Sealab 2021 (2000) s01e05 Episode Script
Predator
1 If you're looking for me.
You better check under the sea.
Cause that is where you'll find me.
Underneath the Sealab.
Underneath the water.
Sealab at the bottom of the sea.
I've got a bad feeling about this.
You're doin' good.
.
just relax.
.
Almost.
.
got it.
.
Easy.
.
easy Don't cross the wires!! Augh! Would you shut up?? Sorry.
Be the wire.
.
Stupid ass rackin frackin Don't talk.
.
you're a wire.
.
Shhhh.
.
wires don't talk.
.
Hey! - Aagh! The time is 2:59.
We've only got one minute.
For God's sake, lives are hanging in the balance! Woo! Okay, Captain, you're all patched in.
Sweet! Three o'clock.
Just in time for "Chopper Dave!" Uhm, you know Captain, cable piracy is a crime.
Buh-buh-buh-buh! "Chopper Dave's" on! Attention intruder! You have breached CableCom security! I.
.
don't remember this episode.
Prepare for punishment - Looks cool.
in five, four, three, two - We must evacuate! Shh! Three.
.
two.
.
this show rocks! - One AAAAGH! HAAAAGH!! HAGH Stormy! Get a hold of yourself! UH.
.
huh.
.
huh.
.
huh.
.
Sealab was totally vaporized! Does "vaporized" mean nothing happened to it? What in the hell.
.
? And who the heck are those guys? That's us! We did that 15 minutes ago! Dude, check me out! I'm like a little otter.
A sexy little otter! Damn! That shockwave created a sub-space fracture! Take that, sub-space! Shut up.
- No The damage to sub-space has caused a temporal distortion.
We've gone back in time! Quick, what's your watch say? It is exactly three o'clock.
Damn.
I thought we'd been blown 15 minutes into the past.
Well, I always set my watch 15 minutes fast, so it's really 2:45.
Why do you do that? So I'm always 15 minutes early.
But if you know it's 15 minutes fast, what's the point? This is a Douché.
Never mind.
If they hook up the cable, Sealab will explode again, and sub-space is gonna My God! No! No, no, no, no, no, no.
This is Chopper Dave's made-for- tv-movie, "Blades of Vengeance".
See, he's a chopper pilot by day, but by night, he fights crime.
.
.
.
as a werewolf.
Ah.
.
uhh.
.
- Yeah! Stop! Stop! Call them back!! Hey! I thought I sent you two pogues out to get me free cable! You did.
We're still out there.
And you've got to call us back! Almost.
.
got it.
.
- Hm? Easy.
.
easy Don't cross the wires!! Augh! Would you shut up?? Sorry.
Be the wire.
.
Stupid ass rackin frackin Don't talk.
.
you're a wire.
.
Yes I knew this day would come.
- Shhhh.
.
wires don't talk.
.
So You're finally here, huh? Yes! From the future! What happened was - Nice try, doppelganger! What?? We're not doppelgangers! Save it for Queen Doppel-poppolis! Wait! If they hook up the cable, we're all gonna die! Sweet dreams, doppelgangers! I can't believe we're locked in here, while we're out there, about to kill us in here.
And who the hell is Queen Dopple-oppolis? Shut up.
- No.
Sealab explodes at exactly 3:00.
What time is it now? "Dopple-poppolis", you think that's Greek? What time is it? Greek chicks are so hot! I said, what time is it? - Dude, on my semester abroad, me and this guy Kent I played lacrosse with, we went to Crete one time, - Shut up.
- I was a winger.
Anyway, we're on Crete, - Shut.
.
up.
.
Stormy.
- and there's this little café.
.
Did I tell you this? No.
Anyway, the owner's daughter, oh, man, she had these perfect - AAAAGH! HAAAAGH!! HAGH - Stormy! Get a hold of yourself! UH.
.
huh.
.
huh.
.
huh.
.
- Sealab was totally vaporized! Does "vaporized" mean nothing happened to it? What in the hell.
.
