Run the Burbs (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

1 Oh! I'm gonna walk with my friends.
What?! But it's cooler when there's three of us! - Peace! - Whatever.
Ain't no party like a Pham boy partay! Am I right? Yeah.
Pham party boys.
Okay, not great.
But, we got a whole year to work on it.
Any back to school resolutions? Is that a thing? Of course it's a thing! Oh! Hey, there's Moby.
Hey, Moby! Sweet ride! How was your summer? New scooter, bud? Kinda.
My dad gave it to me a month ago, but, I haven't seen him since.
Hey, how 'bout you join us bad boy playas over here? I'm good.
See ya in class! Okay, but, that was a dope scooter.
- Dad? - Yeah.
I know what my back to school resolution is.
Okay.
I wanna walk home from school alone.
Wow.
Okay, message received.
Wait.
To be clear, are you saying I wanna walk home alone.
Okay.
This is fine.
- I'm fine.
- It's not you, Ba.
It's me.
Grade five is a big year.
It sounds like it might be a little bit me.
I just think we should walk with other people.
Is it 'cause I talked to Moby? I don't even like that kid! Ugh! Don't be so confusing! Hey, Mom.
I'm home.
There's my baby girl.
How was the first day of high school? - Give me the deets.
- It was fine.
Fine? That's all I get? Mm, okay, my math teacher used to be a baby model.
Glad you're learning the important stuff.
Oh, I need a scientific calculator and a protractor.
They still make you use those stupid things? Oh, I also need money for a pizza lunch, and a bra.
A what? Hm? - Pizza lunch.
- You said "a bra.
" I just noticed that the other girls have them and I thought maybe I should have one.
So, like, more than your sports bra? Yeah.
Can you please not make a big deal out of this? It is a big deal.
It's your first real bra bra.
Can you stop that? Let's go.
Can you please be cool about this? Of course.
I am so adding smoothie to my list.
Add whatever you want.
My baby girl's getting a bra bra.
Let me introduce you to the vibe To the future it's alive, just in time Pay attention, blow your mind, whoa! Yeah, this that type of flow the critics talk about Yeah, this the type of glow that shut the city down I'm like, hold up, hold up You don't wanna get to toe to toe with the Whoa! Stepping out on a red? It's a stop sign.
And now you're talking to some random in a van? You're my dad.
But what if I wasn't? - But you are.
- Get in the van.
With a random? Do not use my words against me.
Get in the van.
You are causing a scene.
There's no one here.
Leo, van, now.
Milk bubble tea, please.
Sounds good.
Hey, Ramesh.
Good morning, Cathy.
Professor Devani? Duncan.
How are you? Good to see you.
Cathy, this is actually my colleague, and good friend, if I dare say so, Duncan, from the university.
Love an academic bromance.
I haven't seen you around campus much lately.
Yes, well, I'm only teaching three days a week now, but I'm still very influential.
I'll take a croissant too, please.
Ah, would you look at that? A croissant man, just like myself.
You're a real function off the old excel sheet, Duncan.
If you taught business, Cathy, you would have loved that joke.
No, I got it.
Well, in any case, your croissant and your bubble tea are on me.
Well, thank you, Ramesh.
I'll see you at the faculty dinner later? Yes, the faculty dinner.
Absolutely.
I'll just have a coffee and a croissant to whet my appetite for the dinner.
They always serve very fancy foods there.
These tiny treats on tiny toothpicks.
- How about a scone? - They don't have scones there.
We're not farmers.
We're business professors.
No.
Would you like a scone? You bought the last croissant for your good friend Duncan.
What? We're more coworkers really.
This baby is an XT-12.
Pretty rare, pretty sweet.
Yeah.
That's a bribe, right? No, it's a gesture to remind Leo that walking to school with me is way cooler than walking alone.
Hey.
No judgment, man.
I'm pro bribing kids.
I'm tryin' to survive out here.
Oh, thanks.
But you think, like, I don't know, maybe he's ready? I mean, he's a smart kid.
Leo's turning into a wild card! Grade five changes you.
That's true.
