Polyamory: Married And Dating (2012) s01e05 Episode Script

1 your love is like a river flowing through my veins your love is the fever I can't get enough I'm on fire we're on fire our love is too much for just one heart to take Come in.
Hey, honey.
Hey, Kamala.
We've been living together for a little while now, and Jen and I have been at each other.
- So you gonna take a shower? - I'm gonna take a shower.
Can I take one with you? Yeah, can I brush my teeth first? If you must.
I felt like taking a shower with the warm water would help us relax, help us, you know, connect again.
What? Since I've moved in, we haven't had as much fun together.
It's been more about business and getting the house ready and rules.
Girl, you have sexy salsa legs.
So it was a nice change to have her come in and wanna be flirtatious and friendly and get in the shower.
I think we should have a party to celebrate you're here.
We've been having poly potlucks for six years every single month.
And, you know, it had been a month since she moved in.
I thought the one way she would really feel welcomed is if we did a housewarming party.
I think it's a great idea.
Are we gonna let just random people show up? We can talk about the invitation list.
- Okay.
- Love you.
- I love you too.
- Okay.
I think a housewarming party this is my house too.
I'm creating an invitation, and I usually send it out to various lists, but this one's gonna be special.
It's just gonna be for Southern California, polyamorous people only.
And I hope that some new people come.
You know, I just wanted to brainstorm with everybody.
And I thought I'd do a combination potluck and housewarming and really make it like a big community welcome for you guys 'cause I think everyone thinks - Cool.
- of it as our house.
And I want them to know, you know, to think of it as our pod's house.
So-- - Awesome.
Well, thank you.
That sounds fun.
So Michael, Tahl, Jen, - and then Roxanne, obviously.
- Yeah, obviously.
Oh, shocker.
Michael wants Roxanne to show up.
Roxanne is my favorite girlfriend, and Michael wants me to share her.
And I can't blame him, but, like You know, could he be a little more obvious? What's the deal with Roxanne? Can I-- How far can I go with Roxanne? - At the party? - This is a poly potluck.
- It's not a sex party.
- Absolutely.
- So - Yeah.
Let's do what's appropriate for the setting.
- Cool, cool.
- Yay.
Okay, can I make out with her? Um Yeah.
I'll be there.
- So, you know - Wow.
Really? - Can I? - If I'm there.
Hey, Tahl.
Kamala has given me permission to make out with Roxanne.
And making out would be deep kissing, not just a peck on the lips.
We're talking French kissing and whatever the heck we want, you know, as long as it involves tongues.
We should invite some of our lovers from around Southern California, like Cheri.
'Cause, uh, you know, Cheri's - Part of the pod.
- Part of the pod.
Honestly, I'm not I'm not that comfortable with Cheri coming.
Cheri is Michael and Kamala's lover.
Cheri and Tahl used to date, and Tahl has made mistakes with her.
He lied a couple times.
And in polyamory, honesty is the most important thing.
We're not getting along.
We're not getting along at all.
I want her to come anyhow.
I think, at this point, you kind of need to take responsibility for your emotions on this issue and understand that I would like her there.
We don't exclude people because there's somebody there that doesn't want them to come.
Typically, in a monogamous breakup, couples stop talking, and sometimes they don't even see each other.
But in polyamory, we don't even call it breakup.
We call it "transition.
" Jen needs to learn how to transition into friendship with Cheri.
Cheri's not going anywhere.
She's gonna have to get used to her being part of our life.
If it was my house, I wouldn't invite Cheri.
I wouldn't-- Or I wouldn't want her to come - until I had a conversation-- - Except-- except it's my house too, and, you know, I stopped seeing her because you wanted me to stop having sex with her.
This is my house as well.
And-- But you also have to take some fucking responsibility around-- You know, the stupid shit that you did when you were with her.
- Yeah.
- And that it's really painful for me every time I see her because she wants to pretend-- - So let me get-- - Like jealous-- Let me fuckin' finish.
Like jealousy doesn't exist.
- And it's hard for me.
- So-- Okay.
So you're telling me I can't be friends with her.
Is that what you're saying? I'm not telling you you can't be friends-- No.
You are, you're saying she can't come over to my house.
No, what I said-- Let me-- What I said was, "I feel uncomfortable with her here," because she and I haven't had a conversation yet.
