Shrill (2019) s01e05 Episode Script
Article
1 RADIO: This power is something, but the force is blind Transmitted through a network of your own kind As minutes tick away and days become years [SINGING ALONG.]
I know this old feeling It's a substance in my tears And the kids on the street And the kids everywhere All I gotta say is the kids, is the kids don't care - [MUSIC CONTINUES.]
- [PHONE CHIMES.]
- [HORN HONKS.]
- What the fuck?! - [HONKING CONTINUES.]
- MAN: Come on! Shut the fuck up! God damn it.
And the kids everywhere [TIRES SQUEAL, HORNS HONK.]
And all I gotta say is the kids don't care [SONG ENDS.]
[PHONE BUZZING.]
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
[LAUGHS.]
[BUZZES, CHIMES.]
- Holy hell.
[LAUGHS.]
- [PHONE BUZZING.]
Hi, Mom.
Hi, honey.
How's your day going? Good, really.
Actually, so, so good.
Um, I-I wrote another article, and-and people really like it.
Like, it's a little bit of a "thing" now.
Like, literally, 19,000 people clicked on it.
Oh! Annie wrote a new article.
People are into it.
19,000 people clicked her.
- All right, Annie! - [BOTH LAUGH.]
ANNIE: Well, they didn't click me, but Yeah.
Er Nin Yeah.
Yes.
VERA: Listen, we have some news too.
Um, Dr.
Walsh called, and Dad's numbers are down, so cautiously optimistic, right now the treatment's working.
God, that's That's so, so great! God! Oh, I'm so happy I could cry! Um, that's awesome.
Well, you tell Dad, "Way to kick cancer's ass.
" Annie says, "Way to kick cancer's ass.
" Yeah, fuck you, cancer! You fuckin' piece-of-shit motherfucker! VERA: Yeah, fuck cancer! BILL: Fuck cancer right up the fuckin' ass! OK.
OK, cool.
Well, um, I'll talk to you guys later, OK? Um, that's the best news.
- Um, OK, bye! - VERA: Bye, sweetie! FRAN: Oh, my God! This is so much good news all at once! - [LAUGHS.]
- ANNIE: I know! I am so happy.
Man, what are you doing dressed so early in the morning? I have that music video thing, remember? I'm doing hair for a magazine shoot.
For that band Maple and the Pearls.
Yes, Maple and the Pearls.
We know that band, we love that band, and we remember that you're doing that.
This is huge, right? Like, you not just doing hair in our living room? - [PHONE CHIMES.]
- FRAN: Yeah.
They said it's like an audition for a full-time stylist job.
Hello, you just asked me a question? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- [ANNIE TEXTING.]
- Do you know I'm a magic genie? - Yeah.
Gabe just texted me, and it's all caps, "You should come in early," which feels like he's yelling at me, right? - ANNIE: Oh, shit! - FRAN: Fuck! I'm gonna be so late.
ANNIE: No, it's OK, dude.
I'm gonna help you.
- Oh, shit.
- What? My shroom pills.
Bonkers! No! ANNIE: [GASPS.]
Bonkers, no! He's eating them! No! No! How many do you think he ate? - [BONKERS BARKING.]
- Three? - Are you sure? - No.
Oh, well, should we call the police? Do you want to get me deported?! - No, no.
Should we call my dad? - We should call a vet.
- Yeah.
Yes.
Call a vet.
Call a vet.
- [BONKERS WHIMPERS.]
ANNIE: He's out of his mind.
His eyes look insane.
I guess his eyes always look insane.
Bonkers, please! Oh, buddy.
OK.
You gotta get the poison out, right? You gotta do a little barf.
Little There you go.
- That's good.
- FRAN: OK, thank you.
- Thanks.
- [ANNIE PRETENDS TO GAG.]
- Now you do that.
- OK, good news.
The vet said that he should be fine.
We just need to keep an eye on him all day to make sure that he doesn't have a seizure.
Oh, my fuckin' God.
A seizure?! Yeah.
Well, I can't stick around because I'm already running late.
Yeah, well, I already told Gabe that I'd go in early.
- Yeah, I know.
You already told me.
- Yeah.
OK, well, don't yell at me, it's not my fault.
It's your shrooms.
- Oh, this is my fault? - No.
Just just go.
