Physical (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

1 ["DRIVING MY LIFE AWAY" PLAYING.]
Hey, waitress pour me another cup of coffee ♪ Pop it down, jack me up, shoot me out flyin' down the highway ♪ Lookin' for the mornin' ♪ Okay.
Just hear me out, please.
In the video, we wear leotards with "Body by Bunny" silk screened across them, and at the end, we put up a card on the screen that says, "To learn more, come to Playa del Vista mall and take our class".
- What do you think? - You know what I think.
I know what you said.
What I think is I'm not turning my class into a fucking home videotape is what I think.
What about all the women out there who'll love it? Who need it? [SHEILA.]
They need it, but they can't get to it because of family obligations, self-esteem.
But if they could pop in a tape and just focus on that one moment for themselves, their health, to feel powerful, we could make a real business out of that.
- I think.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Hey, Bunny, let people pay one time to take your class at home forever so they won't need you in the flesh anymore.
[CHUCKLES.]
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
You know what I'm not gonna be doing? - [THUDS.]
- That! Doughnut? They're not that old.
Does she really not see it? Or does she just really not like me? Or you just keep describing it in words.
I mean, she's a super visual person who does not like you.
She needs to see it see it.
That's how she puts shit together.
Like this one time, she just did not get what I was asking, and I ended up having to go to the fucking library to take out - So we need to shoot a sample - um, what's it called? - like a test run.
- Kama Sutra.
And fuck yeah.
We should shoot it at the beach.
High sun, low tide.
Plenty of flat light diffused in that ocean spray.
Health and beauty reminds everybody how good they feel at the beach.
[TYLER.]
We could do it without a permit if we're quick.
I know a sound dude from porn.
He went to NYU.
When are we doing this? [JERRY.]
Tuesday's canvass is pretty well spaced out.
Wednesday's is a little tight, but it's all Imperial Beach.
Now Friday, we have the Methodists and the guy who used to skipper the Greenpeace boats.
Are all of these events potlucks? [CLICKS TONGUE.]
Wednesday's Rotary Club thing, you're judging a baked cheese contest.
So, no, not all of them.
Why? What's wrong with potlucks? Well, I mean [EXHALES.]
I just If I don't have a bite of every single dish, no matter how full I am, I always seem to offend somebody who's baked some The wives just want the pretty lady to tell them that they're good, so why is that hard? Well, I'm just not used to eating so much in the middle of the day.
- You gotta learn to pace yourself, hon.
- Yeah.
[STAMMERS.]
Or we could just cherry pick the events where my being there would actually mean something.
I'm doing all of the work, Sheil.
Do you think I wouldn't rather eat hot cheese than get hammered over regulatory land use reform? You know, the Sheila I knew at Berkeley would have been excited - to get out there and spread the message.
- [DANNY.]
Yeah.
Not look for ways to avoid them so she can jazzercise.
[SCOFFS.]
I know you grew up in a shallow place with shallow people, but you were never like them before.
[MAYA.]
Mommy.
No, no, no, no, no.
Please.
Let me.
You're a good dad, man.
[SHEILA.]
Okay.
It's one thing to take this shit from Danny, but this asshole too? No, no, no.
- I'm shallow? That's what you think? - [BREATHES DEEPLY.]
I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, Sheil.
I'm just being honest.
You know, it's like Vladimir Ilich said, "The attitude of a political party to its mistakes is the surest criteria of its intentions to fulfill its obligations to the people".
You're a fucking asshole.
- What? - Who was fulfilling their obligation when they got Danny to drop acid and left me at the Shore Club alone? And when I got home to an old, shirtless hippie frying fish, high with teenagers in my kitchen, was that my mistake or yours? Look, it's not my finest hours, Sheil.
You're getting paid to do a job, Jerry.
And I do not need to go to every fucking meet and greet.
That's what Mike Schmidt's wife does because that's what Pat fucking Nixon did.
But we're not doing things that way, right? We want a new world order.
I'll come to the most important events.
I'll tell you which ones they are.
And the rest of them, you're going to get me out of.
Who's going to get me out of them? - You.
- Yes.
- [STAMMERS.]
