Pam & Tommy (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

1 Tommy.
The tape.
Fuck the police! We'll get our own guy.
- Let me do some digging here.
- Ah! Where the fuck do I find this guy? He's not here.
Don't worry.
He'll turn up eventually.
Seattle.
Let me guess webcams.
- Very good, yeah.
- They say it's the future of porn.
And I would agree with them.
I love you so much.
There's a bunch of camera guys sitting around watching us have sex.
Do you have any idea how humiliating it was? You're being way too chill.
Every second that passes, this tape could be spreading.
Baby, we will get it back.
- This'll all be fine! - Hey, Tommy? You did the right thing by coming in.
Hey, gorgeous.
- My God.
- Just driving, baby.
Uh.
Fuck.
Look at my beautiful husband.
I love you! What's up? What's up? Whoo! Did he just honk a boat horn with his penis? Yes, he did.
The jokes, they write themselves.
- He's never gonna go for it.
- Jay loves dick jokes.
He did two years straight on Bobbitt.
Do you think it's too risqué or Not too risqué.
Too obscure.
If Uncle Jim and Aunt Susie in Duluth don't know about it You do the shittiest Leno.
Come in.
Got a sec? It's all over town.
They're selling it online through a website.
There's so many angles to it: technology, celebrity, privacy.
- Are you pitching a story? - Why not? The Los Angeles Times is not doing a story on a sex tape.
A celebrity sex tape that's being commercially sold.
I'm confounded by what aspect of this you consider news.
It's totally news.
Nothing like this has ever I'm sorry, Alicia.
You want to write a story about Pam Anderson having sex on a boat, you're free to go write for the National Enquirer.
Oh, shit.
You have it? He goes, "Are you sure you don't want a stunt double?" I'm like, "Hell no.
Put me on that motorcycle.
Let's go.
" I mean, what choice do I have? I mean, you try finding a stuntman that matches my measurements.
It feels like you and Barb have a lot in common.
Yeah.
Well, no well, I hope so.
I mean, she's kind of my idol.
What would you say is your favorite thing about her? Oh, God.
Good question.
Um, I guess I would have to say her toughness.
- Yeah? - Yeah, you know, no matter what life throws at her and no matter how bad it gets, she just fearlessly powers through.
Do you feel like you take after her in that way? I mean, not to pat myself on the back or anything, but yes.
Definitely.
You know, when something bad happens, all I want to do is move on, move past it, put it behind me, you know? Does that usually work out for you? Bad stuff happens, you know? What's the point in dwelling on it? Tommy.
Hey.
What are you doing? I was, um I was, you know Baby.
Come here.
Oh.
You want to know a secret? Yeah.
I'm really - Yeah.
- Sad.
I know.
Me too.
You seem fine.
Tommy, I'm not fine.
I'm just I'm distracted.
How'd it go? - The Glamour interview? - Yeah.
It was great.
We spoke for, like, two hours.
Wow.
I can't believe I'm actually gonna be in a women's magazine.
Ooh.
I'm so stoked for you.
Thank you.
It's exciting.
- Hey.
- Yeah? I was thinking, uh, maybe I could make dinner later.
I can't tonight.
I'm going out.
- You are? - I'm sorry, baby.
Remember, it's that Entertainment Weekly thingy.
- Oh, that's tonight.
- Yeah.
Hmm.
- Come on.
- Hey, sure.
- You can do it.
- Of course.
Fuck it.
- Of course.
- Come on.
Refill, por favor! The fuck is this shit? It's Sleater-Kinney.
So fucking good.
Oh, shit.
Tommy fucking Lee.
- 'Sup, brother? - Yo, big fan, man.
Ah, thanks, bro.
- Yo.
- Oh, that tape.
That's the best thing you've put out since "Girls, Girls, Girls," yo.
"Girls, Girls, Girls.
" That was 1987.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
And you think that's the best thing I've done in nine years? - Oh, no.
No, no.
- Sounded like you said - That's not what I meant.
- No, that's what you said.
- You fuck! - Hey, hey, hey! You fuck! Get off me! Get off me, you motherfucker! We start tonight with the latest antics from Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee.