When I was in grade five, Jacob Kardinglow challenged me to a bike race.
Oh! What happened? When I showed up, he punched me in the kidney.
Oh! Thanks.
Yeah, no worries.
When I was in grade five, Jerry Flandin told me that if I didn't give him my sneakers, my parents would die in a plane crash.
Wha ! What happened? I gave him my shoes! How am I supposed to live with that kinda guilt? Pshh, when I was in grade five, I saw Lindsay Midenhorn from on the top of the twisty slide and I jumped off just to impress her.
- What happened? - Broke both my legs! Oh! - She wasn't impressed.
- See? That's what I'm talking about.
You wanna know what I saw Leo doin' today? - What did he do? - I saw him step off the sidewalk without looking both ways twice.
He he stepped off of the sidewalk twice? No, he only looked both ways once.
You're supposed to look twice.
Everyone knows that.
Right, 'cause, you know, that's on the same level as breakin' both your legs? You know, it to each their own.
Candy? Yeah.
What's up with the Fanny pack? Oh, Mannix says they're comin' back in style, you know? I I genuinely don't know if she's, you know, tryin' to prank me or not, but, hey, this thing is practical.
I got everything in here! I got my phone, keys, tweezers, chapstick, paper clip already opened so I can Reset the router.
- Oh, man! - That's what I'm talkin' about! Anyways, give Leo a chance, man.
Give him a chance? - Yeah.
- Maybe I will.
Maybe I will What? Okay, wait.
Pre-shopping selfie.
- No.
- Come on! It was your first day of high school and now it's your first real bra bra.
These are milestones.
- Are they? - Yes! Now, pose! How are your angles always so good? Practice.
Okay, look.
I don't want this to take forever.
Can we please be in and out? You know, when I went to go get my first real bra, your Nana Ji dropped me off at the mall with 30 bucks and waited outside.
My dad didn't even make a big deal about it.
That sounds perfect.
Why can't we do that? You're joking, right? I already know your credit card pin.
What? Is this cinnamon or is it dust? I honestly can't tell.
Hey, Barb.
'For here' or 'to go'? It is a 'for here' day, Cathy, because I need some space from those dilettantes in my office.
I feel ya.
Was that a croissant? Yes, Professor.
You said that you gave Duncan the last croissant.
I always put one aside for Barb.
- She's a regular.
- I'm a regular! You're a semi-regular, at best.
Barb gets a croissant every day.
Okay, I see what's going on here.
What's going on here? - Interesting.
- What's interesting? Well, I suppose that I, lowly semi-regular customer, will be leaving with my semi-regular scone.
Cool.
Have fun at your lunch.
You know very well it's a dinner.
Well, I hope you're a regular.
Otherwise, brace yourself for disappointment.
You can't take my plate.
What's all this? Welcome to the streets, kid.
Anything can happen out here.
What does that mean? And why aren't we just out on the actual street? You're not ready for that! You gotta make it through the course first.
Then we take it to the streets.
You ready? Where's the school supposed to be? Three, two, one, street test.
Uh-oh.
It looks like there are two parked cars in the middle of your path.
What do you do, hot shot? Okay, you did the right thing.
You walked around the parked cars, but, as it turns out, that car was pulling out.
You're lucky she's a good driver.
Is that a hula hoop? Actually, it's a cyclist in a rush! And you almost got hit, because you were too busy texting.
- No, I wasn't.
- Well, there's another lesson.
Always have your phone out with the emergency number dialled and ready to press.
I don't have a phone.
You don't anymore, because, guess what.
You tripped and it flew into a prickle bush.
You're making this too hard.
Life is hard.
Come on, Leo! You didn't get to the hardest part yet.
Damn it! Leo! I need help! I've been captured by a street gang.
Oh! Damn parked cars! Avenge my death! Whoa, whoa, wait! I have some more for you to try on.
That seems like major overkill, Mom.
You gotta know your options, okay? You got a push-up bra when you wanna make a point.
Yep.
You got a multiway when you're feeling indecisive.
You got a strapless when it's more important to look good than to breathe.
