Tear Along the Dotted Line (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

1
A NETFLIX SERIES
["Strappati Lungo i Bordi"
by Giancane plays]
REBIBBIA RULES
[funky electronic music plays]
Won't you save me… ♪
[Zero] The two of us may be losers,
but we're not complete psychopaths,
so at some point,
Alice and I basically became friends.
Otherwise, we'd have been
like Dawson and Joey from Dawson's Creek.
And rather than looking
like a 35-year-old cry baby,
I'd sooner put on a belt of firecrackers
and blow myself up on the Milvio bridge.
[birds cawing]
The fact remains
that I'd be dating someone
and she'd be dating someone,
but we talked about it.
Even though we knew we were both dating.
We were happy,
but we never talked about it.
It was like homosexuality
in the American Army.
It's totally fine!
Just don't tell me and I won't ask,
and that's cool with me!
[phone chimes]
[Zero] We only told each other
when the relationship ended.
I actually think that one of the reasons
it wasn't spoken about
was that at one point
she was trapped in a bad relationship,
which happens to a lot of people.
I still don't know all the details.
Maybe I didn't wanna know.
But I think there was something horrible
and toxic lingering over the relationship.
It's hard to talk about now,
because if you know that
someone's been violent towards a friend,
you probably shouldn't do something that's
a testosterone-fuelled outburst of rage.
So you hurt my friend?
I'll slit your throat, you bastard!
I'm gonna kill you!
Instead, you try to stay close to her
and support her
so she can get out of that situation.
There's always time and opportunity
to go slit his throat afterwards.
There's no statute of limitations
on those things.
With hindsight, we'd all know what to do.
The truth is she'd almost vanished.
When we asked how she was,
she'd always say…
[robotic] Oh, I'm fine. Thanks.
[Zero] When they argued,
she'd cry for two days,
but she'd always go back to him
and defend him to the bitter end.
[phone chimes]
In the end,
you get tired of chasing people.
You've got your own shit
to deal with and think,
"Fine. If she doesn't want help,
no one can force her. Who am I, Mandrake?"
[jazzy scatting]
Which in principle
is a respectable position,
but it's also an excuse for when
you don't wanna be close to someone.
Only your conscience knows
where the line between the two is.
I'm taking notes on this.
No external court
will be able to say shit about it.
-[birds chirping]
-[dog barking]
-[snoring]
-[Psycho theme ringtone sounds]
[Zero] One day, they called it quits
more definitively than usual.
Drama, tears, snot, devastation.
Jesus, Alice. Really?
It's 2:00 a.m. If you make me
leave the flat at this hour,
you can't fuck him again for a month.
Or I'll call 999 and tell them
you're copulating with the bins
at the Aqueduct park.
I'll make up all kinds of shit,
I swear to God,
you'll end up in rehab for three months.
[robotic] I swear, it's finished.
Even if you make up,
even if you still love him,
even if he turns up with 450 red roses
singing "Perdono" by Tiziano Ferro,
you have to say, "Look, I'm sorry,
but that poor bastard got up at 2:00 a.m."
"Now it's only fair that you'll just have
to jerk off for a month, okay?"
[robotic] I told you, it's all over now.
HAPPINESS IS COLLUSION
[Zero] If I ever have to leave
the house after 9:00 p.m.,
my body feels triple the effects
of gravity, like on Jupiter.
I had to call the armadillo
to muster some courage.
[groans] Would you come too?
Won't be long. Just an hour.
-And he replied…
-Yes, if you take the car.
I'll follow you in the, uh…
what's it called again? The thingamajig.
Oh yes, I'll follow in the absolutely not!
[engine starts]
[gentle instrumental music plays]
Don't be scared of what's to come ♪
It's all for you… ♪
[car engine starts]
How did you forget ♪
It's all for you… ♪
[lift pings]
Looking back ♪
Afterwards ♪
[Zero] I don't remember anything we said.
I just remembered
it was like there were two of me.
I felt like I was
on the outside looking in,
watching this scene of two people hugging
more on that night
than they ever had
in all the years they'd known each other.
She said some very profound things
that I can't remember,
but had very strong emotional weight.
I remember just one sentence…
[robotic] It's really not important to me
whether you're always here for me,
but I need to know that when you are
with me, you're really here, you know?
[Zero] Holy mother of God! No, I don't!
I don't understand
any of this sort of thing.
It's one of my limitations.
I'm the undefeated champion
of practical help,
the Michael Jordan of customer service.
You're my friend and your car
has broken down in the middle of nowhere.
I'll put on my shoes, be right there.
Hungry? I'll stop
at McDonald's drive-thru,
buy 800 burgers, and leave a kidney
as collateral if I can't pay.
Thirsty? I'll get water from Fuji Springs
and carry it to you in my ears.
I can do anything practical
that I can comprehend with my five senses.
But anything that's more abstract,
that needs emotional support,
all those unpredictable things,
I just don't fucking get it!
I get paranoid!
What do you mean when I'm with you,
I have to really be with you?
Come on, Alice. You don't think
I'm trying to trick you, do you?
