Rap Sh!t (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

1
But you be playin' that role ♪
You always actin' tough ♪
When I get back on that road ♪
Them hoes, they show me love ♪
All of a sudden ♪
All set.
Oh, wait. There's actually a
second verse that's just right about
Thank you, Jill.
Okay. Um,
I've got something fresh out of Miami.
It's gaining a little bit
of local traction.
I think it might be dope
for "Feeling Myself"
or maybe even "Weekend Workout."
Great. Let's hear it.
I'ma spend his cream ♪
Oh shit. That's my girl!
I'ma spend his cream ♪
Put his face in
that crack like fiends ♪
Put an arch in your back then leave ♪
I'ma show you how
to run these schemes ♪
Say my name in it, go insane in it ♪
Say this pussy too wild,
no taming it ♪
Okay. Love it.
They're so good, aren't they?
This is actually
my really good friend Shawna,
and I was waiting to pitch them until,
you know, they've written
a few more songs.
Well, I knew who they
were too good to wait on.
Cool. Good find, guys.
- Thank you!
- Thank you!
No friends in the industry ♪
My brothers been my brothers, man ♪
You niggas ain't
no kin to me, a fact, whoa ♪
I was known for snappin'
when I chat before the app ♪
Upgraded seats,
poppin' bottles with the legroom!
Trick me out and I'm finna
do tricks in the bedroom ♪
- Sittin' so close to the pilot ♪
- Yeah!
Just might fuck him and rename
his cockpit to my dick! ♪
Look, my foot don't even reach!
Oh my god!
Baby's first flight! Look at her!
Excuse me. Another round, please.
Mm!
What?
You know what woulda
been good with this?
Cinnabon!
- Bye, y'all!
- Bye, y'all!
Insert
the metal fittings, one into the other,
and tighten by pulling on
You about to love this city.
Ooh! Can I twerk on this?
I should twerk on this.
Oh my god, Mia, Mia!
You're gonna fall! Be careful.
Aw, look at Auntie
and dem. I see ya now.
Hey!
Girl, I look like you on
Maurice last weekend, okay?
Sak pasé! You want some
of this "sak pussé"?
Girl, fuck you!
It was not even like that!
All this energy?
Save that for your man, okay?
Child, please, okay? I'm
strictly seducing and scheming
this weekend, okay?
Emptying them pockets, okay?
No way. What's the deal with him anyway?
I mean, just a rich white man.
Dick probably don't even work.
We could take a subway or take a taxi
Subway? Girl, do I look
like Master Splinter to you?
Girl, or ninja turtle?
Girl, don't play with me.
- Ooh! Hold this.
- Girl! Okay.
Attention!
This is how a bad bitch
leave Miami and arrive in Queens.
You bitches can't even
spell "Queens." Mm!
Watch my smoke, hoes.
Mm! Jeffrey!
- Don't forget the red bottoms.
- Get in, girl!
Come on. Talking about some
damn subway, girl. Bitch, please!
I'm rich, but still the same bitch ♪
Rather slice a nigga's tires,
look him in his face ♪
Say I love him while I'm lying ♪
I love how he tricky,
wanna put me in his hand ♪
I'ma make him work,
put a cookie, nigga, word ♪
Watch this shot, watch this shot.
- Boom! Double.
- Woo-hoo!
- Boy, gimme that shit. Get your ankles!
- W. As usual.
Hey, bro, let me get a sandwich.
Uh, no mayo though.
I'm vegan till, like, Friday.
Man, I ain't making you no
weird-ass sandwiches. Come on.
- Hey!
- Hey!
Happy Friday. What are you up to?
I'm just chilling with these fools.
What's up, Shawna?
Hey, Jermaine. Hi, Aubrey.
What's happening with you?
Not much. I'm bored. Just got off work.
Hey, wait up. Someone's at the door.
Ay! What the heck?
- Hey, Shawna!
- What's up, Shawna!
I missed you so much!
I'm in your city.
Mm-hm.
- Oh. Oh.
- Get a room, bro!
Alright.
Come here. I wanna show you some things.
Be careful with him!
