Starstruck (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

1
- Honestly, such a thrill
to be here.
I'm a huge fan.
- Oh, you're sweet.
I'm a fan of yours.
- So "Siege on Olympus."
This must be so exciting
for you both.
How's it feel?
- Yeah, just incredible.
Um, I mean,
it really takes a team
to put together
something like this.
And I am just so happy
and proud of everyone involved.
- And I feel nothing.
[awkward laughter]
- There's been a lot of talk
about the chemistry
that your characters have
on screen.
What's the secret there?
- I, uh--
well, I guess we're
just good at our jobs.
[chuckles lightly]
- Yeah.
I mean, we have had sex
a couple of times.
- [forced laughter]
He's such a laugh!
- It's actually
pretty common on set.
Everyone's fucking.
I mean, in our case,
I think it's that
Sophie and I
are fundamentally
incompatible.
And we realized that actually,
we don't really
like each other.
- That--I can cut that bit out.
- No, that was fun.
Keep it in.
I thought it was fun.
- It was so nice to meet you.
Okay, bye.
Thank you.
[indistinct chatter]
[door clicks]
[exhales]
- Ow!
You are too strong to do that.
[sighs]
That was not okay.
Look, I'm sorry
if I'm not gonna play along
with your media-baiting
bullshit.
- Honestly, no one cares if you
think you're too good for this.
You're an actor.
This is your job.
Poor you.
I honestly don't know
what's going on with you.
And I don't even care.
- Okay.
[phone buzzing]
- Also, we only had sex twice.
And both times
were absolutely fine.
Hi!
Hi, I was literally
just talking about you.
How are you?
[bouncy piano music]
♪
- Hello.
[chuckles nervously]
Hi.
I donated a couple
of bags of clothes
a few weeks ago.
I was just wondering--I just
never see them on the display.
- Why?
- 'Cause I live in the area,
and I always have a little peek
to see what's--
what's going on in the window.
And I--I know that I donated
some pretty nice stuff, so
- Breakup?
- Sorry?
- We get a lot of donations
after breakups.
Or breakdowns.
Keira Knightley coming in once
just weeping.
Donated free "Pirates
of the Caribbean" box sets.
- Wow. Did she?
That's--yeah, wow.
My heart goes out to Keira.
But, um, I haven't--
I haven't broken up
with anyone, so
I'm of sound mind!
- I can't give them back
to you,
if that's what you're asking.
- That's not what I'm--sorry.
Okay--ugh!
I feel like
I'm not explaining myself here.
We're kind of
ships in the night here,
communication-wise.
I-I just know that you change
your window displays
really--like, quite often.
And I never see my clothes.
And I think
they really do deserve
to be up there, you know?
- Once you donate the goods,
it's our discretion
as to how we sell them.
- Okay.
Great use of the word
"discretion" there.
- Mm-hmm.
♪
- [chuckles]
This is nice, actually.
I just--you and I,
we never do this.
We're never just hanging out,
just like, you know, pals.
It feels like fun
and illegal somehow.
- You mean, like,
in a pedophile kind of way?
You think me having you over
makes me a predator?
- No, I mean,
'cause you're my boss.
- I mean, I'm not
that much older than you.
It's not like I'm old enough
to be your mother.
- I know, but--
- It would have ruined my life.
Ruined my life!
- Have I missed something?
Are you okay?
- I'm sorry.
I--I'm not okay.
Uh, and if I'm being honest,
I'm upset.
- Oh, I'm sorry--
- With you.
- With me?
- When I hired you,
I knew you were a risk.
I mean, you were wearing
ballerina flats
and you didn't "believe
in peanut allergies."
- I'm still 50/50 on that.
- But you know what?
I liked you.
You're not an idiot,
and, I mean,
you pose absolutely no threat
to my marriage.
- Jeez.
- What I'm trying to say is,
this cannot continue.
- Okay, can I just interrupt--
- No, no. No, no.
- I need to say--
I need to say my piece, okay?
Because I feel like
I know where this conversation
is going.
I love this job, okay?
And I know that I'm not
the most conventional nanny,
and I know the kids can say
a lot of things about me,
but I feel like what's
really important to remember
is that kids lie.
