Small Town News: KPVM Pahrump (2021) s01e05 Episode Script
Electile Dysfunction
1
(Wild West music playing)
Woman: Well howdy, you two.
-Gunman 1: You want to go have a drink? -Gunman 2: Hey.
-What? -What are you doing with my woman?
-Your woman? She's with me, boss. -Nuh-uh. She's mine.
I don't know what to say! Why don't you just shoot it out?
Deanna: Today's Election Day.
This election, we're a battleground state.
Let's have a little contest,
see which one of you hit it. Okay?
Deanna: It could mean make or break
for whoever wins this election.
So, we'll see what happens.
(gunshot)
Aye, chihuahua!
♪
-All: We are the Pahrump Gunfighters! -(cheering, shooting)
Man: I started the Pahrump Gunfighters in 2000.
We do a lot of stuff for the community here.
We tell the kids gun safety.
-I gots a gun! -Woman: Granny, what are you doing with that gun?
(gunshots)
Deanna: They also do like fundraisers,
and Toys For Tots,
and I want to make sure that they get publicity.
My preference, believe it or not,
is a double-barrel 12 gauge.
Like my dad always said,
"They can take my gun when they can pry it
from my cold, dead hand."
(laughs)
♪
He's our sheriff. Want to see him jump?
-Woo! -(laughter)
(cheering, laughing)
-Woo! -Deanna: Look at Granny!
Woo! Woo!
(laughter)
For an old gal, that ain't so bad, you know, was it?
Goodbye. Thank you.
(news theme playing)
♪
Alright. I'm gonna go down to the polls.
(patriotic music playing)
♪
(honk)
John: Hello, good evening, Nevada.
Happy Election Day. Did you get out and vote yet?
We're on location here at the Bob Ruud Community Center.
This is the polling place here in Pahrump,
and it is hopping today. Look at that line.
Goes all the way back,
so plan for that, maybe bring a sandwich or some water.
I don't know. But please come on out and vote,
and we're just feeling the excitement here.
-It's palpable. -Deanna: Okay, thanks. Perfect.
-(whistling) -(engine revving)
Deanna: The election is here, and tonight,
this is the first time that we'll be broadcasting
in Las Vegas, our live election night coverage.
-John: Do you like my Secret Service glasses? -Deanna: Yes.
(laughs)
Deanna: Gotta work a little bit extra,
trying to get the election night questions together
and things like that, and what we're gonna do.
Let's go see if anybody wanna talk.
Hey, good to see you.
Maybe I can get a little soundbite from you guys
on how the campaign's going.
Democrat: Uh, no! Get a hold of Molly.
Deanna: I've been calling everybody--
Democrat: We will not be doing any in-person anything.
That's a shame.
I would love to hear their views
because even though the owner of the station
leans, you know, very much conservative,
the news is trying to be as fair as we can.
I wish Biden would come down here and just fire.
Just like Trump, how he fires people. "You're fired."
♪
(wind blowing)
Ubaldo: We just need it up and running.
If it does not get up and running,
then we're kinda screwed.
I was surprised to find out that
I have guests in here.
Now I have to record and set up their mics,
and set up cameras for it and everything as well.
-Ronda: Did you get to vote? -No, can't.
Lines are way too long.
You have to go vote. (laughs)
This is, this is more nerve-wracking for me.
I'd rather have this go well.
-I'd rather have the right President of the United States. -(laughs)
♪
Vern: Is this expresso? Is this like real coffee,
-or is this decaf? -That's real espresso.
Oh shoot.
I'd be bouncing off the walls if I take that.
(drumming)
So, today's Election Day, so here we go.
Is it gonna be a landslide?
I think it is
because we need somebody
who's gonna build the country,
and that's what Trump stands for.
What are you gonna do if we lose?
I gotta start figuring out who we're gonna lay off.
'Cause the taxes are gonna get so high,
we're not gonna be able to pay them.
Ronda-- Ronda, do we need Vern?
-(laughter) -Right?
Vern: If Joe Biden does win,
the cost of operations
is going to increase on all levels.
So, businesses are not gonna advertise.
That hurts because being in a small town,
we only have so much revenue to draw from.
If you've been injured in an auto accident
He might be a nice guy.
Wouldn't mind going out yachting with him
and having a beer and, you know, chatting with him
and having a steak dinner. (scoffs)
I'd love to do that,
but he just is not business-minded.
Lights, I gotta fix it.
♪
This stinks really bad by the bathroom, guys.
-I thought it was my dog but it's not. -(loud horn honking)
Woo!
-Ronda: So, is Deanna here? -Yeah, she's right here.
Ronda: And they were treating her pretty bad?
-Yeah, that's what she said. I'll find out. -Deanna: Hey, Vern,
those people, the Democrats, want to complain about me.
Vern: How come? What happened?
'Cause I asked them for an interview, and they said no.
And then I said, "I just want to get a soundbite.
Can I just get a soundbite?"
-I'm trying to do a positive story. -Vern: Right.
Deanna does a great job
in going out and gathering the news.
She's very protective. It's her baby. And so,
when she does to the Democratic Party,
and they blow her off? That's rude.
And that really pissed me off.
Do they have an American flag up yet?
There's no American flag either.
Maybe I should go buy 'em one.
So, do you want me to go talk to them?
-Uh-- -Want me to be rough or you want me to be nice?
-Deanna: Don't fight with them! -Ronda: He won't.
Oh god, I don't want to stand by the septic system anymore.
Vern: So how are we doing?
She said that somebody says, "Vern there?
We wanna talk to Vern." It's like, alright. You can talk to Vern. I'm here.
You want me to get you a flag? I'll buy you a flag,
-American flag. -I have one, thank you.
Oh, you don't have one up though.
-I'll get you one. I'll bring it by. -Volunteer: No.
I'm good. I have one. Thank you!
-You sure? I'll pay for it. -Yeah, we don't want it.
-I don't need it, but thank you! -Vern: You sure?
-Man: Have a good one and stay safe. -I'll go get you a flag.
I'll be back with it. I'm gonna put it right here, okay?
