Superwog (2017) s01e05 Episode Script

1 (MUSCLE CAR ENGINE ROARS) Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Please, enough.
Today, I'm going to bake you a huge birthday cake.
I've been preparing this for three weeks.
Honey, the one with the crushed almonds.
OK.
I'm going to make it with extra love.
Thank you, but I think I would prefer extra nuts.
You see, there are only two ways to get Bitcoins.
You either buy them or you find them.
OK, OK.
So, how many have the computers found? Well, I don't know.
What? You're telling me we've had these on full power for three weeks and they've got no Bitcoins? Hold on.
Let me log into the account.
(BASHES KEYBOARD) Alright.
I'm in.
How many has it made? We've earned four Bitcoins.
What happened? It's got double the power now, but it's using double the electricity.
Are you sure your dad doesn't mind? Yeah, bro.
He doesn't know anything.
He doesn't even know what day it is.
Alright.
Leave everything the way it is.
Don't let anything interrupt the connection.
I'm going to go home.
You want to get burgers later? Yeah.
BOTH: Bitcoin boys for life! What's wrong? The electricity bill.
This is madness! It has to be a mistake.
Don't worry.
I'll make you the cake.
You will feel better.
Boy.
What? Did you see the electricity bill? Nah, man.
Why? It is over $6,000.
No, it's not.
No family in the world uses that much electricity.
This is astronomical.
What are you looking at me for? It's probably your electric blanket.
What is all this? Why are all these fans on? It's cooling down my Bitcoin mining rig.
Bitcoin? What is Bitcoin? It's an online currency.
It's the way of the future.
I've already made, like, four Bitcoins.
My net worth is, like, 800 bucks.
Really? Where? Show me the Bitcoin.
I can't, it's digital.
You cannot even show me one Bitcoin? It doesn't work like that.
(CHUCKLES) You are useless.
Yeah, yeah.
Your backward brain is too tiny to understand this stuff.
Me, backward? You are the fucking idiot of the family.
You do not know what you are doing.
This is a scam.
Switch it off! No! When I become a millionaire, the first thing I'm gonna do is put your fat arse in a smelly nursing home, Aussie-style.
Yeah? Yeah! You'll be eating devon for breakfast every day.
Here! No, Dad.
No! No, no, no.
Don't.
Please, Dad.
You idiot! Fucking take this out of my house.
OK! I thought you said he doesn't care! Yeah, but I didn't think the bill would be that much! Well, Tony Robbins says you've got to spend money to make money.
OK, plug them in your house, then.
No.
Well, what are we gonna do? Forget it, man.
It's too much effort.
What the hell? What happened to Bitcoin boys for life? What happened to making millions? - Yeah, but - No! What are you gonna do, walk away? Tony Robbins wouldn't walk away.
Where are we gonna find free electricity and internet? Think.
What would Tony Robbins do in this situation? Tony Robbins would say, "I get knocked down, "but I get up again.
" Isn't that Chumbawamba? Yeah, but Chumbawamba stole it off him.
Oh.
BOTH: Bitcoin boys for life! Excuse me.
Hello.
I think there has been a mistake.
OK, what's happened? You see, my bill.
It says 5,434.
56.
There is no mistake.
That's the amount.
No, but I only use an electric blanket.
The only mistake is that it is two weeks overdue and hasn't been paid.
But it is my birthday! It doesn't matter.
How would you like to pay? Do you think I am stupid enough to pay a $10,000 electricity bill? Unfortunately, you have no choice.
You have to pay it! And what if I do not? What if I do not? Your electricity will be cut off.
You will cut my electricity? Yes.
You do not give me electricity.
Only God gives electricity.
God give human electricity, not you! Yeah, I mean, if you guys really want, you can put them in here.
There's hundreds of computers.
No-one would notice.
You can come in now if you want.
Yeah, alright, bro.
We'll be there in 20 minutes.
Mate, you sure we can trust this guy? Yeah, I went to school with him when I was a kid.
One time I used his fingers for a finger-painting project and he didn't dob me in.
- No way? - Yeah.
Man, that guy's decent.
That's decent! Through here.
Excuse me.
Who are they? They're with me, helping with IT.
Do they have temporary passes? Here.
Right, go on.
Right, go on.
Get back to work, you idiot! Fuck, slaves.
Why youse all look so depressed? Smile.
How's work going, mate? Good, thanks.
Don't forget to take your one hour lunch break, huh? (LAUGHS) Hey, are you a millionaire? No, no, I'm not.