I mean me.
- That's what I meant.
You.
- Me.
I'm go - Yes.
Who - Who? Who? - Me, Jerry, is gonna get you out of 'em.
Jerry.
And just take that outside.
In fact, go for a walk and bake.
I can't stand the sight of you.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Hi.
I tried calling.
Is it okay if I left Maya here for, like, an hour or two to Ernie thinks Miriam stole his video camera.
What? Miriam, your nanny? Miriam, my everything.
Miriam who irons Ernie's dress shirts.
Miriam who puts gas in the car.
Miriam who knows all the words to "Conjunction Junction", 'cause that song is so long.
- What did she say? - That she didn't.
And I begged Ernie not to fire her.
But he says that I'm refusing to look at the truth that is right in front of my face.
I mean, [SIGHS.]
this is probably my fault, right? This is a good excuse to cheat on me because I'm too dumb to know I hired a thief.
I'm so sorry.
This is terrible.
No, no, I'm sorry.
So I can't take Maya today because I haven't slept, and the twins are on a tear.
And I have to figure out where Miriam keeps the everything, so What if he just took it somewhere and he used it and forgot about it, right? Or he just put it down in a new place? Is Miriam gonna be okay? I [SIGHS.]
I told the kids that she's on vacation, - but I think they know I'm lying.
- [TWINS SCREAMING.]
I don't know what that was.
I have to go.
Good luck.
- [BOY YELLS.]
- [GRETA.]
Put that down! Goodbye.
Bye.
[SHEILA.]
Hey.
Who's this? The DJ? It's my daughter, Maya.
- I'm sorry.
My plans fell through.
- We should get started.
Just 'cause we don't need a permit doesn't mean the cops aren't gonna hassle us.
[AIR HORN HONKS.]
[LIFEGUARD.]
Go! Hurry up.
[TYLER.]
The lifeguard's been running training drills all morning.
Oh.
That air horn's a new development, though.
- [LIFEGUARD.]
Let's move it! - Okay.
- [LIFEGUARD.]
Hurry up! - Come here, sweetie.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING.]
Sweep.
And sweep.
Sweep.
Sweep.
Sweep.
Five, six, seven, eight, and kick.
Kick.
Oh, shit.
I'm sorry.
- [TYLER.]
Uh, don't lift your legs so high.
- Okay.
Okay.
Or maybe lift it higher? Higher? Okay.
And kick.
Kick.
Kick.
Ow! That's a bit too high, I think.
- We should stop.
- [SHEILA.]
Okay.
Four, three, two, one, and jog.
Yeah, I was completely out of focus.
That's my bad.
Just do it again.
Three, two, one, and punch it up.
Punch it up.
Punch it up.
Punch it up.
Punch it up.
Maya! Stay here.
Come on.
Let's keep going.
Okay.
Five, six, seven, eight, and Maya! Lift those knees for eight, seven, six, five, four, three [SHEILA.]
They're all staring at you, heifer.
They're all wondering what the fuck you think you're doing.
Who the fuck you think you are? [NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
[AIR HORN HONKS.]
- [PANTING.]
Oh, God.
- [AIR HORN HONKS.]
[PANTING.]
[SHIP HORN BLOWS.]
- That's, uh I guess we're done.
- [WHISTLE BLOWS.]
- [TYLER.]
We got enough.
Probably.
- [MAYA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
[SHEILA.]
He can't even look at you.
There's definitely stuff there.
[SHEILA.]
With your wrinkly ass face and your fat ass.
Can I watch it first? Sure, I guess.
I mean, how come? [SHEILA.]
To teach myself a fucking lesson.
Just to see.
You should consider actually buying one of these babies.
Best thing to happen to families since time-outs.
Oh, I'm fine.
Just renting one for now.
And when you do, Betamax is by far the superior format.
By far.
Better resolution, more stable image, superior viewing experience.
Yeah, I don't really care about the resolution or the image.
I just I just need to watch this one thing.
Lady, we're in a format war.
The two techs are not compatible.
People need to choose sides, it Uh.
I get it.
[SNIFFS.]
Yep, uh, never mind.
You get what? If it's porn, VHS should suit you just fine.
