Reaper s01e05 Episode Script

Previously on Reaper Before you were born, your mom and I sold your soul to the devil.
You signed a contract with the devil, Sam.
- Forget about the contract.
- No, I want to see it.
What is it about you, Sammy? You just can't say no.
Almost ready? I just have to lock up but I'll meet you guys there.
You're not going to chicken out, are you? - What? - Karaoke performance anxiety.
No way.
4 beers deep, I'll be rocking some Bohemian Rhapsody.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
Ok, don't take forever, all right? I'm not singing that by myself.
Ok, I won't.
10 minutes.
Hello? Is anybody here? Oh.
Please, stay away from me.
Are you Sam Oliver? - Yeah.
- I got a contract for you.
What? Contract for your soul.
Heh, that's Sign there.
There.
Initial there.
This is gonna take hours.
Can it wait? Of course not.
I just, uh, I had plans with a girl.
We're meeting for karaoke like, right now.
So Here's an idea-- come with.
The girls are gonna get really wasted, they'd be all over a guy in uniform.
I can help you out, be your wing man.
Not to suggest that you need any help.
You're a very attractive demon.
I'm not hitting on you.
I just I'm gonna shut up, I'm gonna sign.
That's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna sign right now.
Initial.
Initial.
Half-off jello shots.
Just sayin', just sayin'.
Date.
Oh! What happened to you last night? Oh I had to sign documents for like 3 hours.
Really? A demon delivered a copy of my contract.
Hey! That's good, right? Got the copy of your contract, now you can, uh I don't know.
What can you do with that? I was hopin' I could find a way out of workin' for the devil, but I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
It was huge.
All legal and latin.
Oh! Oh, that had to hurt, huh? I've never seen anybody hit the floor that hard in my life.
- Son of a bitch! - Oh, is it slippery? Might have been sucking on your feet in your sleep.
My little brother does that.
Whoa! Are you sure you didn't tie one on last night, man? - You're a wreck! - Yeah, it's my stupid demon-sense.
Even with my shoes on, it's like I'm walking on ice.
Can I get some help here, please? Yeah.
Yes, and fine day to you, good sir.
So, uh, what'd I miss last night? Oh, dude, the bar was awesome, we had a great time.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
What happened? Uh, nothing happened.
It was super boring.
Sucked.
You just said it was awesome.
Yeah, I chose my words poorly, Sam.
Forget it.
- What happened at the bar? - I can't tell you.
Look, Sock, I'm gonna find out anyway, so just tell me what the hell happened! Just, um Oh, oh.
Ok, do you really want to know what you missed last night? - Yeah.
- Yeah? That.
Greg.
We were all waiting there for you at the bar for hours, by the way, and then in walks Greg with his super fancy hair and his pointy shoes, and he starts buying everybody drinks.
You let him buy you a drink? I don't want you to think about that right now, ok? I want you to think about Greg and Andi.
- Greg and Andi what? - They were hanging out together on the couch, talking.
And they were there until after I went home.
Yeah.
I know.
They outlasted even me.
All right, you don't need to see that anymore.
Don't look.
Look, you can't let that get you down, all right? You have devil business to take care of.
I know, it's just Andi thinks I blew her off.
I look like a jerk.
A jerk with tape on his shoes.
All right, listen to me.
I'm not advocating violence here, but if you need to, uh, take care of Greg, I know some people.
Yeah, I know the devil.
I think my people trump your people.
Yeah, uh-huh.
That's good.
- What is Ted doing? - I put a note on his windshield.
It says, "sorry, I hit your car.
" - You hit Ted's car? - Nope.
- Who did? - No one.
He's been looking for the damage over 10 minutes now.
That's genius.
Yeah, I think Ted would use a different word.
Hey, Ted.
What happened to your car? - Do you see something? - Yeah.
It's a little crooked right there.
Yeah, I see it, too.
It's definitely crooked.
Damn it! I'm calling this number.
- Who's number did you put? - Regional manager's.
Nice.
So another no-show last night.
It's becomg a habit, Sam.
Yeah, yeah.