Just go.
I'll deal with it.
Great.
Bye, Bonkers.
[FOOTSTEPS RECEDE.]
[SIGHS.]
Fuck.
Oh, buddy.
[LIGHT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING.]
All right.
[PHONE CHIMES.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Thank you for coming.
Um, I know we left things in a weird place.
- I just didn't know who else to call.
- I wanna talk about that, and we definitely should, but right now my priority is Bonkers.
ANNIE: Um, I guess he's just kind of resting, - which I think is good? - Oh, shit.
He's in couch lock.
Hey, buddy.
It's an advanced state in the trip where the couch becomes an island the only safe place.
- Um, I have to go, so - RYAN: Yeah.
Just please text me updates, and I'll be back as soon as I can.
OK.
Bye, baby.
I love you.
[KISS.]
OK.
Get your yogurt outta the fridge or I'm gonna kill myself.
[CHATTER, PHONE RINGING.]
- Run.
- ANNIE: What? Just trust me, get the fuck out of here.
ANNIE: Oh, uh this is kinda fun, you at my desk for a change.
[CHUCKLES.]
What do you think you're doing? In regards to ? I'm really curious about what you actually think you're doing.
Because it seems like you think this is your paper.
Right? And that you're pretty much publishing anything that you happen to be feeling that day.
OK, well, it's it's not just my feelings, though, right? I mean, clearly a lot of other people thought that my article was something they could connect with.
A lot of other people think that mermaids are real we don't print that.
I don't really get what you're upset about.
Is it because I posted without permission, or is it because I wrote about something that I actually care about? I don't know.
Both? Maybe it's 'cause you quoted me as your own personal villain? Maybe it's because I suddenly turned out to be The Man that you had to suddenly take down? OK, but you're the one who's always saying that we should hold the establishment accountable.
Do I look like the establishment? I'm wearing fucking nail polish! The establishment is lazy, entitled slobs suckin' on their Cheeto fingers while the world burns! OK, but when you say lazy slobs, that feels like coded language to talk about fat people, - and it doesn't make me feel great.
- GABE: You-you're right.
- ANNIE: It's not that hard to decode.
- GABE: I'm talking about you, because everyone's attacking you, right? Is that pretty much - how the world is right now? - No, I'm just saying - There's you and then the world? - Hey, you two.
Just wanted to come remind you that, you know, you both love each other very much, - so let's be cool.
- That's right, Amadi, just defend your little work wife.
Annie, you've lost all posting privileges, and you've lost all assignments until I can be sure that you understand that I employ you.
Just gotta get the ratio right.
There's nothing worse than doing shrooms alone, and I am not gonna do that to you, Bonkers.
Yeah, you're a good weight for a boy your size.
Small, but dense like a gymnast.
Let's see, so Yeah.
That's gonna have to be two stems Two caps.
Now we're in this together.
ANNIE: Oh, God, just please don't look at me like I just peed my pants in front of the whole school.
You know, I peed my pants in the fifth grade once.
Could do it right now.
It'll distract the office.
No, that's OK.
Thanks for the offer, though.
You're welcome.
- Hey, I got some good news, though.
- Yeah? Yeah.
Your story's still up.
That's that's good, right? Yeah, it's great.
I mean, Gabe looks like a bad guy in it, but if he takes it down, it makes him a bad journalist.
Great.
- That's a real win for me.
[LAUGHS.]
- Yeah.
Hey, you know what? We should blow off some steam tonight.
There is this tiny horse dressage competition - Like, mini-horses? - Yeah.
I mean, that's all the stuff I like.
Small horses that are doing choreographed dances? - That's [KISS.]
to me.
- That's why I suggested it.
- Wow.
- So you wanna go? Um, obviously.
That's the only thing I wanna do.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [COMPUTER CHIMES.]
Oh, my God.
My troll is back.
Oh.
"I bet your dad got cancer on purpose just so that he could die and finally get away from his fat pig daughter.
" God, how does he even know that my dad is sick? Honestly, fuck this dude.
We should track him down.
Yeah, like, no one would say this shit to my face.
Like we have to track this motherfucker down and slice him open.
- You ready to go to the Dark Web? - ANNIE: Yeah.
Fuck this fuckin' piece of shit.
I'm gonna kill him.
Be cool, Angus.