Whatever.
Enjoy.
I'm not This is not porn.
Yeah, I know the type.
Hey, honey.
Come on.
[CHATTERING.]
[VIDEO MACHINE WHIRRING.]
- [SHEILA.]
Five, six, seven, eight.
Kick.
- [DANNY.]
Sheila? Hey.
I thought you were at the rest home with Jer.
Yeah, I was.
But the, uh, residents got agitated because a bird got loose in the sunroom, so And you're pretty jumpy too.
You all right? Yeah.
No, I was just down here, tidying up.
I'm gonna be on the Bill Gilmerton show.
You know, that public access debate thing? - Tomorrow.
- That is so great.
- Mmm.
- Isn't it? I don't know.
You'd have to ask Jerry.
He was the one pushing for it.
Now it's pretty fucking obvious he doesn't think I can handle it.
Like, "Oh, yeah.
That's a great opportunity, Dan Man, there's just a lot of unknowns".
Meaning he thinks I'm gonna get tripped up and put my foot in some shit.
What's your source of information on that? Hmm? Is it you? Maybe.
- Will you give me a foot rub? - Yeah.
Come on.
Oh, thanks.
What kind of bird was it? It was, uh I don't fucking know birds, Sheila.
[SHEILA ON TV.]
Add a sidestep.
[SHEILA.]
Ugh.
No wonder she said no to this complete and utter shit.
Hands on hips and roll.
[SHEILA.]
Who wants some middle-aged fucking fat loser telling them what to do? And out.
[SHEILA.]
Oh, that shrieking, shrill voice.
Just shut up! Shut up with your fat ass and your saggy tits! Why would anyone wanna listen to you? [HEAD SHAVER BUZZING.]
[SHEILA.]
What the hell is this? ["GOT TO FIND YOU GIRL" PLAYING.]
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
[BUZZING STOPS.]
[BREATHES HEAVILY.]
[ERNIE.]
This looks so much better.
[MUSIC ENDS.]
[FLOOR CREAKING.]
So you watch it? What do you think? I hate it.
Everybody hates everything till they don't.
But so what? You wanna write the whole thing off? [SIGHS.]
It's not just that.
[TYLER.]
Man.
When you have no hair, your face is, like, really your face, huh? That's what this makes you think? I shot a thing once where a naked girl just sat on balloons and popped them for an hour.
Also one where a woman rubbed dollhouse furniture on her nips, - I don't even - You think this is a sex thing? Don't know.
But it is.
Although compared to a lot of other shit, this is like fucking Bambi.
It's like Charlie Manson girls.
It's sick.
I mean, shaving your head is not sick.
It's It's sick.
Like, honestly, I see why that guy's into it.
Getting to watch somebody do brave shit is sexy as hell.
Is he a friend of yours? He, uh He's married to a friend.
Well, he put a lot of work in here.
Like years, maybe.
Does he know you let me tape over it? Probably he shouldn't find out.
[ERNIE BREATHES HEAVILY.]
Your head feels so good.
- Ow.
You're making it tighter.
- I'm sorry.
Don't pull it.
We're sorry to say we won't have Mr.
Schmidt with us.
A scheduling mix-up.
He sends his apologies.
But the good news is their campaign volunteered a replacement who is definitely qualified to speak on the other side of the issues.
Uh, they want to slap some spackle on you, Danny.
Yeah, well, just give me a second, Jerry.
Fuck.
- Um, well, thank you, Bill.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
I cannot What? I'm not important enough for fucking Schmidt to show up? They gotta send Mormon mall-bot instead? I should walk, right? Like I should just walk the fuck out of here.
[SHEILA.]
Yeah.
You're gonna get your ass handed to you, buddy.
You know, you need to relax.
Yeah, I'm trying to.
Oh, my God.
Sheila the good witch guiding me back home.
- I'm gonna light up.
- Okay.
Feel better.
It's okay.
There you go.
[EXHALES.]
You're okay, honey.
Yeah.
You're okay.
[SIGHS.]
God.
I am under a lot of stress.
- It's okay.
It's okay.
- I know.
- Yeah.
Feel better.
- All right.
