Partner Track (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

1
["Real Thing"
by La Felix Feat. Becca Krueger playing]
[water trickling]
[Ingrid] A universal solvent.
Water is a universal solvent
because more substances dissolve in water
than in any other liquid.
Nick is my universal solvent.
With him, all my worries, Z, Sun Corp,
Murphy, just melt away.
It's because
water's polar arrangement of its atoms
allows it to be so damn attractive.
["Real Thing" continues playing]
You taste like body wash.
In a good way or bad?
[Nick chuckles]
You never taste bad.
Mmm. I don't have much time.
I have to pack.
Don't worry. I'll be quick.
["Real Thing" continues playing]
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, so can I go? ♪
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, so can I go? ♪
I think I really feel
Down in my soul that ♪
This could be the way
To the real thing ♪
Real thing ♪
- Forever ♪
- [song ends]
Hope you're hungry.
This looks amazing, but the bus
for the retreat leaves in an hour.
Don't worry, babe.
I'll get you there on time.
Since when am I "babe"?
- Thought I'd try it on for size.
- You can do better.
[chuckles]
[Ingrid sighs]
Mmm.
- It's delicious.
- Right?
My chef's old recipe.
The secret
is freshly-scraped vanilla bean.
[Ingrid exhales]
[Ingrid sighs]
Penny for your thoughts?
[Ingrid exhales]
I had to massage the truth
to get someone to do something
that wasn't in their best interest.
I can't say any more than that.
You know what goes really well
with moral quandaries?
- Maple syrup.
- [chuckles]
[doorbell rings]
- Who is that?
- I don't know. I'm not expecting anyone.
- [Lina] Happy Saturday!
- [door shuts]
[Lina gasps] Ooh, French toast?
Why, Nick, you shouldn't have.
Lina? What are you
How did you even know where to find us?
It's a real mystery.
What with gossip blogs stalking
New York's most eligible bachelor
The penthouse
of the Laren building? Big mystery.
Mmm!
Nice digs.
Ooh!
Got you something.
A statue of Lady Justice with
[clears throat] a broken scale.
All right, what do you want?
Why do I have to want something?
Can't I just drop by to say hi
to my sister and her new Ken Doll?
Hey. I'll take that. Ken is a wonderful,
supportive partner to Barbie.
- [chuckles]
- Plus, he surfs.
Men in flip-flops. Gross.
Okay. Lina, I have to leave soon.
- Fine. I need to borrow some money.
- What for?
I have an important audition
for Cirque du Soleil coming up next week,
and it's in Montreal.
- I need a flight
- And you assumed I would cover it for you.
That's a really difficult audition
to land.
- You must be good.
- Thanks, Ken.
Yeah. I am good.
I've actually been training for
I don't care how long you've trained,
I'm not giving you more money.
You know what? This is exactly why
I didn't want to come to you.
You show up to my boyfriend's unannounced,
after you burned and flooded my apartment.
What'd you think I was gonna say?
How about, "Yes, Lina. I will give you
a fraction of my enormous paycheck
to support your dreams."
Your dreams change more often
than your hair color.
Whoa, look at the time!
Ingrid, we should get you to that bus.
Can I at least use the bathroom?
I'm sure it's gorgeous too.
Yeah. It's down the hall.
[Ingrid sighs]
[door opens, shuts]
I can feel you holding your tongue
from over here.
Well, you didn't give her
a chance to explain herself.
Look, come on. I have a crazy sister too.
Most of the time when she's acting out,
she just wants to know I care about her.
It's the joy of being
an older sibling, snuggle muffin.
Mmm! Somehow worse than "babe."
[both chuckle]
Seriously, Ken.
If this whole "being a billionaire" thing
doesn't work out,
you have a future in cuisine.
- Oh, thank you. The secret is
- Okay, Lina.
I have to go. Please come up
with a real plan for your life.
["Real Thing" continues playing]
I'll get that.
[Ingrid] Lina
[speaks Korean]
Real thing ♪
Real thing ♪
- Forever ♪
- [song ends]
[in English] Oh, Jerry!
- How's my lead actor doing?
- Oh, uh, glad I found you.