A lot, you know?
And I'm the fun one!
I'm fun Jessie!
You know, like,
and you need a fun nanny.
And, okay, of course, I haven't
been that much fun lately.
I'll be the first
to admit that.
And I--I've just been
going through a lot
of stuff personally,
but I know for a fact
it is actually good
for a child's development
to see an adult cry
at a young age.
I fully know that
I need to step up,
and I'm gonna do that.
I'm gonna be more professional.
I'm gonna be on time.
I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be there.
I'm gonna be on it.
So you don't need to worry.
It's okay.
It's totally fine.
[exhales]
Thank you for listening.
- This is not a warning thing.
You're fired.
I am firing you.
Oh, God!
That felt so good
getting that out.
I have been anxious about this
for weeks!
[exhales]
♪
Do you want a scone?
- [sighs]
Yes, please.
[hushed chatter]
[groans]
Why do they make these
so hard to get to?
[grunts]
Okay.
[exhales]
- Oh, I can't wait
for that film.
- [forced laughter]
Okay.
Whoops!
- Oh, God.
[bell dings]
- Sorry.
Okay, sorry.
Quick survey.
Who here is
working on their screenplay?
Well, anyone?
Yeah?
Don't be shy.
Yeah, yeah.
Hands up.
That's great.
That's so good.
Okay.
Up!
Up you get.
Get out.
- No, she's joking.
- I'm not.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding!
I'm not joking.
I'm deadly ser--
Get out.
Get out!
What do you not understand
about "up"?
where's the broom?
Okay. Here.
Get out.
Shoo! Shoo. Shoo.
We are here to sell tickets,
not to inspire you.
We are a business!
Take a little walk.
Take a little walk.
[groans]
Okay, here we go.
[hisses]
What are you writing?
- Just some ideas.
- Let me see.
"Toothbrush with
a tiny speaker in it."
You need to go for a walk.
- So you could listen to music
while you brush your teeth.
- Sorry.
What was that?
both: So you could listen
to music
while you brush your teeth.
- Mm-mm. No.
Get out.
Get out.
That is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
In my life!
Bye-bye!
[sighs]
I see you here all the time,
so you can actually stay.
'Cause it's just nice seeing
women in the cinema, you know?
- Okay, cool.
I'm just editing my vlog.
- Oh, I wish
you hadn't said that.
'Cause, yeah,
you have to leave now.
Because I don't like that.
I don't like it.
Please--please leave.
Yeah.
Laters!
[imitates trumpet tooting]
She's off.
Whoo!
And let that be a lesson
to you all!
Uh, what are you doing here?
- I'm just at work.
Just--just working.
- Well, it's a pretty slow
day,
so you can probably go home.
- I know you've
been avoiding me,
and I know why you're angry.
It was a very
awkward conversation.
I wasflustered.
And if you asked him
what I said, technically,
I didn't say
you had a boyfriend.
- It's not about that.
I don't care what he thinks.
It just wasn't your place
to say anything.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
- It's fine.
It's fine.
- Have you seen him again?
- No.
I am actually glad
you brought this up, though,
because I am
seeing someone new.
I wanted you to be
the first to know.
He's called the Babadook.
He's got a top hat.
He's really good with kids.
You know?
- Look.
Can I say something?
- No.
- No?
I like you.
- No! No.
- Excuse me?
- I reject that.
I just reject everything
about what you just said.
- It's actually very hard
for me to say that.
- You have a crush.
That's fine.
That's totally fine.
I had a crush on a guy I saw
using a leaf blower yesterday.
- It's more than a crush.
- Okay, Mandy Moore.
Sorry. Sorry.
Okay, before you decide
this is how you wanna feel,
how about you write a list
of everything that
you don't like about me?
- But I like
everything about you!
- You know that's not true.
Last year, Christmas party,
you got super drunk.
You told me I was stacking
the drinks cups wrong.
There's your first thing
for the list.
- Yeah, because
I was trying to help you
stack the cups properly.
- Whatever.
Also, I clearly had a system
for that
and you just obviously
didn't understand it,
because we'd use
the large ones first,
so they obviously go
on the left, and
Don't write that one down.
Actually, do not write
that one down.