You got a lacy when you're feelin' yourself and you don't care who sees your nipples.
My gosh, Mom! Can you please never say nipples again? Okay, you got padded, racerback, clip in the front.
Okay, well, I love hearing a mom give a good tour de bra! I'm Gloria.
You two need any help? I'm good, thanks.
These are these are fine.
- There's also the T-shirt bra! - Mom! It's really comfortable and it doesn't show your nipples.
Can I at least see them on? I mean, there are things to consider.
And, how 'bout you then? Oh, I'm fine.
Oh, that's what they all say.
No, really, I'm just here for my daughter.
You're just embarrassed because you're wearing the wrong bra size.
I get it.
No, that's not it.
Trust me.
I'm about to change your whole world.
Okay, um, Khia, are you sure you don't need any help Oh, my God! That tickles.
Hey, buddy! I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I think I might have done some not so great parenting back there.
You're just growin' up so fast.
First Khia, then you.
It just feels excessive.
But I got you a scooter! This isn't on you, Scoot Speedman.
Hey, how about some "I'm super sorry I'm such a helicopter dad swirl"? Bowl or cone? Bowl it is.
It's open! Hey, buddy! How you doin'? I kinda blew it with Leo.
Man, I wouldn't worry about it.
Everything worked out in the end, right? Well, he's not really talkin' to me.
But, it's nothing a little ice cream won't solve.
Aren't you gonna wait 'til he comes back? - What? - It's gonna melt! Leo's upstairs.
No, I just saw him walking outside five minutes ago.
- I said hi.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What did he say? He said he wasn't allowed to talk to randoms.
Which, you know, I thought was pretty hurtful, man.
He's using my words against me again! Leo! Leo, buddy! Leo! I love you so much! You can have a puppy! Just come back! Puppies don't fix problems, Andrew.
Wait, w-w-wait! Is that him? Oh! Leo! Nope.
Leo! Leooooo! It's her first real bra.
I just wanted to make sure the moment was special.
Most moms do.
Yeah, uh, I don't think I'm most moms.
Most moms don't.
But it's a classic mother-daughter rite of passage, right? How does my kid not care about this? Sounds like you care too much for the both of you.
- That's bad? - I don't know.
Just, maybe you make it more about what you need more than what she needs.
They call that "projecting.
" "They" might be onto something there.
I lost my mom when I was young, so I'm just trying to be there for her.
Well, you seem like a good mom for a D stuffed into a B cup.
- You think? - Trust me.
I've been at this a long time.
I've seen things.
You sure you don't wanna buy anything for yourself? You work on commission.
Don't you? Mm.
- Oh! - How'd those work out for you? Um, yeah, these ones are fine.
Yeah? Comfy? Not too pokey? Straps are good? - Mm-hm.
- Okay, well, we'll take them all, Gloria.
Of course.
Your daughter has exquisite taste.
Yeah, just pick your favourite.
Oh.
That one.
Okay.
I have that same one in red.
Leo! Leo! Forget the puppy! You can have a drone! - Just come back! - It's gonna be okay, man.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
Here, come.
Here, here, here, here, here.
Oh, my! What? Is that menthol? Oh, man! The mouthwash spilled in my fanny pack.
Why is there mouthwash in there? It's in case Shadee wants to smooch! Okay! - I can't see anything! - All right.
Leo? Hudson? I'm right here! I'm right here! Okay.
No, no.
I need to call Camille.
Call, call, call her.
Oh! Oh! - Oh! - My phone! Oh, it's in the tree! Okay, I'm gonna call Camille and then I'll call your phone.
Oh.
Okay.
Oh! Damn mouthwash is all over my phone! This fanny pack is a stylish disaster! Announcement.
Announcement.
Ramesh, what are you doing? People of Bubble Bae, if you find yourself desiring of a croissant, but have been deemed to be an irregular customer, like myself, please know that I have croissants for purchase.
Ramesh, you can't sell those here.
Oh, I can and I will.
I decided to support a new business, Dougie's grill, where I was treated with respect.
Do we have a problem here? We have more than a problem.
