Now Apocalypse (2019) s01e05 Episode Script

1 - [moaning loudly.]
- Are you going to finish too? I need to go so I can get back to work.
SEVERINE: Previously on Now Apocalypse: I get it.
She's doing top-secret government work and shit.
That Barnabas dude seems ultra sketch.
I can't believe you read my script already.
I hope you're ready for it.
You have a very bright future ahead of you.
This is Mitchell Kent.
He's one of the leading experts of extraterrestrial life-forms in the country.
That's a good one! Mitchell Kent really knows what he's talking about.
Barnabas just invited us to this huge, kick-ass party in Palm Springs! CARLY: Oh my God, last time I was in Palm Springs was the year that giant sandstorm ate Coachella.
[grumbles.]
You went to Coachella? I've been dying to go.
I've never been.
FORD: Me either.
We should all go next year.
- When is it? - April, right after tax day.
I don't know though, I I really don't understand the whole hub-bub about Coachella.
I mean, it's just legions of sweaty, druggo hippies wearing tiny backpacks marching around a dustbowl.
It is hot as Satan's fucking taint.
Oh, and did I mention the sandstorm? Yeah, and, like, 200 awesome bands playing.
Yeah, uh, all at the exact same fucking time! Sounds fucking amazing.
Oh, and you have to wait like an hour in line to pee in an Andy Gump that smells like 500 people have taken a shit in it.
'Cause they have.
Dude, we should totally go.
I wish.
Tickets are like a 1000 bucks.
Well, maybe after Meet Your Makerhappens and I get a nice fat check.
[inaudible.]
Uh, I did go with these two girls dressed as slutty Pocahontases, though, so that might have ruined my experience.
I don't know, all I remember is, the whole time, they were arguing whether it's pronounced "Haim" or "Haiym".
Ooh that, and I had the most delicious banana pancakes of all time at Denny's at 2:00 a.
m.
What do you think, babe? You wanna try to do Coachella next year? Yeah, you wanna go to Coachella? What is a "Coachella"? Co Coachell Coachella, it's this like massive music festival with like 100,000 people dancing in the desert.
That sounds terrible.
Why on earth would I wanna go to something like that? [Ulysses sighs.]
Is only getting stronger I say something loving All my hesitations are fading ULYSSES: Holy shit! Oh my God.
Shit, dude, you gotta check out this swanktastic bathroom! How, how much do you think a place like this cost a night? Uh, more than plebeians like us can afford that's for sure.
And that Barnabas dude just lets Ford stay here - for free and bring us along? - Isn't he sucking his dick? No! That's what's so suspicious about the whole thing.
Well, I don't know.
Maybe Barnabas just really believes in Ford's screenwriting talent.
[both laugh.]
Oh God, I'm sorry! That was mean.
I didn't mean it.
This bed, though, is amazing.
I just feel so bad for Ford.
Not to mention, Severine is giving him the royal bitch treatment.
Yeah, I know! What is her problem? Literally, her personality is like nail polish remover.
She's stressed about work, I guess? Ford said she wasn't even gonna come, he had to guilt-trip her into it.
Well, she is French and drop dead gorgeous so, c'est la vie! [knocking.]
We have guests.
It's open! Hi, guys.
- [Ulysses laughs.]
- Hey, buddy! Oh, man, this room is so fucking sweet, man! Tha-thank you for bringing us along.
Ah, no prob.
So, uh, me and Severine are gonna go grab some lunch.
Oh! Okay, okay.
Uh, where is she? She's waiting in the car.
Huh.
Uh-huh.
I think we're we're just gonna maybe hang out here, maybe, uh, hit the pool.
Cool.
Ah We'll see you in a bit then.
Sounds great.
'Kay.
Lates.
[blows raspberry.]
You know what I think Ford's problem is? - Hmm? - He's, like, too nice.
It's kind of weird.
Yeah, he's one of those people who asks, "How are you?" And he actually means it.
That's so creepy.
Hey, pass me the sunscreen.
Thank you.
Oh my God, okay, I seriously feel like my whole life is turning into one giant ingrown hair at this point.
I want to kill myself.
Oh.
Hm? What? Boner alert twelve o'clock.
Wait, did Did he just wink at us? Nah, I think he just had some water in his eye.
No, I think he's uh, checking us out.
I wonder uh, which one of us he's into.
Maybe he's a polyamorous flexisexual who wants to recruit us both for some sort of culty cuddle party.
Okay, honestly, I just prefer when everyone was straight.
It made sex so much less confusing.
[laughs.]
When was that? Oh my God, I think he's coming over here.
No Shut up.
