Operation Good Guys (1997) s01e05 Episode Script

You think you know what pressure is? I'm the one who knows what pressure is! I get it all the time! I'm getting nothing from you! - Hear, hear, sir.
- Shut your mouth! Leyton, I want to know where all this bloody money has gone.
What's that? What's happened now? Cutbacks, sir.
Can't afford the electric.
Oh, no! # The Good Guys! # Gentlemen, Kim, you've probably gathered by now that we are going to make some cutbacks.
It's nothing drastic.
It's not going to affect the nature of the operation, but it is necessary to maximise the cash available to us in the best possible way, so we have to implement some cutbacks that Roy is going to explain to us now.
I've thought about our power problem and have an immediate solution - short-term, but immediate.
Candles.
Let's bring back into focus what this is about - to put away Smiler McCarthy, crime lord extraordinaire.
We don't need money.
We've got a strong leader, we've got courage and determination.
Thank you.
I don't think we've ever been, or the Force has been, in this position where we have a witness that is so special and he's so big that he wants to go on live television and blow the top off the McCarthy empire.
I welcome it.
Great way to do it, sending shockwaves through the London underworld, but for him to do that, we have to have a cloak of invisibility surrounding him.
I would love to tell you who this man is, but I can't for obvious reasons.
Em But we have to operate in a very, very covert way.
In fact, J Edgar Hoover, the great J Edgar Hoover, told us that true secrecy is best maintained by a very, very low profile.
Right, let's go! Come on.
OK.
Come on, Ray! What are you doing with that? Don't be silly! What are the neighbours going to (BLEEP) think? This is ridiculous! No one cares.
Who cares? It's madness.
What's happening? Come on! - Sir! - Oh! What the?! Get in! Quick! That's it.
- Right, go! (BLEEP) - Go! Go! Go! British safe houses are probably, I would say certainly, the best safe houses in the world.
Let me explain.
It's where we put a protected witness.
A normal house, like you or I might live in, but nobody would know they're there.
(RADIO ) We see you approaching now.
Stand by.
We're coming in.
Right! Go! (APPLAUSE) # For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow # What's going on? What's going on 'ere? - Get inside! - What's going on? Would you mind my stones there? Unfortunately, we can't use a typical safe house in this instance because our money has been spent in other directions, but we have got Kim, one of my operatives - Boo-Boo as she's otherwise known - has given us her house to use as accommodation, as a safe house for this witness.
- It's Frankie! - Frankie who? - It's Frankie Vaughan! - It's not Frankie Vaughan! Come here.
Take that bloody thing off.
- There you go.
- You've ruined my hair! Sorry.
Could someone get a comb? - Comb! A comb for Frankie.
- I've got a hairbrush.
Get a hairbrush.
A hairbrush will do.
I did want to be in the Fire Brigade, but I was too short.
See you don't get the wax on the cake.
- Who's the guy in the other room? - Frankie Vaughan.
Look, shut up.
And sit down.
Both of you.
What's going on? It's a safe house we've brought you to.
Safe house? Do you want to take the piss out of us? - I-I - What went on when I arrived here? - Now, come on.
- Don't worry about that at all.
- That's not your worry, Frankie.
- I don't worry about anything.
- No one would have noticed anything.
- Are you trying to be funny? No.
Not at all.
I ain't happy with what you've done here.
I understand, but I'm trying to assure A camera.
What are you doing with this? You have my personal guarantee that your face will be pixelated.
Pixelated? Get him out of it! - You can squint and see.
- What's he talking about? No, Ray, you can't tell.
It's all blocks.
Look, everyone knows who I am.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, guv, but would you like a cup of tea? Sorry, Mr Vaughan, would you like one? - On your bike.
- Gary, get out.
I've got you the brush that you wanted.
- Frank, it's lovely to meet you.
- Get out of it.
What? None of that nonsense, shaking hands.
Just trying to be friendly.
You're from London originally, are you? - Yeah, I am.
Why? - What part? Never mind about what part.
You mind your own business.
Because of the cutbacks, I've taken out all the phones.
- It's a coin box.
- You will have change? - No, people have to pay for their calls.
- There's just one phone? - How many DIY programmes are there? - Oi! Get your boots off of my chair! Look at this! What do you think these coasters are for? - It's not wet.
- I brought these tables from Portugal! - Boo-Boo, your remote's iffy.
- I'm watching! You keep changing it! - Sorry, Frank.