The notorious bad boy rocker got himself thrown out of The Viper Room early this morning after getting into an alleged altercation with a pair of men in the club's restroom.
Eyewitnesses said Lee, the hubby of Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson, appeared to be highly intoxicated as he was forcibly removed from the infamous Sunset Strip nightclub by security personnel.
This is not helpful.
Everything he does reflects on you.
If he is a train wreck, you are a train wreck by association.
I understand.
Classy A-list actresses do not have this stuff.
You don't see Hard Copy doing a story on Sandra Bullock's husband getting tossed out of The Viper Room.
No.
No, I get it.
I'll talk to him.
It won't happen again.
I hope not, for your sake, Pammy.
What was it about anyway? - Um - The fight? What? Um, well, it's nothing.
- Um - Pamela? It's nothing.
It's nothing.
It's Is there something I should know about? Jesus.
I mean, it's super underground.
I mean, barely anybody knows about it.
How many copies have they sold? I don't know.
I mean, 20, 50.
Has anybody written about it yet? Oh, you mean press? No.
- I don't think so.
- You don't think? I mean, I haven't exactly combed through newsstands.
- Did you do a web search? - No.
A bunch of publications are on there now.
Started, like, three months ago.
The whole paper, in computer form.
That's crazy.
Look, I mean, I I somehow doubt they're writing about a sex tape.
Maybe not The New York Times.
Star Magazine has a website, National Enquirer, USA Today.
You can search through all of them at once.
Any mention of the tape from any publication with a site.
I can't look.
I can't look.
- All clear.
- Oh, God.
- Thank God.
- No news.
Just the links to the video.
That's good.
Wait.
Links? Oh, no.
It's spreading.
There's a half dozen different websites selling it.
Well, maybe he's got a bunch of fucking websites.
With, um different prices, different addresses, different cover art.
People are making copies.
- We'll figure it out, baby.
- "Figure it out.
" Tommy, you just God, you just don't fucking get it! - Get what? - It's too late! Train's left the station.
Okay, so what do you want from me? What do I want? I wanted you to handle it.
Well, I did my best, all right? I did the best I fucking possibly could.
You sure about that? What the fuck's that supposed to mean? Maybe, on some level, you wanted this to happen.
- Excuse me? - Maybe you like the attention.
- That's insane.
- Yeah, or maybe you're scared.
- Oh, I'm scared.
- Yeah, of me.
You're scared of me and my career! Oh, my God, that's right, 'cause you're about to blow up, right? Right? And I'm fucking your shit up.
And I'm scared of getting left behind! Oh, my God.
That is fucked up, Pamela.
That is seriously fucked up that you would even Even think that.
I'm not saying you'd do it on purpose.
- So then what, subliminal? - Yeah, maybe.
All I do is root for you! I want you to be huge! I want you to be the biggest fucking movie star in the entire fucking world.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
- I fucking hope so.
- You hope so? Yeah.
- You hope so.
- Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
By the way, I sold 100 million fucking albums! Fuck! - What's up, Rose? - Hi, Tommy.
- They're all here.
- Are they? - Even Vince? - Believe it or not.
Whoo! You're in B.
B? Fucking stripped down.
You know, raw, almost like kind of punk rock but with kind of, like, a blues boogie vibe.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I like that.
Early Aerosmith.
Yeah.
That's what I was thinking.
Yo.
Fuck's this studio B shit? A's booked, man.
By who? Hi.
Hi.
Hey.
Who the fuck are you guys? Third Eye Blind.
Well, I got bad news for you, Third Eye Blind.
Studio A is Motley Crue room.
Really? That's funny, 'cause we're booked into it for the next six weeks.
- By who? - Our label.
- Who the fuck's your label? - Elektra.
Elektra.
Hmm, that's That's our label, Nikki.
- Fuck, man.
- Yeah, what the fuck? They book these ass clowns in the big room over us? Guess so.
Sorry, man.
Doesn't matter.
The hottest toy this season is something called Tickle Me Elmo.
Apparently millions of children are dying to get their hands on the doll which gives off a high-pitched giggle when you touch it.
Children touch it, and it giggles with glee.
