Summer Love (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

1
- (THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
- (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(WAVE CRASHES)
(BIRD SQUAWKS)
SONG: Summer love
is like no other love
Ooh, yeah!
Summer love is like no other
Love
Ooh ♪
('THE ONE' BY KYLIE MINOGUE PLAYS)
Starlight shimmers everywhere
There's a certain something
in the air
Can you feel what I feel in me?
It's in the air, electricity
- Oh-oh, glimmering ♪
- (MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY)
You don't know the words, do you?
Two hours of Kylie is a lot.
Wow. I'm going to have to revoke
your gay membership.
Do I get to play MY music?
Absolutely not.
Because you'll play something sad,
like Thirsty Merc.
What's wrong with Thirsty Merc?!
There is not enough time, Luke.
Oh, I need to piss!
Well, can you hold?
We'll be stopping in 25 minutes.
You know I love it
when you plan my toilet breaks.
Oh.
OK, tell me.
Are you transplanting a human heart?
No.
- A human liver?
- No!
- Gwyneth Paltrow's head?
- Ooh, we should watch that again.
Ha.
Is it
Luke, it's an incredible dinner
featuring no human body parts,
and that is all you need to know.
I love that you're cooking.
You know I have this weird thing
for Gordon Ramsay.
Oh, I'm well aware.
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Ooh.
Oh! It's the birthday girl!
How's the big trip?
Have you died of boredom yet?
No.
- I heard that.
- Whoops!
Happy one year, homos!
We didn't think
you'd make it to six months.
Oh, thanks, mate.
I still cannot believe you are
abandoning me on my 30th birthday!
You were 30 last year.
That is not the point!
(RATTLING)
Hello? Are you there?
- Are you drunk?
- They're always drunk.
Olly, I need your diva playlist
from New Year's Eve.
Uh Hey, the phone's doing
that weird freezing thing.
It must be bad reception.
I'll I'll call you on Tuesday!
Don't worry,
we'll be drunk soon too.
Yay!
I got three bottles
of that nice champagne you like.
Ah! Look at that!
We're not camping, are we?
You You know
how I hate tents and sand
and the the beach
and the outdoors.
And I need an oven
Olly, this is my gift to you,
so just trust me, please.
OK.
I AM excited.
Me too.
Just don't be so excited
that you pee your pants.
(CHUCKLES)
(SNIFFS)
And it's not too barnyard-y, is it?
- It's actually more grassy.
- Ah.
(SNIFFS) It's one of my favourites.
- (DOG BARKS)
- MAN: Luke!
- Oh, my God!
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
- What a
- Mwah, mwah.
..pleasant surprise!
- You guys look great!
- Lies! I've stacked on three kilos.
But I warned Sebastian
on our honeymoon
that I couldn't see the point
of getting married
- if you can't let yourself go.
- (LAUGHS)
OK, I know this looks
like a piss stain,
but I swear to God it's just water.
Oh.
- Hi.
- This is my boyfriend, Olly.
Oh!
This is Sebastian from uni
and his husband, Alexander.
- Oh, right! With the two Frenchies.
- Right.
Just the one now.
Um Bella passed away
three months ago.
- Oh, no.
- Shit. Sorry!
(DOG WHINES)
Are you down for the weekend?
We're here every weekend, babes.
- We're renovating.
- Oh!
- It's a nightmare.
- Oh.
Are you down here
looking at the market?
The farmers' market?
- (CHORTLES) He's adorable!
- Ohh! (LAUGHS)
Um We're just just down
for a couple of days.
- We're celebrating our anniversary.
- Yeah.
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Congratulations!
- Congratulations.
Thanks.
Well, Luke, if you
do do decide to buy down here,
you're going to have to use
our buyer's agent, Tracy.
- A power lesbian.
- She's incredibly scary.
- Penned an amazing deal for us.
- Yeah. Private offer.
- No auction.
- No fuss.
Heaven!
(LAUGHS)
We're going
to have to have you both over
when we finish our second bathroom.
Matte black finishes,
double basin, frosted glass.
You will die.
Sounds great.
Well, this one
has a dinner to cook,
- so we best
- Ohh!
Yeah, it was really nice
to meet you.
- Good to see you.
- Enjoy your little getaway.
- Happy anniversary.
- And it was nice to meet you too
- (SNARLS)
- Jesus!
Princess Diana!
(GASPS) Behave yourself.
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
(WAVES CRASH)
Holy shit.
Is it OK?
Did you book this place
just so you could clean the windows?