It's the remote.
- Drop it out.
- Your feet are back on the settee! - They're clean.
I've got my shoes off.
- That's Boo-Boo.
- I'm a police officer, too.
- It'll cut down the personal calls.
- It's a good idea.
It's just Hang on.
- Where's mine? - That was the first one to go.
It had the highest bills.
- The price of property nowadays - Where do you live, then? Well, I live in Central London, but I move about.
I'm undercover, so I'm moving from place to place.
I don't stay in one place for any one time, really.
No chance of bumping into you, then.
Well, you might do.
You never know.
I'm out and about.
If you do, Frank, don't say nothing.
Mum's the word.
- Mark, we're waiting here! - Is this a business call? I'm next, Bones.
I was here before you.
(MARK) All right, mate.
See you later.
- (PHONE RINGS) - Oh, (BLEEP) hell! Hello? Emyeah, I'll just see.
Is Gary here? It's his wife on the phone.
Is that my wife? I'm not here! No, I'm terribly sorry.
He's not here.
There's a lot of hanging about.
Em, sorry.
Frank? Any chance to get a photograph? - Yeah, OK.
- Is that all right? I'll get a camera.
- Strings'll take it.
- You don't mind? Come in.
Just want to introduce you.
This is my dad.
Dad, this is Frank.
- What are you doing? - My sister Clarissa.
And my cousin.
- No one's supposed to know I'm here! - Do that.
We can get that as well.
- What are you doing? - Stand there, Dad.
Get us all in.
- Is it an aim and fire? - No one's supposed to know I'm here! Come in.
Come in.
Everyone in.
Big smile.
- He's a great fan of yours.
- Everybody say, "Cheese!" - Lovely.
- You got that as well, lads? Stand here.
When we've got that, that's for ever.
- What's going on? - That's a surveillance camera.
- It's rolling, innit? - I'll get in an' all.
- After three.
One, two, three, cheers! - Cheers! Stay still! Put that weapon down! - I'm attending my roses.
- Police! Put the weapon down! On the floor! I don't mind having Frankie here, but why all the team? Feet up all over me furniture! And you! You left a log in the toilet the size of a small bottle! What did you eat last night? Well, I tried to break it up, but - What did you use? - You ain't even got any soap up there.
I'd to wash my hands with Listerine.
Sandwich, Frank? - Disgusting! - Put it back down there! Your hands were down the karzy, filthy bastard, and you're making a sandwich! - You trying to insult me? - I washed 'em.
Down the karzy, fiddling about with macaroni?! Get out of it! Well done, Bones.
Upset him.
Everyone's having a moan about the power, but they've got to get on with it.
It's rock 'n' roll.
I remember in Berlin once - (PHONE RINGS) - Excuse me.
Hello? No.
No, it's Strings.
Hold on.
Gary? Gal! It's your wife, mate.
How did she get my number? Let me do it again.
No idea? Let me do it again for you.
Name that tune! - I don't know! - Leyton's taken the bloody screen! (BLEEP) - I honestly didn't - Name that tune (!) - Screens are gone.
- I had to sell them.
That was my personal computer.
- They're over in Shepherd's Bush.
- Shut it.
I brought that from home.
- That was my personal property.
- I didn't know.
- You sold it? - Yeah.
To the DHSS.
- You can't just come in people's offices.
- If I say, "Take a seat," you'd sell it! - Why aren't you wearing a bloody tie? - I didn't know What do you think this is? Butlin's? - I'm not a policeman.
- He's wearing a tie.
- He's a policeman! I'm a civilian! - They can dress down.
Accountant (!) Accountants wear ties! Probably gonna sell our bloody clothes! I think you're getting a bit hysterical.
Don't say that.
You sold his computer.
Don't say he's getting hysterical.
- Look at all the others! - I want it back today.
You want to talk about it? I dunno.
I just I guess I regret getting married, you know what I mean? It's just pointless.
When I married her "Till death do us part.
" You know? And I feel dead.
This is a lovely day.
I've got everything in place now.
I've got a star witness, I have his confession and I have the power of TV.
Frankie will make a live confession to bring down the McCarthy empire.
Live.
I don't understand the problem.
This is a God-given opportunity to blow the top on the underworld of London.
You're asking me to go live on BBC1.
Have you seen "Neighbourhood Watch"? - It guarantees 8-10 million viewers.
- I'm a great contributor to it.
