Porn and Ice Cream (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

1
No way I can't believe this place.
We always come here.
This is ghastly.
But not lately.
Those flaky walls!
-And that guy sleeping on his vomit?
-That's Harry.
No, this isn't vomit. This is soup.
Way more dignified.
-And that angry woman coming towards us?
-I told you you were banned.
Come on, that old fart dying
wasn't my fault.
Get the hell out, assholes.
No, that '80s look is insane.
'80s, my ass. Get off my bar.
I assume your license is in order?
Well, guys, I don't know. Sit wherever
you like, have a drink, it's on the house.
-Great. Bring us whiskey.
-Not for you.
PORN AND ICE CREAM
The bathroom is to-ta-lly gross.
What's the Wi-Fi password?
There's no Wi-Fi.
I love it. We agree?
You were in the toilet.
We didn't talk.
Ramón,
the birthday party of Vieira's daughter
is in two weeks. Period.
Vieira
Vieira
Your best president
Send me the song.
-Yes.
-I'll do it now.
Don't send me that thing I listened to.
Send me something more pro,
a better recording.
Right, something more pro.
Something With drums, bass
Excellent. I'd thought
the band was just them.
No, no, we have
a drummer and a bass player.
Okay, perfect.
Call me if you need anything.
-Your number?
-Bye.
-Why did you lie to him, Ceci?
-I got nervous.
It's impossible
to get a bass player and a drummer.
A bass player?
I know where you can get one.
60 STONED STREE
NO PARKING
Hi, guys.
Hi. What are you up to?
Just jamming a bit.
Could we have a listen?
Sure.
Thank you.
I can play bossa nova, if you'd like.
Look, look, look.
You have realized
You're just a creep
You look in the mirror
And want to scream
If you feel
Abandoned and grim
You will always have
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Every time, to let off some steam
-Masterful. Incredible.
-He's a master.
BELIKA - "OXFORD" BAR
BASS PLAYER
DRUMMER
Perfect.
We have a bass player.
Now we only need a drummer.
It's impossible to get one!
A drummer?
I know where you can get one.
-Where?
-On the Internet.
The musician forums.
A guy-only band won't do.
The drummer should be a woman.
-Great!
-Great!
A woman you won't objectify.
-Sorry.
-Sorry.
-Very good.
-Thank you.
What's that tattoo?
This one? A swastika.
Is it an ironic tattoo?
No, I'm a neo-Nazi.
DRUMMER 1: NAZI
Wow.
You have talent.
How do you feel about Jews?
I like them.
DRUMMER 1: NAZI
DRUMMER 2: NOT A NAZI
Wow.
-Thank you.
-Thank you, Shirley. We'll let
How long have you been playing?
I had my third lesson yesterday.
Just three lessons?
Wow, you have natural talent.
You're very good.
Very, very good.
How do you feel about Jews?
I'm Jewish.
DRUMMER 1: NAZI - DRUMMER 2: NOT A NAZI
DRUMMER 3: JEWISH
I think the decision is obvious.
The dyke.
Her name's Silvina.
Do you think she's a lesbian?
Straight from the island of Lesbos.
-This will be a problem, guys.
-Why?
Lesbians always fall for me.
Not Silvina. Let's go with Shirley.
Don't be horny.
She's just pretty.
Ceci, please. Pretty, ugly?
Those labels are backward.
What?
She's the most talented.
She couldn't even keep the beat, Pablo.
But she could improve by rehearsing.
It's an audition.
-Let's vote, come on.
-Yes.
Silvina.
Shirley.
It's a tie.
It's not. Silvina won.
Why Shirley?
I was yawning.
You know what?
Choose.
Silvina.
Let me know.
Cappuccino with almond milk?
Yes, over here.
-Enjoy.
-Thank you.
Baby, I'd like a caramel macchiato,
is that possible?
Well, you got the job.
Really?
No. I was awful.
And your mates clearly didn't like it.
They're no longer my mates.
I'm starting a new project
and I'd like for you to be in it.
-Fantastic.
-Yes.
A drink to celebrate?
No, thank you.
Tell me more about you.
What music do you listen to?
Pablo?
Julián.
We thought the red rose was a joke.
How else would you recognize me?
We've never met.
Are you the drummer?
Yes, I'm Shirley.
-Julián.
-Julián Two.
Yes, they're the band.
