The Crew (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

[engines roaring]
Blaney's going for the inside, Jake.
Block him.
I think he's gonna hold him off.
- Oh, yes!
- [laughs]
Eighth place, and the car's in one piece.
[chuckles]
Don't start clapping until he's parked.
Jamie Little's asking for an interview.
- On my way down.
- Great. Be right down.
- Bobby usually has me do these.
- Well, Bobby's not here.
They're looking for somebody
with racing knowledge
and raw charisma. So…
Okay. So, Chuck and I should go then.
Uh-uh. I don't go on camera.
Let's just say there are a few people
who'd be shocked I'm still alive.
Well, both of you can't go,
so figure it out.
It has been a great month
for Bobby Spencer Racing.
You know what it is, Jamie?
I have to tell you, I think you're seeing
years of hard work paying off.
And yet, all that payoff
happened in the last month,
which, coincidentally, is when I got here.
Um, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Catherine's been amazing.
Amazing addition to the team.
Uh, most of us are just experts on cars,
but Catherine here made a chart
about office workflow,
which is just next-level.
[laughs]
I think what Kevin is trying to say
is that the team was in the Stone Age,
and I'm bringing Fred Flintstone here
into the 21st century.
Yeah. Well, Kevin knows
what Kevin's trying to say
'cause Kevin's Kevin.
I'm Kevin, you know? Anyway.
I'm sorry. What was the question?
I didn't ask one yet.
Actually, they're telling me
to go interview Joey Lagano.
Oh! You know what? I saw him leave.
Don't make this awkward.
[theme music playing]
- Hey. Beth said you wanted to see me?
- Yeah.
Oh, you took your dad's deer heads down.
Yeah. I find it more productive
when I'm not working in a pet cemetery.
You should give 'em to Chuck.
He makes lamps out of 'em.
It's pretty cool. You turn them on,
looks like the deer got a great idea.
[exclaims softly]
Anyway, in the spirit of our conversation
about sharing information,
I've invited Jessie de la Cruz
to use our facilities whenever she wants.
Wait. You're bringing back the driver
you tried to replace Jake with?
Uh, he beat her. It's over.
Look, it's Jake's job,
but one thing I've learned
is that when you see talent,
you get in business with them.
She just needs a place to train.
Having her here is gonna get in his head,
and we already got a problem
with his mind wandering.
"Wandering" is generous.
"Mind" is generous.
If she wants to work out,
give her my Bowflex.
I got halfway
through putting it together, and…
I just… I gave up. [mutters]
- This isn't a big deal.
- It's a huge deal.
Jake is coming off
the best race of the season,
and now you wanna replace him?
Why don't you kill him
and give him to Chuck?
He'd make a heck of a chandelier.
I'm not trying to replace anybody.
Who knows? Maybe he moves on,
maybe we expand and need a driver.
We gotta be ready.
You know what? You said
you were gonna respect my experience.
So, I'm gonna throw this down on you.
- She's not allowed in the building.
- She's in the gym.
After today, she's not allowed in.
[rock music playing]
[panting]
What are you doing?
Right now I'm doing 25-pound rows.
The fives are over there
if you wanna work out.
No. Why are you in my gym?
And I do finger curls with the fives.
My hands are so strong,
I'm not allowed to hold babies.
Catherine said I can work out.
I think it had to do
with you not being here much longer.
Ooh. I wasn't supposed to say that.
My bad.
You're trying to mess with me.
You're just now putting that together?
There's a spot
next to me if you wanna join.
Well, I usually do those
for my cooldowns,
but I guess
I could get it out of the way now.
[grunts]
What in the hell?
I'm stuck. Can I get a little help?
- Does it hurt?
- Not yet.
Well, let me know if it does.
[groans]
Why are you so mean?
Again?
This time was with my feet.
Mr. Gibson, thank you so much
for letting me use your amazing gym.
But I don't have to tell you
how good it is.
You're obviously down here a lot.
I throw around the iron from time to time.
Get after it when I can. You know?
I don't wanna be a fangirl,
but my dad showed me tape of your races.
He said if you hadn't gotten injured,
you'd have been the best.
Your dad said that?
You know, um,
if he ever wants to come down
for a meet and greet.
What size hat is he?
What is happening?
Jessie, can I talk to Jake for a second?
I was gonna grab a Muscle Milk. Want one?
No. I'm good. I just had a Shamrock Shake.
I thought those
were only available in March.
Yeah, but I got a guy. Don't worry.
Why are you being nice to her?
Because she kisses my ass, Jake,
and I like it.
Look, you're our driver.
Nothing's gonna change.
