Primos (2024) s01e05 Episode Script

1
(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
- (CAT SNARLING)
- (DOGS BARKING)
(SINGING) Hey, another day
in my old hood
Summer started
and it's gonna be so good
Oh, hey, I was gonna be so cool
Then you all moved in
and got me lookin' like a fool, again!
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
Why you all up in my face?
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
Get up out my space
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
You're wearin' out my brain
(GASPS) You're drivin' me insane
Not the roll call again
Cousin Bud, Nacho, and Lita
Tere, Tabi, and Toñita
Scooter, Lotlot, and Gordita
Nachito, ChaCha, and Lucita
CHORUS: Yay!
TATER: No! Come on
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
(WOMAN READING)
(PANTING)
- No. No!
- (GROWLS)
BOOSTER SEAT:
Here comes your booster seat!
You're so little!
(PANTING) I won't be little forever,
Booster Seat! (WHIMPERS)
(BOOSTER SEAT GROWLS)
You'll always need me, Tater!
I'm almost ten! Whoa.
(GRUNTS)
It got me! (BREATHING HEAVILY)
It was just the giant
booster-seat dream again. Whew.
(SHUDDERING)
Is that a pimple?
(IN SPANISH ACCENT)
Good morning, Tater.
(SQUEALS) Yes!
I'm a mature young woman.
Something this magnificent deserves
a beautiful, sophisticated name, like
(GASPS) Ooh, I know.
Penelope Amelie Mariana.
Or Pam for short.
Mmm, love it.
Just oozes class.
Wait till everyone
gets a good look at you.
FEMALE MC: And now presenting
your zit-cenera, Pam.
(CROWD GASPS)
TERE: She's so beautiful.
TOÑITA: Hey, look at that thing.
I can't wait for my first pimple.
TABI: So mature.
Everyone's going to love you, Pam.
Just wait and see how the world treats
a mature woman with a pimple.
You'll never be offered
a booster seat again.
I like the sound of that.
All right, Pam, it's time for the world
to meet you.
I mean, us.
Here I am, world!
Presenting my newest addition (YELPS)
Ow! (GROANS)
Tater, what are you doing?
- You can't go out like that.
- Not on our watch.
Primos, we have a situation!
Code granitos! I repeat.
Code granitos!
Uh, weren't you guys gonna go
see a horror movie today?
(WHISPERING)
The real horror is here.
Quick. Get tons of "before" pictures
with the zit.
(YELPS)
Small fry,
I've always wanted to get a zit
just so I could pop it.
And I've always
wanted him to get a zit,
just so I could pop it.
But Big Nacho's been cursed
with baby soft clear skin.
- Oh, pobrecito. (SCOFFS)
- (SCOFFS)
I'll give you five bucks
if I can pop your zit.
What? No way.
Fine. His five bucks
y mi mango y chile lollipop. Yeah?
No!
Ooh, it's like a spider
buried her egg sac in your face.
(CHITTERS)
(ALARM BUZZING)
Ah, shiny!
Oh, okay, whoa.
No one touches Pam!
You really shouldn't name things
you're going to get rid of.
You'll get attached.
Pam is attached.
Bueno, we won't get rid of it,
but we will hide it.
So no one can see it.
Nunca, nunca.
(GROANS SOFTLY)
(SIGHS SOFTLY) Okay, fine.
T-Sisters,
you can handle Pam.
- Oh, cool!
- (CHEERING)
(CHUCKLES)
I know it looks like I'm giving in,
but I've got a plan.
Divide and conquer.
It'll be easier to shake
the primos individually, then
- (CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)
Pretty smart, huh?
You aren't actually listening, are you?
Don't worry about her, Tater.
I think your plan is solid, ingenious,
and may I add, extremely mature.
Thanks, Pam. Let's do this.
Should we go for the hielo?
The Himalayan salt UV mask.
Or go straight for the bangs?
I vote for bangs.
ALL: (EXCLAIMING)
Ooh, hair makeover!
(MAN YIPPING)
Wow. Your worst haircut yet, Tabi.
Even worse than that mullet
you gave abuela last fall.
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
- You didn't even try.
- No fue mi culpa.
(YELLING) Why are we yelling?
Looks like we're in the clear.
Whoa!
Take a seat.
My morgue makeup can cover anything.
Now what's your skin tone?
Plague Yellow? Gravedigger's Tan?
Let's try a blend.
Mmm. (CHOMPS) My power only grows.
- Oops.
- I love it.
Kinda looks like a giant scab,
don't ya think? (CHUCKLES)
You know, maybe instead of just covering
the zit we could, you know
I could cover your whole face
in scabs and scars.
Say no more.
I know I packed some fake blood
around here somewhere.
Another win for Tater and Pam.
