Nip/Tuck s01e05 Episode Script

Previously on Nip / Tuck: - Are you a doctor? - Plastic surgeon.
Girls don't care if you have a 2-inch pecker a hairy ass, or balls like cranberries.
What they care about is that you know what you're doing.
You ever done twins? Mother and daughter once, but never twins.
- Hi.
- Hi.
How do you seduce women? It's about charm, Sean, and confidence.
You wine, you dine, you romance.
Julia needs that.
She's clearly starved for it.
- How do you know that? - Every woman is.
God, it's good to be back.
Tell me what you don't like about yourself.
My eyes.
Mr.
Dempsey, what exactly do you think is wrong with them? I'd like them to look more like hers.
It's for my parents, actually.
We're very close, and they are - Traditional? - Xenophobic.
Her mother's Nisei.
She was born in a Japanese-American internment camp.
Her family lost everything, their home, their business, their dignity.
She's always disapproved of any man I went out with who wasn't Japanese.
I just can't take the chance this time.
Not with him.
Not when you've found the one.
Miss Moriata, if he's the one why not elope and then introduce him to your mother? It's a lot more reasonable than asking your fiancé to rearrange his face.
The last man I was serious about was also white.
She said if I married him, I will never see her again.
Our children will never know their family.
I can't let Leigh make that kind of sacrifice when I can prevent it by having this operation.
It isn't quite so simple, Mr.
Dempsey.
There's no guarantee that the surgery, no matter how good a job we do is going to adequately convince Leigh's mother that you're Japanese.
I'd hate to put you through the pain and trauma of an operation and not have it come out the way you'd like it to.
And the procedure is somewhat uncommon so there would be some extra expense.
Whatever the cost.
- Maybe you should think about it.
- My mind's made up.
Haven't you ever loved someone so much that you're willing to do anything to keep from losing them? Mom, I can't find my pyramid.
I don't know what you did with it.
I'll be right there, Annie.
I'm just a little busy at the moment.
Shit.
It's real.
- Yes.
- You weren't even looking, were you? I have firsthand knowledge.
You know, women in this country, they've got no modesty.
- God bless America.
- You interested? I'm looking for something higher on the food chain.
- What about you, Victor? - I'm through looking.
You're only engaged.
Monogamy doesn't go into effect until after the wedding.
- Susannah doesn't see it that way.
- She'll never know.
Yeah, she bloody will.
After you commit, it don't matter what you wash with they smell infidelity on you like cat piss.
I get it.
Two of you are just jealous because I get all I want whenever I want it.
Ever notice how monogamy rhymes with monotony? I feel sorry for you, man.
- Obviously, you've never been in love.
- Of course I have.
It's that beautiful moment between meeting the woman of your dreams and seeing her stretch marks.
- Does Susannah give you head? - All the time.
Well, don't get too used to it.
Once you say "I do," they say "I don't.
" Untrue.
Some of the best blowjobs I've had were from married women.
Americans don't know the meaning of oral sex.
Okay, here we go.
So everything European is better, right, Serge? Cigarettes? Wine? German women, they're the best.
Speaking, of course, as the expert on international head.
Has to do with their ability to follow orders.
Excuse me, gentlemen, but that poor girl looks parched.
I'd better buy her a drink.
Don't you ever get tired of it, man? The whole who-am-I-gonna-lay-tonight scene? Yes, Victor, I do.
I get absolutely exhausted.
It's not just peas and corn, people.
Mendel and McClintock have provided us with the key to understanding how physical appearance, metabolic capacity, and intelligence are passed on from parents to offspring.
Of course, we're talking about inherent potential which some organisms may reach, while others will not.
Someone's been studying, I see.
Well, I guess I know who I'll be sitting next to during the MCATs.
Better pick someone else.
No, listen, I promise I'll only copy questions on Mendel and McClintock.
Why don't we discuss it over lunch? - Have you ever been to Tantra? - Oh, Jude, I'm- No, it's great.
They got this movie of the Kamasutra playing in the dining room.
Perfect place to discuss reproduction.
Look, Jude, I'm flattered in every way.
But you'd just be wasting your time.
I'm probably not even going to med school.
So what are you gonna do with all that beauty and brains? I don't know.
Pass them on to my offspring? Apparently, she left him for someone else.
If she looked like this, he probably paid the guy to abduct her.
- What would make someone do this? - Love.
He was obviously deeply in love with Toyota.
The butt crack's tough to read.
It's a sign of commitment.