I know, I know, I'm sorry.
Please, just tell me what's going on with you.
- I just-- I had some stuff.
- Some stuff.
What stuff? Jogging, actually.
Uh, uh, late night jogging.
I'm getting in shape for a triathlon.
Oh.
Ok, Sam.
You know what, you don't have to tell me anything about your personal life.
Just don't insult me.
- No, I'm not! I-- - You know what, my break's over.
I'll talk to you later.
Oh, you're the idiot that hit my car! I want your name! Yes, sir.
No, sir, I-- I am absolutely not drunk.
Thank you for your concern about my mental health, sir.
Sam Sam Boo! Always a good effect.
Low-tech, but awesome results.
I really don't care for you.
Oh, come on, Sammy.
Don't be like that.
Hey, how's that gal of yours, huh? Everything ok there? You know andi's not my "gal.
" I had to bail on her again last night.
I'm sick of it.
She knows I'm lying to her.
Oh, I see.
And now she's seeking comfort elsewhere.
What's his name? Greg? Well, we can deal with Greg when the time comes.
No problem.
No, let's not deal with Greg.
Let's let's just do this.
Oh, sure.
You want to be all business? - Yeah.
- We can be that way.
We'll be all business, here you go.
Now this sweet-faced mother of two, local activist.
Some smile, huh? - Let me guess-- she's dead? - Yep.
Slipped and fell.
Cracked her pretty head open on a toilet.
In my opinion, a very undignified way to go.
This bright-eyed, intrepid local reporter took a header down a stairwell.
Snapped his spine clean right at the neck.
Another accidental death, according to the authorities.
A soul killed all these people.
Made it look like accidents.
- And more will die.
- Well, who are they? And why are we down here in the sewer? Oh, come on.
Fire up that sleeping bean of yours, Sammy.
- I can't do all the work.
- I'm not asking for all the work.
I just-- I want a clue that's remotely helpful.
Fine.
You want it easy? I'll make it easy.
I'll point the way.
That's funny, hilarious! You're a jokester! Dick.
Whoa! Whoa, look out! The guy controlled the slime and crashed.
It was awful.
Guy didn't even have a chance.
And you said he was a lawyer, right? Yeah, Ed Fazio.
I've tried calling his office, but I guess they shut down after the news.
All right, let's talk consistency here.
We're talking about a dude made from slime.
What is it, snot-like? Spit? Household slime, what? Uh, household slime? Come on, Ben, everybody knows what household slime is.
Give me a break.
Well, whatever it is, there better be something bad-ass in this box to help us catch it.
Uh-huh.
Oh, wow.
Did the devil give you that, or my grandmother? Yeah, maybe you wear that, and the soul laughs itself back to hell.
Look, we have to back and find this thing, all right? Last time I saw it, it was heading down into a sewer grate.
No.
Not going down into the sewer.
I just bought these pants.
Look, the sewer's all we got, so suck it up, you guys, we're going.
Dad.
Mr.
O, you're looking very pimp today.
Uh, thank you, Sock.
- Hey, Ben.
- Hey, Mr.
Oliver.
- Sam, I'll catch you outside.
- All right, cool.
- Everything ok? - Yeah, yeah.
I found this lying on the floor at home.
Thought you might need it.
Oh, yeah, thank you.
I, uh, fell down a few times.
It must have popped out of my pocket.
Uh Sam, what is that? That is the contract.
The contract, huh? You mean the contract? - Wow.
- Yeah, yeah, well Should take me about a year to get through it.
Well, you want me to take a look at it for you? - No, dad, I can handle it.
- Uh, are you sure? Maybe there's a way I can help out.
I gotta get going.
Guys are waiting.
Yeah.
Damn it.
Dad, what-- what's wrong? Ah, just seeing that contract just brought back a flood of memories and feelings of guilt for what I did to you.
- No, it's-- it's ok.
- Well, look at me, sam.
I'm standing idle while you carry the burden for this.
What kind of father does that? I want you to arrange a meeting with me and the devil.
- What? Why? - To talk to him.
To convince him to release your soul, to make a trade.
