Partners (2012) s01e05 Episode Script
2 Broke Guys
1 - Hi.
- Wow, look at you.
What? Oh, my glasses? My contacts were killing me.
Why? Do they look bad? Bad? I love when you are wearing glasses.
In fact, you'll never guess what I´m thinking right now.
You wanna play naughty librarian and bookish architect? Yes! But this time, you play the librarian.
I-I like when you shush me.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
And so I'll be at the microfiche Shh! See, that works for me.
[ Sighs .]
Sorry we're late.
One of us was shopping, and the other one is me.
Look what I just bought! [ Chuckles .]
Oh, come on! How come all my stuff looks better on you? Be happy.
I almost bought those pants.
Oh, Wyatt.
I got a pair of glasses for you, too.
You know I don't like glasses.
They they totally change my look.
Here.
Just put them on.
[ Sighs .]
Wow, you are completely unrecognizable.
I told you, Lois.
Did you just call me "Lois"? I said "Louis.
" Why the hell are you shopping? I'm not shopping.
I'm impulse buying.
It's like getting Christmas gifts from your uncle Visa.
I guess you're not worried about work.
Why would I be worried about work? Because we don't have any.
We're between jobs.
Enjoy it.
No, we're no between jobs.
Between jobs is when you've just finished a job and you're about to start another one.
If you've just finished a job and you don't have another one, well, that's called unemployment, folks.
[ Chuckles .]
We've got that Hendrickson job coming up.
Hendrickson hasn't committed to us yet.
Trust me, the Hendrickson job is in the bag.
Oh, no, no.
It's not in the bag.
You know what's in the bag? Bills.
Bills and anxiety.
That's what's in the bag.
You want to know what's in my bag? - A new bag! - Ooh! Louis, I wanted to ask you something.
I was reading this article earlier about a real-estate developer named Henry McManus.
Is that your older brother? No, I'm afraid I do not know him.
It's his brother.
I'm confused.
I have an older brother, and I choose not to know him.
Oh, you said something about this.
You said he objected to your lifestyle.
Bad word choice.
Which word? "Lifestyle"? That one.
I'm sorry.
"Lifestyle"? You call it a "lifestyle"? No, no, my lifestyle is that I buy expensive glasses and messenger bags.
My accountant objects to my lifestyle.
My brother objects to my orientation.
My orientation is that I sleep with this big, gay superhero.
Okay, but when you told me the story about your brother, you used the word "lifestyle.
" Oh.
Well, it's okay when I say it.
Wait, what does that article say? Uh, it says he's building a whole planned community in New Jersey.
You know, it's too bad you two don't get along.
Because if that Hendrickson job He's not my brother, and we are going to get the Hendrickson job.
All right.
All right.
Okay.
Oh, oh! Look what else I got at the store.
You like it? I love it.
I'm also wearing red lace underwear.
So if anybody else is, too, you're gonna have to leave.
Ali? Wyatt: Hey, Joe.
Wyatt? Oh, hey.
I'd shake your hand, but I'm hauling around a lot of wood.
No need to brag.
[ Chuckles .]
What are you doing here? Oh, I told Ali on my days off from the hospital I'd help her build some display cases.
Oh.
Oh, I didn't know you could do that.
Yeah, well, we Mennonites pride ourselves on our carpentry.
Almost as much as we pride ourselves on being without pride.
Hey, sweetie.
What's going on? Uh, I got sick of staring at Louis while waiting to hear about the Hendrickson job, so I figured I'd take you out and stare at you while waiting to hear about the Hendrickson job.
Aww.
I'll just come back tomorrow and finish up the display cases.
[ Chuckles .]
I just got the wood thing.
Okay.
Well, thanks, Wyatt.
Bye.
What was that? What was what? You just kissed Wyatt on the mouth? I was just giving him a goodbye kiss.
On the mouth? So what? We're we're friends.
Haven't you ever just kissed a girl goodbye before? I don't know.
Every kiss I've ever given a girl has had some unsavory motive behind it.
But mine was just a quick, friendly mwah.
Well, yes, the "mwah" is what makes it friendly.
But, uh, the kiss you gave Wyatt did not have a "mwah.
" I think it did.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm positive it didn't.
The kiss you gave Wyatt was like See? It's, like, three beats of silence.
