Sherri (2009) s01e05 Episode Script
There's No I In Church
la, la, la, la la, la, la, la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la [ Knock on door .]
Aah! Who is it? Celia: who you always call in the middle of the night.
Be more specific.
Celia: it's the idiot who always shows up When you call in the middle of the night.
Oh, celia.
I got your text.
You know you're not supposed to be watching scary movies When your 6-Year-Old's not here to comfort you.
Let me have it.
Sherri.
It was four good-Looking teenagers Trapped in an abandoned lake house.
What could go wrong? "The walls were bleeding.
" Sherri, the walls were bleeding.
Sherri, I can't keep coming over here at 1:00 in the morning.
The reverend has this funny idea i'm married to him.
Well, it wasn't just the movie.
I heard a noise.
Was it the heat going on again? Yes.
Sweetie, i know you don't like being alone.
But don't worry.
You're not.
Hey, do you want to sleep over? We could do what we used to do back in the day Order pizza and pretend Like it didn't get here in 30 minutes.
Again, married to the reverend.
[ Sighs .]
You know what? Why don't you go out and do more stand-Up? You love that.
I have been working on some new material.
Okay, well, let me hear it.
Okay.
It's just a cute relationship bit.
Hey, how y'all doing? So, my ex-Husband just cheated on me.
And i had a dream That i stepped on his neck with my high-Heeled shoe, And it went all the way through.
He's dead, people.
Who's with me? What are you doing? Ordering pizza.
Ooh, let me get my stopwatch.
Oh, my god, you guys.
Have you seen this new gym that just opened up next door? It's so fancy that they have people to work out for you.
It's the paradigm gym.
I would kill to get in there.
But it's so expensive.
Yeah.
I don't spend money to work out.
I just chase my 6-Year-Old around all day in high heels.
Ha! I could crack a walnut off these calves.
Yeah, my last health club was a stationary bike And a fat guy smoking outside my uncle's gym.
I think i was a guest there once.
Hey, that's not fair.
They have a two-For-One discount for married couples.
Hey, summer, that could be a way in.
The discounted rate also applies to same-Sex couples.
Widen the net, if you catch my drift.
I tried one rainy afternoon in college Didn't take.
Plus she stole my duck shoes.
Well, you never know it might be worth a second try For chilled water and heated toilet seats.
Okay, i think we all know where this is going.
Who wants to be a pretend married couple with me So we can get the half rate? I just got out of a long marriage.
I could be convinced, you know.
Celia, how about you? You know i would, i really would, But i don't want to.
Hello? You and me? I don't know.
I always envisioned myself In a pretend lesbian interracial couple.
Hey, let's go crazy.
[ Gasps .]
this is gonna be so much fun.
We can wear matching outfits.
I see your point.
A black girl would have been a lot cooler.
Yeah, that's why it was my first instinct.
Yeah.
I don't know why i'm looking for new comedy material.
Two great jokes just walked out the door.
Hey, you know what? I've been thinking.
You could really do me a favor.
I know you have your own church, But ours is just getting started, And we need everything hymnals, pews, heat.
Oh, sweetie, i'll write you a check.
But don't cash it until a week from this thursday.
No, no.
Um, i'm throwing a fundraiser.
And i would love for you to be the entertainment.
Oh, you're always talking about that blind guitarist.
Get him.
Oh, come on, sherri.
This is a big deal for me.
You know, i'm the new first lady of the church.
And, well, it's taken the congregation A whole lot of hallelujahs and amens to warm up to me.
Okay.
I'll do it.
Thank you.
Well, if my jokes don't work, I can always crack a walnut off these calves.
Yeah.
And that concludes your paradigm fitness orientation, ladies.
Thank you.
And that cucumber water really hit the spot.
Mm-Hmm.
We can't wait to check out the steam room.
You two are adorable.
Now, enjoy your memberships, and remember Working out five days a week might not make you happy, but Together: happy can't fit in a bikini! [ Laughter .]
What should we do firsthoney? I don't know, darling.
[ Chuckles .]
What a fun scam.
Too bad i'm not doing it with someone i actually care for.
I know, right? Ooh, this looks interesting.
"New to the paradigm, the cybex arc trainer" It's the only one in the gym.