Yeah, but why is she here?
I beat her in the race already,
now she's back?
How many times will we do this?
It's not fair.
You're right. It's not fair.
And it's gonna stop.
I'm tired of having
the same conversation with Catherine.
Yeah, it's like déjà view.
- Huh?
- Huh?
No. What? No, no.
It's not "déjà view." It's "déjà vu."
Vu's not a word.
It's like, "Come look at my beach house.
It's got a great ocean vu." [chuckles]
Thank you.
Ah, that's all right.
- I say stupid stuff sometimes.
- Yeah.
Mm. Oh, no.
Hey, Amir.
Is there a way to get back a text?
- When did you send it?
- Three days ago.
- Has the person responded?
- Yes.
Feels like my question
answered your question.
- [groans] Shoot.
- Why do you need to get it back?
Well, I've been seeing this gal, Vivian,
and she said she loves to dance,
so I said, "Hey, I am a great dancer."
Know how you say things 'cause you think
you'll never get called on it?
- I'm married, so I get it.
- Well Yeah Right.
- You don't need to
- Right. Right.
Well, she went and bought tickets
to some charity ball.
So just dance with her.
This body is built for many things,
but dancing ain't one of them.
I'm just gonna break up with her.
That's crazy. The basic steps
are not hard. I'll show you.
Hey, do me a favor.
Play this out for me.
In your mind, what do you think
is the best-case scenario?
And I will even spot you me standing up
and embracing you in the garage.
Just take me through the next few steps.
Okay.
Two possibilities come to mind.
One is you reject me
with the possibility of violence.
Two, you come running towards me,
and I do a full Dirty Dancing lift,
and everyone in the garage
breaks into applause.
You know, Amir,
every day, every single day,
there is a moment
when you just creep me the hell out.
So?
Amir, Chuck is on the no-hug list
for a reason.
He's gonna break up with a woman
'cause he can't dance.
Oh, Chuck. [laughs]
I'm so glad you're dating again.
And today happens to be your lucky day
because your favorite coworker happens
to be an expert dancer.
Oh! Kevin dances?
No. Me.
Let's start with a cha-cha.
Do you mind, Amir?
Amir, you press one button,
and I'll play a cha-cha at your funeral.
Hey, Google. Play Cuban music.
[automated voice]
Okay. Playing Cuban music.
Didn't touch it.
[Cuban music playing]
- [laughing] Come on.
- Yeah. All right.
This dance got me a fourth-place finish
at the Little Hoofer Hoedown.
Top three went to state.
But I am not bitter.
Good. It'd be sad
if you had a messed up childhood
and couldn't let it go.
You're trying to match the music
with the cha-cha-cha sound,
which happens on the four and the five,
and the eight and the one.
Which means you break
on the two and the six.
- You got it?
- Yep. Got it. Thank you for the help.
Chuck!
- Ugh.
- [giggles]
- Ready?
- [Chuck] Mm.
One, two, cha-cha-cha.
Three, four, cha-cha-cha.
Very good, cha-cha-cha. And now reverse.
[thuds, groans]
What's your problem?
I didn't wanna do this.
You're making me.
Maybe we should do something simpler.
Let's pretend it's a middle school dance.
Okay. I'll go stand against the wall.
Did I see you guys dancing?
I'm showing Chuck a few moves.
I'm a little bit of a semi-professional.
Oh, I love dancing.
I was my sorority's dance captain
at Greek Week.
You really need a captain to teach someone
how to drunk grind on a frat boy?
[laughing]
Yeah, it was a little more than that.
And one, two, three, four, five,
six, seven
- Oh! Whoa!
- [Amir] Oh!
Whoa! [laughs]
That was way better than you.
[sighs]
- Jacob.
- Jessica.
Using my steam room now.
I'm gonna have a yogurt after this.
Want half of that too?
If I wanted your yogurt,
I would just take it.
Don't worry about sweating so much.
I have that effect on women.
Not sweating as much as you did
when you crashed at Dover.
You know, it was hard to separate
the tires screeching from your screeching.
You know when else I made noise?
When I won the Xfinity Championship.
But you wouldn't know what that's like
because you're an amateur.
[exhales sharply] Who got told?
You got told.
- Where you going? Can't take the heat?
- I'm actually turning it up.
Maybe you need water.
If I get thirsty, I lick my own sweat.
[groans] You're the selfish jerk
who doesn't make new coffee
when you empty it.
What are you talking about?
I left you some.
Oh. Looks like you finished it.
You know what to do.
- Oh, Chuck!
- Hey.
Chuck, I was thinking after work
we can have another lesson.