Because in the photos
it didn't look as
Oh, my God, I can see Tasmania.
Or, as other people call it, a boat.
How much did this place cost?
I'll tell you
if you tell me what's in the esky.
Nice try.
Oh.
Yum!
Is there a price list or
I think it's all complimentary.
(LAUGHS)
What, seriously?
Is it too much?
Uh No, it's perfect.
I
Thank you for not taking me camping.
And this is lovely, by the way.
Banksy.
Ah, I believe it is a Picasso
from his Kmart period.
(LAUGHS)
Don't you be funnier than me?
Mwah!
I think I've screwed up.
We should have stayed in a hotel
in the city or something.
Hey
..just tell me where the oven is.
Oh, it's in the kitchen.
(WAVE CRASHES)
(MOANS SOFTLY)
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
(PUFFS)
(CHUCKLES)
Stop it.
Roasting pan?
(DISHWASHER TRILLS)
What is a roasting pan?
(PUFFS)
(CONTROLLER BEEPS)
(WAVES CRASH, BIRDS SQUAWK)
Oh, God.
Ugh!
(READS) "10 minutes at 200 degrees.
"Internal temperature is 75
"or until juices run clear"?
Eww.
Crushed it.
(BOTTLE CORK POPS)
Never have I ever
lied to get out of work.
Ha! I lied to my boss to be here.
What time is dinner?
I'm not going to fill up on cheese,
don't worry.
(SIGHS)
Right.
Never have I ever broken up
with someone via text message!
Where are the hard ones?!
- Did you hear a car?
- Mm-mm.
- Never have I ever
- That sounded like an engine.
What are you doing, you psycho?
Uh Nothing.
We don't have to play the game.
We could read a book.
Ooh.
John Grisham.
- I didn't know you could read?
- How dare you?
Mm!
(ALERT TONE QUACKS)
The chicken!
I think it was a duck.
Ha! A chicken!
You're basting a chicken.
No, I'm not.
(WATCH ALERT TRILLS)
Maybe we should
have the cheese board inside.
What the hell?
Everything OK over there?
Yes.
(QUIETLY) Fuck, shit, fuck!
Oh.
(CLICKS)
(CLICKS)
Ah.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Luke, stop!
What if it's the owners popping in
for a chat? No, we should hide.
Just come down.
Stand here.
Quick.
Stand there.
Actually, no.
Stand there.
Take that off.
(PUFFS)
CoupleSeekingThird?
- Jett 4U.
- Yes, right.
I'm Luke. This is Olly.
Hello.
Olly, this is Jett 4U.
Oh, you can call me Jett,
that's fine.
Ah, yes, of course. (EXHALES HEAVILY)
That's your app name.
Uh What app?
Ta-dah!
Happy anniversary.
Oh! Happy anniversary!
Mwah!
I made us a cheese board.
That is so sweet!
Mwah!
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
This is what I think it is,
isn't it?
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
I googled
"how to plan a gay threesome"
and found this app called 3WAY
- Yes, I know the app, Luke.
- ..and Jett4U, sorry, Jett
..just popped up.
I haven't ruined
your chicken schedule, have I?
- No.
- Good.
In fact, dinner's a little way off,
so this
..is amazing!
(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
Lucky there's no neighbours, eh?
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
Lemon or lime?
Squeeze of both, if you don't mind.
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
Cheers to
- ..this.
- Being gay.
(GLASSES CLINK)
Fancy place.
Are you guys rich?
He is. I'm not.
I'm still on prepaid,
he's got franking credits.
I have no idea what they are.
Ah!
Who's up for another one?
Jett, please,
help yourself to some cheese.
Sorry if you're vegan. Are you vegan?
I spotted your toe ring before.
Ooh! God, it's hot in here!
Olly, can you sort that out?
Anyone else melting?
Do you press the snowflake
because you want it to BE cold
or because it IS cold?
I don't mind it being so hot, boys.
Have you got a light?
BOTH: I don't smoke.
It's fine.
(ELEMENT CLICKS)
Turns out we do have a light.
Oh. No.
Sorry to be a wet blanket,
but, uh well, studies have shown
that marijuana can stay
in your system for up to 30 days,
and I actually have to drive home
on Tuesday, so
OK. I'll just stop talking then.
(MOUTHS SOUNDLESSLY)
(MOUTHS SOUNDLESSLY)
(GASPS)
(COUGHS)
You guys are really cute.
Ahh
(BIRDS SQUAWK)
So, I'm guessing whoever owns
the Audi out front's the top?