Okay.
- Just I mean, who cancels? - I know.
[MUSIC PLAYS ON PA.]
[IN ARABIC.]
Why are we here? In this place? [IN ARABIC.]
What's wrong with it? I still have never been to your home, is what's wrong with it.
You said you wanted to see me.
If I went into a shop to buy clothes like you're wearing, what would I call them? They have espresso here.
You want an espresso? Do I want some brown water? No.
- There's a ceasefire now.
- I know.
I watch the news.
How would I know what you do? I don't even know where you live.
A ceasefire, after Beirut is already gone.
Down to rubble.
Including the house.
It's gone.
Bombed out.
Just like we would've been if we were still in it.
- Wow.
- Mmm.
That's unbelievable.
Fuck.
I can't even Fuck.
What, did you think you were gonna go back there someday? We can't even get you to come to Glendale.
Is Mama okay? About the house? What do you think, Badiaa? She's been crying for weeks.
She was so upset, I thought she might call you.
Tell her how sorry I am.
Come back with me and you tell her.
- [SIGHS.]
- If you don't, Baba says that's it.
What's "it"? He's gonna cut me off? Didn't he do that already? He's not going to let any of us talk to you anymore.
Oh yeah, you'll hate that.
Don't talk to me because you don't want to, Georgette.
Not because he says.
How long can you keep dyeing your hair that color before it all just goes [IMITATES CRACKING.]
we're gonna find out.
[BILL.]
Coastal development is an evergreen issue in this community that nevertheless heats up some election years more than others.
And, um, this is definitely one of those years.
[CHUCKLES.]
Why don't we start with you, Mr.
Rubin? Since your, um, "Save Our Wave" surf activism is what put you in the conversation.
Would you agree? [LIGHTS BUZZING.]
[SHEILA.]
Baked deer in headlights.
Here we go.
Well, Bill, I'd first like to just say that Save Our Wave is an environmental philosophy that includes anyone who cares about water quality or urban sprawl or coastal erosion.
The surfers just feel those impacts sooner than the rest of us because, I mean, let's face it, they're in the water more than the rest of us, right? I mean, the CEQA, the Clean Water Act, the Coastal Commission.
We have those things because the voters care.
So you can't just roll the clock back on them.
The state has Destroyed economic opportunity.
Thwarted investment.
Made it impossible for responsible businessmen to engage in good faith efforts to enhance the coastline.
This "activism", it's just anti-development in disguise.
Yeah? Well, please, tell us, what are your plans for enhancing the coastline? More yacht parking? - Oh, that's not fair.
- [LAUGHS.]
[SHEILA.]
A triumph.
Another goddamn triumph.
for rich people or is it for everybody? Fucking Danny Rubin making it look easy.
Right, Sheil? [SHEILA.]
Five minutes ago, he was ready to run for the hills.
Guess the only loser around here is you.
Guess you're not ready to go.
[SIGHS.]
Rotten egg smell is gnarly.
Just hang in there.
It sort of starts to smell good.
I know you don't like being hassled, but I can tell something's up.
I see it, but I'm not gonna ask.
Unless you want me to.
If you want me to, I'll ask the shit out of you.
Why don't you let me do the hair? I know how.
I've watched you enough times.
And you're catching me at the perfect time to be helpful.
I am What's the opposite of high? [TYLER CHUCKLES.]
Low.
Unimpaired.
Your word is good too.
[ERNIE CHUCKLES.]
That presumes there'll be anything left for the voters of this district [CHUCKLES.]
when you finish trying to save the ocean.
And you say So then I say, "John, to be perfectly honest with you, I will never be finished trying to save the ocean".
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
That was beautiful.
[MOANS.]
Hey, Sheila, you want [SWALLOWS.]
uh, you want a little pearl onion or cornichon? [DANNY.]
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So good.
Just, uh [CLEARS THROAT.]
whichever.
I don't really care.
[DANNY.]
Oh, how about you, Gret? Get in here.
Come on.
[ERNIE.]
Oh, no.
No.
She's bad with dairy.
- [DANNY.]
What? - [ERNIE.]
Real bad, if you catch my drift.
- [DANNY.]