Um, can you explain
this "deliverables" line to me?
I I feel like I'm not getting it.
Okay. Sure. Okay. For me, it's about, um,
how much you hate your job.
But I don't hate my job.
You work in Tax.
I just don't want
to mess this up, you know?
I mean, the whole firm will be watching.
I heard that one time Harold Rosenstein
fired a third-year on the spot.
For boring him.
Jerry, nobody's gonna get fired,
and, uh, you're gonna kill it.
Yeah.
Great. Good talk.
- ["New Trick" by CXLOE playing]
- I've got a new trick ♪
Why'd it take all this time?
I think you're gonna hate it ♪
Sorry, but I'm gettin' mine ♪
I said I wouldn't say that
Apologize too many times ♪
Me and my new trick ♪
Got a new trick on my mind ♪
[Nick] Honey bear? What is it?
Uh, nothing. Thanks. Uh, see you tomorrow?
Can I at least get a reaction
to "honey bear"?
- Keep trying.
- Want me to walk you to the bus?
No. I'm okay. Thanks.
Bye.
Oh my God. I'm sorry. Is that James Bond?
Okay, James Bond would never
call his woman "snuggle muffin."
[both] What?
Yeah. Nobody's perfect.
How's your script coming?
Um, good.
I just I think I'm a copy short.
I could have sworn I printed enough.
While you're stuck in rehearsal,
Bola and I will be at the spa.
Gonna wash the stench of Valdo
out of my hair.
All right. Have fun leading
that wide-eyed newbie around.
I can't believe you ducked Karen
and got out of it this year.
I don't need the firm to assign me
some first-year I have to babysit.
What about you?
What are you doing with April?
Um, drinks?
Bless. Creativity was never
your strong suit, love.
Okay, I don't know. Ellen Chu Sanderson
wasn't really my dream mentor.
Besides, I wanna love April's enthusiasm,
but she's just so earnest.
Speak of the devil. Hi.
- Hey, big sis!
- Hi!
I'm so excited, I've never been
on a big retreat like this before.
I've been packed for two weeks.
When did you pack?
This morning.
Flying by the seat of your pants.
I like it.
I looked at the list of activities.
I kinda wanna try horseback riding,
but I have bad allergies.
- Hey, little bro!
- Hey, Tyler. What's up?
- Hope you're ready for a weekend of zen.
- Always.
After lunch, we're hitting up that spa.
Have you ever tried venik?
Is that where they hit you
with big bunches of leaves?
It will change your life.
[April] I was also thinking
about the introductory sommelier course.
Gosh, what do they say
about the tyranny of choice?
This is gonna be
the best weekend ever, right?
- Yeah.
- [Dan] Spring break, bitches!
- [cork pops]
- Whoo!
[Ingrid scoffs]
[indistinct chatter, cheering]
We go from city to city
Just to find it ♪
We go around and around the world ♪
This town's on fire ♪
If you want to take us up ♪
Then get on the bus
You might like it ♪
Beautiful.
It's not bad.
- [Rachel] Look at this.
- [Tyler] Stunning.
Should I grab our stuff?
That's a great idea. Thanks.
[inhales]
I don't know how much longer
I can do this. We're still doing lunch?
- Yeah, of course.
- We gotta do "By this time next year."
I love you guys.
Now, if you'll excuse me, since I'm not
using my little sibling as a bellhop
- Oh! [chuckles]
- I have to get my own bags.
Okay. Shade.
- [Rachel] Get mine, darling.
- [Tyler chuckles]
Oh wow. Okay.
- [Dan] Oh!
- Sorry. Sorry, Dan.
Hey. No worries.
See you up there, man.
Yeah.
Okay. That looked Actually,
I don't know what that looked like.
Don't hold me to this, but I may
have gotten through to him the other day.
Are you telling me
that Dan finally saw the light?
I said I got through to him,
not that I performed a miracle.
[chuckles]
[Ingrid gasps] Thank you.
[Rachel] Yeah.
She's she's actually adorable.
[Ingrid] I know.
You know you wanna get down
You know you wanna get down ♪
You know you wanna get down
Get down, get down ♪
It's decorative-gourd season,
motherfuckers.