Trade? Dad, I don't think you have anything to trade.
I have skills, Sam.
All the years in advertising, I can use those skills.
I don't-- I just don't think you have anything the devil needs.
I've created cartoon mascots to sell cigarettes to kids, Sam.
To kids.
Tell the devil that.
- That's a good point.
- Yeah.
Get me that meeting.
- Ok, I'll I'll ask.
- Ok, good, good.
- Hey.
Nice flowers.
- Hey.
Yeah.
It's kind of a nice surprise.
- Oh, you got a card.
- Oh.
Flowers, Sam? Very inappropriate.
Make your co-worker uncomfortable, you amp up the tension.
And we have harassment sexual harrasment rules that clearly forbid these types of unwanted overtures.
- I'm not harassing, Ted.
- Sam? - Yeah.
- Just trying to protect you.
- Flowers aren't from me, Ted.
- No, they're from Greg.
Greg.
I met him.
We had a conversation about ceiling fans.
I heartily approve.
That's funny, him giving me flowers.
They're-- they're really nice.
Wow.
Not as nice as that sweater, though.
What happened? Did you lose a bet? Oh uh, yeah.
- You goin' somewhere? - I got a family thing that I got Whatever.
Andi, wait, listen.
Ok, I haven't been What's going on, Sam? I have some stuff that I need to tell you.
Obviously, so just tell me.
- Ok-- - Ahem! Yeah.
Ok.
I can't right now.
But I will.
- Tonight, I promise.
Uh, 7:00? - All right.
Ok, I'll pick you up, and I will-- I'll tell you everything, ok? Everything.
I'm-- I'm good.
I'm ok.
So that's where I saw Fazio crash, right over there.
The slime guy went down the sewage right here.
All right.
Careful, guys.
Whoa, whoa! Holy Sorry, guys, this is the only way.
All right, here.
Ugh.
It smells like strawberry.
Oh, yeah.
- That's good.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- All right.
All right, I'll go.
Sorry.
So I'm gonna tell Andi.
Tell Andi what? Everything.
- Whoa, what everything? - Everything, everything.
About this, about working for the devil.
- Are you crazy? Why? - Because I have to.
She's already mad at me because she thinks I'm a liar, which I am, and I can't keep coming up with excuses every time I have to run errands for the devil.
If I'm ever gonna have a chance with Andi, I gotta come clean.
Oh, she's gonna freak out, man.
She's gonna think you're off your nut.
Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure she already thinks that.
Hey.
Hey, look at that.
Wait, that's him, that's the soul, that's gotta be.
Look, look, footprints.
I think he's down here.
Oh, boy.
What is this? Looks like a political fundraiser.
Soul could be trying to attack somebody here.
Hell, or it lives here.
- Oh, my god, look.
- What? I see an open bar.
Hi, how you doin'? Good drinks? Oh, 25-year-old scotch.
I'm goin' in.
No, no, no, no.
One of these people might be the soul.
Clearly, you didn't hear me.
Gentlemen.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Hi, can I help you? This a by donation only event.
Ah.
What a coincidence, actually, because I have been looking to donate a bunch of money to a worthy candidate.
Sam.
Now, listen, I have a couple pressing concerns.
Um, what is your standpoint on legalizing prostitution? - I'll handle this, Mr.
Hartford.
- Thank you.
- Are you the prostitution guy? - We're friends with Ed.
Ed Fazio.
Ah.
Well, in that case.
Get the hell off my property before I call the police.
Ok.
Jerry, will you take care of this, please? Ed Fazio is dead.
He died? A few hours ago.
Well, that is a shame.
That is a crying shame.
Well, not for me.
But I'm sure if you look far enough, you'll find a sap out there who did like the guy.
Heh heh, ok? All right.
Jerry.
Come on.
You need to leave.
He didn't even care about the dead guy.
Absolutely not.
It's like he wanted Fazio dead, you know what I mean? You know what, I bet Hartford is the soul.
I don't know.
I didn't even see the slime bag's face.
Well, only one way to find out.