The Biden campaign basically said
leave all the talking to corporate headquarters.
It's like, why?
I thought that was pretty unAmerican.
(mutters)
I don't get it. Whatever.
That's why you don't go into politics.
There's too many opinions.
It's like assholes. Everyone's got one.
I would've went down there and bought them a flag.
They didn't want it. They got defensive.
(man speaking)
Go fuck yourself.
Vern: What'd you do to your car?
-Some idiot hit me, hit and run. -Vern: Ryan,
you're the only guy I know that gets in an accident every six months.
He used to work for me.
He used to be one of my sales reps. He's a good guy, good kid.
-Ronda: He is, he really is. -Vern: He's a really good kid.
Vern: Oh shoot.
I voted for Bush.
-Did I make a mistake? -(laughs)
-I'm gonna call you tonight when we win. -Vern: That's fine.
You can call me. And you know what? When you call me,
I'm gonna thank you for paying my Medicare
the rest of my life.
And the expenses that I have
because at 60 years old, I can go down and claim tomorrow.
I get to sign up tomorrow for Medicare.
(laughs)
Okay.
-Oh, shut up. -Okay, alright.
-Ronda: Bye! -Vern: Bye, brother. Love you.
.-Ronda: We love Ryan. -Vern: He's voting for Biden.
Yes, he is, but that's okay.
That's why we're in the good old USA.
-That's right. -Vote for whoever you wanna vote for.
-Vern: I know. -Ronda: Alright, you ready?
Vern: I would've bought 'em a flag.
Ronda: They didn't want your freakin'--
I said I would've bought 'em a flag.
Ronda: I know you would've.
Vern: Their booth is unpatriotic.
Ronda: Okay, enough.
Ryan: I'm Ryan Muccio. I worked at KPVM
for four years as an account executive.
It was my first job here in Pahrump.
I left there for a better job,
and left that job for a better job.
And so Vern will say that he made me. (laughs)
When Vern and I, we get in arguments or fights,
I would just come out here and just chill for a while.
It's weird 'cause I hate the desert. (laughs)
Bugs.
I am a out gay liberal living in Pahrump.
It's rough. You know, I mean, it's Trump Town, USA.
And not to say that every Trump supporter is anti-gay,
'cause that's-- that's not true,
but the dating pool is--
(chuckles) is slim.
I did feel really a sense of family
when I was working at KPVM.
You know, I called Ronda Mama Duck,
and I felt safe.
Living in Pahrump is interesting
because you still have to be friends
with people you know don't have your same beliefs.
You know, four more years of Trump
as a gay person, as a gay liberal,
just as a human,
is scary to me. But,
you know, it's funny, too, because the other day,
I was wearing my Biden shirt,
and went to a local restaurant.
And the owner of the restaurant,
she saw it, and she secretly gave me
a thumbs up, like kind of covered her thumbs up.
So I think there is hope. I think there is. What?
A Craigslist ad for a unique housing offer
for a gay male in Pahrump.
Probably a bad idea.
250 bucks? Hell yeah.
♪
Reporter 1: Welcome back to CBS News election headquarters
in what is shaping up to be a nail-biter
of a presidential election.
We are just a few minutes away from the polls closing
My mascara's all smeared.
My goal is just to take the smeared mascara
and fix it by
putting other makeup on top of it,
so I have that cracked old lady look when I go to the desk.
Reporter 2: There is some concern about Nevada.
It's a very difficult state,
given the economic condition of it.
It relies on tourism. It's been struggling,
and its politics rely
Okay, so I've got about 45 seconds
of this for you.
The plan tonight is to go live, but to fill
with various features that we've had over
the past several months really leading up to the election,
so that if we need to fill time, they can always grab
for those kinds of features.
I'm just a clubhouse guy tonight. Um
-I'm here for fluffing -Missey: And pizza.
And pizza. (laughs)
I like mine with a lot of bacon.
Booyah.
We need to put history classes back in.
-Deanna: And then there he is. -Vern: High school.
What I'm seeing on the electoral college votes
right now, there's no history classes.
My daughter has a degree in history.
-Really? -She calls it "fun facts."
-Deanna: Fun facts. -I call it "expensive tuition." (laughs)
♪
Ronda: Deanna, two minutes!
Vern: Where am I at?
Ronda: Ubaldo, do a test for Frank
to see if he's okay. Just say testing, one, two, three.
-Testing, one, two, three. -Deanna: Joining us
at the desk during the live broadcast,
we have Frank Carbone, who is now
our county commissioner representing Republicans.
-Ubaldo: We're at two minutes. -Frank: You're in a high chair.
-And I'm in a low chair. -You are?
Do you want to change chairs? I think it's my ass.
It's not really higher. It's just my butt is bigger.
Alright, that's good.
(mumbling)
I know what I wanted, but I didn't know
what you wanted, so I thought I'd give you a choice.
I'll just take the one on top. (laughs)
Vern: as low as $5 for a commercial spot
Ubaldo: After these commercials are done,
we're gonna make you guys live.
Please don't read people's text messages,
and then report it as news.
Hang on, toots.
Deanna: And then we're supposed to also make Vern behave.
I wouldn't worry about it. Whatever happens happens.
This is live.
Ten seconds.
-Are you bringing us in? -Are you poking me?
No, I'm asking your attention.
-Are you bringing us in? -Yeah, I was gonna say some things.
-Ubaldo: Five, four, three, two -Man: One.
Announcer: KPVM TV, channel 25.3,
Las Vegas, Pahrump, Nevada.
-Ubaldo: Go! -Alright, welcome to KPVM TV.
We are here with your live election coverage.
Alright, so it's a race for 270 electoral votes,
and there are some numbers already rolling in from the East Coast.
Vern: Yeah, we do.
We've got some pretty good, interesting statistics
that are coming through.
Let me do a refresh on my computer.
Boom. Here we go. Here we go. There you go.
-It's back. -Deanna: Wow, we're in the big time.
(laughs)
Vern: When you see me, I don't look like
the million-dollar set.
I don't have the big glass desktops and stuff like that, you know.
But we're speaking to 3 million people, both Vegas and Pahrump.