Which means you don't want her here.
You know what? This is where I'm drawing the line.
This is all our house.
And I'm not gonna be told who I can and can't have over at my house if they're a friend.
- I'm totally-- You know what? - And you know what? I'm totally willing to be flexible with the sex part.
I'm not willing to be told who I can and can't be friends with.
All right, stop.
All right, just stop.
No.
My email box is so pressive.
You and your email box.
I look at it, and I think I'm gonna have an anxiety attack.
All the unread messages.
And mine has zero unread messages.
How do we relate to each other? Lindsey and I have been successful at finding a lot of alone time lately, and Vanessa's very respectful of that.
- Are you showering with me? - Yeah.
Cool.
Whoo ha ha! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! One of my favorite things about Lindsey is that we've been together ten years.
Even if I was having sex with 100 other people.
Sex with Lindsey would be totally special and unique and profound.
I really cherish the moments that Anthony and I have.
When we get in the shower together, it feels sacred.
- Hey, Linds! - Yeah? Can you come here? What's going on? I'm looking at poly websites.
You know, meet-ups and that kind of stuff.
- Which one? - Uh, the San Diego one.
Why are we even on these lists? I personally need to talk to other poly people not just out of curiosity, but, for, like, advice and solidarity.
I signed up for some poly groups, email lists because a lot of people are in the closet about being poly, and therefore, you kind of have to go online to find them.
Anyway, what is it? "Friends and lovers, this is a special invitation to our monthly poly potluck.
No meat, drugs, or alcohol.
Open to all experience levels.
" Wait, what experience level are we? Yeah.
I'm not sure what they mean by "levels," but I'm hoping that there will be people at this party that are at higher levels than we are.
Okay, I'm saying yes.
Yes.
It'll be our first formal invite as the engaged triad.
That's-- I love that.
Vanessa's working tonight, right? Yeah, she's working tonight.
Let's go see her.
Now that we're engaged, we can go to this party, hopeful that we'll be able to find like-minded people and have a community.
I'm excited.
No.
Look, no, we're clearing this.
Can you hold one-- No, let's put some mediation into it 'cause it's going-- It's kind of spiraling down right now.
- It is spiraling down.
- She just-- It doesn't have to go this way.
- Okay.
All right.
- Okay.
So thank you.
It's disturbing to see Jen and Tahl fighting.
Kamala and I have had our fights in the beginning of our relationship, but we've really worked on how to communicate in a way that we're not yelling at each other.
I'm hoping that Jen and Tahl, when they fight individually, uh, that we can sort of be the mediators.
I love living here, it just doesn't feel like it's my house.
It feels like it's your rules, your house, and if I make a mistake, I'm gonna get punish-- I almost feel like I'm living with my parents.
What's a little frustrating is-- Because I'm not in my own house where I can say, "hey, I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want.
" The bottom line is, what do you need to be comfortable and to make the most of the party, even if you don't say anything to her all night? Just know that I'm just gonna be a little bit uncomfortable with it, and if she's here, I probably won't talk to her.
Are you okay with that, then? I'm okay.
But, you know, please invite Cheri.
- I'll deal with my own reaction.
- Nice.
Thank you.
That's-- that's really big of you.
Thank you.
- Mm.
- All right, thank you.
I just-- I think I just need some space.
I just need a minute.
I just wanna go to my room.
I understand.
Doesn't look like this has been resolved at all.
Can we-- Can we just talk about this for a second? This whole-- I guess my main point is that I know I'm jealous, and I know it's hard for you to take.
But when I'm upset, I just would like you to be a little bit nicer about it.
Right.
I do like living here, but if-- If living here is gonna mess up our relationship, then Then I don't want to stay.
Why do all my friends want a piece of my pie? I'm a bikini dancer.
I absolutely love my job.
I've been dancing for 12 years.
I've had multiple jobs since then, and I have never liked any of those crap jobs.
Dancing's the best one ever.
I choose to do it.
Oh, my God.
She is unreasonably sexy.
That's our fiancee.
It is super fun to see Vanessa dance.
She loves it-- She's always smiling, which I love.
'Cause a lot of the other dancers, you know, have this look the whole time.
Vanessa's is like I have no idea what to do.
I want to touch you, and I'm not allowed to.
This is a ridiculous situation.