It's like the single straight man of gym equipment.
I'm gonna get on.
Oh! What do we do now? Oh.
I guess we just wait.
[ Clears throat .]
[ Chuckles .]
Ugh.
They have apples.
Oh, yeah.
They're over there.
Yeah.
This is weird you and me? We don't really have anything to talk about.
I'm thinking maybe we got married too soon.
Yeah.
[ Indistinct conversations .]
[ Clears throat .]
We hope this evening of yours is a success, celia.
I was telling your husband out front Fellowship central down the street got a church bus.
We don't want to lose anybody.
'Cause they could pick us up.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, i wouldn't worry about that.
Okay, you need to be extremely funny.
I just got the hat.
Okay, calm down.
Everything's gonna be fine.
I got my best stuff.
I will nail this for you.
All right, well, just remember, it's church, So no divorce, no sex, no dating.
Remember? You never told me that.
That's my entire act.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming out.
Please welcome my best friend and a funny, funny christian, Sherri robinson.
[ Applause .]
Hi.
Hey.
How you doing tonight? [ Audience murmurs .]
[ Chuckles .]
you know what plate could never be too full? A collection plate.
You see what i did? We're trying to raise money, and we have to fill up the plate.
Can i get a "what, what" for the plate, plate? [ Clears throat .]
Does anybody know what's funny about a church? Seriously, that's a question i'm asking.
Does anybody know what's funny about a church? [ Chuckles .]
Oh, hey, lookit there, my own resurrection.
[ Light laughter .]
Oh, i told my mother i wanted to be born again.
And she said, "the heck you are.
It hurt too much the first time.
" [ Laughter .]
Oh, and let's give it up For these lovely hats you ladies are wearing.
If the five of you stood together, You could have covered parking.
[ Laughter .]
Oh, and your dear, beloved first lady And my good friend, celia She bought a beautiful hat.
Celia doesn't store hers in a hatbox.
She keeps it down in a warehouse down by the river.
[ Laughter .]
Good night, everybody.
Yes.
Good night.
Ah! Yay! Sherri, you were great.
They loved you.
Oh, girl, what's not to love? Sherri robinson's funny is back, packed, and ready to attack.
Thank you, sherri.
I really scored some first-Lady points tonight.
Look at them.
Look, look.
Here they come.
I hate the gushing.
Oh, you were so good, sweetheart.
Oh! I enjoyed you.
You wrote all that by yourself? I did.
You were good.
Yes.
[ Indistinct conversation .]
Ugh, i am so tired of waiting for this woman Every time we come here.
She totally ignores the 20-Minute time limit.
I'm getting in there.
Angie.
Angie, no.
No, don't call attention to us.
Just just be patient.
You're right.
So, what do we do, just stand here and stare at each other, speechless? [ Chuckles .]
it's my prom all over again.
[ Gasps .]
at least you got to go to yours.
I couldn't get in mine because my date was 30.
Well, you think that's embarrassing? So i wore glasses until college.
Corrective shoes until last year.
[ Gasps .]
Can i tell you a secret? That wasn't it? No.
I actually needed glasses in high school, But between being president of the trekkies And my obsession with the band menudo, I didn't want to be the weird girl, So i never got them.
Glasses were the things you were worried about? [ Laughs .]
now you tell me a secret.
Well, i've never really admitted this to anyone, But my sisters with their husbands and their babies And their humdrum lives i sometimes wish i had that.
Mm-Hmm.
Plus, also I know where jimmy rinaldi is buried.
Oh.
I'm kidding! Nobody knows where jimmy rinaldi is buried.
You know, put aside your loose morals And your clownish fashion sense, And you're really fun to hang out with.
I'm telling you i killed them, I brought them back, and then i killed them again.
If the church had aisles, they'd be rolling in them.
Well, i'm glad it went well.
Unh-Unh.
"Went well" is an understatement.
I got that from you earlier.
Oh, hey, celia, tell angie about my standing ovation.
A lady in a wheelchair even stood up.
That's right.
I was a hit, and i healed the sick.
Well, to be honest, Old lady lewis has some pretty severe nerve damage.
Those spasms knock her off the chair about every 10 minutes.
