Smash s01e05 Episode Script
Let's Be Bad
Previously on "Smash".
Welcome to Marilyn.
How come nobody told me she was going to be here? Derek didn't tell you? Why don't we ever go to your place? Shimmy, shimmy, oh, gimme, gimme She's just She's right next to me, and she's just a little bit loud.
She's trying to get me fired.
All I need is $200,000.
That's it.
- I have a date.
- Yay, mom.
[Big-band jazz music.]
I had an affair with Michael Swift, and no one else can know.
Scott, a few things I need you to move Amelia to Friday, apologize for the late notice.
Uh, we need to RSVP for the moma event.
And, uh, I still haven't seen those pages from Julia.
Okay, um, this is awkward.
What's awkward? Oh, man, well, Jerry I work for Jerry now.
He made me a very generous offer, and I've accepted.
Eileen? Yes, Scott.
I just wanted to thank you for all the opportunities that you [Receiver thuds.]
[Overlapping chatter.]
Karen, can I borrow you for a minute? Uh, yeah, sure.
What do you need? I could use a hand.
The bridge sequence from Let's be bad isn't working.
- Okay, should I? - Just follow me.
Oh, come on, just relax.
What are you afraid of? I'm not afraid of anything.
Well, we both know that's not true.
Meaning what? You're afraid of you.
You're terrified of anything below the neck.
You have some problem with follow-through.
And again.
Oh, my God, Frank, you poor thing.
What, they can't get you out on another flight? We have a workshop in 13 days, and we still don't have a final script.
There are three new scenes that are coming along great.
She just doesn't want to show anyone.
You've read them.
Oh, Julia and I share the same brain.
Talking to me is like talking to myself, so I don't count.
- 13 days, Tom.
- I'll tell her.
- Hey.
- Hello? Sorry.
Are you making a call? No, it's just, uh, Frank.
I keep losing him.
Um, what's up? I just read the hotel scene, with Marilyn and DiMaggio after the Seven year itch shoot.
- Uh-oh.
- [Laughs.]
I had a couple of questions.
Can we find a time to talk, maybe after rehearsal? [Cell phone rings.]
Oh.
Hello? Oh, this connection is so bad.
Frank, I'll call you back! So do you want to work tonight? I'm supposed to see John, but I could easily cancel.
Oh, my God, you are not bailing on this guy.
This is so you.
Ten minutes ago, you liked him.
Now what? What what's his flaw? He's a lawyer.
I'm not gonna wind up with a lawyer.
- Go on a date.
- And he says "wow" a lot.
Oh, please.
Hon? Hon? Wait.
On which flight? Oh, you're breaking up.
I can't hear you.
Am I late? No.
Karen was early.
Okay, everyone, our Marilyn's here.
Let's do Let's be bad.
We'll take it from the top.
- Josh, please.
- Everybody up.
[Piano music.]
I don't know why I went to law school.
My dad's a lawyer, and my brother's a lawyer, two of my uncles.
I guess it's in the genes.
[Cell phone chimes.]
Last time, I promise.
Sorry.
I have a very anxious producer on my hands.
Is that the one I met? Very hermes? Right now she is stalking me about the script, when it's really Julia Sorry.
You were in the middle of What were you in the middle of? I just don't want DiMaggio to come off as a complete tool where we're not rooting for him to come back into Marilyn's life.
Well, that's a murky issue, isn't it? What's murky? I mean, the guy might not have been husband of the year, but he was the love of her life.
That's just not necessarily the show I'm writing.
The guy sprung her from the loony bin and planned her funeral.
If he's not the guy, who is? It's not just a love story.
I'm trying to explore some bigger themes.
What's bigger than love? So was that it? Were those all your notes? [Laughs.]
I like to think of them more as thoughts.
Am I not allowed to share my thoughts with you anymore? Mm-mm.
No, don't worry.
I will take care of Mr.
DiMaggio.
He will not be a villain.
[Cell phone rings.]
That Frank? Oh.
No, it's a weird number.
I don't know who it is.
What's he off doing, anyway? Um, a teaching retreat, to get recertified.
He took so many years off.
They do a kind of brush-up program in Berkeley.
I kind of hate you for ordering this.
[Laughs.]
Nothing's really speaking to me here, but we can go back to my place for a nightcap.
You know, I'm pretty tired.
Okay.
So are we not ever having sex? Are we just friends? [Laughs.]
Uh [Cell phone plays melodic ringtone.]
I am not avoiding your question, but it's a weird number.
I better hello? - Are you with my mom? - No, what's up? I-I'm sorry to bug you, but I can't find her, and my dad's out of town, and I kind of got arrested.
Sit tight.
I'm on my way.
What kind of lawyer are you again? [Orchestra tuning up.]
[Conductor's baton taps.]
Explain to me again: Why he was arrested if it was the other kid who was smoking pot with a - What do you call it? - Vaporizer.
I don't even know what that is.
It's a battery-operated bong.
May I? Thanks.
John Goodwin.
I'm an attorney.
Um, help me out here.
Was this boy in possession of the marijuana when you approached? No.
Was he in possession of the vaporizer when you approached? No.
Why is he cuffed if he hasn't even been arrested? - Because - What are the charges? I'm waiting to hear the charges.
- Loitering for drugs.
- Oh, come on.
We both know you can never make that stick.
It's going to stick with this one.
He was giving me an attitude.
All I said was, I have the right to remain silent.
Isn't that my constitutional right? Leo, this is NCSI.
You're gonna let me do the talking, or you're gonna spend the night in jail.
So other than enjoying the park on a beautiful day, adjacent to what so far has the flimsiest chance of being proven as illegal activity, has this minor, who has no priors, done anything in defiance of the law? So there's some chatter going on I thought you should know about.
I'm listening.
You're not a lock for that promotion.
They're looking at someone else for press secretary.
- Who? - I don't know yet Someone from Washington.
- Sorry to interrupt.
- Oh, hey.
Karen, this is R.
J.
Oh, hey.
It's nice to meet you, finally.
I've heard only great things.
You're R.
J.
Quigley, the New York Times reporter I'm always complaining about.
- [Laughs.]
- Of course.
That's so funny.
I always thought "R.
J.
" stood for Ralph Johnson or something.
[Chuckles.]
Rakhshan Afshin-Jam, an iranian mouthful.
- Sort of like Devamadana.
- Right, exactly.
Don't get me started on the middle name.
Well, this was fun, but some of us have deadlines.
See you later.
I always pictured a fat white guy with bad teeth.
Yeah.
Not accurate.
I see that.
So noodletown again? [Cell phone chimes.]
Don't be mad, but, um I don't think I can do dinner tonight.
I, uh I need to deal with this.
You actually haven't told me what you're dealing with.
Well, I don't know yet.