No "mwah.
" Not friendly.
I felt like I was doing the "mwah.
" Are you sure I wasn't doing the "mwah"? I was right here.
The lack of "mwa" was deafening.
Okay.
I'll definitely keep that in mind.
Thank you.
You ready to go? Um, I actually have to stay and do inventory for a couple of minutes, so I'll meet you across the street at the restaurant? Okay, sure.
Okay.
Okay.
Mwah! [ Imagine dragons' "on top of the world" plays .]
'cause I'm on top of the world, hey! I'm on top of the world, hey! waiting on this for a while now been dreaming of this since a child I'm on top of the world it was like a linger, you know.
Like, a three-second linger.
No "mwah"? No! That was the killer.
Well, come on.
Can you blame her? I still can't believe I'm with Wyatt.
It's like kissing a magazine model.
And trust me, as a closeted teenager, I kissed a lot of magazines.
And you have no problem with Ali kissing Wyatt like that? No, no.
Not at all.
I know he's not getting anything out of it.
For Wyatt, kissing Ali's like kissingA girl.
Oh, you know what? Get out your coffee club card 'cause we can get a discount here.
No, no.
Pay for it.
We're gonna get the Hendrickson job.
Okay, but until we do, we should be in the habit of being frugal, you know? Uh, we'll get that.
Black card.
Invite only.
What's the spending limit on that, Jordy? Uh, there is no spending limit on that, Nate.
What's up with that? What's up with that? Boys.
Boys.
You.
You.
You.
You.
And you.
And you.
Jordy and Nate Blevins.
Ha ha.
Look at you.
You guys look great.
Well, thank you.
That's from a little p 90 X.
Yeah.
So, how's it going at the old firm? I'm surprised they let you out for lunch.
Yeah, remember Williger? "You can eat lunch when you die!" [ Laughter .]
Whatever happened to that guy? He died.
And we got his old office.
62nd floor.
View of the park, 400-gallon aquarium.
Robot chair that helps you stand up.
[ Robotically .]
What is up with that? So, how are you guys doing? How's, uh, working on your own? Great.
Good.
Not bad.
Bad sometimes.
Don't listen to him.
It's awesome.
We got our name on the door.
We get to pick our own projects.
We get to choose our own schedule.
We're down here getting a coffee for here or to go.
You know, who knows.
See, that's the tradeoff.
We're making bank.
But we don't get to choose our own jobs.
That's why we're building a bunch of hair salons for some dude named Hendrickson? Um, you guys got the Hendrickson job? Yeah.
Why? Were Were you guys up for that? No.
Yes.
Yes.
No.
You guys do that, too? You guys do that, too? Sometimes.
Sometimes.
[ Door slams .]
What's wrong? We didn't get the Hendrickson job.
Uh-oh.
Are we gonna be okay? Well, you know, it's a disappointment.
I mean, I thought we came up with some pretty good ideas about Let me stop you.
When I say, "are we gonna be okay?" I meant, "am I gonna be okay.
" you'll be fine.
Good, because I'm a single mom with two kids, and I cannot go back to impersonating Pocahontas on a booze cruise.
Joe, that should be us, not the Blevins brothers.
We should have that town car.
We should have Wtilliger's office on the 62nd floor with the view of the park.
That that should be our view! I want that view.
Listen, calm down.
Everything's gonna be fine.
"Calm down"?! "Everything's gonna be fine," says the astonishing human shake weight?! These things happen for a reason.
Yes, they do.
They happen for a reason.
And that reason happens to be wearing last year's shoes, tie, and jeans.
Excuse me? Your wardrobe is out of date.
No, the other thing.
Oh.
You are the reason why we left the firm.
But I don't want to fight.
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't don't do that.
Don't do what? You're doing what your mother does.
You say incredibly mean things and then you say, "I don't want to fight.
" but I don't want to fight.
Well, then, don't say mean things, all right? I didn't! All I said was our careers are in the toilet and it's all your fault! But I don't want to fight.
You just did it again.
Hey, you and I always talked about leaving Fogel and Weybourne and starting our own firm.
Yes.
Yes.
We talked about it, but you are the one who walked into that meeting alone and quit! I walked into that meeting alone because you were getting a facial! It was a skin peel, dude.
That's, like, a medical procedure.