But she laughed through a spasm.
You know, for anybody To laugh through excruciating pain mm.
I wish i could.
And they're bringing me back For a command performance on sunday.
That's their biggest day.
Excuse me? As a special guest They want to honor me for all the money i raised.
I thought it was your idea.
Believe me, it was not my idea.
Oh, you know what just take credit for it, Because their bringing me back is genius! [ Laughs .]
It's my second coming.
Ooh, second coming write that down.
That's good.
I'll i'll be right back.
I just need to send up a quick prayer For patience and strength.
[ Indistinct conversations .]
Well, what are you guys doing here? Sherri made me come, And the little missus tagged along.
Are you two still doing that? Truth be told, we're looking into the tax implications.
Well, hello, mrs.
Merritt.
Is that a new purse? No, no, no, it's old.
Well, we got our first pew.
The reverend is on his way back with it right now.
Talk about a miracle that thing fit in our hatchback.
When is sherri getting here? Oh, well, she should be here any sec Your church sure loves sherri.
Well, what's not to love? [ Audience murmuring .]
Well? Does it say "i'm here, i'm holy, and praise the lord"? Hey, what was that? Did you just give me the hat? Did she just give me the hat? I think she gave you the hat.
Celia.
Celia, what's with the hat-Titude? [ Gasps .]
[ Audience murmuring .]
Oh, i can give hat, too.
What? [ Gasps .]
I wish i had a hat.
Good morning.
Morning.
Hi.
I'd like to take this opportunity To thank everyone who helped Make our fundraiser such a success.
And we're gonna bring on our special guest, sherri robinson.
[ Cheers and applause .]
But first but first, I'd just like to give sherri my own personal thanks.
Sherri, this is for you.
them that's got shall get them that's not shall lose so the bible says and it still is news mama may have Yes, lord, yes, lord.
and papa may have but god bless the child who's got his own who's got his own mama may have and papa may have but god bless the child who's got his own who's got his o-O-Own [ Cheers and applause .]
Oh, so sweet.
[ Chuckles .]
And now sherri robinson.
Follow that.
Woman: encore! [ Indistinct shouting .]
Yeah, sing! Oh.
Oh, no, i couldn't.
amazing grace [ Audience cheering .]
[ Gasps .]
oh, not again.
Summer, i have kept my mouth shut, but i can't anymore.
Okay, i'll take care of this, baby.
Excuse me, miss.
Your time is up.
You need to get off now.
I beg your pardon.
Oh, no begging required Just get your well-Toned fanny off the machine.
Shouldn't you be gathering sweaty towels? [ Gasps .]
Nobody talks to my woman that way.
Your woman? Please.
What's that supposed to mean? Do you have a problem with ladies who exercise together? No, i have a problem with ladies scamming together.
[ Gasps .]
is there a problem here? There certainly is.
We did not purchase our gym membership To watch this woman hog the best machine in the place.
If you're over the time limit, You're in violation of gym policy.
Really? Well, what's the gym policy for paying a couple's rate When you're not even a couple? We are a couple.
Angie galardi Ghilardi.
is my lady, okay? My life partner.
My wife.
Yeah, and she is all of those words to me.
Right, well, the next time you want to pull a scam on a gym, Don't use your outside voices While you're waiting for the machine.
If this is true, I'm gonna have to ask for you to return your key card.
You cannot take my key card.
I just made a little pouch for it.
I know how we can settle this.
Quick, her birthday when is it? My lady love was born january 7th.
Yeah, at noon.
Mm-Hmm, in a cab in the parking lot of a liquor store.
We were picking up my dad.
Her allergies? This is so crazy.
They could be making this up.
If you really want to know if they're a couple Prove it.
Oh, so what? So we kissed to save our gym membership.
Who cares? Big deal.
If i felt bad every time i had to kiss someone To save a gym membership I don't care about that.
I mean, that was just physical.
There was no emotional connection.
[ Chuckles .]
was there? No.
Of course not.
I'm worried because i am your supervisor, And that does not fly at pp&w, okay? So this is no more.
From now on, it is business as usual.
Aw, but we could still work out together, right? Yes, we'll just tell people that we split up.
Was it my fault or your fault? Oh, it doesn't matter.