What are you guys doing here? We have to remind ourselves every once in a while that you're the sexiest woman ever, so we come here.
I'm glad it's not that busy, so I can actually sit with you.
We also are going to invite you to a poly potluck that we found online.
Don't talk until you hear me explain it.
A what? A poly potluck.
Seriously, what are you talking about? - They're in San Diego.
- They're in San Diego.
And they look like interesting people.
Yeah.
They have cool names like Kamala.
And Tahl.
Why do you seem so hesitant? Just because this is a poly party doesn't mean that we're gonna have a lot in common with these people.
Think about how absurd it would be if every time I met a monogamous person, I was like, "hey, you know what? "I have another monogamous friend.
You guys would probably really get along.
" Sometimes, being poly is the only thing we have in common.
I just-- Because-- I mean, we've gone to try to meet poly people in L.
A.
, and it's been not great.
It's so hard to me people who are actually going through anything similar, and-- You're right.
Let's go to a monogamous meet-up anyway.
That'll be a better chance of meeting people.
That is a good point.
- All right.
- I love you.
Thanks for trying to find us some poly friends.
Hopefully, we won't like them too much, and we won't have to drive out to San Diego all the time.
I was on board with going to this party 'cause I feel like we're entering a new phase of our relationship, and I really want to be able to have a community to support that.
I really want to talk to these people - about how they do poly.
- Yeah.
It's gonna be totally different from us, I think.
What do you mean? How? Totally different how? I mean, I just wonder if they've come out to everybody.
If they have jobs where it's okay to be poly, and their families still invite them over for Christmas and Thanksgiving.
I'm done with hiding.
I'm done, I don't ever wanna be in a room with people that claim to love me, that don't know who I love.
I'm the only one in the triad that is not out to my immediate family, and I'm really hoping to have some conversations about that at this party.
It's sad, actually, that we have to go online, find a group, just to get some answers that everyone else can get about relationships.
Maybe I'll bring a guitar to this party and do a whole set where I take standard love songs and make them poly.
That'd be awesome.
"You are the ones for me.
" "I just called to say I love you guys.
" "All I want is you and you.
" "And you.
" "And you.
" Hey, honey.
Morning.
Good morning.
Is there anything I can help with? Yeah, um, you feeling better about your housewarming party? - I'm a little more excited.
- Are you? - Yeah, a little bit.
- Good, good, good.
Today's the party.
I feel a little bit like the party's a farce.
Like, "oh, yay, we're celebrating Jen and Tahl's being here," but Jen's not happy here.
Hey, can you do me a favor? I know you hate washing dishes, but if you're gonna eat pea soup, can you at least - put water in the cup? - Right.
Because it makes it, like, ten times harder for me to clean it.
Yeah, leave it kind of soaking? Soak it, I know, if washing is too much.
I'll soak my pea soup for you.
Is that okay? Yeah, all right.
It's their house, and I think it's probably harder for them to adapt to other people's rules.
But the more people you have in a relationship, the more differences of opinion you're gonna have, period.
I'm exhausted.
Hey, Tahl, are you gonna come vacuum? Okay.
He said okay.
Michael and I don't yell at each other.
I didn't yell at him, I yelled towards him.
But if you have to raise your voice - to speak to someone - Oh.
Like if I were out there, and you raised your voice to speak to me, I probably would be like, "she's yelling at me.
" But I hear you yell from the other room all the time.
- That's not why I hate you.
- Okay.
What dress are you gonna wear? I don't know.
What do you think? Buttons done or undone? Please stop asking me that.
Um, how are you feeling about cheri? The cheri thing? Feeling-- I'm not even thinking about it right now.
It's fine.
I mean, I still don't necessarily want you to have sex with her, but I understand that you're gonna talk to her.
There's still a little bit of discomfort about Cheri.
I'd really just like to get over my shit.
I'm ready.
Let's go.
Hello! People are here? Mmm.
- My name's Tahl.
- Sonja.
Nice to meet you.
- Hey, gorgeous.
- Hi! - Ohh.
Mwah.
- You look-- Thanks.
That's for me? Thank you.
Thank you, cheri.
Cheri arrives to the party, and she brings me some flowers.
Why don't we put that on the mantle? It made me uncomfortable.
So gorgeous.
Uh, mostly.
That is so pretty.
I didn't want to get into any deep conversations.