Maybe it was his way of telling the world he'd met his soul mate.
Whom we'll now scrape off his back along with two layers of skin down to the dermis.
You and Julia love each other.
I don't see you branding each other's names all over your butts.
Then again, I haven't showered with either of you since college.
We discussed it before we got married.
She thought I was crazy.
I would've done it.
I have a tattoo on my right breast.
- Two female symbols intertwined.
- Double dykes.
I'm expressing my lesbian identity.
Excuse me.
I have a couple who have been waiting an hour.
They want to talk to one of you.
You go.
I can do this.
So can I.
You go.
Well, I need one of you.
They've read the brochure so many times, they've memorized it.
Things won't improve unless you work on them.
You're not even trying.
Believe me, if I wasn't trying, she'd be dead by now.
The car was totaled.
People who saw what happened couldn't believe I just walked away.
I just thank God she's alive.
I don't know how I'd make it without her.
Nothing else broken? - No, just my nose.
- I see.
Since it has to be reset anyway, if that is the right expression I was hoping you could do something to make it a little cuter.
- Your nose couldn't be any cuter.
- Never mind him.
I had a zit the size of Mt.
Saint Helens that he thought was adorable.
Excuse me.
Okay.
Let's see.
Maybe we could take off a little here.
- And then- - Any other side effects from the accident? Dreams? Inability to focus? Undue fear? Sleeplessness? No.
Excuse me, Dr.
Santiago, I'd assumed you'd asked these questions while they were waiting for me to get out of surgery.
I tell you what.
I'll talk it over with my partner, Dr.
McNamara and we'll schedule you for surgery.
- Okay? - Okay.
Anything you'd like to add, Dr.
Santiago? - Not a thing.
- Excellent.
Thank you, Dr.
Troy.
Make sure Nurse Linda gets all your information.
- This way.
- Thank you.
I see no problem after a life-threatening accident.
A little change can be therapeutic.
Dr.
Santiago, do me a favor.
When a patient is waiting for me for whatever reason, please begin your consultation in your office.
- And when I'm through? - Stay there.
- What? - Nothing.
I was just thinking, it's a shame turtlenecks aren't in style anymore.
Hi, honey.
These are for you.
That was a joke.
Thank you.
They're lovely.
You shouldn't have gone to the trouble.
- What the hell is that stink? - Decay.
I kept meaning to throw them out, but You need some help? Why don't I set the table.
Hey, you got an A.
Minus.
Still, I'm impressed.
- It's just one test.
- Is this the teacher you knew in college? It was multiple-choice, in case you think she showed favoritism.
I meant you've always been a great student.
Better than me.
- That was a long time ago.
- You've obviously still got potential.
You know what potential is, Sean? Nothing.
Just wishful thinking.
A possibility that doesn't exist unless it's fulfilled.
The truth about the acorn is the tree.
- Remember? Junior year Philosophy? - Nietzsche? - Hegel.
- I rest my case.
But just look at us, Sean.
I'm still the acorn and you became the tree.
You want to go to med school? We'll make it happen.
You've got my support financially, emotionally, whatever it takes.
I'm pregnant.
Hey, what's for supper? What's that smell? Did something die in here or what? So you guys ready to turn Charlie Brown into Pokémon? Does anyone here besides me think it's morally reprehensible for a white man to pass himself off as a victim of the American racial hierarchy? Tell her to quit using those big words around me.
- It's our job to alleviate pain.
- That's your answer? Why don't we just turn everyone white and hetero? We can change the obstacle that separates this guy from the one thing he wants.
I see nothing wrong in doing that.
- Liz, you shave under your arms? - Of course.
Why, trying to pass yourself off as being straight? Keep talking.
You are so close to a harassment suit.
Could you act professional around her for a change? Is that too much to ask? Who pissed in your CREAM OF WHEAT this morning? Julia's pregnant.
Congratulations.
Or should I not say congratulations? I don't know, actually.
Is Julia excited? It's complicated.
I mean, she started taking these premed courses.
This was supposed to be her time to, you know, do her thing.
That was sort of the plan.
So she's ambivalent.
Timing has never been my strong suit as far as Julia getting pregnant.
Like with Matt, remember? What you said back then really helped.
I can't imagine my life now without him.
I just told you what you wanted to hear, that's all.
Well, do it again.
You mean talk you out of pushing Julia into having an abortion? Yeah.
I don't think I can.
You were in a different place back then.
- You guys were young.
You were in love.
- We're still in love.
Listen, if your gut is telling you something is not right, maybe it isn't.
