Small Time Gangster (2011) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
Tony, at least admit it or we're through.
I'm not a cleaner.
I work for a bunch of crims as a standover man.
II hurt people to make them pay up or whatever.
Look, I want to change, get out of the business.
The gig's yours if you want it and you can take over from Tony full-time.
Get out.
Morning, guys.
What are you doing? Cheese and tomato, pop-ups and fruit.
I don't do dairy or carbs.
Yeah, we buy our lunches.
Oh, well, you can just take out what you don't want.
Matt, can you take Les his tea? Yep.
Mum, when's Dad coming home? Mum? Matt.
Guys.
Mel.
You know that it's OK that Dad's not here, because the three of us Four.
Les, remember? Four of us, we're gonna be fine because we're still a family.
I love you.
And I love you.
This is really weird.
Mmm! It takes a lot to be a single parent.
It's hard work.
You know, Charlie's going to call you.
Did I mention him, did I?! Mum, there's something wrong with Les.
What? He's not answering.
What?! Come quick.
Did you knock? Les? You go that way.
I'm gonna try this one.
So, was there anything I didn't drink last night? Someone did give you a water.
You poured it over your head because you were, quote, "smoking hot on the dance floor.
" Good.
So I, um I didn't embarrass myself, then.
You're a free man.
You're allowed to let off some steam.
Hey, um, I, er woke up in my underwear and, er had lipstick on my, um, face up there.
We, er we didn't, um We didn't.
We didn't.
No.
You were the perfect gentleman.
Mind you, you did promise me the world and everything in it.
Well, I should get on with that, then.
Les? Les, for God's sake! Mum, I read about this guy and he got locked in his house and he had a heart attack and and he died and the paramedics couldn't get in and his cat ate him.
Oi! I heard that.
Finally.
Are you alright? No, I bloody am not.
Well, then, open the door.
Please let me help you.
Nah.
I'm not coming out until you invite him back.
What? Cath, Tony was providing for his family the only way he knew how.
Alright? You've just gone and kicked him out.
Matt, can you go inside? I want to stay.
Can you go inside? Now.
Please.
Honey.
Les.
Yeah? Don't think for one second I don't know the part you played in all this.
So you can bloody well rot in there for all I care.
You're gonna be out the second that you drain the last longneck and the moment you are, you can piss off too! Yeah, well, you didn't have any trouble spending the money, did ya? What?! Buried your head in the sand.
Throwing cash around like you're Imelda bloody Marcos, drinking your fancy wines, popping your happy pills.
I beg your pardon! Well, hey you reckon those renos and the pool were paid for by cleaning carpets? Les! Cath! You knew he was more than just a carpet cleaner.
As soon as you find out, "Oh, no.
Shock horror.
Can't live with you.
" Open the fucking door! No! I will not! I've got 50 cans of Beams, I've got beer, got my smokes.
Toilet paper.
I can last here for a month if I want to.
Oi, I'll drink my own urine if I have to.
Fine.
Do that.
Yummy.
He didn't tell you because he was protecting you.
Cath? Hopefully it won't come to that, Glen.
But you have to understand Where's the cash? I'll call you right back.
Hi, Barry.
Nice to see you.
The cash from the crane guy? Where is it? - Don't worry.
It's sorted.
- No, no, no.
If it was sorted, I would have it.
But I don't.
So it's not sorted, is it? Look, Glen's not a mug, Barry.
Isn't that why I have staff? To deal with this shit? Hey, if you go in all guns blazing, it's tricky.
You've got to handle this delicately, negotiate.
No, we don't! It's on our bloody patch! There's a principle involved here! And union jobs, and no-pays, and invoices, and materials, and kickbacks! This place should be bleeding money! It should be my own personal ATM.
Yet here I stand with my dick in my hand.
If I was still on the shop floor, that prick would have paid or he'd be picking up his teeth with broken fingers.
Barry, you know who Glen works for.
I just need a little time to consider Time, you say? Like the time you had last night? Funning it up all over town with the boy here.
Is that what you mean by 'time'? That's not fair, Baz.
Give her a break.
Interesting you should use the word 'fair'.
Because fair is me getting paid.
