The Following Events Are Based on a Pack of Lies (2023) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
1
(foreboding music)
(growling)
(music stops)
(beeps)
(Cheryl) Oh, lovely, thank you.
(indistinct chatter)
(bell ringing)
-(monitor beeps)
-(ringing continues)
Are you okay in here?
Is there any sign of it yet?
(Cheryl) Of what?
My laptop?
I really need to find it.
Oh, sorry!
It's chaos down there.
And the board are on their way.
The board? Why?
(clicks tongue)
They just want to touch base.
(Cheryl) Any word
from your Swiss account?
Oh, any day now, sweetie.
(groans)
I don't suppose you could get me
another pillow, could you?
-My back is
-(rumbling, thudding)
There it is again!
I didn't hear anything.
-(thudding)
-There.
I'm telling you
there's someone in the attic!
Who? Your crazy ex-wife?
(Cheryl laughs)
-(creaks)
-(Alice) Idiot!
(Cheryl laughs)
(indistinct chatter)
(Alice sighs)
(monitor beeps)
(phone vibrates)
(keyboard clicks)
(beeps)
-(Bill) How are you getting on?
-Hmm.
(Bill) Have you heard from Alice?
Inputting random words
into someone else's laptop
isn't yielding the kind of results
you find on telly.
(Bill) She's gonna try
and crack that safe.
-We need a paper trail.
-(beeps)
I change my password once a month
as recommended for top security.
(Bill chuckles)
Only then I can never remember it
so I have to write it down.
-(Benjy clears throat)
-(keyboard clicks)
(beeps)
Why do I remember
seeing a list like that lot?
(Bill) Oh.
Hang on!
(Benjy) Good thing no one
takes the bins out.
(Bill) I'm off to meet
this American chap,
he's been after Rob for years.
Then I was hoping to speak
to Sir Ralph Unwin again,
but apparently he's no longer
at the same address.
(Bill) Is this it? It is!
(keyboard clicking)
(Benjy) Yes! We're in!
(laughs)
Hello, everyone, and thanks
for gathering at such short notice.
(Cheryl) Rob!
Room for one more?
(monitor beeps)
(Sebastian) So
(clears throat)
Erm
It has come to our attention
that there has been
suspicious activity
on the Harker Scholarship account.
(Sebastian)
The money in the account
-was transferred
-(groans)
to an offshore account.
-Thank you, Lola.
-It was absent for several days.
-Absent?
-And now has been replaced.
-Priana?
-Oh, thank goodness!
Cheryl, did you know about this?
Don't tell me that's why
you sold to Scott Maran!
Regina, please. Can we just
(Regina)
Where did the original money go?
We had to carry out
an internal investigation,
and as a result of that,
there are certain steps
we need to take.
Lola, would you, erm
(Lola) Ah
Okay, so, er
(clears throat)
as a consequence
of our findings,
we have determined that in terms
of your legal responsibility
to uphold and maintain the security
and integrity of the trust,
that there has, in fact,
been a breach of duty.
(Lola) There's also the matter
of Dr Chance's
recent criminal conviction
-(coughs)
-er, a short time
after your announcement publicly
linking him to the scholarship.
The board feel
this has the potential
to bring disrepute to the scheme
and that the most
appropriate course of action
would be to
(Lola sighs heavily)
I'm so sorry Cheryl, er
close the Lance
and Cheryl Harker Scholarship.
Close the scholarship?
(Sebastian)
The college will continue
to sponsor both students this year,
but we suggest, er, an upfront
one-off payment,
followed by immediate closure.
(Priana) We need you to make
a public statement,
something light.
Perhaps the suggestion
that you've become overwhelmed
with the responsibility,
you're excited to move on
to pastures new, etcetera.
(Sebastian)
There are strict regulations
regarding charitable trusts.
-Accusations of fraud
-(off-key music)
My office, today at noon. Be there!
Can we just
(Cheryl sighs)
It's been an honour.
I replaced that money
at great personal cost.
Why would I do that if I had
some nefarious motive?
These things happen.
We all make mistakes,
just don't let it cost you
your reputation.
(door closes)
Oh
(sighs)
You mustn't give up, my darling.
When they break you down,
you must bounce back up.
If they close your trust,
you simply open another one
in a different name.
Rebrand. Reimagine.
Do not succumb to limiting beliefs!
(chuckles)
(urinates)
Oh, for God's sake.
It's just a wee!
You could've warned me!
He just gate-crashed my meeting!
-(Alice) Fuck!
-You're meant to be watching him.
Sorry, I thought he was asleep.
Yeah, he should be!
The doctor told him
to take it easy.
-Did he?
-As did the entire team
of cardiologists who examined him.
He might be a compulsive liar,
but he hasn't faked that monitor!
(Cheryl) I can't have another man
die in this house.
He's a middle-aged man
complaining of heart pain.
It'd be pretty slack
not to give him a monitor.
What did the board say?
They're closing the scholarship.
Oh, Cheryl, I'm so sorry.
Are you?
Maybe if you'd told me sooner
I actually came to tell you
I'm going out.
Oh. I'll be here, watching.
-What's happening with the laptop?
-He's making progress.
-And the safe?
-We might need semtex.
Please don't let me regret
this course of action, Alice.
You won't. I promise!
We're gonna get him!
Can you feel it?
We're not Thelma and Louise!
You're here to keep an eye
on what Rob's up to
and help locate my missing cash.
In return,
I'm giving you an opportunity
to find your evidence, so focus!
You haven't earned
my trust yet, Alice.
If he disappears
or dies on your watch
He's not gonna die. He's not ill.
I will hold you accountable.
(Alice) Come on, Alice.
You can do this.
(sighs)
I'm not afraid anymore.
(suspenseful music)
(monitor beeps)
(Rob) Oh, yeah, yeah.
They said it could be
stress related so
(Rob) God, I feel awful.
(gulps, exhales loudly)
(Rob) So, are you on the beach?
I love Koh Samui.
I wish I was there.
Oh, not long now.
(door opens, creaks)
The ball's crucial
for my profile, Kelly,
everyone in Oxford will be there.
I can't miss it!
I'll fly out as soon as I'm better.
Yeah, it's fancy dress.
No, Cheryl's finding me something.
(clearing throat)
I'm not well enough.
(breathes shakily)
Mm-hmm.
Kelly, I will.
I just need to find the right time.
-(burner clicks)
-(sighs)
Yeah.
(Rob) Um
-Okay, okay.
-(clanks)
I'm, I'm I'm gonna go.
I I'm
I'm just feeling a bit
Yeah.
(grunts)
(sniffs)
(glass breaking)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(fire crackles)
(Alice grunts)
Why I'm helping you?
-(keys clatter)
-(lock clicks)
(man over recording) You're through
to the Unwin Foundation.
We're currently closed
for personal reasons.
(Regina) How could you let me
walk into that meeting
without a heads-up?
-(Cheryl) It's complicated.
-(Regina) So you keep saying!
Did he steal that money?
Probably.
Probably?
He says he's going to pay me back.
(Regina) But you don't believe him!
You're not seriously intending
to marry this man?
-I'm just
-Please, don't tell me
-you're in love with him!
-No! No!
I was in love with the idea
of not being alone.
But now
he makes my skin crawl.
So, why is he still living
in your house?
He had a heart attack!
Whatever he's done,
he's still a human being!
Oh, Cheryl.
You're too kind-hearted!
I'm just biding my time.
(Regina) I know what this is about.
I'm sorry if I didn't
do enough
when Lance was ill.
-(Regina) If I didn't
-You were fine.
Okay, maybe you could've done more.
(chuckles)
But maybe it's me.
I find it very hard
to ask for help. So
(sighing sharply)
Well, I'm here now.
If you need anything.
Anything at all.
-(bird chirps)
-(sheep bleats)
(sheep bleats in distance)
(Alice chuckles)
You really are magic!
(sighs)
You are being careful, aren't you?
He's locked in a room upstairs.
Don't worry.
(Benjy)
Bill chucked this in as well.
Must have been in the Filofax.
(Alice) You're kidding. You legend!
(tender music)
Benjy Dhillon, will you marry me?
If I make sure it's all legal.
Do you think you might consider it?
(Cheryl)
What are you doing out here?
Oh, you're back!
That was Benjy. He got in!
And, er, just so you know,
there was a bit of an incident.
What?
-Did he see you?
-No.
Still think he's faking it?
That's what he's been taking.
(Alice) It's Temazepam.
-(Cheryl) Temazepam.
-It's a sleeping pill.
(scoffs)
I know what Temazepam is.
You know one of the side effects
of taking too much?
A slow heartbeat.
(Alice) Confusion, weakness.
He's inducing a change
in his heart rate for the monitor.
That's why he's weak and sleepy.