[chuckles] All right.
Let's check in. [sniffles]
What are you doing?
I just wanted something
to read on the bus.
There were so many copies in the printer,
I didn't think you'd miss one.
Well, you thought wrong.
Gosh. This is not cool.
It's still being work-shopped.
For the record,
I think it's already pretty brilliant.
The guy has to speak in corporate jargon
until he figures out the meaning of love?
That's genius.
Thank you.
Yeah. Hey. Actually, just one thing.
I was thinking
about that scene at the end.
Yeah, I feel like his line
about next steps isn't really working.
Maybe he should say something
about their "synergy."
You know,
because he's in love with her, after all.
Did you just give me a note?
I don't know.
You know, writing is rewriting.
You okay?
Yeah, of course.
One second.
Good drive?
Productive. Merck's exploring additional
outside counsel. Some copyright issues.
I checked and Valdo scrubbed his posts
about Luxe, per terms of our agreement.
Have you heard from Tim Toussaint?
Tim is happy.
The other clients have calmed.
You did good work. Valdo was tricky.
Perhaps I'll call on you in the future.
I've heard some rumblings
in the fashion sector.
Big personalities there.
Anything to help.
[exhales]
Okay. That looked like
it went really well.
That went really well.
- Okay.
- [chuckles]
[electronic click, beep]
- Come on. I just wanna lie down.
- [electronic beeping]
[Murphy] Need a hand?
No. Um, I I've got it.
- Here.
- [electronic beep]
Allow me.
- You just
- [electronic beep]
have to take your time with it.
Right. Well, bye.
[Ingrid sighs]
[gentle music playing]
[sighs]
[exhales]
- [mobile chimes]
- [groans]
Please don't be
the Sun Corp purchase agreement.
[exhales] Shit.
[clicks tongue, exhales]
So much for a quiet weekend.
- [sighs deeply]
- [knocks on door]
Hey. Did you forget something?
I How have you
already taken off your shirt?
I have a tee time.
Of course you do. Um,
I take it you haven't checked your phone.
No. Did I miss something?
[Hunter] Hey!
- You guys playing?
- Playing what?
- Uh, the Chug Challenge.
- It's retreat tradition.
We hide these all over.
Then if you find one, you have
to take a knee and chug it all in one go.
Uh, maybe next year. I have a tee time.
And I don't want to.
Your loss.
See you guys.
Sorry. What were you saying?
Carter Min sent back the redlined purchase
agreement for the Sun Corp acquisition.
There must be, like,
hundreds of pages of disclosure schedules.
Right. Shit.
- Um, sounds like a problem for Monday.
- Are you kidding?
We have a 9:00 a.m. with Lassiter Monday,
and we need to tell them something.
Okay, okay. Take it easy.
Let me get through my round of golf,
and I'll come help you.
Call me if there are any emergencies.
[Ingrid exhales]
Okay. Have fun golfing.
Let's talk about next steps.
Jerry, sidebar.
What is it? Am I too broad?
No. No, you are doing great.
Um, it's just the line "next steps."
[inhales]
Can you try "synergy"?
"Take my temperature on the synergy."
Make it about love.
That's great.
Cool.
All right. Let's go from the top.
- [men chanting] Chug! Chug! Chug!
- Finish that!
- Yeah! Whoo!
- Fuck yeah! Fuck yeah!
Oh God.
College ends, but frat life lasts forever.
Screw budget cuts.
Our second year, we went to Belize.
That's where Mike Schlosser
lost his hairpiece while scuba diving.
[chuckles] I thought
that was an urban legend.
All right, y'all. It's time for our toast.
- [groans] I have work to do.
- Girl, five minutes. Come on.
Fine. Okay.
By this time next year, I want
No saying "partner."
It's too easy. We're all up for it.
We're all gonna get it.
You have to pick something else.
[Ingrid] Fine.
By this time next year,
I want to earn recognition and respect
for all the hard work I've done.
That was really sad, Ingrid.
Yeah, let's just move on.
There's no way she'd outdo mine anyway.
- Why? What's yours?
- [Rachel] Wait.