But how? You guys hadn't met?
-Well, not in person.
-We met on startyourband.com.
Never heard of it.
It's a great website.
I'll show you in my place.
Or I'll use my cell.
-I was gonna say that.
-That's better.
What type of music are we playing?
It's hard to explain, isn't it?
Is it rock that we play?
No, it's not rock, but yeah.
It's not, it's hardcore.
Right, it's hardcore, it's not rock.
-I love hardcore.
-Yes, yes.
-Do you like it? So do I.
-Yes.
-I love it.
-This coffee is cold.
Specialty coffee is heated
at 63 degrees so it doesn't burn.
Give me burnt coffee.
I want my burnt coffee!
Burnt coffee. I love it. I love it.
Ceci
You know where we're recording?
Silvi, let's set things straight.
I am straight,
I am not interested in women.
What makes you think I'm gay?
I'm super gay, Ceci.
Anyway, that doesn't mean
I fancy all girls.
No, of course not.
But I fancy you a little.
Shall we buy ice cream and go watch porn?
No, I can't, Ramón.
But it's Friday.
Yes, the thing is
I've got to To see my family.
Did anything happen?
Yes, it's serious,
but I'd rather not talk about it.
You're scaring me, what happened?
Santi, my little brother
What happened to him?
He went to the doctor and
He is celiac.
-No, no!
-No!
Poor thing!
A total downer.
Sorry, but being celiac is not serious.
My mom is celiac, my sister too.
You don't understand!
Calm down, Pablo, calm down.
Hi.
-Hi, Shirley.
-Hi.
-Hi, Pablo.
-It's ten past.
Yes, it's just that
I found abandoned kitties on the street
and I got them milk.
And you left them there?
I'll tell you later.
It's hardcore.
I asked him,
"Are you from Salta?" "No."
"From Chaco?" "No." "From Tucumán?" "No."
From Córdoba.
He turned out to be from Córdoba.
If I'd known,
I wouldn't have said anything.
What's that face?
Ever since I've known Pablo,
this is the first Friday he isn't here.
What do you do on Fridays?
You just eat ice cream?
Something like that.
Ramón, that's a porn film.
We meet up to watch porn
and eat ice cream.
So the lyrics were literal.
Do you jerk each other off?
No.
Pablo is my friend.
That's what you watch?
Watch this
It's messed up to play porn
while we're here.
Is that even possible?
If you're flexible, yes.
How many are they?
I almost ate a piece of Styrofoam.
You shall burn, you shall burn
At the stake of Gervase the elf
You shall burn
-What's wrong?
-You said you could sing hardcore.
The lyrics have a strange rhythm.
And I cough.
-I don't think so.
-Me neither.
But my favorite is Disabled Demon.
Oh, yes, that's our hit.
And do you write all the songs?
No, actually,
I do the baseline
and work with Julián Two.
Guys, guys
We'll talk later.
Now, let's rehearse.
Come on. Again. Come on.
Again.
What ruckus your friend is making.
That's odd.
Pablo!
Pablo!
Pablo!
You scared the hell out of me!
Did you lose your voice?
Yes, I've been crying.
Why are you putting makeup on?
Does one need to be a woman
to wear makeup?
-You never wear makeup.
-I always wear makeup.
Maybe you just never notice.
Well, I'll change and we go, okay?
Where?
"Where?" To rehearsal.
Oh, was it today? I can't.
What? It's important.
We record in a couple of days.
The thing is
I have a family meeting.
We're gonna burn
all foods that contain flour.
Why don't you give that food to the poor?
Because this is a celiac ritual.
Do I have to explain everything to you?
Why are you taking the guitar?
It's part of the ritual!
We'll play songs about
celiac disease. Bye.
Bye.
"I barbecued a steak.
"Are we all dead?
"I was one of those
who listened to Michael Jackson.
"And you, with your obnoxiousness.
"I want to wear baggy trousers."
We can't postpone.
We record in two days.
-You're wearing too much makeup.
-It suits you.
Stop it.
When I get home, I'll talk to him.
Ramón
We must replace him.
No, Ceci, don't say that.
The demo is more important.
We won't replace him.
He is my best friend.
He is the heart
and soul of this band.
Okay, let's vote.
I vote for anything Ceci wants.
You're making me blush, girl.
Hey, Pablo, isn't that your former band?
Oh, yes.