So we tie a laptop into our main switcher
This is sophisticated technology here, folks.
so that we can show the audience how the race is going
by graphs and bars and stuff like that.
Vern's on some website. I don't know what the heck it is
Vern: This is Bing. I'm on Bing.
♪
Well, if you get it on Bing, it must be true. (laughs)
-And so those are the numbers that are coming in. -Oh! This just in.
We're gonna tell you some results from Nevada.
-We are? -(high): Yeah, we got some.
Okay. He's high-pitched now.
Vern: Now, this is really good.
This is only 0.8% reporting,
-but look what color it is in Nevada. -(gasps)
-Red. -Deanna: It looks kinda beigish.
(both laughing)
It's like a coloring book.
Deanna: Right now, we're gonna go to break, and then we're going
to show a couple of interviews that we have when we come back.
-Alright, roll it. -(music playing)
Vern: 2,700,000 people
in Las Vegas, Nevada, that can see this message right now.
-We're on break? -(commercial continues)
-We're on this. -Okay, how we doing, guys?
Vern: Advertise your business here for only $5 a spot
Deanna: Can you hand me my powder so I can--
'cause I might've gotten some sun today.
-That's what it looks like. -Where would you've been out in sun at?
I was beating up freaking Democrats
out in the freaking polls. That's what I do.
Ubaldo: Going back to Vern.
So, Vern, just be at the ready at any second.
Announcer: for any animal, from an aardvark to a zebra.
If you call Patty, you can set up a delivery
and have feed delivered right to your building.
And please, everybody, be safe out there.
-(news theme playing) -Ubaldo: Vern.
Vern: And welcome back, everybody, here to, uh
Pahrump, Nevada, and Las Vegas, Nevada.
Frank, why don't you go ahead and update us on what you have?
For district one, county commissioner
Dick-- Dick Gardner got 813 votes.
Vern: One thing I've learned over 23 years
on television and doing these shows live
is the information doesn't reach us very quickly.
It takes time, and so you have to fill time
just to make sure that
you're entertaining your audience,
so that they're not gonna change the channel.
School board, yeah, looks like Mr. Small at this point in time.
Larry Small is in the lead at this moment.
We have the town board, John Bosta
at, uh, 33,
uh, Budd at 35,
Kent Jasperson has
4,971 currently.
Kim Wanker right now, currently,
it's like 7,839,
and Robert Lane is at 7,732.
The Nye County school board trustee area five.
That's, uh Peterson.
Isn't that right? Peterson?
-Alright-- -Peterson and Henderson. Henson.
Alright. Anything else you got there, Vern?
Vern: The results are coming in very slowly,
and we're freaking getting hammered here,
and, you know, it's not-- it's just not a cool thing.
Deanna: Alright, Vern. Well, let's go to commercial.
Fantastic.
Announcer: When was the last time you had a mouthful of Big Dick's pizza?
(commercial continues)
Hey. What do you think?
I think, um
-(laughs) -"Dump Trump, Gays for Biden."
-High five. -High five!
-(laughs) -Hey, man, whatever you say.
-I want Vern to see it. -Vern: What've you got, Ry-Ry? You got a shirt on?
-Yeah, I wore it just for you. -Vern: "Dump Trump, Gays for Biden."
-(laughs) -Ryan: Whoo! Don't you love it?
-It's a sweet shirt. I like it. -Ryan: You wanna put it on?
No, I can't wear that shirt.
We're gonna get a picture together though.
-That's fine. I don't have a problem with that. -Ryan: Alright.
Woman: One, two, three!
-Okay, I got it. -(laughs)
-Darbie said that you wouldn't take a picture with me with it. -Oh no, why wouldn't I?
Deanna: Are we going back to air right now?
Ryan: Vern! I expect you to call me
-the second you find out Biden wins. -Vern: The final tally,
-Trump is gonna win by 273, so Trump wins. -Ryan: When Biden wins,
-you know my number! -Vern: Love you lots, brother.
Reporter: So, we're at that point in the night
where people are saying, should I brew myself a pot of coffee?
-Yes. Join us. -Absolutely. Yes!
-Do it. -And could you bring some pizza?
(laughter on television)
Reporter: It is very clear at this hour
we are not going to be able to project a winner tonight.
Ubaldo: Switching to you guys now. Three, two
-Alright, welcome back. -Alright, we're back. Hey.
How are you, Deanna? We had a great, great,
great photo op opportunity here between the break,
and at this point in time, you can see
the electoral college votes are pretty much
getting to the even mark. So,
I'm gonna basically say
Donald Trump will be your next president,
and it will probably be won
by 274 electoral college votes.
-Alright. -Let's wait till everything gets counted,
-and we'll know then. -That's right.
That's a bold prediction.
That's really throwing down, you know?
Hey, I'm just giving you numbers that people are calling in to me.
-Really good news source. -Every time I tell you, this is who
-people are telling me, so I'm just reading those. -What'd you say?
Okay. Trump won, Joe said.
-(laughs) -That's exactly what happened.
Alright, good night, everybody. Thank you, and thanks
-for enduring our fun. -So much fun. Thanks for joining us. Good night.
-(news theme playing) -Ubaldo: Cool, cool. You're all good. Thank you.
Announcer: At Pahrump Podiatry,
we're committed to the health of your feet.
I'm taking off my microphone.
♪
Vern: Trump won the election,
and I'm happy at the end of the night.
Thank you very much, Deanna. You did a fabulous job--
Deanna: Thank you. It was really good. Poor little Brian.
-I'm going to bed. -You're going to bed?
-(yawns) I'm gonna sleep. -I'm gonna go home
and have a Coors Light
and probably watch "The Bachelorette."
That's awful.
Vern: It's kind of interesting, you know?
It's really cool stuff.
Vern: Did I do okay? Was I too obnoxious?
-Ronda: Did you get obnoxious at some point? -Vern: I don't think I did.
(insects chirping)
Anchor: A lot of you are waking up right now,
and a lot has happened overnight.
No more cheating!
-(cars honking) -(cheering)
Supporter 1: Trump 2020!