He's literally coming over here.
[Carly laughs.]
Hey there.
Hey.
You guys enjoying the pool? Totally.
It's a great view.
My impulse was to try to be aloof, to preserve a dynamic of excitement and nerves.
But I figured just saying hello would be easier.
[laughs.]
Bummer! 'Cause I only like guys who utilize manipulative dating strategies.
Well, I'm all out of luck then.
[Carly laughs.]
I'm Leif, by the way.
Carly.
Nice to meet you, Carly.
Likewise.
Well, I gotta get going, my, my friends are waiting.
But it was nice to meet you guys.
Really nice to meet you too.
[Carly laughs.]
What the fuck was that? A drive-by seduction? I feel like I just watched him impregnate you with his eyes.
Wait, am I in love with him? I'm in love with him for you.
But how could he just leave like that, after everything that we've been through? Maybe he saw your ingrown hair and was grossed out.
Okay, honestly, really sensitive subject for me.
Can you not joke about it? FORD: Do you want anything else? No, thank you.
Ooh, how about some dessert? I'm quite full.
You go ahead if you want.
[Ford sighs.]
CARLY: Why didn't I get his number? Fuck, I'm so lame! He was fine, just saying.
Do you think he had CP? - Huh? - Cerebral palsy.
Umm maybe.
Something was definitely up.
Did I ever tell you I once dated a disabled guy? Jethro.
Ha ha, no.
This guy in college, he had CP.
He was a meme poet.
A what? I know, but the sex was so hot, oh my God.
Well, what happens in PS I don't know.
It's probably for the best that nothing happened.
Like, Jethro is super fucking annoying and I do wanna strangle him half the time, but [sighs.]
after our big breakthrough the other night, I don't know, I guess I feel more connected to him.
What? Oh, hell fucking no.
That's the Mitchell Kent guy that I was telling you about.
And it's at a bookstore here in PS, this weekend! That's that's fate! Nah, fate is telling me to go back to the Jacobs and hit the spa.
Oh no no, please please please please please please please - please please please please - No, one bajillion percent not going to this shit, okay? Don't even try to convince me.
I will not be there.
I am absolutely not going to this, okay? I hate you.
It'll just take two minutes, I swear.
[ominous music.]
Oh my God.
It's like a club for nerds too tragic to get into Ren Fair.
Hey, hey, come on, come on.
Next.
Hi.
Can I help you? Uh, yeah um, I'm Ulysses, and uh, I just have a, a few re-really important questions that I wanted to ask you.
Are you gonna buy a book? Huh? Oh, I already have one, at home.
I, I, I di I didn't bring it.
Get lost.
- What? - Buy a fucking book or get lost! Hey, come on.
Dude, are you brain damaged? Get the fuck out of here before I punch you in the face! So, any of the rest of you losers gonna buy a goddamn book or what? Hey, I know you! How's it going, man? [loud rock music.]
[loud partying.]
Whoa! Everyone here looks like a movie star.
Or Rupert Murdoch.
Or one of Rupe's hooker ex-wives who spent her all her money on uh, bad plastic surgery.
Hey uh, are you Are you good? Yeah, yeah, I just wanna get my drink on.
I guess aliens really are for the tinfoil hat crowd after all.
Obvidently.
[BARNABAS.]
Ford! Holy shit! Barnabas! My man! So glad you made it! How's the Jacobs? Oh my God, dude, it's fucking bomb! Thank you so much for hooking us up.
No problem at all! Uh, so, this must be D'oh, ah, sorry.
[Ford laughs.]
Uh, yeah, this is my roommate and most amazing bud in the whole world, Ulysses, his BFF, Carly, and this is the one and only, the love of my life, Severine.
Fantastic to finally meet you.
You are even more breathtakingly beautiful than I ever imagined.
Thanks.
You are one very lucky guy, Ford.
Oh, I know, dude.
Well, you know, you all look incredibly stunning.
Go on, enjoy the festivities.
A night of magic and adventure awaits you! Thanks, man, you're the best! Yeah! Rad! [loud dance music.]
FORD: Dude, is this the life or what? Uh, yeah.
So, that's Barnabas? Yeah, isn't he rad? Yeah, he's just uh, not like I pictured.
I know! Dude's tall, right? Oh my God, dudes.
Score! Perfect.
It's fate.
FORD: Sweet! Uh, so Uly and me will grab the first round.
What would you lovely ladies like to drink? BOTH: Vodka soda.
- [Carly gasps.]
- [Ford laughs.]
Two vodka sodas, coming right up! [Ford claps.]
We'll be right back.