I thought there was already something that fit that description: Michael Jackson.
Funny, I think we already did it, though.
- What else? - Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett are filing for divorce.
Apparently the breakup is mutual.
Lyle wanted his freedom, and Julia finally bought glasses.
That's good.
That's funny.
What else? A tape of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee is going around depicting the two of them engaged in all sorts of X-rated sex acts.
Pamela offered no comment on the matter.
Not because she refused but because she still doesn't have the feeling back in her jaw.
What tape? There's this sex tape.
It's all over the place.
People are making copies of it, playing it at parties.
Oh, yeah, where? In Laurel Canyon? Hey, it's bigger than you think.
A lot of people know about it.
Who knows about it? Uncle Jim and Aunt Susie in Duluth? I mean maybe not them, but But who? Oh, cat's got his tongue.
All right, let's come up with more stuff.
Come on, you guys are writers.
Let's go, what else? All right, uh, Attorney General Janet Reno says the FBI's closing in on the Unabomber.
- Hello.
- Uh, Mr.
Lee? - Who's this? - Hi.
Um, uh, hello.
Hi, my name is Alicia Krentz.
I'm with the Los Angeles Times.
The L.
A.
Times.
What do you want? Um, I don't know if you've been getting my messages, but I've been trying to reach you for about a week now.
Okay.
I was hoping to talk to you about the tape.
You want to talk about the tape? If you have a couple minutes, I'd love to just get your opinion.
My opinion on getting fucking burgled and having to deal with assholes like you? Fuck off! It was stolen the tape.
It was in a safe stolen from their house.
It's not clear if whoever took it was targeting the tape or if they just happened to stumble upon it, but either way, it was definitively stolen.
They did not want this out there, and they certainly did not want it sold.
Speaking of which, there's more than the one site selling it now.
Pirated copies are sprouting up all over the web.
Bootlegs of a stolen celebrity sex tape.
I get your reluctance, given the admittedly tawdry nature of it all, but I am telling you, Bert, this is news.
Bob, when you have a minute, you really should see this.
Is this for real? It's the realest thing you've seen in a long time.
Everything's gonna be okay.
The tape is gonna go away.
And Barb Wire's gonna be the biggest movie in the world.
Tommy's new album's gonna be the biggest album in the world.
And we're gonna get pregnant again.
And we're gonna have a long and happy marriage and a beautiful family.
Everything's gonna be beautiful and perfect forever.
Pamela! - Pamela! - Whoa.
- Hey, what? - Bob Guccione, - he's got the tape.
- Wait, what? - Fucking shit never ends.
- Wait.
What are you talking about? Mickey just called me, and Donna's best friend Kimberly was Penthouse Pet of the Month last December, and she heard from somebody at the mansion he's got ahold of it.
- Well, where did he get it? - No idea, but all I know is, we're suing the shit out of him.
- Suing him for what? - For what he's gonna do.
- What's he gonna do? - Um, if I had to guess, fucking running pictures.
- What? No from the tape? - I mean, think about it.
He'd do anything to stick it to Hef, and what better way than running a bunch of porno shots of Hef's golden girl, Ms.
Playboy herself? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Maybe somebody just gave it to him, and he watched it, that's it.
You know, he might not be planning anything.
I thought you were the one that was obsessed with shutting this shit down.
I am, I am, I am.
God, I am.
I just Come on, suing Penthouse when we just We don't even Let's just talk to a lawyer, right? - Get a professional opinion.
- A lawyer.
Yeah.
Let's just see what they say.
Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong.
Tommy's absolutely right.
This calls for swift preemptive action.
We file an invasion of privacy lawsuit against Guccione and the magazine while simultaneously requesting injunctive relief.
- Injunctive relief? - The judge makes sure they don't publish any images from the tape, and if they defy that order, then We bring down the shit hammer.
Okay, um, yeah, but the tape, it's stolen property.
I mean, wouldn't it be illegal for him to run pictures from it? You think that scumbag gives a fuck about legal? He could always play the First Amendment card.
Freedom of speech.
Freedom of the press.
Totally, he loves that shit.
I'm just I'm concerned.
