Nowhere Boys (2013) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
Felix, get your father.
- How did it go at the doctor's? - What's your problem? Oscar can walk, but my family can't remember me.
Jake, son.
It's not just that we've been forgotten.
There are whole new lives.
Like a different version of the same reality.
- Mum! - I don't have a son.
Are you that nut job who came to my house yesterday? What are you doing talking to my girlfriend? Run, stalker! It was no storm.
I think there might be forces at play which we don't understand.
She was that creepy woman from the forest.
Where'd you get that from? - Adults only.
- The amulet picks you.
Hey, watch out! You just saved my life.
Season 1, Episode 5 It is so cool up here, Oscar.
You can see the whole of Bremin.
Just a little bit further.
- Come on, Oskie, what are you scared of? - I'm not "scared".
Felix! - Aah! - Oscar, no! My baby My baby My poor baby boy He's my baby This porridge is gross.
- Oh, poor baby - But it's not even cooked.
Harden up, Andy, porridge is the breakfast of champions.
Oh, a raw food movement, cool! - There's nothing left.
- You snooze, you lose.
- Thanks a lot, so-called friends.
- You're welcome, freak.
Will you stop calling me "freak"? No.
I thought freakiness was his thing.
- Do we have toilet paper? - Dude, we don't even have a toilet.
Hey, Oscar, just coming To see you.
You know When you run away from us Really hurts our feelings.
- Doesn't it, Dyl'? - Yeah.
Would you look at that The weirdo has a little toy.
P-please don't - Please don't break it.
It's a Valtirian.
- Come on, guys, just leave him alone.
You hear something, Dyl'? - Nup.
- Nup? It's what you get for being such a freak in front of us.
Don't call him a freak! - Get off! - Run, Oscar, run! Well, I think we can all agree that was unexpected Now, if youâll just excuse me This is a terrible idea.
We should be laying low.
No, no, no, no, we impress a few people, elevate our social status, and then it's "good bye scavenging".
People'll be lining up to invite us to dinner.
You know, speaking of jobs, we could try making some cash.
Way ahead of you, big man Hello, Bremin.
Prepare to fall in love with me.
Again.
Fascinating.
It's like he's the president of his own fan club.
___ ___ Jake First, I will lure them in.
Fearlessly acting as bait.
Then, when Trent and Dylan attack, the Trianite mothership will close in from behind and squash their heads! - And - Oscar! Oscar Just bringing back your thingy.
Before you appeared, I was number four on Trent's and Dylan's bully list and now I'm like two.
In front of Mike Parker.
He brings a stuffed unicorn to school.
A unicorn - But you needed help.
- I needed to be left alone.
Yeah, that was working out well for you.
Ah, just go away! And what if I don't? What if I stay here? Pitch at little Teepee and use his litter box as a toilet.
What if everybody hears about the freak in the front yard, and I tell them we're BFFs.
Only girls say "BFFs".
Then you'll be known as the friend of the girlie front yard freak.
And that'll make you Number one on the list.
I see you're well versed in the art of blackmail.
Yeah I also overheard you talking to yourself.
- I wasn't talking to myself.
- Then who were you talking to? His name Is Centaurus the Deadly.
Warrior outcast of the Sarax Tribe.
"Warrior outcast" Very Metal.
It's different to how I had it.
I mean, would have it.
Why is it that you wanna hang out with me so much? - It's weird.
- I think we could be a good team.
We're similar.
I don't see any similarities.
- You must really love that magazine.
- No I have to cut out the coupons.
Twenty equals one of the Valtirian cruisers that was obliterated today.
- Because of you.
- You know, if I helped We could get it done in half the time.
Oscar! Oscar? I know you're in there.
Can't people tell that I'm working here? Oh, the beast has left the swamp.
Look, this is serious.
My dog, Wikileaks, is missing.
Look, I'd love to help, I'd really would, but I I'm too busy, you know? Not caring.
- You - You remember me! You were with the guy from the bus.
- He saved my life.
- I can help you look for Wikileaks.
He's more likely to run if he sees You What did you say your friend's name was, again? I didn't.
It's Andy.
Andy Tell him "Ellen says hi".