And and if I had been in that meeting, then our lives would be very different right now.
Hmm.
And by "different" you mean? Better.
[ Scoffs .]
You ruined everything.
But I don't want to fight.
You are unbelievable, you know that? Yeah, you hated it there.
The culture, the politics.
Hell, the only thing you liked was that chubby Slovakian security guard.
Well, Jaroslav had a very gentle touch for a man that large.
Come on, Joe.
Face it.
Let's just go back and ask for our old jobs back.
That ain't gonna happen, Louis.
Why? Why not? Look, I have my reasons.
Oh, you always have your reasons! What could possibly be your reason? You don't need to To know my reasons.
Why don't you just act like a man and admit that you made a mistake? Why don't you just act like a man and ask your brother for a job?! Both: I don't I don't I don't I don't want to fight.
Hey.
Hey, what are you doing here in the middle of the day? Oh, Louis and I got into a fight.
And not one of our funny fights.
One that requires a cool-down period and possibly some ice cream.
Why is it so hot in here? Oh, the heat's broken.
It won't shut off.
Wyatt's fixing it.
Wyatt's here? Uh-huh.
what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man say it again, now what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man he's a mighty, mighty good man what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man yes, he is what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man say it again, now what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man he's a mighty, mighty good man what a man, what a man, what a man are you kidding me? Oh, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't be blasting my Funky Divas in a place of business.
[ Music stops .]
Whoa.
What, did you just fall off a calendar? No.
I did almost fall off the step stool.
But at the last minute, I didn't.
Anyway, the display cases are finished, and I fixed the heat.
I'm gonna go grab some lunch, and I'll come back and pick up my stuff.
Thanks, Wyatt.
Mwah! Really? What? I gave him a kiss with a "mwah.
" Yeah.
But you added the hands to the face! The hands to the face cancels the "mwah" and adds one! Ooh.
Kissing math? Is that how you got all the brainy girls in High School to give you a little acción? Maybe.
The point is, you should not be kissing another man on the mouth.
No hands, no "mwah," no nothing! Honey, you don't need to be threatened! Wyatt is gay! Yeah, I know.
But you're not.
And I find it impossible to believe that you don't get some sort of, you know, uh, tingle when you kiss him.
There is no tingle.
I don't look at him that way.
Oh, come on.
How can you not? "He's a 6'2" Adonis with porcelain skin, pillow-top lips, and legs for arms.
I get a tingle.
And I say that as a staunch heterosexual.
Okay.
Settle down, straight guy.
You have nothing to worry about.
Well, you know, it just It just bugs me.
And you know what? I think you like that it bugs me.
What?! I don't want to fight.
I don't want to fight.
Natalie Portman or Mila Kunis? Not even a question.
I would much rather get into a fight with Natalie Portman.
Seriously? Yeah.
She's little.
I could take her.
No, I could take her.
Boys! Gay one.
Louis, it's strange that, uh, we haven't seen you in a year and a half and then we see you twice in one day? Well, you might be seeing a whole lot more of me.
I've actually got a meeting with Fogel to see about getting the old jobs back.
Well, that's a shocker.
There's nothing to say there.
I couldn't say something if I wanted to say something.
I am literally speechless right now.
So am I.
What are you not talking about? Well, given how it ended, it's just a little surprising that Joe would send you back here.
Oh, oh, yeah, Joe didn't send me here.
He actually doesn't even know I'm here.
Oh.
That explains it.
Now I can speak again.
Me, too.
What What's going on? Are you guys doing some weird twin thing? Both: What do you mean by "weird twin thing"? Oh.
[ Chuckles .]
I know that Joe quit because he didn't want to commit long-term, but, you know, I think once we have perks like I don't know Money [ Chuckles .]
He'll be back on board.
Wow.
He doesn't know.
He really doesn't know.
This is really uncomfortable for me right now.
Yeah.
I am so uncomfortable right now.
Yeah.
What what What doesn't he know? What's uncomfortable? Tell him.
Now, you didn't hear it from us No, I didn't hear anything from you, but I would like to, so please tell me.
Okay, you know how Fogel offered Joe a huge contract? Yeah, I know that.
Everybody knows that.
And the contract was for five years.
Right.
Tell me something I don't know.
The contract was for Joe and not for you.
Wait.