-(tense music)
-(scoffs, chuckles)
(laughs)
-I'm going to fucking kill him!
-Wait, wait.
Lying around, getting me
to fetch him pillows!
And along
he's been making himself sick!
-I know! But
-I'm gonna put that pillow
over his face!
And don't think I won't.
How could he do this to me?
(shushing)
I know! Listen.
Why are you still here?
-You should be hiding.
-I locked him in. Cheryl!
He really did put my dog in a bag,
didn't he?
(suspenseful music)
And then threw him in the lake?
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
(Alice) But Cheryl, listen.
We have his computer.
And we have his safe code.
Which means evidence.
Yeah?
Give me the knife.
(softly)
We're going to get him!
(music stops)
(grunts, groans)
(beeps)
(beeping continues)
(whispers)
Talk to me.
I'm searching his emails
for Harker Scholarship Trust.
Lots about the announcement party.
Nothing particularly suspicious.
(whispers)
Search Cheryl Harker,
hostages, offshore accounts.
(grunts)
(inhales deeply)
(Alice) Oh, hang on.
You've got two email addresses?
Er, no.
Cheryldragonharker@atobmail.co.uk.
-Yeah, that's me.
-And crharkertrust@atobmail.
That's not mine.
(clicks)
(Alice) Wait, there's a folder
with some photos.
Oh, okay,
well, this is pretty sick.
(Cheryl gasps)
(Cheryl) Bastard!
What's he taken those for?
(Cheryl) What do the emails say?
(Alice)
Well, the fake Cheryl account
has been sending Rob
lots of emails.
And he's been replying.
-Saying what?
-(keyboard clicks)
-(Rob) Cheryl!
-(both gasping)
-(doorknob clicking)
-Cheryl?
-(Rob) What the fuck?
-(lock clicking)
Oh!
Did you lock me in?
No. What are you on about?
I just tried the door.
(Cheryl) It jams sometimes.
I found your pills.
Downstairs.
Are these your heart pills
for your poorly heart?
That's right.
How are you feeling?
Erm, my chest feels a bit funny.
Oh!
-Should I call an ambulance?
-Er, no, no, no. It's all right.
I'm mostly feeling
a bit better actually.
Just
(groans)
(exhales)
weak.
Weak? You're feeling weak, are you?
You managed to get up
and poke your nose into my meeting,
but now you're feeling
a little weak all of a sudden.
A bit weak. Yeah.
(laughs)
Sorry! No, I can't do it.
(Cheryl) I'm not capable
for some reason.
Because see,
those are sleeping pills, Rob.
-They're not for a heart condition.
-I never said they were!
I just asked you and you said
they were your heart pills!
I call them
my heart pills because
I always get them
for my heart thingy.
They help me sleep
because I get so stressed about it.
-Bullshit!
-Excuse me?
You know the strange thing?
You're a shit liar.
And I noticed
you're a shit liar ages ago,
but I thought it was because
you didn't really mean to lie.
But you do mean to lie, don't you?
-Why are you attacking me?
-There never were any hostages?
Were there?
You spent my students' money
on a home gym and fancy clothes,
then gave some back
like you were doing me a favour!
Where's the rest of it?
What have you done with it!
What are you on about?
Have you taken something?
No, I haven't taken something.
You've taken something!
You've taken everything!
What are you doing, Cheryl? No! Ow!
Is this because
of the stupid money?
The stupid money.
My colleagues think I'm guilty
of financial negligence!
I've all but been accused of fraud!
So what? You know you didn't do it.
They think I did!
Who cares what other people think?
I do! Okay? I care!
(Alice) She's signed it?
What the
(gibbers)
So what are you saying? It's over?
Fine!
Oh, God, I need a drink.
(gurgles, sighs)
I'll tell you the truth.
The whole truth, I swear.
(beeps)
(Alice) "Thanks for believing
in me. Dr Robert Chance."
Fuck head!
Terry's business was called
The Moonlight Emporium
of Eternal Youth.
That's how I met Graham.
We fell for it.
Hook, line and sinker.
Two weeks after moving in,
he'd gone
from living in the basement
to sharing my bedroom.
Terry had all
this official research.
She told him and he came after me.
I guess I just ignored my own mind.
-I should've known.
-in cash.
Coercion.
He's your classic predator.
(Claudia) He's never gonna stop.
After that crash,
in the tunnel in Paris,
I never heard from him again.
(Norm) A few days later
there's a big protest
outside the Moonlight Emporium.
People saying that it's dangerous.
I call Terry,
he comes straight down
to prove it's all totally safe.
Strips off all his clothes
and says,
"I'm going under that lamp
and I won't come out
till I've lost ten years!
You watch! It's perfectly safe."
(Norm) So in he goes.
He ends up giving himself
these terrible burns.
All over one side of his back.
I call 911.
Ambulance takes him away.
And that was it.
He absconded from the hospital.
Left Mom with nothing but lawsuits
from people
who used to be her friends.
(Rob) My mother
was a very troubled woman.
And as a result,
I have quite a particular reaction
in response to certain behaviours
from the opposite sex.
It's called over-extending.
So, when you told me
about the stress
you were experiencing
with your scholarship,
I felt rightly or wrongly,
coerced is too strong a word
perhaps,
but compelled to help you out.
I paid you 50,000 pounds.
I was then expected to help out
with the announcement dinner,
attend meetings.
I put that home gym
and those new clothes
on my credit card,
because I felt
an incredible pressure
to live up to your expectations.
I admit, I
I've been afraid
to say no to you, Cheryl.
You are a very volatile woman,
you can be intimidating.
(sighing sharply)
Can I?
(Cheryl over recording) Right.
That's it! Go away! All of you!
-I don't want you here!
-(Rob over recording) Cheryl?
(Cheryl over recording)
I can't do this right now!
I'm losing my mind! Just get out!
You were recording me?
Not on purpose.
(chuckles)
You know what I'm like
with technology.
(Rob) The thing is
Sometimes, when I'm triggered,
I can experience blackouts.
So your story about the hostages.
I I can't remember any of it.
All I know is this.
(Cheryl) I've already paid
the money back in.
(Rob over recording) Have you?
(Cheryl) I couldn't risk
the board finding out.
(Rob over recording) Oh, okay.
(Cheryl over recording)
It's done now. So
(Cheryl sighs)
What do you want?
I love you, Cheryl.
(distorted voice)
I don't want to lose you.
We're so good together.
I want to be with you
for the rest of my life.
(inhales deeply)
(ominous music)
-(Cheryl sighs)
-(door opens)
-(door slams shut)
-(lock clicks)
He's been recording me.
If I accuse him,
he's gonna say it was all me.
We need
to find something in writing
to Ralph or to to
this JD person.
(Cheryl) Anything like that?
The most incriminating email
is from fake Cheryl,
copying in a Lola Dartmouth?
My lawyer. Right.
She was talking about emails
I didn't remember sending.
So he's been emailing himself
pretending to be you? And replying?
Yeah! Of course, he has!
But how do we prove
it's not you writing the emails?
We can't! It's my word against his!
Which is why he's done it!
(Alice)
I was hoping we'd struck gold,
but it's just another rabbit hole.
(Cheryl heavy breaths)
(clicks tongue)
What do the emails say?
Are you okay?
I'm
I'm I'm just feeling a bit
(exhales deeply)
I just can't take the pain anymore.
The loss
of the great love of my life
is too much for me to bear.
Anything useful?
Fake Cheryl has copied Rob in
on an email to Sandwell and Basic
to update her life insurance policy
so that on the event
of your marriage to Rob,
he becomes your beneficiary.
Well, that's not gonna happen.
And something about a clause
if you decide not to get married.
What kind of clause?
(pills crackle)
(sniffles)
(Alice) Seventeen-one D.
"In the event that the policy
holder dies
before her marriage,
Dr Chance will receive
a one-off payment."
(high-pitched echo)
Hang on a second.
(Alice) If you die
before you get married,
-he will receive
-(retching)
one point two million pounds?
(retching continues)
-(Cheryl vomits)
-Cheryl! Are you okay?
(discordant music)
-(screams)
-(groans)
(heavy breaths)
Talk to me. What's happening?
He had whisky in the bedside table.
I thought it was a bit odd, but
(panting)
Did you drink it?
Mmm.
(groans)
(tense music)
He got out!
-It's clean.
-Be careful!
(Cheryl)
"I just can't take the pain
of the loss
of the great love of my life."
A suicide note?
He's done it in my handwriting.
(sighs)
-(toilet flushing)
-(gasping)
(door opens)
Oh.
You're awake.
Why wouldn't I be?
That door jammed again.
(scoffs)
(Rob) I see you found my note.
You reading my private stuff now?
(Rob) You made me want to end
it all going on at me so much,
but changed my mind.
So, sorry about that.
