The Bondsman (2025) s01e05 Episode Script

1
[bluesy rock music playing]
Your lust is a liar ♪
Your ditch is deep ♪
Put your hand to the fire ♪
Soon you're gonna bleed ♪♪
[song shuts off]
[laughing]
I can't believe you.
You did such an amazing job.
That's two carats, baby.
Look at that. Look at it in the sunlight.
-You better post that on Insta.
-[laughs]
Oh, gosh.
I love it.
[engine rumbling]
[Malik] Can't be serious, bro.
That's a choice. [chuckles]
The fuck?
Baby?
Let's just come back.
-Nah, fuck that.
-Malik!
[Malik] Hey, brother, what's up, man?
How you doing?
I'm chillin' here with my girl,
and I just proposed,
you know what I mean?
Condolences, man.
Look, you think you could give us
the lake for just, like, an hour?
It's public property, bro, come on.
I'll buy you some big-ass mud flaps.
Just don't be a dick.
-[shouts]
-[gasps]
[Zoe] Malik!
Hillbilly motherfucker!
Malik, stop it! Stop it!
Stop! Malik!
Stop! Stop! Stop it!
Stop!
[shouts]
[Malik] What the fuck was that?
What is that?
[screams]
[gasping]
Baby?
Baby?
Baby. Baby--
[menacing music playing]
[screaming]
[upbeat country music playing]
Walking in the streets of this town
[Trish] Oh. Hey, Lucky.
[clears throat] You doing all right?
Oh, I'm aces, Trish.
Never been better.
I keep waiting and hesitating ♪
To take her away
[exhales]
Hey, boss,
before I put this order in with Sysco,
uh, are we canceling
the Hog Roast Hoe Down?
Now why would we do that?
[line cook] It's just
um, people were assuming
'cause of what happened.
[chuckles] Okay.
Okay, let's talk about what happened.
Hub Halloran set me up!
And it didn't fucking work.
So anyone assuming I'm down for the count
can pack their shit up
and follow Maryanne out the door.
And when she left
No takers.
Okay.
You hungry?
I can have the kitchen
fire you up something?
That ugly-ass green pickup out front.
That's yours, right?
It was a birthday gift from my dad.
How much you want for it?
Um
Looking for a place
you might be found ♪♪
-[birds singing]
-[insects trilling]
[somber music playing]
♪
Night, Ed.
Love you.
[suspenseful music playing]
♪
♪
[fingers snapping]
♪
♪
Fuck me.
[upbeat song playing]
♪
[chuckling]
Please give me your attention,
I got a message for you ♪
For you ♪
This is a new direction ♪
Just hear me out till I'm through ♪
-[humming]
I'm through, I'm through ♪
I know you take your time,
but the rhythm's so fine
[laughs maniacally]
Ooh, no! No, no!
[laughs]
Ooh… [imitates explosion]
This is my favorite.
Oh
you are beautiful.
God job, Midge. That one's beautiful.
-[timer dings]
-Now shake it my way ♪
-Oh, oh, oh ♪
-Now shake it my way
Midge, you coming or what?
Yep, sorry.
I'll be right out.
[indistinct chatter]
Hi.
Girl, stop working at your own party.
My love language.
-Well, this is mine.
-Oh.
And Mom made Dad spring
for the good Prosecco, so
bottoms up.
-All right.
-[glass clanging]
Thanks for being here to celebrate
Midge Kusatsu being named Atlanta's
best new pastry chef.
-[cheering]
-[whooping]
Now, we all know
my daughter and I have had issues
with her life choices.
Stand-up comedy?
Cheaper than sending you my therapy bill.
-[guests chuckling]
-[Joe] I'm just glad you found something
that you're actually good at.
I love you, too, Dad.
To Love Bites.
[all] To Love Bites!
Love Bites.
[Aiko] Help!
Help! Benji stopped breathing!
He's not breathing!
-Is he choking?
-I don't know!
Come on, Benji. Come on, Benji baby.
Benji, breathe for Mommy.
Breathe for Mommy, come on, you can do it.
Benji, come on.
Just breathe, just breathe.
Okay, okay, okay.
The lymphoma started suddenly
and is spreading so quickly.
It's in his lungs
and-and we need treatment now.
Pl-Please, it's
it's a covered procedure.
[insurance rep] Under our
platinum coverage, yes.
But you have our bronze plan.
What do I have to do?
The hospital won't schedule the procedure
without your pre-authorization.
Are you still there?
Yes, ma'am.
My baby's life is in your hands.
So I-I will pay you back every cent,
I promise.
And I, I will sign whatever it is
that you want me to sign, just
[exhales]
Please, help us.
Have you tried speaking with your bank?
[breathing shakily]
Thank you.
I tried, but Benji isn't eating.
Please, Mom, just keep trying.
[bargain hunter] Hey, how much for this?
Uh one fifty.
Oh, um
one hundred fifty.