What? Yeah.
You were gonna get fired.
Joe quit because they were gonna keep him and not you.
Look, all I'm saying is, Wyatt has other kissing areas available, you know The cheek, the forehead.
I'd accept the nose! We always kiss on the lips.
So now if I don't kiss him on the lips, it's gonna seem like I'm making some kind of statement.
What statement? [ Sighs .]
Joe thinks it's weird that you and I kiss on the mouth.
Oh.
I-I never really thought about it well, yeah, of course you don't think about it.
You're not kissing you.
Honey, I think you're the only one who thinks about it.
Well, I don't believe you.
Wyatt, I am going to kiss you on the mouth right now to prove to Joe that I feel absolutely nothing.
Well, gosh, Al, yeah, if you think it'll help.
Mwah! See? Nothing.
I feel nothing.
No feelings at all.
You win.
Yay for me.
Wyatt, you have to leave now.
What about my stuff? I'll bring it to you No, Joe will bring it to your apartment later.
Well? Come into the back with me.
Oh.
E-excuse me, no.
I-I-I'm not gonna let you get turned on by Wyatt and then use me to relieve your, uh, uh, uh No.
I got a little more dignity than that.
Bring the boom box! Okay, yeah.
Good.
what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man say it again, now hey, is Louis here? No.
Where is he? I'm not allowed to say.
Says who? Says Louis.
He's my boss, and he told me not to tell you.
Yeah, well, I'm also your boss, and I'm telling you to tell me.
Sorry.
I gave my word.
Will $20 get you to bump your gums? No, but it'll get me to tell you where he is.
He wanted the train schedule to Scarsdale.
Oh, I can't believe he's going to Scarsdale.
What's in Scarsdale? I can't tell you that, Ro-Ro.
That's between me and Louis.
Will $20 get you to hoot like an owl? No, but it'll get me to tell you the story.
His brother lives in Scarsdale.
And when Louis came out of the closet, Henry told him it would be better if he went back in.
Yeah.
[ Sighs .]
And Louis told him that he no longer had a brother.
What train did he say he was taking? That I can't tell you.
He was very specific.
The 5:22 out of Grand Central.
5:22, huh? I'm gonna need to bring a big club with me.
St.
Theresa, why? That information will cost you $20.
Why do you need a club? It's my favorite sandwich.
And I'm hungry.
"Hello, Henry.
" "Oh, Henry.
" No.
"I love the shoes, Hank.
" "Henry, no more wire hanger" "Henry, you homophobe.
I don't want to fight.
" Oh, my God.
You even do that with yourself.
What are you doing here? Did Ro-Ro tell you I was here? What are you doing here? You were right.
I'm gonna ask my brother to hire us.
I didn't mean that, okay? I was angry.
I would never want you Joe, I know what you did.
I found out this afternoon.
Well, uh, of course I quit, okay? Of course I quit.
I would never work without you.
And it wasn't a sacrifice.
Do you know how much the Blevins brothers make? Ah, who cares? How much? Doesn't matter.
Give me a ballpark.
Five times what we make.
That's a big ballpark.
See? Joe, I am happy to knock on this door and beg my brother to hire us.
And by "happy," I mean I'll hate myself, but I'll do it.
You don't need to.
We're gonna be fine.
You're right.
You're right.
Besides, I don't have a brother.
Yes, you do.
Guess I got all the looks, huh? [ Chuckling .]
Really? I say something really nice to you, and that's what you come back at me with? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It got too serious.
I had to undercut it.
But I-I-I do appreciate it.
You know what? I think we could pull off being brothers.
Both: Except we don't have any weird quirks.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
So you got a job in Scarsdale? Yeah, on the way home, we stopped at the sandwich shop.
We started pitching remodeling ideas to the owner, and now we're doing six of his stores.
Once again, my love for a club sandwich has saved the day! [ Chuckles .]
"Once again"? When has that ever happened? Well, remember the time that I was hungry and it almost ruined my day? Fellas, what's going on? We actually came by here to tell you that you inspired us.
Yep, because of your courage, we decided to set out on our own and follow in your footsteps.
You got fired.
So fired.
Ass-canned.
Probably getting sued.
Sayonara.
Yep.
Okay, I've got to go to work.
I will see you at home.
I will see you later.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Wyatt [ Clears throat .]