What what What's your concern, Pamela? My concern is, if he's not planning to do anything and we sue, he could suddenly decide to do it to get back at us.
Plus, if we sue, it puts all this attention on the tape.
It could turn it into something way bigger than it would have been, and it kills off any chance of the whole thing, you know, staying underground and just kind of fizzling out on its own.
You know? Yeah.
You need to sue.
If you don't defend your rights It'd be a dangerous precedent to set.
You'd effectively be letting them dictate what you can and cannot print.
This is about freedom of speech.
The First Amendment.
Nobody's robbing Bob Guccione of his God-given right to free expression.
Pull 20 frames, the nastiest bits, and draw up a press release.
Penthouse has the Pamela Anderson sex tape and is publishing stills.
They want chicken, let's play some fucking chicken.
Yes? Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee are suing Penthouse.
Guccione's planning to run images from the tape in the magazine.
Now is it news? Oh, honey, how could you not tell me? I would have told you in no uncertain terms, do not do it.
Well, the lawyers Every single one of them - Said to sue.
- Of course they did.
They're lawyers.
And Tommy.
Tommy did too.
Another alpha male.
We had to defend our rights.
It sets a bad precedent.
Who told you that, the one in the red tie or the blue paisley? Well, you try saying no to a roomful of men.
Honey, I do it all day long.
Yeah, well, you know what? I guess it's easier for some women.
No.
It's not easy for any woman.
We are programmed from birth to say yes to men, but it is a skill you gotta learn.
I mean, this is just ugh.
It's buried toward the back.
I mean maybe nobody will even see it.
Right? - The hell? - You believe that? Guys? Cut! Okay, I need this to move a little bit this way.
- Ah! - Okay, I can move myself.
Great.
You want some? It was the right move.
He was gonna do it whether we sued or not.
Least now there's a chance of stopping him.
Will you please say something? You're seriously not gonna say anything? - Come on.
- Please don't.
I'm trying.
I feel like nothing I do is good enough for you.
I mean, I can't win.
What do you want from me? - What else do you - Don't.
Just shut up.
Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up! It's one stupid little article! I can be bad.
Oh! It's my first time.
Oh, you want to see a little more? I can show you a little bit.
Oh, yes.
You want me to be your bitch? I mean, what if I take it off? No.
Fuck Seattle.
- This is Pam.
- And this is No, Tommy! Seriously.
- This is Pam.
- Please leave a message! Hey, Pamela, it's Gail.
I just tried your cell.
Listen, give me a call.
It's about Glamour.
I just got a call from my person there.
Just, um Yeah yeah, just call me.
Oh, speaking of Bob Dole, yesterday the senator attacked President Clinton's record on crime, yeah.
Yeah, he said Clinton talks like Dirty Harry - but acts like Barney Fife.
- Night, babe.
Yeah, apparently this is Dole's way of connecting with the youth vote.
Let's see.
What else is going on? Oh, yeah, I don't know if you guys heard about this.
You heard about this? Apparently there's a love tape going around of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.
Mm, yeah.
Yeah, a video showing the two of them doing all sorts of X-rated things to each other on a boat.
Mm-hmm, apparently they spend most of the video completely naked, yeah.
Or as Pam likes to call it, work attire.
Yeah, boating safety experts are praising Pam for the tape.
In it, she sports not one but two flotation devices.
Big ones.
Real big ones.
She'll float.
She'll float forever.
We got a great show for you tonight.
The Goo Goo Dolls are here.
Stick around.
We'll be right back.
Well, we had this conversation.
Look, we filed a continuance, so we don't have to deal with that right now.
Hold on one second.
Lorraine? - Yeah? - Is this the only page? Uh, yes.
Why? I gotta call you back.
Um, okay.
"Pursuant to rules 26 and 30 of the California rules of civil procedure, you are hereby notified tat on April 24, 1996, at 10:00 a.
m.
counsel for defendants will take the deposition "of Pamela Anderson Lee upon oral examination.
" What? Why is it just me? Maybe they come separate.
I don't know why they need to talk to either of us.
We're the fucking plaintiffs.
What's there to say? That's our shit.
Quit it.
Doesn't matter.
We're in this together.