Tyler, is this the year?
Yes. By this time next year,
I will have gone to the Met Gala.
- [Rachel] Ah!
- You're serious?
Raymond may put me on another luxury play.
Can you imagine?
Me, Anthony, bespoke tuxes, some kind
of head dress, stuntin' with Anna Wintour?
Who's Anna Wintour?
Oh, I have so much to teach you.
[all chuckle]
You?
By this time next year,
I wanna be surprised.
Not like "Grammy Goose dropping dead
in a boardroom" surprised,
but, like, just surprised.
Okay.
And mind-blowing sex.
You have mind-blowing sex,
like, every other week.
Right. But, more, better, now.
- That's my girl.
- [chuckles]
[mobile chimes]
Okay, Ms. Work Hard, Play Hard,
I thought we got you off that laptop.
Which countries does the US
have trade embargoes against right now?
Ingrid, I'm an IP lawyer.
Burma, Cuba, Venezuela.
What about the Middle East?
Syria and Iran.
[sighs] I was afraid of that.
Okay. What is happening?
I just found out
the Mins have holdings in Syria and Iran.
This is bad.
There must not be any reception
at the golf course.
I have to go find Murphy out there.
- Need any help?
- No, I can handle it. Thanks, though.
Great work with the embargoed countries.
I'll catch you at dinner?
Sure.
Uh, she seems stressed.
Believe me,
she wouldn't have it any other way.
[Rachel chuckles]
[sighs]
Murphy.
Yun. Do you have any idea
how difficult it is
to hit a blind-dog-like lay up
with a fairway wood?
Uh, yes, actually. Just close your stance
a bit, should help with the shape.
If you know that,
then why are you interrupting me?
I'm sorry, Marty.
I thought Murphy would have told you.
We got the Mins' disclosure schedules.
There's a problem.
- Oh.
- I need him back at the hotel.
Well, that's convenient
since he's down by four strokes.
I did say I'd come and help her
if there was an emergency.
Fine. Go.
Get the fucking golf pro out here.
I'm not throwing away a solid lead.
- Next time?
- [scoffs]
- Sorry, Marty.
- It's all right.
So, your room or mine?
Neither. The Chug Challenge
always turns the halls into madness.
We'll just use the business center.
Apologies. All our work spaces
are being renovated.
- I hope this will be acceptable.
- [Murphy] Of course.
[electronic chime]
The honeymoon suite
is one of our nicest spaces.
It's perfect. Thank you.
After you, Mrs. Murphy.
Perfect. [exhales]
[Tyler sighs]
So, first year, how's it goin'?
It's only been a couple months.
The first few months
sets up the next ten years.
Ain't nobody thinking
about the book right now,
which is why
you're gonna get that head start.
We don't get to dilly-dally.
- I hear you.
- Good.
Anyone you wanna work with,
any deal you wanna work on, let me know.
I got you.
Thanks, man.
- Ah, see you on the other side.
- See you on the other side.
[Tyler breathes deeply]
- Oh yeah.
- Mmm.
[mobile ringing]
- Hey, mate. It's been way too long.
- [mobile vibrates]
Listen. I know you're you're busy,
but let's talk about me for a second.
- [Nick] Hey, pookie.
- [scoffs]
Where do you get these nicknames from?
I made a list.
Next up is Griddlecakes, then Yunie Bear,
Sugarplum, and, uh, Dark Mistress
of my Eternally Damned Soul?
What? That can't be right.
[chuckles]
I needed that.
How are the group-bonding exercises going?
Actually, I'm back at the hotel.
Something came up in the Sun Corp case,
so I am knee-deep in documents.
Trust you to go spelunking
while you're in the Hudson Valley.
What? Can't you pass this off to Murphy?
Isn't that why you have a number two?
No. He needs a babysitter.
Oh, so you're working together?
This is the biggest case of my career.
I can't let him work unsupervised.
Yeah, makes sense.
I don't trust him either.
Good thing I trust you.
You have nothing to worry about.
[Murphy clears throat]
Can I call you back?
I was just finding my groove.
Hey, hey, uh, before I go,
any front-runners?
Mmm, I did always like The Nutcracker.