Do you know Tony Robbins? Can you give me his number? 'Cause I want to ask him a question.
Hey, bro.
You got 10 bucks? Bro, give me 10 bucks now.
I need to get home.
Have you got it? Slip it in my pocket, go.
What are you doing, bro? Give it to me.
Hey, bro.
You got five bucks? Alright, it's up and running.
Hey, bro.
Keep an eye on it.
Don't let anyone touch it.
Yeah, of course.
I'm here, like, 10 hours a day.
My office is just there.
So, I'll always have my eye on them.
Alright, good.
Steve, you're a sick cunt, man.
See ya later.
Honey, honey.
The electricity is off! I know.
What do you mean, you know? The electrical company did it.
Why? I don't know.
You don't know? How can you not know? Did you talk to them? I'm gonna call them now.
I told them.
I told them to fuckin' do it.
Why would you do that? They want me to pay the $15,000 bill.
Do you think I am a fucking idiot? They are thieves! I will not pay, even if it kills me.
How do you expect us to live without power? I will get power.
How? Man walked on the moon.
I am a man.
You think I cannot make electricity? Make electricity? You can't even make your own bed.
How am I supposed to make the cake? I already started making it.
I do not want the cake! I want to make it! You are going to enjoy this cake, even if it's the last thing you do.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- What? Bro, in 10 minutes, we earned 87 Bitcoins.
What? What? The air conditioning in the building must be making the computers more efficient.
That means in half an hour we'll have earned hundreds of Bitcoins.
Cryptocurrencies such as Bitcoin have risen in value by over 1,000% in the last two hours.
Anyone mining Bitcoin on their computers are likely to be serious winners right now.
So people are using computer power to mine Bitcoins? Yes, that's right.
How many Bitcoins do we have? About 200.
Let's say you have 200 Bitcoins.
Before the price increase, they'd be worth a measly $10,000.
Now, they'd be worth over $500,000.
(RELAXED, FUNKY BEAT) Nothing says success like a Ferrari.
Yeah, yeah.
Think of the looks you'll get from everyone who ever doubted you.
Yeah.
All the people who told you guys how dumb and ugly you look, who made fun of your contorted and weird body shapes.
OK! We get it! So, I take it you're interested in this one? Yeah, we want two of them.
- One each.
- Both? Yeah.
You understand? You're looking at a couple of Bitcoin billionaires here.
Will you need finance for that? Finance? Yeah, how will you be paying? BOTH: Bitcoin! What is this? A solar panel.
- A solar panel? - Yes.
If you had half the brain of a donkey, you would know it converts electricity into sunlight.
I will lodge it into the ground and everything will go back to normal.
Honey, you need a shovel.
Get a shovel.
No! I will do it the way I think is best.
How long is this going to take? I need to make the cake.
How will I make my cake? Look at you.
You're an idiot.
Why can't you listen to me? Use the shovel.
OK, I will use the shovel and I will bury you.
What did you say? I will use the shovel.
OK.
Now, let me see.
You did it? (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) Oh, my God.
My cake mix is going off.
You've wasted my whole morning.
I wasted your whole morning? You wasted my whole life! It's funny how life works out, you know? Things can happen just like that.
Your whole life can turn around.
You want another burger, Steve? - Um - Get him another burger.
Can we get another burger over here? Jeez, thanks, guys.
You itch my back, I'll itch your back.
We're gonna look after you, Steve.
Thanks, man.
You guys are too nice.
Listen, Steve.
I'm going to come in tomorrow to update the software on the computers.
Oh, no.
You can't.
Why not? Today was my last day.
What? Today was my last day.
What do you mean, today was your last day? I don't work there any more.
My contract ended today.
What the fuck are you talking about? I was on a three-month contract.
And? It ended today.
Why wouldn't you tell us that? I don't know, you didn't ask me that.
OK.
It's fine, it's fine.
Just give me your pass so I can get the computers back.
I don't have a pass anymore.
So how am I going to get my computers, you fucking dumb arse? I don't know.
Why are you asking me that? You little shit! Cancel the burger order.
Cancel it! You fuckin' scumbag! This was my only opportunity.
Think! Think! What would Tony Robbins do in this situation? Fuck Tony Robbins! Fuck Tony Robbins! Now you will see my work.
Let there be light! Oh, my God! It's a miracle! It's a miracle! You see, this is all natural.
I can't believe it.
Let me make you something small before the cake.
Can I make you something small? OK, make me something small.
You see, nobody can stop me.
I am a genius! (THUNDER CRACKS AND RUMBLES) (RAIN PATTERS) WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME? I cannot let you in without passes.