Run with me Through all cities So, this seems like a fun party, right? I despise parties.
Uh, so uh how are you and Ford? He's throwing a tantrum because I didn't want to come here.
So, why did you? He begged.
Naked.
Please come to Palm Springs.
Please, please, please, please! Please! Please! Please! Unfortunately, my will grows weak in the presence of beauty.
Well, whose doesn't? [Carly laughs.]
[Carly sighs.]
So uh, Uly told me you guys are trying out an open relationship? We were, but we recently took an unfortunate detour toward conventionality.
I seem to have difficulty with boundaries.
Been there.
[laughs.]
What about you? Do you have a boyfriend? I do.
Yup.
And do you ever get into arguments? Uh, only uh, when we're in the same room.
Or uh, um, talking on the phone or Texting.
Perhaps we should speak about something other than men.
Yeah, totally.
[laughs.]
I think right now we are completely flunking the Bechdel test.
What's that? Oh, passing the Bechdel test requires two women to have a conversation about something besides a man.
Well, that shouldn't be difficult.
Cock is certainly not the only thing I'm interested in.
Same here.
[Severine sighs.]
So, so wait, so is everything all right? With you and Sev, I mean? Ah, totally, bro.
I mean, look around.
This is like we're in paradise, right? Okay, I'm just, ya know, I'm just checking.
I'm good, dude.
I am.
Okay.
[Ford humming.]
Thank you.
Hey, Babe, uh, do you have to be working right now? As a matter of fact, I do.
There's been a development at the lab which I need to manage without delay.
[laughs.]
We're at a party.
I'm sorry, Ford, but my entire life doesn't suddenly stop because I'm within 50 feet of a DJ.
You know, I feel like judging random strangers.
I'm gonna do a lap.
I'll come with you.
Okay, let's go.
Let's go.
CARLY: She is French and gorgeous.
What's that mean? What, does that statement really need an explanation? Oh, merde.
It's fate.
- Hey.
- Hey.
[Carly laughs.]
I'm gonna go orbit.
Okay, bye.
Sev, come on, where are you going? I told you I have to get back to LA.
But it's like Really far away! I called a Lyft.
- What? Sev - I told you.
I could only come if I was finished with my work.
And Lars and Klaus just informed me of a matter which requires my urgent attention.
- Can it wait till Monday? - No, it can't.
Sev, I thought this weekend was gonna be our special getaway.
I know.
It was and I'm sorry.
It's not my intent to spoil your time here.
So, please, go ahead and enjoy yourself without me.
Sev, c Sev, wait! BARNABAS: Ford! Are you all right? Yeah.
LEIF: So what made you wanna be an actress? CARLY: Well, when I was younger I used to put on all these plays, and I found that I really enjoyed pretending to be other people.
So, I thought being an actor would mean never having to outgrow playing pretend.
[Leif laughs.]
Turns out, it's actually more like being a whore, except you don't get paid.
- Whoa, oh, okay.
- [both laugh.]
I'm I'm sorry, I don't mean to be all bitter party of one.
What about you? What do you do? I mainly make large-scale ceramic sculptures.
Some people may call them plant pots - but I I believe differently.
- [Carly laughs.]
That's actually one of mine, right there.
CARLY: Oh, it's - That's beautiful.
- My sculpture, or the Speedo guy? [Carly laughs.]
Your sculpture.
Yeah.
I'm I'm really impressed.
All the "artists" I know just uh take naked Instagram selfies.
[party-goer yells.]
It's It's getting a little hectic in here.
You you maybe wanna go for a walk? Sure.
Hey there.
Hey.
Wanna have a threeway? [Ulysses sighs.]
I'm gonna have to pass.
Thank you, though.
[sighs.]
Too bad.
[Ulysses sighs.]
- You want another? - Hm? - Drink? - Oh, uh, okay.
What're you having? It's a vodka soda.
Okay, coming right up.
So, is that why you're here tonight? 'Cause Thor collects your work? Yeah, him and a bunch of other Hollywood overlords.
I wonder sometimes whether they're only into my work because it looks cool to buy art made by the "special" guy.
I don't know, I say run with it.
It's better to be fetishized than poor, right? Aren't you the little capitalist.
[Carly laughs.]
I guess we're all whores in the end.
I've always thought being an artist sounds super intimidating.
It just takes so much confidence to create something that's ultimately nonessential.
So you think art is nonessential? No, I mean, like I [laughs.]
I don't think something has to be essential to be worthwhile.
Well, I think art, at its best, aims to be a transcendent experience.
It has the potential to be life changing.
Sorta like sex.