- Wait, Sock! Sock! - Stop, Sock! Sock! No! Whoa! Ok.
It's cool.
Hey, do you think I can get my sweater back? It's an heirloom.
My dead grandmother made it for me, ok?! My mom's gonna kill me.
She could handle us being lost in the sewers.
She could handle that.
What are you doin'? We gotta kick somebody's ass, establish dominance, otherwise, uh deliverance brides, you know what I mean? I can take this guy.
Check it out.
Yo, homeboy.
What are you in for? Triple homicide.
Trifecta.
Nice work.
That's good.
I think we're in big trouble.
Look, we have more important things, all right? We lost the vessel, and we're not going to get another one back.
And that trumps prison rape? There.
That's them.
Unbelievable.
I knew you wouldn't quit me, baby.
I knew it.
My boss convinced Bobby Hartford not to press charges against you guys.
But you have to promise to never go near him again.
You mean, he just let us go? Hartford's about to announce his candidacy for city council, which means he doesn't want to deal with you goofballs.
Has Hartford been having any problems lately, - like with lawyers or something? - He's about to get his ass sued.
- Really? Why? - Dumping toxic waste.
His family owns a chemical company.
It's been rumored that they've been dumping for years, back when his dad was in charge.
Finally got enough evidence against him to file a class action this year.
- His dad? - Yep.
Bobby Senior.
Too bad he's dead.
I would love to see that slimeball pay, just like his son.
- It's the dad, it's gotta be.
- Well, why come back now? Bobby junior's running for office and this lawsuit could ruin him.
Dad's trying to get rid of his enemies.
We gotta get that sweater back.
- Yeah.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- Is that what time it is? - Yeah.
Damn it, I'm 3 hours late to meet Andi! Well, go.
We'll find the vessel.
How? You can't break into Hartford's! nobody kept that ugly sweater, it's in the trash at Hartford's house, all right? - Ok, I'll meet you guys there.
- You ever dumpster dive? Of course.
Remember that shirt I got you for your birthday? - That's a fine grab.
- Yeah.
Sam.
Hi, Mrs.
Prendergast.
Is Andi home? No, she went out.
She got a call from someone.
A friend.
Greg.
Uh, she went out with greg? Right, Greg? - I think it was Greg.
- Ok.
Um do you have any idea where they might have-- no? Oh.
Um, ok.
She'll probably be back soon.
Would you like to come in and wait? No, no, no, thank you.
Um, that's ok.
- Well, good-night, Sam.
- Good-night.
Oh, god! Say hi to your parents for me, Sam.
Yeah.
Ok.
I'll do that.
- Ok.
- Ok.
- See ya.
- Bye.
So, Greg What are you doing here? Well, I have a solution to your problem.
I know you've been distracted by all this Greg business, so I took the liberty to dig up some dirt on him.
I'm not interested.
Oh, I think you're going to want to see this.
See, he's been dating other women.
Plural.
Twins, to be exact.
What? Ha.
Dirty girls.
Slutty.
Oh, this player even makes me jealous.
I'll just bet you that Andi will be very interested in hearing about this.
No.
No, no, no.
I know what you're doing, you're trying to tempt me, and I'm not going to fall for that.
I'm not gonna stoop that low.
Ok.
What's your plan, then? I don't know.
I'll just - I'll outcharm him.
- Right.
Well, good luck with that.
Wait.
I think we know who the soul is.
Hartford's dad, right? He dumped a bunch of toxic waste, and now he's back to help his son? Yeah, me old story.
The sins of the father are visited on the son.
- Circle of life.
- Oh, my dad, right, um He wants to arrange a meeting with you.
Not a chance.
He just wants to meet with you.
He only wants to talk.
I already have everything I need from your father.
He has nothing else that I want.
Feel free to pass along that message.
Hey, check this out.
Ed Fazio was the lawyer on the case against the Hartford family.
He's pictured here with the reporter and an activist who helped break open the case.
Where'd you get this? Oh, we stopped at a computer at a Kinkos on the way over.
Actually, I got a receipt so satan can reimburse me.
These are the pictures the devil showed me.
They're all dead.
