The Cafe (2011) s01e05 Episode Script

Afternoon, Carol.
Afternoon, Ted.
Thanks, Carol.
No problem, Frank.
Any leftovers? End of the day, Frank.
End of the day.
Big Issue? Oh, go on, then.
Talk of the devil.
Hello, Richard.
Not bad, Carol.
All right? All right, Frank? All right, Carol? Yeah.
You? Not bad, thanks.
You? Not bad.
You? Not bad.
You heard from Sarah? Not yet.
You? No, not yet.
You? No, not yet.
But she'll only just have got out.
I suppose.
Fingers crossed, though.
Ooh, everything crossed.
Yeah.
Laters.
Bye, Richard.
He's a good lad.
I like your lipstick, by the way, Carol.
Thanks, Frank.
It's OK.
See you later.
Bye.
D'oh.
All right? All right? Why do you look like a Wotsit? Fake tan for my passport photo.
Why do you look like a Quaver? I'm Homer.
Iliad? Simpson.
You look like you got liver failure.
Where have you been? Hair seminar.
Did you know if you slap your face 20 times a day it prevents ageing? Why did they tell you that at a hair seminar? They didn't.
I read it.
When do you read? When I'm doing a poo.
TMI.
All right, Dad? How was your seminar? Boring.
How was last night? Yes.
Fine.
Thank you.
Last night? Dad went to Carol's for an Indian.
Ooh.
An Indian what? Takeaway.
Ooh! Prawn korma sutra.
No.
Lamb bhuna.
What are you doing? Practising.
For what? Living statue world championships.
Are you entering as well? No.
Fake tan for my passport photo.
It's like talking to the Teletubbies.
Interesting.
You can't believe it, can you? All boarded up.
It's criminal.
I went past today and there it was.
Gone.
Jack, stop faffing.
It's making me itch.
It's that sympathetic wool.
I told you you wouldn't like it.
Lift.
Here.
Did you hear that, Carol? What's that? Lift, Jack.
The butchers on the boulevard.
All boarded up.
You can't believe it, can you? Be none of the old shops left soon.
Jack, will you lift? I am lifting! What are you whittering about? The butchers.
What was.
Oh, yeah.
Can't believe it, can you? Went passed today.
There it was.
Gone.
All boarded up.
Oh, something's going on.
Trouble for someone.
Wishes.
Hey, Richard, it's me.
The agent likes my story! Hee, hee, hee! I can't believe it! Anyway, I'm back early so I'm going to come to the nursing home and sort out Mum's surprise party.
So if you see her don't mention that I'm back.
And don't mention the surprise party obviously.
And if you're not at work let me know and I won't come down and I hope you're having a good day and sorry about the longest message in the world and bye! 'Hello, this is Carol.
Please leave a message.
' Hey, Mum, it's me.
They like my stories! Yahoo! Back in a bit.
Bye! Thomas! We had a spec from Zadax till I was 14.
The one with the rubber keys? Exactly! You have to put a cassette in the tape player to load the game.
And it sounded like a dalek being burnt alive, remember? So what are you doing in Weston? At the moment I'm washing your hair.
No, I meant I know.
Erm Someone I loved did not love me and this is unfortunate.
So I decided to come to Bristol to finish my PhD.
In Poland we say What does that mean? When a woman gets off the wagon the horse has an easier time.
Oh, right.
No, sorry.
What? It erm It's like erm Lighten the load.
Make life easy for yourself.
So you came to Weston? You have a good town here, no? It's all right.
You have wonderful friends.
Yeah, I suppose so.
Friends are so important, I think.
And the rest is not quite so desperate.
Are you going to answer that? Erm no.
OK.
'All right? Leave a message.
' Hey, Richard.
It's me again.
Erm I'm here so I'll call you later.
Hi.
Hi.
Nice jugs.
Thanks.
You too.
Thanks.
You missed a good night last week.
Did I? You not fancy it in the end? Yeah.