You're not listening to this, right, bud? - I didn't hear shit.
- What? - ANGUS: I didn't hear shit.
- That's what I thought.
Now shut the fuck up and look at your computer.
- AMADI: Mm-hmm.
- I'm different.
I mean It's like I'm looking in the mirror.
Give me a signal you're OK, buddy.
Nice.
Just trying to get the shading.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
God, you're beautiful.
O-M-G.
We're connecting so hard right now.
I think that looks like you, right? I wish I could take my pills in cheese.
I guess I can.
Ahhh Remember, we're in a womb.
Or a butt, or wherever you guys come out of.
Ha ha ha.
[BARKS.]
Light is a guide Keep it together.
Ahhh [CHANTING AFFECTIONATELY.]
- [BONKERS BARKING.]
- Yeah, man.
Whoo! Oww! [INDISTINCT SINGING.]
AMADI: Hey, Maureen? - Uh, we have a little IT issue.
- Drop it on me, baby.
OK.
Um, do you have any idea how we might find the real identity of someone who's trolling me in the comments? Yeah, I can Yeah.
I can do that, yeah.
Oh, wow, I wish I would've done that when I had a troll.
Oh, y-you had a troll too? It's It's a nightmare.
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm a woman that plays video games so men on the internet want me to die.
Or some of them want me to get naked, but then they want me to die.
God.
Well, how did you make it stop? I changed my avatar to a picture of Bradley Cooper in American Sniper.
- So sad.
- Smart.
OK, so, uh, Andy's computer has a virus, and then I have to do horoscopes and then I have to do obituaries, which take a little time because, you know, families.
- And, uh, you know - Yeah.
if nobody else dies, I should be able to get it done by tomorrow.
Oh, my That's That's a lot of shit, Maureen.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Yes.
It is.
- So, mini-horses at 8:00? - Yeah, that's great.
You guys going to that thing at the Expo? - Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Wow.
OK, well, thanks, Maureen.
- OK.
- See ya.
I have plans too.
ANNIE: Surprise, surprise.
Guess what I got to celebrate the good cancer news.
- It isn't.
- It is.
My God! [LAUGHS.]
You are an angel from heaven dressed as my very own daughter.
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
- Yeah, I was driving past Atomic Sub and the sign was there, said "The meatball sub is back, baby.
" But they haven't had these forever! I don't understand why they don't just have it all the time.
I guess the wait makes it special.
- [LAUGHS.]
- BILL: Oh - Oh, yeah.
Ooh.
- BILL: I love you.
- Oh, I love you! - It stinks so good.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
It's kinda weird not to be eating these in the car.
You know? Like, it feels very glamorous to be at a table.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Mmm.
That is heaven.
So I read your article.
ANNIE: Mm.
I had I had no idea you felt that way about yourself.
Kinda broke my heart.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry, Dad.
I No, no, no, no, no.
Fuck "sorry.
" I'm glad you wrote that.
You're a force, man.
I've always known it now everybody else does too.
Well, I wasn't planning on writing it, I just I got so fuckin' mad, I just did.
Yeah.
Well, people do amazing stuff when they're pissed off.
That's how beautiful shit happens.
Hey I know how we should celebrate.
Well, I I thought that this was the celebration.
No, no, no.
Boodle-ee-doop.
Oh, my God.
No.
Boodle-e-doo.
Jam session.
Jam sesh, come on! No.
I don't know how to play anymore.
Honestly.
I'm serious.
No.
All right.
I respect that.
[WOMAN TALKING ON TV.]
[RYAN LAUGHING.]
That was crazy.
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
- [TV DIALOGUE INAUDIBLE.]
Oh, fuck.
She called you? What was she thinking? Hello, my love.
Did you make it to the other side? - Yeah, he's doin' really great.
- FRAN: Thanks.
Well, I can take it from here.
You can go back to being a full-time dirtbag now.
I was actually wondering if I could stick around - until Annie got home? - FRAN: No.
There's a "No Ryan" rule in this house.
That sucks because I'm Ryan.
You have no right to be anywhere near Annie.
Do you even realize how amazing she is? Yeah.
She's the best.
Annie's my family.
And even though she's going through a little bit of a selfish phase right now, I would do anything for her.
RYAN: Look, I get it.