(Rob) I told you I was vulnerable.
I need you, Cheryl.
(Alice) He tried to poison you
and fake your suicide note.
We've got to go to the police!
(Cheryl) He'll say
he was trying to kill himself.
(Alice) I'm scared, Cheryl.
We have to report this!
Let's play it forward.
I call the police
and tell them my boyfriend
tried to fake my suicide.
(Alice)
Well, they take it seriously.
It's policy.
They'll come to speak to him.
He appears to be vulnerable
and unwell.
He denies it.
He suggests
I might be paranoid and unstable
and he's got evidence
to back it up.
But they look him up
and see he's got a recent
conviction for violence.
So they are on the side of caution
and take him in for questioning.
Maybe they test your blood.
Maybe they find traces
of temazepam.
He'll tell them I've been addicted
to temazepam
since caring for my husband
and he's got photos to prove it.
He'll tell them
I'm an intimidating woman,
prone to violent outbursts.
The police officers
will take one look at me
and believe every word he says.
They'll ask around.
(Cheryl) Turns out I've made
some very poor
financial decisions lately.
My trust is closing down
under suspicion of negligence.
(Cheryl) I'm an unreliable witness.
They release him
due to lack of evidence.
(Cheryl) Arrest me
for wasting police time.
(Alice) Maybe they do believe you
but they know a jury won't
and there's not enough evidence
to get it past the CPS.
We don't even have enough evidence
to get a fraud conviction.
And even if they do believe
he wants to kill me,
they're powerless
until I'm actually dead.
So they tell me to run away.
Find a safe place.
I leave my home
and everything I've worked for.
And you spend the rest of your life
looking over your shoulder.
(Alice) How does he keep
getting away with it?
Over and over.
Because he's the hero, isn't he?
(scoffs)
Hardly.
Hero doesn't mean he's doing good.
It just means we're on his journey.
Like Macbeth.
A ruthless mass murderer
on a quest for power.
But who do we blame?
His wife.
The system has been designed
for men like Rob.
(Cheryl) It protects him.
It gives him the benefit
of the doubt.
And however extreme
or awful his actions are,
we await his redemption.
His moment of transformation.
Monologues of introspection,
explanation, justification,
freely given, safe in the knowledge
that most of the audience has been
so conditioned
to take his side,
they don't even know
they're doing it.
(Cheryl chuckles)
Rob will remain entirely plausible
up until the point
when he murders me.
At which point, finally,
the narrative will switch
onto his dubious mental health.
I drove him to it.
He was stressed.
A passionate man trying his best
in the face of relentless
societal pressure.
And a million Hollywood movies
and the great canon
of English literature
will swoop in to rescue him
while my books,
tainted by the association
of murder,
will be withdrawn from shelves
and eventually be forgotten.
Yes, he'll get locked up.
But he'll write a memoir
from his cell.
It'll become a bestseller.
Get turned into a podcast.
Then a Netflix documentary.
Then a Netflix drama.
Women from all over
will write to him in prison.
He'll marry one of them.
And it will all start
all over again.
(scoffs)
And yet, here we are, Alice.
Still playing by the rules.
(reporter 1) Drugged her,
then killed her
-beloved dog.
-(reporter 2) In 1996
-(overlapping chatter)
-was once again accused
(woman 1) crisis to target
vulnerable pensioners.
-(woman 2) How could she
-He has never been charged.
-The children haven't spoken to
-psychological abuse.
(overlapping chatter)
(suspenseful music)
(indistinct chatter)
(deep breath)
(Cheryl)
Welcome to The Annual Myths,
Legends and Fantasy Literary Ball.
Before we get started,
I have a small announcement
to make.
(Alice)
Has everyone got everything?
(Bill) All set. Let's go.
(Benjy) Yeah.
(Rob) Have you finished
your speech, darling?
I'm keeping it short.
Start by focusing on the positive.
This is all the young people
we've helped to date, etcetera.
But sadly due to personal
and work commitments,
the scholarship won't be continuing
next year.
That sort of thing.
Does it sound okay?
(Rob) Short and sweet.
Sounds perfect.
I'm proud of you, babe.
Thanks for giving me
another chance.
Is tonight the night
I finally get you
to come out of the spare room?
-(knocking on door)
-(Rob sighs deeply)
Dr Chance?
-Your costume is here.
-Er, thank you, Hilary.
It's just I need a hand
to bring it up.
It's a bit heavy.
-Heavy?
-(Hilary) Mm.
What have you ordered me, darling?
It's a special surprise.
(Rob chuckles)
You deserve it.
Go, go get ready!
We need to get a move on.
Good grief, Hilary,
who on earth are you meant to be?
-(Hilary) Argus.
-The shop?
The all-seeing giant.
Thought you studied classics.
(door closes)
(exhales)
(lively music)
(indistinct chatter)
-(applause)
-(laughs)
(crowd cheering)
(Cheryl) Gorgeous!
-Hi, how are you?
-(chuckles)
Fabulous party.
Is Dr Chance here, or
-Hey guys!
-(laughs)
Dr Chance or should I say
Sir Lancelot?
Ah, not quite!
I'm, er, actually the Knight
of Spires from book seven.
(Priana) Of course,
I should have recognised you.
(Rob) He saves the day which
some people weren't happy with,
but personally
I found it most captivating.
(Priana)
Doesn't Doonathra kill him?
(both laugh)
Thank you so much
for coming to The Annual Myths,
Legends and Fantasy Literary Ball.
-(crowd cheering)
-But before we get going,
I have a small and rather sad
announcement to make,
regarding the future
of the Harker Scholarship.
(crowd murmurs)
For personal reasons,
the scheme will shortly be closing.
-(crowd) Ow! Shame!
-(woman) Shame!
As some of you may be aware,
Dr Robert Chance of the Saattut
Academy in Greenland
was recently convicted
of a violent crime.
(Cheryl)
What the press haven't reported
is that Rob
has suffered a heart attack
and has been struggling
with his mental health ever since.
(crowd murmurs)
-But he's here tonight
-(crowd) Yeah! Oh!
dressed as the Knight of Spires,
a popular character
from my latest novel.
We will be closing the trust
in order to focus
on Rob's well-being.
So thank you for your support
and understanding.
(Cheryl) But for now,
let's all relax
and have a fabulous evening!
(crowd applauding, cheering)
(lively music)
-(clinks)
-(both giggling)
There was a hold up on the M40.
Don't worry. They'll be here.
They're en route. ETA nine o clock.
-Do you care to explain yourself?
-What's wrong, dear?
You just threw me under the bus
in front of half of Oxford!
(chuckles)
I didn't throw you under the bus!
You made me sound mad! I'm not mad!
Everybody's being very kind.
Oh, hey, Rob.
I have been meaning to ask you
about the impact
of the climate emergency
on the ice-dependent species.
Could you maybe talk me through it?
(indistinct chatter)
Dr Chance?
Erm
I think you're really amazing.
And, er, if you ever want to talk
or need a shoulder
to cry on then call me.
Wha wha what's going on?
Stop!
What the hell are you doing?
-God.
-All right, where's Cheryl?
-Someone get Cheryl!
-I'm here, what's happening?
(Cheryl gasps)
Rob!
Oh, God, put the axe down.
Put it down!
-(thuds)
-(Cheryl) Oh!
I'm sorry, he's overwhelmed.
Come on.
The next time
you point an axe at me,
you won't be walking anywhere!
Sebastian! Please! He's unwell!
(tense music)
(clock ticks)
(clock chimes)
(crowd cheering, applauding)
(crowd exclaiming)
(applause)
(Benjy) Ladies and gentlemen.
Behold!
-(guest 1) Here we go.
-(guest 2) Yeah!
-(crowd cheering, applauding)
-(puffs)
(crowd exclaiming)
Off with their heads!
Off with their heads!
(laughter)
(yelps)
He's on the roof!
He's gonna jump! Rob!
-(Lola) No!
-(guest 3) Come down!
(Lola) No!
(Danni) I'm calling an ambulance.
-(guest 4) Don't do it!
-(guest 5) Get down!
(crowd clamouring)
I got your text. What is it?
Have you tried the smoked salmon?
I think it might be off.
Is that it?
Oh, thank God.
-(Danni) They're just through here.
-Oh, thank goodness you're here.
-Is this the chap?
-Yes, this is Rob.
Hi, Rob. How are you feeling?
Er, I'm fine. What's happening?
Are you hearing voices, Rob?
Erm, I can hear your voice.
Is the voice telling you
to do something dangerous?
-What voice?
-The voice in your head,
-sweetheart.
-What voice in my head?
It told him
to jump off of the roof.
Er, Cheryl, sweetheart.
What the fuck is going on?
They're here to help you.
Jesus Christ!
(Maria) Did you see something, Rob?