We have an injustice! All right, Erin Brockovich.
Just go to your dinner.
Apparently I'm not a regular at the university either.
Oh, I see what's going on.
You're mad the dorks didn't invite you to their dork dinner.
Cathy, I'll take it from here.
Shut up.
If you're gonna ticket me, then ticket me, Barb, but, I have no beef with you.
Oh, there's no ticket for whatever's happening here.
- Very fair of you.
- No.
So, um, I have also been left off of dinner lists before, also the blockbuster party, the Christmas party, so I get it.
But I like to think that it's because I'm too much fun.
At the risk of sounding rude, I'm not sure that's the case.
I was making a joke.
- Ah! - Yeah.
Not bad! - Not bad at all.
- Thank you, thank you.
Why do they make these so prickly? - Leo! - He'll be fine.
- He's a smart kid.
- He's a tween, Hudson.
That's the gateway to being a teen! - Leo! - What? Oh, my God! Leo! Oh! What happened?! Well, I walked to school to prove I could do it, but then I felt bad, so I walked home.
But you weren't there, so I walked back to school and found you talking to a tree.
This is a very personal moment, so I'm just Buddy, I was so worried.
I'm fine.
I'm not a kid anymore.
I know.
I gotta let you spread your wings and fly.
I'm not goin' anywhere.
I can't even drive yet.
Pham boys for life? So, can I walk to school by myself? No.
- But, you just said - You're grounded.
For a month.
You can't leave the house without telling anyone! Ba! Please.
After you're done being grounded, we'll give this whole walking to school alone thing a shot.
- Okay.
- You wanna walk home together? Good.
'Cause I need help.
Come here.
This is nice.
It'd be even nicer if we were on scooters.
Wait 'til you meet Travis Sscoot.
Oh.
All right.
I'll just still be here.
Wait.
I think I see the phone! So, I realize I made that all about me.
Yeah, you did.
My mom wasn't around for a lot of my big moments, like my first bra.
And I just wanted to make sure I didn't miss yours.
I'm sorry, Mom.
No, I'm sorry you hated it so much.
I'm glad we did it together.
- And I didn't hate it.
- Really? Yeah, plus I got a really over-priced bra out of it.
Yeah.
I just wanna be there for all your firsts.
Mom, there's gonna be a lot of firsts I tell you about.
Like your first kiss? And many I don't.
Mm.
I knew that was pushing it.
Yeah.
I mean, people are just too much work.
I know, but how hard is it to extend one simple e-mail invitation? Well, maybe they forgot, or maybe it got lost in your junk mail folder.
Oh.
How 'bout that? Not junk.
I also have an invitation to a lawn bowling event and a Jennifer Aniston fan club.
Oh, glad I could help.
I'm sorry you had to miss your dinner though.
Truthfully, I don't even like those events.
I find people are largely just a nuisance.
I agree.
But, perhaps there is someone that you should make an apology to? - I'm sorry.
- No, not me.
- Um - Oh, yes, good call.
I don't want any Cathy spit in my coffee.
No, not that she ever does that, but, uh, she's gone for the day.
I'll atone tomorrow.
Oh, well, that's great.
It takes guts to admit when you're wrong.
Was I really that wrong though? I love you, Scootie Pippen.
Anything happen today? What did Leo tell you? He's a liar.
He told me enough.
You know he's ready though, right? Yeah.
I put him through the ringer today, but, you're right.
He's ready and so am I.
The kids are growing up.
- Yeah, it's the worst.
- I kinda like it.
- Really? - Yeah.
Once I was Khia's age, I didn't have my mom anymore, but now I get to be there for her.
When she wants me to be.
Come here.
At least we'll always have each other.
Are you talkin' to me or the scooter? - Mm.
- Scooter.
How was your faculty snack yesterday? I guess I'll let that slide as I've come to apologize.
My actions may not have been guided by croissants as much as they were by my exclusion from the faculty dinner.
I literally told you that.
Yes, well, you were right.
I've had time to process.
- Happy? - Sure.
Does this mean what I think it means? Oh.
If everyone's a regular, the term has no meaning!