Nacho, look! Get her!
- Pop it!
- Burst it.
- Squeeze it!
- Squeeze it!
Don't worry, Pam.
I'm a mature young woman.
- (BIG NACHO AND NACHITO SCREAM)
- (GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
Booyah-buh-bam!
Ooh, I love your catchphrase.
Aw, thanks, Pam.
- (BABBLES)
- (YELPS) Ah, get it off! Get it off!
Shiny!
- Tater, she's got us.
- Not for long.
- Ninja, dragon, tornado! Off ya go.
- (YELPS)
(GRUNTS AND GIGGLES)
- Vamos, let me pop the zit.
- NACHITO: Or me!
Could Tater always do that?
Maybe the zit's helping.
Pimple power!
Now it's really time to show me off.
And by me, I mean you.
My primos may not recognize maturity
when they see it,
but Terremoto Heights will.
Hello, world! Presenting
Ew! Pizza face!
Here, I'll wash that nastiness
off for ya!
(GROANS AND GURGLES)
Ugh, forget him, Pam.
That's just the Skid.
He doesn't know anything
about being mature.
Clearly.
(CLEARS THROAT) Where were we?
Oh yes. Hello, world!
Wow! Look at that zit.
Man, I thought killer bees
were bad. (SHRIEKS)
(STAMMERS) Even the bees
don't like you?
"R", "U", ugly?
Wait, am I ugly?
Is a zit really a sign of maturity,
or is it just a sign of being gross?
(WHIMPERS)
You know, I'm right here, Tater.
I know, Pam. That's the problem.
I gotta go find the primos.
PAM: (CRYING) Tater, wait!
Hey, Nacho, Nachito?
PAM: Can't we talk about this?
- Lotlot?
- PAM: (CRYING) Tater, please.
(GROANS SOFTLY)
Where is everyone when I need them?
Oh, right, everyone went
to that dumb horror movie.
At least they left
all this stuff for me to use.
(LAUGHING) I'm sure
I can figure it out by myself.
I thought we were
having fun today, Tater.
I thought we were becoming
cool and sophisticated.
It's nothing personal, Pam.
But let's be real here.
I can't look cool or sophisticated
with a big zit on my face.
I thought people would look at me
and see a mature young woman,
but I was wrong.
(CRYING) Oh, Tater
Pam, I have to end this. I'm sorry.
I may just be a pimple,
but I know what love is.
(SIGHING) Oh, Pam
When you came into my life
Something in me awakened
And I felt these feelings
I'd never known
Like a woman on top of the world
I didn't wanna press
or pick at or pop you
'Cause you felt my destiny
But those days are over now
It still could be you and me
For all of eternity
It's time for me to squeeze you out
Careful don't press too hard
I don't wanna leave you scarred
Vanity has taken over me
BOTH: And now I know what I must do
I gotta go my own way now
And say goodbye to you
(WHISPERING) Goodbye.
Hey, Tater. Where is everyone?
They all went to the movies.
You should probably go, too.
(CHUCKLING) Wow.
Getting an early start on Halloween?
- Respect.
- What?
(SIGHS) No.
If you think this mask
is supposed to be scary,
just wait till you see
what it's hiding.
Ooh. Que es?
A new tat? Cool scar?
A third eyeball?
It's a zit, okay?
Zits? Well, hey then.
We're twinning!
Wait, you have zits?
- Orale, Tater.
- Todas las poderosas have them.
(GASPING) Wow.
(STAMMERS) But you're, like,
the coolest person I know!
You can't possibly have
something in common with me.
Pfft, pues, I do.
So, why don't you just
get rid of your zits?
Oh. (CLICKS TONGUE)
Granitos are just a part of life.
Zits come and go.
Part of life?
That means
I could keep getting zits forever!
(GROANS)
Nope, nope, nope. I'm not gonna be
stuck wearing this face mask forever.
I'll just keep my zit!
I told you I was cool.
(WHISTLES) Now that's a zit.
(CHUCKLES) Sabes, Tater.
Losing the mask and keeping that zit
might be the most mature thing
I have ever seen you do.
Really?
Even though you've seen me
in a booster seat at Quakey's?
(LAUGHS) Si.
Maturity isn't always about
what's on the outside, Tater.
It's also about la actitud.
And your 'tude, pfft, something else.
Pimple power?
Booyah-buh-Pam. (LAUGHS)
Well, I guess I don't need this anymore.
Now hang on there a minute.
I've got a plan.
(CHITTERING)
(LAUGHS)
- (GRUNTS)
- (YELPS)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Yeah, that's right.
(GASPS) Oh, no.
I'm free!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(WOMAN READING)
(RUMBLING)
KILLER BEES GUY: It's an earthquake.