Or maybe it is.
Maybe it'll give us something good to focus on.
Don't take this the wrong way, but you haven't exactly been Superdad.
So I'll do better this time.
People change.
Faces change, and asses and thighs, but people? Come on, Sean.
You think he'll be Japanese 'cause we make him look Asian? No one changes.
We are who we are.
Oh, my God! It's considered a courtesy for the person who finishes the pot to make more.
Is it? I just assumed you had a coffee girl who provided you with that service.
No, we don't.
Odd.
I'd have thought making coffee would be a lot more difficult than watering plants.
Jasmine's special.
She has a gift for making things grow.
Are you repeatedly flaunting this adolescent behavior in front of me because a woman has invaded your boys' club? If it makes you feel too uncomfortable, feel free to leave.
I'm sure that Sean will give you a glowing recommendation.
I hope you'll take this in the spirit in which it is intended.
I can tell you going any further with that sentence is a mistake.
The Presbyterian Church on 64th and Collins has S.
A.
meetings every night from 8:00 to 9:00.
Sexaholics Anonymous.
I'm speaking to you as a professional, Christian.
I think you've got a problem.
Do you know how many men would give their right nut for my problem? Too much sex is as strong an indication of intimacy problems as too little.
I've given you the information.
What you do with it is up to you.
Dr.
Santiago, perhaps you should consider having your own orgasm every now and then so that you don't have to live through mine.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Listen, I've been giving it a lot of thought and I think we should have the baby.
I have, too, Sean, been giving it a lot of thought.
Come on, Jules.
I think it'll be good for us.
- Us? - Yeah.
Just what we need.
I'm not sure you know what I need, Sean.
I like being back at school.
When am I gonna take the MCATs, when I'm 50? Who's stopping you? You're always working.
You have no idea what it takes to raise a child.
The energy, the patience.
How much of yourself you have to give up.
I don't think I can do it again.
I'll stay home.
I'll take off as much time as we need.
There's no reason for you to give up being a doctor if that's what you want.
You'll stay home? Don't say it if you don't mean it.
I have no intention of missing out this time around.
Macallan 18? - You know your scotch.
- I know my scotch drinkers.
You don't remember me, do you? Shelly Edwards.
I came to your office a couple of years ago to have something done in exchange for you having a little something done.
An awfully good time.
Till I made the fatal mistake of asking if you had any feelings for me.
Eyes, chin.
Especially nice job on the jaw line.
Shelly Edwards, of course.
I'm sorry I didn't recognize you.
Underneath the ruins? So, think you could freshen me up? Same arrangement? I don't think so.
- Raised your prices? - No.
Prices are the same.
- The currency's- - Changed.
It's late.
I've got surgery tomorrow morning.
Remember my daughter? Seventeen now.
Looks just like I used to.
Not a mark on her, tight as a drum.
You ever have a mother-daughter, Christian? You can have both of us, baby.
Two for one.
I know just how you like it.
I'll show her.
serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Hi, I'm Gina.
- Hi, Gina.
Before we begin, I'd like to ask if there are any new people here could you please raise your hands? I left halfway through my first time here, too.
Then I went out and got laid.
I was considering that, but I have surgery in the morning.
Oh, boy.
They must cream their panties when they hear that.
They do.
However, it's frequently the truth.
So, how's it usually go? Girl meets surgeon, surgeon bangs girl surgeon has great excuse to leave before dawn? Am I close? We go to my place, and I give her cab fare.
A gentleman.
Nice.
So, how many women have you slept with in the last year? Like you said, I'm a gentleman.
How about in the last month? I'll go home and count the notches on my bedpost.
Last week? I bet you're searching for that special someone.
The one who's hotter and smarter and better than the one you're with.
You're good.
Since I started the program, things have changed.
I don't go home with anyone who reinforces my low self-image.
I don't blow anyone off because he has the bad taste to actually like me.
I've gone eight months without a one-nighter.
Here's my number.
You want a sponsor, give me a call.
- Hello? - Want to go for a drink Sponsor? A plastic surgeon.
Perfect.
God, I must have wanted you to see my flaws and find me repulsive.
Shit! You're not repulsive.
I said we could do something about your stretch marks.
Eight months of meetings, my life was finally under control.
Under who's control? The anonymous sex-crazed sycophants who meet once a week to group-think their way out of desperation? Well, I would not expect you to believe in a higher power.
You already think you're God.
Here.
What the hell is that? Cab fare.