Are you on bad terms?
Yes, yes. You go.
You guys go.
Take my guitar, please.
It's tense. I'll be there.
It's a family issue.
-Hi.
-I know, Ramón, but
What are you doing here?
You weren't home,
I guessed you'd be here.
-Your looks!
-You're aphonic?
I've been crying
because of my little brother.
I understand,
but you can't miss rehearsal.
Don't lash out at me, I'm super sad.
I'm not lashing out at you.
Well, I'll go get a beer.
I think it will be awesome. But
So? How's it going?
So They're really sad.
I was the heart and soul of the band.
-An empty table. Shall we?
-Yes.
-No!
-What's wrong?
It stinks.
-It stinks all over there.
-It stinks?
It stinks of A pipe broke, I think.
It smells like sewage.
Oh, well, no, better stay here, then.
Yeah, that's better.
I need the toilet.
I got food poisoning
from a stadium sausage.
-I dreamt
-Everything okay?
And the beer?
I've already drunk it.
But what did you do? Did you down it?
Yes, I was very thirsty.
In fact, I'm gonna get another one.
Seventy percent of my body
is made of water.
Hold on,
the bass can have four
Can I have a beer?
We no longer sell beer.
We sell vermouth or art-y latte.
The coffee here is delicious.
I've just ordered one.
Then I want an art-y latte.
Latte, espresso, flat white?
Yes.
Okay.
Ramón. Shirley.
I'll give this to Ramón.
He got injured
playing soccer.
Hot sauce, hot sauce, hot sauce.
I left you a reminder on the phone.
-Here we are.
-Thank you. It wasn't necessary, Pablo.
Anyone else wants anything?
Since when are you this attentive?
Well, what happened to my brother
raised my awareness a little bit.
-Oh, hiya, girl.
-Hello.
How's it going?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, toopah!
Oh, this poetry is so cringe.
Did you hear?
Terrible. How's the demo going?
So so.
No. I love your jokes, Ramón.
No, no, we're doing amazing, amazing.
Will you be able to sing?
Pablo?
That'd be my art-y latte.
Wasn't he getting a beer?
Hey! Where are you guys going?
That's the only empty table.
No, no! Let's go to the bar.
But why do you want to go to the bar?
Because
I want to read a poem.
-Are you really reading one?
-Yes.
I love poems, and poetry.
-Okay.
-Give me some support.
-Okay. Yes.
-Okay.
Hey, excuse me?
I'm going to read a poem.
Okay?
It's called A text from Mom.
Poor Pablo, he's really unwell.
"Pabli,
"how can I post
"a picture on Facebook?
"I uploaded one, and it turned up
"on your Auntie's wall.
"Where is the wall?
"Where do messages go?
"What is a poke?
"Pabli, answer your mother.
"Are you that busy?
"Don't worry,
"your brother already sorted it.
"Love you."
What you read was excellent
and very moving.
I have a publishing house
and I wanted to offer you the chance
to publish with us
on rice paper. It's edible.
Here
No, thank you.
-Well
-No, thank you.
I love having croissants for breakfast,
with coffee and milk,
and I love croissants
and orange juice in the afternoon.
And, I'd like to thank Gluten Paradise
for these delicious croissants.
They must be gluten-free.
Gluten is so delicious.
Paradise Gluten
-Santi, my little brother
-What happened to him?
He is celiac.
I've been crying
because of my little brother.
Where are you going?
To rehearse with my other band.
I mean, to see my little brother.
Epiphany
-Ramón, what is it?
-Pablo
-He has another band.
-What?
Everything okay?
-Hi, Silvina.
-Yes, everything's okay.
So that's why he missed the rehearsal.
-So his little brother
-It's a lie!
I saw him eating gluten on TikTok.
Ceci, where's the trash can?
Throw it in the bathroom.
-Hi.
-Hi, Ramón.
He wants to have another band?
Let him have it.
But he'll have to pay the consequences.
Enough.
-Don't be harsh, it'll make things worse.
-Why?
Hi.
Shall we start?
We want a word with you.
If it's about my voice, don't worry.
Look, we've been talking and
Hardcore is not your genre.
-But
-Hardcore requires
specific training
and you are just hurting your voice.
No, but I'm fine.
Don't worry about me.
Shall we rehearse?
We're kicking you out.
Your voice is weak,
and your look has nothing
to do with hardcore.