Fair is me paying the bosses in Sydney, who, incidentally, are so far up my arse, they could brush my teeth.
Is that fair? This isn't the first job that's been left to slide and I won't have it, I shit you not.
What?! Your burger, Barry.
Thank you, Stevie.
Hold on.
What is that? Beetroot.
Fucking that! Pineapple.
What did I say, Stu? Burger with the lot.
And the name's Steve.
A fucking fruit has no business on a fucking savoury! Now fuck off! I can't do your job for you, Darlene.
Well, I can but I'm not gonna.
Now, call me when it's done.
Thanks for covering for me.
Likewise.
But, you know, he has got a point.
You have been, er avoiding things lately.
Hmm? Maybe it's time for you to get back to the front lines.
Yeah, yeah, it's just, you know leaving home and all that is just, you know We have to get this done.
Today.
Can I help you? Morning, love.
Um, the man of the house around? Er, you mean my husband? Can I ask what it's regarding, Mr? Look, Tony knows me, alright? And I know a lot about Tony.
See, he works for Barry Donald and he can't do the business anymore.
And, um, he's got a nice house and a pretty wife.
See, me, I've got nothing, right? What do you want? Money.
Cash.
Mum, what's up? Nothing.
Pretty little girl you've got there.
What's her name? Piss off! Ow! Stay away from my family! Oh, you bitch! What's going on? Nothing.
Nothing I can't handle.
It doesn't seem that way.
I'm calling the cops.
No! I'm giving you five seconds and then I am gonna call the cops.
Great, I'll be happy to tell them who your old man works for and where all the cash comes from, eh? Great.
Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey! - Whoa! Housewife, two kids.
Hardened criminal, you know? I've done time.
Ow! Fuck! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Cath? Oh! Go, Matt! Hit him! Get him! I warned you to stay away from my family but, no, you had to go and be some kind of tough guy! You bastard! I am a mother.
Show some respect.
Dickhead! Ow! Fuck! - Ooh! - Oh! Alright.
Oh, holy shit, Mum! That was amazing! Yeah, you were like Wolverine on acid.
Kicked him in the balls! It was a family effort.
Oh, my God.
Who was that creep? He was disgusting.
I thought I saw him with Dad a couple of weeks ago.
Nah.
Nah, mate.
Nah.
It'd just be, er it'd just be some wacko.
Anyway, all over bar the shouting, eh? Milo all round, eh? Just wait till I tweet this.
No, Mel.
No.
No, no.
No.
You will not tweet.
Wouldn't happen if Tony was here.
Oh! Les! Seriously, how many times do I have to tell you? Don't use that spray shit on my car! Ever! It's an Italian chamois or nothing, you hearing me? Is anyone home in there? Eh? Let me guess.
Glen? Who are you? This is private property.
Yeah, my boss kind of sees it differently.
Barry Donald? Oh.
Yeah? Well, you'd better run back to your master and tell the great Barry Donald to go fuck himself! Go on, get out of here.
What are you waiting for? Go on, shoo! Hey, mate.
Ha! Yeah.
You just stay there.
You stay right there.
That's it.
Run off, you little pussy.
That's it.
Get out of here! Wanker.
Fucking dickhead.
Nice car.
Hell, Cath.
They're still my family.
Why didn't you call? You lost the right to play the family card by lying every day.
Right, this guy - skinny, middle-aged, maybe wears a toupee, looks a bit like a weasel? Yep.
Should've thrown him off that fucking car park when I had the chance! Tony, listen to me.
If anything illegal happens to that little shit, I'll divorce you.
Tony! OK, OK.
I'm serious.
I'm not keeping any more of your secrets.
If anything else happens, I'll call the police.
Well, why didn't you? Well, why do you think? Talk to the kids and when you're done, get back in your girlfriend's fancy car and fuck off.
You alright, mate? When are you coming home? Well that's up to your mum.
That man, was he from your work? Look, if it's a secret, you can trust me.
Very nice of you to show up, by the way.
Yeah.
So, what are we gonna do? I need a favour.
Is Mel alright? What's he doing here? He's with me.
She's fine, mate.
Well, what are we gonna do about this little prick? Well, that's the favour.