You're throwing me out? I really do have surgery in four hours.
If I don't get some sleep I could wind up scarring someone for life.
And you're not scarring me for life? No, forget it.
I am not leaving.
I have too much self-respect for that.
That's it.
Come on! Time to 12-step your way out of here.
You are a narcissistic bastard, you know that? You want the wisdom to know the difference between what you can and can't change? Here's Step 13: Everything disappears.
Love, trees, rocks, steel, plastic human beings.
None of us get out alive.
You can huddle in a group and face it one day at a time or you can be grateful that when your body rubs against somebody else's it explodes with enough pleasure to make you forget even for a minute that you're only a walking pile of ashes.
Now, that is the truth.
If you're strong, it'll make you free.
If you're weak, it'll make you you.
You still got my number, right? Just wanted to tell you the work you did yesterday on that cleft palate - didn't suck.
- Flatterer.
And Julia and I have decided to have the baby.
If that's what you guys want, then congratulations.
And I want to take some time off for paternity leave.
At least three months.
We'll hire somebody.
Plastic surgeons aren't your standard office temps.
You can't put an ad in the paper saying: "Must type 70 words a minute and do mammoplasty.
" I'm gonna make this work, Christian.
I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
I'll do everything I can to minimize it.
I'd love to feel you're behind my doing it, but even if you're not I'm doing it anyway.
Shit! Shit! - What's the problem? - Her jaw won't open far enough.
- I can't see her cords.
- Maybe she broke it.
I have to intubate her fiberoptically.
I got it.
Nose, nose, anything goes.
Thank you, Nurse.
Very gritty.
Scar tissue, lots of it.
She's a gusher.
There shouldn't be that much blood.
Dr.
Santiago, have you ever been sued for malpractice? As a matter of fact, I haven't.
'Course not.
It'd be like suing a witch doctor for a spell that didn't work.
- Good night.
- We hired you to weed out the sickos because you had professional insight but when the big one came along, it slipped by you just like everybody else.
- What are you talking about? - Ellie Collins.
She was never in an accident.
There, that's where the trouble is, right there.
- I can't see anything.
- I don't understand.
I didn't have this problem with Matt or Annie.
We don't know why it happens, Julia.
Your age may be a factor.
You've had two kids.
I don't even know where to look, and I'm a doctor, for God's sake.
Here.
You can't see the embryo.
It's still too early.
Incompetent cervix.
That fits.
It's nothing to be too alarmed about.
What's usually done in this situation is something called a cerclage.
I place a stitch around the cervix to reinforce it so it won't weaken and dilate under the weight of your growing baby.
Because we could miscarry.
That, or have a premature rupture of the fetal membranes possibly preterm delivery.
Okay.
Good.
That's what we'll do then.
A cerclage.
I would, however, strongly recommend bed rest both before the procedure and after, until you are full-term.
How much bed rest? Modified.
I like to play it safe.
You can sit up for meals, shower every few days bathroom privileges, but try to avoid too much walking or lifting or sexual intercourse.
I don't think I can stay in bed for seven months.
You'd be amazed what you can do if you want something badly enough.
I've known my ex-friend here for 10 years.
I've known him from school and sports.
Okay, take-out menus for when you're hungry and more catalogues for when you're bored and want to shop.
I believe you're encouraging me to spend money? I'm not an idiot.
You never buy clothes when you put on weight.
I almost forgot.
Here.
The bed rest chat room says it's the best thing for boredom.
A Game Boy.
Honey, you shouldn't have.
Batteries included.
Call me if you need anything.
So let's answer that.
Did you sleep with him? - No, I didn't.
- Okay.
I got you some take-out.
Honey, you don't have to keep doing this.
It's sweet of you, but- It's chicken and vegetables with a ton of garlic.
It's supposed to boost your immune system.
I'm not sick, Matt.
I'm pregnant.
When I asked for one of these, Dad said no.
I got this lecture about how I was using only one-tenth of my brain.
Like they say, a brain is a terrible thing to waste.
What about yours? A son's brain.
Apparently a wife's is just excess baggage.
I can't believe you're doing this again.
What? Having a baby you don't want.
What do you mean "again"? Maybe if you hadn't gotten pregnant with me you'd be a doctor today.
I have never regretted having you or Annie.
Do you understand that? There is not a degree in the whole world that would make me half as proud.
- And once the baby's born- - You'll go back to school? Isn't that what you said after I was born? After Annie? This baby's not about you, Matt.