We have passes.
This is a Krispy Kreme rewards card.
Yeah, but look how many points I got.
This is a piece of paper with "building pass" written in pencil.
So? You are not coming in here.
There is nothing you can do to come in here without a pass.
It's as simple as that.
My shit is up there.
They fuckin' stole my stuff! There is no chance you're getting into the building.
Good afternoon.
Yeah, mate.
Fuck, have you spoken to the scaffolder? BOTH: Fuckin' hell.
Hey, mate.
Check out this guy.
Who's that? Yeah, we need another fuckin' renderer on the job.
Yeah, mate, I called them! I told them! I already spoke to them twice! What level, guys? Level 9, dickhead.
Certainly.
Ya dickhead! Bro, this is unbelievable.
It's like we're invisible.
Yeah, sorry, mate.
It's not gonna be ready till Thursday.
Alright.
You fuckin' wanker.
What'd you call me? I said it's not gonna be ready till Thursday.
OK, yeah.
You butthead! (BLUE DANUBE WALTZ BY JOHANN STRAUSS PLAYS) (GRUNTING AND PANTING) Keep going, keep going! Faster, you idiot! How much longer will you be? I haven't raised the flour and I still have to finish the icing.
Hurry up! Hurry up! Come on! Ride faster.
The TV isn't working.
Change the channel! Why do you have to have the TV and the drier? Because that's how I do it.
Do you have a problem with that? Yes, I do! Where are they? Where are they?! - No, no, no, no! No! - (HYPERVENTILATES) Johnny, breathe breathe! Hey, bro.
We're looking for two computers that were in the other room.
Computer? Yeah, one had a Hot 4 sticker on the side.
- No.
- What do you mean no? No mean the opposite of yes.
What All computer in this building belong to us.
What happened to those computers? We are going to reformat them.
Listen, you dumpling, if you don't give me the computers, I'm gonna reformat your head! (SPEAKS CHINESE) OK.
What do you mean, OK? OK mean the opposite of not OK.
Are these the one you after, fat boy? Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You good man! - Xie, xie.
- Ni hao ma.
You are good man.
Ee uh san su wu lu ji ba jo shi.
(OTHERS LAUGH) (BOTH CHUCKLE) That was close, man.
I just wanna cash out and run.
Yeah, me too.
What the fuck? Oh, no! No, no, no, no! They gutted it! They fuckin' gutted it! (BOTH LAUGH) Bitcoin boys for life! Do you want me to cut you another piece? Yes, please.
(PEOPLE LAUGH AND APPLAUD ON TV) Thank you, my dearest wife.
Didn't I tell you I could do it? Yes, I am very impressed.
And this is all free! Wow! You are so smart.
I know I am.
This is the best birthday ever.
Cryptocurrency Bitcoin has risen to an all-time high as hundreds of investors all over the world have become instant millionaires.
Bitcoin truly is a force to be reckoned with.
This is extremely interesting.
What is Bitcoin? All I hear is Bitcoin.
Bitcoin is a digital currency.
It is the way of the future.
(DOOR OPENS) Hey, Theo, you are home! - Yeah.
- Where you going? Stay with us.
Nah, I'm going into my room.
Hey, Theo, you know Bitcoin is extremely valuable now, boy.
It is going to become the gold of the future.
Why couldn't you be like all these smart boys on the TV and do something with with Bitcoin? They are all millionaires while you are sleeping all day long.
It is my birthday! I'm gonna kill you, ya fuckin' dog! Shit! Uh-oh! Faster, you idiot! Come on! It's not working! Keep peddling, Dad! Faster, faster! Captions by Red Bee Media Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation No family in the world uses that much electricity.
This is (LAUGHS) Sorry! Ya butthead! (LAUGHS) You are the fuckin' idiot of the family.
Why can't you listen to me? Use the shovel! (LAUGHS) Me backward? (LAUGHS) Do you know Tony Robbins? Can you give me his number? You are the fuckin' idiot (LAUGHS) Fuck this guy.
Ah! Get off me! You butthead! (LAUGHS) Oh, mate! You're an idiot, mate! Why? Go to the abandoned rail yard.
That's not scary.
That's nothing.
Bro, the government blocked it because people were going in there, right, and they were talking to the dead.
Tupac! (HEAVY METAL MUSIC) - What the fuck? - Stay there! We don't have any change, alright? There are no cops! There is no law! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! I'm not having sex with either of you.
Ahhh! Holy shit! Johnny! Johnny!