Mystery Girls (2014) s01e05 Episode Script

There are my two favorite hookers.
Being a hookers is not nearly as glamorous as Julia Roberts made it seem in Pretty Woman.
Yeah.
But it was cool meeting Charlie Sheen Wow, did you infiltrate the escort service? No, Charles blew our cover with her sexy pose.
- Show Nick.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God.
You look like you're giving birth to twins.
I told you! I said triplets.
Well, it's a good thing you're back early.
A client is on his way over.
He said he knew you, Holly.
a Mr.
Frost? The only Mr.
Frost I know is my old high school principal.
I hope this isn't about that library book I never returned.
Miss Hamilton.
You haven't changed a bit.
This? Oh, no, we're just hookers.
We're not really hookers.
We're just playing hookers.
Undercover.
Hi, I'm Charlie.
I'm Holly's partner.
Have a seat.
So what brings you to Mystery Girls? I have an issue at the school.
Oh, what is it? Juicing scandal on the baseball team? SAT cheating ring? Inappropriate towel snapping in the boys' locker room? Nick! Graduation is approaching.
That means it's time for the senior prank.
Fun! Remember when we threw hundreds of peaches at you? That was amazing ly cruel.
I'm so sorry.
I still can't look at a peach pit.
Go on.
Well, I'm retiring, and I don't want a bucket of pig's blood dropped on my head.
Why not? What a way to go out! So you want us to find out what the prank is and who's behind it? - We'll go undercover.
- Not as hookers.
Watch out pranksters, the Mystery Girls are going back to high school.
Okay, what we are looking for are the three W's: Who, what, and why? - What about when? - That is part of "what.
" - What about where? - Also part of "what.
" - Wouldn't who be part of why? - How? - I don't think there's a how.
- Why? - Why what? - Guys! Sorry.
Disguises.
What are we thinking? Ooh! You could pretend you're in the band, like in episode fifty-two, "Tuba close for comfort.
" No, I got it.
We'll be substitute teachers.
I'll be the hot new French teacher, Simone Brierre, and you, you can be the lunch lady.
- Lunch lady?! - Too sexy? No, I don't want to be the lunch lady, and pass out fish sticks and mushy carrots.
I do that at home.
Then how about the gym teacher? Ooh, I like it! Short shorts, a high pony, a whistle.
- It could be perfect! - Yeah, that could work.
I'll keep an eye on the jocks.
They're always up to something stupid.
Excuse me, you are talking to a jock.
What sport did you play? Varsity figure skating, trapeze and rhythmic dance.
I was a triple threat.
What high school did you go to, the one on "Glee"? Holly, I'll bet you were ultra popular in high school.
No, I was a child actor, I was barely there.
I spent most of my senior year making a lifetime movie.
- "Father may I nap with peril"? - Oh! Girl in a barrel.
" I played the sad rodeo clown, Cooter.
Of course! I used to yell at the TV all the time, "cheer up, Cooter!" - But you never did.
- No.
Thanks to that movie I missed my prom and I didn't even graduate.
Wait, what? How do I not know that about you? - You don't know everything about me.
- Uh, yes, I do.
Try me.
Okay.
What did I have for dinner last night? Hot pocket and a bag of funyuns.
Fine! All right! - Did you graduate? - Yes.
Yes, I was class president, captain of the debate team, and head cheerleader.
I was kind of bossy.
Sit down, Nick, we're not done.
I'm glad to see you've changed.
Hey, slow it down.
And you, speed it up.
Oh, my God, you are the cutest gym teacher! Words never spoken in History.
What are you doing? We had a deal.
We were supposed to be substitute teachers.
I'm P.
E.
, and you are clearly not the French teacher.
Yeah, change of plans.
I realized I can never pass as a French teacher.
So I'm a student instead.
Okay.
Uh where'd you get that outfit? Forever kidding yourself? No, I still had it from our episode, "two plus two equals murder.
" Did you steal all of the clothes from the show? It'll be perfect.
The popular kids are always behind the bad stuff in school.
I will accomplish so much more this way.
Okay, and you really expect these kids to buy you as seventeen? - What up? - What up back? Charles, we got this.
I'll get in with the popular girls, you get close to the jocks, and we'll meet somewhere in the middle.
Go Tigers! All right.
Listen up, losers.
Let's see a straight line.
Come on! What are you waiting for? Move, move! The name's Contour, aka your worst nightmare.
What are you grinning about? You thinking about a prank? Ooh, I bet you like pranks.
I don't know what you're talking about.
What's that? You want to fight me? Is that what you said? No Ten laps.
Move! All right, roll call.