That's why it's good to have crafty reporters on your side.
I'll see you at home, yeah? Bye.
She does seem crafty.
She's gonna kill me, and then when she's done, she's gonna kill me again.
I am so dead.
She's gonna kill me twice I'm so dead [Gasps.]
So dead I wish I'd gone to the movies instead It wasn't my idea, and I wasn't even smoking.
I wasn't even smoking, I was really only joking my intentions I'll be cloaking something something toking stop.
- Leo? - We're in here.
I just heard my messages! What on earth? It's not that big a deal.
You were arrested for smoking pot in Central Park, and that's not a big deal? I would love to hear how that is not a big deal! He wasn't arrested.
John got him off with a bench warrant.
He was amazing.
You should have seen him.
- What were you thinking? - Don't know.
Mason said he wanted to, and the next thing I know, the cops were there, and then I couldn't find you.
I was in a work session and No, you don't get to be pissed.
I get to be pissed.
I can't believe you did is! You are so epically grounded! Please don't lose it.
I know I was stupid.
I know.
[Scoffs.]
Can I just go to bed now? Yes.
[Sighs.]
We're not done.
[Sighs.]
[Door closes.]
So where were you? Talking with Michael about the script.
Oh, for crying out loud.
He had some smart ideas, and I resent your tone.
My tone? Your tone is the one screaming "guilty.
" - It is not.
- Guilty.
- No.
- Guilty.
- No.
- So guilty No, I was eat I was [Sighs.]
I was eating ice cream and apple pie, and we were talking.
- Guilty.
- No.
- Look at me.
- [Sighs.]
Your kid was just arrested, and you missed it because you were too busy [whispering.]
flirting with your ex-boyfriend.
[Normal voice.]
You're playing with fire, and this was your wake-up call.
Okay? That's it! That's my password! Why are you torturing me? [Knocks on door.]
Come in.
It's open.
Special delivery.
Here is that book that Tom wanted you to look at.
Ooh, look, the Marilyn memoir And I can open it without a password.
How quaint.
[Chuckles.]
I'm pretty good with a computer, if you need some help.
- Please.
- Sure.
It's actually perfect timing.
Tom's in a holding pattern while Julia catches up with her pages.
How are those pages coming, Ellis? We're only 12 days out, you know.
Seriously, John, without you, I'd still be trying to tap-dance Leo out of jail.
Anyhoo, um, I'd love to finish our date, so give me a call.
Heartbreaker last night, huh? The game, knicks/lakers Last five seconds, kobe Bryant, three-pointer? This nothing? You don't? I don't.
[Clears throat.]
That's not my I'm sorry.
We haven't met yet.
I'm Tom.
I'm Sam.
Sam, sports are anathema to me.
Even the Knicks, huh? Weird, huh? Nice to meet you.
[Overlapping chatter.]
Okay, guys, it's time.
Hurry up, please.
Let's take it from the end of the first verse, please.
[Piano music.]
If you say something is taboo well, that's the thing I want to do do it till we're black and blue let's be bad guns and gangsters suit me fine Al Capone is a buddy of mine he's my big-shot Valentine let's Ivy, Ivy, stop.
- The vibrato.
- I'm sorry? You're not getting the vibrato on the note the way Marilyn did.
Oh, I thought that's what I just did.
- No, you didn't.
- Well, it's hard on a belt.
For crying out loud, where's Karen? Karen! I'm right here.
Show her how to do this.
Do what? The vibrato on the note.
- The vibrato? - Happy Birthday.
Just sing Happy Birthday.
You want me to sing hap Oh, my God.
Is there a problem here? What, am I not speaking English? Just stand up and sing Happy Birthday as Marilyn.
I've seen you do it.
[Breathes deeply.]
Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday Mr.
President Happy Birthday to you Wow.
Did you hear that? Karen, maybe you can work with Ivy on that.
Set something up with Larry.
Let's do it again, please.
[Piano music.]
If you say something is taboo well, that's the thing I want to do do it till we're black and blue let's be bad Honestly, Frank is fine *** Me especially, after my date with Michael Swift.
You don't need to come home.
Even though that might be wise.
You need to stay and finish your class.
- If anything bad happens - Anything worse.
Anything bad happens, I'll let you know.
Okay, I will.
Me too.
[Sighs.]
Bye.
When's the last time you had your piano tuned? Oh, God, you say it every single time you play my piano.
'Cause it's always out of tune.
And this "F" is still sticking.
I'm sorry the equipment is not to your liking, but I have to be here while Leo is grounded.
He's got to suffer a little and think about what he's done.
[Loud rap music playing.]
Sounds like he's really reflecting! No, you're not crazy.
That's woman's bananas Ba-Nanas.
[Laughs.]
Oh, can I call you back in a little bit? I have a thing I have to do.
Yeah, I'll tell you all about it later.
Bye.
[Phone beeps.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
Larry's not here? - I didn't see him.
- Hmm.
You know, this is so silly.
I mean, I don't I don't know.
You sound amazing on everything.
I don't know why he needs you to To take singing lessons from a chorus girl? That's not what I was going to say.
No? Look, I know this is awkward for both of us.
It's not awkward for me.
Well, you're acting kind of Kind of what? No, tell me.
How am I acting? Look, you don't have to be all mad at me, okay? I'm no threat to you.
I'm not anything.
- [Laughing.]
Oh, my God.
- Okay.
Can I give you a little advice? Oh, please do.
I'm a grown-up, and I have a pretty clear sense of what I bring to the party.
That's the advice? No, the advice is, don't get ahead of yourself.
If I need a little dialect coaching once in a while, so be it.
Marilyn got help all the time All the time.
[Laughs.]
But she knew what she brought to the party too, and what she had couldn't be taught.
[Door opens.]
[Gasps.]
Larry! Oh! We've been waiting and waiting.
[Laughs.]
We've done a lot of shows together, Julia.
Yes, we have.
You know I'll get it done.
Better sooner rather than later.
I hear you Completely.
[Cell phone rings.]
Sorry.
Hello? Hi.
- I tried.
- I know.
Thank you so much for getting back to me.
Um, yeah, we just wanted to make sure that this, um Very small legal situation that Leo found himself in Um, that it's not gonna affect the adoption and No, he wasn't arrested, technically.
It I get it.
No.
I got it.
Thank you.
Hey.
What can I do for you? Uh, nothing.
Are you Is everything okay? - No.
- No? No.
[Ragtime piano music playing.]
here's the key for my ignition hit the gas to my transmission when you hear the things I'm wishin' you won't offer opposition let's prohibit prohibition let's all: let's - be all: be - bad all: bad some like it hot, and that ain't bad [Subdued chatter.]
Should I try something else? [Chatter continues.]
Um Uh, not necessary.
Moving on.