Better open a window
back there! Nasty ass
Good job.
- Damn, I'm sweaty.
- Yeah. That's 'cause you put in
- efficient work.
- Shut up.
Yeah.
No, you made me wait months to see you.
I know. I'm sorry.
- Oh. Oh
- What you doing?
My lashes. These were expensive, bro.
- What?
- Nothing!
You staring at me.
I mean, this is just a new look.
Yeah, I had to get on my
bad bitch shit to see my man.
Uh-huh. I like it.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Tell me what else you like.
Oh shit
Damn. Uh
I wish we could spend the day in bed,
but I got a test on Monday.
Okay. Grab your flashcards.
What's stopping you?
Oh, fuck.
Check this out, y'all!
The Moët chilling!
Ooh!
Then we have the berries.
Dipping! And the views,
the motherfucking views. View it, bitch.
Yes! I mean,
I might have to get me a New
York spot for the weekends.
A bitch could get used to this.
Bad little bitch,
they don't make 'em like me ♪
Not a lot of niggas can afford me ♪
I made it! I made it.
It's like the old me can't even
get in touch with the new me.
The old me is like
"Bitch, I hate your guts!"
The new me is like
"Bitch, suck my ass through a straw."
You bitches can never, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever
Campfire Twist.
Ooh! Mind the assets!
Seared duck heart with trout roe
and tender young vegetables.
Damn, they're really trying
to make you feel
some type of way with
these descriptions, huh?
Works on me.
I got pretty pearlies, baby ♪
These niggas ain't texting me ♪
Ladies, when you a five-star bitch,
make them pay for every star, okay?
Your presence is the presents.
Look at this little
banana pudding! It's so cute!
Oh, wait, wait, wait, no, wait.
Cliff and I at our first
dinner in New York.
Me and Cliffy about to
destroy this banana pudding.
I can't wait till you're here for good.
You just wanna see me freeze to
death in these New York winters.
Well, you do look good in
my puffy-ass coats
so
Thank you.
So, like
What's next with all this
for the group? I mean.
I don't know.
I know that for the first time ever,
- I'm not, like, overthinking things.
- Mm.
Which I like.
And it's working.
But that video you sent me, like
Oh
I was a rolling, rolling like
zooted.
What a night.
You ready? 'Cause I'll,
um, I'll get a check.
I took care of it.
Oh, you got money now?
I wanted to treat you this time.
I popped up on you. It was my idea.
Okay, fine, but
tomorrow's on me.
Okay.
Shit pretty as fuck.
My view's not so bad either.
Yeah?
I was tripping, you was
tripping, who the pilot? ♪
- How about now?
- Fucking amazing.
Not a riot ♪
And I had a nightmare last night ♪
Touch yourself more.
We had too many hoes in
this bitch, I had to round 'em up ♪
I had too many hoes in my
face, I had to cut 'em off ♪
Mm
You are making it very
hard to stay on this side of the car.
Ayy, bitch, can I break you off? ♪
Mm Good.
Mm Play with it.
Fuck what a nigga do,
reach for some inner peace ♪
Geeked on my side of town,
dope when I'm sliding down ♪
Ghost when I'm sliding down,
Ghost when I'm sliding down ♪
- Okay, I'll take that now.
- Mm
You sure you don't want me to come up?
I don't know. The liquor really hittin'.
I think I'ma pass out.
No problem.
Tomorrow, I'll show you
around some more.
Maybe we can do some shopping.
I like how that sound.
Sleep well. I'll see you in the morning.
Wanna fuck the world ♪
I'm a walking erection ♪
Your nigga caught us texting ♪
You said, baby, don't be mad ♪
You know how Brent is ♪
If you ain't speaking good to me ♪
What are you doing?
I'm making something for you.
What?
Just 'cause I fuck you,
that don't mean I trust you ♪
I don't ♪
You've got some high hopes ♪
High hopes, baby ♪
Fuck me crazy
and I'll tell you about me ♪
Yes Yeah
I was nothin' at all ♪
Today's a big day, y'all. Mm
First, we're gonna go to Chanel.
And then, we gonna go to Louis.