Supporter 2: It's not right. It's not fair.
How about that? Don't the liberals like that?
"It's not fair."
(laughing)
Half of them cheat, obviously.
Deanna: Last night was embarrassing,
and I just kind of want to move on.
But we woke up the next day going,
nobody has an answer? There's no answer?
We ain't going down without a fight. That's all I gotta say.
♪
Just saying. I have had enough.
I got a frickin' migraine headache
going right through here.
I'm freaking out a little bit. It's on.
The coup,
the play-out is, is actually taking place.
I called Trump as the president that night, and he won.
He won. There's no doubt in my mind he won, and over the night,
you know, they changed the votes, and it went away.
I'm in a waiting game to see what happens.
-(Ronda laughs) -Make a wish.
Deanna: Welcome to News 25.
-I'm Deanna O'Donnell. -Missey: I'm Missey Kohler, and today is November 5th.
We're on location here at the Horizon store,
post-election. Fact, this is a great night if you're estranged
from a friend over social media or politics,
when everything is up in the air, nobody's got
the bragging rights. "You're stupid, and your guy lost!"
Ah! It's a great night to get a bottle of something nice
and split it with a friend
So, as soon as you find out they stole the election,
then let me know, okay?
-Alright, goodbye. Goodbye. -Alright, see you later.
And don't be giving me a hard time about Trump
because I'll give you a noogie.
Oh my freaking god! I don't even want to talk about it.
I gotta go. Bye, Deanna.
-Love you. -Pain in the ass.
Anchor: Joe Biden now closer to winning the White House.
At the same time, President Trump's path
to re-election has narrowed.
Vern: It's time
-that I -(paper crinkling)
♪
pull out the Bill of Rights.
-What America -(paper crinkling)
was founded on, you know?
It's time to post these in the hallway for people to read them.
The movie that really
depicts everything so well
I'm drawing a blank on the name of the movie.
"The Hunter Games."
I see "The Hunter Games" in the Biden administration,
and I see
America and opportunity
under Trump administration.
The 2020 Presidential Election will go into the books
with the highest voter turnout ever.
For more information on voter numbers and for a breakdown
of county numbers, visit silverstateelections.nv.gov.
Ubaldo: Sit up!
We'll be back with more News 25 after the break.
I thought you were gonna take it.
I completely forgot that we were doing a two-shot right then.
-(laughs) So, we'll be mack with more -Alright.
We'll be back with-- mack with more News 25 after the break.
Today, the presidential election was called
for former Vice President Joe Biden.
In a victory speech, Biden called it
a time to heal here in America, while
(continues, indistinct)
Vern: This is bad. This is really bad.
(interviewer speaking)
Vern: I sell. I lay everybody off.
It all comes down to money. It really does.
If I can't make a payment
one person's gone.
Can't make a payment, second person's gone.
I'm telling you. John, Missey, Eunette,
and the news department, it's gone.
Be there and be gone, and Deanna is gone.
I love all my employees,
but I now will have to lay off people.
And I'm fuckin' scared about it.
Deanna: Vern sent me a text.
It says,
"We're going to have to probably lay off the staff.
Also, Obiden is requiring masks."
And I said, "Okay."
I'm not sure who Obiden is, but
but.
♪
Vern: My stress levels are
off the charts.
I need a tune-up big time right now.
Here is Tom Hopkins'
"Sales Mastery: Personal Coaching System."
This was probably done in
'92 maybe.
Look at the paper's even yellow
from the times that I went through it.
Times change.
I'm 60, and you start thinking about things differently.
Tony Robbins, when he was much younger.
I've listened to these tapes
over and over and over and over.
All this has to be rewritten now because of
the jokers we've got in the White House.
I am now in the mental thought
of downsizing, which eliminates jobs.
If I was 35, 40 years old,
I can continue. But at 60,
it's not worth it to me anymore.
(phone ringing)
Hello? This is Vernon.
Hello?
Renee (on phone): Hi. My name is Renee,
and I wrote a book,
and I'm thinking of advertising it
because, you know, I'm, I'm a conservative,
and I watch mostly
-your station, and -Thank you very much. Where you located at?
-Renee: What's that? -Where are you located at?
Renee: I'm in Las Vegas.
♪
Vern: So I made an ad
Get your message here for only $5!
You're watching KPVM TV channel 25.3, Las Vegas, Pahrump.
and I was using my drone to shoot the highway,
and shoot the city, shoot all those shots,
and I put it on TV during the election night broadcast.
Vern (on TV): For only $5 a spot!
What we created delivered to us what we needed,
and that was advertisers.
Tell me about your book. I'd like to hear about your book.
Renee: Well, the name of my book
is "God's Glory."
♪
Vern: I don't know how it works, but God's looking over us, man.
It's a wake-up call.
That tells me
we have the audience in Vegas that never was there before.
I put a lot of energy into just building all that out,
and it's working.
I'm gonna get a representative to call you back.
-Renee: What's your name? So I can ask for you. -Yeah, I'm Vernon.
-Yeah, not a problem. I'm Vernon. -Renee: Bernie?
V-E-R-N-O-N.
Renee: Oh, uh, Vern.
There you go. Vern. You got it.
Today, we have a new administration
in the federal government,
and I'm very scared
for KPVM.
But, the point is
Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy,
Tom Hopkins taught me never quit.
And so, I will never ever give up.
Whenever you want to call me, just call me, okay?
-My line's available. -Renee: Okay. I--
-And you do the same. You call me any time. -Alright, man. Love you lots.
-Renee: Uh, okay. Uh, be safe out there. -Will do. Bye-bye.
♪
Vern, so hey. I'm calling
because Biden won.
Vern (on phone): It ain't over yet. Couple more months.
-Wait till, wait till-- -Ryan: What are you eating?
Vern: Onion potato chips. They're really good.
Ryan: So, will you at least admit that he's president?
Vern: No, he's not our president.
He's worse than Jimmy Carter.
Ryan: Why do you say that?
Vern: His peanuts aren't as good. (laughs)
(Ryan laughing)
Oh my god. Goodbye, Vern.