Yours.
Not for nothing, But it's been really fun getting to know you.
[ Imitating .]
not for nothing.
You you say it like it's one word.
Not for nothing.
Not for nothing.
Not for nothing? Not for nothing.
Not for nothing.
Come under it i'll come under it.
Not for nothing.
Quick, just speed through it? Yeah.
Not for nothing.
Close.
[ Knock on door .]
Sherri: who is it? Just open the door.
I got your text.
Something scared you? Yes.
Watching one of those movies Where someone has to claw the key Out of his friend's stomach? No.
I know it's not the carbon-Monoxide detector Because i changed the batteries last month.
So i give up.
What do you want? We need to talk.
Now? My husband already thinks i have a paper route.
What did i do to make you so mad at me? Mad? Who said i was mad? Then how do you explain that display today? What? I just sang a song, sherri.
You took more encores than beyoncé.
Celia, i'm your best friend.
You can be anything you want with me, Including mad.
Sherri, getting mad is pointless and unnecessary, And it's not me.
All right, then.
I guess i'll see you at church next week.
Sherri robinson.
I come running when you watch One of those stupid scary movies.
I change your light bulbs because you're too short.
I give you love.
I give you support.
I give you half my bagel every morning.
But the one thing i will not give you is my church.
It is my space.
It belongs to me! Whew.
Hey, it feels good to get mad.
Do you have any ice cream? Do i have any ice cream? I threw out all my frozen vegetables to make room for it.
Celia, i'm sorry.
I got caught up in all the attention.
I may have gotten a little drunk on it.
Sloppy drunk.
I know.
I lost control.
And the last person i'd ever want to hurt is you.
You been with me through everything Kevin, everything.
And if i haven't said thank you recently You haven't.
thank you.
Oh, and Oh, no.
No, that's yours.
I want you to have it.
The reason why i called you over here tonight, The thing i was so scared about? Mm-Hmm.
I was scared you wouldn't come.
Oh, sherri, you don't have to be scared about that.
No matter what, i will always come.
You look gorgeous.
Thank you.
You still want that ice cream? Oh, yeah.
[ Chuckles .]
Ohh.
Ohh.
Aah! Who is it? Celia: who you always call in the middle of the night.
Be more specific.
Celia: it's the idiot who always shows up When you call in the middle of the night.
Oh, celia.
I got your text.
You know you're not supposed to be watching scary movies When your 6-Year-Old's not here to comfort you.
Let me have it.
Sherri.
It was four good-Looking teenagers Trapped in an abandoned lake house.
What could go wrong? "The walls were bleeding.
" Sherri, the walls were bleeding.
Sherri, I can't keep coming over here at 1:00 in the morning.
The reverend has this funny idea i'm married to him.
Well, it wasn't just the movie.
I heard a noise.
Was it the heat going on again? Yes.
Sweetie, i know you don't like being alone.
But don't worry.
You're not.
Hey, do you want to sleep over? We could do what we used to do back in the day Order pizza and pretend Like it didn't get here in 30 minutes.
Again, married to the reverend.
[ Sighs .]
You know what? Why don't you go out and do more stand-Up? You love that.
I have been working on some new material.
Okay, well, let me hear it.
Okay.
It's just a cute relationship bit.
Hey, how y'all doing? So, my ex-Husband just cheated on me.
And i had a dream That i stepped on his neck with my high-Heeled shoe, And it went all the way through.
He's dead, people.
Who's with me? What are you doing? Ordering pizza.
Ooh, let me get my stopwatch.
Oh, my god, you guys.
Have you seen this new gym that just opened up next door? It's so fancy that they have people to work out for you.
It's the paradigm gym.
I would kill to get in there.
But it's so expensive.
Yeah.
I don't spend money to work out.
I just chase my 6-Year-Old around all day in high heels.
Ha! I could crack a walnut off these calves.
Yeah, my last health club was a stationary bike And a fat guy smoking outside my uncle's gym.
I think i was a guest there once.
Hey, that's not fair.
They have a two-For-One discount for married couples.
Hey, summer, that could be a way in.
The discounted rate also applies to same-Sex couples.
Widen the net, if you catch my drift.