Then, we gonna get a little
bit of that Balenciaga.
Oh, and then,
we gonna go to the
Empire State Building.
Hello?
Hello?!
Who
Ooh!
- Hey, Mia!
- You busy right now?
Um, I'm just working
on trying to get ready
- for this brunch to go with Cliff
- Man, go the fuck around!
- Mia?
- I need somewhere to go.
What happened to your hotel?
Just come to Cliff's.
You can stay with us.
Aight. Well, where he staying again?
- Near Best Buy?
- He lives in Bed-Stuy.
Let me just text you the address.
Aight.
Excuse me, ladies and
gentlemen! I am sorry to interrupt!
I know that your time is valuable!
I have been diagnosed
with stage four cancer!
I have no medical insurance!
I lost my job
related to COVID-19!
But because someone stole my identity,
I couldn't collect
unemployment insurance!
Anything would help.
No third rail power.
At this time,
we're investigating right now.
No fucking way! He got an
offer from Simpson already?
What's the point of us
studying this hard
if we're just gonna end up
at some tier-two law firm?
I don't even know, man.
Like We'll see.
So, that's Cliff's polite way
of saying "speak for yourself."
Haven't you heard? It's
Wachtell or bust for this guy.
I mean, Cravath was his security choice.
Yeah, right. Yeah, I wish,
but I'm not even certain I
wanna go the public interest route.
You can drop the faux humility.
It doesn't make us hate you any less.
Thank you.
Hey!
- Shawna! Hi!
- Oh, hi.
- It's so good to finally meet you!
- Hi. Yes.
- Cliff has told me so much about you.
- Aw. Well, hi.
- Fatima, right? Yeah. Nice to meet you.
- Yes.
You, too. Oh! And congratulations.
Cliff told me that they played
your song in a club.
- Yes.
- Oh!
They did. Thank you.
Does it feel like a big weight
off your shoulders?
What do you mean?
Well, I know you've been
working at this for a while.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, Mia! You made it!
Ah! Okay, girl, I saved you some food.
And, oh, we have
champagne right here, girl.
Had a long ride?
Some orange juice here too.
Keep pouring.
Why y'all live here?
You know there's other options, right?
She's gonna need her own flute
'cause they'll kick you out for sharing.
Mm. You must be Cliff.
It's nice to meet you.
Oh, yeah. Sorry, guys.
This is Mia, my friend.
Everyone, this is Mia. Mia, everyone.
I get it.
The city takes a minute to grow on you.
Never gonna grow on me.
And if it do, I'ma cut it off.
I mean, you're gonna have to
travel here a lot though, right?
Fuck no. For what?
For your group?
Since Shawna's moving here.
Shawna doing what?
She didn't tell you?
No.
We gonna figure it out.
Holy shit.
Girl! Jill just invited
us to a Spotify party.
What?
- No!
- Yes, bitch.
- Bitch, let's go.
- Yes!
Let's go! Say less!
Share like Fifi, bad like Riri ♪
Turn it on like TV, drink up Fiji ♪
Pop it in like a CD,
got my name on repeat ♪
The girls wanna be me,
but these hoes don't see me ♪
But these hoes don't see me ♪
It's your last night here,
and you wanna spend it with
someone you see all the time?
Can you lower your voice, please?
I'm asking if you want to come with us.
Nah, I-I'm good on that.
Jill said there's gonna be an open bar.
Fine. Whatever.
Hey!
Your makeup looks really good.
Thank you.
Could you, um,
maybe do mine?
My eyelashes keep falling off.
I've been waiting for you to ask.
I said oh ♪
The ill nana ♪
His lil baby, so I call him Big Papa ♪
He want my ah-ah ♪
- You pull it off.
- Shawna and Mia in the building.
- What's up? What's up? Oh!
- Period.
Baby, will you record us
as we, like, walk up?
- Yeah.
- And get Spotify in it.
- Okay, we here. We here.
- We here!
Our turn!
Seduce and scheme!
I think there's a photobooth back here.
Ooh, but that shit so swanky!
Hey, Jill!
- Oh my god! And you must be Mia!