Let's take ten.
[Overlapping chatter.]
[Knocking at door.]
[Knocking continues.]
I'm going to pretend that you said, "come in.
" I didn't.
[Music stops.]
[Laughs.]
Come on I'm tired of being your prison warden.
It's me.
Were you smoking pot with Mason that day? For the 28th time, I've told you, no.
Have you ever smoked pot? I can't believe you just asked me that.
I'm 16, and I live in New York City next.
- Do you smoke a lot? - No.
I've tried it a few times.
Look, I know I was a colossal idiot, going to Central Park with Mason and his vaporizer.
It won't happen again.
See, it can't happen again.
You can't be around anyone who is smoking pot or drinking or doing anything illegal, because then it'll be on your permanent record, and that will affect everything, including the adoption.
That's what you really care about.
No, I care about you, and I know we both want this adoption.
- Derek? - 5, 6, 7 Derek.
Yeah? I wondered if you wanted to hear the trill first before we run it through.
No, don't need to.
Actually, there's one thing.
Jessica, I might need you to - Hey, have you seen Julia? - She's working from home.
She's having a family issue, and that's where she needs to be with her family.
All right, let's go.
We'll take it from the vamp.
- Okay, guys.
- Please.
[Overlapping chatter.]
[Ragtime piano music playing.]
All: say bye-bye Sorry.
[Laughs.]
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
That's okay.
No problem.
Let's try it again.
[Ragtime piano music playing.]
All: say bye-bye [Music stops.]
Ivy, why don't you take five? No, no, hang on.
Hang on.
[Sighs.]
[Sniffles.]
[Sniffles.]
[Sighs.]
I got it.
Take it from the top.
From before Marilyn's entrance, okay? [Ragtime piano music playing.]
All: when we're feeling down and low then our favorite word is "no" 'cause it points the way to go let's be bad who knows what Does anyone think she'll actually show up? Is she even on the set? Miss Monroe is in her dressing room.
- What kind of shape is she in? - Her shape ain't the problem.
Where is she? We're gonna be stuck here all night.
How many takes we do yesterday 60? You know, someone should fire her.
Fire miss Monroe? All: yeah, drummer man, do what you can tonight the hoo will hit the fan if you need some more enticing here's a girl with twice the spicing we're the cake, but she's the icing let's be bad, let's be bad Arthur, where is she? She's in her dressing room.
She's not feeling well.
I'm not feeling well either.
Get her out here now! Here she is, boys.
Marilyn Monroe in the flesh, all ready to film yet another thrilling movie about a dumb blonde.
Marilyn, you look wonderful.
And that's all that matters, isn't it? Darling, so many pills.
How do you expect me to keep going? You're not bringing in any dough.
Somebody has to support us.
Let's take it from her entrance.
- Where's my mark? - Right this way, miss Monroe.
- Hmm? - Follow me.
Action! All: let's be bad let's be bad if you say something is taboo well, that's the thing I want to do do it till we're black and blue let's be bad guns and gangsters suit me fine Al Capone is a buddy of mine he's my big-shot Valentine let's be bad if spirits are saggin' if feet are a-draggin' fall off of that wagon the piano hums to the bass and drums and I'll be dancing when hoover comes don't care if you've tied the knot most folks want what they ain't got melt the ice, some like it hot let's be bad here's my whistle, make it wetter let me wear that Scarlet letter when I'm bad, I'm even better let's be bad What a mess! She's so doped up, I can't use any of it.
All: say bye-bye propriety, no polite society give me notoriety All: let's be bad You're fabulous, Marilyn.
The whole world adores you.
Keep dancing.
You're gorgeous! - Gorgeous! - Gorgeous! Bring on the vices don't care what the price is I'll add the right spices when the stand-up bass slaps you in the face well, it ain't my husband I'll embrace All: I can't see the use in waiting your lips are intoxicating do my hips need some translating? All: let's be bad if I drown in bathtub gin notify my next of kin they might grieve or might jump in All: let's be bad Who wants plays and O'Neill dramas? Gershwin is the cat's pajamas I'm the queen of the red-hot mamas All: let's be bad each crook and g-man each fop and he-man just stick with me, man every joint's a juke with my red-hot uke and just like Judas once said to Luke All: here's the key for my ignition hit the gas to my transmission when you hear the things I'm wishin' you won't offer opposition let's prohibit prohibition let's all: let's - be all: be bad All: bad some like it hot, and that ain't bad [Cheers and applause.]
[Door closes.]
- Hey, it was really amazing.
- Thanks.
- I heard the trill.
- Oh, my God, just stop.
Seriously, don't condescend to me.
I wasn't.
Look, I've got a lot on my plate, but I'm handling it, and I don't care what you think or what Derek thinks.
It's bad enough in my personal life, But now he's psyching me out in rehearsal.
I mean, you saw me today.
I saw you pull it together and kill it.
Thanks, but right now it feels like it's killing me.
I'll get this round.
No, no, I'm already drunk.
[Groans.]
Hey, what did I miss? Who's he drinking about? He won't say, but I have my suspicions.
Uh, don't you want to know who it is? No.
This company has too many drama queens as it is, which reminds me I tried breaking the ice with your friend Tom.
He's a hoot.
What's your problem with Tom? - He's just so gay.
- Sam, you're gay.
- You're gay? - He's so gay.
I'm not that gay, just gay.
I don't think I should have to wear a banner.
Come on! Where's your defense? You might want to wear a banner Maybe a little rainbow bracelet or something.
Anyway, I'm done playing games.
I should just ask Derek where I stand.
- Please don't.
- Why shouldn't she? Wouldn't you rather know one way or the other? - I know I would.
- Yeah, that's it.
- I'm doing it.
- Me too.
It was humiliating.
First, he had me sing Happy Birthday in front of everyone.
Then he made me give her a private lesson.
How is that humiliating? It sounds like he's got a lot of faith in you.
"Faith" is not exactly the word.
It's all payback for the first time I sang it to him.
He owes you payback? For singing Happy Birthday? He's just a piece of work, and so is that Ivy.
Well, office politics You can't escape them.
Oh, come on, my love, we're gonna be late.
Like, she's a walking bombshell.
So maybe I'm not all You know, all the time.
I'm sorry, but I wasn't raised that way.
I always looked down on girls who were all about being sexy.
It just seemed so desperate.
Oh, I was hoping you might wear something, you know, sexier.
Did you even hear a word I just said? Look, cut me a break here.
I'm under a lot of pressure at work.
I'm fighting to get this promotion, and I don't even know who I'm up against.
What I do know is, I've got a hot girlfriend, and it wouldn't hurt to show you off at a big party on the Intrepid tonight.
Poor Marilyn.
This was what her life was like every day.
I mean, this is what drove her to booze and pills, you know.