(SPITS)
Uh No. Sort of.
- Well
- It kind of depends on the night.
Yeah.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Alright
..I think we just need
to take a deep breath and chill.
Oh, I
When I was backpacking
through India,
I learned this traditional
massage technique.
Either of you ever been to India?
- Nope.
- No?
Oh, beautiful place.
Beautiful people.
I spent most of my time on Tarkarli
Beach. It's just north of Goa.
If you ever find yourself
over there,
I really recommend
you check it out.
It's sort of like the
It's sort of like the Bali of India.
- Mm!
- Mm.
So, tell me how kinky are you two?
Are you into role play?
- No.
- Not really.
What about leather?
No. Should we be?
Is leather different to role play?
- So, you guys use toys then?
- Ha! Well, I'd say yes,
but I'm scared of what
you'll pull out of your tote bag.
- Dirty talk?
- No.
No. I'm so sorry.
Oh, don't be sorry.
You guys are on PrEP?
Yep.
Oh, wait. Are Are you still on
- Yeah, of course.
- Ha!
You two have never
had a threesome before, have you?
Well no.
I haven't. Olly has.
Several times. Before we met.
Yeah.
Actually the last one I had was with
this weird couple at a baby shower.
Both called Adam. Couples
with the same name - major red flag.
But, you know,
I had to go home with them because
I didn't have money for a cab.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Mm.
Oh.
- Mm.
- Hm!
Right on.
Now, uh whereabouts
is the bathroom?
I like to shower before I shag,
so
(SHOWER WATER PATTERS)
You all good down there?
(SCOFFS) A-OK.
- Maybe he's shampooing his hair.
- Shh!
Do you think
he wants us to join him?
Do you think?
Wait, what are you doing?
Should I knock?
(WHISPERS) I don't know! How did
you start your last threesome?
- Alcohol and drugs.
- At a baby shower?!
Shh!
- (SHOWER STOPS RUNNING)
- Shit!
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
Uh The blue towel behind the door,
that's for you!
Good one, Mum!
Or the white one.
Sorry.
Well
..here we are, gentlemen.
- Hm!
- Yep.
Do you mind if I get in the middle?
Oh, you do you, yeah.
I'll just
Sorry.
(SIGHS)
So, show me how it's done, you two.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Now is someone gonna kiss me or
I mean, I will.
If that's OK.
(CHORTLES)
Sure thang!
Mm!
Ha.
Your turn.
Oh.
- You ready?
- Oh! You bet.
Oh.
What's wrong?
Oh! Um Strong weed.
(LAUGHS) No, keep going.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah!
Go!
What are you doing?
Uh
I need to check on the chicken.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Olly, wait!
Olly.
Olly.
Olly!
Olly.
(KNOCKS) Olly!
O
Uh Help yourself to whatever.
That one's not too barnyard-y.
(YELLS) Olly!
Olly, what are you doing?
What What's the matter?
Is it Is it Jett?
You said it was awesome.
You kissed him.
You should have
checked with me first.
Yeah.
Because we were supposed
to be having dinner
and I went to a lot of trouble
to get that chicken.
OK, we can still have
You know, I went to Coles
at 8:00AM this morning.
I set an alarm!
To go get a frickin'
organic chicken!
Because when I went yesterday
they were sold out,
and Nigella was very specific,
she said it had to be organic!
- (CRUNCH!)
- Ow!
Fuck!
And this is why I hate the beach
because there are shells everywhere!
Are you OK?
No!
And And this is just
really fucking typical of you!
- Excuse me?
- Yep.
Well, you rent
this ridiculous house.
Is this about money again?
No, it's it's about
you making plans without telling me.
I was trying to surprise you!
You organise this whole trip.
YOU make all the arrangements.
YOU drive us down here in YOUR car.
You don't have a car!
You don't have a licence!
I mean, someone
has to make the arrangements!
You know,
someone in this relationship
has to actually act like a grown-up!
Fuck!
It must be so nice to never
take responsibility for anything!
To just throw a tantrum
like a five-year-old
- whenever you feel
- (EXPLOSION)
Fucking hell!
Oh, my God, the chicken!
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God!
What the hell happened?
I just came out to light my joint
and then - bang! - the whole
thing explodes and almost kills me.
- Are you OK?
- No! Obviously not.
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
Olly, move!
Agh!
Jesus Christ, Olly.
Did you turn the gas on
and not the barbecue?
You could have burnt down the house!
Well, this himbo lit the match,
not me.
You're going to blame Jett?