- Wow, look at you.
What? Oh, my glasses? My contacts were killing me.
Why? Do they look bad? Bad? I love when you are wearing glasses.
In fact, you'll never guess what I´m thinking right now.
You wanna play naughty librarian and bookish architect? Yes! But this time, you play the librarian.
I-I like when you shush me.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
And so I'll be at the microfiche Shh! See, that works for me.
[ Sighs .]
Sorry we're late.
One of us was shopping, and the other one is me.
Look what I just bought! [ Chuckles .]
Oh, come on! How come all my stuff looks better on you? Be happy.
I almost bought those pants.
Oh, Wyatt.
I got a pair of glasses for you, too.
You know I don't like glasses.
They they totally change my look.
Here.
Just put them on.
[ Sighs .]
Wow, you are completely unrecognizable.
I told you, Lois.
Did you just call me "Lois"? I said "Louis.
" Why the hell are you shopping? I'm not shopping.
I'm impulse buying.
It's like getting Christmas gifts from your uncle Visa.
I guess you're not worried about work.
Why would I be worried about work? Because we don't have any.
We're between jobs.
Enjoy it.
No, we're no between jobs.
Between jobs is when you've just finished a job and you're about to start another one.
If you've just finished a job and you don't have another one, well, that's called unemployment, folks.
[ Chuckles .]
We've got that Hendrickson job coming up.
Hendrickson hasn't committed to us yet.
Trust me, the Hendrickson job is in the bag.
Oh, no, no.
It's not in the bag.
You know what's in the bag? Bills.
Bills and anxiety.
That's what's in the bag.
You want to know what's in my bag? - A new bag! - Ooh! Louis, I wanted to ask you something.
I was reading this article earlier about a real-estate developer named Henry McManus.
Is that your older brother? No, I'm afraid I do not know him.
It's his brother.
I'm confused.
I have an older brother, and I choose not to know him.
Oh, you said something about this.
You said he objected to your lifestyle.
Bad word choice.
Which word? "Lifestyle"? That one.
I'm sorry.
"Lifestyle"? You call it a "lifestyle"? No, no, my lifestyle is that I buy expensive glasses and messenger bags.
My accountant objects to my lifestyle.
My brother objects to my orientation.
My orientation is that I sleep with this big, gay superhero.
Okay, but when you told me the story about your brother, you used the word "lifestyle.
" Oh.
Well, it's okay when I say it.
Wait, what does that article say? Uh, it says he's building a whole planned community in New Jersey.
You know, it's too bad you two don't get along.
Because if that Hendrickson job He's not my brother, and we are going to get the Hendrickson job.
All right.
All right.
Okay.
Oh, oh! Look what else I got at the store.
You like it? I love it.
I'm also wearing red lace underwear.
So if anybody else is, too, you're gonna have to leave.
Ali? Wyatt: Hey, Joe.
Wyatt? Oh, hey.
I'd shake your hand, but I'm hauling around a lot of wood.
No need to brag.
[ Chuckles .]
What are you doing here? Oh, I told Ali on my days off from the hospital I'd help her build some display cases.
Oh.
Oh, I didn't know you could do that.
Yeah, well, we Mennonites pride ourselves on our carpentry.
Almost as much as we pride ourselves on being without pride.
Hey, sweetie.
What's going on? Uh, I got sick of staring at Louis while waiting to hear about the Hendrickson job, so I figured I'd take you out and stare at you while waiting to hear about the Hendrickson job.
Aww.
I'll just come back tomorrow and finish up the display cases.
[ Chuckles .]
I just got the wood thing.
Okay.
Well, thanks, Wyatt.
Bye.
What was that? What was what? You just kissed Wyatt on the mouth? I was just giving him a goodbye kiss.
On the mouth? So what? We're we're friends.
Haven't you ever just kissed a girl goodbye before? I don't know.
Every kiss I've ever given a girl has had some unsavory motive behind it.
But mine was just a quick, friendly mwah.
Well, yes, the "mwah" is what makes it friendly.
But, uh, the kiss you gave Wyatt did not have a "mwah.
" I think it did.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm positive it didn't.
The kiss you gave Wyatt was like See? It's, like, three beats of silence.
No "mwah.
" Not friendly.
I felt like I was doing the "mwah.