My brother is a fuckin' idiot, but I'd kill for him.
Every time you treat her like dirt, which is often, and she comes crawling back, that fucks with me.
Because she's not that girl.
She's the girl in her article.
What article? Dude, you suck so bad.
Can I please stay until she gets back? - Fine.
- RYAN: Thanks.
[BILL PLAYS INTRO.]
[BOTH PLAYING "LOONEY TUNES" THEME.]
BILL: That's it, baby, rock on.
[ANNIE PLAYING WRONG NOTES.]
Oh, yeah, you're terrible.
Yeah.
That's bad.
[BILL AND ANNIE LAUGHING.]
Oh, you're having a jam sesh.
[BOTH STOP PLAYING.]
- Oh.
Honey.
- Hey, Mom.
- Oh.
Are you staying for dinner? - ANNIE: No, no.
We already ate.
Oh, tell me you did not bring this crap into our house.
- Did you? - Honey, come on.
Yeah, relax.
It's a meatball sub.
It's one sandwich, one day, and Dad got good test results today.
Yeah, today, but that doesn't mean he's home free.
We still have to worry about our health OK, you don't have to control every single thing that we eat.
OK.
Yeah, well, you know, I read your article, and I know I'm the horrible mother who forced you your whole life to eat healthy and exercise.
And now all my friends are readin' about it.
- So that's great.
- Well, I feel some of those things, - so I wrote them.
- Then why didn't you come to me and talk to me about it first? Instead you just publish it so the whole world can see it! Yeah, because that's what you actually care about.
You can say it's about my health, but all you actually care about is what other people think.
That is not true, Annie.
Yes, it is.
And you micromanage everything, and it's not just me.
Now that Dad's sick, you get to do it to him, - and you love it.
- Annie.
What? I um, somebody has to tell her.
You're suffocating both of us.
Hey, Annie, that's enough! Dad, I'm just defending both of us.
BILL: You know how hard your mom works?! She busts her ass all the time for everyone.
- And you are acting like a little brat - I just thinkin' about yourself.
Your mom thinks about everybody.
Can't you see that? Dad, I'm sorry, but you have to admit, she's on my back constantly, and I never Fuck! Just knock it off.
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING.]
[INHALES.]
- [EXHALES.]
- Saw it in her eyes Oh, it wasn't what she said She came together like a dream That I didn't know I had - [BONKERS WHIMPERS.]
- Hey.
Hey, buddy.
- You feelin' better? You seem better.
- Hey.
- All the colors I have seen - Hey.
[LAUGHS.]
What's this? It's for my hard-workin' lady.
It's a grilled cheese.
I can't help but recognize - What's wrong? - The brighter one in front of me - Oh, hey.
You're OK.
- Oh, the truth I thought I learned And then it finally came along What do you think he's dreamin' about? Probably, like, a poodle in a bikini - [CHUCKLES.]
- eating a big, juicy steak.
- Yeah, that sounds right.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey.
You're OK, right? Yeah.
It's just today was horrible.
[LAUGHS.]
But thanks for taking care of Bonkers.
It was truly the one thing that I didn't have to worry about.
Hey, it's part of the job.
Right? I don't know.
Is it? Annie I'm bad at this.
I don't know what I'm doing.
And whenever I try, it just ends up bad.
So I don't try.
But I feel better when I'm with you.
I want you to be my girlfriend.
I mean, I I want that.
I want to be your girlfriend, but I I don't want to just be, like, an obligation to you.
No, no! I I want this.
I just need your help.
I'll help you, but you have to help me, too.
You know? So that we can, like, work together and make it good.
Yes.
I'll make it good.
OK.
But I need you to fuck me now.
OK? I'm not just gonna fuck you.
I'm gonna make fuck to you.
RYAN: Mmm.
- Shall we go upstairs? - Mm, no.
- Right here? - Yeah.
Cool.
[LAUGHS.]
Can I take this off? Um yeah.
- I'm super smooth.
- [LAUGHS.]
Come here.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
You're so fucking hot.
Hey, I admit it's late To show up here and in this state - But I disagree - [PHONE BUZZES.]
