Switch (UK) (2012) s01e05 Episode Script

1 I feel .
.
immense.
Psst! Him, nightclub toilet, bottle of poppers and a mobile phone.
I'm just not all about sex.
The truth is, this is the pitch we need, isn't it? Bollocks! Why is Gerry naked in your room? Gerry and I are together.
That was for Grace.
He'll be doing his nut.
Someone should give it back to him.
You'll er probably see him before I do.
GLORIA LYNNE: Speaking of Happiness (KISSING SOUNDS) Speaking of happiness You never thought of mine Oh, erm Sorry to er It doesn't matter.
I'll get something else.
Oh! Excuse me! Sorry erm Sorry.
I didn't realise Yeah, sorry.
It's fine! We like seeing you kissing in the kitchen, don't we? Not really! I haven't had my yoghurt yet.
Don't listen to her.
She's just jealous.
We're all jealous.
Not really.
We are.
Yeah, not really.
We are! We're not though.
Ignore her.
She's just jealous cos her love life's not going anywhere.
They're queuing round the corner for you, aren't they? I haven't got a job.
That's my main priority.
Exactly.
You have a job.
What's your excuse? Is that my yoghurt? Yeah.
Me and Jude think it's lovely, don't we? You gonna wash that board? In the city where I'm from There are lovers to the dawn And you stayed up to see the sun I couldn't wait that long Who's gonna get up After we're gone? Who's gonna get up After we've fallen? Who's gonna pick up What we've done wrong? Who's gonna get up After we're gone? You know those girls you tried to set me up with and I turned them down? Mmm? Can you give me their numbers? Can anyone lend me £20? STELLA: You need to get a bloody job! Have I got time for a shower? Of course.
Is this is weird, me and Gerry? It's fine.
You sure it's not weird? You're so cool! (SIGHS) I wish I was cool.
Any minute now he's gonna be like you know "Grace, why are you staring at me?" "Why do you stop breathing when I'm near?" Help me be cool around him.
Just relax! Claire from Cricklewood coven just Tweeted asking for a wicked tutor for her friend's kid to get into a new coven.
Ha! She's such a tool! I don't get it.
Her snobby friend wants a witch to tutor her kid so they get into a good coven.
I could do that.
Two hundred and fifty quid! I am so doing this! Does anyone know any reputation switches? I'm gonna be a tutor! (ELECTRO MUSIC) (SINGS) I don't wanna fly away.
I don't know where my home is Er This was in the bathroom.
(MOBILE RINGING) Hello? Yes.
This is Hannah Bright.
Yes! I do offer that service.
Er My rates? Well erm Hmm Is this what it's gonna be like? Her following him around like a bloody rabbit? Fantastic.
OK.
See you later.
Bye! (SQUEALS) I got my first pupil.
The switch worked.
(GIGGLES) ALANNAH MYLES: Black Velvet (MUSIC ENDS ABRUPTLY) Thanks for putting my underwear on the radiator.
It's amazing! It's like having sex but you can get your whole bottom inside as well.
I amsober.
OK, so I should probably go.
It's fine.
I'm relaxed.
But I did have fun last night.
Yeah? I am, pfft, relaxed about this but what are, what are you doing today? I'm a rock star so champagne, strippers and signing autographs.
Apart from that? Changing lettering on 200 posters.
Pens.
Have you got any pens? What for? Erm Well I don't want him to go and if I help with some posters then he'll stay.
Don't try figure out what's going on in his head.
Relax! I am, he's got a problem and if I help him with it then he'll realise that I am nice! Why are you so obsessed? Where's your fucking pens? I'm sorry.
I just don't want him to go yet.
(DOOR CLOSES) (PHONE BEEPS) Hey.
I-It's me.
Wh-What are you doing? Hannah Bright? Yes! Come in.
We're expecting Solstice in Chipping Norton.
We're going to mixing with some very powerful witches.
You're looking for a coven? We can't let anything get in the way of her getting on.
I'm working three jobs to pay for all the extra tuition.
Do you live here? Yes, with my coven.