Sugarplum it is. Bye.
Bye.
- Didn't realize I was such a fuckup.
- [clears throat]
Well, you were just
on the phone talking to a friend.
Right.
Come and take a look at this.
[Ingrid sighs]
What am I looking at?
These are the locations
of the Mins' holdings in Syria and Iran.
Now, this is a map of all
the refugee camps in those two countries.
- Notice anything?
- They completely overlap.
Exactly.
The Mins have been investing
in Syrian and Iranian refugee camps.
[scoffs]
How did you figure this out?
I wasn't talking to a friend.
I was talking
to the British ambassador to the UN.
And how do you know
the British ambassador to the UN?
Well, let's just say he wasn't
the ambassador when I met him.
What I can't figure out
is why a billionaire like Franklin Min
would be risking his entire fortune
investing in refugee camps a world away.
- Z.
- What?
It's not Franklin, it's Z.
His younger son.
He's stubborn about being a good person.
This has his handiwork all over it.
Okay, okay. We know what the holdings are,
we know what they do.
That doesn't solve
our fundamental problem.
Right. They still violate
Sun Corp's warranty
against doing business
in US-embargoed countries.
Kill the deal, save the refugees.
[Ingrid exhales]
Or save the deal
and throw the refugees to the wolves.
Not much of a choice, is it?
Um
[Todd chuckles] Nice.
[April groans]
[April] I found it!
- [Todd] Yes, April! Come on, now! Come on!
- [Hunter] Do it.
[all chanting] Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Hey, Jer! Headed to the tech rehearsal?
Jerry!
Jerry!
Jerry!
Why are you running?
[whimsical music plays]
Jerry!
Jerry!
[whimsical music continues]
What is going on?
[Jerry] I can't do it, Rachel.
I I just can't.
Oh no, no, no. No, yes, you can.
Jerry, no, no, no. Don't go out in that!
Jerry! He's in a boat.
- Jerry, come back!
- I'm sorry, Rachel. I can't be humiliated.
Oh my God. He's in a boat.
[exhales]
Boat.
Hey, Justin.
Um
Turn on the boat.
- Follow that kayak.
- Wait. What?
[Rachel grunts]
- Hey.
- Turn it on!
You're not wearing a life vest.
Justin, that man is the lead
in my skit, and he is bailing on me.
So if you don't wanna memorize his lines,
you will help me catch him.
Do you understand?
Okay.
All right. Let's go, I guess.
All right.
[Rachel] Does this go faster?
[Justin] Goddamn. He's quick.
Strong arms for a tax guy.
[Rachel] Jerry!
- You can take a seat right there.
- Thank you.
Man, you were right about venik.
[chuckles]
Right? Life-changing.
Try some of that zen-blend tea.
So you thought of any other partners
you're gonna work with?
Not really.
What's up, Bola?
I'm giving you everything you need
to make PV work for you,
and it's like you don't care.
Real talk, this spa stuff is awesome,
but I don't know if I wanna be
at PV in ten years. Or five years.
My girl, she wants to go back to Georgia.
You know,
buy a house, live near her folks.
Once I pay off my debt,
I think that's where we're headed.
Look. What y'all do is dope,
but it ain't me.
Do not tell anyone what you just told me.
I wish we could break up the company
and leave Z the humanitarian stuff.
Give him something to do since
he'll be siloed by that noncompete.
Can Min indemnify Sun Corp
if the government comes after them?
Well, we'd still have the PR nightmare
of doing business in Syria.
Min Enterprises is incorporated
in Delaware, right? Isn't there a law?
Wait, are you thinking of
- The Delaware Division Law.
- Delaware Division Law.
Okay. So we spin the holdings
in Syria and Iran into a new corporation.
A 501(c)(3) means they're
exempt from sanctions.
- A new non-profit.
- Yeah.
Uh, we'll call it
The Min Foundation.
We'll finally close this deal.
["(breathe) Underwater"
by Millie Turner plays]
If we could breathe underwater ♪
If we could hold one another ♪
What would we do?
What would we do? ♪
We could do anything ♪
Take me down, down, down, down ♪
- Deeper into the sea ♪
- Down, down, down, down, deeper ♪
We we have to tell Marty.