That I'm telling you it's me,
but actually, I've sent a hologram?
So I just don't get it.
Is it, like an emo thing?
I'm getting anxious.
I'm scared now that she'll say
something even more emotional.
How on earth will I respond?
We're hugging, we're saying stupid things.
Now it's clear
that soon we'll have to kiss.
It should be a wonderful thing,
but I feel the same way as when
you know the police are about to charge.
They're lined up, ready to go,
you know it's only a matter of seconds.
You survey the area,
keep an eye on the street to the right,
the only one not closed off.
And you know that this balance,
this surreal calm is about to explode.
As soon as they charge, you'll have to run
and throw yourself in there.
Meanwhile, you're thinking, "Should I?
Would I be a coward if I ran?"
We've come to the climax of the tension.
I can't stand not doing anything.
One of us has to take responsibility
and make a move.
[heartbeat pounding]
I come to my senses
and utter the most beautiful
and poignant sentence that comes to mind,
which is what Beatrice says to Dante
when they meet in heaven.
[romantic music plays]
Uh, do you think the ice cream is melting?
I know it's not exactly
what Richard Curtis would've written
in one of his unrealistic,
sickly sweet romantic films.
Bleurgh!
But, you see,
I have grown up alongside someone
who for 20 years has had
only one fundamental, existential need.
-Shall we get ice cream?
-Shall we get ice cream?
Shall we get some ice cream?
[Zero] From that moment,
the night is manageable again.
I drop half my pistachio ice cream
on my lap,
we stuff ourselves with food
and watch repeats of Gilmore Girls.
All those cliched things worthy
of a couple of desperate housewives.
["Haut Les Coeurs" plays]
[Zero] At 4:00 a.m.,
I say goodbye and head home.
["Haut Les Coeurs" continues playing]
[keys jangling]
[door unlocking]
-Did you get laid?
-No.
Well done. That's great.
You're a black belt
in avoiding life, you are.
Fifth dan.
[slurping]
["Haut Les Coeurs" plays]
END
[indistinct muttering]
[Zero] It's true,
I'm the king of avoiding life,
but that's because
change makes me anxious.
I'd like an unchanging, mummified life.
But the universe and mummification
don't get on well together.
Every so often, it feels the need
to smack you in the face.
The universe is as rude
and immature as a teenager.
Like the other night,
I was standing outside the cinema
when I heard a voice say…
Zero, is that you? [giggles]
[Zero] I looked at a mouse girl
looking at me and thought,
"We don't actually
know each other, do we?"
I only thought it, I didn't say it.
[slurping]
But I think
she somehow read it on my face,
because she said…
What's wrong with you? It's me,
Valentina. You used to tutor me.
Whoa! That's right!
It's the two-headed mouse girl.
I remember now!
Did they have to surgically remove
your friend at the neck?
Tell me more. Was it painful?
Did you have to get it done privately?
Who are you talking about?
What do you mean, who? Your friend!
You were fused together.
You'd write things like,
"I love you. You're my life."
"More than a sister, you're my soulmate."
You know, you squeaked in unison.
Ah, you're talking about Ludovica.
That was only until summer.
She spent all of July in Rapallo,
I went to Ansedonia with my mummy,
and we never saw each other again.
I don't linger on the lifelong friendships
of teenage mice,
so I try to make conversation, like,
"What are you up to now?"
"Have you graduated?
Was it this year or next?"
[giggles] Neither. I just work now.
I think, "Holy mother of God,
she was an awful student."
She should've at least finished school
and graduated, for God's sake.
These stories of kids dropping out
of school tear me apart.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I know you didn't get English,
but you could've done something else.
I dunno,
gone to a vocational school maybe.
I have a degree in modern literature.
I'm an editor at a publishing house.
[system shut down]
[system start up]
Now hang on, that can't be possible.
I feel like I'm in Interstellar.
All the timelines are getting mixed up.
What do you mean
you have a degree and a job?
You were in Year 9.
I blinked, and now you have a career?
Yeah. Well, it has been ten years.
[system shut down]
[Zero] This new awareness devastates me.
It's not so much the ten years,
it's fine, just a number,
cold and hard, who cares?
But it's the human information
that devastates me.
This person has grown up,
built their life,
become somebody completely different
from that two-headed mouse
who's now just a faded memory
of once upon a time.
While she was going
through all these changes,
it's like I didn't have the time
to do anything at all.
How have you managed to change so much?
How are you
something ontologically different
while I'm just the same old puddle
of gloopy sludges I was before?
Your mum used to leave you
alone with this guy?
Yeah. He wasn't like that.
He's got worse with age.
So this is completely unacceptable to me,
the thought that someone younger
could have any position of authority
scrambles my brain, I can't handle it.
Once I went to the dentist.
He was born in '89, and I thought,
"I have to let a man born in '89
put his hands in my mouth?"
"Are you gonna play with toys
while dealing with my oral cavity?"
Anyway, never mind.
The mouse girl gives me
an empathetic glance and heads off,
leaving me to reflect on my frozen life.
I realise that perhaps this shock
is the result of an error in judgement.