(STOMACHS GROWLING)
ALL: Pizza.
Where's our pizza? It's been hours.
(GROANS) I'm so hungry,
I'm losing muscle mass.
No, it's just ChaCha nibbling ya.
(CHACHA GRUNTS)
At least someone's gettin' a bite.
Can we pick a new venue
for Primo Pizza Hour?
This one's kinda gross.
TATER: Quakey's makes
the best pizza in Terremoto.
BIG NACHO: It's the only pizza
in Terremoto.
And what's with the stage.
There's never any entertainment.
- (ALARM RINGING)
- Oh, I gotta bounce.
(GASPS) You can't bail
on Primo Pizza Hour. It's sacred.
(CLICKS TONGUE) I know
but it's my first day at my summer job.
Well, all three of my summer jobs.
Did you say three jobs?
You heard right, Tatie.
This economy stinks
and I need some dinero.
Oh, what a boss.
A career gal, a go-getter, a dynamo.
Get that bread.
(CHUCKLES) It's not about the money.
It's about what the money gets me.
Mis suenos.
Suenos means dreams, Tater.
I know that one.
I know all about dreams.
(GASPS) Cool cousin Lita
has something in common with you.
Come on, Tater. Be cool. Be cool.
LITA: (CHUCKLES) See ya later.
Lita, wait! (GRUNTS) Um, what's, uh
What's your dream.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Gonna be a rockstar.
Flamenco death metal, baby.
(GASPS)
(CROWD CHEERING)
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
I believe in you, queen!
Sign me up for your fan club.
I'm all in.
(CHUCKLES) Gracias, Tater.
But first I gotta make money
to record a demo. Hence, the jobs.
- And el nuevo carro.
- (CAR ALARM BEEPS)
(HORNS HONKING)
You call that new?
- You call that a carro?
- (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Can I come with you?
Tater Traitor.
Am I the only one who cares
about Primo Pizza Hour?
This is bigger than Primo Pizza Hour.
This is my future.
Maybe my final form is
Business Tater.
I push all the envelopes,
all the needles.
I make sure the juice
is worth the squeeze.
My shoulder pads are so high,
they shatter the glass ceiling!
(GLASS BREAKING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
This could have been an email.
- You could have been an email!
- (BUZZING)
(SCREAMS)
Yeah, Boss Lady!
Circle back, team.
- I'll see you at the water cooler.
- (BUZZES)
Please, let me come along!
Seguro. I could use a cheering squad.
Don't expect too much, though.
No hay nada glam about my Huh?
(BUZZING)
(CHUCKLES) Hasta luego, primos.
(SHOUTING) Where's that pizza?
- (SPLATTERS)
- No!
Let's hit the ground running.
Where's the office at?
You're in it, pal.
Salude a Grub Schlubs'
newest delivery schlub.
And you're my GPS.
Whoo-hoo!
(IN ROBOT VOICE) Call me navigator!
- (NORMAL VOICE) What are we delivering?
- Just a bunch of food.
I picked it all up on the way here.
(GROANS) How long
have they been sitting in the car?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
I cracked the window.
That's a whole roast turkey.
Huh, that was frozen when I got it.
Eh, vamonos.
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(TIRES SCREECH)
(CLANGS)
Hey! We're too far out!
De acuerdo. This song is far out.
No, I said you're too far out.
You missed a turn.
Relax. I got this.
Special delivery.
Done and done.
That burger was for the next house.
Ooh, my bad.
They can have this instead.
Salad's way healthier.
(FLUTTERING)
- That's not theirs.
- (PHONE BEEPS)
Ooh, your first review. Uh-oh.
One star.
Horrible service?
Uh
(CAT SCREECHING)
(CAR HONKING)
I mean, they're not wrong.
But no review
is better than bad reviews.
- (CHUCKLES) Huh?
- (PHONE BUZZES)
You are banned from Grub Schlub.
(GASPS) Lita, I'm so sorry!
I got you fired
by deleting your reviews.
(TIRES SCREECH)
Oh, dang.
I thought my aim was improving.
You know what? It's cool.
Tengo otras opciones
for funding my demo.
On to job number two.
Yeah. She could still make it.
- (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
- (CROWD CHEERING)
- (SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
- (CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(GROANS SOFTLY) Kind of.
You've seen my resume, haven't you?
(CHUCKLES)
My biggest weakness is caring too much,
and giving 110%, and back zippers.
Uh, you got this in tiger stripes?
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
- (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
- (CLICKS)
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Sick.
Uh, Lita, I think you've got
a customer who needs your help.
(GRUNTING)
- Hey!
- Ahhh!
Wanna loosen those up?
I got you. Hey, Taty.
Toss me that steamer.
Aye-aye.
- (WHOOSHES)
- Ahhh!