- Right.
- [door opens]
[door shuts]
I don't know, babe.
Maybe it's impostor syndrome.
Doesn't feel like he belongs.
Just because he doesn't wanna be you
doesn't mean his dream isn't valid.
I just want to make sure
this really is Bola's dream
and that he's doing it
for the right reasons.
[knocks on door]
Hold on one second, babe.
I just kissed Murphy.
- Oh my God. I just kissed Murphy.
- Hello?
Oh. Hi. Sorry, Anthony.
Can I borrow your boyfriend?
Sure. Later, boo.
Bye, baby.
Okay. What happened?
Uh, we were working
and then we solved a huge problem
and then I just
[scoffs] lost control.
[chuckles] Of course.
Fixing a work problem got you hot.
Mock later, will you?
- Sorry.
- Murphy's just so
[groans] He's actually smart.
There's a mind in that beautiful,
infuriating head of his and
What if people find out?
I don't wanna be Ingrid,
The Girl That Gave It Up at the Retreat.
That girl doesn't make partner.
That girl [inhales]
Tyler, I am spiraling.
Please say something.
You forgot Nick. Your boyfriend.
Right. Nick. Oh dammit.
He's such a good guy,
but there's just something about Murphy.
Okay, look. At some point,
you need to reckon with
how you go after things
that are bad for you,
but right now,
go get ready for the banquet.
Go look fabulous, ignore this happened,
and stay away from Murphy.
Avoid temptation.
Clear?
Okay. I can do that.
I will just memory-hole it and avoid.
Absolutely.
Good. Now get out.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- [door opens, shuts]
- [exhales, chuckles]
Oh my God. Hey.
Would you make it go? Turn it back on!
I think we're out of juice.
- What?
- Look. My ride was over.
I was putting the boat back on shore.
- [Justin sighs]
- Here. Give me your phone.
I don't have my phone.
I'm on a digital detox.
I'm sorry. What?
We're lawyers. We don't do that.
I'm a paralegal, so
[Justin exhales]
[Rachel] So we're stuck.
["Most of All I Love You"
by Stan Laferrière playing]
Most of all, I love you ♪
More than this, I need you ♪
Looking for someone?
[exhales] No.
Good. Stay strong.
[sighs]
Of all the tables, in all the towns,
in all the world, she's sitting at mine.
Technically, you're sitting at mine.
[Murphy chuckles] Oof.
How was the rest of your afternoon?
Uh, fine.
Yun, your little sis
was a fucking animal out there today.
Yeah. I've never seen someone down
so many freezes in one go.
Really?
Yeah. I found one after you left
and then we just went on a scavenger hunt.
[chuckles] It was whatever.
Your little was a champ out there, Ingrid.
Seriously.
You had an okay time with those guys?
I would've rather spent the day with you.
Should've known getting into a boat
with you'd leave me stranded.
You're as useless out here
as you are in the office.
What? No smart-ass response?
I know you're disappointed
that you're missing the skit.
I'm disappointed too. I'm sorry.
Look. For what it's worth,
I think they're gonna love it.
[sniffles]
You look stupid in that life vest.
How's the fish?
Flaky.
[Caleb] Excuse me?
- [waiter] Yes, sir?
- Yeah, um, do you have any A.1.?
Sir, if the béarnaise
is not to your liking,
perhaps you'd like
to try the black peppercorn instead?
Yeah, Caleb. You should do that.
I I just want some A.1., please.
- I'll see what I can do.
- Thank you.
[Hunter clears throat]
Dude, partners are watching.
[Dan] A.1. Classy move, Caleb.
Isn't that Ellen Chu Sanderson?
[Ingrid] Yes. That's her.
She's an of counsel, right?
The highest-ranking
Asian-American woman at the firm?
I should say hi.
Oh, April,
I don't think that's a good idea.
[Marty clears throat]
You know what, mate? Pass it here.
We can't get this back home.
I love this stuff.
- [Caleb] Really?
- Yeah, really.
- [Caleb chuckles] It's good.
- It's great. Yeah. Fill your boot.