Sorry.
Things suddenly got a bit complicated.
Too complicated to call or text.
Out of courtesy, you know.
Hm.
What are you doing with those? Moving the last of my mum's stuff.
To where? To there.
Why is she moving to a nursing home? Because she needs nursing.
Sorry.
I didn't know.
I didn't tell you.
Mothers, eh? Some kids do have 'em.
Do you want me to No, that's OK.
Thanks.
Nice ringtone.
Thanks.
Where's your dad? In here.
Why is he in there? Cos he's dead.
No! I meant why is he in those? They're easier to carry than the biscuit barrel Mum put him in.
Do you fancy an ice cream? Why? Because they're nice.
You could have called last week.
Was that a yes? What did he do? He was a photographer.
Still is, I think.
Where is he now? Living in Glasgow with some woman.
Affectionately known as his Highland Fling.
Hilarious.
Does he know about your writing? Mm-mm.
Not yet.
We haven't spoken in ten years.
Really? Dads, eh? Some kids don't have 'em.
Oh, my Sorry.
I'm joking.
I'm joking.
Sorry.
Sarah? Yeah.
Can I just Oh, my! Has that been there the whole time? You idiot! Did you think I was gonna kiss you? What? No.
Lies.
Shut up.
I wouldn't let you.
Shut up.
Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, 13, 14 You look 20 years younger already.
Oi.
Mar.
What? Has Carol said anything about Dad? No.
Not in so many words.
But she come down this morning and guess what? What? She was wearing lipstick.
No! Yeah.
First time in years.
OMG! Guess what.
What? I saw Dad earlier and he was wearing his wellies.
No! You know what that means.
No.
He's been down the allotment.
No! You know what that means.
No.
He's been doing some thinking.
No! There is something fish going on.
You are not wrong there.
Excited! There you go, Chloe.
Thank you, Carol.
Or should I say Wicked Stepmother? Talk of the devil.
Hello, Kieran.
All right, Carol? You want your usual? Yes, please.
Plus straw.
What's the matter? I've seen a guy from the council and I haven't renewed my permit.
Permit for what? Me! There's your USB, Mar.
A bit of Lady Gaga and some Paloma Faith.
Fab-dab-a-dozy! We're taking Sarah out later.
The agent said yeah? Yeah.
No! Yeah? No! Isn't it great, Kieran? Yeah, amazing! But I can't do later.
Why not? I've got a date with JD.
JD? But you haven't met him yet.
I know.
But I thought I'd see how it goes this evening and then bring him to Carol's surprise party on Friday.
Isn't Friday the start of his Sabbath? He's a gay Jew.
I don't think he's Orthodox.
Anyway, his dad's a Catholic.
No! Saturday and Sunday out.
Weekends must be rubbish.
Not if he's got anything to do with it.
Talk of the devil.
Hello, Brenda.
Hello, Carol.
Hello, all.
Hello, Bren.
You want your usual? Not today.
Just wanted to give you these.
I know you hate email.
Oh, OK.
Thanks.
It looks beautiful, Carol.
Does it? That's good.
Take your time to think about it but we'd like to be ready for the winter so if I could have an answer on Friday that would be great.
Oh, Friday's my birthday.
OK, well I'll leave you to it, then.
- Bye, all.
- Bye, Brenda.
Bye, Kieran.
Bye, Brenda.
Now then.
Sorry, Kieran.
Usual plus straw coming up.
Oh, for goodness sake! Ooh! Sorry, Kieran.
Frothy coffee's off.
Er that's OK, Carol.
All right? Hey.
All right? Hi.
All right? So how did it go? Yeah, good.
So have you got an agent now? Yeah.
I think I have.
That's great! Isn't it great? Yeah, it's great.
I can't believe it.
So what did they say? Nothing.
They like the stories.
Someone really wants to talk to you.
Yeah, I'd better take it.
Sorry.
Hello? Don't forget Mum's party on Friday.