I need you two to find him, sort him out for me.
Righto.
And what are you gonna do? Well, I can't actually do anything.
I promised Cath.
Christ! How do you fucking think I feel? Yeah, righto.
Do you want me to sort him out, huh? Hospital, not morgue.
What about him? He's 150 fuckin' years old, mate.
How old are you, you little pipsqueak? Watch your false teeth.
Les won't let you down.
Too fucking right, I won't.
Tone, thanks for reaching out for me, brother.
I mean it.
Respect, huh? It's not like we're getting married or anything.
Isn't he gonna come back? He'll be coming after me next.
Fucking invading Baghdad, are we? You want a horse and cart, mate, huh? Alright.
Ooh! Which one's mine? They're both mine, numb-nuts.
You boys find him fast or I'm fucked, OK? How can you listen to this shit? Whoa, whoa, whoa, dawg, did you just touch my radio? Don't you fucking touch my radio.
This is my car, my wheels, my rules, big boy.
You call me 'dog', dipshit? Yeah, what? So what? Pull over.
Pull over.
Do it.
Do it.
What? Where? Oh! Huh? Oh, come on! Huh? Scared of the Weasel, hey? Hey? You should be 'cause I'm gonna fuck you up! Come on! Freeze! No-one Piss o Ohhh! Arrgghh! Fancy a beer? Fuck.
My shout.
Righto.
I'm picking up some serious stress vibes.
Oh, yeah.
It's just one of those 'brave face' days today, I'm afraid.
Come on.
Spill.
I just miss him sometimes.
Bugger him.
I can't stand what he's done.
What exactly did he do? Oh, it's just a mess, Brent.
It's just a mess.
Well, um this might help things out a little bit.
I've got a friend who owns a small business and he's looking for a bookkeeper.
Cash in hand, two days a week.
You'd be perfect.
Oh, wow! Er It's, er, I don't know if I actually could, you know, with the kids.
Come on.
Yes, you can.
You can do anything.
You're Supermum.
Fuck.
Hello? Howdy, Glen.
Who the fuck is this? Why don't you pop your noggin outside and have a quick look? But, er, do it gently, mate.
What the fuck?! Hey, boys! Boys, you wankers, help me! You dickheads! I'm gonna fucking sack the lot of you! Righto.
Just listen up, mate.
You owe us.
We both know that, OK? So I'm giving you 60 seconds to make a phone call.
400 grand in cash.
Yeah, you're not gonna do it, mate.
No way.
Fuck! Oh! Fuck! God! Please, mate! Hey, hey, it's not my car.
Yeah, no shit.
Do what the fuck you want to me but don't hurt the car.
Then apologise.
What for? For acting like a tough guy when you're just a playground bully.
You shouldn't pretend to be something you're not, Glen.
Believe you me, it only causes problems.
I'm sorry, mate.
Nah, look, bugger it.
Why don't we make it a round 500 grand, eh? And be nice to your workers, mate.
No-one likes an angry boss.
You've got five seconds.
It's your choice.
You're a genius.
Half a million? What did you do?! You know, had a quiet word.
Nothing sexier than a man who takes control.
It makes me weak at the knees.
I'm sorry I underestimated you.
Am I forgiven? You know the best part about it? Barry has no idea how much Glen kicked up.
South America, Mexico we could just disappear.
What? Just stiff Barry? After the way he spoke to me? We deserve a break.
Sunshine, tequila.
Nothing to do but eat and swim all day long.
You could have it all.
Or we could stay here we could stay here and run this crew the way it's supposed to be run.
It'd be a great life.
Real money, real power.
And I would fuck your brains out.
Your choice.
Hello, son.
Shit.
You scared me.
How's work? Yeah, good, good.
Busy.
There's nothing weird going on between Darlene and little Tony, is there? Nah.
Nothing about Tony giving a pass to some clown that owes me? Tones, he's doing business, same as ever.
You wouldn't lie to your old man, would you, son? Shit no, Dad.
I'm gonna shower.
I stink like shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, you do that.
What about Tony? Tony's weak.
And dangerous.
So's Barry.
Imagine if they somehow just turned on each other.
Think of the moves we could make.
We could have it all.