-Vern: I love you. -Ryan: Love you. Bye.
(Wild West music playing)
Woman: Well howdy, you two.
-Gunman 1: You want to go have a drink? -Gunman 2: Hey.
-What? -What are you doing with my woman?
-Your woman? She's with me, boss. -Nuh-uh. She's mine.
I don't know what to say! Why don't you just shoot it out?
Deanna: Today's Election Day.
This election, we're a battleground state.
Let's have a little contest,
see which one of you hit it. Okay?
Deanna: It could mean make or break
for whoever wins this election.
So, we'll see what happens.
(gunshot)
Aye, chihuahua!
♪
-All: We are the Pahrump Gunfighters! -(cheering, shooting)
Man: I started the Pahrump Gunfighters in 2000.
We do a lot of stuff for the community here.
We tell the kids gun safety.
-I gots a gun! -Woman: Granny, what are you doing with that gun?
(gunshots)
Deanna: They also do like fundraisers,
and Toys For Tots,
and I want to make sure that they get publicity.
My preference, believe it or not,
is a double-barrel 12 gauge.
Like my dad always said,
"They can take my gun when they can pry it
from my cold, dead hand."
(laughs)
♪
He's our sheriff. Want to see him jump?
-Woo! -(laughter)
(cheering, laughing)
-Woo! -Deanna: Look at Granny!
Woo! Woo!
(laughter)
For an old gal, that ain't so bad, you know, was it?
Goodbye. Thank you.
(news theme playing)
♪
Alright. I'm gonna go down to the polls.
(patriotic music playing)
♪
(honk)
John: Hello, good evening, Nevada.
Happy Election Day. Did you get out and vote yet?
We're on location here at the Bob Ruud Community Center.
This is the polling place here in Pahrump,
and it is hopping today. Look at that line.
Goes all the way back,
so plan for that, maybe bring a sandwich or some water.
I don't know. But please come on out and vote,
and we're just feeling the excitement here.
-It's palpable. -Deanna: Okay, thanks. Perfect.
-(whistling) -(engine revving)
Deanna: The election is here, and tonight,
this is the first time that we'll be broadcasting
in Las Vegas, our live election night coverage.
-John: Do you like my Secret Service glasses? -Deanna: Yes.
(laughs)
Deanna: Gotta work a little bit extra,
trying to get the election night questions together
and things like that, and what we're gonna do.
Let's go see if anybody wanna talk.
Hey, good to see you.
Maybe I can get a little soundbite from you guys
on how the campaign's going.
Democrat: Uh, no! Get a hold of Molly.
Deanna: I've been calling everybody--
Democrat: We will not be doing any in-person anything.
That's a shame.
I would love to hear their views
because even though the owner of the station
leans, you know, very much conservative,
the news is trying to be as fair as we can.
I wish Biden would come down here and just fire.
Just like Trump, how he fires people. "You're fired."
♪
(wind blowing)
Ubaldo: We just need it up and running.
If it does not get up and running,
then we're kinda screwed.
I was surprised to find out that
I have guests in here.
Now I have to record and set up their mics,
and set up cameras for it and everything as well.
-Ronda: Did you get to vote? -No, can't.
Lines are way too long.
You have to go vote. (laughs)
This is, this is more nerve-wracking for me.
I'd rather have this go well.
-I'd rather have the right President of the United States. -(laughs)
♪
Vern: Is this expresso? Is this like real coffee,
-or is this decaf? -That's real espresso.
Oh shoot.
I'd be bouncing off the walls if I take that.
(drumming)
So, today's Election Day, so here we go.
Is it gonna be a landslide?
I think it is
because we need somebody
who's gonna build the country,
and that's what Trump stands for.
What are you gonna do if we lose?
I gotta start figuring out who we're gonna lay off.
'Cause the taxes are gonna get so high,
we're not gonna be able to pay them.
Ronda-- Ronda, do we need Vern?
-(laughter) -Right?
Vern: If Joe Biden does win,
the cost of operations
is going to increase on all levels.
So, businesses are not gonna advertise.
That hurts because being in a small town,
we only have so much revenue to draw from.
If you've been injured in an auto accident
He might be a nice guy.
Wouldn't mind going out yachting with him
and having a beer and, you know, chatting with him
and having a steak dinner. (scoffs)
I'd love to do that,
but he just is not business-minded.
Lights, I gotta fix it.
♪
This stinks really bad by the bathroom, guys.
-I thought it was my dog but it's not. -(loud horn honking)
Woo!
-Ronda: So, is Deanna here? -Yeah, she's right here.
Ronda: And they were treating her pretty bad?
-Yeah, that's what she said. I'll find out. -Deanna: Hey, Vern,
those people, the Democrats, want to complain about me.
Vern: How come? What happened?
'Cause I asked them for an interview, and they said no.
And then I said, "I just want to get a soundbite.
Can I just get a soundbite?"
-I'm trying to do a positive story. -Vern: Right.
Deanna does a great job
in going out and gathering the news.
She's very protective. It's her baby. And so,
when she does to the Democratic Party,
and they blow her off? That's rude.
And that really pissed me off.
Do they have an American flag up yet?
There's no American flag either.
Maybe I should go buy 'em one.
So, do you want me to go talk to them?
-Uh-- -Want me to be rough or you want me to be nice?
-Deanna: Don't fight with them! -Ronda: He won't.
Oh god, I don't want to stand by the septic system anymore.
Vern: So how are we doing?
She said that somebody says, "Vern there?
We wanna talk to Vern." It's like, alright. You can talk to Vern. I'm here.
You want me to get you a flag? I'll buy you a flag,
-American flag. -I have one, thank you.
Oh, you don't have one up though.
-I'll get you one. I'll bring it by. -Volunteer: No.
I'm good. I have one. Thank you!
-You sure? I'll pay for it. -Yeah, we don't want it.
-I don't need it, but thank you! -Vern: You sure?
-Man: Have a good one and stay safe. -I'll go get you a flag.
I'll be back with it. I'm gonna put it right here, okay?
The Biden campaign basically said
leave all the talking to corporate headquarters.