- Can I have some? Thank you.
- [Murphy] Do your thing.
- [Hunter] Bro, you're not gonna eat that.
- [Dan] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow your roll.
[Murphy chuckles]
Spare none. Get it in there.
Yeah. It's not made by bears.
[indistinct chattering]
She did the exact same thing to me.
[inhales] Still does, actually.
The thing is,
if we supported one another, like they do,
this would be so much easier.
When we get back to the city,
we'll grab dinner.
Just the two of us.
- [glass clinks]
- [Karen] All right, folks.
It's time for the main event.
The Parsons Valentine Variety Show!
[all cheering]
First up, let's welcome to the stage
"Jargon Man" by Rachel Friedman.
[cheering]
Whoo!
We thought you were never coming back.
I couldn't let you guys down.
That's not how we do it in Tax.
[owl hoots]
[Justin] Wind is southwest.
We'll drift ashore eventually.
Don't worry.
How do you know so much
about the outdoors?
Oh, um, growing up,
spent summers in Maine.
Kingsley Pines, it's a summer camp.
Taught us a bunch of survival stuff.
That is adorable.
- [scoffs] Yeah.
- Never went to camp.
What was it like?
It's amazing.
Okay. We had a lake way bigger than this.
Like, way bigger.
We had sand volleyball courts,
ropes course, this big-ass campfire.
I had my first kiss there.
I mean, it's the best place in the world.
If I could,
I'd probably work there year-round.
Like, run things.
Live off the grid.
So why are you a paralegal?
Why are you a lawyer?
I asked you first.
I guess running a summer camp
isn't really in my dad's plan for me.
Okay. Your turn. Why are you a lawyer?
It's complicated.
Rachel.
Come on.
You're
You're like one of those people
that could be whatever they want.
You know that's true.
I've been watching you.
You loved writing that skit,
you loved chasing Jerry around this lake,
and you hate being a lawyer.
- I don't
- You hate being a lawyer.
[Rachel sighs]
So why are you wasting your time
at Parsons Valentine
when you could
be off doing something you love?
You only get one shot, Rachel.
Don't you owe it to yourself
to go after something you actually want?
["Around Here" by Matt Holubowski playing]
There's a place where I go ♪
When I want something new ♪
Or when I'm in need
Of a beautiful view ♪
- [Rachel chuckles]
- It's less the space ♪
[chuckles]
To blockade the aching ♪
- [boat cracks]
- Ah! Oh no. My God.
- [gasps] I don't
- Yeah.
I don't wanna fall out.
Take it slow.
Slow is good.
- Yeah. Slow.
- Slow.
["Around Here" continues playing]
Around here ♪
It's lighter than air
And it's harder to run ♪
There's a place where I go ♪
When I want some control ♪
[applauding]
Rachel Friedman's "Jargon Man"!
And next up, let's welcome to the stage
the comedic stylings
of our very own Dan Fallon.
[cheering]
What's up, Parsons Valentine!
Yeah. That's right. They asked me
to do stand-up tonight. Because why?
Because I have the biggest
book.
[all chuckle]
I love coming on retreat.
It's our only chance to let our hair down.
Or in Mike Schlosser's case,
loan our hair to the Little Mermaid.
I mean, who goes scuba diving
in a toupee? This guy.
[all chuckle]
To be fair to Mike, people do all kinds
of crazy shit on retreat.
Anyone remember
when Hunter got cornrows in Jamaica?
[all chuckle]
[Jamaican accent] Ya, man.
[regular accent] That happened.
And what
about Lily Lavelle's white bikini?
When you wear that,
you're asking to be pushed in.
God, I miss Lily and her assets.
And her briefs.
[all chuckle]
Don't worry.
There's no chance of any bikini incidents,
just Marty fitting into those golf pants.
Quite a putter you got there, Adler.
- [all chuckle]
- [inaudible]
- [Dan] Impressive.
- [chuckles]
Oh, Parsons. Parsons Valentine.
Parsons Valentine & Hunt.
Or as it was once known
in the letterhead typo debacle,
Parsons Valentine & C
Come on. I'm not gonna say it.