" Are you sure I wasn't doing the "mwah"? I was right here.
The lack of "mwa" was deafening.
Okay.
I'll definitely keep that in mind.
Thank you.
You ready to go? Um, I actually have to stay and do inventory for a couple of minutes, so I'll meet you across the street at the restaurant? Okay, sure.
Okay.
Okay.
Mwah! [ Imagine dragons' "on top of the world" plays .]
'cause I'm on top of the world, hey! I'm on top of the world, hey! waiting on this for a while now been dreaming of this since a child I'm on top of the world it was like a linger, you know.
Like, a three-second linger.
No "mwah"? No! That was the killer.
Well, come on.
Can you blame her? I still can't believe I'm with Wyatt.
It's like kissing a magazine model.
And trust me, as a closeted teenager, I kissed a lot of magazines.
And you have no problem with Ali kissing Wyatt like that? No, no.
Not at all.
I know he's not getting anything out of it.
For Wyatt, kissing Ali's like kissingA girl.
Oh, you know what? Get out your coffee club card 'cause we can get a discount here.
No, no.
Pay for it.
We're gonna get the Hendrickson job.
Okay, but until we do, we should be in the habit of being frugal, you know? Uh, we'll get that.
Black card.
Invite only.
What's the spending limit on that, Jordy? Uh, there is no spending limit on that, Nate.
What's up with that? What's up with that? Boys.
Boys.
You.
You.
You.
You.
And you.
And you.
Jordy and Nate Blevins.
Ha ha.
Look at you.
You guys look great.
Well, thank you.
That's from a little p 90 X.
Yeah.
So, how's it going at the old firm? I'm surprised they let you out for lunch.
Yeah, remember Williger? "You can eat lunch when you die!" [ Laughter .]
Whatever happened to that guy? He died.
And we got his old office.
62nd floor.
View of the park, 400-gallon aquarium.
Robot chair that helps you stand up.
[ Robotically .]
What is up with that? So, how are you guys doing? How's, uh, working on your own? Great.
Good.
Not bad.
Bad sometimes.
Don't listen to him.
It's awesome.
We got our name on the door.
We get to pick our own projects.
We get to choose our own schedule.
We're down here getting a coffee for here or to go.
You know, who knows.
See, that's the tradeoff.
We're making bank.
But we don't get to choose our own jobs.
That's why we're building a bunch of hair salons for some dude named Hendrickson? Um, you guys got the Hendrickson job? Yeah.
Why? Were Were you guys up for that? No.
Yes.
Yes.
No.
You guys do that, too? You guys do that, too? Sometimes.
Sometimes.
[ Door slams .]
What's wrong? We didn't get the Hendrickson job.
Uh-oh.
Are we gonna be okay? Well, you know, it's a disappointment.
I mean, I thought we came up with some pretty good ideas about Let me stop you.
When I say, "are we gonna be okay?" I meant, "am I gonna be okay.
" you'll be fine.
Good, because I'm a single mom with two kids, and I cannot go back to impersonating Pocahontas on a booze cruise.
Joe, that should be us, not the Blevins brothers.
We should have that town car.
We should have Wtilliger's office on the 62nd floor with the view of the park.
That that should be our view! I want that view.
Listen, calm down.
Everything's gonna be fine.
"Calm down"?! "Everything's gonna be fine," says the astonishing human shake weight?! These things happen for a reason.
Yes, they do.
They happen for a reason.
And that reason happens to be wearing last year's shoes, tie, and jeans.
Excuse me? Your wardrobe is out of date.
No, the other thing.
Oh.
You are the reason why we left the firm.
But I don't want to fight.
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't don't do that.
Don't do what? You're doing what your mother does.
You say incredibly mean things and then you say, "I don't want to fight.
" but I don't want to fight.
Well, then, don't say mean things, all right? I didn't! All I said was our careers are in the toilet and it's all your fault! But I don't want to fight.
You just did it again.
Hey, you and I always talked about leaving Fogel and Weybourne and starting our own firm.
Yes.
Yes.
We talked about it, but you are the one who walked into that meeting alone and quit! I walked into that meeting alone because you were getting a facial! It was a skin peel, dude.
That's, like, a medical procedure.
And and if I had been in that meeting, then our lives would be very different right now.