Do you want a cup of tea? No, no! I'm late for work.
I'll see you at eight, then I'll take you to fencing.
I thought it was Conversational French? French is Monday, horse riding Tuesday.
Wednesday, Public Speaking, Thursday, Elocution.
Friday, ballet.
Saturday, Wicca and late-night fencing.
(SIGHS) That's a lot of extra tuition! If this goes well, I know a lot of other mums I can send your way.
See you at eight.
So, welcome to Hannah Bright's school of Sparkling water, slice of lime.
Sorry, would you like a drink? Yes, I'd like a drink! Sparkling, ice, lime! Now! Jeez! Is this? Rosehip, nettle, algae and woodbine.
It's cool, isn't it? Mmm.
Mmm (BUZZER RINGS) Someone order an erection? Morning! Alright? Is that the guy from the Camden Castle? Made me untrue I gave another man What belongs to you I know I accepted (MOANING) (GROANING) JUDE: That's it, Mike! I can slot you in around 1:30.
OK, great.
Bye.
Speed dating.
(BANGING AND CRASHING OVERHEAD) (MOANING) Natalie, hi.
Stella Monroe.
Hello.
(SCREAMING) That's-That's the neighbours.
A couple of quick-fire questions to get you warmed up, Natalie.
(YELLING) (BOTH SIGH) (MIKE GROANS AND PANTS) Yep.
Good.
Huh, yeah.
I'm gonna just come right out and say this but er That time we met, I saved your name as Fit Tits.
I can't remember your name.
I'll take your picture so (CLICK) Hmm.
Hmm.
Sothe thing about Wicca is it's all about balance.
Do you want to write this down? You're getting paid, you write it down.
OK erm Balance.
You can only get balance when the four Elements are in concert.
Earth, Fire, Air and Water.
Air and Water are cooling elements.
Fire and Earth are warming elements.
Listen, Hannah.
It's Hannah, right? Yeah.
I need to get an edge on everyone else.
Do you understand what I mean by 'edge'? Yeah Has anything you've said given me an edge? Probably not, no.
"Probably not, no.
" So the question I'm asking you, Hannah, is Are you up to the job? If you're so smart, why don't you do the lesson? Fine, I will.
Historically, covens are created by Earth elements bearing children and forming with three daughters.
I actually didn't know that.
Well, Mummy's invested heavily in my extra tuition so What was your last coven like? Oh, pfft, well There's been so many it's difficult to say.
What was your Air element like? I'm an Air.
It's funny how we're all a bit the same.
Was she always losing things? Losing things? Oh! Losing things, all the time, yeah.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Had to slap her.
Such a twat! Nightmare.
(CLEARS THROAT) You have been in a coven, right? You're 15 years old, you must have been.
(CLEARS THROAT) Well, I'd like to talk about seasonal spells What about playground covens where you all go around holding hands? You have been in a coven?! (EXHALES ANXIOUSLY) Well, I mean Maybe not officially but (SIGHS) (LAUGHTER AND INDISTINC CONVERSATION) Is it? No! (LAUGHS) Mike Did you only come around forsex? I thought that was the point.
GRACE: No! Stay.
Hang out.
I've got work.
Pull a sickie.
(SCOFFS) Are you serious? I never pull sickies.
I never ask you to stay.
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND) (DOOR SLAMS) (RINGING ON LINE) Hello, Robbie.
Look erm I can't make the grant meeting today.
Yeah, something's come up.
I've got a stiff ermneck.
(LAUGHTER) Let's see how stiff that neck is.
I love my job.
My family.
I've got a nice life and I want to share it with someone.
What's your name again? Julia.
You've got a great look but that was distinctly average.
It's a no for me I'm afraid.
When you first sat down I had high hopes but Nerves just got the better of you.
Next.
Ugh! Next! Next! I'm gay.
I'm Trevor.
No, I am gay.
I've been speed dating women in case you hadn't noticed.
Well, that could change.
So, 44.
Financially solvent.
All my own teeth.
I'm here for a good time, not a long time.
In short, I put the 'rev' back into Trev.