This is what killed her.
Yeah, well, a sexy dress is not going to kill you, but I might, if you don't hurry up.
Come on, you know I love you for your mind.
I just cannot be late tonight.
Then just go, babe.
I'll meet you there.
Really, just go.
Okay.
I'll see you.
Hey.
I'm Ivy.
[It's a man's world playing.]
this is a man's world this is a man's world but it wouldn't be nothing nothing without a woman or a girl you see man made the car to take us over the road man made the train to carry, carry the heavy load you see, this is a, a man's man's, man's, man's world but it don't mean nothing without a woman or a girl he's lost in the wilderness he's lost in the bitterness this is a man's world oh and it's nothing without a woman [Sighs.]
Yeah, I know what I bring to the party.
[Knock at door.]
We have to talk.
You cannot be here.
Go home.
No, I-I will.
I promise.
I will.
- Just give me two minutes.
- Hey, is that Swifty? Leo! Hey.
[Laughs.]
My man! You have tripled in size! Oh, listen to me.
I've turned into that guy.
What happened to the goatee? Oh, it's gone.
But I did get this.
- Am I still cool? - For an old guy.
Michael is just dropping something off.
You want to stay for dinner? Oh, no, no, no.
There's not enough food.
Well, actually, I'd love to.
I-I skipped lunch.
Well, don't get too excited.
You know my mom's idea of cooking is nuking stuff from trader Joe's.
That's not true! I made the salad.
Hey! [Pounding on door.]
I know you're in there.
The doorman told me you were.
[Pounding continues.]
He didn't even try to stop me.
He was so nice, and he treated me with respect.
Do you even know what that is Respect? You're drunk, Ivy.
What are you going on about? Oh, no.
No, no, no.
I'm not the problem.
You are.
You blow so hot and cold, I don't even know what day it is anymore.
You are so hideous to me in rehearsal I'm hardly hideous.
You humiliate me When you're not ignoring me! Half the time, I feel like I don't even exist for you in there! No one does.
I am not kidding.
And this isn't some big, romantic statement about who I am as an artist It is just a fact.
Oh, don't give me Don't give you what The truth? Isn't that what you came here for? Look, I am building something in that rehearsal room, and with all due respect, it would be a lot easier if everyone pretended just for five minutes not to have all those annoying feelings, because frankly, they get in my way.
Theater is about feelings! Oh, you can have feelings.
They just need to be about Marilyn.
I'm not kidding.
I know you're not.
Are you staying? Are you asking me to stay? Come on Don't be mad at me.
Come on.
Can I tell you again how incredible you look in that dress? Thanks, babe.
This our table? Uh, sort of.
R.
J.
's assistant made sure I sit by Jill Abramson.
Which wasn't easy and could seriously help this guy land the press secretary job.
She's the executive editor of the New York Times.
And? Well, she's got the mayor's ear.
And? There are no extra seats at this table.
Sorry.
Where do I go the kitchen, the West Side highway? No, it's It's just there.
Table six, by the, uh, helicopter.
Perfect.
Come on, there must be some little chiquita who's after you.
Girls in my school are lame.
Okay, show's over.
We're done.
And what's this brush with the law I heard about? You, uh You hitting the old [Inhaling sharply.]
- You told him about that? - I said, "we're done.
" You know, your mother and I used to smoke a little doob after a tough rehearsal.
- What? - Michael! She said she tried it once at camp.
You are such a liar.
Okay, Leo, up to your room, now.
Michael, I am calling you a car again.
I don't know what happened to the last one.
Stop laughing.
[Laughs.]
Yes, hi.
It's 428 Carroll, again.
I'm sorry.
I just assumed he knew.
What else does my mom do after a tough rehearsal? In bed, now! [Leo laughs.]
[Door closes.]
Well, it's it's not on Broadway yet.
It's a workshop based on Marilyn Monroe's life.
Are you Marilyn? Yes, yes.
Yeah, I am.
That's wonderful.
So do they have you in a little blonde wig - and a skirt that blows up? - Okay.
Sorry, but, hey, you wear a dress like that, you got to like it that we look.
Oh, that's right.
That's why I wore this So that men everywhere could enjoy looking at me and think about having sex with me.
- Oh! - Was that too direct? - That's pretty direct.
- [Laughs.]
So is the dress, and we already know you like that.
- I'm seeing the Marilyn.
- You want to see some more? Maybe I should sing you Happy Birthday, Mr.
President.
Would you like that? How aboutHappy Birthday, Mr.
Press secretary? - Press secretary? - That's right.
You're looking at the next mayoral press secretary of New York City.
Really? Wow.
So, uh, do you work for the city? Well, not this one right now D.
C.
How did we get back to politics? What do you say You sing for me back at my hotel, and I buy you room service? What a fantastic offer Mr.
Denby.
I'll be in touch.
Excuse me.
Who are you? Sherlock Holmes? How did you get all that out of him? I didn't even have to try.
- This dress did all the work.
- Well, thank you.
You know, I'm sorry for everything.
Well, this car is helping me forgive you.
It sure beats the "C" train.
Oh, you can thank R.
J.
for this.
- Do we have to? - Karen.
I am kidding.
I know there's nothing going on.
She just She bugs me.
Oh, there's so nothing going on.
- I know.
- What are you doing? I'm proving that there's nothing wrong with me below the neck.
Well, I never thought there was.
Um, mmm.
Mmm.
Um, sorry.
Is there a screen thingamajig you could put up or something? - No, sir.
- Okay.
- Wow.
- Yeah, wow.
Wait.
What is your "wow" about? Um I guess just that we finally got together and did it.
Yeah.
That's true.
Wait.
Why? What was your "wow" about? I mean, the sex was great too.
Don't get me wrong.
Tom, I think it's safe to say that what we just had was in no way anywhere near "wow" sex.
Oh, my God.
Thank God.
I'm so relieved.
Did you really think that I thought it was great sex? It was terrible sex.
It was maybe even "wow, that was terrible" sex.
Well, I mean, it wasn't that bad.
I've had worse.
I'm not sure I have.
[Both laughing.]
[Papers rustle.]
Okay, this has got to be us.
It's got to be us.
It's got to it's got to be us.
Why are you trying so hard to get rid of me, Jules? You know you can't get rid of me.
Michael, look at me.
Gladly.
What? We both have families now.
I love mine more than anything, and I know you love yours.
We're not gonna mess that up, do you hear me? - I want to be with you.
- Oh, God.
[Sighs.]
I've been so many places in my life and time No, no, no, no.
[Laughs.]
I've sung a lot of songs and I've made some bad rhymes Mm-mm.
No.
But we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you I want you in a place where there's no space or time I need you in my life you're a friend of mine and when my life is over remember when we were together we were alone and I was singing this song for you Go home.