This is unique.
It's big.
We're going to blow the top on Smiler McCarthy's empire.
That's gotta be good.
It's very important we get the power running for Friday night's broadcast.
As usual, D.
I.
Beach has come up with a solution.
He's kindly loaned us a generator from his mother's caravan.
So I'll get this baby up and running and we'll be all guns a-blazing.
You don't know this circuit breaker? I pressed this down.
It didn't seem to - See that switch? On.
Off.
You want on.
- Yeah, but I tried it.
- Sex? - What? He's involved in that sort of thing.
Will there be any molls, I think the word is? Undercover dolls? You know.
- Girls - Everything.
All that.
And what we need to do is, from your point of view, we have a silhouette.
- It's got to have something enigmatic.
- He's British? Yeah, he's British.
He's London.
We were really hoping for a Colombian.
You've got to pull that quite hard.
I've been pulling it for ages! I am! - (ENGINE SPLUTTERS) - I've pulled my muscle now.
- Have you ever tried meditation, Frank? - No.
I find it's a good way to relax.
I've been training for years to be a Flying Siddhu, which means I can fly.
Astral travel.
I'll show you what I do.
I have tolet the Get totally relaxed.
The spirit leaves through the head.
And you chant.
Jah guru .
.
deva om! If I carried on, my spirit would leave my body and I could travel round the world.
I prefer my way of freeing the spirit.
- What's that? - I kill 'em.
- Does he have a moustache? - No.
You won't see that anyway.
The whole point of this is that things might happen abroad, in Colombia, but they're happening right here on our own bloody doorstep.
It's an opportunity to put this guy away.
- Bang to rights.
- So, so We could have him in the studio, coming down the stairs in front of the audience.
Music, maybe something from "Reservoir Dogs".
- Em, and - Well, you can't have a spotlight on him.
Whatever it takes, but no light on him.
- We can't see him? - He's a protected witness.
- Where's our guns? - I had to sell 'em.
The British Army bought them.
We needed the money.
Couldn't afford them.
How are we supposed to be an Armed Response Team without guns? I don't know.
Can't you think of something? No, we can't! This is what we're trained in.
With guns.
- Who do you think I am? - We all know who you are, Mr Vaughan! - Mr who? - Frankie Vaughan, son.
"Give Me the Moonlight" and I am not Frankie Vaughan.
I'm Frankie Fraser.
- You've taken a new ID.
- I'm Frankie Fraser! Frankie Fraser to me, but I know! You can tell me.
- What if someone else has got a gun? - Beat them up.
What if they've got guns? Roy, you have to sort this out.
You can't dictate policy.
You dictate it, the guv'nor does - it's our lives.
The guv'nor told me to save money.
- It was those and the computers.
- He's having a laugh! They're only tools.
A craftsman always blames his tools, that's what I say.
- Roy? - What? You haven't got a clue, mate.
Waste of time (!) (ROY) Thanks for talking about it (!) I appreciate you coming in.
# Give me the moonlight # Give me the girl.
# And let the rest of the world go by! # - On the floor! - It's only a pizza! - I don't care! Don't squeal! - Bones! It's a pizza guy! What are you doing? It's my pizza.
I ordered it.
- Sorry, Frank.
- The grub here is (BLEEP) crap! - That bit - Stick it! Stick it! Don't want it now.
- Don't want it.
- Sorry, Frank.
You've done it again, ain't you? With food, I'm spotless.
Very clean.
If I have a weakness in life, maybe that's it.
I'm spotless.
Very clean.
And, God stone me, could you get more (BLEEP) idiots? And I really like a pizza an' all, but I don't think I'd ever want another one again after that.
Ever.
They come like thieves in the night, assassins.
They should pass a law to make pizza people not wear helmets.
Apart from all that, it could be poison.
How do I know? - Frankie, this is Ollie Picton-Jones.
- Hello, Frankie.
- She'll help with the wardrobe.
- This sort of thing.
- A nice sharp single-breasted.
- That's all right.
Double flaps, quite sharp.
We've got a three-piece here, if you fancy that.
That's a bit "Crime Monthly".
It's a bit LWT, that.
- I like the red.
- What about the red? - That brings out his eyes.
- Yeah? I like the red, too.
In silhouette, they'll see that.
- Something softer? - To break up the silhouette.
Yeah.
(BEACH) I think to really have some mystery to the whole thing, we could use a dress.