It's like, why?
I thought that was pretty unAmerican.
(mutters)
I don't get it. Whatever.
That's why you don't go into politics.
There's too many opinions.
It's like assholes. Everyone's got one.
I would've went down there and bought them a flag.
They didn't want it. They got defensive.
(man speaking)
Go fuck yourself.
Vern: What'd you do to your car?
-Some idiot hit me, hit and run. -Vern: Ryan,
you're the only guy I know that gets in an accident every six months.
He used to work for me.
He used to be one of my sales reps. He's a good guy, good kid.
-Ronda: He is, he really is. -Vern: He's a really good kid.
Vern: Oh shoot.
I voted for Bush.
-Did I make a mistake? -(laughs)
-I'm gonna call you tonight when we win. -Vern: That's fine.
You can call me. And you know what? When you call me,
I'm gonna thank you for paying my Medicare
the rest of my life.
And the expenses that I have
because at 60 years old, I can go down and claim tomorrow.
I get to sign up tomorrow for Medicare.
(laughs)
Okay.
-Oh, shut up. -Okay, alright.
-Ronda: Bye! -Vern: Bye, brother. Love you.
.-Ronda: We love Ryan. -Vern: He's voting for Biden.
Yes, he is, but that's okay.
That's why we're in the good old USA.
-That's right. -Vote for whoever you wanna vote for.
-Vern: I know. -Ronda: Alright, you ready?
Vern: I would've bought 'em a flag.
Ronda: They didn't want your freakin'--
I said I would've bought 'em a flag.
Ronda: I know you would've.
Vern: Their booth is unpatriotic.
Ronda: Okay, enough.
Ryan: I'm Ryan Muccio. I worked at KPVM
for four years as an account executive.
It was my first job here in Pahrump.
I left there for a better job,
and left that job for a better job.
And so Vern will say that he made me. (laughs)
When Vern and I, we get in arguments or fights,
I would just come out here and just chill for a while.
It's weird 'cause I hate the desert. (laughs)
Bugs.
I am a out gay liberal living in Pahrump.
It's rough. You know, I mean, it's Trump Town, USA.
And not to say that every Trump supporter is anti-gay,
'cause that's-- that's not true,
but the dating pool is--
(chuckles) is slim.
I did feel really a sense of family
when I was working at KPVM.
You know, I called Ronda Mama Duck,
and I felt safe.
Living in Pahrump is interesting
because you still have to be friends
with people you know don't have your same beliefs.
You know, four more years of Trump
as a gay person, as a gay liberal,
just as a human,
is scary to me. But,
you know, it's funny, too, because the other day,
I was wearing my Biden shirt,
and went to a local restaurant.
And the owner of the restaurant,
she saw it, and she secretly gave me
a thumbs up, like kind of covered her thumbs up.
So I think there is hope. I think there is. What?
A Craigslist ad for a unique housing offer
for a gay male in Pahrump.
Probably a bad idea.
250 bucks? Hell yeah.
♪
Reporter 1: Welcome back to CBS News election headquarters
in what is shaping up to be a nail-biter
of a presidential election.
We are just a few minutes away from the polls closing
My mascara's all smeared.
My goal is just to take the smeared mascara
and fix it by
putting other makeup on top of it,
so I have that cracked old lady look when I go to the desk.
Reporter 2: There is some concern about Nevada.
It's a very difficult state,
given the economic condition of it.
It relies on tourism. It's been struggling,
and its politics rely
Okay, so I've got about 45 seconds
of this for you.
The plan tonight is to go live, but to fill
with various features that we've had over
the past several months really leading up to the election,
so that if we need to fill time, they can always grab
for those kinds of features.
I'm just a clubhouse guy tonight. Um
-I'm here for fluffing -Missey: And pizza.
And pizza. (laughs)
I like mine with a lot of bacon.
Booyah.
We need to put history classes back in.
-Deanna: And then there he is. -Vern: High school.
What I'm seeing on the electoral college votes
right now, there's no history classes.
My daughter has a degree in history.
-Really? -She calls it "fun facts."
-Deanna: Fun facts. -I call it "expensive tuition." (laughs)
♪
Ronda: Deanna, two minutes!
Vern: Where am I at?
Ronda: Ubaldo, do a test for Frank
to see if he's okay. Just say testing, one, two, three.
-Testing, one, two, three. -Deanna: Joining us
at the desk during the live broadcast,
we have Frank Carbone, who is now
our county commissioner representing Republicans.
-Ubaldo: We're at two minutes. -Frank: You're in a high chair.
-And I'm in a low chair. -You are?
Do you want to change chairs? I think it's my ass.
It's not really higher. It's just my butt is bigger.
Alright, that's good.
(mumbling)
I know what I wanted, but I didn't know
what you wanted, so I thought I'd give you a choice.
I'll just take the one on top. (laughs)
Vern: as low as $5 for a commercial spot
Ubaldo: After these commercials are done,
we're gonna make you guys live.
Please don't read people's text messages,
and then report it as news.
Hang on, toots.
Deanna: And then we're supposed to also make Vern behave.
I wouldn't worry about it. Whatever happens happens.
This is live.
Ten seconds.
-Are you bringing us in? -Are you poking me?
No, I'm asking your attention.
-Are you bringing us in? -Yeah, I was gonna say some things.
-Ubaldo: Five, four, three, two -Man: One.
Announcer: KPVM TV, channel 25.3,
Las Vegas, Pahrump, Nevada.
-Ubaldo: Go! -Alright, welcome to KPVM TV.
We are here with your live election coverage.
Alright, so it's a race for 270 electoral votes,
and there are some numbers already rolling in from the East Coast.
Vern: Yeah, we do.
We've got some pretty good, interesting statistics
that are coming through.
Let me do a refresh on my computer.
Boom. Here we go. Here we go. There you go.
-It's back. -Deanna: Wow, we're in the big time.
(laughs)
Vern: When you see me, I don't look like
the million-dollar set.
I don't have the big glass desktops and stuff like that, you know.
But we're speaking to 3 million people, both Vegas and Pahrump.