I'm sorry, am I being embarrassingly sincere? Uh, you wouldn't know it by my outfit, but I have a surprisingly high tolerance for sincerity.
[Carly laughs.]
[gentle music.]
Hey.
Hey.
[car honking.]
Maybe this isn't the best place to hang out.
- Yeah.
[laughs.]
- Come with me.
Look I know how important Sev's work is to her.
It's just It's just hard, you know, when I feel like my needs don't matter.
I'm sorry, Ford, it sounds terrible.
Like, I just want acknowledgement sometimes.
Why do I always feel like a second-class citizen in this relationship? Why am I treated like an afterthought? I know, Ford.
- You deserve better.
- I do! It's not right I tell you.
It's not fucking right! Are you okay? Uh Ford? Uh huh.
I, um I th I think maybe I need to lie down for a bit.
ULYSSES: Thanks.
Sure.
My name's Aja by the way.
Like the continent.
With a J.
My mom was super into Steely Dan.
Never mind.
No, I, I, I, I know who Steely Dan is.
I'm not a philistine.
Oh, you do? Okay.
So, uh, shouldn't you be working? Oh, I'm on a break soon.
Plus, fuck this job.
The only reason I'm here is because my ex works for the catering company and they needed servers who were hot and willing to wear these slutty outfits.
That, and I'm rolling.
Uh, are you from around here? Sadly, but not for long if I can help it.
You? Uh, LA.
Figures.
Why? [laughs.]
Guys I wanna fuck are always from LA.
Huh.
Well Uh, I guess that's flattering, but I'm uh, pretty much gay.
No kidding.
What do you mean? I don't wanna crush your male ego, but I knew you were gay the minute I saw you.
What? Really? But your dick's not so gay at the moment, now is it? You're sseems kinda Gay dudes are always super into me for some reason.
I can't imagine why.
[loud rock music.]
[Aja moaning.]
[sighs.]
You're so pretty.
God, you're so fucking pretty.
[heavy breathing.]
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
[exhales.]
What? Something wrong? No, I just um I, I, I don't-I don't know if this is a good idea.
If if this is a consent issue, I, I can sign something if you want.
No, it's um look I I am having so much fun with you, and you're so amazing, but um [Carly sighs.]
I have a boyfriend.
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry, I should've said something sooner.
If you have a boyfriend, then why are we here? I know, fuck.
Look, I'm sorry, it's just [exhales.]
I'm an idiot and I, I genuinely felt this connection with you and you're just so fucking hot.
God, I'm sorry.
Do you hate me? [Leif laughs.]
Hey.
It's okay.
[Leif laughs.]
You just relax now.
Thanks, dude.
You're the best, I mean it.
Whose bed is this? It's mine.
Well, for the weekend at least.
Oh! Oh, okay.
Cool.
[quiet unzipping.]
Shit.
That was fucking intense.
Yeah.
Well, thanks.
So, what? You're just gonna go back to work now? I guess.
Unless they fired me already.
[Ulysses laughs.]
Why, do you wanna cuddle or something? No.
Well it was cool of you to go down on me and everything.
Most gay guys don't.
So, you've uh, been with a lot of gay dudes, or Well, like I said, the gays really like me.
But for most of them, seeing a vag up close leaves them deeply traumatized.
Yeah, I feel kind of into it.
I think I get off on the power of being in control of another person's pleasure.
That's kinda hot.
Okay, ready? Huh? Come on, old man, let's go! [moaning.]
Oops.
Fuck.
Sorry.
[laughs.]
Aja, Aja, Aja, Aja, stop! [Aja laughing.]
Oh my God! Stop it! Aja, Aja! [door slamming.]
[Aja laughing.]
What's going on here? Ulysses, I was just gonna come find you.
Looks like our friend Ford had a little too much to drink.
Get away from him.
Get out! Leave now! - All right, all right.
- Go, I'll take it from here.
Oh, okay.
- Hey! - Is everything okay? Um, I I'm not sure.
Hey, buddy.
Okay.
- Bud, are you - See ya'.
Okay? Are you okay? Dude, where are we going? We're leaving.
- What, already? - Yeah, the party is over.
You suck.
Just just uh, just stay here, I'm gonna go find Carly.
Who's Carly? Just stay here.
Don't move.
- All right.
- You're do you understand me? - Do not move.
- Oh, okay, bossy.
Hey.
[soft scraping.]
[loud thud.]
[loud partying.]
[loud laughing.]
Oh, Jesus.
Run with me Through all cities Someday we'll be kings and queens Kings and queens Run with me Through all cities Someday we'll be kings and queens Kings and queens [dramatic music.]