'Cause I was right,
and I'm gonna reinstate that.
[panting]
Okay. Okay.
I don't wanna sound ungrateful
for this job, but--
- Here she goes.
- London is fucked.
And everyone here
can get fucked.
- Whoo! She's in a mood.
- Why would anyone choose
to live here?
- If it's good enough
for Rihanna,
it's good enough for you.
- Okay, I forgot
she lived here for a bit.
- Yeah, it's so sick.
Oh!
This is for last week,
before I forget.
- [panting]
What?
This is so--
this is so much money.
- I told you, there's some
serious cash in the flower biz.
- I've never held this
much money before in my life.
What do you do with it?
I'll buy stocks.
Is that what people do?
[gasps]
I should buy stocks.
- Hey, you still got
a few more deliveries first,
my little Wolf of Wall Street.
Let's get you going.
- [howls]
You like that?
Wolf of Wall Street.
- It sounds good.
- Okay!
- That's the spirit.
- Oh
- All right.
Good luck.
- All right.
Okay.
- Bye.
- See ya.
Bye-bye.
Hello? I
Hello?
I have a flower delivery
for you.
[bike clatters]
[grunting]
[car horn honks]
I am going as fast as I can!
[car horn honks]
Fuck off, dude!
[sighs]
Okay.
Sorry.
I have flowers
from someone who loves you.
Can you just buzz me?
[groans]
Oh, my God.
[bike bell chimes]
How does a bike get a ticket?
"Polite notice,"
my fucking ass.
[panting]
Are you fucking kidding me?
[upbeat piano music]
♪
Hello.
- Hello again.
- Yes. Okay.
Well, um, I would actually like
to lay a complaint
with your boss.
- I am the boss.
- Congratulations.
Well, I would like to lay
a complaint with you, then,
because you were wrong.
I haven't gone
through a breakup.
I haven't gone through
a breakup because
you have to be with someone
in order to break up with them.
And that--I'm not--
that's not ha--
I didn't do that.
That wasn't me,
so you were wrong
and quite--
quite rude, actually.
- Right.
- Yeah.
Also, I would like
to purchase my clothes back.
- I can't stop you
from doing that.
- No, you cannot.
[huffs]
Where are they?
- Over there.
- [chuckles]
Okay.
Well,
being the generous member
of the community that I am,
and considering
this is a charity shop,
I am more than willing to
pay double for those clothes.
- Oh, you've
come into some money.
- Yes, I have.
Yes, I have.
[chuckles]
I have, actually.
I have.
No.
No. No!
No, no.
- This has been
a real roller coaster.
- Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
[sighs]
- It's not in there.
- Then check your bag!
- Why would I check my bag?
I specifically remember
giving it to you.
Then you rode off with it.
- Yeah. Okay.
- You check your pockets?
- Of course I checked
my fucking pockets!
- All right!
Don't go off at me.
- Fuck!
- Whoa! Stop!
- Why would you give it to me
this time of the day?
It's like you don't even know
who I am.
Of course
this was gonna happen.
- Now it's my fault?
- It's--it's England's fault,
okay?
And you're a part of that,
so
I have to go to my other job,
which I'm late for.
- Well, good riddance, 'cause
you're sacked from this one!
- You can't sack me!
I don't work for you!
- Hit the showers!
You need to cool off, bitch!
- I am so sorry I'm late.
- Oh, um, you're not late.
[chuckles]
- Oh, my God.
- Good thing you're here,
though.
I have the list.
- What?
- The list of things
I don't like about you.
- Oh, yeah.
Today's not a great day--
- You're a snob.
You're stubborn.
You're insanely competitive.
You've got us banned
from most pub quizzes
in a five-mile radius
of this place.
You blame most things
on capitalism
even though you buy
a lot of things online,
and I know that because
you get most of it sent here,
which is against work policy.
Sometimes you pretend to see
films when you clearly haven't
just to seem smart.
Bodposer?
What was that one?
Oh, bad posture.
Yeah, that's it.
Bad posture.
You can hit me quite hard
sometimes,
and even though
I know you're joking,
it's still technically assault.
Sometimes you're mean,
you give the worst apologies,
you give really bad hugs,
and you wear too much perfume.