What, just you and me? Together? Dad! What?
I'm not a cleaner.
I work for a bunch of crims as a standover man.
II hurt people to make them pay up or whatever.
Look, I want to change, get out of the business.
The gig's yours if you want it and you can take over from Tony full-time.
Get out.
Morning, guys.
What are you doing? Cheese and tomato, pop-ups and fruit.
I don't do dairy or carbs.
Yeah, we buy our lunches.
Oh, well, you can just take out what you don't want.
Matt, can you take Les his tea? Yep.
Mum, when's Dad coming home? Mum? Matt.
Guys.
Mel.
You know that it's OK that Dad's not here, because the three of us Four.
Les, remember? Four of us, we're gonna be fine because we're still a family.
I love you.
And I love you.
This is really weird.
Mmm! It takes a lot to be a single parent.
It's hard work.
You know, Charlie's going to call you.
Did I mention him, did I?! Mum, there's something wrong with Les.
What? He's not answering.
What?! Come quick.
Did you knock? Les? You go that way.
I'm gonna try this one.
So, was there anything I didn't drink last night? Someone did give you a water.
You poured it over your head because you were, quote, "smoking hot on the dance floor.
" Good.
So I, um I didn't embarrass myself, then.
You're a free man.
You're allowed to let off some steam.
Hey, um, I, er woke up in my underwear and, er had lipstick on my, um, face up there.
We, er we didn't, um We didn't.
We didn't.
No.
You were the perfect gentleman.
Mind you, you did promise me the world and everything in it.
Well, I should get on with that, then.
Les? Les, for God's sake! Mum, I read about this guy and he got locked in his house and he had a heart attack and and he died and the paramedics couldn't get in and his cat ate him.
Oi! I heard that.
Finally.
Are you alright? No, I bloody am not.
Well, then, open the door.
Please let me help you.
Nah.
I'm not coming out until you invite him back.
What? Cath, Tony was providing for his family the only way he knew how.
Alright? You've just gone and kicked him out.
Matt, can you go inside? I want to stay.
Can you go inside? Now.
Please.
Honey.
Les.
Yeah? Don't think for one second I don't know the part you played in all this.
So you can bloody well rot in there for all I care.
You're gonna be out the second that you drain the last longneck and the moment you are, you can piss off too! Yeah, well, you didn't have any trouble spending the money, did ya? What?! Buried your head in the sand.
Throwing cash around like you're Imelda bloody Marcos, drinking your fancy wines, popping your happy pills.
I beg your pardon! Well, hey you reckon those renos and the pool were paid for by cleaning carpets? Les! Cath! You knew he was more than just a carpet cleaner.
As soon as you find out, "Oh, no.
Shock horror.
Can't live with you.
" Open the fucking door! No! I will not! I've got 50 cans of Beams, I've got beer, got my smokes.
Toilet paper.
I can last here for a month if I want to.
Oi, I'll drink my own urine if I have to.
Fine.
Do that.
Yummy.
He didn't tell you because he was protecting you.
Cath? Hopefully it won't come to that, Glen.
But you have to understand Where's the cash? I'll call you right back.
Hi, Barry.
Nice to see you.
The cash from the crane guy? Where is it? - Don't worry.
It's sorted.
- No, no, no.
If it was sorted, I would have it.
But I don't.
So it's not sorted, is it? Look, Glen's not a mug, Barry.
Isn't that why I have staff? To deal with this shit? Hey, if you go in all guns blazing, it's tricky.
You've got to handle this delicately, negotiate.
No, we don't! It's on our bloody patch! There's a principle involved here! And union jobs, and no-pays, and invoices, and materials, and kickbacks! This place should be bleeding money! It should be my own personal ATM.
Yet here I stand with my dick in my hand.
If I was still on the shop floor, that prick would have paid or he'd be picking up his teeth with broken fingers.
Barry, you know who Glen works for.
I just need a little time to consider Time, you say? Like the time you had last night? Funning it up all over town with the boy here.
Is that what you mean by 'time'? That's not fair, Baz.
Give her a break.
Interesting you should use the word 'fair'.
Because fair is me getting paid.
Fair is me paying the bosses in Sydney, who, incidentally, are so far up my arse, they could brush my teeth.
