Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero (2014) s01e05 Episode Script

Wherever good is threatened, heroes rise to the challenge and always save the day! Except when they don't.
And that's when I go to work.
I zap in two dimensions every day It's my job to be a hero, save the world And make things right Kung fu moles, rescue trolls Punch a zombie! score a goal! I'm a robot, I'm a rabbit, I'm a knight Stretching, swinging, sliding by Kicking monsters in the eye Boone and Sashi always sticking by my side No villain's gonna stop Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero Hey, uh, Phyllis? I was wondering if you could maybe take it easy on us today.
This week we've already faced Slaughterbots, Slug Soldiers and a pack of rabid space-gerbils.
Then good news, Penn Zero.
Today is day of relaxing quiet.
Don't toy with me, Phyllis.
I'm feeling very vulnerable.
Quiet starting now! We work in a food court? - We're just normal, everyday schlubs! - I know.
I'm middle-aged.
Check it out.
Clicky knee.
I could get used to this.
Just let some lowlife pull the five-fingered discount on my watch.
This place is empty.
Could this be the world's biggest game of hide-and-seek? - Are we "it"? - It's perfect.
So, what have we got, Sash? Refill the napkin dispensers? Take out the garbage? Clean the grill?! Okay - Uhh! Boone! - Oops.
Sorry about that.
But hey, on the plus side, ketchup cat in the house! Ketchup cat better pray there's an eyeglass repair shop in this mall, or we'll never figure out what we're doing here.
Consider us on ultra-high alert mode.
Life is fine, and I don't mind 'Cause I've got time to kill Mama said don't waste your time When you've got time to kill 'Cause it's a little bit late And a little too long Since I took the time And I sang this song 'Cause it's a quarter past ten and Okay, where's Sashi with our real mission? I thought you wanted to chill out.
Yeah, chill out, not pass out from boredom.
Here's a work log thingy.
It says here we're supposed to pass out free Brainzburgerz samples.
- Ooh, how exciting.
- You better watch the 'tude, mister! Sorry.
Clipboard went to my head.
Thank goodness you're normal! Listen carefully! The fate Uhh! Oh, we should come up with jingle.
Right.
Oh, I got it.
Brainzburgerz are good for you Brainzburgerz, and you and you and you You can't just keep rhyming "you" with "you".
I'd like to see you come up with a word that rhymes with "you".
- Shoe, blue, clue, flu, two, new, goo - What did I say about the 'tude?! If you're not careful, I'll give your Wednesday shift to Nancy.
Dude! I am responsible for that clipboard! We are being attacked by a zombie! Hold on.
Wait, wait, wait.
- Boone, is that you screaming? - Yes! I've seen every zombie movie ever, and they always hunt by sound.
We have to stay super quiet.
Uh uh-oh.
Whoa, cool.
My mama's birthday is coming up.
She loves crackin' pepper.
Boone, there's no reason for you to be doing that.
There's zombies out there Ah-ah-choo! Run! Turns out it's hard to find an eyeglass store that stays open during the zombie apocalypse.
Brainzburgerz is an evil corporation attempting to take over the world by turning everyone into zombies with infected burgers.
What's a fast food guy supposed to do about it? In your typical zombie movie, the hero is an everyman who discovers that there's more to him than meets the eye.
The cure falls into your hands, so you're the only one who can deliver it - to a nearby government base.
- But I don't have the cure.
The antidote is supposed to be in a metal briefcase.
Metal briefcase! Thank goodness you're normal! Listen carefully! The fate Uhh! - Battery's dead.
- The cure is in that fountain, there! I have an idea.
Yeah, that was a bad idea.
Thought the fountain would be a little closer.
My bad.
Relax.
Zombies can't untie knots.
Well, somebody's never seen Zombies Ahoy.
Really? Sailor zombie in a mall?! Unbelievable! Yes! We made it! To an even worse situation! No! Helicopter! We're saved! Or not.
In a matter of days, the world's population will be nothing but a sea of mindless zombies.
And I shall be their king! Larry, the burgers don't need to be in gift baskets.
There's no reason the zombie apocalypse can't come in an inviting presentation that makes the recipient feel warm and good about themselves as they turn into a monster.
Brainzburgerz, they're good for you Brainzburgerz, for you, you and you Brainzburgerz, they're good for you All right, there's the government base.
Sorry.
When I get stressed, I eat.
Boone! No! Our only chance to save him is to get this to the base.
Penn Zero, I see you've somehow managed to stumble upon the antidote.
No matter.
I've brought a special toy just for you.
- Penn! No! Ugh - Sashi! Ah! Ooh, yummy in my tummy.
Sash! Are you okay? Sashi, I liked it a lot better when you were on my side! Larry, I need more ammo.
Would you mind? Larry? - Larry? - Uhh! You could've at least taken the wrapper off first.
Larry, your rants are even more annoying when I can't understand them.
Last we heard, undercover Agent Samuelson sent word that he'd infiltrated Brainzburgerz' lab and has synthesized an antidote.
Now he's gone missing.
He was our only hope.
I say we board our escape shuttle, blast off and start a new life on the Moon! General! Send the man in the Moon your regrets, because we're having a potluck on Earth, and this everyman is bringing the antidote.
I'm sorry.
Who are you, and why are you throwing a potluck? Uh, I was just trying to sound cool.
I don't know if that was effective or but I've got the cure for the zombie apocalypse? You heard this fast food employee.