Er, a giant fucking rabbit!
(snickers)
(Maria) Where?
I can't see anything.
(Rob) What?
What kind of giant rabbit, Rob?
Well, obviously not a real
Oh, you are fucking kidding me!
Of course, it's you!
Of course, it is.
-Did she get to you?
-Who, darling?
Is the big rabbit telling you
to hurt yourself, Rob?
It's not a big rabbit!
It's my lunatic of an ex-wife!
She's been stalking
and harassing me
and presumably now she's here to
This isn't funny!
Do you want to come
and have a little sit
in the ambulance, Rob?
No, I fucking don't.
Keep away from me.
This isn't fucking funny!
You know what?
I'm gonna walk away.
Before I lose my temper.
We really would like
to take a look at you.
-(Maria) Check you're okay?
-I'm fine.
-(Rob) Keep away from me, please.
-Vin.
Oh, fuck no!
-(Vin) Calm down, Rob.
-(nervous laughter)
-It's gonna be okay.
-No.
What the fuck?
Er, Cheryl
Please tell them I'm fine!
Tell them to piss off, Cheryl!
We don't want you to hurt yourself.
Oh, fuck off, you stupid cunt!
I have no intention
of hurting myself.
Do not lay a finger on me
and do not
stick a single needle in me.
(tense music)
-(grunts)
-(all gasping)
(shrieks)
(grunts)
-(grunting continues)
-("Gloria" by Laura Branigan plays)
(crowd cheers)
-(Rob) Get out of my way!
-(Hilary) That's not your chair!
-Fuck off!
-(Hilary) Rob!
Stop!
# Your always on the run now #
-(guest 4) Rob!
-# Running after somebody #
-# You gotta get him somehow #
-(Cheryl) Please, Rob!
Let us help you!
-That was amazing.
-(all laughing)
No seriously,
I'll be in touch with your agent.
# for a breakdown #
# So be careful not to show it #
# You really don't remember #
# Was it something that he said? #
-(explosion)
-(yelps)
# Are the voices in your head #
-Long-time no see.
-# Calling #
# Gloria #
# Gloria #
# Don't you think you're falling? #
-(gasping)
-Graham? Is that you?
# Why isn't anybody calling? #
# You don't have to answer #
-# Leave them hanging on the line #
-(siren wails)
# Oh for the #
He's hearing voices.
He's threatening
to hurt himself or someone else.
(officer)
Possible mental health incident,
requesting support, over.
# I think they got your number #
# Gloria #
# I think they got the alias #
Hey, Terry. This is for my mom.
-(thuds)
-(groans)
(grunts)
-(puffs)
-(gasps)
(ominous music)
No, no, no!
No, no, no!
(heavy breaths)
(growling)
(Rob) This is the opportunity
of a lifetime, Mr Newman.
Whoo-hoo, whoa!
What's all this then, hmm?
What, this is your life?
Police! Drop your weapon!
-(Rob) Okay.
-(officer) What's your name, mate?
Er, officer,
my name is Doctor Robert Chance.
I am the director of the Saattut
Academy in Greenland,
an affiliate of Oxford University.
I, er, have no intention
of hurting anybody,
and, er
(chuckles)
there is patently
no need to arrest me!.
(officer 2) Why the axe, Mr Chance?
Doctor Chance!
This is an ornamental axe.
I am attending a party.
It is not a weapon!
-He's been hearing voices.
-Oh, fuck off, Alice.
-He's not well!
-She's the one who is not well.
-Can we do some background, Trina?
-I'll give you some background.
(Rob) This batshit crazy
bunny boiler
is a delusional middle-aged shrew
who is obsessed with me!
Was I really that good, Alice?
(officer 1) Sorry, madam, what's
your relationship to this man?
I'm his wife.
You're not my wife!
-She's his wife.
-She is not my wife!
-I'm Alice Graham.
-She Devil!
-Calm down, sir!
-You can shut up and all!
Let's try and keep calm, Mr Chance.
-Doctor Chance!
-And who are all these people?
These people are all my enemies!
We just want you to be safe, Rob!
-We're worried about you, mate!
-Who the fuck are you?
Cheryl. Cheryl, please explain
to these police officers who I am.
I'm changing the rules.
What's that?
I'm a friend of his wife.
Cheryl. Cheryl
-Sir?
-She is not a friend of my wife!
She is a fellow victim and clearly,
she's been brainwashed!
This insane witch has travelled
around the entire country
collecting people who bear
a grudge against me,
presumably using a Filofax
that you stole from me,
and she has brought them all here
to attack me! Haven't you?
-Yes, dear.
-You will pay for this!
-Sir, if you don't calm down
-Oh, cock off!
You are gonna regret this,
sweetheart.
I was up at Oxford with your boss.
-Do you want me to give him a call?
-My boss is a woman.
I'm talking
about the Prime Minister,
you ignorant tart.
-(officer 1) Sir!
-No! No!
I'm sorry but I am so sick
of fucking women!
Fucking crazy, fucking women
making my life hell
when all I ever do
is try and help them.
I give and I give and I give
and what do I get back?
-Huh?
-Maybe you should try
-telling the truth.
-The truth?
-The truth?
-(officer 2) Sir!
-You can't handle the truth!
-Sir!
(grunts)
-(electricity crackles)
-(groans)
-(thuds)
-(axe clinks)
-You ungrateful bi
-(electricity crackles)
(grunts)
This is for Kelly,
you abusive piece of shit.
(officer 2) Robert Chance,
you are being detained
under Section 136
of the Mental Health Act,
you will be taken
to a place of safety.
You can be kept there until
an assessment is completed,
for up to 24 hours.
You're the wife?
I need you to come with me.
(Rob) I'm being framed!
I'm a victim of a hate crime!
This is a witch hunt!
(screams)
I am a PhD scientist!
Your husband is still
very distressed, Mrs Chance.
Graham.
Chance is one of his fantasy names.
(Alice) As is the doctor.
We've been married
for nearly 20 years.
His real name
is Robert Graham from Stoke.
(woman)
The police can't find any record
of a Satuut Academy in Greenland
or a Dr Chance.
He certainly constructed
a complex and convincing delusion.
It It's very real for him.
Mrs Chance, Graham, sorry.
In order to get your husband
the help he needs,
I do need your consent.
I've spoken to my colleagues
and we think it's best to get him
in under a Section 3.
He can be assessed and given
an appropriate course of treatment,
but we would anticipate
him being there
for at least six months.
Does that feel like a long time?
(deep breath)
Not really.
But it's a start.
-(sombre music)
-(Rob screaming in distance)
(sighs)
(screaming continues)
(sighs)
We've got six months to live.
Six months. Is that it?
(sighs)
Six months to plan
for when he gets out.
(Alice) We've got evidence
to sort through.
And new witnesses to speak to.
You know the only reason
I'm talking to you
is because you saved my dog.
And I was brought up
to always forgive.
Me too.
But I don't know
if I can forgive myself.
Yeah.
That's the hard bit, isn't it?
(deep breath)
(sombre music continues)
Benjy's cooking breakfast.
Do you wanna come over?
I don't.
(chuckles)
Thanks though.
(Regina) Oh, you are awake!
-(Cheryl) Oh.
-(both chuckling)
-Ah.
-(both laughing)
Thanks, darling.
(Regina) Ooh.
-(Cheryl) Ooh!
-(all laugh)
-I'm sorry, darling.
-Missed you.
-(Benjy) He just contacted us.
-(sighs deeply)
-(exhales)
-(Bill) Benjy, Benjy.
-(Bill) Here she is!
-(Josh) Mummy!
-(Claudia) Oh, Bravo!
-(Bill laughs)
Hi!
-Want a bacon sarnie, love?
-(Alice) Sure.
Be back in a minute.
I'm just gonna get changed.
(Josh) Okay.
Oh, she did
a first-rate job, you know.
All right, then?
What's that?
I said all right.
Okay.
Yes.
Yes.
(Josh) Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
(Bill) We did it.
We got him.
(chuckles)
Thanks to Cheryl.
-I didn't think it could be done.
-I know.
But we did it.
I
(sighs)
I
-I
-I know, Dad.
I love you too.
(sombre music)
(sighs)
("A Real Hero"
by Electric Youth plays)
(reporter)
Some breaking news just in,
we're hearing that Sir Ralph Unwin,
the nation's second favourite
broadcaster and natural historian,
has been reported missing.
Unwin, who is 82 years old
and is known for
I'm not meant to let you
have snacks in the session, but
# Real human being #
Thanks, Jessie, you're a star.
# And a real hero #
# Hero #
# Against the grain
Of dystopic claims #
# Not the thoughts
Your actions entertain and you #
# Have proved #
# To be #
# A real human being #
# And a real hero #
# Real human being #
# And a real hero #
# Real human being #
# And a real hero #
# Real human being #
(foreboding music)
(growling)
(music stops)
(beeps)
(Cheryl) Oh, lovely, thank you.