- A dress? A dress would be good.
- Hold on.
What are you talking about? - It's only so - That's out.
No way.
No way! No dress! Or no deal.
The only thing we've got to consider is that television - Clive will bear me out - it needs a certain sort of joosh and oomph to it.
I (BLEEP) told you! No dress! Drop it out.
(ENGINE SPLUTTERS) This is what we're supposed to be doing.
See that? - (TOY GUN WHIRRS) - Paint 'em and they look real.
Look.
- They do make us look big, though! - Yeah! Anti-terrorist! (TELEPHONE RINGS) (MARK) Hello? ErGary? Em, he's not about actually, at the moment.
Er It's Mark.
Want me to leave a message for him? Well, to be honest, he'she's sort of in this house, but it's classified.
Come on! Come on! (BLEEP) (REPEATED BLEEPS) - Paint the end at least black.
- Yeah.
Can't have a red knob.
Paint the red knob.
Right, look.
It's 14 Bridle Street, London, N7 8RN.
But don't say nothing, honestly.
Just as a favour, it ain't from me, all right? All right.
See you.
- This is Matthew Wright from the "Mirror".
- Hello, Frankie.
- What is this? Hold on.
- Matthew's a friend.
- You're not pulling my leg? - No.
- The "Daily Mirror"? - Yeah.
Britain's finest.
Are you mad? That's a newspaper.
It's going to be in all the news.
Frank, there's nothing to worry about.
One of the biggest-selling newspapers and you've got him round? Ever known a reporter not to tell a story? - No, no, it's not like that at all.
- We've known each other how long? - About 10 years.
- I don't care.
What are you doing to us? - We've got a TV programme - How can I trust you? Him especially? Can we get something going here? - A small interview.
- What about a different angle? This can go out after the show.
You might be able to help the situation.
A good headline? "Frankie threatens dental work on top copper!" Something like that.
No, not anything like that.
It's not - It's a good story.
- You can put that in.
- Frankie's all right.
- Come on.
He won't actually hurt you.
I don't want him to know I'm here, but now he knows.
No, please What the hell's that, Gary? What have you got on? I've been trying to call you.
It's Frankie Vaughan! He's a singer! I don't care if he's the bloody Three Degrees! Now, piss off! - I don't understand, Frankie - Gary, Gary, Gary.
- Gary, she's a nice girl.
- I am a nice girl, Frankie.
(WHISTLING) Morning! Rise and shine! - Nice cup of Rosie.
- Morning? Safe house? Crap house! Frankie, I've got sugar lumps, rather than granulated.
What's going on? What are you dressed up like that for? - The suit's just back from the cleaner's.
- Freak! There we go.
One, two.
Please get that freak dress off you! There we go, Frankie.
Get this down.
Ray! Good way to start the day.
- What's happened? - We've had trouble with the power.
Don't worry.
I gather you're under your own steam.
- Where can we park it? - Outside.
I'll show you.
Mind your feet.
Tickets, please! No kissing in the back row over there! Nearly walked into that thing! This is where the drama will unfold.
It's D.
I.
Beach's office.
He told me you can treat it however you like.
He keeps one drawer locked.
The top.
I'd appreciate if you don't go in that.
Well, this is it.
Em If you can do your silhouette Perhaps over here might be the best place.
- It's probably better over here.
- I thought that, too, as well.
So you can do it over there.
That's fine.
- What about at his desk? - Anywhere.
Treat this as your own.
I'll get this little baby - our power - up and running tonight.
- Great.
- I vant to drink your blood! - Can you find your way out? - Yeah, I'm all right.
What a tosser! (BEACH) Come on! It's gonna start! Sorry, sir.
It'll be up and running in one minute.
- Whose telly is this? - Mine, actually.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Tonight, for the first time ever, we bring down a gangster's empire - live! My name is Mr X.
I'm here to make a startling confession, one that will startle the nation.
I am here to make a confession that will bring down the Smiler McCarthy empire.
(PRODUCER) Get the lights off! What's happening? What's the lights on for? Everyone's gonna know who I am now.
Ridiculous! What have you done to me? # Ready or not, here I come # I'm gonna get you # Ready or not, here I come # I'm gonna get you # Ready or not, here I come # I'm gonna get you, get you, get you # I'm gonna get you # Get you! # It's my telly! - He looks very, very good for his age.
- A very noble nose.
- Oh, no! - What's happening now? Can someone tell me?