So we tie a laptop into our main switcher
This is sophisticated technology here, folks.
so that we can show the audience how the race is going
by graphs and bars and stuff like that.
Vern's on some website. I don't know what the heck it is
Vern: This is Bing. I'm on Bing.
♪
Well, if you get it on Bing, it must be true. (laughs)
-And so those are the numbers that are coming in. -Oh! This just in.
We're gonna tell you some results from Nevada.
-We are? -(high): Yeah, we got some.
Okay. He's high-pitched now.
Vern: Now, this is really good.
This is only 0.8% reporting,
-but look what color it is in Nevada. -(gasps)
-Red. -Deanna: It looks kinda beigish.
(both laughing)
It's like a coloring book.
Deanna: Right now, we're gonna go to break, and then we're going
to show a couple of interviews that we have when we come back.
-Alright, roll it. -(music playing)
Vern: 2,700,000 people
in Las Vegas, Nevada, that can see this message right now.
-We're on break? -(commercial continues)
-We're on this. -Okay, how we doing, guys?
Vern: Advertise your business here for only $5 a spot
Deanna: Can you hand me my powder so I can--
'cause I might've gotten some sun today.
-That's what it looks like. -Where would you've been out in sun at?
I was beating up freaking Democrats
out in the freaking polls. That's what I do.
Ubaldo: Going back to Vern.
So, Vern, just be at the ready at any second.
Announcer: for any animal, from an aardvark to a zebra.
If you call Patty, you can set up a delivery
and have feed delivered right to your building.
And please, everybody, be safe out there.
-(news theme playing) -Ubaldo: Vern.
Vern: And welcome back, everybody, here to, uh
Pahrump, Nevada, and Las Vegas, Nevada.
Frank, why don't you go ahead and update us on what you have?
For district one, county commissioner
Dick-- Dick Gardner got 813 votes.
Vern: One thing I've learned over 23 years
on television and doing these shows live
is the information doesn't reach us very quickly.
It takes time, and so you have to fill time
just to make sure that
you're entertaining your audience,
so that they're not gonna change the channel.
School board, yeah, looks like Mr. Small at this point in time.
Larry Small is in the lead at this moment.
We have the town board, John Bosta
at, uh, 33,
uh, Budd at 35,
Kent Jasperson has
4,971 currently.
Kim Wanker right now, currently,
it's like 7,839,
and Robert Lane is at 7,732.
The Nye County school board trustee area five.
That's, uh Peterson.
Isn't that right? Peterson?
-Alright-- -Peterson and Henderson. Henson.
Alright. Anything else you got there, Vern?
Vern: The results are coming in very slowly,
and we're freaking getting hammered here,
and, you know, it's not-- it's just not a cool thing.
Deanna: Alright, Vern. Well, let's go to commercial.
Fantastic.
Announcer: When was the last time you had a mouthful of Big Dick's pizza?
(commercial continues)
Hey. What do you think?
I think, um
-(laughs) -"Dump Trump, Gays for Biden."
-High five. -High five!
-(laughs) -Hey, man, whatever you say.
-I want Vern to see it. -Vern: What've you got, Ry-Ry? You got a shirt on?
-Yeah, I wore it just for you. -Vern: "Dump Trump, Gays for Biden."
-(laughs) -Ryan: Whoo! Don't you love it?
-It's a sweet shirt. I like it. -Ryan: You wanna put it on?
No, I can't wear that shirt.
We're gonna get a picture together though.
-That's fine. I don't have a problem with that. -Ryan: Alright.
Woman: One, two, three!
-Okay, I got it. -(laughs)
-Darbie said that you wouldn't take a picture with me with it. -Oh no, why wouldn't I?
Deanna: Are we going back to air right now?
Ryan: Vern! I expect you to call me
-the second you find out Biden wins. -Vern: The final tally,
-Trump is gonna win by 273, so Trump wins. -Ryan: When Biden wins,
-you know my number! -Vern: Love you lots, brother.
Reporter: So, we're at that point in the night
where people are saying, should I brew myself a pot of coffee?
-Yes. Join us. -Absolutely. Yes!
-Do it. -And could you bring some pizza?
(laughter on television)
Reporter: It is very clear at this hour
we are not going to be able to project a winner tonight.
Ubaldo: Switching to you guys now. Three, two
-Alright, welcome back. -Alright, we're back. Hey.
How are you, Deanna? We had a great, great,
great photo op opportunity here between the break,
and at this point in time, you can see
the electoral college votes are pretty much
getting to the even mark. So,
I'm gonna basically say
Donald Trump will be your next president,
and it will probably be won
by 274 electoral college votes.
-Alright. -Let's wait till everything gets counted,
-and we'll know then. -That's right.
That's a bold prediction.
That's really throwing down, you know?
Hey, I'm just giving you numbers that people are calling in to me.
-Really good news source. -Every time I tell you, this is who
-people are telling me, so I'm just reading those. -What'd you say?
Okay. Trump won, Joe said.
-(laughs) -That's exactly what happened.
Alright, good night, everybody. Thank you, and thanks
-for enduring our fun. -So much fun. Thanks for joining us. Good night.
-(news theme playing) -Ubaldo: Cool, cool. You're all good. Thank you.
Announcer: At Pahrump Podiatry,
we're committed to the health of your feet.
I'm taking off my microphone.
♪
Vern: Trump won the election,
and I'm happy at the end of the night.
Thank you very much, Deanna. You did a fabulous job--
Deanna: Thank you. It was really good. Poor little Brian.
-I'm going to bed. -You're going to bed?
-(yawns) I'm gonna sleep. -I'm gonna go home
and have a Coors Light
and probably watch "The Bachelorette."
That's awful.
Vern: It's kind of interesting, you know?
It's really cool stuff.
Vern: Did I do okay? Was I too obnoxious?
-Ronda: Did you get obnoxious at some point? -Vern: I don't think I did.
(insects chirping)
Anchor: A lot of you are waking up right now,
and a lot has happened overnight.
No more cheating!
-(cars honking) -(cheering)
Supporter 1: Trump 2020!
Supporter 2: It's not right. It's not fair.