Baxter? Donnelly? Herring? Fred Herring! He's not here, thanks to stupid Principal Frost.
What's that, slim? You got a beef with Frost? Yeah, he cost us the state championship.
Herring was our star quarterback until he got expelled.
I bet he's mad.
Mad enough to maybe get even? I don't know, man.
Do I look like his dad? I don't know, man.
You look like you're about to run ten laps.
Beat it! - Second period selfie! - Photo bomb! Oh.
What, you don't do that here at West Beverly? - Who are you? - I'm Holly.
I just transferred from Sweet Valley.
What's that, a mental institution? Oh! Remember to tag me in your selfie! Oh! Guess who just outran half the football team? Contour's still got the moves.
I'm glad one of us is enjoying high school.
- What's wrong? - No one likes me.
We're not here to make friends.
Oh, good, then I'm doing an awesome job.
Oh, man! Now they're gonna think I'm friends with the teacher.
I should just tattoo an "L" on my forehead.
All righty, ladies, let's line up.
Come on! Hustle, Hustle.
- Okay.
- Or else what? - What did you say? - Well, what are you gonna do, put us in gym jail? Lose the attitude, Botox.
Well, I'll lose the attitude when you lose the whistle.
And I know a pretty good place you can keep it.
Ooh! Oh! All right, all right, all right, that's it! - You have a choice.
- Mm-hm.
A hundred push-ups or climb the rope.
How about neither? I got no upper-body strength.
These bad boys, they're just for show.
Pow! Pow! Hey, hey! Stop laughing, unless you all want to do push-ups? No, it'll ruin our makeup.
Right, Holly? Right, Gretch.
But what does our gym teacher know about makeup? Or deodorant.
I'm sorry.
So I sent him like twenty selfies and he finally let me hook up with him behind whimple's donuts.
Oh, hooking up behind whimple's is still a thing? Scott Baio took me there.
He's a boy from my other high school.
Hamilton, a word.
Ooh, Hottie's in trouble.
Whatever, Gretchen, you wish! That's not a balanced meal.
Did you hear that? They're calling me "Hottie" instead of Holly! - We should make that a thing.
- We're not making that a thing.
- What'd you find out? - Tons! You wouldn't believe it.
All right, tell me.
Okay.
Well, Gretchen says that Penny and Chad are about to break up, which is good because Penny hooked up with Chad's brother twice.
- And you know Monica, right? - I don't know anybody.
What are you doing? You call this "detectiving?" - Why? What do you have? - Plenty.
Frost expelled Fred Herring earlier this year, and the jocks are pissed.
- Who's Fred Herring? - The star quarterback.
If he had played, the school might have made it to the state championships.
Oh, we could have won state? - We? - They.
Okay, come on.
I sent the jocks on a run.
We have twenty minutes to search their stuff.
Now? But I only have fifteen minutes to eat before art class.
We're drawing a naked guy.
Okay, listen to me.
You know that you are not really a senior, and you don't really have to go to class, right? Yeah, but maybe if I do, they'll let me graduate.
- Is that crazy? - That's crazy.
God, take a second to think about it.
Okay.
Come on, let's go find clues.
Unless you want to eat that chicken wing and corn niblets on your plate over there.
Ew, I wouldn't eat that gross food.
I ordered Sushi.
Yoohoo, over here! It's so weird.
Why is everyone just sitting around? At my high school there were always dance-offs during lunch.
Pow! It was good.
Seriously, which high school did you go to? Oh! Boys are so disgusting.
There's like a whole pizza in this kid's backpack.
This one has a whole collection of crusty socks.
Yeah, maybe don't touch that.
Ooh! I found a nerdy jock! There's actually a book in his bag.
Huh, he probably uses it to beat up nerds.
What's that? Looks like a diagram.
That's a picture of Mr.
Frost at the podium.
Above him is a bucket and it says "glue.
" What are they gonna do, tar and feather him? Yeah.
It says, "let's tar and feather him.
" That's weird, this is Gretchen's book.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? This book's gonna be on the final? No! Gretchen's in on it.
Hey, that's my best friend you're talking about.
Second best.
Are you breaking into somebody's locker? Gretchen's.
I'm trying to prove to Charlie that she's not in on the prank.
- Where've you been? - Taking care of a minor disaster.
- What was it? - Rehearsals for "Grease.
" But don't worry, I fired the kid playing Danny Zuko and I totally rechoreographed the second act.
Ugh! I have tried every combo I can think of.
Allow me.
I learned everything I know from the fonz, eh! I don't know who that is.
I'm just a teenager.
Oh, my gosh.
That's a lot of glue.