Is that fair? This isn't the first job that's been left to slide and I won't have it, I shit you not.
What?! Your burger, Barry.
Thank you, Stevie.
Hold on.
What is that? Beetroot.
Fucking that! Pineapple.
What did I say, Stu? Burger with the lot.
And the name's Steve.
A fucking fruit has no business on a fucking savoury! Now fuck off! I can't do your job for you, Darlene.
Well, I can but I'm not gonna.
Now, call me when it's done.
Thanks for covering for me.
Likewise.
But, you know, he has got a point.
You have been, er avoiding things lately.
Hmm? Maybe it's time for you to get back to the front lines.
Yeah, yeah, it's just, you know leaving home and all that is just, you know We have to get this done.
Today.
Can I help you? Morning, love.
Um, the man of the house around? Er, you mean my husband? Can I ask what it's regarding, Mr? Look, Tony knows me, alright? And I know a lot about Tony.
See, he works for Barry Donald and he can't do the business anymore.
And, um, he's got a nice house and a pretty wife.
See, me, I've got nothing, right? What do you want? Money.
Cash.
Mum, what's up? Nothing.
Pretty little girl you've got there.
What's her name? Piss off! Ow! Stay away from my family! Oh, you bitch! What's going on? Nothing.
Nothing I can't handle.
It doesn't seem that way.
I'm calling the cops.
No! I'm giving you five seconds and then I am gonna call the cops.
Great, I'll be happy to tell them who your old man works for and where all the cash comes from, eh? Great.
Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey! - Whoa! Housewife, two kids.
Hardened criminal, you know? I've done time.
Ow! Fuck! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Cath? Oh! Go, Matt! Hit him! Get him! I warned you to stay away from my family but, no, you had to go and be some kind of tough guy! You bastard! I am a mother.
Show some respect.
Dickhead! Ow! Fuck! - Ooh! - Oh! Alright.
Oh, holy shit, Mum! That was amazing! Yeah, you were like Wolverine on acid.
Kicked him in the balls! It was a family effort.
Oh, my God.
Who was that creep? He was disgusting.
I thought I saw him with Dad a couple of weeks ago.
Nah.
Nah, mate.
Nah.
It'd just be, er it'd just be some wacko.
Anyway, all over bar the shouting, eh? Milo all round, eh? Just wait till I tweet this.
No, Mel.
No.
No, no.
No.
You will not tweet.
Wouldn't happen if Tony was here.
Oh! Les! Seriously, how many times do I have to tell you? Don't use that spray shit on my car! Ever! It's an Italian chamois or nothing, you hearing me? Is anyone home in there? Eh? Let me guess.
Glen? Who are you? This is private property.
Yeah, my boss kind of sees it differently.
Barry Donald? Oh.
Yeah? Well, you'd better run back to your master and tell the great Barry Donald to go fuck himself! Go on, get out of here.
What are you waiting for? Go on, shoo! Hey, mate.
Ha! Yeah.
You just stay there.
You stay right there.
That's it.
Run off, you little pussy.
That's it.
Get out of here! Wanker.
Fucking dickhead.
Nice car.
Hell, Cath.
They're still my family.
Why didn't you call? You lost the right to play the family card by lying every day.
Right, this guy - skinny, middle-aged, maybe wears a toupee, looks a bit like a weasel? Yep.
Should've thrown him off that fucking car park when I had the chance! Tony, listen to me.
If anything illegal happens to that little shit, I'll divorce you.
Tony! OK, OK.
I'm serious.
I'm not keeping any more of your secrets.
If anything else happens, I'll call the police.
Well, why didn't you? Well, why do you think? Talk to the kids and when you're done, get back in your girlfriend's fancy car and fuck off.
You alright, mate? When are you coming home? Well that's up to your mum.
That man, was he from your work? Look, if it's a secret, you can trust me.
Very nice of you to show up, by the way.
Yeah.
So, what are we gonna do? I need a favour.
Is Mel alright? What's he doing here? He's with me.
She's fine, mate.
Well, what are we gonna do about this little prick? Well, that's the favour.
I need you two to find him, sort him out for me.
Righto.