How about that? Don't the liberals like that?
"It's not fair."
(laughing)
Half of them cheat, obviously.
Deanna: Last night was embarrassing,
and I just kind of want to move on.
But we woke up the next day going,
nobody has an answer? There's no answer?
We ain't going down without a fight. That's all I gotta say.
♪
Just saying. I have had enough.
I got a frickin' migraine headache
going right through here.
I'm freaking out a little bit. It's on.
The coup,
the play-out is, is actually taking place.
I called Trump as the president that night, and he won.
He won. There's no doubt in my mind he won, and over the night,
you know, they changed the votes, and it went away.
I'm in a waiting game to see what happens.
-(Ronda laughs) -Make a wish.
Deanna: Welcome to News 25.
-I'm Deanna O'Donnell. -Missey: I'm Missey Kohler, and today is November 5th.
We're on location here at the Horizon store,
post-election. Fact, this is a great night if you're estranged
from a friend over social media or politics,
when everything is up in the air, nobody's got
the bragging rights. "You're stupid, and your guy lost!"
Ah! It's a great night to get a bottle of something nice
and split it with a friend
So, as soon as you find out they stole the election,
then let me know, okay?
-Alright, goodbye. Goodbye. -Alright, see you later.
And don't be giving me a hard time about Trump
because I'll give you a noogie.
Oh my freaking god! I don't even want to talk about it.
I gotta go. Bye, Deanna.
-Love you. -Pain in the ass.
Anchor: Joe Biden now closer to winning the White House.
At the same time, President Trump's path
to re-election has narrowed.
Vern: It's time
-that I -(paper crinkling)
♪
pull out the Bill of Rights.
-What America -(paper crinkling)
was founded on, you know?
It's time to post these in the hallway for people to read them.
The movie that really
depicts everything so well
I'm drawing a blank on the name of the movie.
"The Hunter Games."
I see "The Hunter Games" in the Biden administration,
and I see
America and opportunity
under Trump administration.
The 2020 Presidential Election will go into the books
with the highest voter turnout ever.
For more information on voter numbers and for a breakdown
of county numbers, visit silverstateelections.nv.gov.
Ubaldo: Sit up!
We'll be back with more News 25 after the break.
I thought you were gonna take it.
I completely forgot that we were doing a two-shot right then.
-(laughs) So, we'll be mack with more -Alright.
We'll be back with-- mack with more News 25 after the break.
Today, the presidential election was called
for former Vice President Joe Biden.
In a victory speech, Biden called it
a time to heal here in America, while
(continues, indistinct)
Vern: This is bad. This is really bad.
(interviewer speaking)
Vern: I sell. I lay everybody off.
It all comes down to money. It really does.
If I can't make a payment
one person's gone.
Can't make a payment, second person's gone.
I'm telling you. John, Missey, Eunette,
and the news department, it's gone.
Be there and be gone, and Deanna is gone.
I love all my employees,
but I now will have to lay off people.
And I'm fuckin' scared about it.
Deanna: Vern sent me a text.
It says,
"We're going to have to probably lay off the staff.
Also, Obiden is requiring masks."
And I said, "Okay."
I'm not sure who Obiden is, but
but.
♪
Vern: My stress levels are
off the charts.
I need a tune-up big time right now.
Here is Tom Hopkins'
"Sales Mastery: Personal Coaching System."
This was probably done in
'92 maybe.
Look at the paper's even yellow
from the times that I went through it.
Times change.
I'm 60, and you start thinking about things differently.
Tony Robbins, when he was much younger.
I've listened to these tapes
over and over and over and over.
All this has to be rewritten now because of
the jokers we've got in the White House.
I am now in the mental thought
of downsizing, which eliminates jobs.
If I was 35, 40 years old,
I can continue. But at 60,
it's not worth it to me anymore.
(phone ringing)
Hello? This is Vernon.
Hello?
Renee (on phone): Hi. My name is Renee,
and I wrote a book,
and I'm thinking of advertising it
because, you know, I'm, I'm a conservative,
and I watch mostly
-your station, and -Thank you very much. Where you located at?
-Renee: What's that? -Where are you located at?
Renee: I'm in Las Vegas.
♪
Vern: So I made an ad
Get your message here for only $5!
You're watching KPVM TV channel 25.3, Las Vegas, Pahrump.
and I was using my drone to shoot the highway,
and shoot the city, shoot all those shots,
and I put it on TV during the election night broadcast.
Vern (on TV): For only $5 a spot!
What we created delivered to us what we needed,
and that was advertisers.
Tell me about your book. I'd like to hear about your book.
Renee: Well, the name of my book
is "God's Glory."
♪
Vern: I don't know how it works, but God's looking over us, man.
It's a wake-up call.
That tells me
we have the audience in Vegas that never was there before.
I put a lot of energy into just building all that out,
and it's working.
I'm gonna get a representative to call you back.
-Renee: What's your name? So I can ask for you. -Yeah, I'm Vernon.
-Yeah, not a problem. I'm Vernon. -Renee: Bernie?
V-E-R-N-O-N.
Renee: Oh, uh, Vern.
There you go. Vern. You got it.
Today, we have a new administration
in the federal government,
and I'm very scared
for KPVM.
But, the point is
Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy,
Tom Hopkins taught me never quit.
And so, I will never ever give up.
Whenever you want to call me, just call me, okay?
-My line's available. -Renee: Okay. I--
-And you do the same. You call me any time. -Alright, man. Love you lots.
-Renee: Uh, okay. Uh, be safe out there. -Will do. Bye-bye.
♪
Vern, so hey. I'm calling
because Biden won.
Vern (on phone): It ain't over yet. Couple more months.
-Wait till, wait till-- -Ryan: What are you eating?
Vern: Onion potato chips. They're really good.
Ryan: So, will you at least admit that he's president?
Vern: No, he's not our president.
He's worse than Jimmy Carter.
Ryan: Why do you say that?
Vern: His peanuts aren't as good. (laughs)
(Ryan laughing)
Oh my god. Goodbye, Vern.
-Vern: I love you. -Ryan: Love you. Bye.