Oh, yeah. No, no, don't worry about it.
We broke up.
What happened?
Eh, turns out we don't have
much in common.
I can't dance, and she can't start
a chainsaw one-handed, so
I mean, really, what's the point.
I can teach you how to dance.
Oh, thank you anyway, Beth.
Aw. God, I'm not giving up.
That man is gonna dance.
Leave it alone.
Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
I've been fixing men in this garage
since the day I got here.
Name one thing you fixed.
Uh, do you wanna discuss
that ridiculous turquoise pinky ring?
- It was a gift.
- You bought it.
- For myself.
- Oh, I have some juicy gossip.
Did you know that Catherine,
she told Jessie she could work out here?
Please. Already knew.
Been fighting with Catherine,
talking Jake off the ledge,
and in my spare time,
solved the Q105 word of the day.
"Hearken." It means to listen.
Won two tickets to the Gin Blossoms.
Don't ask, I'm already going with someone.
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm gonna go.
I only know the one song, but I'm going.
I meant about Catherine.
Are you gonna talk to her?
Why talk to her?
She just promises me she's gonna fix it,
does whatever she wants.
[scoffs] There's one option left.
Kill her?
Bring Bobby back.
Once he sees this place
and the mess it is,
I'm telling you, he'll have no choice.
What about Catherine?
What about Catherine? Who cares about her?
Just throw her outside
and hope a house lands on her.
You really think that he's gonna choose
you over his own blood?
I'm like the son he never had.
She's the daughter he actually does have.
What are you bumping on?
We're both his kids.
And one of us, he had to pay for Stanford.
Not this guy. Who you gonna pick?
Okay. Look, if you try to get her fired
and it doesn't work, you're screwed.
We're all screwed. Remember?
There's no jobs out there.
Just promise me that you'll sleep on it?
Okay, fine. I'll sleep on it.
But I'm not changing my mind.
And by the way, the only reason
I stopped wearing my pinky ring
is I found out I have a nickel allergy.
[Cuban music playing]
And one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight
There you go. You got it.
And don't worry about counting
just move to the music.
You make this so easy.
Vivian's gonna be glad
she got those hips replaced.
How was Beth when you said
you wanted lessons from me?
I knew she'd be fine.
Especially since I knew
I was gonna lie to her.
Smart.
- And dip?
- You bet.
Ha!
How old were you the first time
you crashed?
Four. Rolled my big wheel.
Still got the scar.
You call that a scar?
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
You do need to keep your head and arms
inside the car at all times.
Give me your hand.
Feel that dent?
Tried to jump a creek on my dirt bike.
Got so much air I hit a tree branch.
Oh please. You know how many times
I've hit my head?
At least once really hard as a baby.
[Jake pants]
Your face is a baby.
Oh, you're not looking so hot.
Do you need a break?
Okay. First of all,
I'm always looking hot.
Secondly, I am freezing.
Really? 'Cause you're whiter
than a Whole Foods on a Sunday morning.
Nope. I'm fine.
Where's the thermostat?
You know what? I'm gonna turn it up.
Jake?
Jake.
I'm gonna get help.
And my phone
'cause I need a photo of that.
That's right. Nobody help me.
Oh…
[all grunting]
Come on.
Jake. Jake. Are you all right, honey?
Oh, man, I had the strangest dream.
You were there, and you were there.
You weren't.
That's a white lie
that would've been okay.
What did you do now?
I got too hot in the steam room,
and I must've fainted.
Oh no. If I fainted,
then Jessie must be dead.
- Jessie!
- No, no.
Jessie's fine. She got a little dizzy
'cause she was laughing too hard.
She had to sit down.
Hey. Look at me. What do you see?
Scissors.
Paper.
Rock with a finger on it.
He's okay. He's just overheated.
Do me a favor, Amir. Take him
to the doctor. Get him checked out.
Hey. I think…
I think you were in the dream.
You're too late.
Catherine's out of control on this.
Where does this end?
What if something bad happened to him?
I'm done. I'm going to Bobby.
- Kevin.
- You're not gonna talk me out of this.
I said "Kevin."
I see the look on your face,
and I know where this is going.
- You can't do this!
- There it is!
You think you're gonna barge in there,
guns a-blazing,
and Bobby's gonna get all defensive.
I know that, okay?
Remember when we needed a new car lift,
and Bobby said it's not in the budget?
Yeah. He only bought one
after Amir got stuck under that car.
Who do you think kicked out the blocks?
- What?
- Yes.
[gasps]
And to this day,
Bobby thinks it's his idea.
- Know what? Time to kick out more blocks.
- Oh, I like it.