I tried one rainy afternoon in college Didn't take.
Plus she stole my duck shoes.
Well, you never know it might be worth a second try For chilled water and heated toilet seats.
Okay, i think we all know where this is going.
Who wants to be a pretend married couple with me So we can get the half rate? I just got out of a long marriage.
I could be convinced, you know.
Celia, how about you? You know i would, i really would, But i don't want to.
Hello? You and me? I don't know.
I always envisioned myself In a pretend lesbian interracial couple.
Hey, let's go crazy.
[ Gasps .]
this is gonna be so much fun.
We can wear matching outfits.
I see your point.
A black girl would have been a lot cooler.
Yeah, that's why it was my first instinct.
Yeah.
I don't know why i'm looking for new comedy material.
Two great jokes just walked out the door.
Hey, you know what? I've been thinking.
You could really do me a favor.
I know you have your own church, But ours is just getting started, And we need everything hymnals, pews, heat.
Oh, sweetie, i'll write you a check.
But don't cash it until a week from this thursday.
No, no.
Um, i'm throwing a fundraiser.
And i would love for you to be the entertainment.
Oh, you're always talking about that blind guitarist.
Get him.
Oh, come on, sherri.
This is a big deal for me.
You know, i'm the new first lady of the church.
And, well, it's taken the congregation A whole lot of hallelujahs and amens to warm up to me.
Okay.
I'll do it.
Thank you.
Well, if my jokes don't work, I can always crack a walnut off these calves.
Yeah.
And that concludes your paradigm fitness orientation, ladies.
Thank you.
And that cucumber water really hit the spot.
Mm-Hmm.
We can't wait to check out the steam room.
You two are adorable.
Now, enjoy your memberships, and remember Working out five days a week might not make you happy, but Together: happy can't fit in a bikini! [ Laughter .]
What should we do firsthoney? I don't know, darling.
[ Chuckles .]
What a fun scam.
Too bad i'm not doing it with someone i actually care for.
I know, right? Ooh, this looks interesting.
"New to the paradigm, the cybex arc trainer" It's the only one in the gym.
It's like the single straight man of gym equipment.
I'm gonna get on.
Oh! What do we do now? Oh.
I guess we just wait.
[ Clears throat .]
[ Chuckles .]
Ugh.
They have apples.
Oh, yeah.
They're over there.
Yeah.
This is weird you and me? We don't really have anything to talk about.
I'm thinking maybe we got married too soon.
Yeah.
[ Indistinct conversations .]
[ Clears throat .]
We hope this evening of yours is a success, celia.
I was telling your husband out front Fellowship central down the street got a church bus.
We don't want to lose anybody.
'Cause they could pick us up.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, i wouldn't worry about that.
Okay, you need to be extremely funny.
I just got the hat.
Okay, calm down.
Everything's gonna be fine.
I got my best stuff.
I will nail this for you.
All right, well, just remember, it's church, So no divorce, no sex, no dating.
Remember? You never told me that.
That's my entire act.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming out.
Please welcome my best friend and a funny, funny christian, Sherri robinson.
[ Applause .]
Hi.
Hey.
How you doing tonight? [ Audience murmurs .]
[ Chuckles .]
you know what plate could never be too full? A collection plate.
You see what i did? We're trying to raise money, and we have to fill up the plate.
Can i get a "what, what" for the plate, plate? [ Clears throat .]
Does anybody know what's funny about a church? Seriously, that's a question i'm asking.
Does anybody know what's funny about a church? [ Chuckles .]
Oh, hey, lookit there, my own resurrection.
[ Light laughter .]
Oh, i told my mother i wanted to be born again.
And she said, "the heck you are.
It hurt too much the first time.
" [ Laughter .]
Oh, and let's give it up For these lovely hats you ladies are wearing.
If the five of you stood together, You could have covered parking.
[ Laughter .]
Oh, and your dear, beloved first lady And my good friend, celia She bought a beautiful hat.
Celia doesn't store hers in a hatbox.
She keeps it down in a warehouse down by the river.
[ Laughter .]
Good night, everybody.
Yes.
Good night.
Ah! Yay! Sherri, you were great.
They loved you.
Oh, girl, what's not to love? Sherri robinson's funny is back, packed, and ready to attack.