Okay.
Welcome to Marilyn.
How come nobody told me she was going to be here? Derek didn't tell you? Why don't we ever go to your place? Shimmy, shimmy, oh, gimme, gimme She's just She's right next to me, and she's just a little bit loud.
She's trying to get me fired.
All I need is $200,000.
That's it.
- I have a date.
- Yay, mom.
[Big-band jazz music.]
I had an affair with Michael Swift, and no one else can know.
Scott, a few things I need you to move Amelia to Friday, apologize for the late notice.
Uh, we need to RSVP for the moma event.
And, uh, I still haven't seen those pages from Julia.
Okay, um, this is awkward.
What's awkward? Oh, man, well, Jerry I work for Jerry now.
He made me a very generous offer, and I've accepted.
Eileen? Yes, Scott.
I just wanted to thank you for all the opportunities that you [Receiver thuds.]
[Overlapping chatter.]
Karen, can I borrow you for a minute? Uh, yeah, sure.
What do you need? I could use a hand.
The bridge sequence from Let's be bad isn't working.
- Okay, should I? - Just follow me.
Oh, come on, just relax.
What are you afraid of? I'm not afraid of anything.
Well, we both know that's not true.
Meaning what? You're afraid of you.
You're terrified of anything below the neck.
You have some problem with follow-through.
And again.
Oh, my God, Frank, you poor thing.
What, they can't get you out on another flight? We have a workshop in 13 days, and we still don't have a final script.
There are three new scenes that are coming along great.
She just doesn't want to show anyone.
You've read them.
Oh, Julia and I share the same brain.
Talking to me is like talking to myself, so I don't count.
- 13 days, Tom.
- I'll tell her.
- Hey.
- Hello? Sorry.
Are you making a call? No, it's just, uh, Frank.
I keep losing him.
Um, what's up? I just read the hotel scene, with Marilyn and DiMaggio after the Seven year itch shoot.
- Uh-oh.
- [Laughs.]
I had a couple of questions.
Can we find a time to talk, maybe after rehearsal? [Cell phone rings.]
Oh.
Hello? Oh, this connection is so bad.
Frank, I'll call you back! So do you want to work tonight? I'm supposed to see John, but I could easily cancel.
Oh, my God, you are not bailing on this guy.
This is so you.
Ten minutes ago, you liked him.
Now what? What what's his flaw? He's a lawyer.
I'm not gonna wind up with a lawyer.
- Go on a date.
- And he says "wow" a lot.
Oh, please.
Hon? Hon? Wait.
On which flight? Oh, you're breaking up.
I can't hear you.
Am I late? No.
Karen was early.
Okay, everyone, our Marilyn's here.
Let's do Let's be bad.
We'll take it from the top.
- Josh, please.
- Everybody up.
[Piano music.]
I don't know why I went to law school.
My dad's a lawyer, and my brother's a lawyer, two of my uncles.
I guess it's in the genes.
[Cell phone chimes.]
Last time, I promise.
Sorry.
I have a very anxious producer on my hands.
Is that the one I met? Very hermes? Right now she is stalking me about the script, when it's really Julia Sorry.
You were in the middle of What were you in the middle of? I just don't want DiMaggio to come off as a complete tool where we're not rooting for him to come back into Marilyn's life.
Well, that's a murky issue, isn't it? What's murky? I mean, the guy might not have been husband of the year, but he was the love of her life.
That's just not necessarily the show I'm writing.
The guy sprung her from the loony bin and planned her funeral.
If he's not the guy, who is? It's not just a love story.
I'm trying to explore some bigger themes.
What's bigger than love? So was that it? Were those all your notes? [Laughs.]
I like to think of them more as thoughts.
Am I not allowed to share my thoughts with you anymore? Mm-mm.
No, don't worry.
I will take care of Mr.
DiMaggio.
He will not be a villain.
[Cell phone rings.]
That Frank? Oh.
No, it's a weird number.
I don't know who it is.
What's he off doing, anyway? Um, a teaching retreat, to get recertified.
He took so many years off.
They do a kind of brush-up program in Berkeley.
I kind of hate you for ordering this.
[Laughs.]
Nothing's really speaking to me here, but we can go back to my place for a nightcap.
You know, I'm pretty tired.
Okay.
So are we not ever having sex? Are we just friends? [Laughs.]
Uh [Cell phone plays melodic ringtone.]
I am not avoiding your question, but it's a weird number.
I better hello? - Are you with my mom? - No, what's up? I-I'm sorry to bug you, but I can't find her, and my dad's out of town, and I kind of got arrested.
Sit tight.
I'm on my way.
What kind of lawyer are you again? [Orchestra tuning up.]
[Conductor's baton taps.]
Explain to me again: Why he was arrested if it was the other kid who was smoking pot with a - What do you call it? - Vaporizer.
I don't even know what that is.
It's a battery-operated bong.
May I? Thanks.
John Goodwin.
I'm an attorney.
Um, help me out here.
Was this boy in possession of the marijuana when you approached? No.
Was he in possession of the vaporizer when you approached? No.
Why is he cuffed if he hasn't even been arrested? - Because - What are the charges? I'm waiting to hear the charges.
- Loitering for drugs.
- Oh, come on.
We both know you can never make that stick.
It's going to stick with this one.
He was giving me an attitude.
All I said was, I have the right to remain silent.
Isn't that my constitutional right? Leo, this is NCSI.
You're gonna let me do the talking, or you're gonna spend the night in jail.
So other than enjoying the park on a beautiful day, adjacent to what so far has the flimsiest chance of being proven as illegal activity, has this minor, who has no priors, done anything in defiance of the law? So there's some chatter going on I thought you should know about.
I'm listening.
You're not a lock for that promotion.
They're looking at someone else for press secretary.
- Who? - I don't know yet Someone from Washington.
- Sorry to interrupt.
- Oh, hey.
Karen, this is R.
J.
Oh, hey.
It's nice to meet you, finally.
I've heard only great things.
You're R.
J.
Quigley, the New York Times reporter I'm always complaining about.
- [Laughs.]
- Of course.
That's so funny.
I always thought "R.
J.
" stood for Ralph Johnson or something.
[Chuckles.]
Rakhshan Afshin-Jam, an iranian mouthful.
- Sort of like Devamadana.
- Right, exactly.
Don't get me started on the middle name.
Well, this was fun, but some of us have deadlines.
See you later.
I always pictured a fat white guy with bad teeth.
Yeah.
Not accurate.
I see that.
So noodletown again? [Cell phone chimes.]
Don't be mad, but, um I don't think I can do dinner tonight.
I, uh I need to deal with this.
You actually haven't told me what you're dealing with.
Well, I don't know yet.
That's why it's good to have crafty reporters on your side.