Bobby!
Oh wow. Look at you. Bring it in.
Man, Hawaii's been good to you.
How much have you dropped?
You look like a bodybuilder.
[chuckles] No.
I hit them luaus hard.
I blew up like a tick.
I had to buy a new bathing suit
halfway through.
Been there. Had to hang out
at the nude beach all week.
- [laughs]
- It was a tough one.
- Glad I missed it.
- Yeah.
So, the team's having a good run.
Couple of nice finishes.
- Yeah.
- Seems like everything's going mahalo.
Oh, crazy mahalo. Catherine is the best.
- Everything's all right with you two?
- I was on the fence, but you were right.
I mean, she's made
so many great changes, you know?
Oh, you remember our hood sponsor,
Big Hoof Barbeque?
- Rob? Yeah. Always been a great partner.
- Yeah. They're gone.
She Yeah. She switched us to
a mushroom-based, vegan meat substitute.
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
- And the fans like that stuff?
- Define "like."
- Well, do they eat it?
- No. They'd throw up if they did.
But she's got the office running
so smoothly. I'm telling ya.
You know what we do now?
We clock in and out.
What's wrong with comin' when you get up
and goin' home when work's done?
[sighs] Apparently, that's not how
they do things in Silicon Valley.
Who am I to argue with the way
things are done in California?
[chuckles]
I visited her at those offices out there.
Their conference room was a ball pit.
I dropped my cell phone,
went to get it, came up with a sandal.
Ooh. That's just not sanitary, is it?
But, I'll tell ya, she's got a great eye
for talent. Really does.
She brought in a new driver. Fantastic.
Been hanging around the shop.
What about Jake?
You can't let a driver know
you're looking at other options.
That's what I thought,
but I guess it's motivating him.
Assuming the doctor says he's okay.
- He's hurt?
- You know, I've already said too much.
[chuckles] Bottom line
is Catherine's great. Everything's fine.
Maybe we oughta head on over there
and I'll take a look around.
That's a good idea you had, Bobby.
Follow my finger.
- I'd follow any part of you anywhere.
- [laughs]
Excuse me. Did you really find that funny,
or are you laughing because he's handsome?
I'm sorry. Who are you?
The guy you yelled at for breaking
the skeleton in the waiting room.
Oh, right.
You're gonna need to pay for that.
- Oh, does he?
- No. [giggles]
I'm a little worried
about how your pupils are dilating.
I think you have a concussion.
Can you count backwards from ten?
Well, I think counting forward to ten
would be enough of a test.
How about I give you ten numbers
that will connect you
to my cell phone instead?
See? Could someone with a concussion
ask a beautiful doctor
out for dinner next weekend?
Yes, because this is the third time
you've done it.
- You have a concussion.
- What?
No, no.
I have to be in a car next weekend. I
Did I mention I'm a race car driver?
Four times. She was delighted every time.
I'm sorry, but there's no way
I'll let you drive for at least two weeks.
No, but this is my career
we're talking about. I can't miss a race.
Did I mention I'm a race car driver?
It looks like a cow
that's got a soft spot in his head
and has to wear a helmet.
They're a good partner
with a lot of growth potential.
That's what our fans care about.
Tastes like ass, but, ooh-wee,
look at that growth potential.
Maybe we could talk about this
up in my office, Dad?
I would love that. Kevin tells me
you've been doing redecorating.
- Did he?
- Great to have you back, Bobby. Mahalo!
Just please tell me
you didn't touch my deer heads.
Let's see her fancy dance
her way out of this one.
Hey, Beth. I didn't get my paycheck.
Oh, I might have forgotten
when I was handing them out.
I think I have it tucked
in my appointment book back at my desk.
Why don't we go get it
and we can schedule another lesson?
Beth, hearken to me,
this isn't gonna end well.
Look, Beth, it's over.
I broke up with her.
But what if you meet someone else
and she wants to dance?
Chuck, I… I think we all know
what's really happening here.
You're afraid you're gonna get your heart
broken again like with your ex-wife.
Catherine's a better dancer,
so I'm having her give me lessons.
I guess we didn't know what was happening.
[scoffs] She does a few show-off moves,
and I'm not good enough anymore?
Yeah. That's pretty much it.
Where… where were you…
where were you doing this?
Were you doing it upstairs in her office
while I was just sitting here?
Wow. You know what?
I don't think
I need to get paid this week.
I will not be ignored, Chuck.
Okay. Let's get you inside
where human resources can't hear you.
- I am human resources.
- Okay.
- I'm a good dancer.
- I know, buddy.
No, I'm really good.
I know. We all talk about it.