Initiate Operation Stop Crazy Zombie Hamburger Attack! Hey, zombies! You know what goes great with burgers? - Huh? - A side of fries! Making French fries out of the cure was simply brilliant! But it was your minimum wage bravery that saved the world.
Please stop.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's just your fingers have French fry grease on them.
Hey, guys.
It's good to have you back.
Guess this assignment wasn't as relaxing as you hoped.
No.
But, boring or dangerous, - saving the day is all part of the job.
- Sweet! Free burger! No! Sweet! Free burger! Sweet! Free burger! Sweet! Free bur Ugh.
- You enjoyed that one, didn't you? - Most definitely.
You can't call it juggling if you're using one ball.
All the famous jugglers started with one ball.
- Name one famous juggler.
- Lazlo Matavaqua.
- Oh, yeah.
- And the crowd goes wild! - Yeah Uhh! - Time for silliness is over.
Prepare for danger like you've never imagined.
My baby! My baby! We're falling! Thanks, bub.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
That was sweet.
- Who uses a pie to break someone's fall? - I think that's the point.
The clowns-people will do whatever it takes to make each other laugh.
Ha ha! Look at it! They make me want to break something.
All right, obviously we are clown police.
Boone must be at HQ.
Let's roll.
Ha ha! Pie in the face.
Classic.
Hello? It's for you, detective.
Law and order isn't funny business.
Shouldn't you guys be doing cop stuff? Shouldn't you be getting sprayed in the face? Hey, you two clowns! Get in here, or you're suspended! Oh, ho, ho! Ahem.
Have a seat.
Oops.
Where did those come from? Guys, we're not here to play with whoopee cushions.
I get it.
That was my bad.
I'm sorry.
It's funny, 'cause it sounds like a yeah.
Hey, I don't want to hear another whoopee cushion, I don't want to see another whoopee cushion, and I don't want to sit on So, no whoopee cushions, then? Okay.
Thank you.
Our mission is to save Chuckle City from a giant whoopee cushion.
You're right, Sash.
How do we stop this hilarious weapon? Notorious evil clowns Farpling and Flaily need the launch key to activate the weapon.
But it's under the protection of the police commissioner.
Oh, no! The police commissioner left his placard on my desk.
Ooh! If I survive this, make sure the police commissioner gets his placard back! Wait, guys! I think it's me! I'm the police commissioner! Once we get the key from that dangling fool, we can activate the whoopee cushion and destroy the city.
You know how you always say we don't have enough - pictures together? - I've never said that once, Larry.
Ta-da! Clown selfie! Whoa! Ohh! - Out! - Okay! - This is getting old.
- It was getting old.
Now it's coming back around to funny again.
I hate this town.
Penn Zero thinks he can catch me? Ha! Now we know who's the real clown.
- Goons, it's show time! - Okay, boss.
Hit it! Make my day, you bozos! Uh, you're missing the point here.
This world has its own rules.
Find your inner clown, Sash.
You gotta embrace your wacky side.
Here, take the wheel.
Classic! Huh? Is that bacon? Well, technically it's turkey bacon, but it should do the trick.
Sorry, PZ, but I don't do wacky.
Hold on! There's an emergency parachute! Sashi, no! You don't know what might What part of "be silly" do you not understand?! Now, this is a clown-world parachute! - I don't belong here.
- What do you mean, Sash? I can't even take out a bad guy.
I drove us off a cliff! Your underpants are more helpful than me.
I'm gonna blow the whole mission.
I gotta sit this one out.
Sashi, no, wait.
Forget it, Penn.
It's Chuckle City.
This novelty weapon was decommissioned after the great Whoopee Wars, but today it will blow again! "Whoopee Wars.
" You won't be laughing once I use your key to annihilate Chuckle City.
Sorry, evil clown, but I don't have a key.
We'll see about that.
Larry? Koochie-koochie-koo.
- Ah-choo! - Gesundheit.
This is gross.
Victory is mi Ohh! Don't worry.
These are free-range rubber chickens.
Ptoo! Get him! Uh-oh.
Hmm.
- Why the long face? - I'm a failure.
Not you.
Him.
Thanks, Mitch.
- So, what'll it be? - Just a water.
Huh.
Don't get a lot of sad clowns in here.
Creepy clowns, sure.
No offense, Henry.
Help me-e-e-e! I'm not sad.
I'm angry that I'm a terrible clown.
This just in the giant whoopee cushion has been turned towards Chuckle City and is inflating.
Everyone should evacuate in an orderly fashion.
Oh, no.
Penn needs me! - Easy, hey, watch the felt.
- Listen to me, I need to be silly.
But it's my job to be tough.
What am I gonna do? Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
You have to be tough to be able to laugh at yourself.
That's why clowns can bounce back from anything.
Go ahead, insult me.
Take a shot.
Uh, okay.
You have a big butt? What?! This back porch right here? See? Laughing at yourself is the first step to being a good clown.
Now, they can help you with steps 2 through 36.
Knock 'em dead, kid! Time to bust some guts.
It's the competent one.
Get her! You can do it, Sashi! Break their funny bones! Hut-hut-hut! Hut-hut-hut! Silent but deadly.
Whoa! That was amazing! And funny! I'm afraid your personal breakthrough has come a little too late.
Penn, stretch out your suspenders! Time to let her rip! It's show time! I know it hurts now, but you'll get used to it eventually.
Oh, no.
Please, no.
Sorry, Rip.
He who smelt it dealt it.
No, but that doesn't make sense in this context! Excuse me.
That was great, Sash.
Maybe now you'll have a sense of humor in real life, too.
- Ow! - Ow! Come on! Learn to take a joke.