Really?
Look at the chicken!
Oh, my God.
You bought a chicken.
Congratulations, you big baby!
Do you want a a sticker?
Oh, I'm the baby?
I'm the five-year-old?
Huh?
What are you doing?
Ha!
Fuck!
There!
- Is that a
- Yep.
Why?
So that I could ask you to marry me.
You put a ring
inside a chicken's butt?
(LAUGHS)
It was its mouth, Luke.
Everybody knows that.
You two are insane.
This was the worst threesome ever.
Never contact me again.
Namaste.
(SNIFFLES)
I guess, uh
..when we get back
I'll be moving out.
O OK.
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
(WAVES CRASH)
(MURMURS)
Oh.
I thought you deserted me.
I just went to get this.
How exactly were you planning
on getting home?
It's called a bus, Luke.
I know we broke up,
but that's very dramatic.
Can I help?
Um Sure. If you like.
- It's a reverse thread.
- Yes. I know.
Let me pay for the gas bottle.
(SIGHS) I'm not worried
about the money.
Well, you paid for the house.
You bought an organic chicken.
Sorry.
I shouldn't bring up the chicken.
I know I almost blew up the house,
but I proposed,
and you made fun of me, so
I was in shock.
30 seconds before that,
you were calling me a control freak.
I never said that.
I can read between the lines.
And, anyway, I was high.
Oh.
So that makes it OK?
(SIGHS)
I am sorry about the explosion.
I know you are.
(CHUCKLES WEAKLY)
Right.
Well, I'd better get going.
There's only two buses on a Sunday.
I don't want to get married!
Yes, I picked up on that.
No, I mean
..at all.
- To anyone.
- What, never?
I thought you'd want to get married
for the paperwork alone.
I think marriage is a
..a shortcut.
We marched, Luke. I made signs.
And we won.
They didn't make it compulsory.
And I don't want paperwork.
Leaving me should be easy.
The fact that you don't
is what matters.
Well, you've never told me
any of this.
I didn't think I'd have to.
Why? 'Cause I'm too immature?
No.
I didn't think
you were the marrying kind either.
I thought this whole
secret anniversary holiday
was one big hint
that you wanted to get married.
Have you never seen a rom-com?!
What?
This was honestly
just a holiday to hang out.
And then I panicked
and organised the
- ..the
- The big, gay threesome.
Yeah, that.
I'm sorry.
It was just this house and the view
and that flicky frosted glassy thing
and I just thought, "This isn't Olly.
"This is boring."
I dragged you away
from your friends and
..for what? Cheese?
(SCOFFS)
I should have checked with you first.
Yeah, well,
I would have said, "Go for it."
It turns out watching you
kiss another guy was not hot.
I want you all to myself.
You do?
I didn't think I was enough for you.
Enough?
Luke, I bought a ring.
I asked you to marry me
because I thought
that if I didn't (CHUCKLES)
..that I would lose you.
Are we the worst gays ever?
Maybe.
(BOTH SNICKER)
You know who's really good
at being gay?
BOTH: Sebastian and Alexander.
Ohh
Married with dogs or orgies -
are those really our only options?
No.
There's what we have right now.
The way we live already.
Oh.
That's nice.
Yeah, it is.
I love living with you.
And you make me laugh. A lot.
I love living with you.
And every now and then
you make me laugh too.
(LAUGHS)
Love you.
I love you too.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Mmm
Did we just quote the Kmart canvas?
Mm
We need to get the hell
out of this house.
Uh-uh.
You are stuck here with me
for two more nights, mister.
- Mm.
- Mmm
You didn't tell my mum
about the ring, did you?
- Fuck, no!
- Oh, thank God.
Telling my mum
I don't want to get married
will be harder
than telling her I was gay.
Mm-hm.
Ooh! Hang on.
Let me get you REALLY horny first.
- Oh.
- Mm.
SONG: They said love hurts
I wrote that book
I climbed that wall
I had one look ♪
Ohh!
But you just came around
To say hello ♪
Well, the joke's on you,
because it's working.
So, tell me
Why
- Charlie?!
- What the hell are YOU doing here?
This is my anniversary weekend.
I do believe it makes it
my anniversary weekend too.
Trial separation
means trial separation.
This ain't black Ross and Rachel.
A dating app?
Yeah, you're not really going
to go through with that, are you?
- You're
- Zeke.
Charlie's husband.
Oh, I think I left something
in the in the taxi.
Captions by Red Bee Media
Copyright
Australian Broadcasting Corporation