- And I'm Felix.
- Yeah Sure.
More friends, Oscar Mr.
Popular! Mum please, go back in the house.
And she is not my friend.
- I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name.
- I'm Felix.
You have a lovely home, Mrs.
Ferne.
Thank you, Felix.
Sorry, must be hay fever.
Oh! I think I need antihistamines.
You know, you should come here more often, Felix.
Wouldn't it be wonderful, Oscar? I'm just ducking to the chemist.
Have fun, boys.
Blackmail and toadying You are formidable.
Hi How can I help you Uhm my Dad and I are moving here? Uhm, to Bremin, and he sent me in to have a look at some houses to rent.
- Your dad sent you here? - Yeah.
And did your dad send you round to my house, too? Oh, yeah, sorry, that was a That was a dare.
A friend of mine dared me.
A friend of yours dared you to go to a complete stranger and call her your mother.
Yep.
- Well, you have strange friends.
- Yeah, not by choice.
All right, so, what sort of property are we looking at? Uhm A proper house, something big - Mhm - View to the river With a big backyard You like the Bremin bandicoots! - I love the bandicoots, yes.
- I love the bandicoots, too I mean, I will, when I get here.
Obviously, I don't yet, because I'm new, but - I'm sure I will.
- It could be hard being new.
Especially when you miss people from back home.
All right, now, I've a few ideas, here, look.
- Are you okay? - No, my head is killing me.
- Ooh - You never get headaches.
No, I don't Oh, okay.
Do you want me to get you some painkillers? No, it's all right, I'll be fine.
You just stay here, I'll be back in a minute, all right? Thank you for the coupon assistance.
Now goodbye and have a Long and productive life.
What You gonna give me a gold star and send me on my way? Oscar We have to go inside.
Now.
- Yes, we do.
- Run! Things like this keep happening.
Weird weather, creepy things that go bang in the night Now, crazy bees! Be gone! Behold, the repelling power of the crystals! You think I'm insane, don't you There are 23 different alien species living among us right now.
Communicating via telepathy.
Maybe you're one of them.
The bees can tell.
- We have to get help.
- "We"? You have to get help.
- I'm gonna stay here, make a sandwich.
- You want to be stuck here with them? What if they get in here? Can you imagine what it'd be like to be killed by ten thousand bee stings? Excruciating.
Lucky my Mum is mental about insects.
Apparently, these are much better at protecting us from bees.
- You got any more? - Yeah Okay.
The enemy are out the front.
So we need to take the secret escape route.
Through the neighbourâs yard.
How do you know about the secret escape route? Whoa, telepathy! All righty, give generously to a skater in need.
I'll be here all day.
Okay? Hey, don't forget.
I do requests.
Anyone? It was him.
He broke into our house.
- I thought it was a mate's place.
- Ow, come on! There was a break and enter at Bremin High last weekend.
- You know anything about that? - No.
- You from around here? - No.
- So what are you doing here? - Holiday.
- In Bremin - Yes.
No skating on the footpath.
Let that be your first and final warning, okay? You skate like a gimp.
Great.
Quite an entrance Who are you trying to scam today? - Useless.
- I could have told you that.
- I need the book.
- The book you stole from my store room? I borrowed it! For half a minute.
I-I think he's an alien.
He's got telepathy.
Really? - What am I thinking? - You're thinking I hate teenage boys and I wish they would stop coming into my shop.
Close enough.
Are you Andy? My mission was to deliver this.
- What is that? - Lavender? "U plus M to the power of e equals heart symbol"? - What's "M to the power of e"? - It's "You plus me equals love".
But not as in me.
- Who's it from? - That's a secret.
This is the second strangest thing that's ever happened to me.
You sure you didn't just Disturb their hive? No.
They chased us into the house, and then, here.
And before that, there was this strange, hellish storm.
- Hmm.
Elemental attacks.
- What are they? Earth, Fire, Water and Air are the building blocks of everything that we know, and for some reason, they appear hell-bent on ruining your day.
Most of the people that come into my shop are after scented candles and Dolphin statues, but you're different, Felix.
Are you the real thing? Will you help me if I am? Then, yes.
This is very special.