Sometimes.
Andthat's it.
Was that enough?
- Yeah, I reckon.
Do you feel better now?
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
I don't feel anything for you
now.
- Cool.
Great.
- What are you doing here?
- I have no idea.
I just spent a day
doing a shitty job,
because I can't afford
not to do it,
because I just got fired
from my other shit job.
SoI'm busting my ass
to stay in the city
I'm not even from.
Like, I--I didn't choose
to move here.
Obviously, I moved here
because of,
you know, and
that didn't work out.
So I decided to stay,
and I don't know why I did,
because I fucking hate it here
half the time anyway.
People are somean here.
The air is literally poison.
Everyone I know here
is an alcoholic.
Everyone's like,
"Oh, go overseas, Jessie.
Do your overseas experience.
It's gonna be great,"
which is fine.
That's totally fine,
but I don't anything
to show for my time here.
I work at a cinema for
pretty much no money,
I haven't done anything.
I haven't done anything.
And I'm old now.
I'm so old!
I'm 28!
I mean, I thought
that I would at least
have been divorced by now.
At least be with someone.
It's not like I have any family
here either.
[sighs]
I don't have a person.
I mean, Kate is
my emergency contact.
Kate.
Do you know how scary it is
to have Kate
as your emergency contact?
And I know
as I'm saying it out loud,
I can feel myself--I feel like
a whiny piece of shit.
I can hear that, but I
I know it's my own fault.
It's my own fault
that I'm here.
And that I'm me.
And this is my life.
And then, I have bod poser.
- I-I actually meant,
why are you here?
'Cause
you're not rostered on tonight.
- [laughs]
Fucking hell.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry.
I've had a really bad day.
[groans]
- Oh, mate.
- [chuckles]
Also, I didn't get us banned
from that last pub quiz.
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't.
'Cause he was a dick.
- Jessie, you yelled
at the quizmaster.
- Yeah, but he--
He deserved it. [chuckles]
That list was savage.
- You told me to do it.
- No, but I thought
at least it would have,
like, a fun twist at the end.
[both laugh]
I can't believe
you're over me already.
- Sorry.
- I was kidding.
- Sorry.
- Ow?
[knocks on door]
Why are you knocking?
- 'Cause I'm afraid.
- [sighs]
Come in here.
Sorry I was a bitch.
- Good.
Because I brought you
a present.
[chuckles]
- Oh, my--oh, Kate.
I didn't even want
any of these.
- Well, neither did
the general public apparently.
They were a steal.
Like, so cheap.
- Great.
- [chuckles]
- I feel sad.
- What's going on, then?
- I think I have to go home.
- You are home.
- "Home" home.
- Well, um, you can't.
I burned your passport.
[both chuckle]
- Like, I want to go home.
- Right.
- [sighs]
You can't go!
What am I gonna do?
- You survived
before I got here.
- Well, I don't want
some random weirdo
living in your room.
- I'll get someone nice,
and normal,
and really hot.
- You're really hot.
- Well, someone
who could pay rent.
- That'd be nice.
- [chuckles]
- If you go,
you'll forget about me.
You're not gonna remember me
when you're old.
- Yeah, I'll try really hard
not to.
[both chuckle]
My dear, remember
those heady days
when your gorgeous flatmate
brought you back these clothes
you never even cared for?
- How could I forget
the most utterly charming?
- My darling, weren't
our 20s outrageous?
You bedded a damn movie star
and tossed him aside
like a plaything.
[both chuckle]
I'm gonna miss you.
- I know.
I'm great.
[both chuckle]
- You want a tea?
- Yes, please.
[melancholy music]
♪
[sighs]
- This could be the last video
I ever take of you.
- Shut up!
You can't say that.
Kate?
Kate, I--
I didn't consent
to any of this!
What did you do?
Oh, my God.
- Let's not get upset
in my own videos.
This could be the last video
I ever take of you.
- Shut up!
You can't say that.
That's horrible.
[laughter]
- Oh! Cute!
Yeah, a little flower girl.
- Are you taking a photo,
or a video?
- No, it's a video.
- Kate, no.
- Aw.
- Okay. Okay, go on.
- [sighs]
♪