I'm just trying to avoid some pain, is all.
And, honestly, I was too distracted by the people I really wanted to see to worry about cheri.
I just didn't even think about it after the first few minutes.
Hey, we're all wearing green! We are all wearing green! I love it! That is a good omen.
- It is a good omen.
- Oh, mwah.
Oh, hey, beautiful.
- That's really funny.
- Hey.
You look spectacular.
Thank you.
When Roxanne walked into the room, it was like a breath of sunshine coming in.
She had this beautiful, bright green dress, and I think everybody was looking at her, including me.
Is your boyfriend coming? I don't know.
He's supposed to be coming.
I don't know where he's at.
Roxanne has a boyfriend, so making out is gonna require some negotiation.
See, that's just mean.
You're kissing her in front of Michael.
Would I-- Would I have the pleasure of being able to kiss you? As of right now, our agreement is I'd need to talk to him first.
Okay, perfect.
- So-- - Perfect.
- Good, I'm glad, I'm glad.
- But it's a grand idea.
It's a great concept.
I did the typical man thing and just went in for the kiss, and-- and flubbed it all up.
She was like, "but wait.
" I think the permission still stands, and Roxanne and I will work that out at some point.
Were you just eating chocolate? Yeah, here-- Oh, oh.
Give it to Roger.
Give it to Roger.
- Did you want some? - There you go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She doesn't normally eat chocolate, but This is why you bring chocolate to a party.
Right? The party is awesome.
All these beautiful people I know and love.
Lots of kisses, lots of chocolate.
- Mmm.
- That is part of the fun.
Wait, a-- I'm like, "that doesn't look like Michael.
" Yeah.
- I grew a beard.
- Yeah.
You know, Tahl is Tahl, and he does just love to make out with everybody.
That was delicious.
That may have been some of the best chocolate I've ever had.
That's the only way to eat chocolate.
It's the only way.
And so now we have a rule that he's got to wash his mouth out before he comes and kisses me.
Really, Tahl, does it have to be everybody? They've got the best house on the block.
Oh, wow.
Look how beautiful it is.
Poly play land! Look at these flags out front.
We walk up, and we love the flags.
The house already looks better than the other houses on the block.
Worst-case scenario is the people all do poly in a way that we don't relate to at all.
And then we go home deflated, thinking, "shit, we were looking for community and solidarity, and all we got was more alienation.
" "Please lose the shoes.
" - Ahh man.
- Oh, it's one of those.
But I'm wearing my coolest boots ever.
I'm wearing boring shoes.
I could give a shit.
Come in! I'm just gonna open it.
- Hello! - Hi! - Welcome.
- Hi! Hi.
- Hi.
Mwah.
- Hi.
- I'm Vanessa.
- Vanessa, Kamala Devi.
Thank you.
Thank you.
In L.
A.
, people try to figure out, do they know you? And if they don't know you, are you somebody they need to know? That is not what's happening here.
We open the door, and it's like, "hello!" - And this? - Uh, this is, "women Mighty force for revolution.
" - Oh, yeah.
- Hi.
- Vanessa.
Yeah.
- Yeah? When a new person comes to our party, we actually like to ask, "can I hug you?" First so that they have choice, but I suppose I probably just threw myself around them.
They were really attractive, so why not? - Vanessa.
- Vanessa.
Hi, how you doing? - Good.
- They come right in.
The first thing I'm thinking, like, "whoa, fresh meat.
" - I'm Anthony.
- Anthony, Michael.
- May I hug you? - Yeah.
I don't think it's a poly practice, this hugging thing because, well, everyone was hugging me.
They're like, "can I hug you? Can I hug you? Can I hug you?" I was like, "yeah, I'll hug everybody.
" Anthony was saying you guys came all the way down from L.
A.
or riverside? Yeah.
Riverside is L.
A.
-ish, I guess.
Yeah.
Oh, my God, I was totally attracted to all of them.
And I'm a straight guy, but I even thought Anthony was cool.
Now that we're all here, you guys wanna join me for a big circle? Typically, we have an opening circle.
I just want everyone to get to know each other.
One of the things that we could talk about tonight, different love styles.
Uh, I have no idea what that means.
'Cause I came for a party.
Well, I ha-- I just want to say, like, I'm a little intimidated 'cause I don't know what love style actually means, and I don't know what the levels of poly are.