And 'off' is the direction I would like to fuck.
Hmm, what if I told you that deep down I'm the sensitive type? Cat lover.
CoCo.
Meow! How about you put your digits in there? The only digit you'll be getting from me is this! Pfft! Wh-why do you have so many clothes? I design clothes.
I made that.
I made that cushion.
Oh.
What's in the cushion? Feather, down.
That one's something called visco elastic foam.
Erm What do you do? Huh? For a job.
Me? Oh erm I work for The Museum Of Natural Science.
In the shop? No.
I'm a curator.
Of the museum? No.
Er Marine Molluscs and Cephalopods.
I preserve the largest wet specimen.
It's a metre and a half giant clam.
I had a tank designed and built and filled with formol-saline and (MUTTERS) Yeah.
So yeah The Museum Of Natural Science.
What's a mollusc? (GIGGLING) ALABAMA SHAKES: Hold On Do you wanna sit here? Yeah, sure.
Bless my heart Bless my soul So er Coffee? No, I don't do caffeine.
Really? I've got loads of herbal teas.
Oh, no.
I'm not really a hot drink sort of person.
Squirty cream? I just have it straight.
No? Erm Sunflower seeds.
I'm fine.
Rice cracker? No, honestly.
(SONG CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND) Choc ice? Yes.
Great.
Y-You like choc ice? Yeah! Yes! (SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY) Listen, Tups, if I can get you into a coven your mum is going to send all the other mums my way and I can stop being skint.
I think I know why you've never been in a coven before.
It's because you don't have any friends, am I right? What do you do with other girls? Whatever I want.
What do you do to relax? Whatever I want.
OK, if you had some people to hang out with, what would you do? Whatever I want.
(SIGHS) You're such a dick.
I'ma dick? Yes! You don't have any friends because you're a dick! No one talks to me like that! No one talks to you anyway! I don't have to stand for this! Tuppence! Get out of my way! I'm sorry.
I'm the dick.
You are a dick! It's just, your mum gives you everything.
That's normal.
Doesn't your mother? We're not talking about my mum.
The point is, your mum can't buy you friends.
You have to earn them and you can.
You just need a bit of help from me.
I'm not a dick? No.
You're not.
I am.
Say, "You're a dick.
" You're a dick.
(SNORTS) Oh! Oh! You made a little joke there.
Yes, I did.
Well spotted.
Right, you can make friends.
I know you can.
Can't you? Yes.
Right! What do we want? Friends.
When do we want them? Now! Let's see what you've got.
(JUDE SIGHS) Lunch looks like a disaster.
We might have to head out.
I've just got random shit.
I've got some seafood from yesterday.
Do you want lunch? Er Shit! I better get going actually.
Oh, is there anything else I can help you with? Er No.
I've got everything I think.
Thanks for last night.
See you later.
Oh! Y-Your jumper.
(SIGHS) (DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS SHUT) Aah! Oh God! Well, I suppose I did pull a sickie.
Normal rules don't apply.
Can we wash these Mytilus edulis? Are these molluscs? Theseare molluscs.
These wonderful creatures survive in deep, dark depths of cold and darkness by clumping together to form a gang.
We can learn a lot from these fellas.
And these are Mercenaria mercenaria.
So good they named them twice.
(LAUGHS) Molluscs are actually quite cool.
Exactly! That's what I'm saying! They're the gangsters of the zoological world.
I mean, a calcareous shell, unsegmented body.
What's not to like? Exactly! I wish I could take you to my meeting.
The Director of Research is a real bitch for the Herpetology wankers.
What's Herpetology? Reptiles, amphibians.
They get all the funding.
I HATE lizards.
Where have you been all my life? Hello.
Er Tuppence Mill.
Erm look, if we're going to be friends, you need to project less sexual confidence.
It's mistaken for sexual availability which I don't think reflects well on either of us.
Mmhmmm! Good effort, we just need to work on a few things like thinking about the other person's feelings.
Hey! Gerry has justgone.
That doesn't mean anything, does it? Let's ask Tuppence.