I'll see you at home, yeah? Bye.
She does seem crafty.
She's gonna kill me, and then when she's done, she's gonna kill me again.
I am so dead.
She's gonna kill me twice I'm so dead [Gasps.]
So dead I wish I'd gone to the movies instead It wasn't my idea, and I wasn't even smoking.
I wasn't even smoking, I was really only joking my intentions I'll be cloaking something something toking stop.
- Leo? - We're in here.
I just heard my messages! What on earth? It's not that big a deal.
You were arrested for smoking pot in Central Park, and that's not a big deal? I would love to hear how that is not a big deal! He wasn't arrested.
John got him off with a bench warrant.
He was amazing.
You should have seen him.
- What were you thinking? - Don't know.
Mason said he wanted to, and the next thing I know, the cops were there, and then I couldn't find you.
I was in a work session and No, you don't get to be pissed.
I get to be pissed.
I can't believe you did is! You are so epically grounded! Please don't lose it.
I know I was stupid.
I know.
[Scoffs.]
Can I just go to bed now? Yes.
[Sighs.]
We're not done.
[Sighs.]
[Door closes.]
So where were you? Talking with Michael about the script.
Oh, for crying out loud.
He had some smart ideas, and I resent your tone.
My tone? Your tone is the one screaming "guilty.
" - It is not.
- Guilty.
- No.
- Guilty.
- No.
- So guilty No, I was eat I was [Sighs.]
I was eating ice cream and apple pie, and we were talking.
- Guilty.
- No.
- Look at me.
- [Sighs.]
Your kid was just arrested, and you missed it because you were too busy [whispering.]
flirting with your ex-boyfriend.
[Normal voice.]
You're playing with fire, and this was your wake-up call.
Okay? That's it! That's my password! Why are you torturing me? [Knocks on door.]
Come in.
It's open.
Special delivery.
Here is that book that Tom wanted you to look at.
Ooh, look, the Marilyn memoir And I can open it without a password.
How quaint.
[Chuckles.]
I'm pretty good with a computer, if you need some help.
- Please.
- Sure.
It's actually perfect timing.
Tom's in a holding pattern while Julia catches up with her pages.
How are those pages coming, Ellis? We're only 12 days out, you know.
Seriously, John, without you, I'd still be trying to tap-dance Leo out of jail.
Anyhoo, um, I'd love to finish our date, so give me a call.
Heartbreaker last night, huh? The game, knicks/lakers Last five seconds, kobe Bryant, three-pointer? This nothing? You don't? I don't.
[Clears throat.]
That's not my I'm sorry.
We haven't met yet.
I'm Tom.
I'm Sam.
Sam, sports are anathema to me.
Even the Knicks, huh? Weird, huh? Nice to meet you.
[Overlapping chatter.]
Okay, guys, it's time.
Hurry up, please.
Let's take it from the end of the first verse, please.
[Piano music.]
If you say something is taboo well, that's the thing I want to do do it till we're black and blue let's be bad guns and gangsters suit me fine Al Capone is a buddy of mine he's my big-shot Valentine let's Ivy, Ivy, stop.
- The vibrato.
- I'm sorry? You're not getting the vibrato on the note the way Marilyn did.
Oh, I thought that's what I just did.
- No, you didn't.
- Well, it's hard on a belt.
For crying out loud, where's Karen? Karen! I'm right here.
Show her how to do this.
Do what? The vibrato on the note.
- The vibrato? - Happy Birthday.
Just sing Happy Birthday.
You want me to sing hap Oh, my God.
Is there a problem here? What, am I not speaking English? Just stand up and sing Happy Birthday as Marilyn.
I've seen you do it.
[Breathes deeply.]
Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday Mr.
President Happy Birthday to you Wow.
Did you hear that? Karen, maybe you can work with Ivy on that.
Set something up with Larry.
Let's do it again, please.
[Piano music.]
If you say something is taboo well, that's the thing I want to do do it till we're black and blue let's be bad Honestly, Frank is fine *** Me especially, after my date with Michael Swift.
You don't need to come home.
Even though that might be wise.
You need to stay and finish your class.
- If anything bad happens - Anything worse.
Anything bad happens, I'll let you know.
Okay, I will.
Me too.
[Sighs.]
Bye.
When's the last time you had your piano tuned? Oh, God, you say it every single time you play my piano.
'Cause it's always out of tune.
And this "F" is still sticking.
I'm sorry the equipment is not to your liking, but I have to be here while Leo is grounded.
He's got to suffer a little and think about what he's done.
[Loud rap music playing.]
Sounds like he's really reflecting! No, you're not crazy.
That's woman's bananas Ba-Nanas.
[Laughs.]
Oh, can I call you back in a little bit? I have a thing I have to do.
Yeah, I'll tell you all about it later.
Bye.
[Phone beeps.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
Larry's not here? - I didn't see him.
- Hmm.
You know, this is so silly.
I mean, I don't I don't know.
You sound amazing on everything.
I don't know why he needs you to To take singing lessons from a chorus girl? That's not what I was going to say.
No? Look, I know this is awkward for both of us.
It's not awkward for me.
Well, you're acting kind of Kind of what? No, tell me.
How am I acting? Look, you don't have to be all mad at me, okay? I'm no threat to you.
I'm not anything.
- [Laughing.]
Oh, my God.
- Okay.
Can I give you a little advice? Oh, please do.
I'm a grown-up, and I have a pretty clear sense of what I bring to the party.
That's the advice? No, the advice is, don't get ahead of yourself.
If I need a little dialect coaching once in a while, so be it.
Marilyn got help all the time All the time.
[Laughs.]
But she knew what she brought to the party too, and what she had couldn't be taught.
[Door opens.]
[Gasps.]
Larry! Oh! We've been waiting and waiting.
[Laughs.]
We've done a lot of shows together, Julia.
Yes, we have.
You know I'll get it done.
Better sooner rather than later.
I hear you Completely.
[Cell phone rings.]
Sorry.
Hello? Hi.
- I tried.
- I know.
Thank you so much for getting back to me.
Um, yeah, we just wanted to make sure that this, um Very small legal situation that Leo found himself in Um, that it's not gonna affect the adoption and No, he wasn't arrested, technically.
It I get it.
No.
I got it.
Thank you.
Hey.
What can I do for you? Uh, nothing.
Are you Is everything okay? - No.
- No? No.
[Ragtime piano music playing.]
here's the key for my ignition hit the gas to my transmission when you hear the things I'm wishin' you won't offer opposition let's prohibit prohibition let's all: let's - be all: be - bad all: bad some like it hot, and that ain't bad [Subdued chatter.]
Should I try something else? [Chatter continues.]
Um Uh, not necessary.
Moving on.
Let's take ten.
[Overlapping chatter.]