For a long time,
I thought that if I stopped
tearing along the dotted line,
that if I kept everything
completely static and didn't move,
I couldn't do any further damage.
Except that's not how it works.
If you keep the same bit of paper
in your hand for ten years,
even if you don't tear it,
it'll get ruined.
Your hands sweat, it gets damp,
and you fold it into the shape of a frog.
The result being, ten years later,
you're still holding this paper
you need to throw away,
even if you've not lifted a finger.
I watch her walk away,
and I'm comforted by the fact
that she seems to have turned out
to be a normal person.
She works. She's socially capable.
It doesn't seem like she's become a Nazi,
at least not the kind
that has a swastika tattoo on her face.
Sieg Heil!
[Zero] So she's the first person
I can put on my list
of educational successes.
You did a good job. You did a good job.
I say this a hundred times,
because I need to cling on
to positive thoughts,
Steal away ♪
Live for the moment
You say will be just fine ♪
Under the stars, we talk for hours ♪
The tales you spoke so divine… ♪
[church bell ringing]
My old friend ♪
Where are you going to? Let's… ♪
[Zero] I need to cling on
to these good thoughts.
Everything is going to plan,
except for smelling like piss,
being covered in grease,
having sweated like a kebab,
and now I've got a cold.
But the hardest part starts now,
because we're gonna stay
at this old couple's house.
[ominous music plays]
I hate staying
with people I don't really know.
You can't act
like you're in a hotel and say…
All right, I just need
to know the Wi-Fi password
and what time is breakfast?
Now do me a favour and fuck off, thanks.
No. You have to pay the toll
for being allowed to stay for free,
and the currency is being sociable.
Basically, as soon as you agreed to stay,
your body, but mainly your ears,
become the property of the homeowner,
who can do whatever they please with them.
Now I'll pick a subject to talk about
from this wicker basket.
Something you don't give a shit about,
like how to vacuum seal
fresh tomato sauce.
Your ears will bleed from having to listen
to me talking non-stop,
and just when you're about to die,
I'll grab you and pour you some grappa,
I'll heat up some meatballs,
slap you in the face,
and talk about tomatoes all over again.
My husband has been
the resuscitation technician
at La Guarda hospital for 40 years.
The CIA comes to him for lessons
on how to interrogate at Guantanamo.
No one has ever died on his watch,
even when they implore
Jesus Christ himself to take them.
[Zero] They don't talk like that,
but I can't do their accent justice.
Anyway, that was the gist of it.
We are hostages to their tsunami of words.
[cacophony of talking]
[Zero] I'm becoming dazed.
I feel as though I was being subjected to
one of those endless Mortal Kombat combos
that don't give you time to react
and you have no way of stopping
your opponent from hitting you.
I think I'm gonna head to bed.
I was up really early…
Sarah says,
and it's like a biblical salvation,
like Noah hoisting you onto the Ark
just before you drown.
Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry.
We've kept you up late
with all our chatting.
We're just so happy
to have you here with us.
[sentimental music plays]
[Zero] Finally, we're in our room.
Well, Secco and I are in one room
and Sarah's in another.
We're almost safe,
we're in our pyjamas and everything.
But, oh God, I need the toilet!
[tense music plays]
The bathroom
is on the other side of the house,
so I need to go
back through the living room,
where those two
white-haired beasts are waiting,
foaming at the mouth, for the river
to wash another carcass up
for them to pick clean.
[zombie-like snarling]
[Zero gulps] In this metaphor,
I am the carcass
and the river is my bladder,
[liquid sloshing]
Don't you need to go too?
I don't give a shit.
I'm not going back there.
I'd rather wet myself.
After all, it's not my bed.
[Zero] This would suit me fine if
we didn't have to sleep in the same bed.
I mean, the day began with piss
in that horrendous public toilet,
so it's only fitting
that the day ends like this.
However, I'm so shy,
I can't even go for a wee in the sea
unless I'm half a mile away
from everyone else.
so the bed is out of the question.
So I put on a brave face
and head towards the lion's den.
[dramatic music plays]
Can't you sleep? Would you like
to have some more meatballs?
No, no, I'm fine. I'm just off
to brush my teeth, but thank you.
And I think, "Now she's coming in
for the final blow, she'll start talking
about how to pinch pasta packets with pegs
so moths can't get in."
But then, she doesn't.
[gentle music plays]
[woman] Thank you so much.
It's so important that you're here
for Alice.
[Zero] Okay, before it was all the combos,
but now this is the shoryuken
that ends the game.
[pained yelling]
[cheering]
[clock ticking]
[Zero] The husband isn't even getting up.
He doesn't even try to resuscitate me.
It's the first time all night
that someone has said
Alice's name out loud.
Secco, are you already asleep?
I can't get to sleep
when I'm sharing a bed.
Well, at least us two
are in the guest room.
Think about Sarah,
sleeping in a dead girl's bed.
[ominous music plays]
[tap dripping]
[clock ticking]
[insects chirping]
ALICE'S LAIR
KNOCK
[soft rock music plays]