The thing is
My little brother is celiac.
That's affected me.
So?
I'm celiac, too. What's the problem?
No, I was just saying.
Anyway, I was about to tell you
This isn't going forward
and I have different musical ideas.
So
I think it's best for me to quit the band.
We've just told you that, Pablo.
Yes, yes.
But I'd been thinking about it.
So
It's great we canceled each other out,
that both parties thought the same.
I think that
You guys have a good thing going.
You've got to improve.
You've got a long way to go.
You have great talent.
You're spectacular.
In no time, you
Really, you're very talented.
I'd like, in the future,
to start another project,
maybe
in a different genre.
Yes.
Fine.
We want to rehearse.
I think that's great.
I think that's wonderful.
Could you leave?
Yes. I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving. I'm leaving.
Ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Pablo. We looked for you everywhere,
we couldn't find you. You know?
Why is Harry rehearsing?
You're going through a lot,
we got Harry to replace you,
so you focus on your brother
-and we get the demo done.
-No
My little brother is fine.
I can rehearse.
I love your attitude,
but we're fine with him.
-No, I don't
-Relax
your throat.
Porn and ice cream
Harry
No
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Ta-da! Cheetos, your favorite.
I hate Cheetos, Pablo.
-They're your favorite.
-Hang on, Ramón.
Ramón.
I want to tell you something.
Santi is cured.
Celiac disease has no cure.
It's a miracle. We can't believe it.
I know it's all a lie.
I saw him eating gluten on TikTok.
And I know you have another band.
I had one.
But I left to rejoin The Feeble-Minded.
I bet they kicked you out.
Are you spying on me?
You betrayed me.
And now, let me change.
I'm going to record a demo.
Hi, Ramón.
Did you come to see the Poetry Grand Slam?
-I'm Pablo.
-That is Jorge Villarroel
suffering because of globalization,
but Lolo and Lauti
will reenact the fight
between Mauro Viale and Samid
-with puppets. Take a look.
-Okay.
Hi, Graciela.
-What's with the outfit?
-I'm a hipster now.
Why the long face? Do you want a vermouth?
Okay.
Harry, we're at the studio. Come.
-What's happening?
-He won't pick up the phone.
I came all the way from Zárate, damn it.
We've all made an effort to be here.
Voicemail again.
Well, let's record some other day.
Impossible.
You must record before midnight because
the building will be demolished.
No!
Harry! What are you doing here?
You must go to the recording!
You're not gonna tell me what to do.
Give me a coffee, quick!
Ristretto, macchiato, cappuccino?
Yes.
The restroom is clean.
And they take bank cards.
There's no more cockroaches.
And there's Wi-Fi!
It's terrible. Let's go find a shithole.
Yes!
Thank you.
Drink this, Harry.
Where's everybody?
Segundo, come and help me
take Harry to the taxi.
Okay.
Stop. Harry, Harry, no. No, Harry
Stop, stop. Stop, Harry.
You have no idea how much I love you.
Like a brother.
Alright.
What're you doing here, Pablo?
Harry was totally blitzed
and had forgotten to come.
I can, I
The countdown to the demolition
has just started.
We have 59 minutes.
Well
I'm leaving.
Pablo.
Yes?
Would you like?
What?
Would you like to play?
But you're already with Harry.
I don't want to be a nuisance.
Yes, but Harry can't play like that.
-Well, but I
-Take the guitar, damn it.
Of course.
Go get a coffee.
-No! Please Let me
-Please, Harry, let me play.
Are you guys crazy?
Porn and ice cream
Cut. No, enough. It doesn't go like that!
Porn
Again, again. Hit it again.
I can't hear it.
PORN AND ICE CREAM
Porn and ice cream
Every time, to let off some steam
This was the best take.
Wait, on the same bit
I'd told you about
-What happened?
-I got it wrong again.
-But you can tweak that.
-But I've got a good ear.
I wanted to tell you
I wanted
I wanted to tell you
Maybe today I was a little
I mean, lately I've been
I forgive you, Pablo.
We're good.
I think it's good.
So we leave the bass as it is
or we pull it up?
-Did it sound alright?
-There. That's it.
-That's great.
-More there.
Yes, in "ice-cream".
-That's good.
-Fantastic.
Oh. There, there. Yeah, there.
Guys! We must run, we have ten seconds!