Fire!
(ALL SCREAMING)
WOMAN: Somebody save the cashmere!
- (SIRENS WAIL)
- (SPRINKLERS HISS)
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
- (MELANCHOLY STRUMMING)
- (CAT SCREECHES)
(SIGHS WEARILY) Oh, man.
I should go home.
I'm ruining your music career
before it even begins.
No way. That was my bad.
I thought the steam would
plump up those pants like tamales.
Anyway, who wants to work for a place
that doesn't sell Tiger Blazers?
Yeah! You call that
- hot couture?
- I don't.
I'm taking you to my last job.
You're going to love it.
This place is perfect
for someone as organized
and driven as you.
You really think that about me?
I know it about you. Vamonos.
(ENGINE ACCELERATING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Wow. This office is so
Beige. Bland. Boring.
- Business-y!
- (ANGELIC CHORUS PLAYS)
It's everything I imagined.
Are you Julita?
In the flesh.
She'll push those pencils.
She'll crunch those numbers.
She'll do it all!
Call me Lita.
Well, we accidentally
over-hired interns,
so we're now conducting interviews
to determine who's the best match
for our fast paced,
high octane environment.
(POPPING)
I'll pencil you in
after the next candidate.
Is there a Blaine Himbo here?
BLAINE: Yeah, that's me.
The Blainemaker. The Blaine train.
I make it Blaine.
(MIMICS AIR HORN)
(NORMAL VOICE) My name's Blaine.
You don't say.
Go on in.
(WHOOPING TRIUMPHANTLY)
- There goes my demo tape.
- What?
No. Did you see that guy?
We're going to nail this interview.
I don't know, Tater.
This place doesn't seem like my vibe.
I don't think they're gonna choose me.
I would choose you all the time.
Y te adoro por eso, Taty.
But you're not hiring.
Leave your dreams to me, prima. You!
Is that conference room available?
- Who are you again?
- Never you mind.
- What's happening?
- Career makeover!
Graphs and charts.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
(PANTING)
- Come on, come on!
- (BEEPING)
- Go, go! Oh!
- (RUMBLING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
TATER: Mmm-hmm.
How would you define this job?
LITA: Dead-end,
soul-sucking internship?
No, it's a chance
to gain valuable experience.
- Why do you want it?
- LITA: I don't.
But I need money?
No, but that's an honest answer.
Kid, I like your style.
You're ready for business.
Good luck!
Not that you'll need it now.
Oh, boy, we're back on track.
This song goes out to my prima.
It's called "Thank you, Tater,
for making all my dreams come true."
- (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
- (CROWD CHEERING)
- (CHUCKLES)
- BLAINE: Yeah!
(MIMICS AIR HORN)
The Blaine train
is pulling into the station.
Your boy just got hired!
No! Impossible!
How did he get the job?
Well, he was the only one who applied.
Make way for the King-tern.
What? What about Lita?
The coolest person who ever lived?
Oh, your babysitter?
Didn't stick around for the interview.
She left.
(MELANCHOLIC GUITAR STRUMMING)
- (KNOCKS)
- Hey.
Did something happen?
No, Tater.
You did a great job helping me
with the interview.
But, in the end, that person wasn't me.
If getting a job means I have to change
everything about who I am,
then I don't know if I can do it.
Even for my demo.
I didn't mean to do that.
I just wanted to help.
You did.
You helped me realize
something pretty valuable.
If a job makes me change
my whole personality
Tal vez no es para mi.
You should work in order to live.
Not the other way around.
You know what I mean?
(GASPS) What if I found a job
where you could use your passion
and save up money for a demo?
I like where this is going.
Then stop this car!
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- (SMASHES)
TATER: Wakey, wakey.
As this establishment's
loyalest patron for the past decade,
I have an idea that
can push the needle.
Reinvent the pizza wheel.
Breathe some life into this place!
- Synergy.
- Hmm?
You heard her. Synergy.
This Primo Pizza Hour
better not fall apart like yesterday.
I can't handle another betrayal.
This time will be different.
This place does look kind of different.
I'm okay being seen here.
Is this a mirage? A miracle?
- Nope, pepperoni.
- (ANGELIC CHORUS PLAYS)
Made it myself.
- Now that I work here.
- Oh, yes!
(ALL CLAMORING)
(CHITTERING)
Well, time to move.
What? You're leaving?
That was just a Primo Pizza Minute.
You're hurting Big Nacho's big feelings.
Calmate, I ain't going nowhere,
Super Nacho Bros.
It's time for my first gig.
I even have fan merch.
For my very first fan.
This is for me?
You're looking at music history
in the making.
Gracias a ti, prima.
A one, two, three, four!
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
My face is being melted, and I love it!
(ALL CHEERING)
(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)