Yeah, and if they're all dead, what about the lawsuit? - Does it die with them? - I don't know, maybe.
This is worse than sewers.
How many cats do these people own? Well, judging by the amount of cat litter, I'd say about 1,200.
Damn it! Stupid garbage! So, uh How'd it go with Andi? Not good.
Sorry, dude.
All right, come here.
Come here, come here.
Come here.
In the eleventh grade, I was in love with this girl named Susan Pulitzer.
I was convinced that she was the one.
And then she came back from summer vacation, and she was pregnant.
I thought, good.
Now I know that she goes all the way for sure.
Then her parents sent her off to a convent school, and, uh I never saw her or heard from her again.
I was absolutely devastated.
Completely.
Well, look, I'm just trying to commiserate here, ok? Make you feel a little better about Andi.
- Some things can't be helped.
- No, I refuse to accept that.
I'm not gonna let Andi just slip away.
All right, good, well, what are you gonna do, then? I don't know.
I don't Something.
Oh, look, look! I found it! It's right here! - You found it? - It's stuck.
Move the stuff on top.
Hurry up so we can get the hell out of here.
Ok, how about a hand, please, Ben? Ben, we need a hand.
I need a hand.
- Sam, Sam-- - Hold on! It's got Ben, it's got Ben! He can't breathe! - Hurry up, hurry up! - Hold on, let me get the vessel! - Is he all right? - Ben, breathe.
Breathe, buddy, take a breath.
Is that used kitty litter? Uh-huh.
You should have just let that thing kill me.
Yeah, right.
Oh, god.
Oh, uh, sorry, Sam.
You're, uh, in kinda late.
Yeah, yeah, it's been one of those nights.
What's up? Well, I was just wondering if you had a chance to ask the devil about, you know, what we talked about, getting a meeting with him.
It's not gonna happen.
He was pretty firm.
- He won't meet me for 5 minutes? - No.
That's not right.
I mean, that isn't fair.
He can't do this! The devil can't do that! He-- I deserve the chance, just once chance-- Dad I'm sorry, sam.
I just want to help you, that's all.
I didn't know it was that important to you.
Of course it is.
You're my son.
I'm pretty sure you can't meet with him.
Um But you can look at the contract, if you want.
Yeah.
Of course I want to, Sam.
- Yeah.
- Sure.
You know, I went to catholic school, I know a little bit of latin.
I, uh, let me do this.
I will dedicate myself to finding a way out of this.
I promise.
I mean, maybe there's a loophole.
Thank you.
I will not let you down.
Nice sweater, weirdo.
Where are the other mental midgets? - They need to sign these, too.
- I don't know.
You are some bunch.
The one time I want Sock here, he's not here.
Hello? Hey, what's up? Yeah, I'm free.
No, I have not seen the movie yet.
You gonna bring Greg? That sounds like fun.
Yeah, I think I can scrounge up a date.
Ok.
I'll see you tonight.
Later.
- That was Andi? - Yep.
You two are going on a double date.
You and her, her and Greg, goin' out with Greg.
Yeah.
I think he's good for her.
- Yeah.
He's good.
- Nice, stable influence.
I think they make a cute couple.
Yeah, well, you know, Greg's dating twins, ok? if you wanna know! - What?! - Yeah.
Never mind.
I don't know.
Just forget it.
Forget it, I'm sorry.
- Don't tell Andi.
- Don't tell Andi?! - Yeah, don't tell Andi.
- Is it true? I don't-- maybe.
I--I saw pictures.
How am I supposed to not tell Andi? What if they get serious? Damn.
Oh, ok.
Wow, that's absorbent.
Knock, knock.
It's about time.
Where have you been? Uh, just reading.
Engrossed in, uh, reading the old newspaper.
So interesting.
You finally bought a newspaper for once in your life.
So? Yeah, today-- today's paper, actually.
The papier du jour.
Big steaming pile of news.
Someone's continuing the lawsuit against Bobby Hartford? Yeah.
A new lawyer signed on.
Gwynne Gilford.
She's a real pit bull, too.