We all know there's words
you just can't say
and cunt is one of them!
- [all chuckle]
- You can't say cunt!
These days you pretty much
can't say anything, but don't worry.
I, Dan Fallon, he, him, am here to help.
- Because I'm woke, baby.
- [all chuckle]
- Yes, you are!
- [man whistles]
We live in amazing times
where people will tell you
what's okay to say, and what's not.
And when they do,
you should thank them for helping you out.
So listen, jokes aside,
I'd like to take this moment
to officially say "thank you"
to my colleague, my boy, Tyler Robinson
for teaching me about white fragility.
You've opened my eyes, man.
You're like my guru.
Wait. Can I say that?
Eh, he'll correct me.
In fact, I'm so inspired by your example
that I'm jumping on the education train.
So get ready
for a Master Class in white fragility.
And no, it is not what happened
to Todd Ames' skin today
- after ten minutes in the sun.
- [all chuckle]
- Like a fucking lobster, dude.
- [inaudible]
No. White fragility is when you act
like a whiny little bitch
and get all up in your feelings
if someone calls you a racist.
For example,
let's say you tell a Black co-worker,
"You're so well-spoken."
If someone were to tell you
that's racist and a micro-aggression,
and you were to say,
"But I can't be racist.
Some of my best credit cards are black."
[all chuckle]
That would be an example of,
let's hear you say it.
[all together] White fragility.
Cool. Let's try another one.
This is a personal favorite.
Remember when we all used
to call disclosures "opening the kimono"?
Yeah. Well, if someone were to tell you
that now that is both racist and sexist,
what I used to call "twice the spice"
[crowd chuckles]
and you were to say something like,
"But my college girlfriend was Japanese,"
that would be another prime example of,
louder for the folks in the back.
[all together] White fragility.
So what can you say?
The answer is "thank you."
Just say "thank you."
Attitude of gratitude, people.
Danke. Gamsa-haeyo! Arigato!
Big ups! Thanks.
Anyway, that's all I got for you.
Now, remember, if you liked me,
my name is Dan Fallon, and if you didn't,
it's Cunter Reed.
Good night, Parsons Valentine & Hunt.
Thank you, Dan.
- [applauding]
- [mouths] What the fuck?
[Karen] Next we have the musical stylings
of Todd Ames, singing "C'est Moi."
Tyler.
Tyler!
- [sighs] Tyler, where are you going?
- Ingrid, leave me alone.
Okay. Dan's an asshole.
Don't let him get to you.
Jesus Christ, Ingrid.
Your head is so far up your ass
about making partner,
you don't even understand
what just happened.
Okay. That's not fair.
Really? So you aren't sweeping
this under the rug
to make yourself feel better
about working with that piece of shit?
- What do you want me to do?
- What do you want to do?
[gentle music playing]
[Tyler scoffs]
You know what? I can't stay here.
I am gonna call a car home.
Something else come up
with the disclosure schedules?
This isn't about Sun Corp.
I wanna know
what you're gonna do about Dan Fallon.
You mean that routine?
The kid told a few jokes.
Dan's not a kid, Marty.
What he said is borderline actionable.
He needs to be held accountable
for what he did out there.
You know what? You're right.
I'll get into it first thing on Monday.
Is there anything else?
No.
Good night.
[exhales]
["Wrong Timing" by Black Lilys playing]
[Murphy] Ingrid!
You're leaving?
I'm going home with Tyler.
I thought
Don't go.
[sighs]
I have to go.
[car engine turns over]
Oh my love
I grow up as you wanted before ♪
But with my scars
I'm still chained to you ♪
[exhales]
My heart is a ball ♪
Of feathers and ashes
And rolls and rolls and never stops ♪
My heart is a ball ♪
My heart is a ball ♪
Of feathers and ashes
And rolls and rolls and never stops ♪
My heart is a ball ♪
Of feathers and ashes
And rolls and rolls and never stops ♪
My heart is a ball ♪
My heart is a ball ♪
Of feathers and ashes
And rolls and rolls and never stops ♪
Who ♪
Is bleeding now? ♪
Oh, my soul dies ♪
["Wrong Timing" fades out]