(indistinct chatter)
(bell ringing)
-(monitor beeps)
-(ringing continues)
Are you okay in here?
Is there any sign of it yet?
(Cheryl) Of what?
My laptop?
I really need to find it.
Oh, sorry!
It's chaos down there.
And the board are on their way.
The board? Why?
(clicks tongue)
They just want to touch base.
(Cheryl) Any word
from your Swiss account?
Oh, any day now, sweetie.
(groans)
I don't suppose you could get me
another pillow, could you?
-My back is
-(rumbling, thudding)
There it is again!
I didn't hear anything.
-(thudding)
-There.
I'm telling you
there's someone in the attic!
Who? Your crazy ex-wife?
(Cheryl laughs)
-(creaks)
-(Alice) Idiot!
(Cheryl laughs)
(indistinct chatter)
(Alice sighs)
(monitor beeps)
(phone vibrates)
(keyboard clicks)
(beeps)
-(Bill) How are you getting on?
-Hmm.
(Bill) Have you heard from Alice?
Inputting random words
into someone else's laptop
isn't yielding the kind of results
you find on telly.
(Bill) She's gonna try
and crack that safe.
-We need a paper trail.
-(beeps)
I change my password once a month
as recommended for top security.
(Bill chuckles)
Only then I can never remember it
so I have to write it down.
-(Benjy clears throat)
-(keyboard clicks)
(beeps)
Why do I remember
seeing a list like that lot?
(Bill) Oh.
Hang on!
(Benjy) Good thing no one
takes the bins out.
(Bill) I'm off to meet
this American chap,
he's been after Rob for years.
Then I was hoping to speak
to Sir Ralph Unwin again,
but apparently he's no longer
at the same address.
(Bill) Is this it? It is!
(keyboard clicking)
(Benjy) Yes! We're in!
(laughs)
Hello, everyone, and thanks
for gathering at such short notice.
(Cheryl) Rob!
Room for one more?
(monitor beeps)
(Sebastian) So
(clears throat)
Erm
It has come to our attention
that there has been
suspicious activity
on the Harker Scholarship account.
(Sebastian)
The money in the account
-was transferred
-(groans)
to an offshore account.
-Thank you, Lola.
-It was absent for several days.
-Absent?
-And now has been replaced.
-Priana?
-Oh, thank goodness!
Cheryl, did you know about this?
Don't tell me that's why
you sold to Scott Maran!
Regina, please. Can we just
(Regina)
Where did the original money go?
We had to carry out
an internal investigation,
and as a result of that,
there are certain steps
we need to take.
Lola, would you, erm
(Lola) Ah
Okay, so, er
(clears throat)
as a consequence
of our findings,
we have determined that in terms
of your legal responsibility
to uphold and maintain the security
and integrity of the trust,
that there has, in fact,
been a breach of duty.
(Lola) There's also the matter
of Dr Chance's
recent criminal conviction
-(coughs)
-er, a short time
after your announcement publicly
linking him to the scholarship.
The board feel
this has the potential
to bring disrepute to the scheme
and that the most
appropriate course of action
would be to
(Lola sighs heavily)
I'm so sorry Cheryl, er
close the Lance
and Cheryl Harker Scholarship.
Close the scholarship?
(Sebastian)
The college will continue
to sponsor both students this year,
but we suggest, er, an upfront
one-off payment,
followed by immediate closure.
(Priana) We need you to make
a public statement,
something light.
Perhaps the suggestion
that you've become overwhelmed
with the responsibility,
you're excited to move on
to pastures new, etcetera.
(Sebastian)
There are strict regulations
regarding charitable trusts.
-Accusations of fraud
-(off-key music)
My office, today at noon. Be there!
Can we just
(Cheryl sighs)
It's been an honour.
I replaced that money
at great personal cost.
Why would I do that if I had
some nefarious motive?
These things happen.
We all make mistakes,
just don't let it cost you
your reputation.
(door closes)
Oh
(sighs)
You mustn't give up, my darling.
When they break you down,
you must bounce back up.
If they close your trust,
you simply open another one
in a different name.
Rebrand. Reimagine.
Do not succumb to limiting beliefs!
(chuckles)
(urinates)
Oh, for God's sake.
It's just a wee!
You could've warned me!
He just gate-crashed my meeting!
-(Alice) Fuck!
-You're meant to be watching him.
Sorry, I thought he was asleep.
Yeah, he should be!
The doctor told him
to take it easy.
-Did he?
-As did the entire team
of cardiologists who examined him.
He might be a compulsive liar,
but he hasn't faked that monitor!
(Cheryl) I can't have another man
die in this house.
He's a middle-aged man
complaining of heart pain.
It'd be pretty slack
not to give him a monitor.
What did the board say?
They're closing the scholarship.
Oh, Cheryl, I'm so sorry.
Are you?
Maybe if you'd told me sooner
I actually came to tell you
I'm going out.
Oh. I'll be here, watching.
-What's happening with the laptop?
-He's making progress.
-And the safe?
-We might need semtex.
Please don't let me regret
this course of action, Alice.
You won't. I promise!
We're gonna get him!
Can you feel it?
We're not Thelma and Louise!
You're here to keep an eye
on what Rob's up to
and help locate my missing cash.
In return,
I'm giving you an opportunity
to find your evidence, so focus!
You haven't earned
my trust yet, Alice.
If he disappears
or dies on your watch
He's not gonna die. He's not ill.
I will hold you accountable.
(Alice) Come on, Alice.
You can do this.
(sighs)
I'm not afraid anymore.
(suspenseful music)
(monitor beeps)
(Rob) Oh, yeah, yeah.
They said it could be
stress related so
(Rob) God, I feel awful.
(gulps, exhales loudly)
(Rob) So, are you on the beach?
I love Koh Samui.
I wish I was there.
Oh, not long now.
(door opens, creaks)
The ball's crucial
for my profile, Kelly,
everyone in Oxford will be there.
I can't miss it!
I'll fly out as soon as I'm better.
Yeah, it's fancy dress.
No, Cheryl's finding me something.
(clearing throat)
I'm not well enough.
(breathes shakily)
Mm-hmm.
Kelly, I will.
I just need to find the right time.
-(burner clicks)
-(sighs)
Yeah.
(Rob) Um
-Okay, okay.
-(clanks)
I'm, I'm I'm gonna go.
I I'm
I'm just feeling a bit
Yeah.
(grunts)
(sniffs)
(glass breaking)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(fire crackles)
(Alice grunts)
Why I'm helping you?
-(keys clatter)
-(lock clicks)
(man over recording) You're through
to the Unwin Foundation.
We're currently closed
for personal reasons.
(Regina) How could you let me
walk into that meeting
without a heads-up?
-(Cheryl) It's complicated.
-(Regina) So you keep saying!
Did he steal that money?
Probably.
Probably?
He says he's going to pay me back.
(Regina) But you don't believe him!
You're not seriously intending
to marry this man?
-I'm just
-Please, don't tell me
-you're in love with him!
-No! No!
I was in love with the idea
of not being alone.
But now
he makes my skin crawl.
So, why is he still living
in your house?
He had a heart attack!
Whatever he's done,
he's still a human being!
Oh, Cheryl.
You're too kind-hearted!
I'm just biding my time.
(Regina) I know what this is about.
I'm sorry if I didn't
do enough
when Lance was ill.
-(Regina) If I didn't
-You were fine.
Okay, maybe you could've done more.
(chuckles)
But maybe it's me.
I find it very hard
to ask for help. So
(sighing sharply)
Well, I'm here now.
If you need anything.
Anything at all.
-(bird chirps)
-(sheep bleats)
(sheep bleats in distance)
(Alice chuckles)
You really are magic!
(sighs)
You are being careful, aren't you?
He's locked in a room upstairs.
Don't worry.
(Benjy)
Bill chucked this in as well.
Must have been in the Filofax.
(Alice) You're kidding. You legend!
(tender music)
Benjy Dhillon, will you marry me?
If I make sure it's all legal.
Do you think you might consider it?
(Cheryl)
What are you doing out here?
Oh, you're back!
That was Benjy. He got in!
And, er, just so you know,
there was a bit of an incident.
What?
-Did he see you?
-No.
Still think he's faking it?
That's what he's been taking.
(Alice) It's Temazepam.
-(Cheryl) Temazepam.
-It's a sleeping pill.
(scoffs)
I know what Temazepam is.
You know one of the side effects
of taking too much?
A slow heartbeat.
(Alice) Confusion, weakness.
He's inducing a change
in his heart rate for the monitor.
That's why he's weak and sleepy.
-(tense music)
-(scoffs, chuckles)
(laughs)
-I'm going to fucking kill him!