And feathers.
This is really bad, Nick.
I think my friend is behind this thing.
Well, I think your friend is about to be behind you.
I'm out like greased lightning.
Hey, Gretch! - What's going on? - Nothing.
Oh, come on, you can tell me.
You can tell me anything.
I'm not really seventeen.
I'm nineteen.
I was held back two years.
Now you.
Actually, there is something I wanted to talk to you about.
Ooh! A confession? Sounds juicy, go on.
I want you to have this.
All my friends wear them.
Oh, not what I was expecting.
You're one of us now.
This means we'll always have each other's backs.
Oh - See you after school! - Okay.
Any new developments? I got good news and I got bad news.
The good news is Gretchen gave me a pink wristband.
I'm one of the gang! Oh, yay! I was so worried about your social status in high school.
- What is the bad news? - Gretchen's behind the prank.
- I found proof in her locker.
- That is great news! Let's go turn her in so I can go home and take a shower.
- You made me paranoid.
- No! We can't turn her in! - She's my friend.
- Okay, you have got to stop this.
I can't help it.
I'm finally having a normal high school experience.
And I'm popular! Holly, you're popular all around the world.
Except for Australia because of that weird koala incident.
But Gretchen likes me for me.
Not because I was on "Mystery Girls.
" Or because of my starring role in lifetime's "Eat, Pray, Murder.
" I mean, even Nick came to work for us because we're famous.
We will talk about this later.
Right now we have to turn Gretchen in.
- Is there any other way? - Well, we could teach her a lesson.
Can it wait till tomorrow? 'Cause tonight, Chad's having a kegger.
Hey, Coach.
Can we have a word? You pushed us pretty hard this week, and there's something we want to say to you about it.
Thanks.
You've inspired us to be better people.
All right, all right, grow a pair.
Can I get everybody's attention, please? Oh! I'm gonna miss this thing.
Okay, I know you're all very anxious to hear from your principal.
But first, I have an extra special award to present.
This year's West Beverly "Hot Stuff" award - goes to Gretchen King! - You did it, girl! I've never even heard of this award, I'm so excited! I know! Come on up here and get your award.
Come on up here.
Stand right where Principal Frost would stand.
- Uh - What? Is there a problem with this general area right here? No.
Go on, stand up there.
You deserve it, Gretch! I'm cool right here, Hottie.
Move it! Go! Go! Lay off me! You don't want to stand up there because you're behind the senior prank.
Admit it, Hot Stuff! You can't prove anything! Um, by the way, we moved your glue and feathers to the hallway.
Mystery solved! I forgot my "Hot Stuff" award.
It's a great honor.
All right, now that that's over, I give you Principal Frost.
Thank you, Mystery Girls.
No need to thank us, just pay us.
Or better.
There's a better than paying us? You can give me my diploma.
Not getting it is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
- Would you do that? - Would it make you happy? - Yes, it would.
- No.
Well, I say yes! Who's with me? Holly Hamilton graduates! Holly Hamilton graduates! Holly Hamilton graduates! Holly Hamilton graduates! Holly Hamilton graduates! Is this gonna get me a diploma? I don't think so.
But it sure is fun.
Holly Hamilton graduates! Holly Hamilton graduates! Hey, Cooter.
I know it's been a rough week, but thanks to you, we cracked another case.
I'm proud of you, Hottie.
See? It's becoming a thing.
Well, I better get home.
I stole the whistle.
I wanna see if it works on Michael and Demi.
- Good night.
- Hey, Hol, do you have a sec? Yeah.
Sure, what's up? Charlie told me that you think the only reason I love you is because you're famous.
That's not true.
You did this interview on Entertainment tonight years ago and they asked you the key to your success.
- Do you remember what you said? - Say yes to every role? You said, "don't let anyone tell you who you are.
- Live your own truth.
" - Oh, yeah, I remember that.
Well, I came out to my parents that night.
And it was the single best decision I've ever made.
You changed my life, Holly.
I love you, Boo.
Hey, guys, can one of you please give me a ride home? Gretchen tarred and feathered my minivan! Go Tigers! - Can I come in now? - No, just one more minute! Nick, cue the graduation music.
- That's not graduation music.
- It was at my high school! - Nick! - Fine.
Okay! - Hey! Ha! - Oh! Aw! Holly Hamilton graduates! I present you with a high school diploma.
Frost gave in? No, Nick made it on the computer.
- I love it! - Speech! Speech! Oh, okay! As your most popular, best dressed valedictorian, I humbly accept this Sorry, I do have a problem.
- Okay, picture.
- Yes.
- Say "Hottie"! - Hottie!