It can protect against elemental attacks.
- What is that? - It's her Book of Shadows.
It's where she keeps her spells.
Here it is.
This is the spell to activate the talisman.
- You do the next part.
- Why me? I need to make sure you're for real.
Seal the circle.
Divinity of the Elements I summon Thee.
Earth Water Air Fire.
Within this stone, I invoke Ye place your greatest strength, your kindest grace.
And while this stone remains at hand Thou shalt be safe throughout this land.
Behold, the Elemental Talisman.
- Well, that was disappointing.
- And painful! You failed the test.
I want my talisman back.
But I was just doing what you told me to do.
Maybe they're alien bees.
That's why they're immune to your magic.
- Maybe you're right.
- I am? If what's attacking us comes from another world, then we need to use Elements from another world! And where do we get Elements from another world? I have an idea.
Why are you giving me this? I've never been admired before.
Except by my parents, but That's compulsory.
Uh, I need some advice.
What's the full state of obligation? You know, the more you talk, the less I understand? You still here Sarah's a bit under the weather, mate.
- It's okay.
I can wait.
- She's gone home for the day, mate.
Come on, let's go get Sam.
I'll be back tomorrow.
If you make that, you can keep the board you stole off me.
It's my board, anyway.
Suck it, haters! I am Bremin's Tony Hawk.
The greatest of all time.
"First and last warning", remember? I'll be taking that board.
You know what would make me happy? If I never saw your face again.
Enjoy the rest of your holiday.
- That cop He's my Dad! - I had no idea.
But he shouldn't be.
A cop.
- Not in the real world.
- What is he, then? - He's the world's biggest loser.
- As in "fat"? As in "loser".
You know the strangest thing about this experience? - How much you're loving it? - We don't exist here.
And our non-existence has changed this world.
Take your family, Sam.
You were never born.
But a few months later, your parents had another son.
And they gave him the same name.
- Sammy.
- Okay? 'Pcch!' - That's the sound of my mind blowing.
- And the two of you are so alike.
Hey, I'm nothing like that twisted gimp.
- Well, he is better looking.
- What?! And you, Jake, in the old world, your mother was single.
And your father was a loser.
- Your words.
- And your point is? But in this world Your mother is married.
With a great job.
And your father is an officer of the law.
Right, so by being born, I ruined both my parents' lives, yeah? - I didn't mean it to sound like it did.
- You mean, like the truth? Good one, Andy.
"Open mouth, change feet.
" - This is where you live? - Well, you live in a magic shop.
Shall I come in? I think it's gonna be hard enough to explain Oscar.
Don't bother talking about magic with them.
- Why, aren't they aliens too? - Yeah, from the Planet Cretin.
So what's our plan? Find our Elements.
Let's start by running? - What's he doing here? - That doesn't matter right now.
So what does he know? Do we have to kill him? I know that you're aliens, and there's a swarm of killer alien bees right outside that door.
Yeah, right - Aah! Aah! - Guys! Wait! CFCs are terrible for the environment.
Oh, it's okay, these're organic.
They're coming in through the gaps! So, what do we do next? Throughout history, human beings have been associated with the Elements.
Jake, there's a hole over here.
We need something to fill it, a shoe! - Use your own! - Too small! Throw me one of yours.
Jake - practical, stubborn, brutish - Earth.
So, the other boys are the other Elements! I hope.
Andy - fluid thinker, kind of wet - Water.
Perimeter breach! Here, here Snot.
Gross Okay.
That leaves selfish, superficial, head in the clouds - Sam.
Air.
We just have to catch his breath.
This is it! The championship quarter! Prepare for war! Who let rip? I hope that's not the last thing I ever smell! Divinity of the Elements Earth, Water, Air, Fire.
I invoke Thee.
Where's Where's Felix? Coming out to collect your Most Useless Chicken Award? - D minus for participation, freak.
- You seemed to have it under control You just left.
What are you talking about? Felix's magic spell saved us.
Oscar, he hid under the desk.
See what I mean? Cretins.
Presenting The Elemental Talisman.
- It doesn't feel any different.
- Trust me.
This is real magic.
You know You should come over more often.
- Really? - Yeah.