All the time.
No. You're just saying that,
and I'm really good,
and I need you to know that.
Here.
You look like a tiny stuffed grizzly.
I'm not gonna pity dance with you, Beth.
Ugh. Of course. What was I thinking?
- Hold on, okay?
- For what? You don't wanna dance.
It's fine.
It's not that I don't want to. I…
I don't know how, okay?
Well…
I will show you.
All right, fine.
I don't even know what to do here.
- Okay. Now take this foot. Go forward.
- All right.
- And go back with the other foot.
- I don't
No, you're good. Do it again.
- Okay. That's not bad.
- [giggles] See?
You're really good. I'm a good teacher.
You are. Imagine how good I'd be
if Catherine was teaching.
- Stop it!
- [laughs]
- Not bad, right?
- Yeah.
- All right. Okay.
- Okay now dip me.
Whoa!
[both laughing]
- Kevin?
- Yeah? What's happening?
When you're done,
can I have a word with you?
See, we weren't gonna All right.
- How'd everything go?
- You know exactly how.
You threw me under the bus.
[sighs] I didn't throw you under the bus.
You were standing on the curb,
and I just gave you a little nudge.
What were you hoping?
In your fantasy world, my dad came back,
I get fired, and everything
goes back to how it used to be?
All that, and I can fly.
Well, you better hope he fires me.
Because if you think
it sucked working for me yesterday,
I'm gonna take it
to a whole new level of suck tomorrow.
Let me tell you. It's been
at maximum suck since you got here.
What bothers you more, huh?
That I'm a woman, that I'm younger,
or that I'm smarter than you?
Okay. Outside of this building,
you might be smarter than me.
But, in here, I'm a genius.
I'm Stephen frickin
The wheelchair guy The
He's got the cool robot voice. You know?
I wanna say Baldwin. I know I'm wrong.
Are you kidding me?
I made my point.
- You know who I'm talking about.
- I have no idea.
Our number one job
is to protect our driver, and you failed.
And I'm not gonna apologize
for what I did.
Oh! The next time you apologize,
it'll be the first time.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't say I'm sorry
when I'm not sorry!
Ooh-wee. You can hear y'all
all the way in the parking lot.
You sound like two badgers in a
Well, they don't have to be in anything.
Badgers hate each other.
Look, Dad. You brought me in here
to do a job, and I have to do it my way.
Well, you have done that.
I never thought I'd see the day
when people are in uniform,
clocking in like it's a factory.
Preach it, Bobby.
Dumping a sponsor
who's been behind us for 15 years
with not so much as a howdy-do?
Give him a howdy-do.
Cameras everywhere,
seaweed in the kitchen.
- And I miss my trophies.
- I miss 'em too. I just miss 'em.
If you're gonna fire me, then do it.
Because I can't do this job
if I'll be second-guessed
on every decision.
[sighs]
I should probably step out. You know.
Fire you?
Why in the Wide World of Sports
would I do that?
Okay.
My point is, it seems to be working.
Now, Fake Steak might be a crap product,
but they're spending more on us every day.
That's a smart deal.
Costs are down, productivity's up.
Made me realize
that I've been taking my eye off the ball.
- Thank you.
- Kevin, pit times have never been lower.
You got that car running
like a dog with his tail on fire.
I put together a great team.
Okay. So, just for clarification purposes,
you're not gonna do anything?
Kevin, I know why you called me down here.
But y'all are doing great.
Whatever's happening down here,
keep doing it.
Dad, I know you love Kevin
- Oh, like a son.
- I knew it.
- But you're my blood.
- Son of a bitch.
Kevin and I
are just two very different people.
Well, so were Donny and Marie.
One's a little bit country,
one's a little bit rock and roll.
Separately? They're fine.
But together? Pure magic.
[knocking on door]
- Sorry to interrupt.
- There's my boys.
Hey, Bobby!
You see Bobby, right?
What'd the doctor say?
They did a bunch of tests,
and the doctor's concern
Whoa. Look at Mr. Drama here.
No, she said I'm good to drive.
Amir?
Yeah. All good. She mostly just giggled.
Well, there you go.
That is a cherry on top of a crazy day.
- Let's take Bobby out and celebrate.
- Oh, yeah! First one's on me.
- Kevin, hold on.
- Catherine, I don't wanna fight anymore.
If you wanna be rock and roll
or country, I love both.
It's up to you, okay?
No, no. No joking past this.
I'm not gonna fire you
in the middle of the season,
but after the championships,
start looking for a new job.
Hawking!
Stephen Hawking!
How did I forget that?
It's so close to "hearken."
[theme music playing]