Friday.
I'm there.
Definitely? I'll see you Friday.
Can you still play? Oh, yeah, course.
Great.
What did he want? He wanted to explain why he didn't come last week.
Really? He told me about her.
Oh.
You're so good.
I don't know how you've kept it a secret.
Well, what else was I supposed to do? He says you're amazing with her.
With who? His mum.
Oh.
He told you about his mum.
Hm.
I know it doesn't excuse anything but Well, you just never know, do you? What about? People's lives.
They're always so complicated.
Well, not if you lighten the load and get off the wagon.
And lose some weight.
What? I've no idea.
It's great about the writing.
Thank you.
I did come to tell you.
I was out.
I know.
Does that mean you'll be going back to London then? I don't know.
They're based in Bristol so it means I could stay.
Is that what you want? Maybe.
I don't know.
Maybe.
Have you had your hair done? Oh, yeah.
Well, it's a bit windswept now but erm No, it looks great.
Oh, cheers.
Did Chloe do it? No, Ava.
Oh, right.
Looks great.
Cheers.
Are you walking the dog now? Yeah.
You're a bit early.
Do you want some company? No, I'm only going for a short one so it's probably not worth you bothering.
Oh.
OK.
Maybe a celebratory drink later? Sure.
Great.
Laters.
Bye.
Bloody thing! Carol Useless piece of tat! Carol! What, Mum? Oh, Mum, don't look at those.
It's just Brenda showing off.
A champagne and oyster bar! Dad would be turning in his grave.
Carol! It's all right, Mum.
I'll sort it.
We just got ourselves in a bit of bother.
Carol! What, Mum? Sometimes you have to know when to let things go.
But what about Dad? Your dad couldn't give a monkey's.
He's been in a pot in the wardrobe for 15 years.
What about you? What about me? And Sarah.
And Chloe.
And Kieran.
And Big Issue Frank.
What's going on, Carol? Nothing! I'm fine! I just got a bit behind with the repayments.
And Brenda With you, Carol.
What's going on with you? And Stanley.
Oh, Mum.
Last night What about last night? I went too far.
Why? What happened? Well, we finished the chicken biryani, which was very nice, actually.
And then we sat on the sofa to watch An Officer And A Gentleman Oh, no! I know.
I always get upset.
But I was OK until he carried her out of the factory then I What? Oh, Mum.
What did you do, Carol? I held Stan's hand.
And then what? That was it.
What do you mean, "That was it?" I froze.
And we sat there holding hands until all the names ran out then he left.
Oh, for God's sake.
I know! I should have kept my hand to myself.
And now he hasn't been in all day and everything has changed and nothing will be the same ever again.
Let's hope not, Carol.
Let's hope not.
All right, Mar and Car? Ooh.
Talk of the Stan, hello, devil.
Carol? Everything all right? Yeah, course.
Is it Sarah? What's happened? Erm no.
We just thought you weren't coming in today.
Oh, yes.
Sorry about that, Carol.
I It's been one of those days.
You know.
Getting things done.
Stuff to do.
You know.
Okey-dokey.
I brought your cuttings, Carol.
Oh, thanks, Stan.
They're just a few Well, not cuttings at all.
They're weeds but I like 'em.
They're pretty.
Yeah, I thought so and Well, you know what weeds are, don't you, Carol? They're flowers whose virtues have never been discovered.
You all right, Nan? Come and sit with me, love.
Did Mum get my message? The agent in Bristol likes my stories, Nan.
Can you believe it? Sarah, my girl.
It was never in doubt.
It means I don't need to go back to London now.
I can stay with you and Mum.
And write.
And help with the cafe.
Well, hold your horses, love.
Let's just see what your mother decides to do about Brenda's offer.
She brought the plans round, then? She did.
What's Mum gonna do? I don't know.
I don't think she knows.
But she and Stan will figure it out.
Is Stan with her now? Great.
That's great.