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
- [ERNIE LAUGHS.]
[WHISPERS.]
Why did we come here then? - 'Cause it's Ernie's favorite.
- [ERNIE.]
So what did we decide on? Did we decide? We're gonna do, uh, the Incredible Shrinking Woman at 7:15 or the 8:20 Fort Apache, the Bronx? There's nothing else out yet? Um, I don't know.
Greta, you bring the, uh, art section? - The what? - [ERNIE.]
The art section.
I can't understand what you're saying.
I should check on Maya.
She looked a little peaky before I left.
Um, and so I'm just gonna run.
Um, if you guys could give Danny a ride home, that would be great.
Have fun at the movie.
Is she Is she okay? - What's that? - [GRETA.]
Maya, is she all right? Yeah.
I don't - [ERNIE.]
I wasn't yelling.
I was just - [GRETA.]
Ernie, it's fine.
[BREATHES HEAVILY.]
[SHEILA.]
That was the last time, okay? Now get home.
["SWEET DREAMS" PLAYING.]
[SHEILA.]
last night.
[ERNIE AND DANNY LAUGH.]
[DANNY.]
I hear Katherine what's-her-name [MUMBLING.]
[LAUGHING, CHATTERING.]
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Just cut through Mrs.
Ballard's yard.
She leaves her dog out at night.
I'm really fine to go the long way.
I don't want the long way.
I want you to do what I'm asking.
- But why does it matter which way? - I don't want to tell your mom that I found you here with a beer on grunion night when you were supposed to be watching Maya.
[CAITLIN.]
I'm sorry, Mrs.
Rubin.
Just chuck this at Mrs.
Ballard's dog, and we'll see you Friday.
[DANNY.]
I'll see you guys.
Let's do it again, all right? [DOOR CLOSES.]
[GRUNTS.]
The movie was dog shit.
I couldn't even sit through it.
What the fuck happened to you? What? My hair? I just put it up.
It's No, no, no.
Your eye.
It's, like, really bloodshot.
Let me see it.
That's gruesome.
Have you been rubbing that? Maya, she punches me sometimes.
Our daughter punches you? Like, in your face? She doesn't mean to.
She just does.
Oh.
It's a good thing you're off the hook for the Rotary Club breakfast tomorrow.
Jerry said we should cut you some slack with the canvassing, so we will.
But I'm gonna miss you.
[DANNY GROANS.]
Ah.
Fondue place was great, but I'm gonna be bound up for a week.
Ugh.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
Anything you wanna ask me? [SHEILA.]
No.
Mm-mmm.
Tyler cut some stuff together from what you guys did.
Played around with it.
It's still gonzo, but I get it.
I get what you meant.
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
What did I mean? I'm just saying you don't have nothing.
- I guess we're making a fucking videotape.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I wanna smoke.
Do you want one? No.
[CHUCKLES.]
How can you smoke? - How can you not? - [CHUCKLES.]
- [MAN ON TV, INDISTINCT.]
- Hey.
What's going on? [DANNY.]
John fucking Breem is what.
Okay, after the second segment, they said.
Everybody shut up.
[NEWS ANCHOR.]
hang ten with her surfer owner.
Plus, your forecast after this.
[FANFARE PLAYS.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
This is how Commander Mike "Schmitty" Schmidt spent the 1960s.
And here's Mike Schmidt today.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
He looks good.
[ANNOUNCER.]
This is how Daniel Rubin spent the 1960s.
[ANGRY CHATTERING.]
[CELL DOOR SLAMS.]
What goddamn fucking narcs did they get these from? [ANNOUNCER.]
And here's Daniel Rubin today.
[CROWD JEERING ON TV.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
The choice is yours.
Paid for by Mike Schmidt for state assembly.
Isn't this good? Now we know that they see you as a threat.
This is a fucking hatchet job.
We have to hit them back.
Hard.
Hit them back with what? Where's that videographer you said you had lined up? [SCOFFS.]
Don't tell me you dropped the ball there.
What did you say? Drop the what? Just get the guy on deck like you said you would.
Okay, Sheil? We can't let this get traction.
We have to make our own ad.
Tomorrow.