I think we make a good team.
So do I.
- How did it go at the doctor's? - What's your problem? Oscar can walk, but my family can't remember me.
Jake, son.
It's not just that we've been forgotten.
There are whole new lives.
Like a different version of the same reality.
- Mum! - I don't have a son.
Are you that nut job who came to my house yesterday? What are you doing talking to my girlfriend? Run, stalker! It was no storm.
I think there might be forces at play which we don't understand.
She was that creepy woman from the forest.
Where'd you get that from? - Adults only.
- The amulet picks you.
Hey, watch out! You just saved my life.
Season 1, Episode 5 It is so cool up here, Oscar.
You can see the whole of Bremin.
Just a little bit further.
- Come on, Oskie, what are you scared of? - I'm not "scared".
Felix! - Aah! - Oscar, no! My baby My baby My poor baby boy He's my baby This porridge is gross.
- Oh, poor baby - But it's not even cooked.
Harden up, Andy, porridge is the breakfast of champions.
Oh, a raw food movement, cool! - There's nothing left.
- You snooze, you lose.
- Thanks a lot, so-called friends.
- You're welcome, freak.
Will you stop calling me "freak"? No.
I thought freakiness was his thing.
- Do we have toilet paper? - Dude, we don't even have a toilet.
Hey, Oscar, just coming To see you.
You know When you run away from us Really hurts our feelings.
- Doesn't it, Dyl'? - Yeah.
Would you look at that The weirdo has a little toy.
P-please don't - Please don't break it.
It's a Valtirian.
- Come on, guys, just leave him alone.
You hear something, Dyl'? - Nup.
- Nup? It's what you get for being such a freak in front of us.
Don't call him a freak! - Get off! - Run, Oscar, run! Well, I think we can all agree that was unexpected Now, if youâll just excuse me This is a terrible idea.
We should be laying low.
No, no, no, no, we impress a few people, elevate our social status, and then it's "good bye scavenging".
People'll be lining up to invite us to dinner.
You know, speaking of jobs, we could try making some cash.
Way ahead of you, big man Hello, Bremin.
Prepare to fall in love with me.
Again.
Fascinating.
It's like he's the president of his own fan club.
___ ___ Jake First, I will lure them in.
Fearlessly acting as bait.
Then, when Trent and Dylan attack, the Trianite mothership will close in from behind and squash their heads! - And - Oscar! Oscar Just bringing back your thingy.
Before you appeared, I was number four on Trent's and Dylan's bully list and now I'm like two.
In front of Mike Parker.
He brings a stuffed unicorn to school.
A unicorn - But you needed help.
- I needed to be left alone.
Yeah, that was working out well for you.
Ah, just go away! And what if I don't? What if I stay here? Pitch at little Teepee and use his litter box as a toilet.
What if everybody hears about the freak in the front yard, and I tell them we're BFFs.
Only girls say "BFFs".
Then you'll be known as the friend of the girlie front yard freak.
And that'll make you Number one on the list.
I see you're well versed in the art of blackmail.
Yeah I also overheard you talking to yourself.
- I wasn't talking to myself.
- Then who were you talking to? His name Is Centaurus the Deadly.
Warrior outcast of the Sarax Tribe.
"Warrior outcast" Very Metal.
It's different to how I had it.
I mean, would have it.
Why is it that you wanna hang out with me so much? - It's weird.
- I think we could be a good team.
We're similar.
I don't see any similarities.
- You must really love that magazine.
- No I have to cut out the coupons.
Twenty equals one of the Valtirian cruisers that was obliterated today.
- Because of you.
- You know, if I helped We could get it done in half the time.
Oscar! Oscar? I know you're in there.
Can't people tell that I'm working here? Oh, the beast has left the swamp.
Look, this is serious.
My dog, Wikileaks, is missing.
Look, I'd love to help, I'd really would, but I I'm too busy, you know? Not caring.
- You - You remember me! You were with the guy from the bus.
- He saved my life.
- I can help you look for Wikileaks.
He's more likely to run if he sees You What did you say your friend's name was, again? I didn't.
It's Andy.
Andy Tell him "Ellen says hi".
- And I'm Felix.