Think about Grace's feelings! Oh, OK erm Well, have you made any plans to see each other again? No.
That doesn't mean anything, does it? Only that he feels nothing for you.
Oh shit! I booty call! I booty call! Looks that way.
No! No! The first time we had sex I was under a confidence spell and then last night was the first time with the real me.
Oh! Grace! Thatwas amazing.
Thank you.
I wasn't thinking it could get better than this morning.
But, it has.
Now, I know we hardly know each other but Do you erm? Do you want to go out with me? What?! You can cook.
You can erm You've got a good job.
I don't know.
Are you sure? Alright, yeah.
(MOBILE RINGS) Oh! It's Robbie.
Wish me luck.
Good luck.
Robbie.
Did we get the funding? How were the dates? Don't ask.
I think I just got a boyfriend.
What? Oh! Good! You and Gerry are all like You know.
Yeah.
I was going to ask you about that.
Would you mind ringing him for me? Why? I don't want to be a complete psycho but you're so much better at this and you can call him and ask him to come around, will you please? Why do you need to hang out all the time? I need him to want me.
He's a bloke.
If he thinks he can sex, he'll come around, Mike did.
Not with me.
Yeah, I've had sex with him.
If that's all I have to offer he won't be coming back.
Why? I don't think I'm very good at it.
(SIGHS) MIKE: Was Fred there? Ask him to come around tonight.
Hey, Gerry.
It's Jude.
Do you erm? Do you want to come around tonight? My mobile died.
Grace's mobile died and she's thinking about numbers.
What did you say, Robbie? What time? You two-faced manipulative bastard, Robbie! (YELLS) NO! I will destroy you, Robbie! I'll turn you into an invertebrate with my bare hands! I will soak you in formol-saline, put you in a jar, and label your pathetic fucking ball bag FOREVER! HUH? I will kill! DIE! ARGH! (YELLS AND GRUNTS) (PANTS AND SIGHS) Didn't get the funding.
Broke that It's alright.
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN) (RATTLING) What the hell was that about? He He really wanted the funding? What makes you think that? (LAUGHS) Tell him to go, Jude! No! Look We've all had bad days at the office.
He's just passionate! I thought more of you lot.
You're so quick to judge! He killed his phone with his shoe! I've got to go.
Don't! He's crazy! I won't find a girlfriend in the bathroom! Gerry's coming over and I don't want him ruining everything! Yeah, and I don't want him scaring Tuppence any more! This is my career, you know! Don't worry about me, mate.
No! I'll be fine! (LAUGHS) Sorry about earlier.
(SIGHS) Robbie really winds me up.
(SIGHS) I'm glad it happened here and not at work though.
A couple of molluscs would have got it, would they? Something like that, yeah.
Erm Where are you going? I think I'm going to pop into Gerry's rehearsals.
I said play it cool.
I think it's better to see him before he gets here.
(MESSAGE CHIMES) Oh.
Oh, this isn't mine.
It must be Stella's.
Take it to her.
Remember everything I said.
Don't come back until you're friends.
OK.
(STAMMERS) Oh Hello.
I-It's Tuppence.
You've a message from Pussycat Mole.
Give it here.
Who is Pussycat Mole? Just some girl that I liked on a dating website.
Erm Seeing as we're both Earth elements, do you find everyone is more sensitive about things? They're too wet for their own good.
This girl could change everything, 'A' grade salary, HATES Irish dancing Perfect! See, with a bit of organisation and tenacity, you can get anything.
Like a coven? Or a girlfriend.
You've just got to put the hours in.
Come on.
Sit.
Let's practice small talk.
Oh, OK.
Well erm Er Oh, it's hard! (BOTH LAUGH) We're rubbish, aren't we? Small talk won't help you anyway.
Really? It's proven that people narrow their mating opportunities using age, weight and height as proxies for socio economic status.
You might be perfect for Pussycat but she'll judge you on how fat your arms are.
Before you know it she's left you with the bill and taken the mints.
Are you saying I've got fat arms? Oh N-No, no She's not going to like me? No, I never said that! Because I've got fat arms! I'm not good at this.