Is it about you? Do you even want to have another kid? Or are you just glad to have another reason why you can't go after what you really want? How does it look? It'll be fine, Ellie considering there's practically nothing left of the septum and evidence that the cartilage has been operated on previously.
We'd like to talk to you before your husband gets here, if that's all right.
It wasn't an accident, was it? Dave did it.
You just said it was an accident to protect him.
No.
It won't stop unless you want it to stop, Ellie.
You have to know he's lying when he promises it'll never happen again.
What'll never happen again? Mr.
Collins, visiting hours aren't for another 15 minutes.
If you could wait outside? Does your accident insurance cover wife beating, Mr.
Collins? Is that what you told them? She didn't have to.
The inside of her face looks like a patch quilt.
Did you break her nose, Mr.
Collins? Yes.
Well, you bought her flowers, so I guess you're even.
I'm going to need to talk to you both.
We're required to file a report.
I made him do it.
Ellie battered wives are often made to feel as if they've had it coming.
No, I forced him to break my nose.
You never would've fixed it if you'd known about the other operations.
You would've been like the other doctors who had said I'd done enough to my face.
That it looked fine.
But it didn't.
My nose was hideous! Like some sort of freak.
She begged me to break it and tell you that it was an accident.
That way you'd do the operation with no questions asked.
I didn't want to, but she swore: No more surgeries after this.
I love Ellie.
Watching her suffer, hating herself that way I couldn't stand it.
I had to do something to stop the pain.
Are you gonna report us? What's my crime? Is it loving her too much? Time.
Pencils down.
Pass your tests to the aisle.
Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.
Everything okay? Yeah, I've been a little under the weather but I wasn't gonna miss the midterm.
Well, good.
I thought I was gonna die without you.
It's true.
I actually had to pay attention in the lecture.
My God, this shit is boring.
Why is becoming a doctor so tedious when playing doctor was so much fun? You okay? - Do you have a car? - Yes.
Why? - Can you take me to the hospital? - Sure.
Is this seat taken? It will be.
You're meeting someone? And he's keeping you waiting? He must have balls.
He called.
And, yes, he's got major-league balls.
I can take him.
Can I buy you another drink? Now, that would be pointless, Dr.
Troy since you're the reason I'm drinking.
Call me Christian.
Haven't we seen enough of each other for one day? How many of those have you had? Apparently not enough.
I can still see you.
Please go away.
Look I blamed you for Ellie because I couldn't take responsibility for my own negligence.
I was an asshole.
- I'm sorry.
- Damn it.
What? No witnesses.
It's like a UFO sighting.
It happened clear as day, but no one will believe it.
It's all in the delivery.
You believed that crap Collins said about loving Ellie so much that he had to stop her pain? I believe he believes it.
So you think that was what, love? They have a connection.
They show each other the darkest parts of themselves without fearing the other will run screaming for the hills.
Because they're both psycho.
I guess.
Still, it's a kind of sharing most people won't experience in a lifetime.
It gets old, doesn't it? Looking for that person? Yes, it does.
It gets absolutely exhausting.
I'll notify the bed rest chat room to take this off their anti-boredom list.
It was very sweet.
Really.
Ronald will be disappointed.
Who? The guy I was interviewing to take over during my paternity leave.
I can't believe you were really considering that.
Yes, Julia, I was really considering that.
I was actually putting you ahead of my career.
I know you've been doing it for the past 16 years.
It's not what it's cracked up to be.
You made that pretty clear.
For God's sake, Sean! Do you think I took the midterm hoping I'd miscarry? You knew the risks.
You're not the only one who's lost a baby, Sean.
But I was the only one who wanted one.
You didn't even call me to take you to the hospital.
You asked that kid.
He was there, that was all.
The truth is, Julia, you didn't love me, us, enough to even try.
It was too much of a sacrifice.
I don't know where we're going, Sean.
But if you think that by having a child we can make all our real problems go away then maybe we are better off.
You're saying you're relieved? Aren't you, just a little? Or is it easier to live in denial and vilify me? It's the office.
Hello? Dr.
McNamara, I have a call for you.
It's Leigh Moriata.
Yes, put her through.
Miss Moriata, this is Dr.
McNamara.
Dr.
McNamara I'm calling you from my engagement party.
Congratulations.
I'm glad your mother was convinced.
She didn't buy it for a minute.
I don't understand.
But she could see that any guy who was willing to change his face to please his mother-in-law the man must really love me.
If I invite you to the wedding, would you come? Of course, if I can.
Thanks for telling me.
I'm very happy for you.