Hartford's political career will end before it's even started.
Too bad.
That's it, this is the address.
Yeah.
Oh.
That must be the new lawyer.
Oh, my god.
I kinda want to break the law so she can get all legal on me, know what I mean? All right, so what do we do? We warn her? Huh? We tell her what, some slime guy is killing everybody on the case? - We're gonna look insane.
- Yeah.
Ok, look, there she goes.
Look.
I imagine a nice long shower will be in order.
Wash that very dirty little body.
You are dirty, Gwynne.
It's Hartford, he's in the water system.
He's already in there, come on! What? Huh? This is so wrong.
Wrong in all the right ways, my friend.
She's gonna freak out.
Who in the hell is out there? Who's in my house? We're from the water company, and there might be a problem with your water.
You have no right to be in here.
What problem with water? Uh, tainted.
Tainted water.
Step out of the shower, please.
I am not coming out of the shower.
I want your names, I'm calling the police.
What-- what the hell is this stuff? It went down the drain.
Back to the sewers! Ok! You can sue me anytime.
Anytime! How the hell are we gonna find it? Well, it's gotta be in the pipes! I hear it! It's in here, it's in here! - Here, take this.
- Stand back! I need the vessel! I need the sweater! Be careful! - Do you think Sam is ok? - He's probably good, right? Sam! Sam! Christmas come early this year, Bobby! We get him? We get him? We got him? - Yeah! - Yes! You saved my life! I almost lost it, I couldn't breathe! I know.
I jumped in there and nailed that dude! - We got him! - We did it! Yes! - I can't move my arms.
- What? It's like the slime crusted up in the sleeves, it's like concrete! I can't let go.
Well, what the hell are we going to do? Uh, excuse me, excuse me, I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
We're just going to come through right here.
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry about that.
Excuse me.
Yeah, I'm here for my friend, all right? He's needy.
Take a picture.
God.
- Hi, Gladys.
- Um Vessel drop-off? Place the vessel on the mat.
Um, we can't get it off.
You need an extraction? Don't worry.
I hardly ever hurt anyone.
Enter there, please.
Hey, Sam.
- Hey, how are you? - Slutty twins? You told Josie that Greg was dating slutty twins.
- Oh.
Josie told you, huh? - Yeah.
What, these ones? - Yeah, yeah, those are the ones.
- They're his sisters.
God, what would possess you to say something like that? Oh, I'm sorry.
I just Someone gave me the wrong information.
Who? Who would say that? I I can't-- I can't remember.
Another one of your big secrets, huh? You know what? You want me to stay out of your private life? Fine.
Stay out of mine, got it? Whoa, Andi, hold on! It was a mistake! Hey, Sammy.
Feel like a game? - You set me up.
- I did.
- But I feel awful about it.
- No, you don't.
You did it on purpose to screw me, to make me look like a scumbag in front of Andi.
Come on.
I thought you were mister high road.
"Oh, I'm not going to be tempted by pictures of greg with slutty twins.
" And then when the chips were down, you spilled your guts.
- Well, I was being stupid.
- Man to man? You always get a little stupid around that girl, Sam.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear.
I know what you were planning.
You were going to tell Andi all about our little arrangement.
Well, that just can't happen.
That would be bad for you.
And very bad for Andi.
Usually it doesn't end well for those mortals that come onto my radar.
Your folks, you, Sock and Ben.
- Sock and Ben are fine.
- For now.
But your secret dies with you, your family and your friends.
It dies.
Understand? I'm just saying, you know, you ought to think long and hard before you invite Andi into our little circle.
Is that a threat? No.
No, Sam.
Just the truth.
So I'm never going to be with Andi, that's what you're saying? What? No.
Hey, why would I deny you the love of your life? I'm just saying, you're going to want to keep her safe, and if that means telling a little lie or two, so be it.
I'm just looking after you two lovebirds.
Oh.
Don't feel so bad about keeping a secret.
That's what people do, all the time.
Throughout human history.
It's nobel to protect the ones you love, Sam.
If you really care about someone Sometimes it's safer to keep them in the dark.