- - We should talk - - There are some things that I need To hear you say Now it's too late To figure out how to separate I, I still could get comfortable If you only let me know what's on your mind What is on your mind Body language gets old with time And I can't read your mind If I can't talk to you Something happens when I try to I can't talk to you Free At last
I know this old feeling It's a substance in my tears And the kids on the street And the kids everywhere All I gotta say is the kids, is the kids don't care - [MUSIC CONTINUES.]
- [PHONE CHIMES.]
- [HORN HONKS.]
- What the fuck?! - [HONKING CONTINUES.]
- MAN: Come on! Shut the fuck up! God damn it.
And the kids everywhere [TIRES SQUEAL, HORNS HONK.]
And all I gotta say is the kids don't care [SONG ENDS.]
[PHONE BUZZING.]
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
[LAUGHS.]
[BUZZES, CHIMES.]
- Holy hell.
[LAUGHS.]
- [PHONE BUZZING.]
Hi, Mom.
Hi, honey.
How's your day going? Good, really.
Actually, so, so good.
Um, I-I wrote another article, and-and people really like it.
Like, it's a little bit of a "thing" now.
Like, literally, 19,000 people clicked on it.
Oh! Annie wrote a new article.
People are into it.
19,000 people clicked her.
- All right, Annie! - [BOTH LAUGH.]
ANNIE: Well, they didn't click me, but Yeah.
Er Nin Yeah.
Yes.
VERA: Listen, we have some news too.
Um, Dr.
Walsh called, and Dad's numbers are down, so cautiously optimistic, right now the treatment's working.
God, that's That's so, so great! God! Oh, I'm so happy I could cry! Um, that's awesome.
Well, you tell Dad, "Way to kick cancer's ass.
" Annie says, "Way to kick cancer's ass.
" Yeah, fuck you, cancer! You fuckin' piece-of-shit motherfucker! VERA: Yeah, fuck cancer! BILL: Fuck cancer right up the fuckin' ass! OK.
OK, cool.
Well, um, I'll talk to you guys later, OK? Um, that's the best news.
- Um, OK, bye! - VERA: Bye, sweetie! FRAN: Oh, my God! This is so much good news all at once! - [LAUGHS.]
- ANNIE: I know! I am so happy.
Man, what are you doing dressed so early in the morning? I have that music video thing, remember? I'm doing hair for a magazine shoot.
For that band Maple and the Pearls.
Yes, Maple and the Pearls.
We know that band, we love that band, and we remember that you're doing that.
This is huge, right? Like, you not just doing hair in our living room? - [PHONE CHIMES.]
- FRAN: Yeah.
They said it's like an audition for a full-time stylist job.
Hello, you just asked me a question? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- [ANNIE TEXTING.]
- Do you know I'm a magic genie? - Yeah.
Gabe just texted me, and it's all caps, "You should come in early," which feels like he's yelling at me, right? - ANNIE: Oh, shit! - FRAN: Fuck! I'm gonna be so late.
ANNIE: No, it's OK, dude.
I'm gonna help you.
- Oh, shit.
- What? My shroom pills.
Bonkers! No! ANNIE: [GASPS.]
Bonkers, no! He's eating them! No! No! How many do you think he ate? - [BONKERS BARKING.]
- Three? - Are you sure? - No.
Oh, well, should we call the police? Do you want to get me deported?! - No, no.
Should we call my dad? - We should call a vet.
- Yeah.
Yes.
Call a vet.
Call a vet.
- [BONKERS WHIMPERS.]
ANNIE: He's out of his mind.
His eyes look insane.
I guess his eyes always look insane.
Bonkers, please! Oh, buddy.
OK.
You gotta get the poison out, right? You gotta do a little barf.
Little There you go.
- That's good.
- FRAN: OK, thank you.
- Thanks.
- [ANNIE PRETENDS TO GAG.]
- Now you do that.
- OK, good news.
The vet said that he should be fine.
We just need to keep an eye on him all day to make sure that he doesn't have a seizure.
Oh, my fuckin' God.
A seizure?! Yeah.
Well, I can't stick around because I'm already running late.
Yeah, well, I already told Gabe that I'd go in early.
- Yeah, I know.
You already told me.
- Yeah.
OK, well, don't yell at me, it's not my fault.
It's your shrooms.
- Oh, this is my fault? - No.
Just just go.
Just go.
I'll deal with it.
Great.
Bye, Bonkers.
[FOOTSTEPS RECEDE.]