? And who the heck are those guys? That's us! We did that 15 minutes ago! Dude, check me out! I'm like a little beaver.
A hot little beaver! Save it for Queen Doppel-poppolis! Wait! If they hook up the cable, we're all gonna die! Sweet dreams, doppelgangers! .
.
And that means there's a third set out there.
.
.
.
About to hook up the cable.
.
.
.
And fracture sub-space again! My - - My - God! - God! Can you feel it when I do this? No.
Can you feel it when I do this? No.
Can you feel it when I do this? No.
Can you feel it when I do this? No, can you feel it when I do this? No.
Can you feel it when I do this? No - Hey, idiots! What time is it? Exactly 3:14.
And change.
Wait, the explosion happens at three! Yeah, see, they set their watches 15 minutes fa - Save it for Queen Doppel-poppolis! Wait! If they hook up the cable, we're all gonna die! Sweet dreams, doppelgangers! We've gone back in time! Yes, already! Don't get all in my face! - Oh, you got a problem, Doctor? Hey Quinns, come on! Stormy Three snuck in a dodgeball! Shut up! - No.
What time is it? Dodgeball time! Dammit, Stormy! What time is it? I said it was dodgeball time, bitch.
Stormy, I am gonna count to three.
Better make that one.
So there's a fifth set out there? Yes, already! It's all in your orientation pamphlet.
Hey Quinns, check it out! We built a time machine! Stormy Two's gonna go back in time and, uh.
.
fix it all up, there.
.
You don't have the brain capacity to build a time machine.
You're right.
So I guess it's not so much a time machine.
.
as it is a dodgeball cannon! Say hello to my little friend! Ooh!! - Ooh!! Ooh!! - My eye!! What did you do to my eye?! It's beautiful, man! Beautiful! Wow! A dodgeball cannon! Let's fire it up! Naw, that thing's boring.
We're into this string, now.
I got next! - Dude, I got next! Okay.
That string we gave 'em, should buy us some time.
But we need a plan.
Wait! I'll just hang myself upside-down, to increase the blood flow to - Yah, to your brain.
Quinn One's been doing that for two hours.
Yeagh.
.
not working Somebody.
.
please cut me down.
.
please.
.
? Well, somebody better think of something.
The sub-space damage is increasing, exponentially.
And the more this happens, the more chance there is for chrono-distortion! I mean, look at Stormy and Quinn number 12! We're the nines.
They're the twelves.
No! We're the elevens.
The twelves are over there! Wo-ho-ho-ho, woo teh mah co nee tah, stor mee.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho.
.
Yeeheeheeheehee!! Dodgeball time! Dodgeball time! Eeeheehee! Heeheeheehee!! Heeheehee - aaaaaaaaaagh!!! For the love of God!! Would somebody please help me!! Please!! Hey, Stormys! Get over here! And bring your piñata bats! Over! On the way over, over! Your watch has a two-way radio?? Gasp! A talking piñata! Yeah, yeah.
Can I, uhh, can I see that for a second? Anything for you, magical fat-faced talking piñata.
Stupid ass rackin frackin Don't talk.
.
you're a wire.
.
Shhhh.
.
wires don't talk.
.
Mayday! Mayday! Quinn! It's me, Quinn! What in the - Listen to me! If you hook up the cable, sub-space will shatter.
.
resulting in massive chrono-distortion!! Ow!! Hey!! Stop that!! Ow!! My eye!! Why do you keep hitting my eye!! What's that all about? I don't know.
But quit bein' a bitch and come on! So Quinn called us on the two-way radio, and we got back here as fast as we could.
Mi madre, I can't believe it! It's a Douché.
It can do anything! And.
.
we're sure you're not doppelgangers? Yes! But think of the possibilities of multiple Quinns.
With our combined brainpower, we could cure diseases.
End world hunger! Why, we could even terra-form Mars, and do it right this time!! Huh? Yeah!! Nope.
I've.
.
got a.
.
better idea.