- Yeah Sure.
More friends, Oscar Mr.
Popular! Mum please, go back in the house.
And she is not my friend.
- I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name.
- I'm Felix.
You have a lovely home, Mrs.
Ferne.
Thank you, Felix.
Sorry, must be hay fever.
Oh! I think I need antihistamines.
You know, you should come here more often, Felix.
Wouldn't it be wonderful, Oscar? I'm just ducking to the chemist.
Have fun, boys.
Blackmail and toadying You are formidable.
Hi How can I help you Uhm my Dad and I are moving here? Uhm, to Bremin, and he sent me in to have a look at some houses to rent.
- Your dad sent you here? - Yeah.
And did your dad send you round to my house, too? Oh, yeah, sorry, that was a That was a dare.
A friend of mine dared me.
A friend of yours dared you to go to a complete stranger and call her your mother.
Yep.
- Well, you have strange friends.
- Yeah, not by choice.
All right, so, what sort of property are we looking at? Uhm A proper house, something big - Mhm - View to the river With a big backyard You like the Bremin bandicoots! - I love the bandicoots, yes.
- I love the bandicoots, too I mean, I will, when I get here.
Obviously, I don't yet, because I'm new, but - I'm sure I will.
- It could be hard being new.
Especially when you miss people from back home.
All right, now, I've a few ideas, here, look.
- Are you okay? - No, my head is killing me.
- Ooh - You never get headaches.
No, I don't Oh, okay.
Do you want me to get you some painkillers? No, it's all right, I'll be fine.
You just stay here, I'll be back in a minute, all right? Thank you for the coupon assistance.
Now goodbye and have a Long and productive life.
What You gonna give me a gold star and send me on my way? Oscar We have to go inside.
Now.
- Yes, we do.
- Run! Things like this keep happening.
Weird weather, creepy things that go bang in the night Now, crazy bees! Be gone! Behold, the repelling power of the crystals! You think I'm insane, don't you There are 23 different alien species living among us right now.
Communicating via telepathy.
Maybe you're one of them.
The bees can tell.
- We have to get help.
- "We"? You have to get help.
- I'm gonna stay here, make a sandwich.
- You want to be stuck here with them? What if they get in here? Can you imagine what it'd be like to be killed by ten thousand bee stings? Excruciating.
Lucky my Mum is mental about insects.
Apparently, these are much better at protecting us from bees.
- You got any more? - Yeah Okay.
The enemy are out the front.
So we need to take the secret escape route.
Through the neighbourâs yard.
How do you know about the secret escape route? Whoa, telepathy! All righty, give generously to a skater in need.
I'll be here all day.
Okay? Hey, don't forget.
I do requests.
Anyone? It was him.
He broke into our house.
- I thought it was a mate's place.
- Ow, come on! There was a break and enter at Bremin High last weekend.
- You know anything about that? - No.
- You from around here? - No.
- So what are you doing here? - Holiday.
- In Bremin - Yes.
No skating on the footpath.
Let that be your first and final warning, okay? You skate like a gimp.
Great.
Quite an entrance Who are you trying to scam today? - Useless.
- I could have told you that.
- I need the book.
- The book you stole from my store room? I borrowed it! For half a minute.
I-I think he's an alien.
He's got telepathy.
Really? - What am I thinking? - You're thinking I hate teenage boys and I wish they would stop coming into my shop.
Close enough.
Are you Andy? My mission was to deliver this.
- What is that? - Lavender? "U plus M to the power of e equals heart symbol"? - What's "M to the power of e"? - It's "You plus me equals love".
But not as in me.
- Who's it from? - That's a secret.
This is the second strangest thing that's ever happened to me.
You sure you didn't just Disturb their hive? No.
They chased us into the house, and then, here.
And before that, there was this strange, hellish storm.
- Hmm.
Elemental attacks.
- What are they? Earth, Fire, Water and Air are the building blocks of everything that we know, and for some reason, they appear hell-bent on ruining your day.
Most of the people that come into my shop are after scented candles and Dolphin statues, but you're different, Felix.
Are you the real thing? Will you help me if I am? Then, yes.
This is very special.
It can protect against elemental attacks.