[SIGHS.]
Fuck.
Oh, buddy.
[LIGHT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING.]
All right.
[PHONE CHIMES.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Thank you for coming.
Um, I know we left things in a weird place.
- I just didn't know who else to call.
- I wanna talk about that, and we definitely should, but right now my priority is Bonkers.
ANNIE: Um, I guess he's just kind of resting, - which I think is good? - Oh, shit.
He's in couch lock.
Hey, buddy.
It's an advanced state in the trip where the couch becomes an island the only safe place.
- Um, I have to go, so - RYAN: Yeah.
Just please text me updates, and I'll be back as soon as I can.
OK.
Bye, baby.
I love you.
[KISS.]
OK.
Get your yogurt outta the fridge or I'm gonna kill myself.
[CHATTER, PHONE RINGING.]
- Run.
- ANNIE: What? Just trust me, get the fuck out of here.
ANNIE: Oh, uh this is kinda fun, you at my desk for a change.
[CHUCKLES.]
What do you think you're doing? In regards to ? I'm really curious about what you actually think you're doing.
Because it seems like you think this is your paper.
Right? And that you're pretty much publishing anything that you happen to be feeling that day.
OK, well, it's it's not just my feelings, though, right? I mean, clearly a lot of other people thought that my article was something they could connect with.
A lot of other people think that mermaids are real we don't print that.
I don't really get what you're upset about.
Is it because I posted without permission, or is it because I wrote about something that I actually care about? I don't know.
Both? Maybe it's 'cause you quoted me as your own personal villain? Maybe it's because I suddenly turned out to be The Man that you had to suddenly take down? OK, but you're the one who's always saying that we should hold the establishment accountable.
Do I look like the establishment? I'm wearing fucking nail polish! The establishment is lazy, entitled slobs suckin' on their Cheeto fingers while the world burns! OK, but when you say lazy slobs, that feels like coded language to talk about fat people, - and it doesn't make me feel great.
- GABE: You-you're right.
- ANNIE: It's not that hard to decode.
- GABE: I'm talking about you, because everyone's attacking you, right? Is that pretty much - how the world is right now? - No, I'm just saying - There's you and then the world? - Hey, you two.
Just wanted to come remind you that, you know, you both love each other very much, - so let's be cool.
- That's right, Amadi, just defend your little work wife.
Annie, you've lost all posting privileges, and you've lost all assignments until I can be sure that you understand that I employ you.
Just gotta get the ratio right.
There's nothing worse than doing shrooms alone, and I am not gonna do that to you, Bonkers.
Yeah, you're a good weight for a boy your size.
Small, but dense like a gymnast.
Let's see, so Yeah.
That's gonna have to be two stems Two caps.
Now we're in this together.
ANNIE: Oh, God, just please don't look at me like I just peed my pants in front of the whole school.
You know, I peed my pants in the fifth grade once.
Could do it right now.
It'll distract the office.
No, that's OK.
Thanks for the offer, though.
You're welcome.
- Hey, I got some good news, though.
- Yeah? Yeah.
Your story's still up.
That's that's good, right? Yeah, it's great.
I mean, Gabe looks like a bad guy in it, but if he takes it down, it makes him a bad journalist.
Great.
- That's a real win for me.
[LAUGHS.]
- Yeah.
Hey, you know what? We should blow off some steam tonight.
There is this tiny horse dressage competition - Like, mini-horses? - Yeah.
I mean, that's all the stuff I like.
Small horses that are doing choreographed dances? - That's [KISS.]
to me.
- That's why I suggested it.
- Wow.
- So you wanna go? Um, obviously.
That's the only thing I wanna do.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [COMPUTER CHIMES.]
Oh, my God.
My troll is back.
Oh.
"I bet your dad got cancer on purpose just so that he could die and finally get away from his fat pig daughter.
" God, how does he even know that my dad is sick? Honestly, fuck this dude.
We should track him down.
Yeah, like, no one would say this shit to my face.
Like we have to track this motherfucker down and slice him open.
- You ready to go to the Dark Web? - ANNIE: Yeah.
Fuck this fuckin' piece of shit.
I'm gonna kill him.
Be cool, Angus.
You're not listening to this, right, bud? - I didn't hear shit.
- What? - ANGUS: I didn't hear shit.