For a rolling pin?
That is handcrafted from marble.
Worth 900.
Look, I really, really need the cash
to treat my kid's cancer, so
Congratulations on getting such a steal.
[paper shuffling]
Thank you.
[whispers] One fifty
[exhales]
[dark music playing]
[quietly] What are you?
-[computer chimes]
-[leprechaun over computer] H-Hey.
When hardships weigh heavy
and life's but a frig,
no need's too small, no dream's too big.
Say bye to your worry, hello to your goal.
[laughs] Fill me out to sell your soul.
Ha, ha!
H-Hey!
-When hardships weigh heavy
-Damn it.
-H-Hey! When hardships weigh heavy
-Shit.
-and life's-- H-Hey!
-Come on.
When hardships weigh heavy
and life's but a frig,
no need's to small, no dream's too big.
The fuck?
Say bye to
Fill me out to sell your soul.
Ha, ha!
Fill me out to sell your soul.
Ha, ha! Fill me out to sell your soul.
Ha, ha!
Fill me out to sell your soul. Ha, ha!
Fill me out to sell your soul. Ha, ha!
Fill me out to sell your soul.
-Ha, ha!
-[demonic laughter]
[upbeat music playing]
[horn honking]
[engine stops]
[Cosmo] Midge Kusatsu?
Ali Khan, Pot O' Gold.
But my friends call me Cosmo.
How did you people know my son was sick?
Straight to it, huh?
All right, cool, cool.
Totally gonna hook you up
with all the answers,
but first, your phone line works, right?
Need someplace to jack this in.
I'm broke, so if this is a scam,
then you are wasting your time.
Pot O' Gold's the real deal, all right?
Saved me from the gallows and got me
hitched to that smoke show over there.
Blow us a kiss, Sunshine.
Eat me, fascist.
Been married 54 years
and she's still mad I voted for Thatcher.
One time.
Can you believe that?
Your corporate health plan
will cover my baby starting immediately?
Yes, it will.
Well, then, Cosmo
I'll pretend to believe whatever you say.
Shall we?
Yeah.
[Cosmo whistling]
Are your terms of sales listed correctly?
Boss man's a stickler for the rules.
He'll hold you to it.
Um, "For Benji to be cured."
Yep. That's what it says.
[Cosmo] Groovy.
Then we'll get this done and fax it in.
Who still uses faxes?
Only way to reach Corporate.
Pot O' Gold's old-school.
When I started, it was telegrams.
Oh. And friendly tip:
When Benji suddenly gets better
and people start asking how,
d-don't mention Pot O' Gold
or your new job.
Not unless you like
a bit of trouble. [laughs]
What exactly i-is my new job?
Ah. Recruiting, mostly.
Later on, we might throw
HR headaches at you,
like processing returns
or supervising bondsmen, shit like that.
But starting out, you'll be selling
miracles in exchange for souls.
And I will be great
at pretending to believe that,
but just to set expectations
I'm horrible at sales.
I got fired from the Gap.
Hmm.
Then start with low-hanging fruit.
Yeah, that's what me and Sunshine did.
We used to stake out
courthouses, hospitals.
Total bummer,
but easiest way to meet your quota.
-E-Excuse me, my quota?
-[exhales]
The minimum number of souls
you must collect per demonic cycle.
We'll fax you the details.
But a third will get credited to me,
as your supervisor.
Just like I kick up a third to mine,
and whoever you sign will kick up to you.
Pot O' Gold is a pyramid scheme?
We prefer "multilevel marketing."
And the key to closing any deal
is to understand your recruit's motives.
Fame and fortune or
eternal youth and good looks.
But the best motive is love.
-Love?
-Fastest path to Hell.
Selling your soul
to help someone you love.
Look, I know that I said I would pretend
to believe whatever, but
Uh, it's cool.
It's cool. I totally get it. Listen.
When I was sitting where you are,
I thought it was a load of bollocks, too.
[laughs] But look at it this way.
If it is bollocks,
your son's no worse off, right?
But if it's real
maybe you're dancing at Benji's wedding
instead of burying him
before his first birthday.
[gasps softly]
[tense music playing]
[laughs softly]
Thumbprint in the box.
Ow. Jesus.
In the box.
So what now?
You'll keep this fax machine and
you'll fax in your collections as you go.
[beeping]
-[device whirring]
-[dialing]
[device chimes]
[dark music playing]
What is happening?
[device beeps]
Oh, yeah. Reflections are gonna be trippy
now you can see beyond the veil.
But you'll get used to it.
[Squirrel Nut Zippers: "Hell"]
[hisses]
In the afterlife ♪
You could be headed
for the serious strife
-"Benji, please."
-"No, help me."
-"Oh, my God!" [screams]
-[both laugh]
When you finish with the labeling,
go get changed.
Your auntie will be here soon
to pick you up.
-Do I have to?
-Mm. Benji Kusatsu,
your Tutu is counting on you.