-Wait, wait.
Lying around, getting me
to fetch him pillows!
And along
he's been making himself sick!
-I know! But
-I'm gonna put that pillow
over his face!
And don't think I won't.
How could he do this to me?
(shushing)
I know! Listen.
Why are you still here?
-You should be hiding.
-I locked him in. Cheryl!
He really did put my dog in a bag,
didn't he?
(suspenseful music)
And then threw him in the lake?
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
(Alice) But Cheryl, listen.
We have his computer.
And we have his safe code.
Which means evidence.
Yeah?
Give me the knife.
(softly)
We're going to get him!
(music stops)
(grunts, groans)
(beeps)
(beeping continues)
(whispers)
Talk to me.
I'm searching his emails
for Harker Scholarship Trust.
Lots about the announcement party.
Nothing particularly suspicious.
(whispers)
Search Cheryl Harker,
hostages, offshore accounts.
(grunts)
(inhales deeply)
(Alice) Oh, hang on.
You've got two email addresses?
Er, no.
Cheryldragonharker@atobmail.co.uk.
-Yeah, that's me.
-And crharkertrust@atobmail.
That's not mine.
(clicks)
(Alice) Wait, there's a folder
with some photos.
Oh, okay,
well, this is pretty sick.
(Cheryl gasps)
(Cheryl) Bastard!
What's he taken those for?
(Cheryl) What do the emails say?
(Alice)
Well, the fake Cheryl account
has been sending Rob
lots of emails.
And he's been replying.
-Saying what?
-(keyboard clicks)
-(Rob) Cheryl!
-(both gasping)
-(doorknob clicking)
-Cheryl?
-(Rob) What the fuck?
-(lock clicking)
Oh!
Did you lock me in?
No. What are you on about?
I just tried the door.
(Cheryl) It jams sometimes.
I found your pills.
Downstairs.
Are these your heart pills
for your poorly heart?
That's right.
How are you feeling?
Erm, my chest feels a bit funny.
Oh!
-Should I call an ambulance?
-Er, no, no, no. It's all right.
I'm mostly feeling
a bit better actually.
Just
(groans)
(exhales)
weak.
Weak? You're feeling weak, are you?
You managed to get up
and poke your nose into my meeting,
but now you're feeling
a little weak all of a sudden.
A bit weak. Yeah.
(laughs)
Sorry! No, I can't do it.
(Cheryl) I'm not capable
for some reason.
Because see,
those are sleeping pills, Rob.
-They're not for a heart condition.
-I never said they were!
I just asked you and you said
they were your heart pills!
I call them
my heart pills because
I always get them
for my heart thingy.
They help me sleep
because I get so stressed about it.
-Bullshit!
-Excuse me?
You know the strange thing?
You're a shit liar.
And I noticed
you're a shit liar ages ago,
but I thought it was because
you didn't really mean to lie.
But you do mean to lie, don't you?
-Why are you attacking me?
-There never were any hostages?
Were there?
You spent my students' money
on a home gym and fancy clothes,
then gave some back
like you were doing me a favour!
Where's the rest of it?
What have you done with it!
What are you on about?
Have you taken something?
No, I haven't taken something.
You've taken something!
You've taken everything!
What are you doing, Cheryl? No! Ow!
Is this because
of the stupid money?
The stupid money.
My colleagues think I'm guilty
of financial negligence!
I've all but been accused of fraud!
So what? You know you didn't do it.
They think I did!
Who cares what other people think?
I do! Okay? I care!
(Alice) She's signed it?
What the
(gibbers)
So what are you saying? It's over?
Fine!
Oh, God, I need a drink.
(gurgles, sighs)
I'll tell you the truth.
The whole truth, I swear.
(beeps)
(Alice) "Thanks for believing
in me. Dr Robert Chance."
Fuck head!
Terry's business was called
The Moonlight Emporium
of Eternal Youth.
That's how I met Graham.
We fell for it.
Hook, line and sinker.
Two weeks after moving in,
he'd gone
from living in the basement
to sharing my bedroom.
Terry had all
this official research.
She told him and he came after me.
I guess I just ignored my own mind.
-I should've known.
-in cash.
Coercion.
He's your classic predator.
(Claudia) He's never gonna stop.
After that crash,
in the tunnel in Paris,
I never heard from him again.
(Norm) A few days later
there's a big protest
outside the Moonlight Emporium.
People saying that it's dangerous.
I call Terry,
he comes straight down
to prove it's all totally safe.
Strips off all his clothes
and says,
"I'm going under that lamp
and I won't come out
till I've lost ten years!
You watch! It's perfectly safe."
(Norm) So in he goes.
He ends up giving himself
these terrible burns.
All over one side of his back.
I call 911.
Ambulance takes him away.
And that was it.
He absconded from the hospital.
Left Mom with nothing but lawsuits
from people
who used to be her friends.
(Rob) My mother
was a very troubled woman.
And as a result,
I have quite a particular reaction
in response to certain behaviours
from the opposite sex.
It's called over-extending.
So, when you told me
about the stress
you were experiencing
with your scholarship,
I felt rightly or wrongly,
coerced is too strong a word
perhaps,
but compelled to help you out.
I paid you 50,000 pounds.
I was then expected to help out
with the announcement dinner,
attend meetings.
I put that home gym
and those new clothes
on my credit card,
because I felt
an incredible pressure
to live up to your expectations.
I admit, I
I've been afraid
to say no to you, Cheryl.
You are a very volatile woman,
you can be intimidating.
(sighing sharply)
Can I?
(Cheryl over recording) Right.
That's it! Go away! All of you!
-I don't want you here!
-(Rob over recording) Cheryl?
(Cheryl over recording)
I can't do this right now!
I'm losing my mind! Just get out!
You were recording me?
Not on purpose.
(chuckles)
You know what I'm like
with technology.
(Rob) The thing is
Sometimes, when I'm triggered,
I can experience blackouts.
So your story about the hostages.
I I can't remember any of it.
All I know is this.
(Cheryl) I've already paid
the money back in.
(Rob over recording) Have you?
(Cheryl) I couldn't risk
the board finding out.
(Rob over recording) Oh, okay.
(Cheryl over recording)
It's done now. So
(Cheryl sighs)
What do you want?
I love you, Cheryl.
(distorted voice)
I don't want to lose you.
We're so good together.
I want to be with you
for the rest of my life.
(inhales deeply)
(ominous music)
-(Cheryl sighs)
-(door opens)
-(door slams shut)
-(lock clicks)
He's been recording me.
If I accuse him,
he's gonna say it was all me.
We need
to find something in writing
to Ralph or to to
this JD person.
(Cheryl) Anything like that?
The most incriminating email
is from fake Cheryl,
copying in a Lola Dartmouth?
My lawyer. Right.
She was talking about emails
I didn't remember sending.
So he's been emailing himself
pretending to be you? And replying?
Yeah! Of course, he has!
But how do we prove
it's not you writing the emails?
We can't! It's my word against his!
Which is why he's done it!
(Alice)
I was hoping we'd struck gold,
but it's just another rabbit hole.
(Cheryl heavy breaths)
(clicks tongue)
What do the emails say?
Are you okay?
I'm
I'm I'm just feeling a bit
(exhales deeply)
I just can't take the pain anymore.
The loss
of the great love of my life
is too much for me to bear.
Anything useful?
Fake Cheryl has copied Rob in
on an email to Sandwell and Basic
to update her life insurance policy
so that on the event
of your marriage to Rob,
he becomes your beneficiary.
Well, that's not gonna happen.
And something about a clause
if you decide not to get married.
What kind of clause?
(pills crackle)
(sniffles)
(Alice) Seventeen-one D.
"In the event that the policy
holder dies
before her marriage,
Dr Chance will receive
a one-off payment."
(high-pitched echo)
Hang on a second.
(Alice) If you die
before you get married,
-he will receive
-(retching)
one point two million pounds?
(retching continues)
-(Cheryl vomits)
-Cheryl! Are you okay?
(discordant music)
-(screams)
-(groans)
(heavy breaths)
Talk to me. What's happening?
He had whisky in the bedside table.
I thought it was a bit odd, but
(panting)
Did you drink it?
Mmm.
(groans)
(tense music)
He got out!
-It's clean.
-Be careful!
(Cheryl)
"I just can't take the pain
of the loss
of the great love of my life."
A suicide note?
He's done it in my handwriting.
(sighs)
-(toilet flushing)
-(gasping)
(door opens)
Oh.
You're awake.
Why wouldn't I be?
That door jammed again.
(scoffs)
(Rob) I see you found my note.
You reading my private stuff now?
(Rob) You made me want to end
it all going on at me so much,
but changed my mind.
So, sorry about that.
(Rob) I told you I was vulnerable.