Thank you, sherri.
I really scored some first-Lady points tonight.
Look at them.
Look, look.
Here they come.
I hate the gushing.
Oh, you were so good, sweetheart.
Oh! I enjoyed you.
You wrote all that by yourself? I did.
You were good.
Yes.
[ Indistinct conversation .]
Ugh, i am so tired of waiting for this woman Every time we come here.
She totally ignores the 20-Minute time limit.
I'm getting in there.
Angie.
Angie, no.
No, don't call attention to us.
Just just be patient.
You're right.
So, what do we do, just stand here and stare at each other, speechless? [ Chuckles .]
it's my prom all over again.
[ Gasps .]
at least you got to go to yours.
I couldn't get in mine because my date was 30.
Well, you think that's embarrassing? So i wore glasses until college.
Corrective shoes until last year.
[ Gasps .]
Can i tell you a secret? That wasn't it? No.
I actually needed glasses in high school, But between being president of the trekkies And my obsession with the band menudo, I didn't want to be the weird girl, So i never got them.
Glasses were the things you were worried about? [ Laughs .]
now you tell me a secret.
Well, i've never really admitted this to anyone, But my sisters with their husbands and their babies And their humdrum lives i sometimes wish i had that.
Mm-Hmm.
Plus, also I know where jimmy rinaldi is buried.
Oh.
I'm kidding! Nobody knows where jimmy rinaldi is buried.
You know, put aside your loose morals And your clownish fashion sense, And you're really fun to hang out with.
I'm telling you i killed them, I brought them back, and then i killed them again.
If the church had aisles, they'd be rolling in them.
Well, i'm glad it went well.
Unh-Unh.
"Went well" is an understatement.
I got that from you earlier.
Oh, hey, celia, tell angie about my standing ovation.
A lady in a wheelchair even stood up.
That's right.
I was a hit, and i healed the sick.
Well, to be honest, Old lady lewis has some pretty severe nerve damage.
Those spasms knock her off the chair about every 10 minutes.
But she laughed through a spasm.
You know, for anybody To laugh through excruciating pain mm.
I wish i could.
And they're bringing me back For a command performance on sunday.
That's their biggest day.
Excuse me? As a special guest They want to honor me for all the money i raised.
I thought it was your idea.
Believe me, it was not my idea.
Oh, you know what just take credit for it, Because their bringing me back is genius! [ Laughs .]
It's my second coming.
Ooh, second coming write that down.
That's good.
I'll i'll be right back.
I just need to send up a quick prayer For patience and strength.
[ Indistinct conversations .]
Well, what are you guys doing here? Sherri made me come, And the little missus tagged along.
Are you two still doing that? Truth be told, we're looking into the tax implications.
Well, hello, mrs.
Merritt.
Is that a new purse? No, no, no, it's old.
Well, we got our first pew.
The reverend is on his way back with it right now.
Talk about a miracle that thing fit in our hatchback.
When is sherri getting here? Oh, well, she should be here any sec Your church sure loves sherri.
Well, what's not to love? [ Audience murmuring .]
Well? Does it say "i'm here, i'm holy, and praise the lord"? Hey, what was that? Did you just give me the hat? Did she just give me the hat? I think she gave you the hat.
Celia.
Celia, what's with the hat-Titude? [ Gasps .]
[ Audience murmuring .]
Oh, i can give hat, too.
What? [ Gasps .]
I wish i had a hat.
Good morning.
Morning.
Hi.
I'd like to take this opportunity To thank everyone who helped Make our fundraiser such a success.
And we're gonna bring on our special guest, sherri robinson.
[ Cheers and applause .]
But first but first, I'd just like to give sherri my own personal thanks.
Sherri, this is for you.
them that's got shall get them that's not shall lose so the bible says and it still is news mama may have Yes, lord, yes, lord.
and papa may have but god bless the child who's got his own who's got his own mama may have and papa may have but god bless the child who's got his own who's got his o-O-Own [ Cheers and applause .]
Oh, so sweet.
[ Chuckles .]
And now sherri robinson.
Follow that.
Woman: encore! [ Indistinct shouting .]
Yeah, sing! Oh.