Attention! Attention! All Stormys and Quinns! Please report to the gymnasium.
You better check under the sea.
Cause that is where you'll find me.
Underneath the Sealab.
Underneath the water.
Sealab at the bottom of the sea.
I've got a bad feeling about this.
You're doin' good.
.
just relax.
.
Almost.
.
got it.
.
Easy.
.
easy Don't cross the wires!! Augh! Would you shut up?? Sorry.
Be the wire.
.
Stupid ass rackin frackin Don't talk.
.
you're a wire.
.
Shhhh.
.
wires don't talk.
.
Hey! - Aagh! The time is 2:59.
We've only got one minute.
For God's sake, lives are hanging in the balance! Woo! Okay, Captain, you're all patched in.
Sweet! Three o'clock.
Just in time for "Chopper Dave!" Uhm, you know Captain, cable piracy is a crime.
Buh-buh-buh-buh! "Chopper Dave's" on! Attention intruder! You have breached CableCom security! I.
.
don't remember this episode.
Prepare for punishment - Looks cool.
in five, four, three, two - We must evacuate! Shh! Three.
.
two.
.
this show rocks! - One AAAAGH! HAAAAGH!! HAGH Stormy! Get a hold of yourself! UH.
.
huh.
.
huh.
.
huh.
.
Sealab was totally vaporized! Does "vaporized" mean nothing happened to it? What in the hell.
.
? And who the heck are those guys? That's us! We did that 15 minutes ago! Dude, check me out! I'm like a little otter.
A sexy little otter! Damn! That shockwave created a sub-space fracture! Take that, sub-space! Shut up.
- No The damage to sub-space has caused a temporal distortion.
We've gone back in time! Quick, what's your watch say? It is exactly three o'clock.
Damn.
I thought we'd been blown 15 minutes into the past.
Well, I always set my watch 15 minutes fast, so it's really 2:45.
Why do you do that? So I'm always 15 minutes early.
But if you know it's 15 minutes fast, what's the point? This is a Douché.
Never mind.
If they hook up the cable, Sealab will explode again, and sub-space is gonna My God! No! No, no, no, no, no, no.
This is Chopper Dave's made-for- tv-movie, "Blades of Vengeance".
See, he's a chopper pilot by day, but by night, he fights crime.
.
.
.
as a werewolf.
Ah.
.
uhh.
.
- Yeah! Stop! Stop! Call them back!! Hey! I thought I sent you two pogues out to get me free cable! You did.
We're still out there.
And you've got to call us back! Almost.
.
got it.
.
- Hm? Easy.
.
easy Don't cross the wires!! Augh! Would you shut up?? Sorry.
Be the wire.
.
Stupid ass rackin frackin Don't talk.
.
you're a wire.
.
Yes I knew this day would come.
- Shhhh.
.
wires don't talk.
.
So You're finally here, huh? Yes! From the future! What happened was - Nice try, doppelganger! What?? We're not doppelgangers! Save it for Queen Doppel-poppolis! Wait! If they hook up the cable, we're all gonna die! Sweet dreams, doppelgangers! I can't believe we're locked in here, while we're out there, about to kill us in here.
And who the hell is Queen Dopple-oppolis? Shut up.
- No.
Sealab explodes at exactly 3:00.
What time is it now? "Dopple-poppolis", you think that's Greek? What time is it? Greek chicks are so hot! I said, what time is it? - Dude, on my semester abroad, me and this guy Kent I played lacrosse with, we went to Crete one time, - Shut up.
- I was a winger.
Anyway, we're on Crete, - Shut.
.
up.
.
Stormy.
- and there's this little café.
.
Did I tell you this? No.
Anyway, the owner's daughter, oh, man, she had these perfect - AAAAGH! HAAAAGH!! HAGH - Stormy! Get a hold of yourself! UH.
.
huh.
.
huh.
.
huh.
.
- Sealab was totally vaporized! Does "vaporized" mean nothing happened to it? What in the hell.
.