I need you, Cheryl.
(Alice) He tried to poison you
and fake your suicide note.
We've got to go to the police!
(Cheryl) He'll say
he was trying to kill himself.
(Alice) I'm scared, Cheryl.
We have to report this!
Let's play it forward.
I call the police
and tell them my boyfriend
tried to fake my suicide.
(Alice)
Well, they take it seriously.
It's policy.
They'll come to speak to him.
He appears to be vulnerable
and unwell.
He denies it.
He suggests
I might be paranoid and unstable
and he's got evidence
to back it up.
But they look him up
and see he's got a recent
conviction for violence.
So they are on the side of caution
and take him in for questioning.
Maybe they test your blood.
Maybe they find traces
of temazepam.
He'll tell them I've been addicted
to temazepam
since caring for my husband
and he's got photos to prove it.
He'll tell them
I'm an intimidating woman,
prone to violent outbursts.
The police officers
will take one look at me
and believe every word he says.
They'll ask around.
(Cheryl) Turns out I've made
some very poor
financial decisions lately.
My trust is closing down
under suspicion of negligence.
(Cheryl) I'm an unreliable witness.
They release him
due to lack of evidence.
(Cheryl) Arrest me
for wasting police time.
(Alice) Maybe they do believe you
but they know a jury won't
and there's not enough evidence
to get it past the CPS.
We don't even have enough evidence
to get a fraud conviction.
And even if they do believe
he wants to kill me,
they're powerless
until I'm actually dead.
So they tell me to run away.
Find a safe place.
I leave my home
and everything I've worked for.
And you spend the rest of your life
looking over your shoulder.
(Alice) How does he keep
getting away with it?
Over and over.
Because he's the hero, isn't he?
(scoffs)
Hardly.
Hero doesn't mean he's doing good.
It just means we're on his journey.
Like Macbeth.
A ruthless mass murderer
on a quest for power.
But who do we blame?
His wife.
The system has been designed
for men like Rob.
(Cheryl) It protects him.
It gives him the benefit
of the doubt.
And however extreme
or awful his actions are,
we await his redemption.
His moment of transformation.
Monologues of introspection,
explanation, justification,
freely given, safe in the knowledge
that most of the audience has been
so conditioned
to take his side,
they don't even know
they're doing it.
(Cheryl chuckles)
Rob will remain entirely plausible
up until the point
when he murders me.
At which point, finally,
the narrative will switch
onto his dubious mental health.
I drove him to it.
He was stressed.
A passionate man trying his best
in the face of relentless
societal pressure.
And a million Hollywood movies
and the great canon
of English literature
will swoop in to rescue him
while my books,
tainted by the association
of murder,
will be withdrawn from shelves
and eventually be forgotten.
Yes, he'll get locked up.
But he'll write a memoir
from his cell.
It'll become a bestseller.
Get turned into a podcast.
Then a Netflix documentary.
Then a Netflix drama.
Women from all over
will write to him in prison.
He'll marry one of them.
And it will all start
all over again.
(scoffs)
And yet, here we are, Alice.
Still playing by the rules.
(reporter 1) Drugged her,
then killed her
-beloved dog.
-(reporter 2) In 1996
-(overlapping chatter)
-was once again accused
(woman 1) crisis to target
vulnerable pensioners.
-(woman 2) How could she
-He has never been charged.
-The children haven't spoken to
-psychological abuse.
(overlapping chatter)
(suspenseful music)
(indistinct chatter)
(deep breath)
(Cheryl)
Welcome to The Annual Myths,
Legends and Fantasy Literary Ball.
Before we get started,
I have a small announcement
to make.
(Alice)
Has everyone got everything?
(Bill) All set. Let's go.
(Benjy) Yeah.
(Rob) Have you finished
your speech, darling?
I'm keeping it short.
Start by focusing on the positive.
This is all the young people
we've helped to date, etcetera.
But sadly due to personal
and work commitments,
the scholarship won't be continuing
next year.
That sort of thing.
Does it sound okay?
(Rob) Short and sweet.
Sounds perfect.
I'm proud of you, babe.
Thanks for giving me
another chance.
Is tonight the night
I finally get you
to come out of the spare room?
-(knocking on door)
-(Rob sighs deeply)
Dr Chance?
-Your costume is here.
-Er, thank you, Hilary.
It's just I need a hand
to bring it up.
It's a bit heavy.
-Heavy?
-(Hilary) Mm.
What have you ordered me, darling?
It's a special surprise.
(Rob chuckles)
You deserve it.
Go, go get ready!
We need to get a move on.
Good grief, Hilary,
who on earth are you meant to be?
-(Hilary) Argus.
-The shop?
The all-seeing giant.
Thought you studied classics.
(door closes)
(exhales)
(lively music)
(indistinct chatter)
-(applause)
-(laughs)
(crowd cheering)
(Cheryl) Gorgeous!
-Hi, how are you?
-(chuckles)
Fabulous party.
Is Dr Chance here, or
-Hey guys!
-(laughs)
Dr Chance or should I say
Sir Lancelot?
Ah, not quite!
I'm, er, actually the Knight
of Spires from book seven.
(Priana) Of course,
I should have recognised you.
(Rob) He saves the day which
some people weren't happy with,
but personally
I found it most captivating.
(Priana)
Doesn't Doonathra kill him?
(both laugh)
Thank you so much
for coming to The Annual Myths,
Legends and Fantasy Literary Ball.
-(crowd cheering)
-But before we get going,
I have a small and rather sad
announcement to make,
regarding the future
of the Harker Scholarship.
(crowd murmurs)
For personal reasons,
the scheme will shortly be closing.
-(crowd) Ow! Shame!
-(woman) Shame!
As some of you may be aware,
Dr Robert Chance of the Saattut
Academy in Greenland
was recently convicted
of a violent crime.
(Cheryl)
What the press haven't reported
is that Rob
has suffered a heart attack
and has been struggling
with his mental health ever since.
(crowd murmurs)
-But he's here tonight
-(crowd) Yeah! Oh!
dressed as the Knight of Spires,
a popular character
from my latest novel.
We will be closing the trust
in order to focus
on Rob's well-being.
So thank you for your support
and understanding.
(Cheryl) But for now,
let's all relax
and have a fabulous evening!
(crowd applauding, cheering)
(lively music)
-(clinks)
-(both giggling)
There was a hold up on the M40.
Don't worry. They'll be here.
They're en route. ETA nine o clock.
-Do you care to explain yourself?
-What's wrong, dear?
You just threw me under the bus
in front of half of Oxford!
(chuckles)
I didn't throw you under the bus!
You made me sound mad! I'm not mad!
Everybody's being very kind.
Oh, hey, Rob.
I have been meaning to ask you
about the impact
of the climate emergency
on the ice-dependent species.
Could you maybe talk me through it?
(indistinct chatter)
Dr Chance?
Erm
I think you're really amazing.
And, er, if you ever want to talk
or need a shoulder
to cry on then call me.
Wha wha what's going on?
Stop!
What the hell are you doing?
-God.
-All right, where's Cheryl?
-Someone get Cheryl!
-I'm here, what's happening?
(Cheryl gasps)
Rob!
Oh, God, put the axe down.
Put it down!
-(thuds)
-(Cheryl) Oh!
I'm sorry, he's overwhelmed.
Come on.
The next time
you point an axe at me,
you won't be walking anywhere!
Sebastian! Please! He's unwell!
(tense music)
(clock ticks)
(clock chimes)
(crowd cheering, applauding)
(crowd exclaiming)
(applause)
(Benjy) Ladies and gentlemen.
Behold!
-(guest 1) Here we go.
-(guest 2) Yeah!
-(crowd cheering, applauding)
-(puffs)
(crowd exclaiming)
Off with their heads!
Off with their heads!
(laughter)
(yelps)
He's on the roof!
He's gonna jump! Rob!
-(Lola) No!
-(guest 3) Come down!
(Lola) No!
(Danni) I'm calling an ambulance.
-(guest 4) Don't do it!
-(guest 5) Get down!
(crowd clamouring)
I got your text. What is it?
Have you tried the smoked salmon?
I think it might be off.
Is that it?
Oh, thank God.
-(Danni) They're just through here.
-Oh, thank goodness you're here.
-Is this the chap?
-Yes, this is Rob.
Hi, Rob. How are you feeling?
Er, I'm fine. What's happening?
Are you hearing voices, Rob?
Erm, I can hear your voice.
Is the voice telling you
to do something dangerous?
-What voice?
-The voice in your head,
-sweetheart.
-What voice in my head?
It told him
to jump off of the roof.
Er, Cheryl, sweetheart.
What the fuck is going on?
They're here to help you.
Jesus Christ!
(Maria) Did you see something, Rob?
Er, a giant fucking rabbit!