- What is that? - It's her Book of Shadows.
It's where she keeps her spells.
Here it is.
This is the spell to activate the talisman.
- You do the next part.
- Why me? I need to make sure you're for real.
Seal the circle.
Divinity of the Elements I summon Thee.
Earth Water Air Fire.
Within this stone, I invoke Ye place your greatest strength, your kindest grace.
And while this stone remains at hand Thou shalt be safe throughout this land.
Behold, the Elemental Talisman.
- Well, that was disappointing.
- And painful! You failed the test.
I want my talisman back.
But I was just doing what you told me to do.
Maybe they're alien bees.
That's why they're immune to your magic.
- Maybe you're right.
- I am? If what's attacking us comes from another world, then we need to use Elements from another world! And where do we get Elements from another world? I have an idea.
Why are you giving me this? I've never been admired before.
Except by my parents, but That's compulsory.
Uh, I need some advice.
What's the full state of obligation? You know, the more you talk, the less I understand? You still here Sarah's a bit under the weather, mate.
- It's okay.
I can wait.
- She's gone home for the day, mate.
Come on, let's go get Sam.
I'll be back tomorrow.
If you make that, you can keep the board you stole off me.
It's my board, anyway.
Suck it, haters! I am Bremin's Tony Hawk.
The greatest of all time.
"First and last warning", remember? I'll be taking that board.
You know what would make me happy? If I never saw your face again.
Enjoy the rest of your holiday.
- That cop He's my Dad! - I had no idea.
But he shouldn't be.
A cop.
- Not in the real world.
- What is he, then? - He's the world's biggest loser.
- As in "fat"? As in "loser".
You know the strangest thing about this experience? - How much you're loving it? - We don't exist here.
And our non-existence has changed this world.
Take your family, Sam.
You were never born.
But a few months later, your parents had another son.
And they gave him the same name.
- Sammy.
- Okay? 'Pcch!' - That's the sound of my mind blowing.
- And the two of you are so alike.
Hey, I'm nothing like that twisted gimp.
- Well, he is better looking.
- What?! And you, Jake, in the old world, your mother was single.
And your father was a loser.
- Your words.
- And your point is? But in this world Your mother is married.
With a great job.
And your father is an officer of the law.
Right, so by being born, I ruined both my parents' lives, yeah? - I didn't mean it to sound like it did.
- You mean, like the truth? Good one, Andy.
"Open mouth, change feet.
" - This is where you live? - Well, you live in a magic shop.
Shall I come in? I think it's gonna be hard enough to explain Oscar.
Don't bother talking about magic with them.
- Why, aren't they aliens too? - Yeah, from the Planet Cretin.
So what's our plan? Find our Elements.
Let's start by running? - What's he doing here? - That doesn't matter right now.
So what does he know? Do we have to kill him? I know that you're aliens, and there's a swarm of killer alien bees right outside that door.
Yeah, right - Aah! Aah! - Guys! Wait! CFCs are terrible for the environment.
Oh, it's okay, these're organic.
They're coming in through the gaps! So, what do we do next? Throughout history, human beings have been associated with the Elements.
Jake, there's a hole over here.
We need something to fill it, a shoe! - Use your own! - Too small! Throw me one of yours.
Jake - practical, stubborn, brutish - Earth.
So, the other boys are the other Elements! I hope.
Andy - fluid thinker, kind of wet - Water.
Perimeter breach! Here, here Snot.
Gross Okay.
That leaves selfish, superficial, head in the clouds - Sam.
Air.
We just have to catch his breath.
This is it! The championship quarter! Prepare for war! Who let rip? I hope that's not the last thing I ever smell! Divinity of the Elements Earth, Water, Air, Fire.
I invoke Thee.
Where's Where's Felix? Coming out to collect your Most Useless Chicken Award? - D minus for participation, freak.
- You seemed to have it under control You just left.
What are you talking about? Felix's magic spell saved us.
Oscar, he hid under the desk.
See what I mean? Cretins.
Presenting The Elemental Talisman.
- It doesn't feel any different.
- Trust me.
This is real magic.
You know You should come over more often.
- Really? - Yeah.
I think we make a good team.
So do I.