[Knocking at door.]
[Knocking continues.]
I'm going to pretend that you said, "come in.
" I didn't.
[Music stops.]
[Laughs.]
Come on I'm tired of being your prison warden.
It's me.
Were you smoking pot with Mason that day? For the 28th time, I've told you, no.
Have you ever smoked pot? I can't believe you just asked me that.
I'm 16, and I live in New York City next.
- Do you smoke a lot? - No.
I've tried it a few times.
Look, I know I was a colossal idiot, going to Central Park with Mason and his vaporizer.
It won't happen again.
See, it can't happen again.
You can't be around anyone who is smoking pot or drinking or doing anything illegal, because then it'll be on your permanent record, and that will affect everything, including the adoption.
That's what you really care about.
No, I care about you, and I know we both want this adoption.
- Derek? - 5, 6, 7 Derek.
Yeah? I wondered if you wanted to hear the trill first before we run it through.
No, don't need to.
Actually, there's one thing.
Jessica, I might need you to - Hey, have you seen Julia? - She's working from home.
She's having a family issue, and that's where she needs to be with her family.
All right, let's go.
We'll take it from the vamp.
- Okay, guys.
- Please.
[Overlapping chatter.]
[Ragtime piano music playing.]
All: say bye-bye Sorry.
[Laughs.]
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
That's okay.
No problem.
Let's try it again.
[Ragtime piano music playing.]
All: say bye-bye [Music stops.]
Ivy, why don't you take five? No, no, hang on.
Hang on.
[Sighs.]
[Sniffles.]
[Sniffles.]
[Sighs.]
I got it.
Take it from the top.
From before Marilyn's entrance, okay? [Ragtime piano music playing.]
All: when we're feeling down and low then our favorite word is "no" 'cause it points the way to go let's be bad who knows what Does anyone think she'll actually show up? Is she even on the set? Miss Monroe is in her dressing room.
- What kind of shape is she in? - Her shape ain't the problem.
Where is she? We're gonna be stuck here all night.
How many takes we do yesterday 60? You know, someone should fire her.
Fire miss Monroe? All: yeah, drummer man, do what you can tonight the hoo will hit the fan if you need some more enticing here's a girl with twice the spicing we're the cake, but she's the icing let's be bad, let's be bad Arthur, where is she? She's in her dressing room.
She's not feeling well.
I'm not feeling well either.
Get her out here now! Here she is, boys.
Marilyn Monroe in the flesh, all ready to film yet another thrilling movie about a dumb blonde.
Marilyn, you look wonderful.
And that's all that matters, isn't it? Darling, so many pills.
How do you expect me to keep going? You're not bringing in any dough.
Somebody has to support us.
Let's take it from her entrance.
- Where's my mark? - Right this way, miss Monroe.
- Hmm? - Follow me.
Action! All: let's be bad let's be bad if you say something is taboo well, that's the thing I want to do do it till we're black and blue let's be bad guns and gangsters suit me fine Al Capone is a buddy of mine he's my big-shot Valentine let's be bad if spirits are saggin' if feet are a-draggin' fall off of that wagon the piano hums to the bass and drums and I'll be dancing when hoover comes don't care if you've tied the knot most folks want what they ain't got melt the ice, some like it hot let's be bad here's my whistle, make it wetter let me wear that Scarlet letter when I'm bad, I'm even better let's be bad What a mess! She's so doped up, I can't use any of it.
All: say bye-bye propriety, no polite society give me notoriety All: let's be bad You're fabulous, Marilyn.
The whole world adores you.
Keep dancing.
You're gorgeous! - Gorgeous! - Gorgeous! Bring on the vices don't care what the price is I'll add the right spices when the stand-up bass slaps you in the face well, it ain't my husband I'll embrace All: I can't see the use in waiting your lips are intoxicating do my hips need some translating? All: let's be bad if I drown in bathtub gin notify my next of kin they might grieve or might jump in All: let's be bad Who wants plays and O'Neill dramas? Gershwin is the cat's pajamas I'm the queen of the red-hot mamas All: let's be bad each crook and g-man each fop and he-man just stick with me, man every joint's a juke with my red-hot uke and just like Judas once said to Luke All: here's the key for my ignition hit the gas to my transmission when you hear the things I'm wishin' you won't offer opposition let's prohibit prohibition let's all: let's - be all: be bad All: bad some like it hot, and that ain't bad [Cheers and applause.]
[Door closes.]
- Hey, it was really amazing.
- Thanks.
- I heard the trill.
- Oh, my God, just stop.
Seriously, don't condescend to me.
I wasn't.
Look, I've got a lot on my plate, but I'm handling it, and I don't care what you think or what Derek thinks.
It's bad enough in my personal life, But now he's psyching me out in rehearsal.
I mean, you saw me today.
I saw you pull it together and kill it.
Thanks, but right now it feels like it's killing me.
I'll get this round.
No, no, I'm already drunk.
[Groans.]
Hey, what did I miss? Who's he drinking about? He won't say, but I have my suspicions.
Uh, don't you want to know who it is? No.
This company has too many drama queens as it is, which reminds me I tried breaking the ice with your friend Tom.
He's a hoot.
What's your problem with Tom? - He's just so gay.
- Sam, you're gay.
- You're gay? - He's so gay.
I'm not that gay, just gay.
I don't think I should have to wear a banner.
Come on! Where's your defense? You might want to wear a banner Maybe a little rainbow bracelet or something.
Anyway, I'm done playing games.
I should just ask Derek where I stand.
- Please don't.
- Why shouldn't she? Wouldn't you rather know one way or the other? - I know I would.
- Yeah, that's it.
- I'm doing it.
- Me too.
It was humiliating.
First, he had me sing Happy Birthday in front of everyone.
Then he made me give her a private lesson.
How is that humiliating? It sounds like he's got a lot of faith in you.
"Faith" is not exactly the word.
It's all payback for the first time I sang it to him.
He owes you payback? For singing Happy Birthday? He's just a piece of work, and so is that Ivy.
Well, office politics You can't escape them.
Oh, come on, my love, we're gonna be late.
Like, she's a walking bombshell.
So maybe I'm not all You know, all the time.
I'm sorry, but I wasn't raised that way.
I always looked down on girls who were all about being sexy.
It just seemed so desperate.
Oh, I was hoping you might wear something, you know, sexier.
Did you even hear a word I just said? Look, cut me a break here.
I'm under a lot of pressure at work.
I'm fighting to get this promotion, and I don't even know who I'm up against.
What I do know is, I've got a hot girlfriend, and it wouldn't hurt to show you off at a big party on the Intrepid tonight.
Poor Marilyn.
This was what her life was like every day.
I mean, this is what drove her to booze and pills, you know.
This is what killed her.