(snickers)
(Maria) Where?
I can't see anything.
(Rob) What?
What kind of giant rabbit, Rob?
Well, obviously not a real
Oh, you are fucking kidding me!
Of course, it's you!
Of course, it is.
-Did she get to you?
-Who, darling?
Is the big rabbit telling you
to hurt yourself, Rob?
It's not a big rabbit!
It's my lunatic of an ex-wife!
She's been stalking
and harassing me
and presumably now she's here to
This isn't funny!
Do you want to come
and have a little sit
in the ambulance, Rob?
No, I fucking don't.
Keep away from me.
This isn't fucking funny!
You know what?
I'm gonna walk away.
Before I lose my temper.
We really would like
to take a look at you.
-(Maria) Check you're okay?
-I'm fine.
-(Rob) Keep away from me, please.
-Vin.
Oh, fuck no!
-(Vin) Calm down, Rob.
-(nervous laughter)
-It's gonna be okay.
-No.
What the fuck?
Er, Cheryl
Please tell them I'm fine!
Tell them to piss off, Cheryl!
We don't want you to hurt yourself.
Oh, fuck off, you stupid cunt!
I have no intention
of hurting myself.
Do not lay a finger on me
and do not
stick a single needle in me.
(tense music)
-(grunts)
-(all gasping)
(shrieks)
(grunts)
-(grunting continues)
-("Gloria" by Laura Branigan plays)
(crowd cheers)
-(Rob) Get out of my way!
-(Hilary) That's not your chair!
-Fuck off!
-(Hilary) Rob!
Stop!
# Your always on the run now #
-(guest 4) Rob!
-# Running after somebody #
-# You gotta get him somehow #
-(Cheryl) Please, Rob!
Let us help you!
-That was amazing.
-(all laughing)
No seriously,
I'll be in touch with your agent.
# for a breakdown #
# So be careful not to show it #
# You really don't remember #
# Was it something that he said? #
-(explosion)
-(yelps)
# Are the voices in your head #
-Long-time no see.
-# Calling #
# Gloria #
# Gloria #
# Don't you think you're falling? #
-(gasping)
-Graham? Is that you?
# Why isn't anybody calling? #
# You don't have to answer #
-# Leave them hanging on the line #
-(siren wails)
# Oh for the #
He's hearing voices.
He's threatening
to hurt himself or someone else.
(officer)
Possible mental health incident,
requesting support, over.
# I think they got your number #
# Gloria #
# I think they got the alias #
Hey, Terry. This is for my mom.
-(thuds)
-(groans)
(grunts)
-(puffs)
-(gasps)
(ominous music)
No, no, no!
No, no, no!
(heavy breaths)
(growling)
(Rob) This is the opportunity
of a lifetime, Mr Newman.
Whoo-hoo, whoa!
What's all this then, hmm?
What, this is your life?
Police! Drop your weapon!
-(Rob) Okay.
-(officer) What's your name, mate?
Er, officer,
my name is Doctor Robert Chance.
I am the director of the Saattut
Academy in Greenland,
an affiliate of Oxford University.
I, er, have no intention
of hurting anybody,
and, er
(chuckles)
there is patently
no need to arrest me!.
(officer 2) Why the axe, Mr Chance?
Doctor Chance!
This is an ornamental axe.
I am attending a party.
It is not a weapon!
-He's been hearing voices.
-Oh, fuck off, Alice.
-He's not well!
-She's the one who is not well.
-Can we do some background, Trina?
-I'll give you some background.
(Rob) This batshit crazy
bunny boiler
is a delusional middle-aged shrew
who is obsessed with me!
Was I really that good, Alice?
(officer 1) Sorry, madam, what's
your relationship to this man?
I'm his wife.
You're not my wife!
-She's his wife.
-She is not my wife!
-I'm Alice Graham.
-She Devil!
-Calm down, sir!
-You can shut up and all!
Let's try and keep calm, Mr Chance.
-Doctor Chance!
-And who are all these people?
These people are all my enemies!
We just want you to be safe, Rob!
-We're worried about you, mate!
-Who the fuck are you?
Cheryl. Cheryl, please explain
to these police officers who I am.
I'm changing the rules.
What's that?
I'm a friend of his wife.
Cheryl. Cheryl
-Sir?
-She is not a friend of my wife!
She is a fellow victim and clearly,
she's been brainwashed!
This insane witch has travelled
around the entire country
collecting people who bear
a grudge against me,
presumably using a Filofax
that you stole from me,
and she has brought them all here
to attack me! Haven't you?
-Yes, dear.
-You will pay for this!
-Sir, if you don't calm down
-Oh, cock off!
You are gonna regret this,
sweetheart.
I was up at Oxford with your boss.
-Do you want me to give him a call?
-My boss is a woman.
I'm talking
about the Prime Minister,
you ignorant tart.
-(officer 1) Sir!
-No! No!
I'm sorry but I am so sick
of fucking women!
Fucking crazy, fucking women
making my life hell
when all I ever do
is try and help them.
I give and I give and I give
and what do I get back?
-Huh?
-Maybe you should try
-telling the truth.
-The truth?
-The truth?
-(officer 2) Sir!
-You can't handle the truth!
-Sir!
(grunts)
-(electricity crackles)
-(groans)
-(thuds)
-(axe clinks)
-You ungrateful bi
-(electricity crackles)
(grunts)
This is for Kelly,
you abusive piece of shit.
(officer 2) Robert Chance,
you are being detained
under Section 136
of the Mental Health Act,
you will be taken
to a place of safety.
You can be kept there until
an assessment is completed,
for up to 24 hours.
You're the wife?
I need you to come with me.
(Rob) I'm being framed!
I'm a victim of a hate crime!
This is a witch hunt!
(screams)
I am a PhD scientist!
Your husband is still
very distressed, Mrs Chance.
Graham.
Chance is one of his fantasy names.
(Alice) As is the doctor.
We've been married
for nearly 20 years.
His real name
is Robert Graham from Stoke.
(woman)
The police can't find any record
of a Satuut Academy in Greenland
or a Dr Chance.
He certainly constructed
a complex and convincing delusion.
It It's very real for him.
Mrs Chance, Graham, sorry.
In order to get your husband
the help he needs,
I do need your consent.
I've spoken to my colleagues
and we think it's best to get him
in under a Section 3.
He can be assessed and given
an appropriate course of treatment,
but we would anticipate
him being there
for at least six months.
Does that feel like a long time?
(deep breath)
Not really.
But it's a start.
-(sombre music)
-(Rob screaming in distance)
(sighs)
(screaming continues)
(sighs)
We've got six months to live.
Six months. Is that it?
(sighs)
Six months to plan
for when he gets out.
(Alice) We've got evidence
to sort through.
And new witnesses to speak to.
You know the only reason
I'm talking to you
is because you saved my dog.
And I was brought up
to always forgive.
Me too.
But I don't know
if I can forgive myself.
Yeah.
That's the hard bit, isn't it?
(deep breath)
(sombre music continues)
Benjy's cooking breakfast.
Do you wanna come over?
I don't.
(chuckles)
Thanks though.
(Regina) Oh, you are awake!
-(Cheryl) Oh.
-(both chuckling)
-Ah.
-(both laughing)
Thanks, darling.
(Regina) Ooh.
-(Cheryl) Ooh!
-(all laugh)
-I'm sorry, darling.
-Missed you.
-(Benjy) He just contacted us.
-(sighs deeply)
-(exhales)
-(Bill) Benjy, Benjy.
-(Bill) Here she is!
-(Josh) Mummy!
-(Claudia) Oh, Bravo!
-(Bill laughs)
Hi!
-Want a bacon sarnie, love?
-(Alice) Sure.
Be back in a minute.
I'm just gonna get changed.
(Josh) Okay.
Oh, she did
a first-rate job, you know.
All right, then?
What's that?
I said all right.
Okay.
Yes.
Yes.
(Josh) Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
(Bill) We did it.
We got him.
(chuckles)
Thanks to Cheryl.
-I didn't think it could be done.
-I know.
But we did it.
I
(sighs)
I
-I
-I know, Dad.
I love you too.
(sombre music)
(sighs)
("A Real Hero"
by Electric Youth plays)
(reporter)
Some breaking news just in,
we're hearing that Sir Ralph Unwin,
the nation's second favourite
broadcaster and natural historian,
has been reported missing.
Unwin, who is 82 years old
and is known for
I'm not meant to let you
have snacks in the session, but
# Real human being #
Thanks, Jessie, you're a star.
# And a real hero #
# Hero #
# Against the grain
Of dystopic claims #
# Not the thoughts
Your actions entertain and you #
# Have proved #
# To be #
# A real human being #
# And a real hero #
# Real human being #
# And a real hero #
# Real human being #
# And a real hero #
# Real human being #