Oh, no, i couldn't.
amazing grace [ Audience cheering .]
[ Gasps .]
oh, not again.
Summer, i have kept my mouth shut, but i can't anymore.
Okay, i'll take care of this, baby.
Excuse me, miss.
Your time is up.
You need to get off now.
I beg your pardon.
Oh, no begging required Just get your well-Toned fanny off the machine.
Shouldn't you be gathering sweaty towels? [ Gasps .]
Nobody talks to my woman that way.
Your woman? Please.
What's that supposed to mean? Do you have a problem with ladies who exercise together? No, i have a problem with ladies scamming together.
[ Gasps .]
is there a problem here? There certainly is.
We did not purchase our gym membership To watch this woman hog the best machine in the place.
If you're over the time limit, You're in violation of gym policy.
Really? Well, what's the gym policy for paying a couple's rate When you're not even a couple? We are a couple.
Angie galardi Ghilardi.
is my lady, okay? My life partner.
My wife.
Yeah, and she is all of those words to me.
Right, well, the next time you want to pull a scam on a gym, Don't use your outside voices While you're waiting for the machine.
If this is true, I'm gonna have to ask for you to return your key card.
You cannot take my key card.
I just made a little pouch for it.
I know how we can settle this.
Quick, her birthday when is it? My lady love was born january 7th.
Yeah, at noon.
Mm-Hmm, in a cab in the parking lot of a liquor store.
We were picking up my dad.
Her allergies? This is so crazy.
They could be making this up.
If you really want to know if they're a couple Prove it.
Oh, so what? So we kissed to save our gym membership.
Who cares? Big deal.
If i felt bad every time i had to kiss someone To save a gym membership I don't care about that.
I mean, that was just physical.
There was no emotional connection.
[ Chuckles .]
was there? No.
Of course not.
I'm worried because i am your supervisor, And that does not fly at pp&w, okay? So this is no more.
From now on, it is business as usual.
Aw, but we could still work out together, right? Yes, we'll just tell people that we split up.
Was it my fault or your fault? Oh, it doesn't matter.
Yours.
Not for nothing, But it's been really fun getting to know you.
[ Imitating .]
not for nothing.
You you say it like it's one word.
Not for nothing.
Not for nothing.
Not for nothing? Not for nothing.
Not for nothing.
Come under it i'll come under it.
Not for nothing.
Quick, just speed through it? Yeah.
Not for nothing.
Close.
[ Knock on door .]
Sherri: who is it? Just open the door.
I got your text.
Something scared you? Yes.
Watching one of those movies Where someone has to claw the key Out of his friend's stomach? No.
I know it's not the carbon-Monoxide detector Because i changed the batteries last month.
So i give up.
What do you want? We need to talk.
Now? My husband already thinks i have a paper route.
What did i do to make you so mad at me? Mad? Who said i was mad? Then how do you explain that display today? What? I just sang a song, sherri.
You took more encores than beyoncé.
Celia, i'm your best friend.
You can be anything you want with me, Including mad.
Sherri, getting mad is pointless and unnecessary, And it's not me.
All right, then.
I guess i'll see you at church next week.
Sherri robinson.
I come running when you watch One of those stupid scary movies.
I change your light bulbs because you're too short.
I give you love.
I give you support.
I give you half my bagel every morning.
But the one thing i will not give you is my church.
It is my space.
It belongs to me! Whew.
Hey, it feels good to get mad.
Do you have any ice cream? Do i have any ice cream? I threw out all my frozen vegetables to make room for it.
Celia, i'm sorry.
I got caught up in all the attention.
I may have gotten a little drunk on it.
Sloppy drunk.
I know.
I lost control.
And the last person i'd ever want to hurt is you.
You been with me through everything Kevin, everything.
And if i haven't said thank you recently You haven't.
thank you.
Oh, and Oh, no.
No, that's yours.
I want you to have it.
The reason why i called you over here tonight, The thing i was so scared about? Mm-Hmm.
I was scared you wouldn't come.
Oh, sherri, you don't have to be scared about that.
No matter what, i will always come.
You look gorgeous.
Thank you.
You still want that ice cream? Oh, yeah.
[ Chuckles .]
Ohh.
Ohh.