Hmm.
And by "different" you mean? Better.
[ Scoffs .]
You ruined everything.
But I don't want to fight.
You are unbelievable, you know that? Yeah, you hated it there.
The culture, the politics.
Hell, the only thing you liked was that chubby Slovakian security guard.
Well, Jaroslav had a very gentle touch for a man that large.
Come on, Joe.
Face it.
Let's just go back and ask for our old jobs back.
That ain't gonna happen, Louis.
Why? Why not? Look, I have my reasons.
Oh, you always have your reasons! What could possibly be your reason? You don't need to To know my reasons.
Why don't you just act like a man and admit that you made a mistake? Why don't you just act like a man and ask your brother for a job?! Both: I don't I don't I don't I don't want to fight.
Hey.
Hey, what are you doing here in the middle of the day? Oh, Louis and I got into a fight.
And not one of our funny fights.
One that requires a cool-down period and possibly some ice cream.
Why is it so hot in here? Oh, the heat's broken.
It won't shut off.
Wyatt's fixing it.
Wyatt's here? Uh-huh.
what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man say it again, now what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man he's a mighty, mighty good man what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man yes, he is what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man say it again, now what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man he's a mighty, mighty good man what a man, what a man, what a man are you kidding me? Oh, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't be blasting my Funky Divas in a place of business.
[ Music stops .]
Whoa.
What, did you just fall off a calendar? No.
I did almost fall off the step stool.
But at the last minute, I didn't.
Anyway, the display cases are finished, and I fixed the heat.
I'm gonna go grab some lunch, and I'll come back and pick up my stuff.
Thanks, Wyatt.
Mwah! Really? What? I gave him a kiss with a "mwah.
" Yeah.
But you added the hands to the face! The hands to the face cancels the "mwah" and adds one! Ooh.
Kissing math? Is that how you got all the brainy girls in High School to give you a little acción? Maybe.
The point is, you should not be kissing another man on the mouth.
No hands, no "mwah," no nothing! Honey, you don't need to be threatened! Wyatt is gay! Yeah, I know.
But you're not.
And I find it impossible to believe that you don't get some sort of, you know, uh, tingle when you kiss him.
There is no tingle.
I don't look at him that way.
Oh, come on.
How can you not? "He's a 6'2" Adonis with porcelain skin, pillow-top lips, and legs for arms.
I get a tingle.
And I say that as a staunch heterosexual.
Okay.
Settle down, straight guy.
You have nothing to worry about.
Well, you know, it just It just bugs me.
And you know what? I think you like that it bugs me.
What?! I don't want to fight.
I don't want to fight.
Natalie Portman or Mila Kunis? Not even a question.
I would much rather get into a fight with Natalie Portman.
Seriously? Yeah.
She's little.
I could take her.
No, I could take her.
Boys! Gay one.
Louis, it's strange that, uh, we haven't seen you in a year and a half and then we see you twice in one day? Well, you might be seeing a whole lot more of me.
I've actually got a meeting with Fogel to see about getting the old jobs back.
Well, that's a shocker.
There's nothing to say there.
I couldn't say something if I wanted to say something.
I am literally speechless right now.
So am I.
What are you not talking about? Well, given how it ended, it's just a little surprising that Joe would send you back here.
Oh, oh, yeah, Joe didn't send me here.
He actually doesn't even know I'm here.
Oh.
That explains it.
Now I can speak again.
Me, too.
What What's going on? Are you guys doing some weird twin thing? Both: What do you mean by "weird twin thing"? Oh.
[ Chuckles .]
I know that Joe quit because he didn't want to commit long-term, but, you know, I think once we have perks like I don't know Money [ Chuckles .]
He'll be back on board.
Wow.
He doesn't know.
He really doesn't know.
This is really uncomfortable for me right now.
Yeah.
I am so uncomfortable right now.
Yeah.
What what What doesn't he know? What's uncomfortable? Tell him.
Now, you didn't hear it from us No, I didn't hear anything from you, but I would like to, so please tell me.
Okay, you know how Fogel offered Joe a huge contract? Yeah, I know that.
Everybody knows that.
And the contract was for five years.
Right.
Tell me something I don't know.
The contract was for Joe and not for you.
Wait.
What? Yeah.
You were gonna get fired.