You horrible little arse pipe! I'm getting dressed to go out and you say stuff like that! What is wrong with you?! Please, I'm just trying to You are such a dick! Get out! Sorry! I don't know whether to laugh Or cry over you How did it go? I don't know whether I'm wrong Or wrong about you Tuppence! Oh good luck! What if she's really picky like me? What if I like her but she doesn't like me because I've got fat arms? (KNOCKING) Tuppence! Oh, fucking hell! These cakes are delicious.
(SIGHS) I've parked up there.
So? I saw a traffic warden go up that street.
I'm going to have to sort this out.
Don't eat all the cakes.
I'm not having it.
There's no band called Taliban I'm being serious.
Ask him.
Wh-what are you doing here? Aah, well.
I thought rather than waiting for you to come round I'd pop by.
With cakes.
(LAUGHS) Hello, I'm Yeah.
You don't need to meet them.
Why not? We'rerehearsing.
So You're sitting around drinking.
We're artists.
Give us a break.
I'll come round after.
Don't bother.
(YELLS) For the band, not for you! He ran off down there.
Oh, God.
Are you worried? A bit.
(PIGEONS COOING) Where's Tuppence? She's locked herself in the bathroom and she won't come out.
(DOOR OPENS) What happened? Nothing.
You were out of milk.
Tell me now Tell me now And show me how Show me how To understand Understand What makes a good man Tell me now Tell me now And walk the line Walk the line Hey understand Understand What makes a good man Do you have Chinese? I feel like Chinese.
Erm I-I-I don't think so.
What about Indian? I could do Indian or Lebanese.
Oh! Mezze platter! (SMACKS LIPS NOISILY) I'm not really sure this is working for me.
Why? I don't know really.
Well, it's great.
We're great, just give me one reason we shouldn't be together.
There's no one reason.
I want a reason.
Lots of things.
Give me a reason! I've got a boyfriend.
Argh! Why? I'm an idiot.
Where is he? Away.
Where? Oil rigs.
(SIGHS) The oil rigs.
I er I have needs.
I'm not a good person.
Is he still away? That's the thing.
He's back.
I just had a message while you were out.
I had a message and he's back early so er.
I missed out on the biggest grant of my career for an afternoon with you.
I know and if it wasn't for this other guy, you know Hello, boyfriend.
I should go.
What if I talked to him? No! Yes! You deserve so much better than this.
You shouldn't be neglected, sleeping around behind his back.
Together we can confront him.
No, that's not a good idea.
What time's he coming round? He's got a terrible temper.
I lost my funding for an afternoon with you and you know what? You're worth it.
Now, what time's he coming around? About eight? Perfect.
Leave this with me.
(MIKE PANTS RAPIDLY) (JUDE SIGHS) PEACHES: Why Don't you Talk To Me? Why don't you talk to me? Excuse me.
Is that clock right? I'm standing here alone I know you'll never phone Stella.
Hi.
I was just leaving.
Don't let me stop you.
Just been in a meeting, potential new client.
Don't ask.
Can't talk about it.
Right.
Just er Off home now.
Why don't you talk to me? Are you alone? Yeah.
Yeah, I've been stood up.
Oh dear.
Do you want a drink? I thought you were in a rush.
Oh, well I'm sure my cat won't mind waiting another hour or so.
Two ermTory Wankers, please.
BARMAN: No problem.
Why don't you talk to me? Tuppence, please come out! TUPPENCE: Go away! How did it go? Fine.
Erm I need a bath.
Grace, you only ever have a bath when something's freaking you out.
What's happened? Nothing, it's fine.
I'd just like a bath! No problem.
Just go back in, yeah? TUPPENCE: Go away! (SIGHS) She's locked herself in.
What happened? Nothing.
You know You click your fingers and they come running whereas I sleep with them and they leave running.
(YELLS) Open this door now! Did you have a fight? Before I felt like I didn't have confidence.
Now I feel like I've lost confidence which is way worse.
Let's just calm down.