- Hey
- Y'all look so beautiful!
- Thank you!
Oh my god!
- Hey!
- Oh god, so good to see you!
It's so nice to meet you. Girl,
thank you so much for hookin' us up.
- Oh, you did that.
- Yeah, of course.
I'm so glad that y'all
could make it this weekend.
- Aw.
- Look, I was just pitching you
Really?
Fingers crossed,
but I feel good about it.
- Girl, what?
- Oh shit!
Oh my god, Jill, seriously,
like, thank you so much.
- For real.
- For real.
Alright, so I just got
y'all two wristbands,
and a press pass for the third.
Okay, press pass!
Look at you! You official!
Very important pussy!
Okay, girl, show us around,
please. I want to see.
Welcome to Spotify.
I don't know that lame bitch
I'm like, "Who the ho?" ♪
Big ice, VV's, call me Coolio ♪
The Big Don, 1942, Julio ♪
You see this? Baby, please,
record everything.
Like, pan around the room,
- from her to the
- Shawna, relax. I heard you.
I could make that pussy
sing like the studio ♪
Sing it to me, baby ♪
Hey!
Alright, so I have someone
that I want y'all to meet.
Crystal is one of our editors,
and she's who you wanna know.
- Pop, pop, pop!
- Is he rapping to her?
- Mm
- She don't like that.
Alright, let's head over.
- Now? Okay.
- Mm-hmm! Hey,
just follow my lead. It's okay.
Babe, we'll be right back.
- Hi!
- Hi!
- Hello!
- Shawna
- Champagne?
- Thank you.
We'll just let you guys have
a good night. And thank you!
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Bye, y'all.
We got on a playlist!
That's great, baby!
- Period!
- Yes! We did that shit! Ooh, bitch.
Why you bring that money to the club ♪
- Wristbands, wristbands.
- Here you go.
Whoa, slow it down, Turbo.
Wristbands only.
But no, he with us.
Not if he ain't got a wristband
he ain't gettin' up in here.
- They're being so extra.
- You should go ahead.
I'll just, uh I'll be at the bar.
- Are you sure?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh wait, baby.
Can I have my phone?
Thank you.
Hey, hey, hey ♪
- Bad bitches linking up all over!
- Y'all see it!
You already know the
baddest bitches in Miami!
I got 'em right here! And they up next!
Ay, let's go, let's go, let's go ♪
I'm kinda low-key,
kinda like way down hoes ♪
Oh my god, girl. Look, look,
look. That's Sunny Howard.
He does, like, everybody's music videos.
- We have to talk to him.
- Damn.
- Everybody trying to talk to him.
- Yeah.
Oh shit, girl. I'll be right back.
What? Where you going?
Look, Sunny looks like he's
gonna be occupied for a while,
and I gotta go check on Cliff.
Hey. What are you doing down here?
Where's Mia?
Oh, she's upstairs.
We were in VIP.
We just met Maliibu Miitch.
- I just got a video and everything.
- So you gonna go back?
No. No, no. I'm here.
I'm with you. What are we drinking?
Alcohol.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh
my god. Don't look. Don't look.
That's Brent Faiyaz.
What?
It's Brent Faiyaz. It's Brent Faiyaz.
- Hey, you try these yet?
- Oh!
No, no. They look like
science experiments. Long-ass names.
That's what I'm sayin'. Um
Let me get a whiskey neat.
- Good choice.
- You a artist?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in a group.
- I'm in a rap group.
- Word. Let me hear somethin'.
Oh, okay. Um
No, I'm fuckin' with you.
I'm fuckin' with you.
- I was ready to. I got bars. I'm good.
- Right. Word?
I can't stand when people do that.
"Sing me something.
Will you sing for me?"
- I know. That's so annoying.
- Yeah.
I make music, so I get
that shit all the time.
- Oh, you make music?
- Mm.
Okay, let me not pretend no more
because I know you make music.
- Like, I'm a big, big fan.
- Appreciate you.
- For real.
- For real. That's love.
I don't wanna be this
person at all, but
could we get a couple photos?
Oh, fasho.
Oh, can you take a few of us?