Yeah, well, a sexy dress is not going to kill you, but I might, if you don't hurry up.
Come on, you know I love you for your mind.
I just cannot be late tonight.
Then just go, babe.
I'll meet you there.
Really, just go.
Okay.
I'll see you.
Hey.
I'm Ivy.
[It's a man's world playing.]
this is a man's world this is a man's world but it wouldn't be nothing nothing without a woman or a girl you see man made the car to take us over the road man made the train to carry, carry the heavy load you see, this is a, a man's man's, man's, man's world but it don't mean nothing without a woman or a girl he's lost in the wilderness he's lost in the bitterness this is a man's world oh and it's nothing without a woman [Sighs.]
Yeah, I know what I bring to the party.
[Knock at door.]
We have to talk.
You cannot be here.
Go home.
No, I-I will.
I promise.
I will.
- Just give me two minutes.
- Hey, is that Swifty? Leo! Hey.
[Laughs.]
My man! You have tripled in size! Oh, listen to me.
I've turned into that guy.
What happened to the goatee? Oh, it's gone.
But I did get this.
- Am I still cool? - For an old guy.
Michael is just dropping something off.
You want to stay for dinner? Oh, no, no, no.
There's not enough food.
Well, actually, I'd love to.
I-I skipped lunch.
Well, don't get too excited.
You know my mom's idea of cooking is nuking stuff from trader Joe's.
That's not true! I made the salad.
Hey! [Pounding on door.]
I know you're in there.
The doorman told me you were.
[Pounding continues.]
He didn't even try to stop me.
He was so nice, and he treated me with respect.
Do you even know what that is Respect? You're drunk, Ivy.
What are you going on about? Oh, no.
No, no, no.
I'm not the problem.
You are.
You blow so hot and cold, I don't even know what day it is anymore.
You are so hideous to me in rehearsal I'm hardly hideous.
You humiliate me When you're not ignoring me! Half the time, I feel like I don't even exist for you in there! No one does.
I am not kidding.
And this isn't some big, romantic statement about who I am as an artist It is just a fact.
Oh, don't give me Don't give you what The truth? Isn't that what you came here for? Look, I am building something in that rehearsal room, and with all due respect, it would be a lot easier if everyone pretended just for five minutes not to have all those annoying feelings, because frankly, they get in my way.
Theater is about feelings! Oh, you can have feelings.
They just need to be about Marilyn.
I'm not kidding.
I know you're not.
Are you staying? Are you asking me to stay? Come on Don't be mad at me.
Come on.
Can I tell you again how incredible you look in that dress? Thanks, babe.
This our table? Uh, sort of.
R.
J.
's assistant made sure I sit by Jill Abramson.
Which wasn't easy and could seriously help this guy land the press secretary job.
She's the executive editor of the New York Times.
And? Well, she's got the mayor's ear.
And? There are no extra seats at this table.
Sorry.
Where do I go the kitchen, the West Side highway? No, it's It's just there.
Table six, by the, uh, helicopter.
Perfect.
Come on, there must be some little chiquita who's after you.
Girls in my school are lame.
Okay, show's over.
We're done.
And what's this brush with the law I heard about? You, uh You hitting the old [Inhaling sharply.]
- You told him about that? - I said, "we're done.
" You know, your mother and I used to smoke a little doob after a tough rehearsal.
- What? - Michael! She said she tried it once at camp.
You are such a liar.
Okay, Leo, up to your room, now.
Michael, I am calling you a car again.
I don't know what happened to the last one.
Stop laughing.
[Laughs.]
Yes, hi.
It's 428 Carroll, again.
I'm sorry.
I just assumed he knew.
What else does my mom do after a tough rehearsal? In bed, now! [Leo laughs.]
[Door closes.]
Well, it's it's not on Broadway yet.
It's a workshop based on Marilyn Monroe's life.
Are you Marilyn? Yes, yes.
Yeah, I am.
That's wonderful.
So do they have you in a little blonde wig - and a skirt that blows up? - Okay.
Sorry, but, hey, you wear a dress like that, you got to like it that we look.
Oh, that's right.
That's why I wore this So that men everywhere could enjoy looking at me and think about having sex with me.
- Oh! - Was that too direct? - That's pretty direct.
- [Laughs.]
So is the dress, and we already know you like that.
- I'm seeing the Marilyn.
- You want to see some more? Maybe I should sing you Happy Birthday, Mr.
President.
Would you like that? How aboutHappy Birthday, Mr.
Press secretary? - Press secretary? - That's right.
You're looking at the next mayoral press secretary of New York City.
Really? Wow.
So, uh, do you work for the city? Well, not this one right now D.
C.
How did we get back to politics? What do you say You sing for me back at my hotel, and I buy you room service? What a fantastic offer Mr.
Denby.
I'll be in touch.
Excuse me.
Who are you? Sherlock Holmes? How did you get all that out of him? I didn't even have to try.
- This dress did all the work.
- Well, thank you.
You know, I'm sorry for everything.
Well, this car is helping me forgive you.
It sure beats the "C" train.
Oh, you can thank R.
J.
for this.
- Do we have to? - Karen.
I am kidding.
I know there's nothing going on.
She just She bugs me.
Oh, there's so nothing going on.
- I know.
- What are you doing? I'm proving that there's nothing wrong with me below the neck.
Well, I never thought there was.
Um, mmm.
Mmm.
Um, sorry.
Is there a screen thingamajig you could put up or something? - No, sir.
- Okay.
- Wow.
- Yeah, wow.
Wait.
What is your "wow" about? Um I guess just that we finally got together and did it.
Yeah.
That's true.
Wait.
Why? What was your "wow" about? I mean, the sex was great too.
Don't get me wrong.
Tom, I think it's safe to say that what we just had was in no way anywhere near "wow" sex.
Oh, my God.
Thank God.
I'm so relieved.
Did you really think that I thought it was great sex? It was terrible sex.
It was maybe even "wow, that was terrible" sex.
Well, I mean, it wasn't that bad.
I've had worse.
I'm not sure I have.
[Both laughing.]
[Papers rustle.]
Okay, this has got to be us.
It's got to be us.
It's got to it's got to be us.
Why are you trying so hard to get rid of me, Jules? You know you can't get rid of me.
Michael, look at me.
Gladly.
What? We both have families now.
I love mine more than anything, and I know you love yours.
We're not gonna mess that up, do you hear me? - I want to be with you.
- Oh, God.
[Sighs.]
I've been so many places in my life and time No, no, no, no.
[Laughs.]
I've sung a lot of songs and I've made some bad rhymes Mm-mm.
No.
But we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you I want you in a place where there's no space or time I need you in my life you're a friend of mine and when my life is over remember when we were together we were alone and I was singing this song for you Go home.
Okay.