(YELLS) I AM calm! (ALL EXCLAIM) Just let me go.
I want to have a bath! OK, how about? How about we do a little truth switch on Gerry? We'll ask if he liked you and you'll know what's going on.
Erm Stella's on a date so A switch got you into this mess, another will get you out.
A truth switch? Yeah.
OK.
But Stella's out.
Tuppence, have you been listening? TUPPENCE: Er Yeah.
Do you want to help? Erm OK.
(ELECTRO MUSIC) Look, I'm an Earth element.
I know how to cut that up.
I could do it for you.
(TOGETHER) Spirit gracious.
Spirit kind.
Please let us into someone's mind.
Make him utter only truth.
Show his hand and offer proof.
Reveal intentions good or bad.
Is he for real or Jack the Lad? (WIND HOWLS, LIGHTNING CRACKS) (SIGHS) (BASS GUITAR) You're shit! Don't be like that.
I'm sorry but I slept with your girlfriend.
You what? Yours tried to sleep with me but I turned her down.
(PLAYS CHORD) I mean, why do people do that? Why make an arrangement if you can't be bothered to turn up? Shoddy.
Stella? I didn't have a meeting.
I have been stood up, too.
No way! Fucking way! (SIGHS) Why? Why?! Nobody stands me up without getting an abusive email.
Hmm.
(PHONE CHIMES) Here we go.
Lame excuse alert.
Oh, she's here.
Red dress.
(CLEARS THROAT) You're Pussycat Mole.
You're Camden Girl 87.
You're not gay! Janet? Listen, when you've been through the amount of arseholes I have, you tick "Interested in men and women, too.
" I really fancied your profile.
Are you telling me the type of woman I go for is my boss? What is wrong with me? What's wrong with me?! The most fulfilling relationship I have is with a cat.
Trevor.
Come and take a seat.
Piss off, Trevor.
This is my bossJanet.
Show her CoCo.
Who's that? That's my cat.
CoCo.
Timmy.
Oh! He's a beauty.
British Bombay? Yes.
Two Labour Spin Doctors, please! (BUZZER) JUDE: Hi, babe.
How were the oil rigs? (MIKE GRUNTS) GUY: Never mind that! Where is he? Who the fuck you think you are 'ey? Screwing my bird then trying to shake my hand? What's your encore? Slapping my mum? Pissing on my dad? You've got every right to be upset, mate.
I'm not your fucking mate, dick lump.
(MOUTHS) C-Can everyone just calm down, please? Shut it, Daddy's talking.
Don't tell her to shut up! Or what? (CRACKING) ARGH! Jude, he's standing on my toe! Get off my toe, you heffalump! Get off his toe! Mike! He pressed down on it on purpose! Listen, both of you! Look I-I'm sorry.
This is all my fault.
I'm the one who's behaved like a cow and I'm sorry to both of you.
This is my fault because I'm a blood commitment-phobe.
I can't go out with either of you.
What? We walked about having babies, sponsoring Africans.
I'm not ready for a relationship.
I'm a commitment-phobe.
I'm not ready for friends to have relationships.
You're jealous of me and Gerry.
Not jealous of you, jealous of him.
He's got you to himself.
All you do is talk about him and follow him around.
I'm not ready for that.
I'm not like that.
You are! Look, I'm sorry I said I was cool with it but I'm not.
I'm not cool with who you become when he's around.
I'm sorry.
I will be cool with it but not yet.
Sorry, I don't want either of you.
I just want my mates.
Selfish beast! Are you sure? Totally.
I don't know what to say.
Should probably leave.
Yeah.
Mate, you go.
I'll stay.
I'm not going if he's staying! Will both of you just go, please?! I'm not sticking around here to be humiliated.
Don't bother, mate.
She's not worth it.
I know.
Who do you think you are? Rihanna? I wish! OK.
I mean, look at ya! With your fake nails and '80s weave and your muffin top! Turning us down?! Phish! Take a good look at me now.
Next time you see me will be in one of your sex dreams.
Come on, Mike.