? And who the heck are those guys? That's us! We did that 15 minutes ago! Dude, check me out! I'm like a little beaver.
A hot little beaver! Save it for Queen Doppel-poppolis! Wait! If they hook up the cable, we're all gonna die! Sweet dreams, doppelgangers! .
.
And that means there's a third set out there.
.
.
.
About to hook up the cable.
.
.
.
And fracture sub-space again! My - - My - God! - God! Can you feel it when I do this? No.
Can you feel it when I do this? No.
Can you feel it when I do this? No.
Can you feel it when I do this? No, can you feel it when I do this? No.
Can you feel it when I do this? No - Hey, idiots! What time is it? Exactly 3:14.
And change.
Wait, the explosion happens at three! Yeah, see, they set their watches 15 minutes fa - Save it for Queen Doppel-poppolis! Wait! If they hook up the cable, we're all gonna die! Sweet dreams, doppelgangers! We've gone back in time! Yes, already! Don't get all in my face! - Oh, you got a problem, Doctor? Hey Quinns, come on! Stormy Three snuck in a dodgeball! Shut up! - No.
What time is it? Dodgeball time! Dammit, Stormy! What time is it? I said it was dodgeball time, bitch.
Stormy, I am gonna count to three.
Better make that one.
So there's a fifth set out there? Yes, already! It's all in your orientation pamphlet.
Hey Quinns, check it out! We built a time machine! Stormy Two's gonna go back in time and, uh.
.
fix it all up, there.
.
You don't have the brain capacity to build a time machine.
You're right.
So I guess it's not so much a time machine.
.
as it is a dodgeball cannon! Say hello to my little friend! Ooh!! - Ooh!! Ooh!! - My eye!! What did you do to my eye?! It's beautiful, man! Beautiful! Wow! A dodgeball cannon! Let's fire it up! Naw, that thing's boring.
We're into this string, now.
I got next! - Dude, I got next! Okay.
That string we gave 'em, should buy us some time.
But we need a plan.
Wait! I'll just hang myself upside-down, to increase the blood flow to - Yah, to your brain.
Quinn One's been doing that for two hours.
Yeagh.
.
not working Somebody.
.
please cut me down.
.
please.
.
? Well, somebody better think of something.
The sub-space damage is increasing, exponentially.
And the more this happens, the more chance there is for chrono-distortion! I mean, look at Stormy and Quinn number 12! We're the nines.
They're the twelves.
No! We're the elevens.
The twelves are over there! Wo-ho-ho-ho, woo teh mah co nee tah, stor mee.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho.
.
Yeeheeheeheehee!! Dodgeball time! Dodgeball time! Eeeheehee! Heeheeheehee!! Heeheehee - aaaaaaaaaagh!!! For the love of God!! Would somebody please help me!! Please!! Hey, Stormys! Get over here! And bring your piñata bats! Over! On the way over, over! Your watch has a two-way radio?? Gasp! A talking piñata! Yeah, yeah.
Can I, uhh, can I see that for a second? Anything for you, magical fat-faced talking piñata.
Stupid ass rackin frackin Don't talk.
.
you're a wire.
.
Shhhh.
.
wires don't talk.
.
Mayday! Mayday! Quinn! It's me, Quinn! What in the - Listen to me! If you hook up the cable, sub-space will shatter.
.
resulting in massive chrono-distortion!! Ow!! Hey!! Stop that!! Ow!! My eye!! Why do you keep hitting my eye!! What's that all about? I don't know.
But quit bein' a bitch and come on! So Quinn called us on the two-way radio, and we got back here as fast as we could.
Mi madre, I can't believe it! It's a Douché.
It can do anything! And.
.
we're sure you're not doppelgangers? Yes! But think of the possibilities of multiple Quinns.
With our combined brainpower, we could cure diseases.
End world hunger! Why, we could even terra-form Mars, and do it right this time!! Huh? Yeah!! Nope.
I've.
.
got a.
.
better idea.
Attention! Attention! All Stormys and Quinns! Please report to the gymnasium.