I read her and her friends
the same book every week,
and they don't even remember.
But she loves you,
and she loves that you're there
and it's the kind thing to do.
-Mom
-Hey. What do we say?
-"Love is the way, keep the Devil at bay."
-Words to live by.
Manny's mom says you're a religious kook.
[Midge] Ah, well,
Manny's mom can come
and say that to my face.
-[laughs]
-[doorbell chiming]
Who is it?
Oh, it's, um, someone I work with.
So, uh, finish up the batch,
and reme--
one cookie per batch you bake.
You have too many rules, Mom.
[sighs] Hey.
Finish up, get dressed.
♪
Oh, beauty, talent, fame, money ♪
Refinement, job skill and brain ♪
But all the things you try to hide
-Get off my porch.
-Whoa. Whoa, whoa.
Easy, easy, now.
I-I'm just admiring your
Benji, is it?
Looks like he's growing up fast.
I tell you not to call me,
so you show up at my home?
You need to see this.
Remember those sacrifices
that I told you about?
There's a pattern.
Then call the hotline.
A 1-900 number charging
ten bucks a minute?
No, I don't think so.
What do you expect? It's Hell.
Okay, look, I saw your old crowdfund site
and the articles
about your son's "miracle."
That's how they got you, right?
At first I thought that
you'd come back from the dead, too,
but now I'm thinking
you did something, to save Benji.
You don't know anything about me.
I know that you're president of the PTA,
a deacon at your church.
It's hard to find a charity
that you don't volunteer for.
Somebody is looking for redemption.
So what was it?
Have to poison some cupcakes?
No.
Well, you don't hunt demons, I'm guessing,
otherwise they wouldn't need me.
I collect signatures.
Just like someone collected mine.
Oh.
Oh, shit.
I tried leaving, once.
Started ignoring their faxes,
fell behind on my quotas.
And then Benji's cancer came back.
That's awful.
I'm sorry.
But that's why I'm here.
I think I found something
that can help us.
No, there is no "us."
"We" are not the same.
I saw your intake form.
No, you, you were condemned to Hell
for what you did,
but I chose it.
For love.
But we're both headed
to the same place, right?
And you can hide behind their corporate
signatures and quotas all you want,
but those are people
that you are delivering to the Devil.
So go ahead and get off your high horse
whenever it gets uncomfortable.
At least I didn't rope my mother into it.
I did what I did to protect my son,
just like I'm protecting him now from you,
and from ever learning about
what it is "we" have to do.
And if you doubt how seriously
I take that responsibility,
then you have wildly underestimated me.
Now
get the fuck off my property
before I count to three
or I will send you back to Hell myself.
One
two
-[truck door closes]
-[engine starts]
[Hub] She should want to help me.
Pot O' Gold is threatening her boy.
Well, I wouldn't know a thing
about how that feels.
Yeah, but I'm talking about
twistin' a mama's love
to trap her into, you know
Trap her into doing things she never
conceived possible on God's green Earth?
Yeah, uh, I'm sorry
that I got you mixed up in this.
And, uh, I really do
appreciate you sticking with me here.
So, thank you.
Well, ride or die, son.
That's what family's all about.
Ride or die, Mama.
Now hurry up and get back to Landry.
This next demon broke through
at Lake Rovere hours ago,
and this one gives me the willies.
Am I right? That it's either fire or air?
Air. It's called a Slypharis,
gives its victims the "kiss of death."
Oof.
[phone chimes]
-Huh.
-What?
Oh, nothin'.
Maryanne's tracking my phone.
Guess that means
she's thinkin' about me, right?
[sighs] I think it means you're a
cheapskate who's still on her family plan.
Well, she says she was gonna come back
after all this is over.
Then step on it, lover boy.
I'm not getting any younger.
[exhales]
[brakes squeaking]
[dark, ominous music playing]
♪
♪
[birds singing]
-[branch cracks]
-[raven croaking]
[line ringing]
[Kitty] Find anything?
came through here, all right.
-Must be headed east.
-Why east?
Because "air" is on the right side
of the pentagram.
So I'm gonna leapfrog ahead,
s-see if I can't make it come to me.
-Well, how you gonna do that?
-The river is that way.
So, unless it's one hell of a swimmer,
it's gonna have to cross
the Henderson Bridge.
[engine starts]
[tense music playing]
[insects trilling]
[woman sobbing]
[Zoe] Help. Help!
Please, please!
Please. [whimpers]
[sobbing] Please.
Fuck me.
[screaming]
[Zoe screaming]
Please do something! Please do something!
Don't hurt me!
[screaming]
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
-[growling]
-Please! Help me!
-Get me out of here!
-[hissing]
[gunshot]
Help! Do something!
Hang on!
-[insects trilling]
-[wind blowing]
[cawing]
[groans]
[grunts]
[labored breaths]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[dark, dramatic music playing]
♪