opens.]
(Brad) Hello, Tuck? You home? Hey, did you figure out Jenny's gift? Sun equals frowny face.
No sun equals smiley face.
Oh, well.
[whistling.]
[muffled screaming.]
[glass shatters.]