And what are you gonna do? Well, I can't actually do anything.
I promised Cath.
Christ! How do you fucking think I feel? Yeah, righto.
Do you want me to sort him out, huh? Hospital, not morgue.
What about him? He's 150 fuckin' years old, mate.
How old are you, you little pipsqueak? Watch your false teeth.
Les won't let you down.
Too fucking right, I won't.
Tone, thanks for reaching out for me, brother.
I mean it.
Respect, huh? It's not like we're getting married or anything.
Isn't he gonna come back? He'll be coming after me next.
Fucking invading Baghdad, are we? You want a horse and cart, mate, huh? Alright.
Ooh! Which one's mine? They're both mine, numb-nuts.
You boys find him fast or I'm fucked, OK? How can you listen to this shit? Whoa, whoa, whoa, dawg, did you just touch my radio? Don't you fucking touch my radio.
This is my car, my wheels, my rules, big boy.
You call me 'dog', dipshit? Yeah, what? So what? Pull over.
Pull over.
Do it.
Do it.
What? Where? Oh! Huh? Oh, come on! Huh? Scared of the Weasel, hey? Hey? You should be 'cause I'm gonna fuck you up! Come on! Freeze! No-one Piss o Ohhh! Arrgghh! Fancy a beer? Fuck.
My shout.
Righto.
I'm picking up some serious stress vibes.
Oh, yeah.
It's just one of those 'brave face' days today, I'm afraid.
Come on.
Spill.
I just miss him sometimes.
Bugger him.
I can't stand what he's done.
What exactly did he do? Oh, it's just a mess, Brent.
It's just a mess.
Well, um this might help things out a little bit.
I've got a friend who owns a small business and he's looking for a bookkeeper.
Cash in hand, two days a week.
You'd be perfect.
Oh, wow! Er It's, er, I don't know if I actually could, you know, with the kids.
Come on.
Yes, you can.
You can do anything.
You're Supermum.
Fuck.
Hello? Howdy, Glen.
Who the fuck is this? Why don't you pop your noggin outside and have a quick look? But, er, do it gently, mate.
What the fuck?! Hey, boys! Boys, you wankers, help me! You dickheads! I'm gonna fucking sack the lot of you! Righto.
Just listen up, mate.
You owe us.
We both know that, OK? So I'm giving you 60 seconds to make a phone call.
400 grand in cash.
Yeah, you're not gonna do it, mate.
No way.
Fuck! Oh! Fuck! God! Please, mate! Hey, hey, it's not my car.
Yeah, no shit.
Do what the fuck you want to me but don't hurt the car.
Then apologise.
What for? For acting like a tough guy when you're just a playground bully.
You shouldn't pretend to be something you're not, Glen.
Believe you me, it only causes problems.
I'm sorry, mate.
Nah, look, bugger it.
Why don't we make it a round 500 grand, eh? And be nice to your workers, mate.
No-one likes an angry boss.
You've got five seconds.
It's your choice.
You're a genius.
Half a million? What did you do?! You know, had a quiet word.
Nothing sexier than a man who takes control.
It makes me weak at the knees.
I'm sorry I underestimated you.
Am I forgiven? You know the best part about it? Barry has no idea how much Glen kicked up.
South America, Mexico we could just disappear.
What? Just stiff Barry? After the way he spoke to me? We deserve a break.
Sunshine, tequila.
Nothing to do but eat and swim all day long.
You could have it all.
Or we could stay here we could stay here and run this crew the way it's supposed to be run.
It'd be a great life.
Real money, real power.
And I would fuck your brains out.
Your choice.
Hello, son.
Shit.
You scared me.
How's work? Yeah, good, good.
Busy.
There's nothing weird going on between Darlene and little Tony, is there? Nah.
Nothing about Tony giving a pass to some clown that owes me? Tones, he's doing business, same as ever.
You wouldn't lie to your old man, would you, son? Shit no, Dad.
I'm gonna shower.
I stink like shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, you do that.
What about Tony? Tony's weak.
And dangerous.
So's Barry.
Imagine if they somehow just turned on each other.
Think of the moves we could make.
We could have it all.
What, just you and me? Together? Dad! What?