Joe quit because they were gonna keep him and not you.
Look, all I'm saying is, Wyatt has other kissing areas available, you know The cheek, the forehead.
I'd accept the nose! We always kiss on the lips.
So now if I don't kiss him on the lips, it's gonna seem like I'm making some kind of statement.
What statement? [ Sighs .]
Joe thinks it's weird that you and I kiss on the mouth.
Oh.
I-I never really thought about it well, yeah, of course you don't think about it.
You're not kissing you.
Honey, I think you're the only one who thinks about it.
Well, I don't believe you.
Wyatt, I am going to kiss you on the mouth right now to prove to Joe that I feel absolutely nothing.
Well, gosh, Al, yeah, if you think it'll help.
Mwah! See? Nothing.
I feel nothing.
No feelings at all.
You win.
Yay for me.
Wyatt, you have to leave now.
What about my stuff? I'll bring it to you No, Joe will bring it to your apartment later.
Well? Come into the back with me.
Oh.
E-excuse me, no.
I-I-I'm not gonna let you get turned on by Wyatt and then use me to relieve your, uh, uh, uh No.
I got a little more dignity than that.
Bring the boom box! Okay, yeah.
Good.
what a man, what a man, what a man what a mighty good man say it again, now hey, is Louis here? No.
Where is he? I'm not allowed to say.
Says who? Says Louis.
He's my boss, and he told me not to tell you.
Yeah, well, I'm also your boss, and I'm telling you to tell me.
Sorry.
I gave my word.
Will $20 get you to bump your gums? No, but it'll get me to tell you where he is.
He wanted the train schedule to Scarsdale.
Oh, I can't believe he's going to Scarsdale.
What's in Scarsdale? I can't tell you that, Ro-Ro.
That's between me and Louis.
Will $20 get you to hoot like an owl? No, but it'll get me to tell you the story.
His brother lives in Scarsdale.
And when Louis came out of the closet, Henry told him it would be better if he went back in.
Yeah.
[ Sighs .]
And Louis told him that he no longer had a brother.
What train did he say he was taking? That I can't tell you.
He was very specific.
The 5:22 out of Grand Central.
5:22, huh? I'm gonna need to bring a big club with me.
St.
Theresa, why? That information will cost you $20.
Why do you need a club? It's my favorite sandwich.
And I'm hungry.
"Hello, Henry.
" "Oh, Henry.
" No.
"I love the shoes, Hank.
" "Henry, no more wire hanger" "Henry, you homophobe.
I don't want to fight.
" Oh, my God.
You even do that with yourself.
What are you doing here? Did Ro-Ro tell you I was here? What are you doing here? You were right.
I'm gonna ask my brother to hire us.
I didn't mean that, okay? I was angry.
I would never want you Joe, I know what you did.
I found out this afternoon.
Well, uh, of course I quit, okay? Of course I quit.
I would never work without you.
And it wasn't a sacrifice.
Do you know how much the Blevins brothers make? Ah, who cares? How much? Doesn't matter.
Give me a ballpark.
Five times what we make.
That's a big ballpark.
See? Joe, I am happy to knock on this door and beg my brother to hire us.
And by "happy," I mean I'll hate myself, but I'll do it.
You don't need to.
We're gonna be fine.
You're right.
You're right.
Besides, I don't have a brother.
Yes, you do.
Guess I got all the looks, huh? [ Chuckling .]
Really? I say something really nice to you, and that's what you come back at me with? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It got too serious.
I had to undercut it.
But I-I-I do appreciate it.
You know what? I think we could pull off being brothers.
Both: Except we don't have any weird quirks.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
So you got a job in Scarsdale? Yeah, on the way home, we stopped at the sandwich shop.
We started pitching remodeling ideas to the owner, and now we're doing six of his stores.
Once again, my love for a club sandwich has saved the day! [ Chuckles .]
"Once again"? When has that ever happened? Well, remember the time that I was hungry and it almost ruined my day? Fellas, what's going on? We actually came by here to tell you that you inspired us.
Yep, because of your courage, we decided to set out on our own and follow in your footsteps.
You got fired.
So fired.
Ass-canned.
Probably getting sued.
Sayonara.
Yep.
Okay, I've got to go to work.
I will see you at home.
I will see you later.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Wyatt [ Clears throat .]