And I actually don't know the terms at all.
Are we going to have sex or not? I meant, like, beginners are welcome, or if you have lots of experience, then you're welcome as well.
Okay.
Typically, when we do the opening circle, there's no crosstalk.
Since they're new, they didn't really get the etiquette.
That might have been considered rude.
Lindsey, you had one more question.
There's no drugs or alcohol, and I'm just wondering what the thinking is behind that.
I don't want to create a space where we're all redefining, um, relationships radically, and then when we wake up the next day, hung over, going, "what the fuck did we redefine?" I really want to do something that comes from a place of purity and clarity.
Just because it's an alcohol and drug-free party, does not mean that we're recovering addicts.
It's as if they had never met other poly people, and they wanted to interrogate us.
I just had to say, "okay, you know, they're new.
" So, yeah.
I was just wondering if most people here are out? I've been, like, sad about how few people are out because I feel like that hurts our ability to be accepted.
Raise your hand if you're out to your family.
It was really inspiring to me that these people have come out.
This I a great conversation.
I want it all to continue as you eat, mingle, meet people, and enjoy.
If any one of us is going to have a lover outside of the triad, there's a permissions thing that happens.
- Like, poly - Courteous.
Poly-courteous! I definitely felt some relief once I got to just talk to people by themselves.
Whatever discomfort or problems I was having, they really dissipated for me.
I really liked the people there.
I felt welcome.
It was very friendly and comfortable, and I was fascinated by them.
Is Roxanne a part of your pod too? By association with me, yes, but she's not-- And we have tea and chats, you know.
And they're allowed to have tea and chats.
Baby steps.
So it's like you weren't out to your parents.
Yeah.
What about you? Yeah, no, I'm not out to my parents, either.
They're-- they're a little bit conservative.
My mom's very attached to the Jewish identity, and marriage has to be between one man and one woman.
Now, how 'bout you? You on good terms with your parents or-- It's been a struggle to get them to accept Anthony - in the first place.
- Mm.
In a traditional, monogamous marriage - Right.
- Because he is not rich, not Jewish, so to then come out also, "we have a girlfriend," - and that's-- - I could imagine.
I feel like I can't go on much longer without coming out.
I-I have to tell them.
Oh, that kind of makes my stomach turn a bit.
After speaking with Lindsey, I think I'm ready.
I think it's the right thing to do.
The fact is, I've moved in with Michael and Kamala.
It's like, you know, it's only a matter of time until my parents want to come over to my house.
We just had our three-year anniversary, so-- Three-year anniversary with the three of you.
- With the triad.
- Beautiful.
- And she proposed to us.
- Aw.
We want to have a ceremony before the big ceremony.
A poly ceremony, like an engagement or a commitment? This ceremony is actually marking our commitment to get married.
It's just gonna be the three of us.
We want some sort of ritual to do.
Oh, my God, I love commitment ceremonies.
If you need any help, I've got, like, mad skills around, you know, symbolism and ceremony and-- No, don't worry, we'll just consult normal bridesmaid magazines.
Exactly.
Good housekeeping, yeah.
But seriously, like, I'd love to support you guys with your ritual.
Her wedding was, like-- How many of your poly lovers were there? We had the most amazing ceremony.
Instead of exchanging rings, I actually presented him with his lovers.
Our ceremony involved consummating during the ceremony.
Wow! - So we had sex - Whoa! Right there.
We are so prude.
They had sex in front of everyone.
I mean, I was, like, simultaneously kind of scandalized by it and also really excited by it.
Can we invite you to help us with this ceremony to be a part of making it? I'd be honored.
Congratulations.
I'm the queen of rituals.
I love ceremony.
And I just feel like they're really serious.
And this is such a rich opportunity to make a ceremony that means something, you know, new.
It's pioneering.
We're gonna head out.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Mwah.
- Good luck with coming out.
- Yay.
I think this party was revelational for the triad.
I don't think they've ever been to anything like this, and it opened their eyes to what's possible, even in their own community.
I look forward to getting to know them.
Oh, my God.
It's really different from what I thought it was gonna be.
How's that? Um, well I really expected it to be more of a sex party.
- I really did.
- Wow, I did not.
I expected people to take off their clothes.
That was interesting.
Where's our car?