Let's get pissed! (MOUTHS) TAKE THAT: Relight My Fire Batting for both sides, mate? Ignore the crack head.
Hello.
I've left the band.
What happened? I want to say artistic differences but I'd be lying.
Let me look at it.
You know Jude puts recycling with normal rubbish? I can't believe you! Sorry! I can't be bothered sometimes.
Oh, you are in so much trouble.
(WHISTLES) You must be Hannah's new student.
How's it going? Well, I've learnt lots.
But she's not a proper teacher.
I know but she's a proper friend.
She'll be doing something else next week.
Running away from her problems.
Alright, Gerry! Right.
Erm Why didn't you let me meet the band earlier? Were you embarrassed? Yeah.
Oh.
Fine.
Of the band, they're such a bunch of Indietwats.
I'm not like them.
You're not like them.
What do you think about Grace? No! You don't have to! I'd love it if Grace and I could have like afling.
Oh.
Like a no strings kind ofsexthing.
No commitment.
But I can't do that.
Why not? I fell in love with her last night.
(EXPLOSION, SCREAMING) TUPPENCE: My iPad! Remind me to talk to you about lifting spells.
Oh! TUPPENCE: I've had the best day ever.
What have you learned? Loads.
Stella let me drink alcohol.
Who's Stella? I was kissed by a boy.
What boy? And I broke my iPad.
I can explain.
But the best thing is, I cast a spell.
What?! A truth spell.
(GASPS) How was she? She was brilliant.
You've done a great job.
But, Mum, I don't want to get into the best coven.
I want to get into the right coven for me.
OK.
You know, Tuppence doesn't need all this extra tuition.
She just needs practice making friends.
Perhaps she could start with you.
Why don't you skip fencing and take your mum out to say thank you? Let's go for dinner.
OK, fine! Hurray! I've never seen her like this.
Thank you, Hannah.
(SIGHS) (KNOCKING, DOOR OPENS) Oh, clearing up for Solstice? Something like that.
Where's Grace and Gerry? I think they are (MUMBLES) (LAUGHS) Alright.
Hannah Do you erm? Do you think I'm a bad friend? What? Of course not.
I think I was a dick about Gerry.
No, you weren't.
I should be happy for her.
You're happy for her.
It's not going to take her away from us.
What if it's never the same again? It will be! We finally got you back.
If she loves him she'll move in with him and I don't think You can't worry about stuff like that.
Our coven hasn't lasted this long because we haven't changed.
It's lasted because we change all the time.
Look at these photos.
Oh! Look at your hair! Don't! I've avoided half of them.
(LAUGHS) Look at Grace.
What are you looking for? Ah, just having a sort out.
No, you're looking for something.
I can help.
It's fine.
Please, I feel like a bad friend.
Let me do something.
Tuppence's mum was so excited about her first switch it reminded me of the first time I cast a spell.
My mum took a picture of us with my casting spoon.
It must be here somewhere.
I've looked everywhere.
I hate being an Air element! I can't find anything ever! What you want it for anyway? (SIGHS) I don't know.
It's just now I've thought about it, I want it and it's stressing me out! (SIGHS) You sure it's just the picture you're missing? (ACOUSTIC GUITAR) (LAUGHTER) (STELLA SIGHS) (GRACE GROANS) How was the date? Yeah, it went brilliantly, just not for me.
I don't think I'm the best person for the job of finding the right person.
GRACE: Solstice might be a good place to find somebody.
You alright, Brightie? Does anyone know (ALL SIGH) .
.
where my mum is? I need to see her.
I'm wanted There's nowhere I can go We're leaving for Solstice in one hour.
If you're not out the door by ten, make your own way there.
I've got to come! This is his shirt.
I need a switch to stop him coming and need it pronto! Let's move it now! (BUBBLING) (WHOOSHING) Oh! Oh! Thank the sacred spirit! (CLAPPING) Oh, don't stop cuddling, girls.
That's major cutesy fluff there.
What if it's your year to read the ceremonial incantation? What if it's your year to shine? (SHOUTING) Gerry! I fucking love your mum, Gracie!