- That's what I thought.
Now shut the fuck up and look at your computer.
- AMADI: Mm-hmm.
- I'm different.
I mean It's like I'm looking in the mirror.
Give me a signal you're OK, buddy.
Nice.
Just trying to get the shading.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
God, you're beautiful.
O-M-G.
We're connecting so hard right now.
I think that looks like you, right? I wish I could take my pills in cheese.
I guess I can.
Ahhh Remember, we're in a womb.
Or a butt, or wherever you guys come out of.
Ha ha ha.
[BARKS.]
Light is a guide Keep it together.
Ahhh [CHANTING AFFECTIONATELY.]
- [BONKERS BARKING.]
- Yeah, man.
Whoo! Oww! [INDISTINCT SINGING.]
AMADI: Hey, Maureen? - Uh, we have a little IT issue.
- Drop it on me, baby.
OK.
Um, do you have any idea how we might find the real identity of someone who's trolling me in the comments? Yeah, I can Yeah.
I can do that, yeah.
Oh, wow, I wish I would've done that when I had a troll.
Oh, y-you had a troll too? It's It's a nightmare.
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm a woman that plays video games so men on the internet want me to die.
Or some of them want me to get naked, but then they want me to die.
God.
Well, how did you make it stop? I changed my avatar to a picture of Bradley Cooper in American Sniper.
- So sad.
- Smart.
OK, so, uh, Andy's computer has a virus, and then I have to do horoscopes and then I have to do obituaries, which take a little time because, you know, families.
- And, uh, you know - Yeah.
if nobody else dies, I should be able to get it done by tomorrow.
Oh, my That's That's a lot of shit, Maureen.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Yes.
It is.
- So, mini-horses at 8:00? - Yeah, that's great.
You guys going to that thing at the Expo? - Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Wow.
OK, well, thanks, Maureen.
- OK.
- See ya.
I have plans too.
ANNIE: Surprise, surprise.
Guess what I got to celebrate the good cancer news.
- It isn't.
- It is.
My God! [LAUGHS.]
You are an angel from heaven dressed as my very own daughter.
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
- Yeah, I was driving past Atomic Sub and the sign was there, said "The meatball sub is back, baby.
" But they haven't had these forever! I don't understand why they don't just have it all the time.
I guess the wait makes it special.
- [LAUGHS.]
- BILL: Oh - Oh, yeah.
Ooh.
- BILL: I love you.
- Oh, I love you! - It stinks so good.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
It's kinda weird not to be eating these in the car.
You know? Like, it feels very glamorous to be at a table.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Mmm.
That is heaven.
So I read your article.
ANNIE: Mm.
I had I had no idea you felt that way about yourself.
Kinda broke my heart.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry, Dad.
I No, no, no, no, no.
Fuck "sorry.
" I'm glad you wrote that.
You're a force, man.
I've always known it now everybody else does too.
Well, I wasn't planning on writing it, I just I got so fuckin' mad, I just did.
Yeah.
Well, people do amazing stuff when they're pissed off.
That's how beautiful shit happens.
Hey I know how we should celebrate.
Well, I I thought that this was the celebration.
No, no, no.
Boodle-ee-doop.
Oh, my God.
No.
Boodle-e-doo.
Jam session.
Jam sesh, come on! No.
I don't know how to play anymore.
Honestly.
I'm serious.
No.
All right.
I respect that.
[WOMAN TALKING ON TV.]
[RYAN LAUGHING.]
That was crazy.
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
- [TV DIALOGUE INAUDIBLE.]
Oh, fuck.
She called you? What was she thinking? Hello, my love.
Did you make it to the other side? - Yeah, he's doin' really great.
- FRAN: Thanks.
Well, I can take it from here.
You can go back to being a full-time dirtbag now.
I was actually wondering if I could stick around - until Annie got home? - FRAN: No.
There's a "No Ryan" rule in this house.
That sucks because I'm Ryan.
You have no right to be anywhere near Annie.
Do you even realize how amazing she is? Yeah.
She's the best.
Annie's my family.
And even though she's going through a little bit of a selfish phase right now, I would do anything for her.
RYAN: Look, I get it.
My brother is a fuckin' idiot, but I'd kill for him.
Every time you treat her like dirt, which is often, and she comes crawling back, that fucks with me.