- Prom-style.
- Oh.
Oh! Cliff,
- um, this is Brent Faiyaz.
- What's going on, man?
Good to meet you.
Hey, we-we've just been
listening to your music.
Yeah! Yeah! We
listen to your music all the time.
Appreciate you.
- All the time, huh?
- Like Yeah.
"Skyline" is, like, my favorite song.
That's one of my
favorites. Yeah, for real.
- You're so talented. Like, I'm just
- Wow.
I appreciate that. For real.
Well, thank you.
It was nice meeting you.
Good to meet you.
Good luck with everything.
Yeah.
- Have a good night.
- You, too.
Five, four, three, two,
where the ones go? ♪
This a shit show, put you front row ♪
Mia, have you seen Cliff?
I cannot find him anywhere.
Excuse you!
- What you say, hoe?
- I said excuse y
Excuse you?
I am so sorry. I am so sorry.
- This bitch just hit me!
- Excuse you, bitch! Who you
Call security! She didn't
even do anything to you!
I am so
Call security! Call the mayor!
Call Eric Adams!
Bitch, is you serious?
You apologizing to these motherfuckers?
- Girl, breathe. Please.
- For real?
When you asked me
to go to New York, I go.
No questions asked.
So when shit go down,
you supposed to have my back.
I have your back!
We are at a work event!
- It's people watching us!
- All you care about is work!
You don't even fucking know what
I went through this weekend.
And you ain't even ask.
Selfish as fuck.
Mm. Aight, yo.
Hey. Hey, here she comes.
Here she comes.
Hey, the superstar is on her way up.
Bow and prepare your offerings.
Hey, bro.
Gimme your phone, man.
What are you doing?
Deadass? Seriously? You know what?
I hope your mama watching
this live. I'm about to call her.
Man
There she is! Hey!
What are you doing?
What is wrong with you?
Oh my god. You are wasted.
- Yo, turn that off.
- Say hi!
Are you recording? Are you
on live right now? Stop!
- Please, stop.
- No, no, no, no, no!
I'm the cameraman, remember?
Like, this is what you want, right?
You can't survive without
documenting every waking moment.
You know, w-we can't just
show the highlight reel!
I mean, c-can you please tell your fans
why you really came this weekend?
What are you even talking about?
Stop recording me!
Ay, so she got me over here,
looking at apartments, whole time,
she ain't got no plans to come
here, let alone fuckin' move.
And then, she brings me to Spotify
just so I can watch her
dick-ride Brent Faiyaz!
Right? Hey, t-tell the truth.
Because, like, it seems
like you planned that shit.
I came to New York to see my boyfriend.
I got on a plane to see you.
That is what I planned!
- You left me.
- You left m-me, Cliff!
I've been your plus one for three years!
You couldn't do it for three hours!
Who the fuck are you anymore?
Like, you sucking
and fucking all different,
your eyelashes are going everywhere,
and then you show up to my doorstep,
acting like a goddamn hood porn star.
Fuck you.
I'm sorry I'm not a stuffy law-bitch
that you can fit into your 10-year plan.
- Get that out of my face!
- No!
This ain't about Fatima
and you know that.
How is it not about her?!
I'm sure she watching
this shit right now! Hey!
I mean, you're the one
pillow-talking with the bitch!
- Goddamn!
- No!
- You are so insecure!
- I'm insecure?
Look in the mirror, bro!
You are on live right now,
crying about Brent fucking Faiyaz?
- You look stupid as fuck!
- Brent Faiyaz is not thinking about you
or that weak-ass music.
That shit is trash.
If that's how the fuck you feel,
maybe we shouldn't be together.
Ay, y-y'all hear that.
Hey, she don't think
we should be together.
What the fuck do you think I've
been saying for the past 10 minutes?
Move.
Move!
Your mama on the phone.
She's stuttering, so
might wanna call her.
Yeah, ma'am.
He-he-he gonna call you back.
Shit, she got me stuttering now.
Hey.
Hey.
I got this for you.
Okay.
Mia, I-I should have been there for you.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I just keep fucking everything up.
Thanks.