Because she's not that girl.
She's the girl in her article.
What article? Dude, you suck so bad.
Can I please stay until she gets back? - Fine.
- RYAN: Thanks.
[BILL PLAYS INTRO.]
[BOTH PLAYING "LOONEY TUNES" THEME.]
BILL: That's it, baby, rock on.
[ANNIE PLAYING WRONG NOTES.]
Oh, yeah, you're terrible.
Yeah.
That's bad.
[BILL AND ANNIE LAUGHING.]
Oh, you're having a jam sesh.
[BOTH STOP PLAYING.]
- Oh.
Honey.
- Hey, Mom.
- Oh.
Are you staying for dinner? - ANNIE: No, no.
We already ate.
Oh, tell me you did not bring this crap into our house.
- Did you? - Honey, come on.
Yeah, relax.
It's a meatball sub.
It's one sandwich, one day, and Dad got good test results today.
Yeah, today, but that doesn't mean he's home free.
We still have to worry about our health OK, you don't have to control every single thing that we eat.
OK.
Yeah, well, you know, I read your article, and I know I'm the horrible mother who forced you your whole life to eat healthy and exercise.
And now all my friends are readin' about it.
- So that's great.
- Well, I feel some of those things, - so I wrote them.
- Then why didn't you come to me and talk to me about it first? Instead you just publish it so the whole world can see it! Yeah, because that's what you actually care about.
You can say it's about my health, but all you actually care about is what other people think.
That is not true, Annie.
Yes, it is.
And you micromanage everything, and it's not just me.
Now that Dad's sick, you get to do it to him, - and you love it.
- Annie.
What? I um, somebody has to tell her.
You're suffocating both of us.
Hey, Annie, that's enough! Dad, I'm just defending both of us.
BILL: You know how hard your mom works?! She busts her ass all the time for everyone.
- And you are acting like a little brat - I just thinkin' about yourself.
Your mom thinks about everybody.
Can't you see that? Dad, I'm sorry, but you have to admit, she's on my back constantly, and I never Fuck! Just knock it off.
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING.]
[INHALES.]
- [EXHALES.]
- Saw it in her eyes Oh, it wasn't what she said She came together like a dream That I didn't know I had - [BONKERS WHIMPERS.]
- Hey.
Hey, buddy.
- You feelin' better? You seem better.
- Hey.
- All the colors I have seen - Hey.
[LAUGHS.]
What's this? It's for my hard-workin' lady.
It's a grilled cheese.
I can't help but recognize - What's wrong? - The brighter one in front of me - Oh, hey.
You're OK.
- Oh, the truth I thought I learned And then it finally came along What do you think he's dreamin' about? Probably, like, a poodle in a bikini - [CHUCKLES.]
- eating a big, juicy steak.
- Yeah, that sounds right.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey.
You're OK, right? Yeah.
It's just today was horrible.
[LAUGHS.]
But thanks for taking care of Bonkers.
It was truly the one thing that I didn't have to worry about.
Hey, it's part of the job.
Right? I don't know.
Is it? Annie I'm bad at this.
I don't know what I'm doing.
And whenever I try, it just ends up bad.
So I don't try.
But I feel better when I'm with you.
I want you to be my girlfriend.
I mean, I I want that.
I want to be your girlfriend, but I I don't want to just be, like, an obligation to you.
No, no! I I want this.
I just need your help.
I'll help you, but you have to help me, too.
You know? So that we can, like, work together and make it good.
Yes.
I'll make it good.
OK.
But I need you to fuck me now.
OK? I'm not just gonna fuck you.
I'm gonna make fuck to you.
RYAN: Mmm.
- Shall we go upstairs? - Mm, no.
- Right here? - Yeah.
Cool.
[LAUGHS.]
Can I take this off? Um yeah.
- I'm super smooth.
- [LAUGHS.]
Come here.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
You're so fucking hot.
Hey, I admit it's late To show up here and in this state - But I disagree - [PHONE BUZZES.]
- - We should talk - - There are some things that I need To hear you say Now it's too late To figure out how to separate I, I still could get comfortable If you only let me know what's on your mind What is on your mind Body language gets old with time And I can't read your mind If I can't talk to you Something happens when I try to I can't talk to you Free At last